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Adili13

Adili13: Paxil withdrawal - questions and concerns

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Longroadhome
On 1/25/2020 at 6:26 PM, Adili13 said:

Oh, I absolutely do haha. Every day is a new set of symptoms with their own challenges. Some get worse, others get better. Then they switch, it’s a total mess. It is definitely non-linear. 

How long have you been holding LRH? 

Adili do you get new symptoms come that you haven’t had before. 
like me with the hives and now this dizziness and neck muscle spasms. 
the reason I ask is that I am obviously not stable hence new symptoms coming and going as well as others ramping up and down in severity.
if you are having the same old same old then that could be your WD normal?  

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Adili13

LRH, I definitely battle this question on a daily basis. I can’t say I have any symptoms that are like BRAND new, but I definitely have symptoms disappear for a long time and then randomly come back, i.e. akathisia. 
 

I had contact with my ex for the first time in a long time yesterday. It was a traumatic and extremely difficult breakup. This alone has thrown me into a kinda trauma fight/flight stare and it’s pretty scary. I think it’s incredible how fragile we are in WD.

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Adili13

@sunnysideup69

 

80 percent improvement after six months is so encouraging! I look to you for inspiration! Hopefully at 6 months I’m somewhere near there!! If even take 70 haha! 

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Sleepan

Hi.  I'm new here.  Reinstatement after 3 months of CT of Amitriptyline.  I'm into my 6 weeks and I'm starting to have drastic changes from one day to the other.  Yesterday, I ache everywhere, headache, zap in the brain, dry eyes, had to fight against negative thoughts and force positive thoughts.  And today, only some confusion and cognitive issues.  One last week, I even had a slight tremor while resting in my chest and the day after, I didn't care and super motivated.  A member told me that symptoms will diminish.  Another member told me to always accept the symptoms , especially insomnia. You seem to do pretty well, you two  @Adili13 @Longroadhome  🌞

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Adili13

@Sleepan

 

Reinstating after cold turkeys can certainly be tricky. I would definitely keep in contact with a moderator and report your symptoms as time goes on. Hopefully, with time, your body will readjust to your dose of the AD and you will be able to taper in a safer manner. Eventually, you will heal and stabilize. It’s just a matter of time and figuring out the right course of action. Thinking about you and sending positive vibes!!! 

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Sleepan

@Adili13  Since I found SA two weeks ago, I am an active member, visiting often the forum, reading active members and various topics.  It's a great Forum with great advices and moderators and veterans are awesome.  My positivity on healing one day in spite of my reckless mistake is stronger than my doubts.  I use food now as if I was diagnosed with cancer.  I do intermittent fasting 16/8 drinking vegetable juices and making one full course healthy meal every day, and I'm ready to do a 3-5 days water fasting.  I did it twice already and it was quite easy, except the 2nd time, I could not sleep as I was already Cold Turkey on Amitriptyline, so I took a little orverdose and it did'nt work, except to make me very weak.  My first big symptoms were out of this world.  I had no idea it was the withdrawal stuff at first.  Then when total insomnia kicked in for 3 weeks, I knew i made a big big mistake.  So after research, I reinstated it. It was chaotic at first, but I found this forum on my 4th wk reinstatement as I was drowning under a wave.  I learned I would have to be patient and careful, yes?

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Longroadhome
2 hours ago, Sleepan said:

Hi.  I'm new here.  Reinstatement after 3 months of CT of Amitriptyline.  I'm into my 6 weeks and I'm starting to have drastic changes from one day to the other.  Yesterday, I ache everywhere, headache, zap in the brain, dry eyes, had to fight against negative thoughts and force positive thoughts.  And today, only some confusion and cognitive issues.  One last week, I even had a slight tremor while resting in my chest and the day after, I didn't care and super motivated.  A member told me that symptoms will diminish.  Another member told me to always accept the symptoms , especially insomnia. You seem to do pretty well, you two  @Adili13 @Longroadhome  🌞

Hello Sleepan 

 

even though you have re instated your CNS is not stable hence lots of symptoms and you may be in protracted WD . I don’t know but you could be ? 
I had dry eyes at the beginning of my taper because I was in poop out  they were soooo bad but they gradually got better so don’t worry yours will too . 
the dips and flows regarding emotions is the nature of  WD beast !!! it comes with the territory. Up and down no two days the same and hope and hopelessness follow on from each other every day . That’s how it is for me anyway . 
but it’s the learning to accept and not be afraid of the symptoms that makes them bearable instead of unbearable . Don’t  run from them stop stay calm and examine each one. Yes they’re unpleasant but they’re not going to kill you so learn to carry on with your day while they are present . And I mean on “dip” days. Days where you feel below par.  
symptoms diminish at a snails pace. But here’s the thing ... they DO diminish in severity .  or they may go and return months down the line or they may ramp up for a while as I have found with tinnitus.  Don’t know why I’ve put it down to being in a wave . Or the 1 step forward 5 steps back recovery path. 
 
