success Jubbachub: Lexapro withdrawals, any help would be appreciated

[Jubbachub]

Hi everyone. I would much prefer to have never known this existed, but here I am and I'm grateful to find others that understand this pain. This will be a long story, but if you could read this it would be appreciated. Let me tell you a bit about my story. I'm currently 23, and was prescribed Lexapro (10mg) when I was 19 for some health anxiety I was having (3.5 years on it). I began the medication and moved away with my partner. I never felt the medication changed much, just masked my emotions a bit.

 

A few months ago I spoke to my doctor and told him I wished to stop lexapro, and I reduced to 5mg for a few weeks, then stopped. Things were going okay for a few weeks but then I was having some severe light sensitivity and shaking a bit, my doctor and I decided I should go back onto lexapro (10mg again), which I did but something felt off. I didn't recognise my own left arm and freaked out, at this stage I had been back on lexapro for 10 days. I told my doctor I didn't want the medication and he told me to wean off for 5 days then stop. I did this, and felt okay, but 3 days later It all spiraled. I walked into my house and sat down to watch a movie, when it felt like a younger version of myself had entered my head, it felt like I was 2 people at the same time, next thing I know my head is spinning, I'm crying, shaking not knowing what was happening.

 

I became depersonalised from my own body, had what sounded like a helicopter in my head. Had ringing in my ears, disassociated from every part of myself and was jolting all over. This was happening for 4 days, and I had no idea what was going on. My partner drove me to the local emergency room and the doctor there stated I was experiencing severe withdrawals from Lexapro, and I had 2 options, either restart lexapro 10mg or wait it out. I let my parnter and mother make the decision for me because I couldn't, and was put back on 10mg. After 3 weeks of being on 10mg again, I could function, but felt really unnatural in my own body, still couldn't Identify my emotions, couldnt cry about it and felt trapped.

 

I knew I needed to get off this drug, and weaned down to 5mg for 3 weeks, once I weaned to 5mg I began having sleep paralysis, crying again, jolting in time, horribly vivid dreams, night sweats, extreme emotions and distorted memory function, I lost 10kg over the 3 weeks, and began having psychosis. Hearing voices in my head saying incoherent things. Having visual disturbances when I was trying to sleep, became fearful of peoples eyes. I had to stop the medication completely because I was terrified of it. I went and spoke to a psychiatrist which didn't believe all of this was happening and said it's a bad case of anxiety.

 

I was really frustrated and distressed. I stopped lexapro completely 5 days ago, and the voices in my head aren't there anymore (I may get one or 2 when trying to sleep) and the visual hallucinations have almost gone also, the fear of eyes is no longer there, but now I'm crying every day, and am fearful of what the day brings. I really struggle to identify who I even am and what is normal in my head and what isn't. I found a great psychologist whom is an ex drug addict and believes what's happening is real, which really helps to have a medical professional on my side. I have a great support team which helps too, but I don't know what to do next.

I go walking and wonder why I'm on a walk. My memories don't feel like memories but more flashbacks. 

 

Now I need to be honest, for the first time in my life I have contemplated suicide because I don't know how I can get through this, but I do make sure I call someone when I have these thoughts. I've noticed having a bath and listening to motivational speeches about creating your own reality and how your brain can recover from almost anything is helpful, but the slightest insight from anyone who has had even a remotely similar experience would be really appreciated. Thank you for reading this.

Edited July 30, 2018 by mammaP
added spaces

[mammaP]

Hi Jubbachub, welcome to SA.  I am sorry to hear your experience with lexapro withdrawal, sadly it is not unusual for people to have severe withdrawal. When someone has been off for a while they often become sensitive to the drug and find they can't tolerate the dose they were taking previously. Going straight back to 10mg, then going on and off and up and down with doses has destabilised your brain and nervous system. This is not your fault, you had no idea that this would happen and sadly doctors don't know either. When you went back on 10mg you were starting to get better but had side effects, then dropping back to 5mg  sent you back into withdrawal.  We often recommend a very tiny dose of 1mg for reinstatement but doctors just do not accept that a dose so tiny can possibly help. Many people do have success with such a small dose, they manage to stabilise without side effects as these tand to be dose relate, and then go on to taper slowly after being stable for a few months. It is good that the sleep paralysis has gone and the psychotic symptoms are much better.  I have experienced most of what you have gone through and come through it. At my worst there was no internet so I had no idea of drug sensitivities and withdrawal, so went into hospital and was treated with many drugs and ECT. 

