stoicwellmaybe: topic about me!

[stoicwellmaybe]

hi everyone,  i am new obviously to this forum.  i'm not sure what to say except i have struggled with depression my whole life and let's say that is around 50 years.  

 

i became really more and more suspicious about antidepressants as i was always put on a new one and then wait and see and wait and see, then change.  i stumbled upon some medical research that said the efficacy rates of most antidepressants were about the same as a placebo and i really got mad.  

 

Around that time i also came across a book about the stoics and also some work done by Dr. Stegman on learned helplessness vs. learned hopefulness.  I decided to try and conquer my depression which i really believe was and is caused by my negative thinking patterns.  

 

I weaned myself off of Pristiq and much to my surprise it took almost four month with added hell of nausea vomitting ,   the whole gamut.  I then began eating correctly  and i still drink one coca cola per day , but that's my treat  and i eat sugar when i want but i just tried to eat a moderation type of healthy diet, this was easy for me,  the hard part to tackle was my thinking patterns , which after a week of keeping a diary , i was stunned at the negativity and nastiness of my thoughts.  Not meanness just self defeating hate towards myself....and i was stunned.  I realized i couldn't give myself a compliment, nor could I just relax and say it's okay it will be fine.  I turned off the news one day because as i watched i thought my god the whole world is angry.  No one can have a civil respectful exchange or difference of opinion without name calling etc and  i want no part of this.  

 

I cancelled facebook because again i saw this childish insult of my side vs. the other side and i really got interested in why a culture turns from the way i grew up which was kind and very rural into all out tribalism.  I was very luck to grow up in a small town and witness people who were kind to each other , even in their various views of politics ,  womens lib etc.  The community always came through in. a crisis regardless.  I reflected on that and said i want no part of this new world of yelling screaming,  beating each other up because one has to be right.  After just perusing today i stumbled onto this site and that as Paul Harvey used to say is ,  "the rest of the story".... thank you for your kind reading of my intro.  

Edited June 13, 2018 by Altostrata
added paragraph spacing

[Altostrata]

Welcome, stoic.

 

Thanks very much for posting that interesting story about how you unpatiented yourself and learned about your own self-sabotaging patterns. You have a lot to give to this community! Please add your experience to On healing and removing blocks to recovery in our Finding Meaning forum. Be prepared for lots of questions, you've done a remarkable job of self-discovery, a lot of people will want your guidance for self-healing.

 

How are you feeling now that you're off Pristiq? When did you go off completely? How long did your withdrawal symptoms last, how did they go away?

 

For the record, please follow these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature

[stoicwellmaybe]

Okay, i'm not sure how to put my drug and history in the signature but will follow the directions and try and get it right.   I'm feeling well off of the Pristiq , because i'm not bound to it for happiness.  I think i was confusing happiness with the key to life.  Sometimes a person shouldn't be happy,  but i needed to learn contentment which leads tohappiness.  i was restless without being content.  Bad things are and have happened to me, just like anyone else and i confused those bad things with i'm a bad person.  It took me four months to wean off completely without any side effects or left over feelings.  I think it was the hardest thing i've ever done physically , because i was throwing up, nauseated,  shaky, all of the time for a month and doubted i could do it.  I got so mad that no one told me what a horrible drug this was as far as dependence and i kept thinking , what if i were traveling and couldn't get a refill i would die,  i have to get off of this drug and that is what pushed me forward.  i'm feeling good not euphoric, not manic but good.  i'm learning to cope with life instead of numb it up and realizing i'm a strong individual with love to give.

[Altostrata]

Great observations. We'd love to see your posts in the Finding Meaning forum.

 

How long have you been off Pristiq?

 

Your signature is fine, but needs a few dates showing how long you were on it, what dosage, and when you went off.

 

 

[stoicwellmaybe]

hi I have inquired about removing myself from the group, not sure how to do this please advice on how to remove myself. thank you so much and good luck.