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Leo1983

☼ Leo1983: SSRI withdrawal

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Katy398

Thanks Leo,

To be honest I’m not ok pretty much like you but 7 months behind. It’s a comfort that I’m not alone in this struggle but it’s a double edged sword. Who would want anyone else to suffer like this. Hang on in there Leo We’ll get through this others have so why not us🙂


 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

 

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Leo1983

Does anyone ever feel like they are now Bi polar since these meds? like up and down?

 

Anyone suffer from social anxiety to an extent they never once did? I used to walk out the door and party like no other. Now im like Victor Meldrew, im like the grinch. 

 

Would love some discussion around these 2 topics. 

 

Hope your all keeping safe.


May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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Glosmom

Hi Leo,

I know you were on antidepressants and my daughter's only medication was an antipsychotic.  However, she was never 'bipolar' before her iatrogenic medication. She started with her 'emotional cycling' (I don't like to use term bipolar because it is a DSM category and I believe the world of medication psychiatry is complete and utter fraud...sorry I digress.)

 

Anyhoo...while Glo was tapering she started  this emotional cycling ALOT.  She would be extremely angry, raging, yelling and then cry for awhile and then calm down.  This cycle was fast and furious during taper.  Sometimes it would come/go in a daily weekly pattern. Sometimes it would come and go in an hour by hour or minute by minute pattern. It was relentless.  Since she jumped to zero 13 months ago, the cycling has continued BUT it has gotten much better.  And it has decreased in intensity and frequency.  This cycling is still happening but her anger is much less intense and lasts for a short while. She is able to talk through it with me a bit, but still states she does not know why it is happening.  She can have days now where her mood stays consistent pretty much all day but she can have days where she will cycle through (same pattern only less intense - rising agitation, anger burst, sadness, crying then calm) 2 or three times (even more) a day.  It does now seem to be related more to her menstrual cycle....but not always. 

 

So I hope you don't mind me posting on your thread about this since the drugs are different. However, I have often talked with my husband about 'her emotional cycles' and how remarkable they are. They come on....and then they are gone.  This all started due to the DRUG and is not who she really is.  I believe it is due to her brain/CNS trying to heal and sort out all the receptor repair work that needs to be done in the various parts of her brain. I am very happy to see them decrease and I have true hope that one day they will be gone completely.  She also suffers from social anxiety in the same way.  She NEVER had social anxiety before and she loved getting out and about.  I have not seen as much improvement in this area....but I have hope that it will go away too in time.

 

Best wishes to you in your recovery.  I believe in time this will all recover for you as well, as long as you stay away from medications.  Glosmom


2016 - Oct -Daughter started Risperdal (for steroid induced psychosis that never went away after stopping prednisone)

Nov - dose increases stopped at 1.5mg in Dec

2017 - Jan- weaned from 1.5 to 1.0 in 2 weeks then 1.0 to .5 in two weeks and then off. Feb. 3 weeks of increased psychosis, pacing, insomnia, other awful symptoms so late Feb  - Back on 1.5 mg Risperdal. May  - decrease to 1.25mg, two weeks later 1.0mg - symptoms started again. June - held steady at 1.25mg for 6 weeks and switched to liquid (3 ml syringe). July - started 10% taper every 3 weeks, October -  .8 mg, December - .7 mg .

2018 -Jan- 0.65 mg,  Feb- 0.59,  Mar-0.50, late April - .40mg, July- .36 mg, Aug - switched from 3 mL syringe to 1 mL syringe for more accuracy (her dad and i were not sure we were giving her the same dose when in between the 'dashes' on the 3 mL syringe.) Aug -.30 mg (3mL syr)/.44 mg (1 mL syr) difference due to med in the tip of both syringes). Sept- .28 mg (3mL syr)/.42 mg (1 mL syr). Oct - .16 mg (3 mL syr)/.30 mg (1 mL syr). Nov.- .06mg (3mL syr)/.20 mg (1mLsyr). Dec. - tip only/unmeasurable (3mL syr)/.10 mg (1mLsyr)

2019- Jan -.06 mg (1 mL syr), Feb- .025 mg (1 mL syr), Feb 27, 2019 - jumped to zero!!