Good reading:

Baylissa Frederick Recovery and Renewal 

And anything by Author Claire Weeks 

 

watch The Lovely  Grind on YouTube . 
 

And Healing from Antidepressant patterns of recovery. YouTube. 
 

keep in touch 

LRH 
 

 

 

 

 

 

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Longroadhome
3 hours ago, Adili13 said:

LRH, I definitely battle this question on a daily basis. I can’t say I have any symptoms that are like BRAND new, but I definitely have symptoms disappear for a long time and then randomly come back, i.e. akathisia. 
 

I had contact with my ex for the first time in a long time yesterday. It was a traumatic and extremely difficult breakup. This alone has thrown me into a kinda trauma fight/flight stare and it’s pretty scary. I think it’s incredible how fragile we are in WD.


sounds like your CNS still

needs to stabilise and when symptoms stop returning you can commence tapering once more.

I know exactly what you mean regarding intolerance to stress  . I can’t take any stress at the moment my anxiety symptoms go haywire at the smallest things .but I  have read so many stories of others in the same boat that have since recovered. 
sorry to hear about your break up Adili. How did it go meeting up again ?  

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Adili13

@Longroadhome

 

Well, my parents ran into her at a hospital. Her grandma isn’t doing well.She was with a guy, much older than her, like in his mid 40’s that she introduced as her boyfriend. I thought it would be nice to text her and wish her grandmother well. She was pretty cold/uninterested in talking at all, which definitely was unexpected. I honesty have no interest in getting back with her or anything like that, I just thought we could be friends and move past everything. It was disappointing and has thrown me into a low mood today. Good thing is it isn’t severe and I’m still able to function. 

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Adili13

I can’t let it affect me too much though. Tomorrow I’m meeting with my old boss to discuss coming back to work. I have enough on my plate. 

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Adili13

It’s just frustrating how in WD, the emotional weight of things seem like they take forever to dampen. It’s like all of this happened all over a year ago and the thoughts and memories just trigger so much negative emotion. At times, it’s going to take getting out of WD completely to totally heal from it all. It’s pretty amazing how fragile the sensitized nervous system is. 

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sunnysideup69
13 hours ago, Adili13 said:

@sunnysideup69

 

80 percent improvement after six months is so encouraging! I look to you for inspiration! Hopefully at 6 months I’m somewhere near there!! If even take 70 haha! 

 

Yep, any improvement is good, grab it with both hands :) 

 

Six months ago, I just didn't believe I would ever gain stability again. It'll come, Adili. Don't get me wrong, I still have anxiety, especially in the mornings. But it's lower and manageable, it doesn't stop me from working any more, or from interacting with people. It has lessened AND I have learned to cope with it there. And yes, my nervous system is still fragile, too. I have a much lower stress threshold, I can get upset at the smallest of things, although it's gradually taking me less time to recover.

I think I've learned more about managing anxiety over the last 18 months than in my entire adult life before this all kicked off.

 

I'm cheering you on, Adili.

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Adili13

@sunnysideup69
 Thank you!! I really appreciate all of your encouragement. Hopefully, in the coming months, things just get better and better. I start working again somewhat soon, maybe that’ll even help my healing! 
 

Thanks again for everything, sunnyside, you’re the best.

 


 

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Adili13

Had an amazing day yesterday, in terms of symptoms. I didn’t have much sleep the night before and am wondering if that had anything to do with it. Today I’ve got a lot of akathisia and it’s frustrating me. Just venting. 

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Adili13

Akathisia bad today and nearly constant. Now I’m back to thinking this is tolerance and my body is rejecting the drug. What a terrible roller coaster ride this experience can be. 

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Adili13

Frustrated and feeling stuck these last couple of days. It just feels like stability feels so elusive most days. Taper? Hold? The endless battle. Acceptance is incredibly difficult lately. Venting.

 

 

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Cocopuffz17
12 minutes ago, Adili13 said:

Frustrated and feeling stuck these last couple of days. It just feels like stability feels so elusive most days. Taper? Hold? The endless battle. Acceptance is incredibly difficult lately. Venting.

 

 

Venting is normal. This is such a tough thing to go through. It literally sucks all the positivity and life out of you at times. It will get better. The body is an amazing specimen and is capable of doing so many things! Personally I would hold and stabilize. 
 

Everyday that passes is one day closer to being healed! 

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Markolo1980

Same here. Last few weeks are terrible. Paxil is poison. If it doesn’t settle in following days Im gonna updose. How long did it take for u to “feel” updose taking act?

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Adili13

Thanks coco, always great to hear from you my friend. 


Mark - I had an adverse reaction to updosing. Severe akathisia. It isn’t an option for me. 

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Longroadhome
3 hours ago, Adili13 said:

Frustrated and feeling stuck these last couple of days. It just feels like stability feels so elusive most days. Taper? Hold? The endless battle. Acceptance is incredibly difficult lately. Venting.