 

Because you have had such a bad experience and are starting to improve I am not sure if I would recommend reinstating even a tiny dose right now. 

You will get better, but it will take time. Your brain has to regain homeostasis and that will likely happen in windows and waves. There will be some better days and some worse ones but the really good thing is that you are already starting to improve. You would be best not to take any more psychotropic drugs because you are now very sensitive. We have lots of topics on non drug ways of coping with emotional problems.  It is also great that you have a good psychologist who understands.  The suicide ideation is the withdrawal and is not you. Those thoughts will come and they will go. When they come don't be frightened by them, just let them pass through. I used to imagine myself with a broom giving them a shove on their way out, sweeping them away. They are just thoughts and are very common in withdrawal. A relaxing bath is perfect along with the motivational talks or anything that is distracting. 

I will get some links for you.  First, we ask all our members to fill in their signature with their drug and tapering history. You can find instructions here.

please put your withdrawal history in your signature

 

Windows and waves

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/82-the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-stabilization/

 

What is withdrawal

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/603-what-is-withdrawal-syndrome/

 

Non drug ways of dealing with symptoms

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1112-non-drug-techniques-to-cope-with-emotional-symptoms/

 

 

 

Edited August 1, 2018 by manymoretodays
updated signature link

[Jubbachub]

Thank you MammaP. It's amazing to hear that you've made it through, and I really want to congratulate you for having the compassion to help others going through withdrawals. Seeing as things are changing so frequently within myself, I  too believe that reinstating is not the right path to follow, especially because I'm working with trauma around the withdrawals I had from the medication. At this stage I'm going to try avoid this website and approach things from a no internet point of view, but again, thank you and I'll be sure to post in the future if I need to, or when I recover and let others know that it's all gonna be okay :). Take care.

[mammaP]

Do let us know how you get along, it is always good for others to see how others have coped. I hope your recovery goes well, you have the right attitude and determination with the right support  that will help you through.

[Anubhav]

On 7/29/2018 at 4:42 AM, Jubbachub said:

Hi everyone. I would much prefer to have never known this existed, but here I am and I'm grateful to find others that understand this pain. This will be a long story, but if you could read this it would be appreciated. Let me tell you a bit about my story. I'm currently 23, and was prescribed Lexapro (10mg) when I was 19 for some health anxiety I was having (3.5 years on it). I began the medication and moved away with my partner. I never felt the medication changed much, just masked my emotions a bit.

 

A few months ago I spoke to my doctor and told him I wished to stop lexapro, and I reduced to 5mg for a few weeks, then stopped. Things were going okay for a few weeks but then I was having some severe light sensitivity and shaking a bit, my doctor and I decided I should go back onto lexapro (10mg again), which I did but something felt off. I didn't recognise my own left arm and freaked out, at this stage I had been back on lexapro for 10 days. I told my doctor I didn't want the medication and he told me to wean off for 5 days then stop. I did this, and felt okay, but 3 days later It all spiraled. I walked into my house and sat down to watch a movie, when it felt like a younger version of myself had entered my head, it felt like I was 2 people at the same time, next thing I know my head is spinning, I'm crying, shaking not knowing what was happening.