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Sheera

@Leo hi Leo—I am further along in my recovery than you but I remember going through a period of recovery where I did think I was bipolar. The first time I thought it I thought about looking up the symptoms but that never helps. Usually I talk to my husband when this happens. He has strict orders to refute any ideas I have about my recovery. And he responded with “your brain is healing, you were never bipolar before this.”  He has been the saving grace for me when I have these thoughts. I think I wondered about being bipolar for a few months and then it cycles into something new. You are not bipolar. It’s just the weird ups and down of recovery. I noticed you’re at about 2 years and I was still in a yucky place with no windows at that time too. My first window came at about 30ish months. I guess my first true window where I was exactly how I remember myself to be. It will come for you. 

 

As for social anxiety—i guess now that I think about it, I did go through some of that about the same time as you are now. Once I got to the place I was going — a concert which I typically love to attend—I was pretty okay. But I remember barely being able to get ready for it. I just recently wanted to attend a concert and had the most glorious time there with my husband and old friends. I hadn’t had that enjoyment in so long. There is so much hope for you!!

 

take care—

 

Sheera


Started Lamictal and Brintellix in November 2015

May 2016 Discontinued Lamictal 100 to 50 and then stopped completely.

October 20, 2016 discontinued Brintellex 10 to 5 then went from 5 to 0 on November 10, 2016.

 

Currently off all antidepressants

 

Current Supplements:  L-Theanine, Natural Progesterone, L-Methylfolate, Vitamin D, Omega-3's, Probiotic

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Leo1983

OMG - I have tested positive for Covid - 19 the joys of nursing profession. 

 

 

Hope all are safe and well. 

 

22 Month off CT today.

 

I still suffer with the following.

 

- Morning anxiety - Never had this until meds.

- Head fog detached feeling.

- Social anxiety this is the biggest issue, talking to family, been sat in a place talking to people, looking ppl in the eye when chatting. It really annoys me. 

short term memory. 

 

Lots of things have gotten better but i have this awful feeling of THIS IS IT! IS THIS THE NEW ME? 

 

Now i have this awful virus which is guna mix things up i guess. 


May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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Leo1983

Oh and my mood is still anhedonic. i lack joy and excitemwnt in my belly alot of the day.


May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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manny03
5 hours ago, Leo1983 said:

OMG - I have tested positive for Covid - 19 the joys of nursing profession. 

 

 

Hope all are safe and well. 

 

22 Month off CT today.

 

I still suffer with the following.

 

- Morning anxiety - Never had this until meds.

- Head fog detached feeling.

- Social anxiety this is the biggest issue, talking to family, been sat in a place talking to people, looking ppl in the eye when chatting. It really annoys me. 

short term memory. 

 

Lots of things have gotten better but i have this awful feeling of THIS IS IT! IS THIS THE NEW ME? 

 

Now i have this awful virus which is guna mix things up i guess. 

 

Just try and rest. Boost your immune system with Vitamin C to fight it off. I hope you only experience a mild version of it like I did.  Didn't get tested since here in the states they only do it if your half way dead. Crappy U.S. health system. Listed the symptoms that I went through in my last, and I was scared when the respiratory symptoms occurred.

 

Hoping for the best, Leo. 


Trintellix (Brintellix) 5mg - December 2015 to Mid July 2018

Vitamin C 500mgs daily January 2019 - March 30 2019 Boost my immune system through my withdrawal - Stopped

Up and Up 3 Billion Probiotics - Daily for IBS. - Stopped

Up and Up 30 Billion Probiotics - Daily for IBS. - Stopped

 

June 16-26 2018: C/T to take Antiviral medication for Shingles outbreak (Due to excessive stress - SSRI Poop Out). 

June 27 2018: Reinstated (5mg)

July 14 2018 last dose due to acute withdrawal symptoms. 

 

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Amira123

Hey @Leo1983 i am just checking, how are you doing?


