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Squiggle Success at 4th attempt


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Hello,

 

I have waited a long time to post this message, to be precise, one year, as I wanted to be sure before I wrote.  I had previously had a thread in the main forum, under the name Squiggle.  I posted there about my three failed attempts to get off Mirtazapine, the last one being in 2014.  I note that Altostrata asks for a link to be made to that previous topic but I am a technological idiot and have no idea how to do this - so please forgive that.

 

So bruised was I by the third attempt, that I waited over a year before once again trying to begin to come off.  Indeed, I never really again termed it fully coming off, merely trying to get as low as possible whilst staying well.  During that year, I gradually reduced until I was taking c. 0.1 - 0.2 mg (it's hard to be precise at that level) in a gelatine capsule each night.  I had some rough patches but nothing too bad.  One problem about waiting so long to report is that it is hard to remember the details!  I remembered the saying attributed to Samuel Beckett, "Ever tried.  Ever failed. No matter.  Try again. Fail again.  Fail better."

 

So how did I do it in the end?  Very, very slowly - it took me from Feb 2016 to July 2017 to come fully off that tiny dose.  I took all the advice that I had read about over the years from here, CITA and many other places and did it in a way that felt right to me.  I had read a lot about how the brain works and in particular fear reactions and concluded that for me, a big problem was not so much the withdrawal per se but that its effect, disrupted sleep, made my fear reaction kick in and this is what was my biggest issue.  I therefore needed to deal better with my fear so I constructed a programme, loosely based on the CITA withdrawal timetable (but over a much longer period) where I gradually replaced my nightly dose with a "placebo".  I slowly increased the frequency of the placebo doses and extended the gap between doses.  I increased the gap roughly every two months but was never rigid about the timetable - this time, I let my brain and body guide me.  What was the placebo?  It was a little ground up Magnesium Citrate (which I took at 250 mg per night anyway for menopausal issues) in a gelatine capsule.  Understand that I made these "placebos" myself and knew very well that they were fake.  Whether they really helped or not I don't know but I carried on taking them until about a month ago just in case.

 

I know that dose dropping is not recommended here but remember that this was from a microscopically small dose. Also, what I wanted to do was to precipitate gradually a degree of withdrawal symptoms so that I could practise dealing with them, knowing that the following night I could take a dose.  It worked for me.  What I actually found as the process progressed was that I noticed that on the nights I took a real dose, I slept very heavily and felt slow, sluggish and horrible the following day.  When I took the placebo, my sleep was shorter and maybe lighter but more refreshing.  I grew to hate the way I felt when I took a dose and this made it easier to finally give up.

 

I also made changes in my life.  I took up regular mindfulness meditation and became a serious practitioner of yoga.  These both helped enormously.

 

Anyway, there it is.  I am now one year off and in that year have done much, including recently qualifying as a yoga teacher.  I have menopausal sleep issues which I believe were covered by the Mirtazapine but using yoga and meditation techniques I manage these effectively.  I still take 250 mg Magnesium Citrate a night.  I have no other symptoms and am well and happy.

 

I'd like to finish by saying that I know the road can seem endless but do not lose heart if you try to come off and it doesn't work.  Every attempt is a learning experience and you can take from it and try again and eventually, as I did, you will get there.  Listen to your body and brain - I am sure that whilst we can learn a lot from each other, in the end, your path is yours alone and your experience will be different from anyone else's.  Trust and value yourself.  I wish all of you the very best for your healing.  It is possible - never doubt it.

 

 

 

 

Dec 2009 - 10mg Amitriptiline, 40mg Temazepam
Jan 2010 - 30mg Temazepam, 20mg Citalopram, 6mg Diazepam
Feb 2010 - 30mg Temazepam, 30mg Mirtazapine, PPI and Domperidone
c. April 2010 - 20mg Temazepam, 30mg Mirtazapine
Jun 2010 - crossed to 10mg Diazepam for Ashton taper, 30mg Mirtazapine
Jan 2011 - Benzo free!

2015 - three failed attempts to quit from v. low dose of Mirtazapine in three years.  Now at c. 0.6 mg

Jul 2017 - A/D free at 4th attempt.

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Thank you for sharing your success story.  Congratulations on getting through the last phase as I know it's not easy.

 

I appreciate you sharing how you took a year off from tapering until you were ready again.   

I too was on Mirtazapine and I know exactly what you mean about the drugged state it puts you in even when it gives you sleep. 

 

After struggling to continue the taper of my last medication, Lamictal, I too am holding.  From the advice I have gotten on this site, I need to give my brain a chance to remodel.  Very tough when the med makes me feel like I am a person removed from myself.  But reading your success story gives me hope. 

 

Great to read. 