 

I became depersonalised from my own body, had what sounded like a helicopter in my head. Had ringing in my ears, disassociated from every part of myself and was jolting all over. This was happening for 4 days, and I had no idea what was going on. My partner drove me to the local emergency room and the doctor there stated I was experiencing severe withdrawals from Lexapro, and I had 2 options, either restart lexapro 10mg or wait it out. I let my parnter and mother make the decision for me because I couldn't, and was put back on 10mg. After 3 weeks of being on 10mg again, I could function, but felt really unnatural in my own body, still couldn't Identify my emotions, couldnt cry about it and felt trapped.

 

I knew I needed to get off this drug, and weaned down to 5mg for 3 weeks, once I weaned to 5mg I began having sleep paralysis, crying again, jolting in time, horribly vivid dreams, night sweats, extreme emotions and distorted memory function, I lost 10kg over the 3 weeks, and began having psychosis. Hearing voices in my head saying incoherent things. Having visual disturbances when I was trying to sleep, became fearful of peoples eyes. I had to stop the medication completely because I was terrified of it. I went and spoke to a psychiatrist which didn't believe all of this was happening and said it's a bad case of anxiety.

 

I was really frustrated and distressed. I stopped lexapro completely 5 days ago, and the voices in my head aren't there anymore (I may get one or 2 when trying to sleep) and the visual hallucinations have almost gone also, the fear of eyes is no longer there, but now I'm crying every day, and am fearful of what the day brings. I really struggle to identify who I even am and what is normal in my head and what isn't. I found a great psychologist whom is an ex drug addict and believes what's happening is real, which really helps to have a medical professional on my side. I have a great support team which helps too, but I don't know what to do next.

I go walking and wonder why I'm on a walk. My memories don't feel like memories but more flashbacks. 

 

Now I need to be honest, for the first time in my life I have contemplated suicide because I don't know how I can get through this, but I do make sure I call someone when I have these thoughts. I've noticed having a bath and listening to motivational speeches about creating your own reality and how your brain can recover from almost anything is helpful, but the slightest insight from anyone who has had even a remotely similar experience would be really appreciated. Thank you for reading this.

Dude I can relate to you but I think my case is more severe

[Jubbachub]

Hi guys. I just wanted to put an update on my progress for you, and I would love to see how you're doing Anubhav. I would also love some feedback from you MammaP in relation to how my progress seems from your experience helping others.

 

The good:

I've now been off Lexapro completely for 2 weeks. I've been back at work for a week, and have noticed my sense of identity is getting better slightly better, more flowing from mindset to mindset rather than jumping. My sleep has improved to the point I'm not waking up through the night and my organisational skills (when sorting my shed) is improving to where I can categorise things okay, (rather than putting my phone in the bin and an apple to my ear). I now control when I cry, rather than it happening throughout the day with little warning. I had a glass of wine last night and felt happy, not anxious or worried. I was able to watch some comedy (about 1/3 of it) without losing my focus. My appetite has increased to what I'd say is a good balance, and I'm no longer impulse spending on supplements and running around trying to find a quick fix. Acupuncture, having a bath with Epsom Salts, and writing in a journal daily of the little wins are my primary recovery supports at this time. 

 

The bad: Over the last few days I've been slurring my words through the day, and having a burning sensation in both my arms. The left side of my body feels different to my right, almost like it's lighter, which makes walking/movements uncomfortable. I have a few episodes through the day where my reflexes are slow, and moving my arm is a conscious effort. The lovely brain zaps have started getting strong, mainly at the base of my skull, and my temples are tender. My forehead feels very hot and pressurised. My vision also feels slow, almost as though when someone moves their arm quick, my brain can't keep up so I get the blur of the motion, and light is difficult to focus on.

 

My biggest fear at the moment is having a relapse to the worst withdrawal state and not knowing what my future holds. It's very hard to live in the now when the now is in constant flux. I'm also very concerned that success stories don't seem very common for those like me that have been on and off the medication over a few weeks, then quit cold turkey because they couldn't cope with the stabilisation whilst on the medication.

 

Thanks guys, and I hope to receive a response from you when you get the chance. 

