☼ Leo1983: SSRI withdrawal

[Alice1]

@Leo1983

You ain’t got that market cornered bro 😎.  I’m at work with panic and Akathisia dizziness DP DR going crazy intrusive thoughts etc , but I earned it and I know it will ease off as long as I do what’s required.  Same thing for you.  
 

It doesn’t take much to get a sensitive nervous system going, and it takes awhile for it to settle down, but IT DOES SETTLE DOWN  if you do the right things.     

[Leo1983]

@Alice1

 

I know but how long do you live like that man. 

[Alice1]

@Leo1983

As long as it takes.  There’s no other options.  Fortunately if you do the right things for long enough it starts to get easier.  Windows start showing up again, sleep gets better, rough periods are more tolerable , but then we can easily slip back into old behaviors and set the whole thing back again.   It’s work my friend. No doubt about it.  Just like if you want to lose weight, you can’t go to the gym for a week and lose the weight. You have to be consistent and apply other things such as diet and discipline, and patience . Only after a few months of the right thing do you start to notice a slimmer body.  This is no different.  

[waves12]

14 hours ago, Alice1 said:

@Leo1983

As long as it takes.  There’s no other options.  Fortunately if you do the right things for long enough it starts to get easier.  Windows start showing up again, sleep gets better, rough periods are more tolerable , but then we can easily slip back into old behaviors and set the whole thing back again.   It’s work my friend. No doubt about it.  Just like if you want to lose weight, you can’t go to the gym for a week and lose the weight. You have to be consistent and apply other things such as diet and discipline, and patience . Only after a few months of the right thing do you start to notice a slimmer body.  This is no different.  

Hi Alice, I just wanted to ask you in your repsonse to Leo about 'doing the right things' can you tell me what you do to keep going, what kind of things you do to calm and carry on, I am in no place to work at all. My nervous system is fried every single day, racing heart, unreality, feeling of that veil over my face, dont feel connected to people not even my family, dont feel anything when with them, this is so scarey.  I am 5 years out now from CT and in a mess.  Have had loads of stress and its still not resolved. Had to go to emergeny services a few days ago, this is the second time in 5 months as the anxiety so severe it was unbareable and fearing for my heart and body to keep going, madness it seems to keep fighting this as no better at all.  I am sorry you still suffering too and Leo too and many others.

 

Any thing you can pass on will help me Alice.  Best wishes to you and you are very brave being at work, I could not do 1.5 hours of volunteering I had to quit.  So more stress becasue of bills and the house and fear of where I will end up, in a sorry state for sure.

[Leo1983]

Hi Waves

 

Sorry your feeling this way! 

 

You have one hell of a drug history for a CT!

 

Im sure with time this will settle?

 

Im sick now at 3 year off CT qnd wonder if it will ever go. Would medication help? I just dont know. 

 

When im feeling better i dont think like this but when in a wave boy im down in the dumps big time

[waves12]

1 hour ago, Leo1983 said:

Hi Waves

 

Sorry your feeling this way! 

 

You have one hell of a drug history for a CT!

 

Im sure with time this will settle?

 

Im sick now at 3 year off CT qnd wonder if it will ever go. Would medication help? I just dont know. 

 

When im feeling better i dont think like this but when in a wave boy im down in the dumps big time

Hey Leo

 

Yes a living hell for sure.  Sometimes I wonder if meds would help but have been off for so long its  a hard call.

 

I know many have a rough ride for many years, I am 58 so 5 years of precious life already slipped by and ruined my life and my grown up kids lives too.

 

I had the odd day here and there when I felt good and almost felt like heaven but it never lasted more than a day.  The last really good day I had was April 11th this year, all in a journal.

 

So scared of trying meds incase it goes very wrong and I end up jumping, thats how fragile I am.  This current life is pointless really but like I said had some good days they just seem to have gone away for a long time now.

 

So sorry you struggling too, it feels very unfair to endure this s***t.

 

All best wishes to you Leo.