 

 

 Sept 2013-Apr 2014:  After death of my mom put on as series of meds. Zoloft 6 days, Lexapro1 day, Nortriptyline 10 days, Liquid Prozac 1 week, Cymbalta 1 week.

Got off Clonzapam: 1/2014-9/2014. After given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs

Completed Remeron taper: 41.25 -0.025mgs  1/2015-4 2017. 

Completed Lamictal Taper: 200mgs-0.05 mgs 7/ 2015-11/2018. 

Clonazapam  December 2018. 0.625 Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping and not thinking straight. 28 March, 2019  4% taper Total: .625mgai   26 May, 2019  4% taper Total: .575 mgai,   24 June, 2019 2.5 % taper  10 Clonzapam tablets weigh1.999 mgpw  Average  200 mgpw.  0.0073mgai 9AM, 0.0073mgai 3PM, .415mgai, Total: 561mgai,  10 July, 2019 (Compounded pills) .0073mgai 9AM,.0073mgai 3PM, .415mgai,

Total .561mgai   26 August, 2019 (Back to regular pills due to bad reaction) .0078mgai 9AM, .01075mgai 3PM, .360mgai PM, Total: .545mgai   26 Sept. 2019 .0775mgai 9AM, .1mgai 3PM, 0.350mgai PM: Total: .5275mgai   31 Oct, 2019 .0750mgai 9AM, .0925mgai 3PM, 0.340mgai 930PM, Total: .5075mgai,   30 Nov. 2019 .0775mgai 9AM, .0825mgai 3PM, .3325mgai 9:30PM, Total:.490mgai   31 Dec. 2019 .0775mgai 9AM,  .080mgai 3PM, .3225mgai 9:30PM,  Total: .4775mgai   31 Jan. 2020 .0725mgai 9AM, .0750mgai 3pm, .315mgai 9:30PM, Total: .4625mgai    29 Feb. 2020  .0675mgai 9AM, .0675 3PM, .305 mgai 9PM Total: .440mgai 31 March 2020 .065mgai 9AM,  .065mgai 3PM, .2925mgai 10PM, Total: 4225mgai  30 April 2020 .0625mgai 9AM, .0625mgai 3PM, .2775mgai 10PM  Total: .4025mgai 31 May 2020 .0625mgai 9AM, .0625 mgai 3PM, .2526 mgai 10PM, Total: .3775mgai  30 June 2020 .0625mgai 9AM, .0625mgai 3PM  .2175 mgai 10PM Total .3425mgai.   31 July 2020 .0575 mgai 9AM .0550 mgai 3PM .180mgai 10PM Total .2925mgai  31 August 2020 .0475mgai 9AM, 0.045mgai 3PM, .01475mgai 10PM Total: .2375mgai  30 September 2020 0.0375mgai 9AM 0.035mgai 3PM 0.110mgai 10PM  Total: .1825mgai 31 October 2020 .0325mgai 9AM .0350mgai 3PM  .0725mgai 9PM

Total: .14mgai  30 Nov. 2020 .03mgai 9AM  .0276mgai 3PM 0.450mgai 9PM Total: .1025mgai 31 Dec. 2020 .02mgai 9AM .02mgai 3PM .02mgai 9PM Total: .06mgai  5 February, 2021 .0150mgai Stepped off of Clonzapam, Benzo Free

 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs,  Vitamin D, Vitamin C, Magnesium Glycinate

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Yeah!   Hip Hip Hooray!   So happy for you!  

Also so grateful to you for posting and sharing your story. I am on my 3rd attempt at coming off psych drugs  (benzos the 1st time) and 2nd tapering off zoloft.  The first time I came off zoloft, my panic responses kicked in at 2 months off when I started feeling anxiety, no doubt due to withdrawal.  And, then I panicked -- and ended up in the hospital back at square 1 on the full dose of zoloft.

I have now been tapering over a year, and am down to 65 mg from 200 mg -- doing well, but , having the occasional niggling doubts of whether success for me is truly possible --  and your story has provided me with inspiration.

Thanks so much, and I wish you much health and happiness in your future.

With very best wishes,

M. 

