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zxcv

How do you fix the loneliness / get a girlfriend?

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zxcv

I mean, they've never done anything to help out with being shy even though they are supposed to help out with that. But I've been off and on ssri's for long time, is there any chance that they could be causing it or rather make it worse?

 

I guess what I'm trying to ask is because ssri's make you not feel feeling of love or reduced feeling of love. Is it possible that it's contributing to my shyness by not wanting bad enough to break out of it.

 

Also I don't really try to make friends with guys, because it feels like there's no point to it. I mean I pretty much just want to find a girl to love and marry her and spend the rest of my life with her.

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zxcv

Accidental Post here. Sorry about that.

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UnderPressure

Greetings from the U.P. of MI.

 

I think a hallmark of taking SSRI's is the loss of emotions. Most imparticular the feelings of joy and love.

 

I was on 3 mg of risperdone for about three months. And I felt absolutely nothing. While the drug did pull me out of a hypomanic episode, that seemed to be all it was good for.

 

Here I am about 8 months OFF risperdone and I am still feeling quite emotionless. It's hard to start, much less contribute to, a conversation.

 

There is hope though. The brain is a funny thing. It heals with time.

 

The process if different for everyone. Some people began feeling back to their old selves within a few months. There are some who have said that it took about a year to notice a change, then others still who didn't begin to see much change until 2 or three years.

 

I wish there was an easy answer to this. Unfortunately, there are chemical and biological factors that differ for everyone.

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TikkiTikki

greetings

 

I feel as though being on SSRIs has dulled my ability to make and keep friends. I can do all the initial chatty stuff (though feeling v. self-conscious), but kind of back-off after that. IT feels like a chore rather than something pleasurable.

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zxcv

greetings

 

I feel as though being on SSRIs has dulled my ability to make and keep friends. I can do all the initial chatty stuff (though feeling v. self-conscious), but kind of back-off after that. IT feels like a chore rather than something pleasurable.

So then it has a I could out and be with people, but it's too much of a pain. I'm going to stay home instead too? effect.

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TikkiTikki

 

greetings

 

I feel as though being on SSRIs has dulled my ability to make and keep friends. I can do all the initial chatty stuff (though feeling v. self-conscious), but kind of back-off after that. IT feels like a chore rather than something pleasurable.

So then it has a I could out and be with people, but it's too much of a pain. I'm going to stay home instead too? effect.

 

 

Yeah - it was like that. And this is going to sound strange, but perhaps it was a bit like how sex can be affected on ADs? I would remember sex, and love my partner, but I didn't feel like going to all that trouble. The urge was gone, and without the urge, there was always something else that seemed a better use of time (even looking up random things on the internet or playing Bubble Witch). 

 

Maybe with friends I was a bit the same? Going through the motions because that's what I was used to doing, but without the real spark of connection, of enjoying getting to know someone or helping them or revealing myself that drives you on. And I felt self-conscious (because I always do), and ultimately a bit indifferent.

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PapayaShake

 

 

greetings

 

I feel as though being on SSRIs has dulled my ability to make and keep friends. I can do all the initial chatty stuff (though feeling v. self-conscious), but kind of back-off after that. IT feels like a chore rather than something pleasurable.

 

So then it has a I could out and be with people, but it's too much of a pain. I'm going to stay home instead too? effect.

 

I would remember sex, and love my partner, but I didn't feel like going to all that trouble. The urge was gone, and without the urge, there was always something else that seemed a better use of time (even looking up random things on the internet or playing Bubble Witch). 

 

Maybe with friends I was a bit the same? Going through the motions because that's what I was used to doing, but without the real spark of connection, of enjoying getting to know someone or helping them or revealing myself that drives you on. And I felt self-conscious (because I always do), and ultimately a bit indifferent.

I can say the same, I guess im able to talk to people and interact but rather on a very consious way, that park that made me be really intrested in people, and want to keep knowing them is gone, not to mantion that ive found that with this, people rather irritates me and I rather be alone. I don´t feel shy I actually lost most of my feeling, but it more an I'm not even intrsterested anymore

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powerback

I reckon they make me weird,the last few months at my worst I feel like I have border line personality disorder something like autism ,no disrespect to autism ,we are wrighting the research here for the big mafia (pharma).

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powerback

 

 

 

greetings

 

I feel as though being on SSRIs has dulled my ability to make and keep friends. I can do all the initial chatty stuff (though feeling v. self-conscious), but kind of back-off after that. IT feels like a chore rather than something pleasurable.

