trenace: is this serious withdrawal after a year?

[trenace]

11 hours ago, DataGuy said:

It is normal to get wrapped up in yourself in withdrawal. As you get better you'll find you become much more thoughtful of other people's situations. I would say any improvement is better. The stages I went through in withdrawal was 1) hoping I wouldn't die  2) hoping I would someday get better  3) frustrated that I wasn't getting better fast enough  4) confident I would get better and was ok with the fact that it would take awhile. (Well not entirely ok, but much more at ease than before).

 

I think you will find that as you see improvements, you will begin to relax a bit. It will likely be a long haul, but once you are firmly on the right track and have a good understanding of what recovery takes (and what to avoid), it will be self-sustaining. It's good that you are keeping this thread updated. That way you can check to see what has worked and what didn't work for you. Very important because it can sometimes be hard to remember how you felt a few weeks ago, what you did in response and how your body reacted to that. 

What gets me down is the time its taken, I'm in my 4th year and still have so many disabling symptoms. I think i was at stage 4 before my dietary setback and now im back at square one again. I had almost no anxiety and no depression no physical agitation too. I'm just trying to get through the day it seems. I've not read about anyone similar to me neither so i feel as if im lost.

[ChessieCat]

Please add the start and stop dates for both of your drugs.  Please leave cold turkey but delete the number of months.  Thank you.

 

From your drug signature:

 

Fluanxol dosage n/a - 6 months cold turkey

Sertraline 100mg - 10 months cold turkey

 

 

Please check out this area of the site.  Even if other members' experiences aren't the same as your own, it can be helpful to read positive stories about some of the people who have managed to get off their drug/s:

 

success-stories-recovery-from-withdrawal

[trenace]

4 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Please add the start and stop dates for both of your drugs.  Please leave cold turkey but delete the number of months.  Thank you.

 

From your drug signature:

 

Fluanxol dosage n/a - 6 months cold turkey

Sertraline 100mg - 10 months cold turkey

 

 

Please check out this area of the site.  Even if other members' experiences aren't the same as your own, it can be helpful to read positive stories about some of the people who have managed to get off their drug/s:

 

success-stories-recovery-from-withdrawal

I actually don't know the start and stop dates though? I know i took fluanxol for a few months and sertraline for just under a year. I'd just be guessing. Should i just put my estimate?

[trenace]

Just updating myself. I had full on sleep paralysis this morning with nightmares and panic and palpitations but once it passed my anxiety eased and by the afternoon it was as if i couldn't even relate to the fear anymore. It was a really nice window with good positive emotions which i havent had for a while. Felt agitated in the evening tho but that eased off an now i feel pretty good. Tired but good. Had my walk and kind of want to just sit and feel calm lol. Eaten rice and potatoes with meat all day. Also eaten 3 chocolates between meals which I'm sure is playing a big part in keeping my moods stable. All things considered its been a really good day but i know how this process is so im trying to mentally prepare for tmrw.

[ChessieCat]

On 7/4/2020 at 1:15 AM, trenace said:

I actually don't know the start and stop dates though? I know i took fluanxol for a few months and sertraline for just under a year. I'd just be guessing. Should i just put my estimate?

 

Month and year if possible please.  If you don't know the month do you know roughly what time of year (early, mid, late), but please don't state season because this is a worldwide website and it gets very confusing for the "other hemisphere" 😉

 

Leave what is there but add the additional information so we have some sort of timeframe.

 

Thanks.

[DataGuy]

5 hours ago, trenace said:

Just updating myself. I had full on sleep paralysis this morning with nightmares and panic and palpitations but once it passed my anxiety eased and by the afternoon it was as if i couldn't even relate to the fear anymore. It was a really nice window with good positive emotions which i havent had for a while. Felt agitated in the evening tho but that eased off an now i feel pretty good. Tired but good. Had my walk and kind of want to just sit and feel calm lol. Eaten rice and potatoes with meat all day. Also eaten 3 chocolates between meals which I'm sure is playing a big part in keeping my moods stable. All things considered its been a really good day but i know how this process is so im trying to mentally prepare for tmrw.