200 Zoloft; 10 mg Zyprexa; 4 mg valium as of May 2021;  Valium taper: July 16: 3.5 valium; July 30: 3 mg (paused valium taper); Aug. 23: 2.5 mg
Zyprexa: July 26: 8.75 mg; Aug. 9: 7.5 mg; Aug. 30: 7.1 mg

-------
Dec 1, 2016. 10 mg zyprexa for 1.5 month. Started taper mid-Jan. 2017. Cut 1.25 mg every 2 weeks; smaller cuts 2.5 mg down. Stopped at .6 mg. May 7, 2017: zyprexa free. 
Zoloft: Dec1, 2016, 200 mg. Started taper: Jun12, 2017: 197.5 mg; Jun19,:195 mg; July 2:185mg; July 9,:180 mg; July16,: 175; July 23: 170; July 30: 165; Aug6: 160; Aug13: 155; Aug. 20: 150; Aug.27: 146 mg; Sept3: 145 mg; Sept10:143 mg; Sept17:140 mg....Nov5: 122 mg...Dec3:112.5 mg; Jan14, 2018: 95 mg...Jan28: 90 mg; Feb21:80 mg; Mar11: 75 mg; May2:70 mg; May15: 68 mg; May28: 65 mg; Jun9: 62 mg;Jun25: 60 mg:July22: 55 mg; Aug25: 45 mg. Aug28: 50 mg...Oct 28: 38 mg; Dec.4: 30 mg; Jan8,2019: 25mg; Feb6: 23.5 mg; Apr1:17.5mg; May1:1 mg; May 5: 18;  May 18:15mg; June 16:12.5mg; Sept 10:11 mg; Sept.16:10 mg; Oct. 1: 9mg; Nov. 27: 8mg; Dec.5: 7mg; Jan.1,2020, 6 mg; Feb1: 5 mg; May 1: 2.5 mg; Jn 1: 2 mg; Jy 1: 1.5 mg

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Nice going Squiggle. We love success stories around here. I'm on Mirt and I hate that drugged feeling the next day. I need more energy for life, so soon it will be tapered. I've learned my lesson, and will taper off nice and slowly. Can I ask what was your original dose and timeline for withdrawal from Mirt? Thanks and congrats.

 

Marie

10/13--10/14 Ambien. Started tapering 1/14  Jumped 10/14.  Done.                                                                              

3/14        7.5 Remeron  still taking this.                              

2/14         75 Trazodone   -    Tapered by dry cutting all the way down.

1/16        4 mg Trazodone  -  Jumped. Bad mistake. Got hit with late withdrawal 6 weeks later. Had to reinstate.

4/16        Reinstated 1 mg, updose to 2 mg Trazodone

2/19        .04 Trazodone. Walked off.  Done.

10/3/19  Started 7.5 Mirtazapine taper cut to .073 gram weight, pill weighs .076

4/5/20    New Mirtazapine Taper - Compound Liquid 7.35 mg April '20, 7.25 mg May, 7.05 mg June, 6.99 mg June, 6.78 mg July, 6.57 mg Aug, Sept 6.35 mg, Sept 6.24 mg, Sept 6.21 mg, Oct 5.99 mg, Oct 5.90 mg, Oct 5.70 mg.

1/11/21 6.05 mg Messed up taper due to syringe change. Must remember the 1 ml syringe contains 1.5mg! 1/16/21 5.99 mg

2/21 5.75 mg, 3/21 5.6 mg, 4/7 5.45, 4/14 5.30, 5/12 5.15, 5/25/21 4.99 mg, 6/29 4.87 mg, 7/14/21 4.74 mg, 8/5 4.62 mg 8/17 4.5 mg, 8/30 4.38 mg,9/16 4.26 mg,10/9 4.14 mg.

 

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@Squiggle WONDERFUL news to hear!!! I am 13 months into my ct journey from Wellbutrin 300xl. I was never told to wean. So, here I am. I am staying positive and making it my mission to fully heal and be back to having fun again. Your story gives hope to all of us. Congratulations!

Started Wellbutrin 300xl mid July, 2009. Stopped Wellbutrin 300xl cold turkey May 8, 2017

Started having symptoms started June 2, 2017. Started Wellbutrin 150xl July 7, 2017

Started Remeron 15mg August 15, 2017. Increased Remeron to 30mg October 4, 2017

Increased Wellbutrin to 300xl November 24, 2017. Lowered Wellbutrin 300xl back to 150xl January 8, 2018

Started weaning off of Remeron 30mg. Cut to 22.25mg January 11, 2018

Cut Remeron to 15mg January 18, 2018 Cut Remeron to 7.5mg January 25, 2018

Cut Remeron to 3.5mg January 30,2018. Stopped taking Remeron February 1, 2018

Currently taking: Fish Oil, Magnesium, Calcium, Vit D, Progesterone,

Hormone Replacement Pellets-Estrogen Testosterone 

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  • Mentor
FarmGirlWorks
4 hours ago, Squiggle said:

I remembered the saying attributed to Samuel Beckett, "Ever tried.  Ever failed. No matter.  Try again. Fail again.  Fail better."

Love this! Congrats.

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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Hello,

 

Thanks all for your comments.  I am glad that what I wrote is useful to you.

 

To Marie - My original dose was 30 mg, way back in 2010.  I began tapering it in about June 2011, having given myself 6 months after benzo withdrawal.  From there it was a story of slow steady dropping.  I regret that I ca't give you more detail than that as I cannot remember and did not keep a record of it.  I think the thing to remember is to keep it slow and the cuts small.