Cymbalta 30 mg- 60 mg 

June 2016- October 2018 ( Cold Turkey) 

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Leo1983

Hi 24 Month update. 

 

Hi its been a while. Ok honestly im either in a wave or im having withdrawal symptoms from completely removing alcohol from my life after 15 years of use. By use i mean at night during the week and heavy at a weekend. I have also used alcohol during this withdrawal from medication. I kmow not a good idea, but it made me feel better short term. I now hear alcohol use can cause PAWS also. 

 

I have been doing pretty well for a few month and im working and changed jobs and im a dad etc etc. BUT im still not sorted and back to normal. 

 

Morning anxiety bummer!

Clouding of the sensorium - Brain fog

low mood, no energy. Just no fire in the belly.

Anxiety during the day but can manage it.

 

I am alot better than the first 12 months tho. 


May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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Leo1983

Anhedonia is still about too. 


May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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ChessieCat

This topic was recently updated:

 

are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 


NEW!!!               INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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ChessieCat
1 hour ago, Leo1983 said:

Anxiety during the day but can manage it.

 

Did you ever try Magnesium?


NEW!!!               INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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Leo1983

Hi

No not tried the magnesium. I did a while back and it spiked me up. 

 

Can someone help over the past 4 days i have been hit with a monster wave i think. I feel like i did in the start.


May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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ChessieCat

 

Q:  Are you still drinking alcohol?  If you are then I suggest that you eliminate that and see if it makes a difference.

 

Q:  Are you drinking anything containing caffeine?  If yes, then I suggest that you change to decaf.

 

13 hours ago, Leo1983 said:

No not tried the magnesium. I did a while back and it spiked me up.

 

Q:  Was it just magnesium or did it contain something else?  I have only been able to find one brand which is just magnesium, some of the others contain calcium, which cancels out the magnesium, and some contain B vitamins.  Vitamin B6 can be activating.


NEW!!!               INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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Leo1983

Hi. Yes i have continued to use alcohol. My worry is stopping after years of using it. 

 

In the morning when i wake up im full of anxiety and yes i tend to drink coffee. 

 

Not sure i will look Its just magnesium. 

 

This is not a good wave though and im at a point were im wondering is this still withdrawal. I was drinking the past 3 months and had some good windows, so is it alcohol? I tend to be stronger in a window. Then now i feel im a bad husband, dad and useless at work etc. My anxiety is high and my heads full of pressure and my mood has just dropped big time. 

The past 2 weeks i have drank once


May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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hayduke

Hi Leo.  I was brought up to drink a fair bit and had to hit the brakes on it during wds this year.  I went on the wagon for a month which was challenging but worthwhile.  Since then I try and keep it social and weekends.

 

Once the tide went out anxiety became more apparent, also a lot of fatigue but after a bit I was sleeping better and my energy levels have risen since.

 

I find 100mg L-Theanine capsules (amino acid from green tea, no caffeine) are helpful for quelling the anxiety without unpleasant side effects.  If I wake earlier than I want I will take one, cortisol is gone and I get a few more hours of kip.  If I have a persistent alcohol craving during the day a large glass of water helps, and then L-theanine helps relax without drowsiness.

 

I've nearly cut out coffee as well, caffeine can induce anxiety.  More tapers!  :-)

 

I've also allowed myself more snacks than usual because alcohol normally gives your body sugar, and your body crashes a bit otherwise.

 

It gets easier as you go.

 

The magnesium L-threonate powder is the best way to take the magnesium I've found, mix with a little water and slug it.  If you have access to a bath MgCl in the bath is really good for the nerves too.

 

Hopefully some of that is useful

 

Cheers


*** I am not a health professional - your actions are your own ***

 

My taper visualised as a graph   |   My intro thread

 

10mg olanzapine 2003-06.  3mg risperidone 2006-2014 gave slight weight loss but mediocre sleep.  Abrupt x-taper to try aripiprazole Dec 2014 increasingly restless (Freddy the blind man could've seen that coming, shame about the pdoc) then back onto 10mg olanzapine after 3 weeks.