Julie

[Alice1]

5 hours ago, waves12 said:

Have had loads of stress and its still not resolved.

Hi Waves , I’m so sorry to hear that you’re still suffering.  The quote is the reason why your body isn’t calming down.  When our CNS is super sensitive, any amount of stress will keep it enflamed. I know this because of the research I have done and my personal experience with getting better, then dealing with a giant stressor, and witnessing first hand symptoms flaring up again.  Bottom line, you absolutely must reduce your unresolved stressors, and increase rest where ever you can.  Also, you need to do this work at the front end for long enough ( typically months ) to see results.  Your healing speed will absolutely depend on how well you reduce stress and increase rest.  
 

3 hours ago, waves12 said:

had the odd day here and there when I felt good

This is evidence that your body can get there.  It will give you more of these days as you do the right things for a long enough time. 

[Leo1983]

@Alice1

 

Still my response to this is.....

 

Are we guna be doing this forever to keep sane?

[Alice1]

@Leo1983

@waves12  There are a lot of things one must do forever to keep healthy Leo. As your body heals and starts clearing symptoms it will not require as much care and will regain resiliency, but if one gets careless and starts to overstimulate the body again, then yes, the body will kick up a fuss again. 
 

Think of it like this. Your nervous system is an 8 ounce glass. Stress and stimulation is water. Our nervous system  (glass)  is full. So any amount of stress (water) will cause the glass to overflow and spill (symptoms). As we work to calm our bodies down, the water in the glass will dissipate allowing more room for more water. So the goal is to keep that water in the glass at a level to where it can receive more water without spilling over.  
 

The key here is time.  The water in the glass has to “evaporate” (time) down.  In order for it to evaporate, it must have the right environment (stress reduction) in order to do so. 

[Leo1983]

@Alice1

 

Thanks and i totally understand that.

 

I think in withdrawal and after you have to be alot healthier etc.

 

My question is.... Before wd i still could eat crap, drink beer and recover from hangovers, run etc without any of this water and glass constantly in my life. 

 

Im asking can we get back to that place again. 

[Alice1]

@Leo1983

Absolutely.  Your glass probably had 1-2 ounces of water in it at that time, but as the years went on that water level kept rising and rising. Now you need to let it evaporate to lower levels.  The more calm and stress reduction the lower the water level, the more it can handle. 

[Alice1]

@Leo1983

At some point you’ll have to provide a balance. If you want to live in exciting life where you’re charging your nervous system every day, you will have to implement calm and stress reduction in there along with it to provide the balance. If you give your body stimulation every day without that balance of stress reduction and calm, it won’t be long until you’re right back here again.

[Leo1983]

@Alice1

 

When these waves hit i do nothing. Its just my body and brain doing it! I could sit in a empty room and its there. 

 

All i know is i once had a life of gym, beer and friends. 

 

Now i feel like a bipolar. Its just so weird and by the sounds of it im guna have to live lije a diabetic would. I.e lifestyle etc just to be normal. 

[waves12]

5 hours ago, Alice1 said:

Hi Waves , I’m so sorry to hear that you’re still suffering.  The quote is the reason why your body isn’t calming down.  When our CNS is super sensitive, any amount of stress will keep it enflamed. I know this because of the research I have done and my personal experience with getting better, then dealing with a giant stressor, and witnessing first hand symptoms flaring up again.  Bottom line, you absolutely must reduce your unresolved stressors, and increase rest where ever you can.  Also, you need to do this work at the front end for long enough ( typically months ) to see results.  Your healing speed will absolutely depend on how well you reduce stress and increase rest.  
 

This is evidence that your body can get there.  It will give you more of these days as you do the right things for a long enough time. 