[Anubhav]

@Jubbachub It's good you're having some good days....Mine withdrawal was also like this but I made the biggest mistake to go back to my psy and he reinstated me on a high dose, things got worse from there....Just don't stress out yourself and don't think much about it,eat healthy, sleep fine and you'll be okay

 

[jozeff]

Hello jubbachub! 

 

I feel very sorry for you and wish you all the best. Its so sad that the doctor kept fluctuating your dose so many times. They just don't know what they are doing. I'm 42 and have been on celexa for two years. I had the feeling that the medication didn't work as good as it used to and my libido was non existing. I went to the doctor and he wanted me on 30 mg instead of 24 because there's room for more celexa........ they're willing to go to 40 my. I said I wanted to decrease. I went from 24 mg to 16.5 in 75 days and I'm at 16.5 for a month now to stabilize because the taper was too fast. I feel agitated and sad especially in the morning. 

 

So you stopped Lexapro on the 24th of July? Did someone advise you to do a small reinstallment? Did you jump of the 5 mg CT? 

 

I must be very confusing for your brain to switch meds like that. Things will get better. I know people who were on celexa years ago and felt absolutely awful after stopped taking the drugs. They hardly remember those days now so there is hope. Some doctors want you to jump from 1 Medication to the other to block WD symptoms. Be very bery careful if you ever go that way.

 

I had effexor years ago and it helped.

Years later I wanted an antidepressant again and doctor advised me to try Zoloft. After 3 days of taking Zoloft I decided to go back to effexor because that was successful in the padt and I didn't know why I tried the Zoloft in the first place. I called the doctor's office and told them I had changed my mind and decided to take effexor instead.

They told me I had to use the 30 day Zoloft strip first because otherwise I had to throw 27 unused Zoloft pills in the bin. After that month I could make an appointment for effexor meds. 

 

Could you believe such an advise??? It's almost criminal. 

 

Listen to people on this site and learn. I learned a lot from reading posts and asking questions. The doctor's don't know sh.. about these meds. They have 10 minutes to listen to your story, come up with some medicine and wish you all the best. My psychiatrist told me that 5 mg celexa more or less doesn't make any difference to your brain....well I know the difference and you also!

 

Keep up the spirit and hang on there. 

I wish you all the best and a quick recovery!!!

 

 

Jozeff

[Jubbachub]

Hi Jozeff.

 

Thank you for your response.

 

Yes, 24th July I stopped completely. Only because going back to 10mg caused worse symptoms. I didn't want to stabilise on 10mg because I felt so unnatural in my own body. I remained on the 10mg for 4 weeks with no improvements, then cut back to 5mg on my own terms after doctors were wanting to increase my dose to 20mg. When I cut back to 5mg I had severe withdrawals that caused psychosis, sleep paralysis and everything else. I was on 5mg for 2 weeks, but my psychosis got worse and hallucinations started, I experienced morning paralysis and dreams that left me in a sweat, so I stopped completely on the 24th July. Since then my psychosis is gone, and I can sleep again pretty well. 

 

I have considered reinstating a small about but am currently working through trauma about the medication and how it affected me, so I have decided that I'm going to fight my way through this without medication, unless I get to a point where I can't function. So to answer your question, yes I cut from the 5mg CT, and hope a reinstatement never has to become an option.

 

Regards,

 

Jubbachub. 

[Jubbachub]

@Altostrata 

 

Hi Altostrata, I hope you're doing well. I haven't yet had the chance to speak to you yet, however I have seen you very frequently on this site and would love your opinion on my progress through withdrawals. I understand you're probably flat out trying to help people with their battles, however I would really appreciate if you could view my thread and comment on how my progress seems from your perspective and experience helping others. Thank you, Jubbachub

[Jubbachub]

To everyone going through withdrawals. I wanted to make this to put my story across. I do need to state this is only my experience. I don't run this site and have very little knowledge dealing with others going through this. I'm not telling you what you should or shouldn't do. I'm simply stating how I improved by taking responsibility into my own hands and listening to my own body. I hope my story helps you on your journey of recovery. Please note that this will be long.

