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Bayboy - healed and moving forward

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Bayboy
Posted (edited)

ADMIN NOTE Bayboy's Introduction topic is here.

 

Hi, 

 

Its been a year since I jumped, so I thought I'd return and quickly leave an encouraging note of success and healing.  In 2014, I came to this site in distress and looking for answers after horrible withdrawal from discontinuing a benzo, and subsequently trying to escape from the clutches of mirtazapine used to mask that withdrawal.  I was desperate and running out of options as conventional medicine was offering me no relief.  I experienced many of the symptoms discussed on this forum throughout my journey, but these began to dissipate as I SLOWED down and understood it is a process and not a quick fix.  It was, and remains a spiritual journey, and like all real meaningful healing, these things take time.  Once I accepted that and listened to my body, I began to own it and no longer cared how long it took.

 

I won't get into too many specific symptoms but I know sleep is a significant concern for many, as it was for me.  Although, I still get the odd night of broken or shortened sleep, for the most part, it has normalized.  If I wake up in the middle night, I don't really mind, I relax and drift off again eventually.  The cortisol rushes that so many of us experienced or still do, completely resolved and have never returned.  As my CNS began to recover, so many things improved that I lost count.

 

A very special thank you to the members and moderators that I connected with at that time.  I am so very grateful, you have all literally saved my life.  Dave10, Rhi, Wulfgar, dalsaan, mamma P, to name a few off the top of my head, these people were absolute beacons of light and hope.  As I learned to navigate this forum and extract meaningful tools and hacks, I could mitigate a lot of the symptoms.  It is because of the people behind the monikers that I can sit her confidently and write that I have healed from the experience and happily live drug-free.   As we know, life continues to throw curveballs at all of us, but I deal with it much differently now.  Of course I wish it never happened, but in some strange way, I have grown exponentially from it.

 

Finally, thank you Alto.  Without you, this beautiful community would not have been established and I'd still be stuck in some conventional medicine's world of quick fixes and broken promises.  I have and will continue to pay it forward, as I offer assistance where I can to those facing similar experiences in my own community.

 

Wherever you are in your journey, continue to remind yourself that anyone who has healed from the harm these drugs can cause started out just like you.

 

Take Care - I will check in a few times in case anyone has any questions

 

BB

 

Edited by Altostrata
Added admin note

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Altostrata

Thank you for coming back and authoring that lovely success story, Bayboy! It will help a lot of people.

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mirage

@Bayboy THANK YOU for coming back and telling your story. This journey is scary and your story give hope to so many of us. 

 

I have been working through this for, almost 16 months. While I can look back and see that I have improved, quite a lot, it is amazing how many symptoms I still have and how strong they are. My toughest, dizziness, anxiety (cortisol spikes) and sleep. 

 

From what I have read in success stories, people tend to notice the most improvements after a year and a half to 2 years. Can you please shed some light on your journey with that? When did you start to feel like you had turned in the right direction? I keep thinking, sooner or later, that my system will start to recognize normal feelings and things and begin to lean more, in the right direction. I guess that is the windows/waves thing? I am one of those people, that have never had a wave symptom free. But, in windows, things seem lighter. 

 

I have accepted that this is where I am right now and that healing is measured more in patience, time and faith. I go day by day and, at times, hour by hour. I am fortunate in the fact that I can still work, part time and I can go about most of my day normally. It just takes a lot of positive thinking. 

 

Bless you for the light you share. 

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wantrelief

Congratulations, Bayboy!  Thank you for posting your success story.  From your signature it sounds like you've been through a lot....you have accomplished so much!  Your story gives hope to those of us who are far from the finish line.

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Glosmom

Congratulations! Thank you for coming back to offer encouragement it is very uplifting!

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Hibari

Thank you for sharing your story Batboy.  It is so good to know that you made it off of your meds and are feeling well. 

 

Congratulations on staying the course! 

 

 

 

 

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Hopefull
5 hours ago, Bayboy said:

ADMIN NOTE Bayboy's Introduction topic is here.

 

Hi, 

 

Its been a year since I jumped, so I thought I'd return and quickly leave an encouraging note of success and healing.  In 2014, I came to this site in distress and looking for answers after horrible withdrawal from discontinuing a benzo, and subsequently trying to escape from the clutches of mirtazapine used to mask that withdrawal.  I was desperate and running out of options as conventional medicine was offering me no relief.  I experienced many of the symptoms discussed on this forum throughout my journey, but these began to dissipate as I SLOWED down and understood it is a process and not a quick fix.  It was, and remains a spiritual journey, and like all real meaningful healing, these things take time.  Once I accepted that and listened to my body, I began to own it and no longer cared how long it took.