Hi Alice 

 

Thank you for your response. I am exhausted all the time. I started swimming again about 5 or 6 weeks ago and whilst it's helped me sleep a bit better it's also made me feel worse too more ramped up. I wonder if it's too much for me. I am bored and isolated so thought it would help some but I'm now doubting this as feel even more exhausted. Tried to do something good for myself and feel it's backfired. I feel good when in the pool but afterwards feel completely wiped out. Maybe I will have to stop. So frustrating as I wanted to have an interest and be with people. So confusing if good or bad. Listen to my body I guess. The ongoing stress with my son, a big fall out, can not be resolved currently he just won't so I am unable to do anything about that. Financial worry too and unable to work in this mess. Oh dear what a mess I am in and nobody close by to help me. Feel like giving up but won't. Thank you. 

[Leo1983]

Hi 

 

If this helps anyone. 

 

Had my first Covid jab over 9hrs ago. Feeling pretty much the same as i did going to get it. Little temperature maybe but all good. 

[Leo1983]

Then isnt this bollocxs.

 

Hoe many ppl are loosing everything not to get help. 

[brassmonkey]

@Leo1983-- The main objective of this site is to help people remove antidepressants from their life so they can get back to living a life free of the interference of the drugs. While this is happening we also try to teach coping skills to get through the hard times of ADWD, but ones that will also be of use once a person is drug free. We are not about "curing" anyone's mental health issues but have found that the time spent in ADWD is well used to address the issues that got us involved with the ADs in the first place. This, however, is up to the individual.

 

We have found that ADWD can be very transformative for people. Facing the problems posed by tapering  and the symptoms of ADWD, the lack of support from friends, family and the medical community and the highly personal nature of ADWD gives a person inner strength and self assurance that carries over for the rest of their lives. We are not learning to live with it, but rather learning to move past it, put it behind us and get on with our lives with us in control.

[Leo1983]

@brassmonkey

 

Thanks for that.

 

All im saying is people are waiting to feel good again so they can move on. When in withdrawal or what ever it is you cant function full stop. 

 

People are spending years this way, loosing everything in their lives. 

 

What are they waiting for? Are we ever guna feel normal again and calm and refreshed. Or are we learning to live feeling like death everyday. 

 

Its always good to have good coping skills. But the way this WD makes you feel is nothing more than unstable. 

[manymoretodays]

split/moved a few posts back here, so that your history/progress is all in one place Leo1983.

 

Don't be forgetting about your good periods Leo, or lengthy windows in the last couple of years.  I know you've had some.  What do you do to relax and unwind that doesn't involve any psychotropic substance?  Are you and the wife dancers?  Or hikers?  Or try some mindfulness, meditation with the kids.  Or on your own.  You don't have to make non-drug coping a religion, but I'm sure there is always something more that might help if practiced consistently over time.

 

And best.  L, P, H, and G, mmt

 

[Leo1983]

@manymoretodays

 

Hi,

 

Great to hear from you again!

 

I remember you welcomed me to the group back in 2018.

 

I hope you are well.

 

Manymore please please please see what im asking......

 

Im asking do these waves go away forever at somepoint. Does the system go back to been good over time. Can we have a coffee, go to the gym or have a beer without been left crippled. 

 

I understand the need to be healthy and practice self care etc. 

 

This wave has came on and think people around me are sick now. I think they just think " Who the hell sits around this long like that" 🙄

[persistente]

10 hours ago, Leo1983 said:

 

 

What are they waiting for? Are we ever guna feel normal again and calm and refreshed. Or are we learning to live feeling like death everyday. 

 

Its always good to have good coping skills. But the way this WD makes you feel is nothing more than unstable. 

I am waiting this to end. Or to improve as much as it can. There is nothing else available to do. I know how bad it was. It has improved. I hope it continues. It is not linear. It is hard. Sometimes it is hell. But it is not permanent hell. 

[Leo1983]

Update 32hrs since Covid vaccine.

 

Lethargic

Sore arm

Bit temperature.

 

Nothing major. 

[manymoretodays]

Yup and yup.

The world is full of sick humans.

And you want a concrete answer right now.

And cannot stop obsessing over it all, or that's where I find myself of late........

Until......I take a mental break, shift my focus, get into someone else's sickness for as much as I can handle.

