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VincentV: 2 months after sertraline


VincentV

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I really don't know what to do. January of this year i went on to a very high dose of  sertraline (150)after experiencing a bit of recurrent anxiety. I remember getting to a point where i almost felt "normal" as the anxiety was passing then one night i felt the sertraline kick in about ten days or so after taking it. I had the worst anxiety,  deep depression, thick head as well as extreme agitation and akathisia.  I waited (very stupidly) for these to settle down. They didnt. Eventually i started tapering over about ten weeks. Its been two months and ive veered from almost completely emotionally flat to severely depressed with bouts of anxiety and crying. It feels like i can't concentrate on anything,  like there's a wall, or a brick in  my head, i have no short term memory. I feel like ive been literally  "brain damaged". Has any one felt like this before after sertraline,  how long didit take to feel 'back to how you were' before antidepressants? Did you ever get back to feel normal? 

 

The Dr wants to put me on venlafaxine i have the pills but i cant bring my self to take them. i cant go through those earlier symptoms and the fear that i've hurt my brain even more. He also wants to do blood tests and a brain scan. I dont know what to do. I feel i need medical help but can't /dont trust ssris/snris

Citalopram. Briefly early twenties, no ill effects seemingly. Don't remember dose.

 

Sertraline on and off for ten years.  I was ignorant and started and stopped frequently. Doses of 50, 75 and 100. I can not recall/did not record dates prior to 2018.

 

JANUARY 2018: Last period of use was was 150mg of sertraline on 14/01/18  (which triggered extreme depression and anxiety that never settled, amongst other symptoms). I then tapered to 100mg in March (15/03/18), then down to 75mg in April(01/04/18) , 50mg later (11/04/18) 25mg in May  (16/05/18),  and was at 0mg in June (02/06/18).

 

Mirtazapine 15mg 01/08/18- 02/10/18, 15mg (6 weeks at 15mg the two week taper). - caused deeply unpleasant waves of extreme anxiety, depression, zombie state and mania.

 

Still on 40mg of Propranolol twice a day since April 2018. Supplements: Fish oil, Magnesium, Vit B6

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to VincentV: 2 months after sertraline
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Vincent, welcome to SA. We need some more information about your history with antidepressants. It looks like you have been on and off them, and then going on to a high dose after being off for a while has rocked your nervous system.  You are tight to be wary of taking effexor, you could end up reacting to that too.   We need to know the drugs, and doses . When you started and stopped, and how you tapered. The last 2 years we need the most detail but before that the approximate years/months if you can remember. We need you to put all this in your signature, you can find instructions here, then click save.Leave out symptoms and diagnoses in the signature. You will find how to do that here...

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/12364-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/?do=getNewComment

 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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  • 1 month later...

Just to up date. I refused venlafaxine (effexor) only to be offered mirtazapine  which I started at the begining of August, 2 months after coming off sertraline. I was on 15mg for 5 weeks and then 30mg for two days before i had to go back to 15mg because I felt to detached from reality.

 

This jolt has been horrendous, after only 5 weeks it triggered withdrawal symptoms and panic attacks. Mirtazapine has done nothing to help my mood, it's only made me feel alienated from my self and reality (so in that sense maybe it has 'helped' my depression, I liken it to going to a weight loss clinic and asking for help to loose weight only to find that the weight loss involves cutting off a leg. I mean yes, *technically* that is weight loss and yes *technically* turning me into a zombie who feels virtually nothing has 'lessened' my depression ).  

 

I really want to be free of anti depressants and feel normal again. I realise now that my severe depression, hysterical crying spells, depersonalisation and suicidal ideation were classic signs of SSRI withdrawal (I was on Sertraline for anxiety and never had bad depression beyond a kind of mild melancholly which I kind of valued as a personality trait that gave depth to my life) not some kind of  new, deadly organic depression I'd spontaneously fell into (I have nothing to be depressed about excluding, well, my SSRI induced depression). 

 

Any advice much appreciated. How quickly should i come off this mirtazapine? 

Citalopram. Briefly early twenties, no ill effects seemingly. Don't remember dose.

 

Sertraline on and off for ten years.  I was ignorant and started and stopped frequently. Doses of 50, 75 and 100. I can not recall/did not record dates prior to 2018.

 

JANUARY 2018: Last period of use was was 150mg of sertraline on 14/01/18  (which triggered extreme depression and anxiety that never settled, amongst other symptoms). I then tapered to 100mg in March (15/03/18), then down to 75mg in April(01/04/18) , 50mg later (11/04/18) 25mg in May  (16/05/18),  and was at 0mg in June (02/06/18).

 

Mirtazapine 15mg 01/08/18- 02/10/18, 15mg (6 weeks at 15mg the two week taper). - caused deeply unpleasant waves of extreme anxiety, depression, zombie state and mania.

 

Still on 40mg of Propranolol twice a day since April 2018. Supplements: Fish oil, Magnesium, Vit B6

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  • Moderator Emeritus
1 hour ago, VincentV said:

Mirtazapine has done nothing to help my mood, it's only made me feel alienated from my self and reality (so in that sense maybe it has 'helped' my depression, I liken it to going to a weight loss clinic and asking for help to loose weight only to find that the weight loss involves cutting off a leg. I mean yes, *technically* that is weight loss and yes *technically* turning me into a zombie who feels virtually nothing has 'lessened' my depression ).  

 

Hello, Vincent,

 

Wow, you've certainly been through a lot. The analogy you wrote is a good one. Sheesh. "Not feeling anything" isn't an acceptable solution to feeling severely depressed. 

1 hour ago, VincentV said:

I was on 15mg for 5 weeks and then 30mg for two days before i had to go back to 15mg because I felt to detached from reality.

 

Did going back down to 15mg help you feel less detached from reality? 

1 hour ago, VincentV said:

I realise now that my severe depression, hysterical crying spells, depersonalisation and suicidal ideation were classic signs of SSRI withdrawal (I was on Sertraline for anxiety and never had bad depression beyond a kind of mild melancholly which I kind of valued as a personality trait that gave depth to my life) not some kind of  new, deadly organic depression I'd spontaneously fell into (I have nothing to be depressed about excluding, well, my SSRI induced depression). 

 

Yes, you are correct that your awful symptoms are caused by withdrawal. The good news is that they will subside in time. Treating your nervous system as gently as possible will help you gain stability.

 

I like your description of melancholy that gives more depth to life. 

 

I'm going to run your situation by some of the other moderators, who might be able to tell if you're having continued sensitization due to Sertraline withdrawal, or if the M is causing an adverse reaction. 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Administrator

Vincent, has mirtazapine helped at all? What about at 15mg?

 

How's your sleep?

 

Do you have any sertraline left?

 

 

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Thankyou for your responses.  I would have to say that in the 5 weeks before I upped the dose my mood never stablized with Mirtazapine and I think all thats happened is that I've become progressively more emotionally blunted, (with the exception of an odd almost two mania like two days at the one month mark, something that's never happened with Sertraline). It did not lift my mood or help with anxiety at all and might actually have worsened them. Some days I have that 'brick-in-my-head' feeling other days I don't. It is hard to say, as I was quite bad before.  

 

Back down to 15mg I feel less detached from reality, though not any less emotionally blunted or depressed. Those two days at 30mg felt like I'd had my soul removed, it was such an odd, depressed, almost dream like feeling that I just couldn't take it. As I say I went straight back down to 15mg and the jolt this up and down has given me has been very unpleasant, burning sensations in my feet, sleeplessness, louder tinnitus, worse depression and extreme anxiety. I just hope I stabilise at 15mg enough to allow me to taper. Clearly I'm now sensitive to any medication like this, not just SSRIs.