 

That is great to hear, Trenace. In my acute withdrawal I would often feel so bad I thought there was no way I could get to sleep. But usually it just seemed to pass away for no discernible reason. Sometimes, I have noticed that if I have a particularly bad day, I will actually sleep better (I assume because I'm more tired). So it is a good to know that often these panic / anxiety / CNS states simply disappear on their own. That can be very helpful when dealing with them. Glad to hear you had a good day. Many more ahead!

[trenace]

2 hours ago, DataGuy said:

 

That is great to hear, Trenace. In my acute withdrawal I would often feel so bad I thought there was no way I could get to sleep. But usually it just seemed to pass away for no discernible reason. Sometimes, I have noticed that if I have a particularly bad day, I will actually sleep better (I assume because I'm more tired). So it is a good to know that often these panic / anxiety / CNS states simply disappear on their own. That can be very helpful when dealing with them. Glad to hear you had a good day. Many more ahead!

I can relate to sleeping better when having a really bad day. I've experienced the same thing. I had bad dreams as usual last night but i woke with very minor palpitations and anxiety that eased almost immediatley, which feels amazing. Feel like sleeping all day when i know im not going to wake up terrified. I'm going to take it easy and just relax all day. I have a habit of fearing the symptoms before they come up. I bet its common to do that.

[trenace]

8 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Month and year if possible please.  If you don't know the month do you know roughly what time of year (early, mid, late), but please don't state season because this is a worldwide website and it gets very confusing for the "other hemisphere" 😉

 

Leave what is there but add the additional information so we have some sort of timeframe.

 

Thanks.

Okay ChessieCat I'm pretty sure i remember the years and rough times. Ill update it now.

[trenace]

8 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Month and year if possible please.  If you don't know the month do you know roughly what time of year (early, mid, late), but please don't state season because this is a worldwide website and it gets very confusing for the "other hemisphere" 😉

 

Leave what is there but add the additional information so we have some sort of timeframe.

 

Thanks.

How do i add stuff to my drug history? I don't know where to click lol

[ChessieCat]

This link goes straight to your own signature.  Remember to click Save after you have changed added information.

 

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

[trenace]

Well, since Monday all my emotions have just been cycling. I always wake up with palpitations and fear and my mood has just been switching rapidly from fear to anger to depression. No windows this week really just wanted to write this down somewhere. Sometimes the emotions are physical as well. Right now feels like a weight in my head DR  and suicidal depression wanted to write it rather than ring Samaritans because i can't really hold a convo like this. Im in a constant state of disbelief that ive lasted this long. I had a nightmare where im trying to sprint up a hill and i keep sliding back down, Hope it doesn't become a recurring one. Woke up with much worse DR. Don't really know how to stop this depression i can't focus on video games might try eating chocolate sometimes that helps

[trenace]

Also when i get my rage and anxiety attacks my sex drive rises. I don't mean in a normal way either. It literally skyrockets to a level i didn't think was possible. Has anyone heard of this symptom before. When im in a good mood my sex drive reduces to almost being non existent. 

[DataGuy]

Hi @trenace

 

Thanks for the updates. If you feel like you are especially wound up this week, have you tried any coping techniques like meditation, deep breathing, yoga etc? If you want, you can try to insert one into your daily routine for a few minutes to see if it helps. I'm not sure what you have tried so far, but usually people can find at least a couple things that ease their nervous system and dampen their symptoms. I usually exercise when my system gets too wound up, but I will sometimes do deep breathing (really just filling my lungs to the max and then breathing out slowly). It does seem to help. Guided meditation has also been helpful.

 

The sex drive is moderated by many neurotransmitter systems, so if those systems are thrown out of whack, it's very possible that they can produce a state of hyper-arousal, which could result in increased sex drive. Dopamine, serotonin, GABA...there are many systems involved.

[trenace]

Hi, hope your well Data guy. Ill look through the techniques and see if i can find anything that helps. Deep breathing today is going to be difficult I've got shortness of breath and im very irritable and already had an outburst, although my mood overall seems manageable so far. Yeah it seems my neurotransmitters are doing as they please atm. Completley and totally out of whack. Im trying light exercise in short bursts to see what i can handle but my upper body joints and ligaments seem to pop crackle and hurt afterwards. And it also seems to make me feel horrendous if i over do it. Gna try light for now

[ChessieCat]

12 hours ago, trenace said:

Deep breathing today is going to be difficult I've got shortness of breath

 

I have found that when I feel panicky about breathing it is better to just do relaxed breathing, not holding the breath or breathing in/our for a set amount of time/counts.  I just sit in a comfortable position and concentration on the movement of my stomach whilst breathing in and out as I can.  Sometimes you might find that you take a deeper breath and breathe out immediately.  It's more about the relaxing than the breathing but using the breathing rhythm as a tool to help relax.  I hope what I written makes sense.

