Connie1961: life after Paxil?

[Connie1961]

I was on Paxil 23 years, prescribed as a result of a car accident/mild brain injury - talk about adding insult to injury......my mood was low, I had chronic pain, raising three young boys while also running a family business......I regret the day I put that first pill in my mouth.  I had tried to go off them a few times over the years, always ending up pleading to go back on I felt so terrible...”clearly, my condition had worsened, or so they said” 

 

i was diagnosed with fibromyalgia 10 plus years ago and amitriptyline was prescribed,  in addition to my Paxil.  Surprisingly, this condition resolved once i stoped the Paxil?

I have recently weaned myself off - drug free Feb/18....during tapering I carefully supplemented with amino acids to avoid the brain zaps (caution needed with amino acids * serotonin syndrome* can cause life threatening event*)......I felt amazing, the unrelenting fatigue was gone for the first time in 23 years, no more fibromyalgia, I was able to easily get out of bed in the morning, no long naps, the likes of which,  had become my trademark .......more access to my feelings......unfortunately, this did not last....

Then came the violent persistent suicidal thoughts - from out of nowhere and very unlike me.....the thoughts felt like they were coming from a source other than my own mind if that makes any sense....they became so frightening I stopped all supplementation for fear it might be worsening it,  I then tried homeopathy (this is way off the beaten track for me) this has lessened the intensity,  they are much more gentle instead of violent but still suicidal thoughts none the less......could this be progress?

Feelings of having ruined my life, absolute, utter despair, nothing left to look forward to.......cannot focus - no interest or ability to finish a novel or movie - who cares how it ends.....anger at people ,places and things way out of proportion.....it feels as if all my unfelt emotions over the years are coming to the surface, all at once......I was once very people orientated, enjoyed a good chat and keeping up with friends......now it seems a real burden....some days I do not think I can bear it......but then I get an easier day and it gives me hope that I can heal from this terrible science experiment....and I wonder how many others are struggling just like me........someone mentioned windows and waves - I feel this to be a very helpful way to think about what’s going on ....looking forward to my next window........could it be today?   Usually I know almost before I am fully awake if it’s a wave or a window.........I have joined a couple forums such as these and find them to be of tremendous help - Just knowing others have made it to stable ground and that maybe I will too, gives me Hope.

 

Edited June 14, 2018 by ChessieCat
added spacing

[Songbird]

Hi Connie1961, welcome to SA!  This is a great site for sharing our stories and supporting each other. 

 

Your story of withdrawal being diagnosed as relapse is, unfortunately, very common.  All the symptoms you describe are common AD withdrawal symptoms, and it's good that you have recognised this, and understand how there are waves and windows.  

 

It would be helpful if you could create a signature with your med history, including all drugs, doses and dates (starting and stopping).  You can edit your signature under your Account Settings.  You could look at my signature for an example.  See this topic for more info: Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

 

 

 

 

[catali]

Hi Connie! I can't believe your history is so similar to mine, except you ve got further through withdrawal than I have.

 

I wonder how many other people have a similar story?

 

I was also diagnosed with fibromyalgia after being on paroxetine for some years. Got amitriptyline for the fibromyalgia which worked beautifully at the time. Got my life back together but after 15 years things have gone badly wrong. I had naively assumed these medications were for life and haven't questioned them until recently. Trying to taper the paroxetine (too fast, I now know) has plunged me into serious insomnia, anxiety and I recognise your description of depressive thoughts as if it were mine. Mine seemed to get particularly bad when I had taken sleeping tablets to counter the insomnia (some nights were sleepless or barely an hour of sleep). 

 

I now think the antidepressants have caused me no end of problems. I have gastritis, peripheral neuropathy and high blood pressure that I suspect are caused by the ADs.

 

I've had to reinstate a half dose of paroxetine to try to stabilise so I have a long way to go and it's v scary. How did you manage the withdrawals? Did the amitriptyline withdrawal cause any problems at the time? I know if I miss a dose I get extreme fatigue. Of course I have always seen this as confirmation that I need the amitriptyline, but now I'm beginning to wonder.

 

Thinking of you and would love to keep in touch. Keep posting.

[gentlehermione]

On 6/13/2018 at 6:56 PM, Connie1961 said:

 I then tried homeopathy (this is way off the beaten track for me) this has lessened the intensity.

but then I get an easier day and it gives me hope that I can heal from this terrible science experiment....and I wonder how many others are struggling just like me.

 

 

Hi Connie from an ex-Torontonian 😀

 

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time 😕 So many of us who have tapered or CTed (my case) travel the same road... I am now eight months Cymbalta-free and feel I'm making some progress.

 

My psychiatrist is also a homeopath and I'm convinced homeopathic remedies have helped me.

 

Re the "terrible science experiment", it makes you wonder just how many of us psych drug guinea pigs there are out there 😬

 

Wishing you all the best for your future recovery! You will get there - it just takes patience and perseverance 😉

[Connie1961]

Update:   After a year of battling withdrawal symptoms, trying everything under the sun ...I have reinstated to 10 mg (the 20 mg the Dr suggested was unbearable)..... over the course of the past year have lost or pushed away most of my casual friends, i am retired but would have lost my job had I still been working, I could no longer concentrate enough to read more than a short article and while occasionally I would feel better, usually in hopes of a new treatment working - it would not last.....even before I would open my eyes in the morning I regretted being alive - Akathisia was mild and then became severe a full year after stopping the meds....my dear husband has been thru the wringer, I owe him a debt of gratitude....somehow I thought the longer I made it free of the drugs - the better I would be....this has not been my experience ...it became worse, in spite of my best efforts. 
...my plan now is to stabilize, smell a few flowers, read some books, then consider a minuscule taper when I feel ready. I do not intend to put myself thru the hell that has been this year again....I felt I should have been able to overcome this,  - as i spiraled down I became convinced that something was terribly wrong with me, my childhood trauma had perhaps damaged me beyond repair even though I had dealt with it many years ago...I felt shame and despair that I could not overcome this...
I don’t see it that way any longer....this drug has caused me so much suffering, ....I’m looking for stabilization and pray for the strength to rebuild my life.

 

 

Current: 10mg Paxil reinstatement Feb/2019

History:  20 mg reinstatement Feb/2019 for 3-4 days with toxic effect; one year drug free beginning in Feb/2018 after a 3-6 month taper; 20 - 25 mg Paxil - 23 year duration,  amitriptyline 60 mg - 12 year duration   

Supplements & supports: Vitamin D; probiotics; Morita Therapy