And then I just go on to the good, the kind, the beautiful.  The pretty splash of lavender, with a sprinkle of oh my gosh manymore, look how far you've come, look at what you've gotten to believe, and my own truths, and loved people, and what is it in this life that really matters?  And how do I get out of my obsessional thinking sometimes?  What I do versus what you might do, may vary.......but I hope you get the gist.  I've had to make lifestyle and many many changes just to survive, and beyond the survival lies a good, good person, and life, and thank goodness I'm still here to learn and grow, and be part of this everchanging World right now.

 

However, the more I focus on their sickness, or my my me oh my healing and woes........well, it just doesn't always do the trick.  I'm not going to "sit around and wait" forever.  I'm going to believe I am well enough, good enough, and courageous enough right now.  Period.  !

 

Leo, I know you are a caretaker of sorts, and perhaps that makes it harder......to shift into some positivity when it comes to yourself.  Yet I have every belief that you can and will heal.  Go play.....use your imagination, focus on all that is good, and kind, and beautiful.  And perhaps try a event without the wine, or brewski's.  Set a limit on the caffeine.   Contemplate every new medication, well before you ever ingest it.   Let your feminine side shine a bit even.   Heck, I've had to put on big boy pants on more occasions than I care to admit, when in reality I'm just a little girl, all grown up now......still young at heart, and with an open heart.  You've done great, breadwinning, and family, and job, and all that that entails.

Let your head drop into your heart for a bit, as long as you can.  Trust me, it will help. 

 

So many things to choose from, with non-drug coping.  Sometimes even that overwhelms me.....lol, the choices.  Just choose to heal.  Don't waver.  Choose to be neutral and accept all the darn dualities.  There are many.  Walk the middle road.  Make change happen where you can.

 

And best.

L, P, H, and G, mmt

[Amira]

11 hours ago, Leo1983 said:

 

@brassmonkey

 

Thanks for that.

 

All im saying is people are waiting to feel good again so they can move on. When in withdrawal or what ever it is you cant function full stop. 

 

People are spending years this way, loosing everything in their lives. 

 

What are they waiting for? Are we ever guna feel normal again and calm and refreshed. Or are we learning to live feeling like death everyday. 

 

Its always good to have good coping skills. But the way this WD makes you feel is nothing more than unstable. 

 

 

I ask myself this question EVERY SINGLE DAY.

 

It feels permenant. It is a chemical feeling and it is scary. Of course i dont want it to be permenant

 

All my life i have been through difficult situations but i was able to move on and forget about them. But this! I can't overcome this. It is like it is stuck with me. It is very hard to live without good emotions and pretend that everything is okay. I mark the days on calendar instead of enjoying them.

Edited July 25, 2021 by Amira

[Amira]

Sorry if my previous post was negative

[Leo1983]

Hi.

 

Im not ignoring you. Im fine with what ever you want to say. 

 

Im just at the end of my rope with this. Its bordering on silly thoughts! 

 

I ask on here will we all stop feeling like ****? Will the symptoms go? Will it end? All i get back is learn to float...... How do you float when you feel disabled. 

 

I just dont know about all of this anymore.

[Leo1983]

Hi. 

 

Mon tues wed wave was alot less.

 

Today i feel im back in it again? 

 

What i am noticing is when i dont sleep alot during the nite i.e 5-6 hours i appear to function better. However last night i slept 9.5 hours and today my anxiety is sky high and the head fog etc is all back. 

 

I have noticed this alot when i look back. More sleep equals harder wd days.

[Leo1983]

Hi

 

I have made a decision today!

 

Im booking in to discuss my situation with a Psychiatrist. 3 year past and all i have to my name is a computer and strangers telling me i will get better. I have little evidence of this. Things are now starting to impact my personal life so much, its just no longer possible to just wake up like a anxious, miserable brain dead mess. 

 

Also i will be taking my prescribed medication for my hernia. Again the advice is to not take it however, im also in pain taken this advice. 

 

I was 34 when this started im now 37! Thats along time to sit putting up with this. 