 

I won't get into too many specific symptoms but I know sleep is a significant concern for many, as it was for me.  Although, I still get the odd night of broken or shortened sleep, for the most part, it has normalized.  If I wake up in the middle night, I don't really mind, I relax and drift off again eventually.  The cortisol rushes that so many of us experienced or still do, completely resolved and have never returned.  As my CNS began to recover, so many things improved that I lost count.

 

A very special thank you to the members and moderators that I connected with at that time.  I am so very grateful, you have all literally saved my life.  Dave10, Rhi, Wulfgar, dalsaan, mamma P, to name a few off the top of my head, these people were absolute beacons of light and hope.  As I learned to navigate this forum and extract meaningful tools and hacks, I could mitigate a lot of the symptoms.  It is because of the people behind the monikers that I can sit her confidently and write that I have healed from the experience and happily live drug-free.   As we know, life continues to throw curveballs at all of us, but I deal with it much differently now.  Of course I wish it never happened, but in some strange way, I have grown exponentially from it.

 

Finally, thank you Alto.  Without you, this beautiful community would not have been established and I'd still be stuck in some conventional medicine's world of quick fixes and broken promises.  I have and will continue to pay it forward, as I offer assistance where I can to those facing similar experiences in my own community.

 

Wherever you are in your journey, continue to remind yourself that anyone who has healed from the harm these drugs can cause started out just like you.

 

Take Care - I will check in a few times in case anyone has any questions

 

BB

 

 

Congratulations Bay Boy! Wishing you all the best in your future! Have all your WDS symptoms subsided?

Take care, Hopefull.

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Bayboy

Thanks for the well wishes,

 

Mirage - It appears as if you are doing everything right, keep going.  In terms of healing in my particular case, symptom improvement began while I was still on mirtazapine, because I went very slowly and held in between for extended periods when required.  That's how I knew, I was doing things right.  By the time I jumped, most things had resolved already.  But every month that passes, I can say that my CNS continues to settle down.  An example would be my inability to watch stimulating movies and shows when I first hopped off, that took about 6 months to resolve, but I can now.  Hope that helps.

 

Hopefull - Nice to hear from you again!  I hope things are progressing for you.  In terms of symptoms, I still need to work on sleep a little more and I have a strict routine built around that but I'm not complaining, its pretty good.  The only remaining symptom which I know started when I CT'd the benzo is the eye floaters.  But interestingly, they have either started to dissipate or I hardly notice them as much, they are a non issue.  Unless..., because I know they are tied into cortisol, if I experience a stressor or a poor night of sleep, they are more pronounced for sure.  That's it, everything else is mostly gone.  Some people can return to pre-withdrawal baseline in terms of lifestyle, but I have a built a strict template around lifestyle, nutrition and sleep and adhere to it, because it helped me so much during WD.  But, I am so comfortable now in that space that I would never return to my previous bad habits.  If I do slip up with too much caffeine, alcohol, stay up too late, poor food choices etc., believe me, at this point, it is still self-correcting.  A reminder that I still have work to do.  Hope that makes sense.

 

BB

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mirage

@Bayboy Thank you for answering me. I truly appreciate that. 

 

I am holding at 150xl of Wellbutrin until I get stable. I was on 30mgs Remeron and 300xl Wellbutrin. I weaned completely off the Remeron and from the 300 to 150 on the Wellbutrin. I, originally, ct 300xl Wellbutrin in June of 2017. That is when my journey began. My dr reinstated the Wellbutrin at 150xl but when that wasn't working, we added the Remeron and increased the Wellbutrin. Nothing was working. After finding SA, I realized my cns has already been compromised and the meds were making things worse. That is when I decided to wean. My symptoms are rough so I decided to hold here until I can get things balanced and then I will start over and go very slow. 

 

I know healing is taking place. I am remaining faithful and positive and you coming back to share your journey, is uplifting. Just can not thank you enough. 

 

 

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Liamb123456
11 hours ago, mirage said:

@Bayboy Thank you for answering me. I truly appreciate that. 

