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Leo1983

☼ Leo1983: SSRI withdrawal

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Leo1983

Last xmas i chose to work as i could not stand the idea of sitting at a xmas table with family or even been in the same room. 

 

This year 18 month later im at home having lunch and even a beer oops.. 

 

Am i cured? NO. Am i better? i must be...

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sunnysideup69

Fantastic @Leo, enjoy! 

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manny03
3 hours ago, Leo1983 said:

Last xmas i chose to work as i could not stand the idea of sitting at a xmas table with family or even been in the same room. 

 

This year 18 month later im at home having lunch and even a beer oops.. 

 

Am i cured? NO. Am i better? i must be...

 

wishing you best in this holiday and the coming year. 

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Leo1983

Quick question if anyone can answer it...

 

Your in a stressful job and you take AD and end up with Adverse reactions and then wd etc etc etc. 

 

Your now in withdrawal however you still have to do that job to pay bills. Your symptoms are like nothing you had before i.e wd symptoms and we all know what they feel like. 

 

My question is..... Will that job stop you healing? I mean we all have to work and work is stressful. I do strongly think if i did not have the wd symptoms and all that goes with it i would be able to manage alot better at work and in my personal life. 

 

Thanks as always.

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sunnysideup69

@Leo1983, I'm not sure there's a definitive answer. It depends on whether you get some enjoyment from the job AS WELL as it being stressful, I think. And it depends on how much stress you are talking about. 

 

Also, most jobs have some stress. Life is tough at times. If you weren't working, for example, then stress would crop up elsewhere in your life. 

I personally don't think stress has to impede your recovery. As long as you are doing self care things to counterbalance the stress, you will continue healing. Plus, for me, work provides contact with the outside world and some respite from obsessing over WD. 

 

Be interested to hear others' views.... 

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Leo1983

it would be interesting......

 

Im not sure what work is doing as i just always feel in withdrawal. At home and at work so i wont know until it all settles. 

 

 

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sunnysideup69
12 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

it would be interesting......

 

Im not sure what work is doing as i just always feel in withdrawal. At home and at work so i wont know until it all settles. 

 

 

Yep, me too. I'm on holiday at the moment, two weeks off, and in my mind the hols were going to be blissful.

Well in reality, they've been ok, but WD is still there, so......

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Tweet

Leo, I did not work a job, although VERY busy at home during my wd.

I think it actually made things worse because my mind was on my symptoms full time.

Whenever I got occupied with a task that took concentration and got me out of the house I felt so much better. 

The whole time I was wishing I did have a job to take my mind off myself.

The symptoms can swallow you up if you can’t focus on something else.

Just for what it’s worth.

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Leo1983

So are you saying been at work and been busy is a good thing in wd?

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manny03

Hey, Leo! 

 

I haven't worked ever since I began my withdrawal. I've noticed when I workout (run or do seven mile walks), do house chores or at the moment, build a Titanic model kit, my W/D symptoms go haywire. Sadly, I need to be dull as a rageddy doll so I won't have any symptoms. :(  However, I need to move on with my life, so I just roll through the punches knowing one day like Alto, even if means 10 plus years, I'll be ok. 

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Leo1983

Hmmm thanks. 

 

i aint sitting with 10 year of this my friend. 

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manny03
2 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

Hmmm thanks. 

 

i aint sitting with 10 year of this my friend. 

 

Well if you find a solution, and it works, let me know. I'll do it. :) 

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Tweet
19 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

So are you saying been at work and been busy is a good thing in wd?

I am saying that it may be better than sitting at home focusing on your symptoms. 

Getting out and focusing on other things did help me.

I didn’t even have tv, games, or movies at home to distract myself from my suffering. 

(Looking back, I am glad, because research shows these to actually be damaging to the brain.)

 I also suffered from severe neuro loneliness which was greatly relieved by being around others.

But being at home alone really made things difficult.

 

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Leo1983

i 100% agree.

 

Thanks Tweet.

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manny03
11 minutes ago, Tweet said:

I am saying that it may be better than sitting at home focusing on your symptoms. 

Getting out and focusing on other things did help me.

I didn’t even have tv, games, or movies at home to distract myself from my suffering. 

(Looking back, I am glad, because research shows these to actually be damaging to the brain.)

 I also suffered from severe neuro loneliness which was greatly relieved by being around others.

But being at home alone really made things difficult.

 

I agree. Been out of the house. Been with people, walking in the wild fields and mountains (lucky to be near one) takes your mind of your symptoms and lessens their intensity. 

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Armorall

There's some viewpoints about working while in withdrawal in this thread  if you want to check that out, too.  

 

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Leo1983

Hi

 

@Altostrata

 

im 19 month out and you can see i have had waves and windows recovery i guess.