 

You might find that using a video or music with somebody talking might be more helpful for you.

 

One of the SA members created these 2 videos, a longer one and a shorter one:

 

Video:  Relaxing Calm - Progressive Muscle Relaxation - with music (15 minutes)
 

Video:  Relaxing Rolldown - quick relaxation exercise with music (4 minutes)

[trenace]

On 7/12/2020 at 2:41 AM, ChessieCat said:

 

I have found that when I feel panicky about breathing it is better to just do relaxed breathing, not holding the breath or breathing in/our for a set amount of time/counts.  I just sit in a comfortable position and concentration on the movement of my stomach whilst breathing in and out as I can.  Sometimes you might find that you take a deeper breath and breathe out immediately.  It's more about the relaxing than the breathing but using the breathing rhythm as a tool to help relax.  I hope what I written makes sense.

 

You might find that using a video or music with somebody talking might be more helpful for you.

 

One of the SA members created these 2 videos, a longer one and a shorter one:

 

Video:  Relaxing Calm - Progressive Muscle Relaxation - with music (15 minutes)
 

Video:  Relaxing Rolldown - quick relaxation exercise with music (4 minutes)

I think that's a good idea because a lot of the time, its all i can manage anyways. It was my birthday yesterday and it didn't go too bad, i had brain dog and DR and quite a bit of fatigue throughout and woke up quite bad but no terrible anxiety or depression so i was able to function in front of family and a coouple friends. Today i didn't have any waking up symptoms other than some slight agitation and adrenaline rushes that eased off earlier afternoon. No cortisol spikes which is always good. Quite bad brain fog tho which has also lessened slightly. Moods also quite stable right if a bit flat but its okay. Seems like everyday can be totally unpredictable. Gna go for a walk later tonight and just enjoy being calm for the time being lol.

[Erell]

4 hours ago, trenace said:

 Gna go for a walk later tonight and just enjoy being calm for the time being lol.

 

Hello Trenace,

I've seen several people here, myself included, mentioning that walking on the evening could increase anxiety and agitation, while walking in the morning sometimes helps with cortisol and anxiety.

 

Have you tried to take a walk on morning rather than evening?

 

Just suggesting, maybe you have already found out what is best for you ☺

 

Wish you a nice walk ☀️

[trenace]

On 7/13/2020 at 7:46 PM, Erell said:

 

Hello Trenace,

I've seen several people here, myself included, mentioning that walking on the evening could increase anxiety and agitation, while walking in the morning sometimes helps with cortisol and anxiety.

 

Have you tried to take a walk on morning rather than evening?

 

Just suggesting, maybe you have already found out what is best for you ☺

 

Wish you a nice walk ☀️

Hey Errel hope you're good and thank you for the well wishes. I normally go in the evening because my energy levels are usually improved by then. During the day I swing back and forth between exhausted and wired and sometimes my mood is so terrible that I can't even manage to get out n about. Having said all that I do have some good news. Im in the third day of a window! Two days ago woke with no panic mood stayed back n forth but by the evening I was well enough to spend time with a friend who's visiting me because hes heard im unwell. I struggled to sleep that night and dread the morning after. Anyways he stayed iver and yesterday i woke with very minor panic and managed to spend the entire day with him with no issues except mild fatigue which turned to major fatigue in the evening but he left by then and I slept almost immediately. Woke a few times tho had zero nightmares and woke with no panic again today. I was pretty much still dealing with DR and brainfog throughout his visit but I could feel good emotions and hold long convos. And even today my energy is good and so is my mood although the brainfog and DR are still here. I had bareable inner agitation earlier but its gone now. 

[trenace]

Oh and I think yestrdayss fatigue and DR was made worse by a travel sickness tablet i take for long drives as me and another friend had to take my friend to the train station a couple hours away. I normally get the side effects of dry mouth and sleepiness. But yesterday after taking the tablet these side effects were amplified as well as much more pronounced DR and even confusion so im going to avoid long drives because the tablets make me feel pretty bad.