Round 1:  2015 10 -> 7 1/2 -> 6 2/3 -> 5mg olanzapine.   Hadn't researched, just decided to try it myself with pill cutter.  Easy enough.  Next cut to 3 1/3mg for 2 weeks had me struggling to function.  Reverted to 5mg, thought that was as far as I could go.

Round 2:  Given Breggin to read, found SA.  Taper from 5 to 2.5mg over five months.  Titrate liquid suspension using Rhi's method.  Cuts and holds all done by feel.  All samples at start of month in mg:

2018:  Feb 5.0 | Mar 4.5 | Apr 4.25 | May 3.7 | Jun 3.3 | Jul 3.1 | Aug 2.9 | Sep 2.5 and six month hold

Round 3:  2.5mg and below.  EMDR work unearthed and resolved root trauma at around 2.1mg

2019:  Jan 2.5 | Feb 2.3 | Mar 2.215 / EMDR / Apr 1.976 | May 1.875 | Jun 1.825 | Jul 1.625 | Aug 1.525 | Sep 1.46 | Oct 1.3 | Nov 1.225 | Dec 1.25

2020:  Jan 1.214 | Feb 1.1 | Mar 1.0 🙂 | Apr 0.88 | May 0.82 | June 0.74 | July 0.69 | Aug 0.61 | Sep 0.59 | Oct 0.525 | Nov 0.5

‘If you think you’re enlightened, spend a week with your family.’  -- Ram Dass

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Leo1983

Thanks man. 

 

Is your anxiety ok? i just hate waves.


May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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hayduke

Mostly, yeah.  Coffee used to jack it right up.  Finding and working on the trauma relieved most of it. 

 

Anxiety's really common these days, says a lot about how the western world has been set up.  Alcohol WDs are also famous for causing it, at least till your GABA receptors rebalance.  I was feeling pretty good by the third week dry.

 

Meditation is really helpful.  Yoga is about my favourite but I haven't been since quarantine started.


*** I am not a health professional - your actions are your own ***

 

My taper visualised as a graph   |   My intro thread

 

10mg olanzapine 2003-06.  3mg risperidone 2006-2014 gave slight weight loss but mediocre sleep.  Abrupt x-taper to try aripiprazole Dec 2014 increasingly restless (Freddy the blind man could've seen that coming, shame about the pdoc) then back onto 10mg olanzapine after 3 weeks.

Round 1:  2015 10 -> 7 1/2 -> 6 2/3 -> 5mg olanzapine.   Hadn't researched, just decided to try it myself with pill cutter.  Easy enough.  Next cut to 3 1/3mg for 2 weeks had me struggling to function.  Reverted to 5mg, thought that was as far as I could go.

Round 2:  Given Breggin to read, found SA.  Taper from 5 to 2.5mg over five months.  Titrate liquid suspension using Rhi's method.  Cuts and holds all done by feel.  All samples at start of month in mg:

2018:  Feb 5.0 | Mar 4.5 | Apr 4.25 | May 3.7 | Jun 3.3 | Jul 3.1 | Aug 2.9 | Sep 2.5 and six month hold

Round 3:  2.5mg and below.  EMDR work unearthed and resolved root trauma at around 2.1mg

2019:  Jan 2.5 | Feb 2.3 | Mar 2.215 / EMDR / Apr 1.976 | May 1.875 | Jun 1.825 | Jul 1.625 | Aug 1.525 | Sep 1.46 | Oct 1.3 | Nov 1.225 | Dec 1.25

2020:  Jan 1.214 | Feb 1.1 | Mar 1.0 🙂 | Apr 0.88 | May 0.82 | June 0.74 | July 0.69 | Aug 0.61 | Sep 0.59 | Oct 0.525 | Nov 0.5

‘If you think you’re enlightened, spend a week with your family.’  -- Ram Dass

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Leo1983

25 Months 

 

What on earth is this feeling detached, sort of just in your own head and no joy in anything? Will it ever go? day after day after day.

 

Anxiety most the day, Anhedonia on crack and just a general feeling of been stoned! ( Not that i know how that feels).  