 

 

So true 

but we have to find patience. 
soooo very difficult in WD 

keep moving forward Adili recovery is on its way 

not as quick as we would like but she’s there waiting for  you my friend you just can’t see her yet that’s all 

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Adili13

Thanks LRH. In a dark place today. Good to hear from you, my friend 

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Adili13

I don’t understand this akathisia at all. It just popped back up again about a month ago and has been relentless ever since. It’s so hard to tell if holding will hell this. On the other hand, I’m having typical WD symptoms in between aka waves. Ughhhh

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Adili13

I just worry that holding is causing more damage. Idk, maybe it’s totally irrational. 

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Cocopuffz17
44 minutes ago, Adili13 said:

I just worry that holding is causing more damage. Idk, maybe it’s totally irrational. 

Holding is better than CT, if that is what you are implying? I went fast taper and it was hell. I truly believe nutrition is key in healing. Repairing the gut and repairing the damage that these drugs have done. 

Yes, symptoms just pop up out of no where. It's the body healing. It will get better. But if you are eating inflammatory foods it will be harder to get through. 

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Adili13

Thanks Coco. As far as diet goes, some days i do better than others, but overall, I am definitely making an effort. 

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Cocopuffz17
5 minutes ago, Adili13 said:

Thanks Coco. As far as diet goes, some days i do better than others, but overall, I am definitely making an effort. 

That is good! Little bits at a time make a massive difference in the long run! 

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Adili13

Yep, baby steps in every way 

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Adili13

Hi levels of deep fatigue this morning. Like no matter how much I sleep I can’t fee revitalized. It’s worth noting that some days are filled with aka and some are filled with fatigue. I bounce between the two quite frequently.

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Adili13

Severe anhedonia and fatigue today. How does one ever know if this is tolerance or withdrawal. So frustrating 😡😡. My plan is to hold for like 3 more months and if I see no improvement I’m just gonna start tapering again. 

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Cocopuffz17
14 minutes ago, Adili13 said:

Severe anhedonia and fatigue today. How does one ever know if this is tolerance or withdrawal. So frustrating 😡😡. My plan is to hold for like 3 more months and if I see no improvement I’m just gonna start tapering again. 


Sounds like withdrawal to me. Very similar to what happened to me during the worst parts of Paxil WD. I hope it stabilizes for you! Keep strong 

 

Everyday that passes is one day closer to being healed ! 

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Adili13

Thank you coco! I hope so too! Would make things easier. 

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Adili13

Feeling so afraid and alone tonight, kept up by another wave. This journey feels so pointless and interminable most of the time. I’m so afraid of my inability to bounce back, like this is just what I have to live with. Then the SI sets in. Why keep suffering etc etc. If there is anybody out there tonight, I could really use a friend or some encouragement.

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sunnysideup69
17 minutes ago, Adili13 said:

Feeling so afraid and alone tonight, kept up by another wave. This journey feels so pointless and interminable most of the time. I’m so afraid of my inability to bounce back, like this is just what I have to live with. Then the SI sets in. Why keep suffering etc etc. If there is anybody out there tonight, I could really use a friend or some encouragement.

Adili, honestly, this won't be forever. I'm just about to go for a long walk, but will be around the rest of the day...(night for you.) Offering you my hand...it's a bit shaky, but please take it. You're not alone.

You're just over three months out from your last drop....I'm here to remind you that it's not that long, although right now it seems like forever. It can take a while to stabilise, as you know. Just hang in there, you're not going through this alone.

You are going to bounce back but it's never as fast as we would like, unfortunately.

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Adili13

Sunnyside, you’re such a good person. I know how much you’re struggling yourself, you really are kindness personified. Your response made me tear up a bit because I know how much you’re struggling and you still managed to reach out. Thank you, my friend. You will be ok too. This whole journey just seems intolerable at times, and then it becomes tolerable again for a bit. Back and forth, repeat. The only silver lining is the good people you get to meet that help lift you up as much as they can. It truly makes you feel the bond between all of us that have dealt with this terror. 

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sunnysideup69
1 minute ago, Adili13 said:

Sunnyside, you’re such a good person. I know how much you’re struggling yourself, you really are kindness personified. Your response made me tear up a bit because I know how much you’re struggling and you still managed to reach out. Thank you, my friend. You will be ok too. This whole journey just seems intolerable at times, and then it becomes tolerable again for a bit. Back and forth, repeat. The only silver lining is the good people you get to meet that help lift you up as much as they can. It truly makes you feel the bond between all of us that have dealt with this terror. 

I don't know where I'd be without you guys.

 

I've also had to swallow my pride in the outside world and tell friends I'm struggling. Thank you for reminding me I'll be okay. This WD thing is a nightmare, beyong intolerable....and yet you will survive it and so will I, and one day it will be hardly a memory. When I was feeling better in January, I honestly started to forget how bad I'd been feeling. It happens. Time heals. Going walking now, but will be back in an hour :) 

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Adili13

Yes, your reminders that things get better are very uplifting. I know, you were doing so well such a short time ago! Just goes to show how much something very upsetting can throw us off, but your body will get back to baseline again soon enough. As you yourself said, time heals. I hope you enjoy your walk, thanks again for stopping by :).

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