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Atao

Atao: Mirtazapine CT and withdrawal

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Atao

Is it possible that I have permanent brain damage from an anti-depressant.  I came of Zispin 12 years ago cold turkey and am still suffering withdraw symptoms that come and go. The symptoms are so severe at this moment that I think I'm losing my mind.  I am keeping two words in mind 'Courage & Dignity".  I'm going through this so long now that I don't talk about it any more to the people in my life.  However, its getting harder to deal with because I'm getting older (60) and my physical health is poor.  Two years ago I was told I had terminal cancer I was scared but also relived to know I was getting free of this withdrawal problem.  The doctor then decided to operate, she told me I had less than a twenty percent chance of surviving.  Well, I got free of cancer, I had my lung removed (and my quality of life) and everybody said I was a miracle.  I don't feel like a miracle, I feel like a pathetic mess.  Can anyone give me a little hope please.

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SkyBlue

Atao, my heart goes out to you. You have really been through a lot, to say the least. 

 

You may want to read AltoStrata's story. She has healed from iatrogenic damage from Paxil. It did take quite a while. 

Other stories that come to mind are Happy2Heal--she came off psych drugs after many decades. 

 

There are also Success Stories on this site, as well as others sharing what works for them. I admire your mantra, "Courage and Dignity."

 

If you are up to it, feel free to share more of your story here; this can be your Introductions Thread to get support during your journey.

People might be able to offer self-care strategies that might work for you, as well as general encouragement.

 

There is hope for healing. Please hang in there. 

 

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Atao

Hi SkyBlue

 

Thank you for your reply.  This is the first time I have posted anything on a website and it is also the first time anyone has truly believed me.  I read AltoStrata's story and you're right it is very encouraging.  

 

In 1998 I too was put on Zispin, as it's called in Ireland, for no good reason.  It caused me terrible nightmares, keep me asleep for ten hours every night and generally made me feel bad.  It made no difference to my mental state, which was fine anyway.  While I was on it, it interacted very badly with other medications and certain food, so I could not take certain things into my system.  I tried to come off it by reducing several times and always failed.  When I diagnosed with an underachieve thyroid I could not take the necessary medication to remedy it while on Zispin.  So in 2006 after eight years on Zispin I decided to go cold turkey.  It was pure hell but I thought it would only be for a few weeks.  The very severe withdrawal lasted two years, then a new, not quite as bad lasted another four years.  At the end of these six years I really thought it was over.  Then in 2012 the worst of it came - tremor, numbness, pins & needles, burning sensation with anxiety and panic attacks.  This is the way it has been for six years now coming and going.  It has been so terrible for the last two months, I can't eat, sleep, go out or be with people.  I am in total despair.

 

Medically: I seen a lot of all sorts doctors and had a lot of tests over the years.  And as a result I have been very abused by them.  I have not spoken to a doctor about this problem in four years and never intend to again.  Doctors are my enemy, they are dangerous to my mental health.  Family and friends don't understand and treat me like I have depression, so I don't want them around either.  Given my physical health I don't think I am going to, or indeed want to, get through this patch as I'll just be waiting for the next one.

 

I'd also like to add that in 2012 my doctor rang me and told me he had a pill that could cure my symptoms.  He'd bee to a conference and they had this wonderful new drug called Lyrica and that it was made for people like me.  I asked him was it addictive and he said no. I asked him was he sure and he said 100%.  So I took it, Yes fooled again.  It didn't help at all and I was addicted within a few weeks, shame on me for been so stupid.  I am now six years on Lyrica, it causes me no problems, nor does it help.  Basically it does nothing expect make Big Pharma rich.  However, I am not prepared to come off it and add to my withdrawal.  

 

I contacted your website and asked for my initial post not to be posted because I felt my cancer story made me identifiable.  On reflection, what does it matter, anyone on this site is on it for the same reason as me.  

 

I would appreciate any advice and I will over time explore the site.  It had been somewhat difficult for me to write this email because I am very disoriented at the moment.

 

Thank you so much for your help.

Atoc

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LexAnger

My god, I'm so sorry you were harmed for so long! I'm in total agreement that doctors nowadays are the most dangerous!

 

did you take lyrics before or after the new terror started in 2012?

 

if after, what do you think triggered the new symptoms that ramped up? you said lyrica is not doing anything to you. Have you been having those symptoms all these 6 years?