 

Before my jolt I'd have said Mirtazapine improved my sleep and left my tinnitus and appetite unchanged. After the jolt my sleep is worse (I can't believe that only two higher doses is enough for my body to habituate(!)). My tinnitus is worse but my appetite is still uneffected though which is the weirdest thing about Mirtazapine (objectively) for me. Almost everything I read about it tells me it gives people the munchies yet I haven't felt that at all. 

 

As far as the experiment with Mirtazapine goes I think its been a failure. By the time I'm able to see a Dr (26th September) it'll have been close to 8 weeks. If I am still as I am, then that's long enough. I'll taper after then with liquid over another month or 8 weeks (I have no idea if this is hopelessly unrealistic/over cautious and need advice and evidence to give to my GP so I can insist on a liquid or whatever etc) and then see how I feel after a few weeks. By then it'll have been a year since this all began. 

 

My MRI and bloods scans came back 'fine', save for a sinusitis (what ever that is). 

 

I got rid of quite a big stock pile of Sertraline about three months ago, determined to never put that poison back in me, now I wonder if reinstating might be wise, if so back up to what? I never thought I'd really stabilised on that and only felt better as I progressively tapered. 

 

 

 

 

 

Citalopram. Briefly early twenties, no ill effects seemingly. Don't remember dose.

 

Sertraline on and off for ten years.  I was ignorant and started and stopped frequently. Doses of 50, 75 and 100. I can not recall/did not record dates prior to 2018.

 

JANUARY 2018: Last period of use was was 150mg of sertraline on 14/01/18  (which triggered extreme depression and anxiety that never settled, amongst other symptoms). I then tapered to 100mg in March (15/03/18), then down to 75mg in April(01/04/18) , 50mg later (11/04/18) 25mg in May  (16/05/18),  and was at 0mg in June (02/06/18).

 

Mirtazapine 15mg 01/08/18- 02/10/18, 15mg (6 weeks at 15mg the two week taper). - caused deeply unpleasant waves of extreme anxiety, depression, zombie state and mania.

 

Still on 40mg of Propranolol twice a day since April 2018. Supplements: Fish oil, Magnesium, Vit B6

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  • Administrator

How long were you taking venlafaxine this last time around? You increased from 100mg to 150mg, is that correct? Please add dates to your signature for drug changes in the last year.

 

Were you taking any other drugs when you were taking venlafaxine? Are you taking any other drugs now?

 

9 hours ago, VincentV said:

As I say I went straight back down to 15mg and the jolt this up and down has given me has been very unpleasant, burning sensations in my feet, sleeplessness, louder tinnitus, worse depression and extreme anxiety. I just hope I stabilise at 15mg enough to allow me to taper.

 

Your nervous system has been sensitized by going on and off drugs and your adverse reaction to too much venlafaxine. You are now hypersensitive to drugs and their effects.

 

If mirtazapine helped you sleep, if I were you, I"d consider perhaps tapering down to 7.5mg. A little goes a long way when you're sensitized.

 

My feeling is you tapered venlafaxine too fast and you have withdrawal syndrome from that. Reinstatement of a little bit, such as 2mg, might help. This topic explains how to take a small amount Tips for tapering off Effexor (venlafaxine)

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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When I exercise these days I no longer experience any physical satisfaction. By that I mean I that I used to love running and feeling the 'high' that every runner gets after they finish, but I stopped exercising late last year after I realised it was no longer making me feel good. I recall the exact evening, after having a good work out at the gym last December I reflected afterwards that I felt nothing except tired. In fact I realised that I couldn't remember the last time exercise had made me feel very good at all. This creeping  realisation upset me and I stopped exercising. A month or so after, for reasons I thought unconnected, I was back on the Sertraline. 

 

It's been a long time for me with anti-depressants, putting all the bits of the puzzle together. Through out most of my 20s and early 30s I have been flip flopping on and off Sertraline, never connecting the depersonalisation, emotional blunting, crying bouts, anxiety, tinnitus etc.. with my anti-depressant use. 

 

My rather basic understanding is that this 'runner's high' satisfaction is caused by the body releasing "feel good" chemicals called endorphins. This is something, that for some reason, my body doesn't seem to want to do.

 

I was just wondering if anyone else was in this predicament? and whether or not  it was a known symptom of antidepressant use and withdrawal? Thoughts? 

Citalopram. Briefly early twenties, no ill effects seemingly. Don't remember dose.

 

Sertraline on and off for ten years.  I was ignorant and started and stopped frequently. Doses of 50, 75 and 100. I can not recall/did not record dates prior to 2018.

 

JANUARY 2018: Last period of use was was 150mg of sertraline on 14/01/18  (which triggered extreme depression and anxiety that never settled, amongst other symptoms). I then tapered to 100mg in March (15/03/18), then down to 75mg in April(01/04/18) , 50mg later (11/04/18) 25mg in May  (16/05/18),  and was at 0mg in June (02/06/18).

 

Mirtazapine 15mg 01/08/18- 02/10/18, 15mg (6 weeks at 15mg the two week taper). - caused deeply unpleasant waves of extreme anxiety, depression, zombie state and mania.

 

Still on 40mg of Propranolol twice a day since April 2018. Supplements: Fish oil, Magnesium, Vit B6

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1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

How long were you taking venlafaxine this last time around? You increased from 100mg to 150mg, is that correct? Please add dates to your signature for drug changes in the last year.

 

Were you taking any other drugs when you were taking venlafaxine? Are you taking any other drugs now?

 

 

Your nervous system has been sensitized by going on and off drugs and your adverse reaction to too much venlafaxine. You are now hypersensitive to drugs and their effects.

 

If mirtazapine helped you sleep, if I were you, I"d consider perhaps tapering down to 7.5mg. A little goes a long way when you're sensitized.

 

My feeling is you tapered venlafaxine too fast and you have withdrawal syndrome from that. Reinstatement of a little bit, such as 2mg, might help. This topic explains how to take a small amount Tips for tapering off Effexor (venlafaxine)

 

Hiya, sorry it was sertraline. I have just ammended signature as requested. 

Citalopram. Briefly early twenties, no ill effects seemingly. Don't remember dose.

 

Sertraline on and off for ten years.  I was ignorant and started and stopped frequently. Doses of 50, 75 and 100. I can not recall/did not record dates prior to 2018.

 

JANUARY 2018: Last period of use was was 150mg of sertraline on 14/01/18  (which triggered extreme depression and anxiety that never settled, amongst other symptoms). I then tapered to 100mg in March (15/03/18), then down to 75mg in April(01/04/18) , 50mg later (11/04/18) 25mg in May  (16/05/18),  and was at 0mg in June (02/06/18).

 

Mirtazapine 15mg 01/08/18- 02/10/18, 15mg (6 weeks at 15mg the two week taper). - caused deeply unpleasant waves of extreme anxiety, depression, zombie state and mania.

 

Still on 40mg of Propranolol twice a day since April 2018. Supplements: Fish oil, Magnesium, Vit B6

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  • Administrator

Sorry, my mistake. Suggest reinstatement of 1mg-2mg. See Tips for tapering off Zoloft (sertraline)

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Moderator Emeritus
48 minutes ago, VincentV said:

When I exercise these days I no longer experience any physical satisfaction. By that I mean I that I used to love running and feeling the 'high' that every runner gets after they finish, but I stopped exercising late last year after I realised it was no longer making me feel good. I recall the exact evening, after having a good work out at the gym last December I reflected afterwards that I felt nothing except tired. In fact I realised that I couldn't remember the last time exercise had made me feel very good at all. This creeping  realisation upset me and I stopped exercising. A month or so after, for reasons I thought unconnected, I was back on the Sertraline. 

 

There are many topics on SA.  Please either use the site search function or google and add survivingantidepressants.org to your search term.