 

Im not sure if it will be best to cancel my account or block it or wateva. I need to get out of this withdrawal trance. 

 

Thanks for all the support 😉

[Leo1983]

@Altostrata

 

Do you still take Lamotragine? Why that drug? Its a mood stabaliser. 

 

Im just curious as windows and waves sound alot like bi polar. 

 

Thanks

[Altostrata]

See 

 

Lamotrigine is an anti-seizure drug which is used, like all anti-seizure drugs, as an ingredient in psychiatric drug cocktails. Simply because psychiatry calls it a "mood stabilizer" does not mean it that is its effect.

 

I am sorry your recovery is taking longer than you would like. 

 

Nobody here told you to stop taking your hernia medication. You decided yourself to stop it because you noticed adverse effects. 

On 7/19/2021 at 11:57 PM, Leo1983 said:

....

 

I took the medication for 3 month. Stopped it myself and after a while used it again for a week or so. 

 

I must admit i did notice increased anxiety and tinnitus but just thought i need to take it. 

 

My question is....  I am in a big wave and recently stopped the Pantoprazole. If it is the Pantoprazole what am i supposed to do with a diagnosed mechanical issue? I.e the hernia?

....

 

Having to deal with a chronic condition such as withdrawal symptom and its associated sensitivity puts us all in a bad place, another medical condition on top of that means you might have to make some difficult choices about treatment.

 

You cannot blame this community for your being in a bad spot and trying to help you by suggesting other ways to cope with your symptoms.

 

You might want to read

 

Are We There Yet? How Long is Withdrawal Going to Take?

 

"Is it always going to be like this?"

 

You may, of course, do anything you think is best for your health. If after all this time you think you have bipolar disorder rather than a syndrome from going on and off antidepressants, I don't think there's anything we can do to help you here.

[Leo1983]

Hi @Altostrata

 

Thanks for the info on Lamotrogine.

 

My hiatus hernia they wont do surgery on that and said PPI is my answer. I have tried not to take it and basically i am crippled with acid and stomach aches. 

 

After all this time i dont think im bipolar but what i do know is im a loony tune to what i once was. I have read 2 success stories today @alexand @Nadia and they both fought until 4-5 year and recovered. 

 

I guess all i am is a human that wants to wake up and take care of his kids without feeling like crap. I also thought it would be over now.

 

 

[Altostrata]

You will have to make your own decisions regarding your medical condition. If you don't like the effects of the medication prescribed for it, discuss that with your doctors.

[Moonpie]

3 hours ago, Leo1983 said:

After all this time i dont think im bipolar but what i do know is im a loony tune to what i once was. I have read 2 success stories today @alexand @Nadia and they both fought until 4-5 year and recovered. 

 

You will recover too, but that is hard to envision right now with all the suffering.  Your physical pain makes it even harder right now. 

 

3 hours ago, Leo1983 said:

I guess all i am is a human that wants to wake up and take care of his kids without feeling like crap. I also thought it would be over now.

That day will come you are doing great persevering.  You are a great example to your kids by continuing to be strong and not give up.  I have found that thinking it would be over by now has been a trap for me.  It has tormented me and made everything worse.  I am purposing to accept that it isn't over and when it is it will be and I will be done for good.  I just have to get through right now. I am trying to focus on the victories and things that have eased.  It doesn't make the hard moments any easier but it sure doesn't make them worse.  Please take care

[Tweet]

Leo I am sorry for your suffering. 

My husband suggested I follow a course for bpd online at emotionallysensitive.com. 

I have since discovered that I am not bipolar but the symptoms of my broken brain were during those months very similar. I learned coping skills and emotion and thought controls that were SO helpful to control my mind and behaviors and the unnecessary suffering that resulted. As my mind and nervous system passed beyond that place I have kept the skills for thinking, feeling, and interacting which has helped me deal with the issues that got me on the meds in the first place. 

I also listened to Joyce Meyers battlefield of the mind DVDs probably 100 times to improve my thought processes and create more positivity in my thoughts during withdrawal and beyond.