 

When I was a young lad I got worried a lot about my health. I used to think a chest pain was a heart attack, or that I would die of a debilitating disease before I could enjoy my life. At 18 I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety, and was prescribed an antidepressant, specifically Escitalopram, an SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor). Being that age I was looking for a quick fix and had no hesitation taking that pill.
I never thought it changed much for me, just masked my emotions. I moved away with my partner, got a job I enjoyed and everything was going okay, my anxiety subsided once these things fell into place, but I still went on taking that tablet because it never crossed my mind to stop, it was just a part of my daily routine. 4 years I remained on it. At the age of 22, I looked at the box and thought to myself, "why am I still taking this?" I called my doctor that prescribed it and spoke to him about stopping. I was told to cut down to half a tablet for a few weeks then stop, I did so as directed.
A few days after taking my last dose, I began shaking and sweating from my hands. My vision started to go hazy, I was struggling to focus, and I was getting electric shock sensations through my head. I spoke to a doctor in town, and was told my anxiety must be coming back, and that I should restart the medication. Again, I did as suggested. I restarted the antidepressant, and was on it for a few days, but something felt wrong. I still had everything else that I had when stopping it, but now I had disassociated from my left arm. I had trouble recognising it as my own limb and it felt numb. I called my doctor and told him I thought the medication was doing something to me, and I wanted to get off it. I was told that if I felt that way, I could just stop it as I had only been back on it for a few days.
I stopped taking it again, and went camping for the weekend. Everything felt great, I had been off it for 3 days, and my disassociation from my limb stopped, and my vision was getting better. I thought everything was going welI, until I got back from camping, walked into the door of my house, sat down to watch some tv and that was when my life spiraled. I cant explain this in a way I expect you to understand, but I'll do my best. I felt like someone else was inside my head, like a younger version of myself and the person I was in that moment at the same time. I disassociated from my entire body, depersonalised from my surroundings and began crying not knowing what was happening. My cognitive function was severly impared, I couldn't eat, or make a drink without getting lost in what I was doing. I lost my ability to recall much of my memory, as well as losing 8kg in just over a week. I lost my sense of identity and felt like I was jumping in time. I literally made 5 cups of tea before realising I made them. My head was spinning and I had what sounded like a helicopter pulsating in both my ears, amongst other sensory disturbances. After this happening for 5 days, my partner took me to the emergency room because I could barely function. The doctor there told me I was experiencing severe withdrawals from the antidepressant, and I could either wait out the withdrawals, or go back to my original dose. I finally knew what was happening. My brain had become dependant on a pill I never knew had such power. I didn't have the mental capacity to make the decision to stay off it or reinstate it, so I let my family make the call. I was put back onto the tablet for 3 weeks, and I regained my ability to function, but it was worse than before. Even though I could get out of bed and function, I felt trapped in my own body, like I was watching myself from the back of my head. My memories didn't feel like memories, but more like flashbacks, and I felt that only one side of my body was very light whilst the other was heavy. I couldn't sleep and had trouble recognising my own emotions. I went to see a psychiatrist whom told me that this appears to be a 'bad case of anxiety', and that what I was experiencing was, put bluntly 'unusual'. I was prescribed an antipsychotic to try and was told to double the dose of the antidepressant, and that I will most likely need it for the rest of my life. I took one antipsychotic tablet, it put me down to where I could barely move. I felt helpless. So there I was, trapped in a world where what I believe to be one of the highest qualified medical professionals, that specialises in medication, didn't believe my suffering was caused by the antidepressant, and gave me another pill. I forced myself up after taking the antipsychotic, went to the bush alone, sat down and asked myself bluntly "What the f**k do I do?" I did my own research there and found this page. I finally felt relief to find others in the same pain, but horror and sadness at the same time to know I was going through this. In this moment, I took made the decision to take 100% responsibility into my own hands. I cut back to half a dose of my antidepressant on my own terms. This caused me to start having sleep paralysis (would not recommend), and waking up in terror. I began having hallucinations when trying to sleep, hearing voices saying incoherant things and seeing images of random objects. I also started having psychosis after being on half a dose for 2 weeks. For me, trying to stabilise on half a dose wasn't working, and I could feel it was getting worse. Within myself I knew I needed to try something else, so I made myself stop the medication and prepared myself to face whatever came my way. I forced myself to drop from half to nothing. Within a week of being off the medication completely, the hallucinations, and sleep paralysis stopped. The psychosis went away and I began sleeping again through most of the night. Today marks just over 2 weeks since I've been on no medication. I have not recovered, but I really am so much better than I was on it. At the moment my memory still feels foreign, I'm working with trauma around what happened and my nerves through my body are burning a bit. My mindsets feel strange, like my self identity isn't there, but I'm back at work, functioning well,  sleeping and eating. At the moment acupuncture, self soothing and writing every night about my wins in a journal are the 3 things that are really helping me. Along with eating well, having a bath and listening to motivational speeches.