 

 

Some members have found that they have not been able to exercise that way they used to:

 

exercise-do-more-do-less-do-nothing-what-worked-for-you

 

derealization-or-depersonalization

 

disconnect-between-interest-and-actionmotivation

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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 What a tough day its been. I got an appointment to see a GP (not the one dealing with my case) today and explained in no uncertain terms that after 6 weeks mirtazapine was making me feel worse and that I wanted to slowly come off. She suggested that because I was on "such a tiny amount" that I could taper by taking one every other day. I refused and said I would like the liquid to enable me to taper. She said there wasn't a liquid available (I asked at Boots, there is). I said how do I taper down then?, she suggested that because my orodispersible tablets dissolved in water I could "do it that way". I spoke to the pharmacist and they seemed skeptical saying the manufacturer didn't specify anything about that. I have a good quality pill cutter and a syringe, and Mirtazapine 15ml Orodispersable tables a rising tide of panic and no idea what to do.

 

Could I cut an orodispersable tablet into 16ths and taper that way, at least to begin with?

Citalopram. Briefly early twenties, no ill effects seemingly. Don't remember dose.

 

Sertraline on and off for ten years.  I was ignorant and started and stopped frequently. Doses of 50, 75 and 100. I can not recall/did not record dates prior to 2018.

 

JANUARY 2018: Last period of use was was 150mg of sertraline on 14/01/18  (which triggered extreme depression and anxiety that never settled, amongst other symptoms). I then tapered to 100mg in March (15/03/18), then down to 75mg in April(01/04/18) , 50mg later (11/04/18) 25mg in May  (16/05/18),  and was at 0mg in June (02/06/18).

 

Mirtazapine 15mg 01/08/18- 02/10/18, 15mg (6 weeks at 15mg the two week taper). - caused deeply unpleasant waves of extreme anxiety, depression, zombie state and mania.

 

Still on 40mg of Propranolol twice a day since April 2018. Supplements: Fish oil, Magnesium, Vit B6

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Hi Vincent

I'm so sorry you are having a tough time. It all sounds very difficult. Just take some small comfort that you are not alone and people here do care.

 

I can relate to the total incomprehension from the doctor's here. I had an adverse reaction to sleeping pills ( which I shouldn't  have been  prescribed)and no doctor has acknowledged that even though I became very unwell after three days of taking them, and saw a doctor within a week saying I was feeling very suicidal. I saw different doctors the whole way along and ended up in Quetiapine which now I am struggling to taper. I reduced my dose by half having been given some terrible advice by a retired psychiatrist.I am having bad withdrawal symptoms even though I have only taken it for a matter of weeks. 

It all happened very fast- just from July 7 until now. It's not easy at all to deal with the feeling of having been harmed by the medical community.

I asked - begged really - the doctor I last saw to give me the liquid form of Quetiapine and she totally refused citing cost and instead told me to cut up my pills!. She has absolutely no idea about withdrawal or tapering, and I think not many do. It's a difficult situation. There is a way to stabilise though and then manage your taper slowly.

I have no advice to give you about making a liquid , hopefully a mod will be along soon to do that, but I just wanted to say hi as I resonate with your experience, and hope you can find a way to make the dose that you need. Keep posting on here it helps to not feel so alone. 

We will get through this..slowly does it. 

All the best, lilabella. 

11 July 2018 3.75mg zopiclone 14 days missed one dose at least doubled one dose 

22 July 2018 2 mg Valium one week ish

30/july/18 quetiapine 25

31/july/2018 quetiapine 100

1/August/2018 quetiapine 200

14/August/2018 quetiapine 100

14/ September /2018 Quetiapine 87.5mg

Not doing so well on this drop. 

many changes up and down as doctors didn't believe me when I said I needed to go slowly down. Withdrawal became impossible to function and I was hospitalised. 

Feb 2021- now  10 mg olanzapine 

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  • 4 weeks later...

I am going to have to quit work this week because I feel that I can no longer carry on in my job. I'm moving in with a good friend and ex who has said they will help me through this and putting the house out to let.

 

The pain is so, so bad today its like a constant knife in my heart.  I can't believe this is happening to me. This is so hard, sometimes it feels like I'm literally being ripped apart, like every cell in my body is screaming. I don't know what it is, how to describe the feeling. It like some kind of deep kind of burning anxiety, I'm hyper sensitive to any even vaguely annoying noise or sound. I can't sleep and when I shut my eyes and try to sleep my thoughts go all weird and images flash before my eyes and that's before the hypnic jerk. I keep telling my self to just get through the day, get through to January and see how I feel.

 

I don't know if this is still from the Sertraline or the few weeks of Mirtazapine. I know that for nearly everyone it seems things get better with time, I don't dare to hope to be fully healed any time soon. I just want to hope for a  window, or anything, in a few months. Is it likely? I'm not suicidal but I'm just trying so hard to hold on right now.

 

I wish I'd have known this could have happened before I ever took antidepressants. How do people cope in the acute phase? All I have done to today is pray that it'd go quicker.

 

I've thought about reinstating Sertraline but its been 5 months (with nearly two horrible months on Mirtazapine in the way). Plus its not available in liquid in the UK, so I don't know what to do as I'm terrified of going back on a higher dose.

 

I am not religious but I have never needed prayers/a miracle so much as now.

Citalopram. Briefly early twenties, no ill effects seemingly. Don't remember dose.

 

Sertraline on and off for ten years.  I was ignorant and started and stopped frequently. Doses of 50, 75 and 100. I can not recall/did not record dates prior to 2018.

 

JANUARY 2018: Last period of use was was 150mg of sertraline on 14/01/18  (which triggered extreme depression and anxiety that never settled, amongst other symptoms). I then tapered to 100mg in March (15/03/18), then down to 75mg in April(01/04/18) , 50mg later (11/04/18) 25mg in May  (16/05/18),  and was at 0mg in June (02/06/18).

 

Mirtazapine 15mg 01/08/18- 02/10/18, 15mg (6 weeks at 15mg the two week taper). - caused deeply unpleasant waves of extreme anxiety, depression, zombie state and mania.

 

Still on 40mg of Propranolol twice a day since April 2018. Supplements: Fish oil, Magnesium, Vit B6

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  • Moderator Emeritus
4 hours ago, VincentV said:

I've thought about reinstating Sertraline but its been 5 months (with nearly two horrible months on Mirtazapine in the way). Plus its not available in liquid in the UK, so I don't know what to do as I'm terrified of going back on a higher dose.

 

Tablets can be dissolved in water to make your own liquid.  tips-for-tapering-off-zoloft-sertraline    If you do decide to reistate it would be best to start with a very tiny amount to test it first.  You could then increase by asmall amount if things went okay.  It is better to increase gradually than to risk taking too much.

 

Post #1 of this topic:  About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

On 9/17/2018 at 8:48 AM, Altostrata said:

Suggest reinstatement of 1mg-2mg.

 

That was 1 month ago.  You could try even less.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • Administrator

Hello, Vincent. Are these symptoms better or worse at any particular time of day?

 

Are you off mirtazapine now? Are you feeling better or worse off mirtazapine? How's your sleep?

 

Do you have any sertraline tablets left?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Mentor

Hi Vincent,

 

My name is Rachel and I thought I would stop in just to give you support.  I am a Zoloft (Sertraline)  survivor. I have never taken Mirtazapine so I can't speak to that. 

 

I know the pain you are talking about.  I know how brutal it is.  I also know it's difficult to describe to someone who hasn't experienced it. Just thinking about what I experienced makes me cringe.  I understand what you are saying.

 

You are in excellent hands with ChessieCat and Altostrata.  The mods here got me through a time much like you are going through. Stick with it and you will survive. They might ask questions, I remembered I could barely answer when they asked me questions, I was that sick. But answer them I did. They need that information to help you. I also read everything that they suggested to me and then a lot more that was on this site. Sometimes it was hard to read because my was cognitive function was poor, but I when I had good moments I did read. Sometimes I had to read the same thing over and over for a period of months, yes my comprehension was that poor. The information though is worth it. Keep trying.