 

Its a joke still having this so far out.


May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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Amira123

@Leo1983 22 months out and dealing with the same. Every day feels like groundhog day. Starting to wonder if it's ever going to go away! 

 

You might turn a corner soon, i have read alot of people recover in the 3rd year. Hang in there

 

 

may i ask you, have you ever had a window when all of the symptoms dissapear and you just return to normal?


Cymbalta 30 mg- 60 mg 

June 2016- October 2018 ( Cold Turkey) 

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Leo1983

Hi

 

Thanks for replying.

 

Yeh, im starting to get sick of day after day after day feeling ****. I sometimes feel i have become part of a cult towards my mental and physical health. In the start i agreed it was the meds, as i had never felt that way before but after nearly 3 year of feeling **** im thinking am i just ignoring my health and am i brainwashed. 

 

Its a long time for family and kids to just sit and listen to you day after day after day.. " Its my healing darling, im clinically depressed but its just my trellis has been yanked away. I must cut out sugar, coffee, alcohol, wear a blindfold... When i get told you have never had to do this **** in your life. 

 

Relief needed soon! or some medical support. 

 

Never felt symptom free however, i have had days i felt alot better. Mainly just felt anxious, Anhedonic and detached.


May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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Teppo125

@Leo1983 Hi Leo

I have same issues. I was really outgoing guy. Played sports, having fun with friends, drinking heavily at weekends, always partying and laughing, allways going somewhere where is happening. 
Now I just wanna lay at home and if someone ask me to go somewhere or is coming to my home, I just freak out and get almost a panic attack. I don’t know what the heck is that. This isn’t normal me. I’m almost 11 months of of 2 months use. Never had social anxiety before, ever. It’s hard to go anywhere.  This is crap. 


Mid july 2019 started Escitalopram 

First week 2,5mg, second week 5mg, then 10mg for few days, then back to 5mg

Mid september 2019 quit cold turkey Escitalopram

1. february 2020 started Ketipinor for sleep issues and anxiety

mid march 2020 stopped Ketipinor

Taking some Diazepams (Diapam 5mg) for panic attacks and withdrawal. Not taken for months.

Esomeprazol 40mg/day for gastroesophageal reflux disease

Tapering that out 25% / week (done)

 

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persistente

i also worry that i have created the cult....not sometimes...very often....

On 8/8/2020 at 7:47 AM, Leo1983 said:

Hi

 

Thanks for replying.

 

Yeh, im starting to get sick of day after day after day feeling ****. I sometimes feel i have become part of a cult towards my mental and physical health. In the start i agreed it was the meds, as i had never felt that way before but after nearly 3 year of feeling **** im thinking am i just ignoring my health and am i brainwashed. 

 

Its a long time for family and kids to just sit and listen to you day after day after day.. " Its my healing darling, im clinically depressed but its just my trellis has been yanked away. I must cut out sugar, coffee, alcohol, wear a blindfold... When i get told you have never had to do this **** in your life. 

 

Relief needed soon! or some medical support. 

 

Never felt symptom free however, i have had days i felt alot better. Mainly just felt anxious, Anhedonic and detached.

 


3/2012 - sertralin 50 mg, no major side effects

1/2014 - ct sertralin 50 mg (tappered 3 weeks as doctor ordered)

7/2014 - back to sertalin 50 mg, no issues

4/2016 - ct sertralin 50 mg (tappered 3 weeks, my decision)

12/2016 - back to sertalin, major side effects from the first pill and the begginning of hell

2/2017 - mirtazepine 15 mg added for insomnia

6/2017 - stopped sertralin (2 months tapper)

9/2017 - stopped mirtazepine (3 weeks taper)

waves and windows

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Amira123

Hello, @Leo1983

 

i want to ask you, are you really unable to feel any good emotions? Like you are totally disconnected from the world and only feel dread/fear/depression? I find it really hard to believe that someone else is feeling dead/zombie like me, and this thought gives me anxiety that my condition is different/ or i have a sever brain damage or i will be the case that will not recover. I am just looking for some reassurance regarding these symptoms are they common even after 24 months out?

