NatNat: An odd bit of hope to those in withdrawal from somebody who never took the meds in the first place

[NatNat]

I'm a bit of a weird user since folks like you convinced me to never take any drugs for my (formerly severe) depression. I'm on the forum to learn how to cope with feeling awful without taking drugs or accepting a mental illness label. ☺️

 

I really, really mean this post as a way to inspire hope. I'm not doubting people's experiences in drug withdrawal at all.

 

However, there is a reason people take drugs in the first place: they felt too awful to function! What if at least a portion of your withdrawal symptoms are that the physical and mental stress of withdrawal has triggered a "regular" depressive episode on top of the drug withdrawal? If this was me, I'd feel thrilled to learn that my brain was possibly less damaged by pharma than I thought (which leaves more hope for recovery). Again, this does not in any way imply that the psych drug myth and its harms were "no biggie" 

 

Here is my experience with physical symptoms as a severely depressed person having never taken a single pharm drug or street drug/alcohol/ etc. I am young, fit and 100% healthy (trust me...iv'e had enough tests to confirm the matter). The depression was caused by extreme social isolation I grew up with and thought was normal.

While depressed I felt:

 

• Chronic dizziness 
• Totally unable to think straight/ concentrate. I seriously could not spell my own name backwards. I was years late in learning to drive a car because I couldn't focus on the road
• Memory lapses. Could not remember title of book I just read (lead me to drop out of university). Trouble with retrieval of past memories. I thought they were lost forever but they are not. I'm able to remember the past when I feel less depressed. 
• Trouble with finding words when speaking...severely
• Really, this thinking trouble was horrifying because I wanted to be a mechanical engineer!!! 
• Insomnia, waking 5x/ night
• Waking up with heart palpitations/ trouble breathing (while not feeling overtly anxious)
• Inability to tolerate slightest changes in environment (temperature, etc).
• Extreme sleepiness after eating (never had this before. I'm young and fit. Also I bought a blood sugar meter, ran many experiments and everything was fine. This symptom is mental)
• Raging hunger and dizziness if without food for a single hour. Eat tiny amount and feel stuffed. (again, surprisingly this is mental)
• Hair fell out by at least 40%
• Stomach pain at night. 8/10 on pain scale. Was diagnosed as "functional dyspepsia". Literally nothing helped. 90% recovered now...just from the lack of depression. I don't need to be on any weird diets (just avoid extreme spicy food, coffee, and tylenol/NSAIDS). Yup...something this intense can be 100% mental, too. 
• Extreme fatigue. Out of breath from 1 flight of stairs.

 

*I do think depression is a biological state, but one that is fully dependent on environmental conditions. Sure, some people fall into it more readily than others, but it is not a "disease"...more like an "emergency mode". I found lifestyle changes and  social activity to be much more useful that trying to nitpick apart my thoughts/ feelings. Don't fear things like going back to school on a reduced load. At one point I was 80% recovered and these symptoms were almost gone!

 

I'm now seeking ways to make the good changes stick...but yeah. I felt like putting this story out there. Hopefully it helps? 

Edited July 3, 2018 by Altostrata
removed mod note

[Altostrata]

Welcome, NatNat.

 

As this is a site for going off drugs, we don't usually offer the kind of support you seek.

 

All of your self-diagnoses are questionable, as is your presumption that you are a person with a psychiatric condition of "severe depression." Good to hear you're doing better with self-care -- as you know, we encourage that.

 

12 hours ago, NatNat said:

The depression was caused by extreme social isolation I grew up with and thought was normal.

 

This indicates your depressed habits of thinking have been set because of situational factors, not a biological "depression." Have you spoken to psychotherapists or counselors about this? I would look for one who is not a drug cheerleader and who can help you develop healthier habits of thinking and possibly a healthier lifestyle.

 

Many of your physical symptoms may be due to poor nutrition, poor sleep, and poor exercise. You might work with a holistic physician on this, someone who is not oriented towards drugs. DOs (Doctor of Osteopathy) might be your best bet.

 

You can immediately work on improving your sleep. (It also sounds like you might have food intolerances. These are not mental.) Here are some topics that might be of interest to you:

 

Bona Fide Emotional Pain or Clinical Depression? Are ANY Psychiatric Conditions Real?

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Health anxiety, hypochondria, and obsession with symptoms

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

 

Tips to help sleep -- so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

 

What is the sleep cycle?

 

Melatonin for sleep: Many people find it helpful

 

TV or computer use in evening can disrupt sleep: Bright light signals the brain that it's daytime

 

White noise devices for sleep

 

Light therapy for sleep problems

 

Elimination or exclusion diets for reactions to food (food intolerance)

 

Histamine intolerance

 

Cut down on sugar to improve mental health

[Martina23]

NatNat, maybe I misunderstood your story but I really think that withdrawal and depression are too different things. And for myself I precisely know that my state was caused by psychiatric drugs and not by some depression which miraculously started precisely three weeks after stopping psych meds (which I got for PGAD). 

 

I know that most of doctors would also simplify it like that but I must admit your contribution made me a bit upset. Maybe it wasnt meant like that but for me it sounded as if you didnt validate the experience of other people on this site. If I misunderstood your post, then I am sorry.

[julia955]

I get where you're coming from but personally my symptoms are 100% physical. Was put on them at an extremely young age for anxiety and while I'm not experiencing anxiety or depression my main symptom is severe excruciating burning pain leaving me disabled.

 

I think most people here can agree that their problems may have been unpleasant beforehand, but not severe enough to leave them disabled. The experience we're having is difficult to describe in words. Most people would probably tell you they're not experiencing normal kinds of anxiety/depression but a very extreme destabilization of their bodies and minds that is not in the realm of anything even close to a typical mental condition.

 

Also I feel bad that you are suffering! Have you considered therapy? I would also highly recommend the book A Mind of Your Own by Kelly Brogan.

[TreeElf]

Hey NatNat, I get what you mean. I have thought the same. Like, I know this is extreme in the way the withdrawal is affecting me, but I'm also aware that this is likely a regular depressive/OCD episode ON TOP of the withdrawal. I had my first serious breakdown before meds, it was sudden and completely catastrophic. Overnight I literally lost my mental 'health' and became an obsessive-compulsive suicidal wreck. So it makes total sense that a wave of this could be occurring alongside withdrawal. I understand people might read it differently, but I totally get what you're saying.

 

Also, so many factors can be involved in depression. If studying the mind for the past 3 years has taught me anything, it's that we have layers and layers of conditioning and faulty mindsets that can be formed easily at a young age, when just a few external conditions come together. Our minds make conclusions that we just assume are true when they are often protective mechanisms and not based in reality. There's just so many factors involved but they are always rooted in fear (yes, anger, confusion, dissociation are all forms of fear too).

 

I'm glad you're finding non-drug ways to cope with your experiences. My reiki teacher always gave me very simple things to do, and I've found that it's in the small, simple things that you find the biggest changes. Our minds tend to over-complicate everything, when in reality happiness is very simple. Try telling that to a mind that is obsessing over everything though! lol. I've found meditation to be invaluable in seeing that this stuff isn't happening 'to' me, it's an experience passing through. It helps you to detach from it and see it more clearly.

 

Hope you find something that works well for you!