 

I am thinking about you, if you need support write me, or read my thread. I don't give advice, I leave that to the experts, but I do offer my support because I have been through it. In the mean time know that you will be helped here and you will return to whatever your normal is.

 

Warm wishes and thoughts for a quick recovery,

Rachel

 

I am not a health professional in any way.  I do not give medical advice.   Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a professional medical practitioner.

 

NEW INFORMATION FOR GABAPENTIN TAPER

April 29, 2022 900 mg to 800 mg (11%), May 29, 2022 800 to 700 mg (12.5%), June 20, 2022 700 to 650mg (8%), July 20, 2022 650 to 575 (12%), August 20,  575 to 500 (13%),  Sept 20, 2020 500 to 475mg (5%) Nov 7, 2022 475 to 425 (11%), Nov 21, 2022 500mg

Medications: Gabapentin, Prednisone 1.5mg a day, Cortisol Inhaler daily. 

HISTORY FOR ZOLOFT TAPER

Feb. 2016 to June 2016  - Was on 150mg Zoloft.  Put on Gabapentin at 900mg a day in 2016 due to antidepressant withdrawal. 

Quit Zoloft (Sertraline) June  2016,  reinstated 50mg of Zoloft July 2016.  From July 2016  to October 2016 went from 50 mg down 2.3 mg. I up-dosed in November 2016 to 12.5 mg. Held there until January 2017 when I started a much slower taper.

STARTING SENSIBLE  ZOLOFT TAPERING USING GUIDELINES FROM THIS SITE

Dec. 10 2016  - switched to Liquid Zoloft (Sertraline) @ 12.5 mg.   Jan. 4, 2020 1.875 mg (6.3%). Jan. 25, 2020 1.75 mgFeb. 29, 2020 1.625mg (7.10%).  Apr. 4, 2020 1.5 mg.  May 9, 2020 1.375 mg.  June 6, 2020 1.25 mg. (9.10%).  July 4, 2020 1.125 mg. (10%).  August 15, 2020 1.0 mg.  Oct 24, 2020 .875 mg.  Nov. 28, 2020 .75mgJan 16, 2021 .685mg (8.7%).  Feb 13, 2021 .62mg. March 12, 2021 .56mg.  May 1, 2021 .375mg.  May 29, 2021 .25mg. June 26, 2021 .0125mg. July 25, 2021 .065mg. August 22, 2021 .048mg.  October 2, 2021 .043mg.  October 10, 2021 .038mg.  October 23, 2021 .035mg.  October 30, 2021 .032mg.  Nov. 13, 2021 .030 mg.  Dec 4, 2021 .0285 mg.  Dec 11, 2021 .0265 mg. Dec 18, 2021 .0246 mg. Dec 25, 2021 .023mg. Jan 1, 2022. 0 mg. OFF COMPLETELY

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  • 4 weeks later...

Thank you for all your responses I'm sorry I haven't got back sooner. I hope everyone is doing well.

 

Just to update the "pain" is less severe now. Its following the windows and waves pattern just like you guys have all said. I'm currently in another 'dip' after 7 days of feeling numb, but fairly functional (which is so much better then how I was). This dip hasn't been as bad as previous ones, though its still very unpleasant. I am hopeful that this is an indication of progress (though I'm only 5 weeks off my brief stint on Mirtazapine so its too early to say). I intend to stay off medication now for good and up date every 4 to 8 weeks.

 

RachealSusan, my cognition is still awful at the moment I can totally relate to that. In my better moments last week I was able to read and even listen to music, which was wonderful.

 

Altostrata, My core symptoms of depression and anxiety (which are the closest I can come to describing these horrible weird feelings) are normally always worse from around noon until about 6pm. My sleep is the one thing that's managed to hold up through out all of this, I do not know how I'm still sleeping, but its a life saver. I don't have any medication left though I did invest in some jewelers scales just incase I do have to taper something. I don't think I want to reinstate Sertraline though, I think at this point I am close to being 6 months off the medication and ideally want to see if I can just push on through to the 12 month mark. This is especially now I have had that relatively good week, even if I'm not back to normal after a year (that's just feels too much to dare hope for), if I see a solid trend I'll be happy.

 

One thing I have noticed is that I'm very sensitive now to histamines, which I assume is from the Mirtazapine. My biggest fear is having a crash (though how things could get worse I don't want to imagine) at the end of this month, as typically 6-8 weeks after coming off sertraline is when the withdrawals would kick in for me and I'd go back on (with out realising they were withdrawals). I just hope I avoid that with mirtazapine and that it's all (even if its very bumpy) uphill from here. Wish me luck.

Citalopram. Briefly early twenties, no ill effects seemingly. Don't remember dose.

 

Sertraline on and off for ten years.  I was ignorant and started and stopped frequently. Doses of 50, 75 and 100. I can not recall/did not record dates prior to 2018.

 

JANUARY 2018: Last period of use was was 150mg of sertraline on 14/01/18  (which triggered extreme depression and anxiety that never settled, amongst other symptoms). I then tapered to 100mg in March (15/03/18), then down to 75mg in April(01/04/18) , 50mg later (11/04/18) 25mg in May  (16/05/18),  and was at 0mg in June (02/06/18).

 

Mirtazapine 15mg 01/08/18- 02/10/18, 15mg (6 weeks at 15mg the two week taper). - caused deeply unpleasant waves of extreme anxiety, depression, zombie state and mania.

 

Still on 40mg of Propranolol twice a day since April 2018. Supplements: Fish oil, Magnesium, Vit B6

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  • Moderator Emeritus
6 hours ago, VincentV said:

One thing I have noticed is that I'm very sensitive now to histamines

 

Here's SA's topic:  histamine-food-intolerance

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • 3 weeks later...

Six months after Sertraline  (Two months after Mirtazapine):

 

Just thought I'd update. 

 

My cognition is still very bad, the 'brick in my head'/labotomised feeling where it just feels like I can't access all of 'me' is the worst. I feel so unbelievably foggy like my own self is shrouded from me. I'm not sure if its just an extreme form of depersonalisation or dissociation or brain damage, or what it is. It makes it very hard to have much insight into how I'm feeling right now, its like I'm running on autopilot, detached from life. 

 

Depression, anxiety and a weird akathisia-like tension/agitation in my legs seem to come and go in shallow waves. There are no really acute points like a couple of months ago (when I had to fight impulses to throw my self out of windows) . Its just this constant bad feeling, which sometimes feels more anxious, sometimes more depressed etc.. I'd say my mood over the last week or so has had let quite bit of a dip.

 

Over all though November was better than October. Sleep is still holding up well, and that's a real mercy.

 

My life is now basically on hold until I figure out where to go from here. No job, my house is being rented out. I'm being helped and looked after though and there's no way I couldn't get through this with out other peoples help and support. I'm so grateful to them.

 

I guess I'm trying to figure out what my options are, if I don't continue on a pattern of improvement, or get worse in the next two or three months what should I do? 

 

Is reinstating a small amount of Sertraline out of the question now?  Has anyone on here reinstated successfully after so long a time? 

Citalopram. Briefly early twenties, no ill effects seemingly. Don't remember dose.

 

Sertraline on and off for ten years.  I was ignorant and started and stopped frequently. Doses of 50, 75 and 100. I can not recall/did not record dates prior to 2018.

 

JANUARY 2018: Last period of use was was 150mg of sertraline on 14/01/18  (which triggered extreme depression and anxiety that never settled, amongst other symptoms). I then tapered to 100mg in March (15/03/18), then down to 75mg in April(01/04/18) , 50mg later (11/04/18) 25mg in May  (16/05/18),  and was at 0mg in June (02/06/18).

 

Mirtazapine 15mg 01/08/18- 02/10/18, 15mg (6 weeks at 15mg the two week taper). - caused deeply unpleasant waves of extreme anxiety, depression, zombie state and mania.