 

I am holding at 150xl of Wellbutrin until I get stable. I was on 30mgs Remeron and 300xl Wellbutrin. I weaned completely off the Remeron and from the 300 to 150 on the Wellbutrin. I, originally, ct 300xl Wellbutrin in June of 2017. That is when my journey began. My dr reinstated the Wellbutrin at 150xl but when that wasn't working, we added the Remeron and increased the Wellbutrin. Nothing was working. After finding SA, I realized my cns has already been compromised and the meds were making things worse. That is when I decided to wean. My symptoms are rough so I decided to hold here until I can get things balanced and then I will start over and go very slow. 

 

I know healing is taking place. I am remaining faithful and positive and you coming back to share your journey, is uplifting. Just can not thank you enough. 

 

 

Mirage did you not cold turkey 

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mirage

I did cold turkey in June of 2017. Was on Wellbutrin 300xl for 8 years. In July of 2017, my dr reinstated the med at the dose of 150xl. That wasn't working so it was increased back to 300 and another med, Remeron, was brought in. Nothing was working, of course. I was already too far into withdrawal. The meds were making things worse. 

 

I started weaning from the Remeron and completely got off of that and weaned from the Wellbutrin 300xl. I got to 150 and I am staying there to stabilize. My body is just too upside down to keep going. Both weans were too fast. I was already in withdrawal when I started the weans and things just kept getting worse. Once I get back to a balanced state, then I will continue and complete the wean. 

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bluepm

did  you exercise ?  

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Madeleine

Thank you so much Bayboy for coming back and sharing !  You are an excellent writer and it was a pleasure to read your inspirational story.

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Hibari

Hi Batboy,  

 

What did your pattern of holding look like?  

 

Right now I am trying to stabilize after a cut in June and while it was okay at first with a string of okay days, it now is one day okay, one day horrible.  

I've also had to major stressors in the past two months, which have affected me greatly.  

 

Did you have times of quicker windows and waves in your holds?  

 

Hibari. 

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bluepm

I am  in the same boat  as you just got out off.  I got off   K   five months ago  and  basically c/t off with fast taper it was a tapper. just recently i tried to get of  mert. got down  3.75  mg fast taper over  6 weeks   and crashed went back  7.5 mg my original does I am back 7.5 mg week now  thing at stabilizing . can you give tips how you tapered off  mert  dry cut  and or home made liquid what to look for.

things you did keep clam   and  keep a positive spin . 

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freespirit

Congratulations Bayboy! Sounds like going slowly and taking long holds worked well for you. How are  you doing with regards to the histamine issue?

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PH1

Bayboy,

 

Thank you for sharing this update about your success and recovery.    Your words are an encouragement.  

 

I'm finding that Mirtazapine is quite a challenge to come off of.   When I slow my taper down and listen to my body and symptoms things do get much better.

 

God bless you!

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Bayboy

Hi,

 

Just stopping by to quickly answer some great questions.  I hope I didn't miss anyone.  After I jumped off, yes the histamine issues did correct themselves within a short time frame (thanks for asking Freespirit).

 

As far as holding/ tapering patterns, if you look at my signature, it basically took me just over 3 years to get off 7.5 mg of Mirt after I was stable enough to even begin.  I would generally follow a 6 week pattern before I reduced by roughly 10%, but if I still had symptoms (mainly cortisol and sleep issues), I didn't budge.  My longest hold was 4 months, but , I finally stabilized and resumed the taper.  I was worried that I would never stabilize but it did eventually happen and I knew healing was happening (thanks Hibari)

 

Finally, by taking the 3 years and a bit to jump off safely from a smallish dose, I could function relatively normally and keep the "positive spin" on things.  I knew I was going to make it, if I stayed the course.

 

Thanks PH1 for your kind message.  All the best to you, you will make it.

 

BB 

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RedRobin123

I did a slow taper off abilify. I have been off of this awful drug for 8 weeks. I started having sinus problems and excessive burping at about 5 weeks. Can this be a side effect of weaning off the abilify? Has anyone experienced any of this symptoms? 

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PH1

Congratulations, Bayboy, on getting off of Mirtazapine!    I really enjoy reading your posts.  Thanks for sharing your journey.    I tend to want to go faster than I should, which I know is a common temptation.    Your experience in taking it very slowly at the lower doses has been very helpful and a good reminder for me and I expect for many others.    It's amazing how powerful these drugs are and how they affect us even at such low doses.    Hope all is well with you.

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