 

Best wishes to you all.

Dec 2009 - 10mg Amitriptiline, 40mg Temazepam
Jan 2010 - 30mg Temazepam, 20mg Citalopram, 6mg Diazepam
Feb 2010 - 30mg Temazepam, 30mg Mirtazapine, PPI and Domperidone
c. April 2010 - 20mg Temazepam, 30mg Mirtazapine
Jun 2010 - crossed to 10mg Diazepam for Ashton taper, 30mg Mirtazapine
Jan 2011 - Benzo free!

2015 - three failed attempts to quit from v. low dose of Mirtazapine in three years.  Now at c. 0.6 mg

Jul 2017 - A/D free at 4th attempt.

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  • Altostrata changed the title to Squiggle Success at 4th attempt
  • Administrator

Congratulations, Squiggle! You've done an excellent job of self-care.

 

Squiggle's Introductions topic is here.

 

 

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Liamb123456
On 7/9/2018 at 7:17 PM, mirage said:

@Squiggle WONDERFUL news to hear!!! I am 13 months into my ct journey from Wellbutrin 300xl. I was never told to wean. So, here I am. I am staying positive and making it my mission to fully heal and be back to having fun again. Your story gives hope to all of us. Congratulations!

Mirage do you still get depression 

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@Liamb123456 no depression. My worst symptoms are dizziness and anxiety. Those two seem to fuel each other. When the anxiety ramps up the dizziness gets worse and when the dizziness gets bad, boom...up goes the anxiety! I have a feeling these two are going to stick with me for a while. I'm going to guess the worst symptoms are the last to go away. 

 

From everything I read, we have to just be patient and wait it out. Nothing else we can do. So I accept it and I plug along through each and every day. 

 

Hope you are doing well. Hang in there. 

Started Wellbutrin 300xl mid July, 2009. Stopped Wellbutrin 300xl cold turkey May 8, 2017

Started having symptoms started June 2, 2017. Started Wellbutrin 150xl July 7, 2017

Started Remeron 15mg August 15, 2017. Increased Remeron to 30mg October 4, 2017

Increased Wellbutrin to 300xl November 24, 2017. Lowered Wellbutrin 300xl back to 150xl January 8, 2018

Started weaning off of Remeron 30mg. Cut to 22.25mg January 11, 2018

Cut Remeron to 15mg January 18, 2018 Cut Remeron to 7.5mg January 25, 2018

Cut Remeron to 3.5mg January 30,2018. Stopped taking Remeron February 1, 2018

Currently taking: Fish Oil, Magnesium, Calcium, Vit D, Progesterone,

Hormone Replacement Pellets-Estrogen Testosterone 

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Liamb123456
12 hours ago, mirage said:

@Liamb123456 no depression. My worst symptoms are dizziness and anxiety. Those two seem to fuel each other. When the anxiety ramps up the dizziness gets worse and when the dizziness gets bad, boom...up goes the anxiety! I have a feeling these two are going to stick with me for a while. I'm going to guess the worst symptoms are the last to go away. 

 

From everything I read, we have to just be patient and wait it out. Nothing else we can do. So I accept it and I plug along through each and every day. 

 

Hope you are doing well. Hang in there. 

Ye we need hold on mate but did you suffer with depression atal in withdrawals from antidepressants 

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@Liamb123456 In the very beginning months of this, I had a lot of dark thoughts and feelings. I'm not sure it was actually depression. I think for me, I felt very scared. However, they were feelings I have never had and they did go away. 

Started Wellbutrin 300xl mid July, 2009. Stopped Wellbutrin 300xl cold turkey May 8, 2017

Started having symptoms started June 2, 2017. Started Wellbutrin 150xl July 7, 2017

Started Remeron 15mg August 15, 2017. Increased Remeron to 30mg October 4, 2017

Increased Wellbutrin to 300xl November 24, 2017. Lowered Wellbutrin 300xl back to 150xl January 8, 2018

Started weaning off of Remeron 30mg. Cut to 22.25mg January 11, 2018

Cut Remeron to 15mg January 18, 2018 Cut Remeron to 7.5mg January 25, 2018

Cut Remeron to 3.5mg January 30,2018. Stopped taking Remeron February 1, 2018

Currently taking: Fish Oil, Magnesium, Calcium, Vit D, Progesterone,

Hormone Replacement Pellets-Estrogen Testosterone 

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  • 5 months later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi there,

 

The staff at SA are wondering how you are.  We'd love to hear how you are doing now.   Would you mind dropping by and giving an update?

 

Thanks.

CC

So close to the end!!!

🏁

Current from 16 October 2021:  Pristiq 0.005mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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