 

is it normal at this far out to still be sinking into amlmost catotonic type depression, Anhedonia, fatigue and morning anxiety 

 

sorry its not positive.

 

Lee

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Altostrata

How often does this happen, are there any triggers?

 

How have your symptoms changed in the last 6 months?

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Leo1983

This happens quite often... I suppose i have alot of withdrawal normal, were i feel i can manage. i feel hope and i push forward Then i drift back into the heavier sympyoms i mention. 

 

its very up and down. 

 

in the last 6 months i feel there has been some positive times and times of bad waves. in the last 2 month i dont feel i have progressed much. Im back to talking about wd all day and focusing on symptoms. 

 

I have been under work stress lately as they are telling me the information they have is 2 years to make a reasonable recovery and that i need to start and make some progress at work back into my normal duties. Also it has been xmas.

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Elyssa143

@Leo1983

Im month 22 and I still struggle really bad with symptoms  (Akathisia, hopelessness, suicidal intrusive thoughts, si feelings, depression, dread, anxiety) its a very frustrating process but according to so many others who are walking this path or who have walked this path this is still very normal at this stage in the process and there isnt any magical number for this to be over either. So many people do not understand! Its a process and as freaking uncomfortable and scary as it is. I think i may finally be settling in? And realziing it takes time and one day it will all be a distant memory, just as others before me. Hang in there. We do heal!

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Leo1983

Hmmm im starting to question things personally. Its not normal to just sit putting up with all this. 

 

I have kids a job and a life that one day will all end if this continues. Its a joke really 

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Elyssa143

@Leo1983 i have a life and kids and a fiance as well. Not sure what other choice we have. 

I refuse to ever take the meds again. This isnt my first protracted withdrawal, first one lasted 3 years after 30days of ativan. Took zoloft for a year got off fine, 3 years later went back on for one year lowest dose possible ended up in hell. I speak to tons of people who have healed or are healing. It is extremely frustrating and scary. Especially when our brains tells us otherwise, but again what ither choice do we have? I have seem some improvements im not in the constant hell i was in it has to continue to get better. We can and will heal. Trust me im frustrated discouraged and scared too. But i have to keep pushing forward, taking a risk and becoming even worse by being even more kindled is not worth the risk. I have seen people get 100x worse after trying another med and thats not worth it for me

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Snorky

Hi Both

 

Hope you don’t mind me contributing here. I’m only 4 months CT from amitriptyline. I’m equally overwhelmed with the combination of depressive thoughts and awful anhedonia. I’m back at work, as going down hill rapidly while at home for six weeks. Trying to use the maxim to tolerate, float etc, but don’t think it works so well with the depression/anhedonia symptoms.

 

Hope you’re both seeing some alleviation.

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Leo1983

19 month update from CT.

 

I dont post much now. 

 

I need some advice. Its a long time since i touched any meds!

 

I have kids, a job, a house etc etc and im aware they bring stress. 

 

However, i have read all the info here on the site and i know about the condition BUT im still not great and i dont think i have really had 1 day were i feel normal since my CT. Life has got easier however, i still have alot of cog fog, anxiety has never seemed to settle back down to baseline and at times feels like internal vibrating in my back, my zest for my old life still is long gone, i still wake up and never feel GOOD looking forward to my day..... You get the picture. 

 

YES im not as bad as acute wd was BUT i want to be able to wake up calm, enjoy my days off and have that nice feeling in the sun chilled and enjoy again. 

 

My question is am i looking at years of this? Do i have a condition? should i be better now? i wasnt on the drugs for years? im just at the stage were i think come on something has to be done here. 

 

Sorry 🤯

 

 

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Leo1983

Is there any views on my last post?

 

thanks.

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Snorky
57 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

Is there any views on my last post?

 

thanks.

Hi Leo

 

Just out of interest, how does your cog fog manifest? I also note you don’t mention the anhedonia thing (lack of pleasure) and depressive sensations. Isn’t that a good sign, despite other symptoms?

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Leo1983

Just popping in.

 

Im at 20 month CT now and i must say im not really that impressed how much i have healed. 

 

However i can function better and i have improved. 

 

Symptoms most days. 

- Anxiety on waking 

- Feel i need to wake up and do something. Cant sit still. As day goes on i can settle.

- That awful thick head feeling like your brains full of pressure. 

- Not always but somedays a huge feeling of almost catatonic depression/heavy fatigue depression. 

- poor stress management.

- Moody. 

 

Nothing has changed really. I have always drank tea and coffee, i enjoy a few drinks now and again. I take NOTHING drugs or meds or weed..

 

I admit i eat alot of crap but my appetite can regularly be poor. Gi issues mainly GERD.

 

Again it sounds bad but im alot better than i was in the start. 

 

I have had to change jobs because i just could not continue as a nurse. I have attempted to take time out. Not ideal but better than been sacked!.