 

Amira

 

Edited by ChessieCat
reduced font size

Cymbalta 30 mg- 60 mg 

June 2016- October 2018 ( Cold Turkey) 

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Leo1983

Hi,

 

For months, i felt nothing and i mean nothing, i was lost for around 14 months.

 

I have had windows and waves since then. In windows i feel like i can manage and see withdrawal through and feel slightly better. However, i spend most of my time feeling like dog ****!

 

Im 28 month out from a CT/ Adverse reaction and i would say im still not happy with how i feel daily. 

 

I aint as bad as the first 14 month however, im still not great. I think im on a wave at the moment and each time im in a wave, i remember all the negative about withdrawal and get scared my brain is broken forever. 

 

Its the worst thing i have ever ever faced in my life and the longest. 

 

L


May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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Leo1983

I would say i can feel emotion and some element of joy however, im still Anhedonic and have depersonalisation issues. 


May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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Amira123

Thank you for your reply @Leo1983, i agree with you that this is the worst and longest thing anyone can face in their life. Something i read here before by Pug and Aeroman and other people who have recoverd that after recovery they cannot recreate the WD mental torment or shift their minds to the negative mental WD state. Having a brain injury explain this though. So i try to remember that maybe i will feel very bad for a very long time. But once this is over it will be forgotten.


Cymbalta 30 mg- 60 mg 

June 2016- October 2018 ( Cold Turkey) 

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Leo1983

 

 

Just wondering your view. Im almost 29 month out and i have to say im loosing hope and to be frank, i think people around me are too. It does become a bore to be fair complaining everyday of still feeling rubbish. 

 

Symptoms that remain.

 

Anxiety on waking and remains low level during the day. 

Head fog; pressure, unclear, confused, sinus blockage type feeling lol.

Aches/pains

Fatigue. 

 

I mean i dont have a huge drug history however, i did play around with a cocktail over a short period. 

 

Im just wondering if this is all worth keep going, without some imput from medics. I try to live as normal as possible and i do as im strong willed but i still feel like im in withdrawal or damaged or what ever..... Just not the old me. 

 

I also would like to know if anyone can tell me, what and why do we end up with this social phobia in withdrawal? Difficult to hold conversations, sit in a full room, small talk, meals together. Still very difficult. I sometimes feels its because of my emotional numbness/anhedonia that i feel anxious in these situations. I feel if it lifted then i could be the old me.

 

Strangest stuff i have ever known. 

 

Cheers guys. 


May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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ChessieCat

Q:  Have you stopped consuming alcohol?  If you haven't, then that is one simple thing that you could do.

 

 Alcohol is a CNS depressant.

 

From:  https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26466222/

 

On 7/6/2020 at 5:50 AM, brassmonkey said:

Some months after going off, some people report a serious wave of bad symptoms.  This is about the time that people are feeling very comfortable with their recovery, not realizing their nervous systems are still very sensitive.  This can cause them to get careless in their actions.  Drinking alcohol is a major factor in excellent recoveries getting derailed.  We just had a case of a member who has been drug free for several years with an excellent recovery underway.  They had a couple of drinks over the weekend and tripped off their symptoms all over again. 

 

 

 

35 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

I also would like to know if anyone can tell me, what and why do we end up with this social phobia in withdrawal?

 

I think it's because we like to stay in our comfort zone and keep the surprises to a minimum because our brains don't seem to react as quickly/easily and/or the same as they did before.  I've been doing a careful taper and I'm experiencing this myself.  I've also found that when I start talking to people, either on the phone or when I'm out I can easily become hyper.  Afterwards I berate myself for being like that because I know that if I met someone being like I am at that time that I would think them a bit wacko.  And of course I then have to deal with the ruminating thoughts and bringing myself back to normal pace.  It happens a few times a week, which is bad enough, but I can imagine that if I was out every day then it would become exhausting.


NEW!!!               INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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Leo1983

Thanks. 

 

I just hope it all goes away, as i had none of this before taking these sh*tty tablets and stopping them..