So then it has a I could out and be with people, but it's too much of a pain. I'm going to stay home instead too? effect.
 

I would remember sex, and love my partner, but I didn't feel like going to all that trouble. The urge was gone, and without the urge, there was always something else that seemed a better use of time (even looking up random things on the internet or playing Bubble Witch). 

 

Maybe with friends I was a bit the same? Going through the motions because that's what I was used to doing, but without the real spark of connection, of enjoying getting to know someone or helping them or revealing myself that drives you on. And I felt self-conscious (because I always do), and ultimately a bit indifferent.

I can say the same, I guess im able to talk to people and interact but rather on a very consious way, that park that made me be really intrested in people, and want to keep knowing them is gone, not to mantion that ive found that with this, people rather irritates me and I rather be alone. I don´t feel shy I actually lost most of my feeling, but it more an I'm not even intrsterested anymore

I relate to alot you say here, especially about being around people , extremely iratable for me.i wonder if it's to do with that we have to cope with such pain and misery that we just can't relate to so called normal peoples run of the pill everyday issues , because these become non senceical to us interesting I reckon

PB

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zxcv

Would this also have effect on your ability to read other people and how they are feeling?

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powerback

Would this also have effect on your ability to read other people and how they are feeling?

 

I think so ,I feel like I bring some kind of neuro emotion to a situation so I spend the time watching for this rather than been totally in the moment I'm in ,only yesterday I took up a text totally wrong ,and an hour later I realised what it really meant, thankfully I didn't  let it escalate .what ever torture is going on in my brain makes every decision a pain.

if your dating or in a new relationship reading someone could be an issue .

also for a long time I haven't had that gut feeling about things and people .

most days I limit my interaction with people ,its just easier on me   

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zxcv

I mean, I'm on a couple ssris that I'm trying to get off of. So obviously, I'm trying to get off of them try to make things more normal. I'm also trying to working out more trying to lose weight and gain muscle and testosterone which will hopefully make me less shy.

I've also gotten a job where in tech support where I'm answering phone calls, and trying to help people. Hopefully in a way that'll help me be able to talk girls in real life. So far, nothing is working...

I've pretty much cut my meds in half in about 6 months and I'm still not noticing any real improvements.

 

Trazodone  150mg -> 0mg

Wellbutrin 300mg a day - > 150 mg a day -> Thinking about going down to 0 in a few more days. It's been a couple months since I got off the trazodone.

Fluoxitine 60mg  -> 60 mg

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zxcv

I know it's faster than normal. I'm not doing it as slowly, but I"m not being reckless with it either. I'm still giving it a couple months before I go down dose and after the withdrawal symptoms from the last withdrawal have gone away.

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NobodySpecial
Posted (edited)

Hey man,

 

Why did you go on SSRI's in the first place? Is that something that's contributing to what's going on?

 

Something to consider as well - and this is from an interpersonal neurobiology perspective, if you're withdrawing and experiencing withdrawal symptoms, your nervous system is probably SHOT and it's pretty hard to connect with somebody when the part of you that mediates connection is in survival mode.

 

I'm sure there's a connection between confidence and testosterone, I mean even while I'm writing, I'm like - duh there is. BUT I think there's probably a lot more going on than a ****ed up endocrine system and I don't think testosterone is going to be a silver bullet.

 

Have you considered that being shy is okay, and most people are probably pretty shy when it comes to meeting new people. Even if you're well-versed, it's still like jumping into a cold pool, it takes a few jumps to properly warm up regardless of how long you've been doing it. 

 

When I was shy, I just put myself in situations that forced me to sit with the discomfort of socialising with new people until I became more comfortable with the discomfort, rather than waiting for something to take that away. 

 

If you can't be outgoing and connect in spite of your shyness, what makes you think that you'll be any better off if it was gone?

Edited by manymoretodays
profanity edit

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zxcv

The original reason I started taking the meds was mostly for anxiety problems.

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NobodySpecial

I hear you there, I started taking Amitriptyline for a similar reason.

 

That's probably more something to explore right now :) Feel free to message if you want to chat about it!

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zxcv
I'm having hard time trusting people, maybe that's what I have a hard time trusting people/getting a girlfriend?
 