 

hope you are having some relief soon!

lex

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Atao

Hi LexAnger 

Zispin/ Mirtazpine/ Remeron

Thank you for your reply.  The symptoms started before I took the Lyrica.  Its the Zispin that is causing my problems.  The symptoms appeared to be dying down after six years but they then flared up again.  So my doctor thought that the Lyrcia would help ease these symptoms.  But the Lyrcia did nothing at all for me, they had no effect good or bad.  I am just now addicted to another pill.  Although he was trying to help he insisted they were not addictive.  What bothers me is how could he be so emphatic about something he knew nothing about.  To me doctors are just outlets for Big Pharma.  They believe everything they tell them or they don't care, they just go with the leaflet.  They are like a newsagent, they don't check if the story in the paper is correct. The newsagent is not responsible for whats printed, but the person with the MD is.  I think the GP's should be held responsible for the dangerous drugs they push on the unsuspecting masses.  

 

Atao

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LexAnger

It's so heartbreaking to hear your horror experience with doctors!

its a relief to know lyrica didn't cause more problems! 

 

Do you see any improvement in the past 6 years? How did you survive all these years? 

 

the whole medical system is set up for wrong doing and irresponsible behaviors from each. Pharmaceutical play numbers and FDA can be part of the deal to have a drug approved, then doctors are not responsible to know drugs from any other source or training except for the salesperson or leaflet. Pharmacist is the one knowing the drug but has no authorities to prescribe. See the loop with no one holding responsibilities for proper priscribing drug? 

 

 

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Atao

Hi LexAnger

 

The first six years were bad, but the second six years were much worse.  I'm not as bad as I was six years ago, but I'm not much better.  I have been unable to function for the last two months, its about two years since I've had it this bad. It comes in windows and waves as it has been described on the site.  Its never less than a 3 out of 10 and fluctuates between that and a 9 out of 10.  I don't want to scare anybody by talking about 12 yrs of withdrawal but I have to because I need help and support too.  I don't want to get too angry because that will only cause me pain.  I recently read the book The Sedated Society and it suggested that these drugs could cause permanent brain damage and that terrifies me.  The only good thing I feel is that I believe this dam is about to burst soon.  These people will be exposed for poisoning people.  But I guarantee the GPs will get off scot free.  I'm going to bed now and I hope I sleep and get a few hours relief.  I don't know what time zone you're in, its 1am here.  Thank you so much for your reply and kind words.  I hope you will keep in touch.

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Atao

Hi. Could somebody tell me how to add Mirtazpine to my user name.  I feel if I put this in I might get more replies.

 

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manymoretodays

Hi Atao and welcome,

I can add Mirtazapine to your user name.   Zispin is Ireland,s mirtazapine.   And I'll also add a tag......that goes above your introduction here.

It sounds like you've been through the wringer, and just would like help and support for protracted withdrawal/discontinuation now?

 

Could you do a signature for us?  Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

This is what you see below members posts.  This gives us an idea of your medication history at a glance.  Please add your Lyrica, even though you are not tapering.

 

You'll get more replies soon.  I'll also include a link to our symptoms and self care section

There are a lot of topics over there that should help with coping, and more knowledge around your situation now.  Self knowledge can be empowering.

 

This is your main page......your introduction/journal......introduction to the community, a place to ask questions, as well as post updates specific to your situation.  Feel free to explore around the site and get familiar, and visit and support other members as well.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

 

Edited by manymoretodays

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Atao

Hi manymoretodays.

 

Thanks for your help, I've added a signature as suggested. I'm feeling pretty desperate at the moment. Don't seem to have the physical health to deal with this level of withdrawal. Just struggling and trying to keep my dignity. I've had too much abuse in the past, not opening that door again.  I will explore the link your suggested. 

Thanks again

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ResALD

Im so very sorry for what you’ve been through. Just terrible.

 

i hope it’s okay to ask, but what mg mirtazapine were you on?

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Atao

Hi ResALD

 

I was on 15mg. Not a lot really.  Hope my story is not too scary.  But I think I’m just unlucky. I’m sure most people will recover quicker. 

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ResALD

For how long were you on 15mg before you CT?

 

And what are you symptoms over the last 12 years?

Edited by Altostrata
removed mod note

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ResALD

Also aside from the Lyrica, did or do you take anything else (herbs, pharms, OTC, Supps)?

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ResALD

Couple more questions please.

 

Why did you take mirtazapine?

 

Did mirtazapine help you for reasons that you took it, or did it always harm you?

 

And if it did harm you, what were the symptoms?

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