 

Yes i have stopped having a beer at the weekend. Its the only reward i get and now thats gone too. Just left with this sh*tty situation. 


May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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ChessieCat
Just now, Leo1983 said:

Yes i have stopped having a beer at the weekend. Its the only reward i get and now thats gone too.

 

That's good that you have stopped the alcohol.

 

However, what is not good is your attitude towards not drinking.  Instead of thinking of it as losing something, think of it as helping yourself.  And it won't be forever.  Just not now.

 

And you could try to find some other "reward".

 

A constant theme throughout the majority of your time being at SA is negativity.

 

I suggest that you go back and read through your Intro topic.  It is very easy to forget how bad we were at the start.  When I look back at beginning of my topic I start thinking, wow I'd forgotten about that and/or how bad that was and it makes me realise that even though I'm not as good as I would like to be I am much better than I was.

 

But I do understand that it can be frustrating and very draining when it goes on for so long.  I am experiencing that myself at this time after injuring my back mid June, healing from that but as a result ofmy sedentary lifestyle (and the back injury bringing the issues out) I'm having to do a lot of work, and for many months now, trying to get my muscles working properly.  And just like WD I get improvement and then have a set back and rinse and repeat.  At times it's caused me to feel suicidal when it all gets too much (unrelated to tapering etc).  I'm just over it and like you I just want it over with.  Many times I don't feel like doing the exercises and they can actually bring on the discomfort from the nerve in my back causing the numbness down my leg.  However, if I don't do the exercises I'm going to end up even worse in the long run.


NEW!!!               INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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Leo1983

So sorry to hear about your situation! I understand its not just me who has these issues and i know you have your own issues. I do hope they get better soon and with your attitude im sure you will recover soon. 

 

I think my negativity is partially because i cant stand the fact i feel like some true mental case and have been for almost 2.5 years due to some tablets from a Dr. I also think its partially to do with what my brain/CNS is doing that makes me that way. 

 

I do really try daily to be positive, but at times it just all floods back how long this has gone on and i do question am i waiting for NOTHING.

 

Hope you feel better soon. 


May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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Amira123
1 hour ago, Leo1983 said:

I also would like to know if anyone can tell me, what and why do we end up with this social phobia in withdrawal? Difficult to hold conversations, sit in a full room, small talk, meals together. Still very difficult. I sometimes feels its because of my emotional numbness/anhedonia that i feel anxious in these situations. I feel if it lifted then i could be the old me.

 

 

 

@Leo1983

I think it is because the part in the brain responsible of feeling calm and at ease is broken. I have experienced this myself, during the windows(when the symptoms ease a little bit) i feel it is more easy to be around people and talk and be confident. Once the window close i find myself back again to the same feeling you are talking about but mine is mostly a mix of (dread, anxiety, fear, anhedonia and depression)

 

i imagine once this part fixes itself everything will be back to normal


Cymbalta 30 mg- 60 mg 

June 2016- October 2018 ( Cold Turkey) 

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ChessieCat
7 hours ago, Leo1983 said:

So sorry to hear about your situation! I understand its not just me who has these issues and i know you have your own issues. I do hope they get better soon and with your attitude im sure you will recover soon.

 

Thanks Leo.  There have been some very difficult times during this process (and even just a couple of days ago the switched flipped for a short time) but I'm starting to see small benefits now and am seeing the whole journey as being a good thing and benefiting me in the long term.  And the non drug coping techniques which I've learned from here have really helped me to get through it.