 

Still on 40mg of Propranolol twice a day since April 2018. Supplements: Fish oil, Magnesium, Vit B6

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  • 1 month later...

Seven months after Sertraline  (Three months after Mirtazapine):

 

Just updating for December and for the new year. I'm still persevering, still here. Generally feeling a little more hopeful. 

 

The bad news first: My cognition is still not very good, the disociated/detached /lobotomised/lack of insight feeling is pretty total. Though I have times where I'm upset by it and times I'm more resigned somehow. Its still the worst feeling. 

 

I'm still deeply anhedonic and very depressed (though looking back through my journal makes me realise I'm less depressed than I was) . My moods arent really fully responsive to external events like something good or bad happening, though I think they might be more subtly responsive. The one exception is noise (from people) induced agitation/irritation which ramps up from  0-10 immediately. I'm still very much on auto pilot. No capacity to deal with stress or complex plans. 

 

The good news: my anxiety, 'tension' (which was unbelievably horrible),  obsessive rumination, suicidal thoughts and 'akathisia-like' feelings are considerably reduded from their September /October peak.  

 

All of these symptoms undulate in waves which feel pretty subtle. Some weeks are better or worse than others. There's been no insomnia, psychomotor agitation or histimine reaction this month. 

 

Life is still basically on hold and I'm continually grateful for all the help I'm getting, I certainly couldn't have got through this on my own. 

 

Though its always difficult to feel it when it still feels like you're in such a bad place but im certain December was better than November. Things are improving.

 

I'm wishing everyone on SD all the best for the new year. Here's hoping we all big make steps to recovery and finally get this monkey off our backs. 

 

Peace. 

 

 

Citalopram. Briefly early twenties, no ill effects seemingly. Don't remember dose.

 

Sertraline on and off for ten years.  I was ignorant and started and stopped frequently. Doses of 50, 75 and 100. I can not recall/did not record dates prior to 2018.

 

JANUARY 2018: Last period of use was was 150mg of sertraline on 14/01/18  (which triggered extreme depression and anxiety that never settled, amongst other symptoms). I then tapered to 100mg in March (15/03/18), then down to 75mg in April(01/04/18) , 50mg later (11/04/18) 25mg in May  (16/05/18),  and was at 0mg in June (02/06/18).

 

Mirtazapine 15mg 01/08/18- 02/10/18, 15mg (6 weeks at 15mg the two week taper). - caused deeply unpleasant waves of extreme anxiety, depression, zombie state and mania.

 

Still on 40mg of Propranolol twice a day since April 2018. Supplements: Fish oil, Magnesium, Vit B6

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  • Moderator Emeritus
57 minutes ago, VincentV said:

The one exception is noise (from people) induced agitation/irritation which ramps up from  0-10 immediately.

 

I've recently purchased a pair of noise cancelling headphones which I have found helpful.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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Urgh and then I have awful days like today where the fog is so bad that its like being in a waking dream. Its disorientating and scary. Does any one else get that?

 

I get so disconnected and dissociated from my own feelings and 'self' that its actually the hardest thing ever to discribe how I feel. Although I know 'really awful' would sum it up.  It's days like this that I

really think about reinstatement, or ECT or anything. I look at old pictures of my self and don't recognise that person or that life. The idea of 'consciousnessly enjoying' something seems increadible. And yet I remember the Christmas before this one just gone enjoying things and feeling the best I'd felt in ages. That was before all of this. I wish I'd have known about how to taper off of Sertraline properly, I wish my  Dr would've known enough to tell me. 

 

7 months off sertraline, and its still tough.

Citalopram. Briefly early twenties, no ill effects seemingly. Don't remember dose.

 

Sertraline on and off for ten years.  I was ignorant and started and stopped frequently. Doses of 50, 75 and 100. I can not recall/did not record dates prior to 2018.

 

JANUARY 2018: Last period of use was was 150mg of sertraline on 14/01/18  (which triggered extreme depression and anxiety that never settled, amongst other symptoms). I then tapered to 100mg in March (15/03/18), then down to 75mg in April(01/04/18) , 50mg later (11/04/18) 25mg in May  (16/05/18),  and was at 0mg in June (02/06/18).

 

Mirtazapine 15mg 01/08/18- 02/10/18, 15mg (6 weeks at 15mg the two week taper). - caused deeply unpleasant waves of extreme anxiety, depression, zombie state and mania.

 

Still on 40mg of Propranolol twice a day since April 2018. Supplements: Fish oil, Magnesium, Vit B6

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Instead of comparing how I feel now with how I felt at my best, I find it better to compare how I feel now with how I felt at my worst.  Then I can see that there have been improvements.  That doesn't mean to say that I like how I am feeling but I have learned to accept that it is how things are at this time and it helps me not to get so stressed about it.  Stressing and worrying means that the brain diverts its attention away from healing because it is trying to deal with keeping a person safe from harm.

 

And we can't change the past.  What's done is done and continuing to dwell on it doesn't help and isn't healthy.

 

Acceptance

 

ect-for-withdrawal-symptoms

 

anhedonia-apathy-demotivation-emotional-numbness

 

disconnect-between-interest-and-actionmotivation

 

brain-fog-blank-mind-comprehension-cognitive-and-memory-problems

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • 4 weeks later...

Eight months after Sertraline  (Four months after Mirtazapine):

 

Just updating for January.  Not much has changed, life is going on and though I am still very depressed, I have hope. I have moved back to a more rural area in England and have made friends with an Italian neighbour. He needs help learning English, so I'm helping him. It's good because it makes me 'feel' just slightly useful. I am also going to join a local gym and go very slowly with it and see how I go. The intention is to have gentle, regular exercise. I would like to some weights though, just to tone, but we'll see how my body reacts. Some days I know I'll have the motivation other days I know I just won't.

 

My cognition is still very bad and very foggy most days. The anhedonia isn't completely total but its really hard to tell if I'm enjoying something, its kind of something I only 'know' in retrospect. For example I spent last night with friends just watching Netflix and though I felt pretty numb and detached through it, I seemed to be laughing and joking and I wanted to keep watching the programmes when asked. My 'auto pilot' (depersonalisation?)is just so total sometimes. I wonder really if my friends would really even notice anything is wrong or up with me if I hadn't said.

 

I know that I certainly have no desire to almost do anything I used to enjoy. Reading a book is still impossible. The detachment/depersonalisation is pretty total. Its like my 'inner self/being' has been covered in heavy snow and I am  just ploughing on under it on autopilot. I still have virtually no capacity to deal with stress and I am very easily irritated.  January has had a couple of nasty days where I felt the dreaded mental 'tension' feeling, but mostly its been a succession  'ok' grey, foggy days.

 

I was prescribed some antibiotics of an infection a couple of days ago and have only taken two of three of the course of pills. The idea of having some kind of reaction to them worries me. So far though I haven't had a problem though but I think I might discontinue with them and not risk it.

 

I might start to update a little less frequently as I have a feeling improvements (if thy happen) are going to be much slower as the months roll by.   Things are still much better than a few months ago, its just that depressingly, 30 days just might not be long enough to chart  improvement.

 

I hope everyone's doing well.

 

Peace. 

Citalopram. Briefly early twenties, no ill effects seemingly. Don't remember dose.

 

Sertraline on and off for ten years.  I was ignorant and started and stopped frequently. Doses of 50, 75 and 100. I can not recall/did not record dates prior to 2018.

 

JANUARY 2018: Last period of use was was 150mg of sertraline on 14/01/18  (which triggered extreme depression and anxiety that never settled, amongst other symptoms). I then tapered to 100mg in March (15/03/18), then down to 75mg in April(01/04/18) , 50mg later (11/04/18) 25mg in May  (16/05/18),  and was at 0mg in June (02/06/18).