Use this time to improve yourself and "do the work" so you will be awesome when this painful period ends. And it will. Decide to be even better than the person you were when you got on the meds. 

I am 3 years out after over 20 years on Prozac and have no waves and no symptoms. This can happen for you too if you are willing to do the hard work. I don't desire to drink and one reason is that anything that acts on my brain I am not going to touch with a 10-ft pole! I feel great and do not at all feel that I am missing out on anything by doing what is necessary to keep this wonderful equilibrium going.

It just makes me feel good to know that I am doing everything I can to take care of myself. I don't have to watch what I eat because I'm not sensitive to foods anymore.

Maybe this will happen for you too!

Try to think of going without things as a small price to pay for good health and a sound mind. 

You will get to the other side eventually. Maybe not on your personal timetable but it will come to pass because nothing in this world lasts forever.

Try to keep a positive attitude in the meantime and try not to rage against your suffering. Just accept it as part of the healing process. One thing that really helped me was helping other people because it did not allow me to focus on myself or my own pain too much. I learned if I let myself start whining and complaining about my suffering instead of just accepting it and patiently enduring it I was just going to cause myself a lot of undue torture and pain. (Not saying that I never whined and complained because I was pretty vocal about how bad I felt sometimes lol)

 

Don't know if this will help, Leo, but the last thing that I will tell you is that this will definitely end for you if you stick with it.

 

[Leo1983]

Hi Tweet

 

Thanks for all that. I really appreciate the time you took to write it. 

 

Can i ask something. Are you saying unless i do some work on myself and thoughts etc that i may always feel this way?

 

I have always worried and felt anxious. BUT i never felt a thick head, memory issues, anxiety on waking, pain, illness, DP/ DR. This is what i want to go away. Then i can work on myself better. 

 

I try so hard to remain positive and accept but it just does not let up. Groundhog day every morning because you just know you feel crap and you know its the medication.

 

I feel tormented because i know who i am and my life before this. Its like all i want to do is stop the symptoms and run back to the old me. However, the symptoms keep me in this trap.

[Tweet]

On 8/16/2021 at 2:16 AM, Leo1983 said:

Hi Tweet

 

Thanks for all that. I really appreciate the time you took to write it. 

 

Can i ask something. Are you saying unless i do some work on myself and thoughts etc that i may always feel this way?

 

I have always worried and felt anxious. BUT i never felt a thick head, memory issues, anxiety on waking, pain, illness, DP/ DR. This is what i want to go away. Then i can work on myself better. 

 

I try so hard to remain positive and accept but it just does not let up. Groundhog day every morning because you just know you feel crap and you know its the medication.

 

I feel tormented because i know who i am and my life before this. Its like all i want to do is stop the symptoms and run back to the old me. However, the symptoms keep me in this trap.

Hi Leo. I'm saying that the most positive thing that you can do for yourself right now is take advantage of the self focus to really deal with what got you on the medication to begin with to improve the way you feel now and the way you will feel on the other side of this horrible withdrawal process. I know how you are

suffering and it is a literal hell to go through this, but nonetheless this is where you are. I know for me in the doctor's office that day I was faced with a choice; to take a pill or to do the hard work on the issues that were causing my anxiety and depression. Of course I chose the "easy way" which was the pill and was also the most destructive path.

Go back in your mind at that point in time and think about what problems you told the doctor about and begin to address them without medication. You will likely start to feel better more or less immediately and certainly in the long run your quality of life will be better. If you don't do this, and it is very likely that the depression and anxiety will continue to be a part of your life.

When you are thinking of how you used to be before the medications remember that you are not that same person anymore because you have lived years of your life and you have changed in many ways. Don't have expectations, just do your best to cover all your bases as far as leaving this whole mess behind someday in body and in mind.

LOL! I remember you using the groundhog Day analogy myself. It is so sickening, but keep plodding through. It is you against these destructive drugs. Be determined not to let them win!