 

My poor wife! shes been a star. 

 

Any advice welcome. 

 

 

 

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Leo1983

Hi

 

is there anyone with advice? i yave posted twice.

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Snorky
26 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

Hi

 

is there anyone with advice? i yave posted twice.

Hi L

 

I’m certainly not one of the moderators, but am also CT (six months now), and can relate to much of what you describe:

 

Anxiety on waking

Restlessness (inner,  not physical)

Awful thick head feeling. I’ve been describing a variation on this for months. Has a physical sensation, 24/7 but also blocks sleep, conversation, thinking, reading and enjoying etc. I’m assuming this is anxiety, adrenaline related, but no one confirmed this.

Depressive sensations-this is my A number one symptom. The most distressing and getting worse.

 

Am just about to try Magnesium and fish oil supplements, but low expectations.

 

S

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manny03

Hey Leo, 

 

I understand your frustration since I'm at the same place with you. I have noticed improvements from were I was more than a year ago, but sadly still need tread lightly since I do flare up when I push myself. for example, I used to run my 3k and do intense weight bodybuilding, but now I can't since I'll trigger harsh w/d symptoms. At the moment, it seems I could run a mile now once a week without a problem which is great. I couldn't do that a year ago, so I'll take that and go from there. 

 

My lingering symptoms

slight off balance

anxiety

slight urge to pee or poo

Muscle tension from my neck to head with the exact head symptoms you've described - especially when I hike or do more than one mile runs. 

 

At the moment, I'm doing small hobbies for example scale modeling to take my mind of my symptoms, because if I don't i quickly become too morose and begin to think I have some worse diseases. In the end, I'm like you, wanting this 'healing' to speed up and get back to my life especially doing bodybuilding and running 3ks. I'd recommend if you have any hobbies just do those to distract you. 

 

 

 

 

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Junglechicken

Hey Leo,

 

I'm 22 months off Lexapro and in a wave.

 

My worst symptoms have been GI/GERD issues and headaches.

 

I find my mood drops if I'm not working, so looking forward to having pressure again with deadlines.

 

As Manny03 says, being distracted is more positive than 100% focus on WD symptoms, as it can become an inward focused downward spiral, as I've found.

 

Hope you find a way forward 👍

 

TC,

JC

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Snorky
22 minutes ago, manny03 said:

Hey Leo, 

 

I understand your frustration since I'm at the same place with you. I have noticed improvements from were I was more than a year ago, but sadly still need tread lightly since I do flare up when I push myself. for example, I used to run my 3k and do intense weight bodybuilding, but now I can't since I'll trigger harsh w/d symptoms. At the moment, it seems I could run a mile now once a week without a problem which is great. I couldn't do that a year ago, so I'll take that and go from there. 

 

My lingering symptoms

slight off balance

anxiety

slight urge to pee or poo

Muscle tension from my neck to head with the exact head symptoms you've described - especially when I hike or do more than one mile runs. 

 

At the moment, I'm doing small hobbies for example scale modeling to take my mind of my symptoms, because if I don't i quickly become too morose and begin to think I have some worse diseases. In the end, I'm like you, wanting this 'healing' to speed up and get back to my life especially doing bodybuilding and running 3ks. I'd recommend if you have any hobbies just do those to distract you. 

 

 

 

 

Hi

Unfortunately, I also have this thing which prevents you from drawing any pleasure from activities. This includes all the things so used to live and would be a great distraction.

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Leo1983

 

@Junglechicken

 

Yes i notice this, when i am off work i feel i slip into low mood and feel alot worse. 

 

I am on holiday this week and feel poop. 

 

Why is this? surely one day we will be able to be off work and feel ok. I mean we cant work forever to keep distracted. 

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Katy398

Oh my word Leo. This is my exact sentiment. For me, weekends are such a struggle, as are holidays.  Working doesn’t off respite ‘just’  distraction. 

I must read through your thread, I see you’re a FT / CT lexapro like me although I dropped at 20 mgs!!!! Are you at 17 months now? I’ll have a read through. Hang on in there Leo. We can do this!

Take care K

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Leo1983

Hey.

 

Yes when at home its difficult. However, when at work also difficult lol. Distraction does help!

 

I was on and off meds over 2 years and then Lexapro did this to me. I was on Lexapro about 6 month up to 20mg then down to 5mg. Stopped it and the rest was history..... 

 

Im almost 21 month off. I really thought it would be over now. 

 

Woh you have a big med history, i hope you are feeling sort of ok. 

 

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Snorky

A lot of my recent posts have been about the perceived terror of being home alone. The worst case scenario was husband off to work and son to school. Would have to engineer situations to be out of the house. Seems that playing Macauley Culkin is not good for many of us. However, I found my depressive thoughts then overwhelmed me to such an extent that company was no longer my salvation. 

 

God bless.

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