 

Mirtazapine 15mg 01/08/18- 02/10/18, 15mg (6 weeks at 15mg the two week taper). - caused deeply unpleasant waves of extreme anxiety, depression, zombie state and mania.

 

Still on 40mg of Propranolol twice a day since April 2018. Supplements: Fish oil, Magnesium, Vit B6

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Vincent, 

 

Thanks for such a thorough update. I’m glad helping your neighbour learn English has given you something positive to focus on. It’s always good to find things that make us feel useful despite how limited we can feel at times.

 

Yes, it’s a good idea to go really slowly with the exercise, you don’t want to ramp up your CNS with anything strenuous.

 

Depersonalisation certainly is a weird feeling, you describe it as being in heavy snow. I feel like I’m looking through Vaseline, like everything is surreal. You know you are there and you are in reality, but at the same time it’s like you’re not really there. It’s really hard to describe, isn’t it? I’ve had it for over 24 years because of my illness, CFS, it’s also a CNS illness that gives you extreme brain fog. When withdrawals are bad I’m barely functional at all.

 

Continue to update, good or bad. It’s good to journal because then you can look back over your journey. I’m glad things are better now than they were a few months ago. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am so angry and upset I don't know what to do. I went round a group of old school friends yesterday afternoon to properly socialise for the first time in ages and a friend's drunk and unpleasant  coke-head boyfriend thought it would be funny to spike my drink with 'a pinch' of cocaine.  I was telling my friend about antidepressant withdrawal and how I was avoiding almost everything psychoactive incase I was sensitive to it.  I cannot get over how evil that man is and how some people I thought were friends could be so blaze and childish. I left as soon as I was told, I literally felt the floor collapse under me and ran out in sobs, which I'm extremely embarrassed about. I'm a 33 year old man and just ran out the door saying 'I've got to go, I've got to go'. The whole thing has caused a massive rift, the boyfriend has now denied it saying it was a joke. My friend has tried to reassure me that that's true. My mental state isn't great at the moment and I have no idea if the old me would have laughed along or what, I can't think so. I'm not somebody that does drugs and certainly not in withdrawal (!!!). I don't think I can call the police for the sheer mental stress of it.

 

I didn't taste anything funny in my drink, but it was quite sweet. I didn't feel 'high' either but then again I'm so dissociated I can drink a beer and not really feel anything. The thing that makes me think he did really put coke in my drink is that I know he had definitely had some that evening and the fact that I was very tired and when I tried to sleep last night I couldn't. I'd close my eyes and all these images and bright lights would flash before my eyes. The relatively benign mood of the last few days has also vanished. I'm so anxious and depressed I can't work out if how I feel today is 'normal' withdrawal or a new layer. He doesn't seem to realise that he could have just chucked me into the abyss, what if I crash again?. I feel so dissociated and depressed and anxious right now.

 

 

Citalopram. Briefly early twenties, no ill effects seemingly. Don't remember dose.

 

Sertraline on and off for ten years.  I was ignorant and started and stopped frequently. Doses of 50, 75 and 100. I can not recall/did not record dates prior to 2018.

 

JANUARY 2018: Last period of use was was 150mg of sertraline on 14/01/18  (which triggered extreme depression and anxiety that never settled, amongst other symptoms). I then tapered to 100mg in March (15/03/18), then down to 75mg in April(01/04/18) , 50mg later (11/04/18) 25mg in May  (16/05/18),  and was at 0mg in June (02/06/18).

 

Mirtazapine 15mg 01/08/18- 02/10/18, 15mg (6 weeks at 15mg the two week taper). - caused deeply unpleasant waves of extreme anxiety, depression, zombie state and mania.

 

Still on 40mg of Propranolol twice a day since April 2018. Supplements: Fish oil, Magnesium, Vit B6

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On 7/28/2018 at 12:19 AM, VincentV said:

The Dr wants to put me on venlafaxine i have the pills but i cant bring my self to take them.

 

I had a Doc  when i was in hospital cross tapering me over to another drug. He didn't put me on venlafaxine (Effexor) because of the withdrawals people experience.

2008-2012: Cymbalta, Zyprexa, Valium (5 days supply),

2012 - Seroquel x 4 weeks C/T. 

2014 - Seroquel x 2 Weeks C/T. Crossed to Risperidone 3mg for 6months until December.

2014 - Stopped Risperidone. Xfer > Anti-Depressant 200mg Zoloft and 6mg Clonazepam. 

2018 - 150mg Clomipromine changed Anti-depressant. Tapered Benzo to 1mg Clonazepam. 2019 - xfer to 20mg Diazepam. 

 

Currently:

Anafranil: 75mg. 17th Dec 2022 70mg. 27th Dec 22: 75mg, 14 January 23': 70mg. 16-26th January: 50mg (too fast drop no sleep). Jan 28th 2023: 70mg. 20 Feb 2023: 65mg. 11/06: 60mg 9/08: 55mg 15/08/23 : 50mg
3/03/2024: 60mg (Updose)

 

        Diazepam (V): 25th Oct 2019' 20mg. 22 Dec 19' 19mg. 04 Apr 2020' 18mg,  30 September 20' 17.5mg , 13 Nov 2020' 17mg. 01 January 2021: 16mg, 13th Aug 21' 15mg. 1st Nov' 2021 14.5mg. 1st Dec' 2021 14mg. 13 January 2022: 13.5mg, 11 Feb: 13mg.  11 April 22' 12.5mg, 12 May 22': 12mg, 6th September 2022: 11mg Valium. 9th October: 10.5mg, 25th Oct 10mg. 12 March 23: 9.5mg 2 April: 9.25mg 23 April: 9mg 12/05: 8.75 26/05: 8.5 12/09: 8.25 21/09: 8.5. 3/10: 8.25 17/10: 8mg 20th Nov Brassmonkey: (7.9.,7.8, 7.75) 5 Feb: 7.25mg. 23 Feb: 7mg 

*.      Have tried to go at faster rate than 0.5mg but is currently too fast. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Nine months after Sertraline  (5 months after Mirtazapine):

 

I have a slightly cooler head on today and will just do a mini up date just to help me keep track. I just don't know if I was spiked or not its absurd. I don't talk to any one in that group more. Honestly I think not, I have a feeling I just went wacko which also worries me. I want to forget about it.

 

This is the first time though that I think my symptoms are probably worse than the preceding month (although looking back at what I've written I'm not sure). I'm not sure whether its down to the stress or not. I have unpleasant symptoms (dread, anxiety, agitation, depression and even some fleeting suicidal thoughts etc) very similar to some of the earlier symptoms.  I've stopped the gym for now until I feel better. I'm barely doing anything anyway. The dissociation was brutal but now the anxiety/dread has ramped back up a bit after being at a pretty low level. The first two weeks of February were the best yet but things have kind of declined since then with last night being pretty tough. I just can't stand this numbness and dissociation (or what I think is dissociation I'm not sure because it doesn't feel that much like previous ), its like only half my mind is working properly. I'm here but I'm not really here, its unbearable at times. I cant hold on an weigh a single feeling, its like there are thick walls of glass in my head. We'll see how things go. Hope every ones doing well.

Citalopram. Briefly early twenties, no ill effects seemingly. Don't remember dose.

 

Sertraline on and off for ten years.  I was ignorant and started and stopped frequently. Doses of 50, 75 and 100. I can not recall/did not record dates prior to 2018.

 

JANUARY 2018: Last period of use was was 150mg of sertraline on 14/01/18  (which triggered extreme depression and anxiety that never settled, amongst other symptoms). I then tapered to 100mg in March (15/03/18), then down to 75mg in April(01/04/18) , 50mg later (11/04/18) 25mg in May  (16/05/18),  and was at 0mg in June (02/06/18).

