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Noloft: trying to take control of my life

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MMMM

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can really relate. I think it sounds like you are doing a good job, the best you can, at just surviving one day at a time, which is all some of us can do with these situations. I cry to my therapist every week about how stuck I feel. It's just something that I don't think we are used to at all, and could have even comprehended was possible before an experience like this-- that these capacities that feel so innate (like just feeling ok in your body, and enjoying very simple pleasures) can be taken from us. And the uncertainty around when and how to get better, it's just awful. I want this nightmare to be over already and it's so frustrating and unfamiliar to not be able to make that happen. I think we just have to keep surviving and keep trusting that the human mind and body are amazing things and that if we can just stick around, things will change and improve. I know if I ever get better and can just feel normal again, I will be the happiest person in the world and will never take that capacity for granted again. Maybe try to imagine yourself in the future, looking back on this time and being like, wow, that was hell, I can't believe I survived, but somehow I did.

 

Again, so sorry you are going through this. When you're going through hell the only thing to do is to just keep going. Sending blessings to you.

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Noloft
20 hours ago, MMMM said:

I cry to my therapist every week about how stuck I feel.

 

 

I mean how could you not? I have been doing lots of complaining to my therapist as I am not functioning well at all, and am not myself. I am stuck in a variety of ways but lately have been getting stuck on just how blatantly unfair this situation is and the irony of it all. Like I was given a pill to help with something I struggle with that ended up making the very thing I struggled with 100 times worse, and then on top of that, gave me about 500 more things to struggle with, and created even more emotional turmoil from the side effects that are difficult to manage on a day to day basis and are changing the course of my life. Last year I was a somewhat depressed obsessive person with a passion for fishing and hockey, and loved music and a good book here and there. I was talented and intellectual and took pride in my book smarts.  Now I have no passion, can barely find the energy to force myself to engage in the things I once loved, and feel no sense of satisfaction from any of it. I can barely read and feel like a stuttering idiot most of the time. Depression is one thing but being deprived of the things that defined you and your life is another thing entirely. I have been off now completely 8 months and though some hours I am in a better mood and things are less of a struggle, most of the time I am fighting to just get through the day without crying my eyes out from the mental pain and physical exhaustion. Sure the situation could be worse in that I could be going through all this and also be a paraplegic or be blind, but thinking optimistically doesn't seem to help when your body is not capable of experiencing positive emotional states any longer. It is a difficult and impossible reality to face. 

 

I think the worst part of all this is there is really nothing that can be done. You just have to suffer through it and hope you heal from it. I have no idea how I am going to get my life back or if this is what I am going to be from now on. I do not know if I can handle this situation for 50 more years. I have barely handled it for one. 

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Noloft
Posted (edited)

Topic title:  Can’t tolerate and B supplements but am in desperate need of vitamin B

 

Hey all I am severely deficient in most of my B vitamins according to some testing I had done but I cannot tolerate any B supplements. How  am I supposed to catch up and get my B’s to a healthy level if I can’t supplement? I can only eat so much leafy greens, liver etc and I don’t think you can recover from a deficiency without supplements. It is a vicious cycle because I know I need my B’s to help my nervous system heal,  but I don’t have enough. I have tried multiple supplements and all cause increase in anxiety but do give more energy.  Anyone with similar situations or advice? 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
added topic title

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ChessieCat
32 minutes ago, Noloft said:

Topic title:  Methods of dealing with anxiety both withdrawal and non withdrawal related

 

Hello all,

 

Even though I am in withdrawal I have realized that a lot of the mental aspects of my current state may not be due to the actual condition itself but may be part of my underlying OCD, depression and post traumatic stress. I have a variety of mental symptoms that I have developed throughout all of this that are mainly due to the nature of the condition, but are part of my underlying anxiety disorders. For one, I am struggling with “symptom checking” and am MUCH too aware of my body. My focus has turned toward every ache and pain, every nerve issue, every mood swing or episode of fatigue. I wake up and the first thing my mind does is notice I’m tired, fatigued and don’t feel well, etc. then I stand up and notice my feet hurt and I feel like an 80 year old at the age of 27. Or that my vision feels off and I don’t feel “right” in my own body. Or my knees hurt etc. Paying too much attention to every sensitivity etc. being way too much “in my head.” Not being able to let go of things or live somewhat geacefully. Though this hyper awareness is somewhat helpful in the sense that it has helped me realize I need to create certain limits for myself right now, it has been incredibly detrimental to recovery, since these are all thinking behaviors that add to stress levels which is not coherent with the recovery process. For one thing, it is probably adding to my underlying fatigue as all of this hyoerareweness and extra thinking is draining in itself. Without achieving some kind of mental flow I don’t see my body and mind getting into a better place. I have been in intensive CBT throughout all of this, but I haven’t found much benefit from it. I have always had OCD and other issues and struggled with those my whole life and at some times they have been under control but right now it is out of control and needs to improve somehow. I would like to become less hyper aware and more present but my levels of dissociation are pretty severe and it’s hard not to notice these things. I am wondering if anyone else has struggled with this and what has helped them. So far for me, the only thing that has helped somewhat  has been distraction, such as trying to stay occupied at work when I can make it in, trying to sing along to music in the car, focusing on my breath, or socializing, to an extent. My mental focus is not currently “grounded” so to speak in the sense that my mind is so preoccupied with my body and what is going on, that I find it nearly impossible to stay focused on one thing or on the external world in reality. If anyone has found any benefit from anything for issues similar this to these I would love to hear what helped you. It doesn’t have to even be about these particular obsessive issues—any kind of benefit for any type of obsessive/compulsive behavior during withdrawal and maybe even after. 

 

Thanks,

 

Noloft 

 

 

I've moved your new topic to an existing topic discussing similar issues:  ocd-obsessive-thoughts-compulsive-behaviors

 

This is in Post #1 of that topic:

 

On 2/25/2013 at 4:19 AM, dunerbug said:

 

ADMIN NOTE Nobody on this site thinks any disorders magically go away by going off psychiatric drugs. If you think the drugs are controlling certain symptoms, you will need to take responsibility for learning to manage those symptoms without drugs.

 

Taking responsibility for your own health and behavior is key to going off psychiatric drugs. If you cannot do that, and the symptoms are hampering your life, perhaps going off drugs is not for you.

 

If you have a tendency towards obsessive anxiety about your health, no amount of reassurance from others here will have an effect on it. You must do the work yourself.

 

Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), other types of talk therapy, and meditation are non-drug ways to manage habits of obsessive thinking. People also find their own effective self-treatments, such as taking up various sports or hobbies.

 

SurvivingAntidepressants.org is not a general mental health support site. If you wish to talk about your obsessive preoccupations, you may wish to visit http://www.depressionforums.org/or other general mental health support sites, and post on SurvivingAntidepressants.org only when you have questions about tapering.

 

 

 

 

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