 

I'll leave this here, but again, I don't know any of you, I don't know your story. I can't tell you to stop or increase your medication. What I can say is that making the decision to listen to myself made my life bearable again. I'll be posting my recovery story on this page when I'm where I need to be. One more thing: You're a warrior, don't give up.

 

 

[Songbird]

Hi Jubbachub, thanks for posting an update.  I've merged your new post into your introduction topic to keep all your info in one place.  Please post all your updates here in this topic.

 

Also, please create a signature containing a summary of your med history.  Instructions for creating your signature are here: Please put your withdrawal history in your signature.  You can edit your signature here: edit your signature in Account Settings

 

[Jubbachub]

Hi @Songbird

 

Is it possible to have the post I just made as my introduction? I feel as though it covers my story the way it needs to be covered. My initial introduction was made at the peak of my withdrawals, essentially asking for help. Starting that new thread with that topic would be much easier for me to work with and maintain without getting confused about my own progress. 

 

Please let me know if this is possible Thanks

[Altostrata]

Hello, Jubbachub. People will see your new post, not to worry. We like to keep the older posts to preserve evidence of the person's state at the time.

 

18 hours ago, Jubbachub said:

@Altostrata 

 

Hi Altostrata, I hope you're doing well. I haven't yet had the chance to speak to you yet, however I have seen you very frequently on this site and would love your opinion on my progress through withdrawals. I understand you're probably flat out trying to help people with their battles, however I would really appreciate if you could view my thread and comment on how my progress seems from your perspective and experience helping others. Thank you, Jubbachub

 

I am glad you are doing better. That you have seen improvement in a short time is a good sign. If your symptoms start to get worse or become intolerable, you might consider reinstating a very small amount of escilatopram's gentler sibling, citalopram.

 

Please take care not to stress your nervous system now, it is in a vulnerable state. You may wish to avoid alcohol altogether in this period.

 

Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

A lot of people find them helpful. Try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

 

To help us out, follow these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature

[Jubbachub]

Just after 4 weeks off today and I've finally recognised my first window/wave pattern. As much as it was amazing to have that realisation, it was horrible to know where I'm at and not know what I'm in for. I'm constantly fluctuating between contemplating reinstatement and trying to do without it. Any suggestions guys? Also, how are you traveling Anubhav?

 

[Songbird]

Jubbachub, please create a signature containing a summary of your med history, including all drugs, doses and dates (starting and stopping).  Your signature appears below every post you make, and helps us see your situation easily without having to read from the top every time.   You could look at my signature for an example.  Instructions here: Please put your withdrawal history in your signature.  Edit your signature here: edit your signature in Account Settings.

 

In general, reinstatement works better when done earlier.  If you wait longer and withdrawal symptoms get worse, there is a higher risk of a reinstatement not working or causing adverse reactions.  See:  about reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms.