 

Mirtazapine 15mg 01/08/18- 02/10/18, 15mg (6 weeks at 15mg the two week taper). - caused deeply unpleasant waves of extreme anxiety, depression, zombie state and mania.

 

Still on 40mg of Propranolol twice a day since April 2018. Supplements: Fish oil, Magnesium, Vit B6

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I think it's a good thing that you vented here about the experience you had socializing with your group of old school friends.   Sharing a bad experience is therapeutic.   Clearly these are people who are not beneficial to your recovery.   You can choose to let go of those people and that distressing experience.

 

I'm hoping you can find a comfort zone for awhile to help you heal in your WD.  Be kind to yourself.

 

G. 

  

Hydrochlorothiazide 25 mg, Multi vit., Calcium, D3,  Magnesium, Fish Oil, Melatonin,  Ambien 3.3 mg 1 or 2X/mo.  Benadryl-seldom, .......2002 - eliminated alcohol

2002- Paxil - 20 mg (3 WD attempts: 2005, 2008, 2010)

2011 - 30 mg 

2018 - 40 mg- Sept to Nov} {Dec - 37.5}

Jan 2, 2019 - 35 mg

Jan 11 -  33.75 mg

Jan 28 - 32.5 mg

Feb 4 -  33.75 mg 

Mar 4 - 32 mg

Mar 30 - 30 mg

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Ten months after Sertraline  (six months after Mirtazapine)

 

Things have improved moderately I guess since I last wrote. In some ways it's really is hard to self assess because I lack insight, or rather, with the dissociation and anhedonia still so prominent it certainly feels like I lack insight. I will try though just to help me leave a record to compare and help myself and anyone else who might be interested. Apologies if this is a long update.

 

According to my calendar this month just gone (March '19) I've probably had 6 or 7 'good' days (this isn't one of them) where my mood's been elevated, I've have a higher tolerance for people and I've felt like doing a few things. In those days I'm not totally consumed by and constantly thinking about this illness. There have been 2-3 very bad days where I've been in bed, unable to do little else but let my mind churn. One day I had symptoms (I call it 'brain crush' and it feels like how it sounds) caused from trying to achieve too much on a day out (a long care journey, shopping for knickknacks and a slice of cake in a café were too much that day). I've not had that particular feeling since last year. I also have a day with a lot leg tension which felt a bit 'akathisia like' though I could just be being overly worried.

 

Generally my mood over March has been quite variable and  through out the day it oscillates between bad and less bad/'good' underlying moods. I'm always dissociated (or depersonalised?) but some times it feels so intense along with the numbing anhedonia, that it feels like I've got brain damage. Its been months now and I still can't access the 'inner me'. It's like the wiring in different parts of my brain has gone faulty and I can't get to him. I have no idea who or what is feeling these 'feelings'. My mind is often a restless mind. Will this ever go?

 

My depression and anxiety are still there but not as intense or all consuming as they were in the early months. I'd be hard pushed to say if they were much better or worse though from February. They kind of bubble up at various points during the day.

 

I have heightened irritability. Its ramps up immediately if people ask me too many questions (even easy ones like what's your favourite colour), make rustling noises, talk too loud, chew loudly, or I have to plan stuff or I have too much stuff on.

 

My cognitions and memory is still very poor. I talk to friends of mine and just can't remember anecdotes or amusing stories. These are things that didn't happen too long ago and that I ought to be able to remember, it is extremely frustrating and dispiriting because these memories help tether me to my past life and feeling normal. The forgetfulness is a bit like what I'd imagine very mild dementia is like. I have virtually zero capacity for emotional memory recall at the moment. How I feel in the present moment 'ok' or 'bad' or 'very bad' dominates and I have to try really hard to remember. 

 

I have an assessment with a community psych nurse at the end of this month which I'm dreading because I know how pointless and disappointing its going to be.

 

Honestly I don't not know where I go from here. Continue just doing what I'm doing I guess, I'm not very really suicidal anymore. The depression and anxiety are  livable , the cognition is annoying, the irritation very unpleasant but not unbearable. What I find really hard to deal with is this  intense dissociation and anhedonia. It feels like I've been brain damaged and I just cant gather my thoughts up and 'feel' them, I try to (literally every second of the day sometimes) and its like I'm  CONSTANTLY MISFIRING.  It's honestly the most difficult thing, right now at least.

 

This is perhaps not the most positive sounding update. There are times when I feel or think I feel very sad about this strange and actually really quite horrific turn my life has taken.  I know things could be worse though and I know that at least I've not gotten markedly worse.  Perhaps they have and I'm just unable to sense it. It's why keeping track is so important. Things are certainly better then in the beginning and in the beginning that is all I prayed for.

 

 I hope this month is a kinder one for me, with more good days.

 

I wish everyone well, and hope this month is kind to all of us.

 

Peace 

 

 

 

 

Citalopram. Briefly early twenties, no ill effects seemingly. Don't remember dose.

 

Sertraline on and off for ten years.  I was ignorant and started and stopped frequently. Doses of 50, 75 and 100. I can not recall/did not record dates prior to 2018.

 

JANUARY 2018: Last period of use was was 150mg of sertraline on 14/01/18  (which triggered extreme depression and anxiety that never settled, amongst other symptoms). I then tapered to 100mg in March (15/03/18), then down to 75mg in April(01/04/18) , 50mg later (11/04/18) 25mg in May  (16/05/18),  and was at 0mg in June (02/06/18).

 

Mirtazapine 15mg 01/08/18- 02/10/18, 15mg (6 weeks at 15mg the two week taper). - caused deeply unpleasant waves of extreme anxiety, depression, zombie state and mania.

 

Still on 40mg of Propranolol twice a day since April 2018. Supplements: Fish oil, Magnesium, Vit B6

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi Vincent, I can really relate to everything you wrote. Especially:

 

Quote

What I find really hard to deal with is this  intense dissociation and anhedonia. It feels like I've been brain damaged and I just cant gather my thoughts up and 'feel' them, I try to (literally every second of the day sometimes) and its like I'm  CONSTANTLY MISFIRING.  It's honestly the most difficult thing, right now at least.

 

I do believe (on some level) that our brains can heal, even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment.

 

Best wishes to you on your journey.

- 2003 to 2015: celexa, 20 mg, ~12 years

- 2015: easy switch off celexa and onto cymbalta, 30mg

     (over a decade of fantastic years in here, with one anxiety/depressive episode brought on by a breakup, which I got through with therapy, tools, etc)

- 2017: Nov/December: tapered off cymbalta, 20mg --> 0, over 1.5 mo. in conjunction with my (former) psychiatrist. Zero date: 12/15/17

     (I was just sort of curious to try being off meds after so many (great) years. I wondered the degree to which meds may have been affecting my sex drive/orgasm/access to deeper emotions. After going off was ok for about 3 mo... then: horrible anxiety, panic attacks (first time in 14 years and way stronger than I ever had before), agitation, suicidal depression, crushing physical sensation, anhedonia, dp/dr, emotional numbness. Horrible.)

- 2018, July 21: Tried going back on celexa, 5mg

    (HORRIBLE adverse reaction, discontinued after 10 days, stopped 7/31/18, thought I would need to be hospitalized)

- 2018, Aug 3: Tried remeron, got up to 15mg for 14 days, then tapered back down to 3.5 mg/d (super sedating, couldn't think and could feel even less)

- 2018, Sept 7 - Oct: Restarted Cymbalta, ~4mg (sept 9, stopped the 3.5 mg of remeron). Went up to 13 mg Cymbalta, then right back down to 4.5mg.

    (Now see it as withdrawal and am wanting to get off and heal.)