 

Here's an example of how I am at the moment (fragile), how situations affect me (almost in tears) and how I am managing it (lots of self talk).  I am not sure if it's withdrawal, covid isolation, fitness recovery, but I suspect that all three are part of it.  Today I went for a long drive and 1/2 hour after starting I called into McDonalds to get a thickshake.  There now only have self serve ordering, which I don't like at the best of times.  I have used the McDs ones before so I was familiar with them.  Aha, but they have changed it.  I order the thickshake, next question would you like to add anything.  I looked to the left and bottom of what they were offering and couldn't find anywhere to continue to pay for my thickshake.  I asked the guy next to me (of course no staff around to ask) and had pointed to one of the selection boxes which said no selection.  So I was doing okay.  Then the next step, would you like to round up to make a donation.  That annoyed me.  Then somehow I ended up ordering a second thickshake.  At this point I nearly walked out because I was starting to tear up.  So I cancelled the lot and decided to try again.  Somehow I finally managed to get through and complete the order.  I ended up having a bit of a rant to the guy who had helped me (not as much as I normally would have though) because I needed to let off a bit of steam.  I had to do self talk and I started feeling a bit better but there was a delay so I started walking around to try and wear off some of the adrenaline.  Finally got the thickshake, went outside and tasted it and it was horrible.  I wasn't angry, more disappointed.  It was an iced coffee and it tasted like I had cleaned my teeth before drinking it.  I was going to keep going and then I thought, no, I've paid $5 for this and I'm not going to enjoy it and I've had the iced coffee one before and I enjoyed it.  So I took a deep breath and calmly went inside and told the lady that it tasted horrible, that I had had one before and could I please exchange it for a chocolate one. 

 

I got out of the car because I wanted to walk around.  Next time I'll go through the drive through and walk around afterwards!!!  At least then I can tell them what I want and not have to deal with the stupid self serve.

 

About 20 minutes later I had two cars cut in front of me (one before the lights changed and one after the lights changed and they were both so close that if I had been going faster and/or not been alert I would have hit them, one from either side at the lights.  I was close to losing it (after the second one I shouted what is going on?) but then told myself to calm down, and that nothing happened.

 

I've told you this for a few reasons:  1) so you can see how something very minor affected me so that you can see that it is not just you that is having difficulties, which I think you already know, but sometimes actually knowing the details makes it more real, that it is happening to a real person, not just an online entity, 2) so that you can see that it is possible to get through it, and 3) the selfish reason - I wanted to have a whinge about it!

 

I did end up having a nice day out (and what happened at the start could have spoiled the whole day).  It did get a bit stressful at times because I went somewhere that I had never been before so it was unfamiliar (I got lost driving there even with my sat nav, I had to ask for directions to get from the car park into the shops because there were no signs, I got lost in the shopping centre, I had to ask how to get back to my car because I hadn't taken any notice where I was or which level I was on so didn't know which level to get out of the elevator and I asked for directions about how to get out of the car park) but I managed it.  I didn't look at it as a bad thing.  I see it is part of my recovery process.  And the whole time I was out I had to keep telling myself to chill and that I was okay.

 

BTW - I could have spent $10 and got the items posted.)  But that would have been the easy way out.  I knew it was going to be helpful to do it.)  It cost me at least that in petrol.  On the way back I stopped in a park and ate my salad that I bought.

 

It's hard work!  But I feel like I've achieved something.  And of course now when I go out next time I can remind myself that I got through this okay so I can do it again.


NEW!!!               INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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Leo1983

Quick question about WAVES......

 

Is it normal in a wave to totally change. Is it normal to turn confused, really anxious, repetitive about withdrawal, feeling dread and that you wont ever get better, loss appetite, aches and pains and just like **** in general?

 

When in a window i feel alot stronger mentally and more able to do things. Its like you feel your still unwell but can manage it. Then all of a sudden your just back to that walking mess. 

 

Very strange.


May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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persistente

It is what has been happening to me all the time duribg last 3 years. Not normal at all. But completly normal in wd. Hang on. It gets better. My last serious wave was 2 months ago. 


3/2012 - sertralin 50 mg, no major side effects

1/2014 - ct sertralin 50 mg (tappered 3 weeks as doctor ordered)

7/2014 - back to sertalin 50 mg, no issues

4/2016 - ct sertralin 50 mg (tappered 3 weeks, my decision)

12/2016 - back to sertalin, major side effects from the first pill and the begginning of hell

2/2017 - mirtazepine 15 mg added for insomnia

6/2017 - stopped sertralin (2 months tapper)

9/2017 - stopped mirtazepine (3 weeks taper)

waves and windows

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