See also, Altostrata's comment from above:

 

On 8/14/2018 at 10:00 AM, Altostrata said:

If your symptoms start to get worse or become intolerable, you might consider reinstating a very small amount of escilatopram's gentler sibling, citalopram.

 

What symptoms are you currently having?

[Jubbachub]

I have updated my signature.

 

My symptoms at the moment are memory loss, no sense of identity, fluctuating mindsets that I didn't know existed, including loss of appetite today and severe fatigue over the last few days. Time feels like it's jumping and I have started having some derealisation, like a different derealisation than before? My family say I have been pretty good over the last few weeks, but don't have much recollection of how I felt.

 

I'm just so lost and losing hope. I fear medication now and feel that I have to fight the withdrawals without the meds. I fear losing my partner, and losing everything I've worked so hard to create for myself. I really don't know how long I can do this. 

[jozeff]

Hello jubbachub,

 

I feel your hopelessness. Too bad you're having some bad days.

 

Remember that recently you had some pretty good days as well!!

 

It's hard to see the sunshine when it's so cloudy. Sometimes I just don't know what to do because I'm so tired, anxious or just feeling bleh...

A few hours later I can't remember why I felt so sad and hopeless. That is very frustrating because we cannot control our feelings or thoughts sometimes.

 

The derealization is very annoying that's for sure. I have it some days and it's hard to describe how that feels. It's pretty scary and hard to get out of. Some days I feel like it's not me who's doing his job or spending time with my family, like my body is doing all this stuff but my brain is somewhere else...

 

Are you still on some sort of medication?

 

I wish you all the best for today!

 

Jozeff

 

 

 

 

[Jubbachub]

Thanks Jozeff.

 

I've been off all medication for 4 weeks. It was when I stopped that things got better instantly, but have now gotten worse again 4 weeks out. Hence why I'm considering reinstatement. It pains me to think reinstatement might be needed, but I'm just far too lost at the moment.

 

What about you? How long have you been fighting this battle? Have you seen progress? Are you currently on any medication?

[jozeff]

Hi jubba,

 

Yes I'm on 18 mg citalopram at the moment. Have been altering my dose last year between 15 and 25 mg. Didn't make much of a difference. Just hoped to pick the "perfect" dose... Which, unfortunately doesn't exist. 

 

I went from 20 to 15 in one day. That went pretty well for many weeks but I suddenly crashed when I was on vacation. Updose to 20 and later 25 when I was home immediately.

 

Felt release after 3 or 4 days. Very relaxed. Good feeling slowly went away and I started my taper in April 2018. Went from 25 to 16.5 mg in 85 days. Didn't build in stabilizing weeks and stopped tapering for a while. Upped to 18 mg last week to counteract WD symptoms. Now I'm doing so so. Want to start tapering after a few months of stability. 

 

The problem is that it's always something else. Nausea, fatigue, anxiety, stress, depression... 75% of the time it's one of these. I'm surprisingly fresh and relaxed during the evening though.

 

Did they advise you to do a small reinstatement?  Maybe you should try 1 mg escitalopram or something.  Did the moderators have any advice on this?

 

Good luck and keep strong!!

[Altostrata]

Jubbachub, you might consider a reinstatement, starting with 1mg citalopram or 0.5mg escilatopram. Do you have any escilatopram left?

 

This explains how to take a small amount Tips for tapering off Lexapro (escitalopram)

[Jubbachub]

I have thrown all medication out. From your perspective, how do you feel reinstatement helps? Also, are there any real success stories from being thrown up and down on the medication and then cutting Cold Turkey? 

[Altostrata]

We have seen many people feel better after a very small reinstatement, which supports the nervous system a bit while it gets used to the drug decrease. You'd taper off by tiny amounts later.

 

We wouldn't suggest it if it didn't work much of the time.

 

Going cold turkey is always high-risk. People do recover. Reinstatement helps in those cases, too.

[Jubbachub]

How would I go about measuring 1mg? 