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Eleven months after Sertraline  (Seven months after Mirtazapine)

 

Just checking in really, as I write this my mood isn't great (I have a face full of anesthetic curtesy of the dentist)so it might colour what I write. I put a YouTube video up a few days ago documenting my experiences too, which I'll link too here:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VpLpXupCPQ

 

Overall, things have not changed that much since last month. April has been a very odd month, I've been simultaneously up (relatively speaking)  and down for much of it unable to figure out what I really feel much of the time if anything at all. Again there have probably been between 7-8 good fairly functional days. The difference is that they don't seem to have been quite as good as in previous months (February) and many are scattered, rarely have I thought about going back to work for example.

 

Its weird I've had lots of half days that have been ok, but they're interspersed with difficult hours of immense pain and dissociation. My anxiety, leg tension (akathisia?), tinnitus and the severe depression and suicidal thoughts remain fairly low when compared to the beginning. Dissociation, poor cognition, anhedonia, hyperacusis/sound sensitivity, earworms (two weeks on and off with the same annoying ambient piece of music in my head!) and general agitated dysphoria' are very high. Most days I still can't quite seem to find a comfy mental 'groove' to plod along in. Dissociation is my mental groove. The hated 'lobotomised feeling' has also had a few reappearances which have been difficult for me. Its very frightening and feels like my mind's been cut in two. I do not know if thinking about my illness 80-90% of the time counts as obsessive thinking. I never feel like I'm explaining things right.

 

On the plus side I managed my first afternoon nap WITHOUT a hypnic jerk/painful depression and I pretty genuinely laughed at something (without the endorphins though). I also was able to cry (I'd forgot my late fathers birthday), which though dissociated did feel like it was important, because it felt almost normal. I didn't get endorphins at  the end but didn't expect any. I still can't concentrate enough to read a book.

 

I finally had my appointment with a CPN (community psych nurse). I have no idea if I baffled or scared him or what, he asked many questions and was pretty inscrutable. I did my best to describe how I felt but I don't know if I was able to emphasise the mental pain all this was causing me. He asked me if I was curious about the cause of my dissociation and I looked his straight in the eye (rare for me) and told him I felt nothing at all (which is true, kind of). I am where I am today. This morning has proved the exception to the rule, I woke up with anxiety/dread (pre dentist appointment related I think) but this settled down a bit.

 

Apologies if this post is rambling. I hope everyone else is doing ok. 

 

Peace.

 

PS. After some mild reservations the dentist was pretty good about not using a numbing agent with ephinephrine/adrenaline in to extract my molar, which I'm glad about. Fingers crossed I wont have a sensitivity reaction to anything else in the numbing agent.

 

 

Citalopram. Briefly early twenties, no ill effects seemingly. Don't remember dose.

 

Sertraline on and off for ten years.  I was ignorant and started and stopped frequently. Doses of 50, 75 and 100. I can not recall/did not record dates prior to 2018.

 

JANUARY 2018: Last period of use was was 150mg of sertraline on 14/01/18  (which triggered extreme depression and anxiety that never settled, amongst other symptoms). I then tapered to 100mg in March (15/03/18), then down to 75mg in April(01/04/18) , 50mg later (11/04/18) 25mg in May  (16/05/18),  and was at 0mg in June (02/06/18).

 

Mirtazapine 15mg 01/08/18- 02/10/18, 15mg (6 weeks at 15mg the two week taper). - caused deeply unpleasant waves of extreme anxiety, depression, zombie state and mania.

 

Still on 40mg of Propranolol twice a day since April 2018. Supplements: Fish oil, Magnesium, Vit B6

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Vincent, 

 

This sounds like a very positive update to me. I’m glad you’re getting some breaks and moments of feeling like yourself.

 

Im sorry things aren’t consistently good for you, but they should be in time... and especially since you’ve noticed marked improvements.

 

bheb

Aug-Dec 2015 Prozac 20mg / Dec 2015-Feb 2016 Prozac 15mg / Feb 2016-May2016 Prozac 20mg

May 2016-June 2016 15mg

June 2016-August 2016 10mg

October 2016-January 2017 15mg, alternating agitation/akathisia sets in --> cold turkey

January 2017 Clonazepam .5mg 

February 2017 Clonazepam 1mg (for a week) then .5mg morning and .25mg evening for about a month. Came down to .25mg morning and evening. 

May 1, 2017 Clonazepam .25mg morning and .125mg evening. // May 20, 2017 Clonazepam .25mg morning and .0625 evening (.3125 total).

early June .28125 // early mid june .25mg // mid june .21875 // late june .1875 // early july .15625 // early mid july .125 

mid july .09375mg // late july .0625 //early August 2017 down to .03125mg once a day, hopped off in mid August

reinstated at .0625mg late August // Oct 16 - updose to .07mg and switch to oral Rosemont solution

Nov 17 2017 reinstate Prozac .5mg // Nov 21 2017 prozac 1.6mg // Dec 18 2017  3mg prozac / fast taper off the reinstatement -- probably completely off early Oct 2018

June 2019 begin tapering off .07mg Clonazepam, Finish taper December 2019

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We're all in this together Vincent :) I was on Sertraline also, and I can relate to the poor cognition.

It's my experience that some activities are more taxing on the nervous system than others. If I played a hectic online game for hours, I would be a wreck afterwards.

Watching a show or movie is best for me. Granted, some days I can't even follow the storyline. But it's better than just writhing in discomfort.

 

- March 2017: 50mg Sertraline starts

- August 2017: up to 100mg

- February 2018: down to 50mg

- November 2018: one-week taper down to 0mg

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  • 1 month later...

Twelves months after Sertraline  (Eight months after Mirtazapine)

 

Its been about a year now since my last dose and 10 months since my withdrawal symptoms got suicidally bad and i went on mirtazapine and then 8 months since my last dose of mirtazapine. 

 

Things are much better than they were 6 months ago. My mind feels less 'labotomised' and alot more like its in one piece'. Some of the really weird spaced out, cognative issues have settled and improved. My akathisia has gone. My acute (it was horrendous) anxiety has almost completely gone. The depression is.. different, less all consuming maybe. My earworms (repetitive music that gets stuck in your head) seem to be on the back burner, for now. My mind is also a more easily distracted and for longer about things not related to my illness too, though I still cant concentrate enough to read and i stipl ruminate a lot. I've yet to return to work. 

 

The symptoms which plague me still are the intense foggy dissociation /detachment, the  dysphoria (rather than depression) , the anhedonia, rumination, something I call 'leg tension', my (really bad at the moment) misophonia/hyperaccusis/sound sensitivity (which makes doing stuff like travelling through noisey airports with screaming kids amost impossible ), and increadibly short tempered agitation, im "p*ssed off" for about 30-40% of my day it seems. Sometimes just talking to people is enough to really exhust and agitate me and lying down in silence is the only thing that helps. But at least it helps and thats something i didnt have a few months ago. My windows and waves feel increasingly subtle. 

 

So all in all one year on things aren't that great but im no longer in 'hell'. Not all the time at least. Things have improved, its not as good as i'd hoped for but not as bad as I'd feared. 

 

I hope hope everyone else is doing ok, together, slowly we'll all get through this.

Citalopram. Briefly early twenties, no ill effects seemingly. Don't remember dose.

 

Sertraline on and off for ten years.  I was ignorant and started and stopped frequently. Doses of 50, 75 and 100. I can not recall/did not record dates prior to 2018.

 

JANUARY 2018: Last period of use was was 150mg of sertraline on 14/01/18  (which triggered extreme depression and anxiety that never settled, amongst other symptoms). I then tapered to 100mg in March (15/03/18), then down to 75mg in April(01/04/18) , 50mg later (11/04/18) 25mg in May  (16/05/18),  and was at 0mg in June (02/06/18).

 

Mirtazapine 15mg 01/08/18- 02/10/18, 15mg (6 weeks at 15mg the two week taper). - caused deeply unpleasant waves of extreme anxiety, depression, zombie state and mania.

 

Still on 40mg of Propranolol twice a day since April 2018. Supplements: Fish oil, Magnesium, Vit B6

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