Last Wednesday there was a sermon about suffering. Which kind of pissed me off since they were you saying that need friends to help you through those times. Which I don't have, and is the main reason for my suffering.
 
I used to have friends or people I used to think were my friends. I was talking them about problems with girls too, but they were never really helping and even looking down on me saying that I'm not ready for a girlfriend yet. Eventually they got tired of trying to help me and they aren't my friends anymore. One of them was only my cousin.
 
I don't know tried having other friends, but I never really felt like I belonged anywhere. Having friends for while but once the group or event ends, they go away. Even one time during this one church group where I starting to feel like it's safe to open up, I started opening up about my fear that I'll be alone forever and never get married. Then they were just yeah yeah we all deal with that. Being really dismissive of my fear. Really I even tried going to young adults paster about the problem and he wouldn't help me, though he did turn into a feminist and probably unfriended me on facebook for probably something stupid like, like the art of Force of Will. Something similar to that. Basically I've been dealing with rejection all my life so it's hard for someone like me to feel accepted.
 
I mean there was another guy at my church that went through some dark depression where he didn't want to be around anyone, but he had this girls and other friends keep calling him and trying to reach out to him. But nobody is never like that with me.
 
It seems like the concept of friends or a church family just pisses me off when hear about it, but that's never been my experience with people. In my experience, for most part they just don't give a crap. So it just pisses me off when I hear how friends are supposed to be there for you.
 
Really it seems like God is bring this to my attention so I can deal with it, but I just don't know how to deal with it. The fear being alone forever and just not feeling accepted in general.

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zxcv
 
Now that I think about it, even with that main group of friends I was talking about. They were never going to me with their problems, so I really couldn't try to help them out. Maybe they never really were my friends if they never thought it was important enough to come to me with their problems. I remember directly telling them that they can come to me with their problems too.

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arwilliams

I think this question really depends on religion/evolutionary views.

 

if you think we evolved well I think the only possible answer is yes.  If you believe in destiny or religion maybe.  

 

Girls arent interested in sex in the same way guys are so I think you might be solely disappointed eventually.

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powerback
On ‎6‎/‎4‎/‎2018 at 2:04 PM, arwilliams said:

I think this question really depends on religion/evolutionary views.

 

if you think we evolved well I think the only possible answer is yes.  If you believe in destiny or religion maybe.  

 

Girls arent interested in sex in the same way guys are so I think you might be solely disappointed eventually.

This a good answer from arwilliams ,be very careful coming off these drugs .always be mindful of your actions ,the more the drugs release the stronger the feelings can come back.there can be an issue with impulse control also .be very careful.dont drink alcohol with these meds ,its very dangerous ,believe me .

Total kudos to you for improving your health ,diet,exersice ,mental well being is were all your future healing resides .take your time .youl get there .

Peace.

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zxcv
But the question is how do you actually fix the loneliness? Like I said, I've been working out, staying away from porn(60+ days), got a full time job where I have to deal with people over the phone try to help with the social anxiety, but also a church that tends to separate guys from the girls. I really don't have much contact with girls in real world pretty much just at church where the girls seem to go into their own little groups and clicks.
 

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zxcv
Anyway just tried retching out a guy from church about this. I doubt it'll help. None of the guys that I've talk to in real life have been helpful at all with this. really it's probably a lot of the reason that I stopped trying to make friends with guys.

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zxcv

I used to have guy friends and was asking them for help with girls, but they never did anything. Just telling me how much I wasn't ready for a girlfriend. They wouldn't help me girls, they wouldn't introduce me to the girls they   knew. And eventually they got tired of me and stopped talking to me all together.

 

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ChessieCat

The advice my mother gave my many many years ago was not to look for a boyfriend but to get involved in things I am interested in and that I would be around people with similar interests with whom I could make friends and which might lead to a relationship.

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zxcv

Sadly, most the stuff I'm involved in is either solo or male dominated activities.

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BigPapa

Maybe adopting a pet would help with loneliness. I have two cats at home. They certainly help me.

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zxcv

Will I ever find a girlfriend? Im dealing with problems 1-5,7,9-14,20-21.
2. Is mostly about wanting a good Christian woman, but it's been hard to find girls at chruch.
4. Is more about trying to save money for when I do get married, I can just move out and pay for a house mostly paid for.
Now that think about this, how much this is actually linked to depression. Maybe if I get undepressed, it knock most of these out.
https://www.luvze.com/reasons-you-cant-get-a-girlfriend/

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