[Altostrata]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

Jubbachub, you might consider a reinstatement, starting with 1mg citalopram or 0.5mg escilatopram. Do you have any escilatopram left?

 

This explains how to take a small amount Tips for tapering off Lexapro (escitalopram) 

 

[Jubbachub]

Seeing as I fear escitalopram, I might consider reinstating the Citalopram. If I reinstate on the citalopram, how long should I keep taking the 1mg before contemplating upping/lowering the dose. I know you can't give me a direct answer, but I'm terrified of taking it.

[Jubbachub]

Should I push through without reinstating if I can handle it, or will that make it worse if I try? I don't know what to do...

[jozeff]

Hello jubba,

 

I can see your concern about taking the citalopram again. You have been on and off them quite a few times in the past months. The problem could be that you quit the meds very quickly and then took full dose again. You CT after that and then took full dose again. Is that correct? You might have become very very sensitive to the stuff. I've read a lot about small (!) Reinstatement on this site and that it might help counteract WD.

How about a tiny amount and see if that helps? 

 

Don't let measuring a tiny amount stop you. It's very easy.

 

Dissolve a 10 mg pill in 100 ml. Take out 1 ml with a syringe and you have 0.1 mg of your tablet. It's that easy.

 

Cheers

 

Jozeff

[Jubbachub]

Thank you Joseph. 

 

My concern is that when I was thrown around on them pretty heavily and when I went from 10mg to 5mg thinks were horrible. It was when I stopped the 5mg completely that I began to improve, and this is why I feel afraid to reinstate a small amount. 

 

My other main concern is reading that if I wait too long to reinstate, I will not have that option. 

 

I appreciate Altostrata's comment to contemplate reinstatement also, but don't know if that's the safest option. With my current mental state(s), memory loss and fluctuations of mindsets. What have people said about reinstating and how it helped them in their recovery?

[jozeff]

Well I read a lot of things. I guess the moderators keep track of all the responses people give. Since you more or less CT your meds a small amount of meds might be beneficial. Everybody is different however so there are no guarantees. 

 

I cannot point you to a successtory of reinstatement. I've been reading so many things but I'm sure I heard of people for whom it helped.

[Leo1983]

And these are the drugs that are meant to help vulnerable people.

 

Dr im not feeling good.... Ok heres some Escitalopram lets make it all alot worse!!

 

Hi

 

Im sorry to hear how hard it has been for you. I have used all SSRIS and found NONE of any use apart from making things worse. Escitalopram was an exception! It made me so unwell whilst on it. It made me anxious, agrophobic, no enjoyment, no interests, killed my male parts, detached me, i was lazy and put on weight. Great that isnt it when all you asked for was help..

 

I have now decided once and for all to heal. I am suffering with anxiety, brain fog, lethergy, detachment etc etc however i will beat it. I did a fast taper and im now at 9 weeks off. It does get better as i have done this before with Sertraline and it took about 5 months.

 

Just keep going and make sure you keep your family and friends close at hand. Dont bottle things up and let people know how your feeling.

[Leo1983]

I would go and get a full physical aswell. Chances are everything will be fine which also shows you its withdrawal. This can lessen anxiety

[Jubbachub]

Thank you Leo.

 

How are you feeling 9 weeks off? I've just hit 4 weeks?

[Leo1983]

I see you mentioned ringing in the ears. Again Tinnitus is all linked into the fight or flight systems. The more you percieve it as a threat the louder it will become. You have to habituate to it and keep calm. It will go away eventually and fade into the background.

 

SSRIS are well known to cause tinnitus. They damage the tiny hair cells in the cochlea and prevent signals been sent to the brain correctly. Because of the damage in the pathway from the ear to the brain along the vestubular nerve the brain trys to fill in the gaps causing the ringing sound.

 

[Leo1983]

I dont feel great but by god i feel better than i did on the medication and in the 1st 4-6 weeks.

[Jubbachub]

What are you currently experiencing, well, put it into words as best you can!