[Erell]

22 hours ago, trenace said:

 I normally go in the evening because my energy levels are usually improved by then. 

Yes we need to do what feels best

Can also be nice to walk in the calm of evenings.

 

22 hours ago, trenace said:

Having said all that I do have some good news. Im in the third day of a window! 

 

And yay to this window ! ❤️ 

 

Take care.

[DataGuy]

On 7/15/2020 at 10:44 AM, trenace said:

Hey Errel hope you're good and thank you for the well wishes. I normally go in the evening because my energy levels are usually improved by then. During the day I swing back and forth between exhausted and wired and sometimes my mood is so terrible that I can't even manage to get out n about. Having said all that I do have some good news. Im in the third day of a window! Two days ago woke with no panic mood stayed back n forth but by the evening I was well enough to spend time with a friend who's visiting me because hes heard im unwell. I struggled to sleep that night and dread the morning after. Anyways he stayed iver and yesterday i woke with very minor panic and managed to spend the entire day with him with no issues except mild fatigue which turned to major fatigue in the evening but he left by then and I slept almost immediately. Woke a few times tho had zero nightmares and woke with no panic again today. I was pretty much still dealing with DR and brainfog throughout his visit but I could feel good emotions and hold long convos. And even today my energy is good and so is my mood although the brainfog and DR are still here. I had bareable inner agitation earlier but its gone now. 

 

That is great news, @trenace, and happy belated birthday! Glad you are seeing a bit of progress. 

[trenace]

On 7/16/2020 at 1:55 PM, Erell said:

Yes we need to do what feels best

Can also be nice to walk in the calm of evenings.

 

 

And yay to this window ! ❤️ 

 

Take care.

Thank you, everybody seems radically different and on their own journeys. Its really strange.

[trenace]

8 hours ago, DataGuy said:

 

That is great news, @trenace, and happy belated birthday! Glad you are seeing a bit of progress. 

Thank you for the birthday message, I had a couple of rough patches yesterday but overall i managed okay. Today i woke with panic and palpitations but it passed within a half hour. Other than some major fatigue and sleepiness after my first meal, today's been good too. Im dealing with DR pretty much constantly but i went out with my friends and was okay energy wise and my mood was good. Really enjoyed it. Going to walk a bit later with another friend later on. 

[trenace]

Okay, today's been horrendous. Woke with minor panic but felt agitated and in a terrible ruminating mood all day. Light exercise didn't help and a nap made it worse (had pretty terrible nightmares too) Then in the evening i finally broke down and cried for 3 hours heads aching from it. Had a feeling of uselessness and jealousy for better health that i couldn't shake. The symptoms feel so chemicals and coping strategies dont help . Well they do momentarily but after 8 + hours I'm pretty sure anyone would break down. Awful, awful awful day. Its just calmed now slightly but feel down and just want to sleep forever.

[DataGuy]

21 hours ago, trenace said:

Okay, today's been horrendous. Woke with minor panic but felt agitated and in a terrible ruminating mood all day. Light exercise didn't help and a nap made it worse (had pretty terrible nightmares too) Then in the evening i finally broke down and cried for 3 hours heads aching from it. Had a feeling of uselessness and jealousy for better health that i couldn't shake. The symptoms feel so chemicals and coping strategies dont help . Well they do momentarily but after 8 + hours I'm pretty sure anyone would break down. Awful, awful awful day. Its just calmed now slightly but feel down and just want to sleep forever.

 

Sorry to hear, @trenace. Hope you are feeling better. I don't think it's uncommon to have terrible days like that, even a few years out. My last month or so has been pretty tough. My sleep has gotten quite a bit worse and I've had some bad stomach problems. I have had plenty of days where I got very little done. It's always hard to say what is causing it, but can be useful to think: did you eat something unusual or do anything unusual the previous day? Had you been doing a bit more than you usually do the previous few days? Did anything happen that may have caused stress? Hopefully it is just a wave and you will bounce back within a relatively short period.

[trenace]

4 minutes ago, DataGuy said:

 

Sorry to hear, @trenace. Hope you are feeling better. I don't think it's uncommon to have terrible days like that, even a few years out. My last month or so has been pretty tough. My sleep has gotten quite a bit worse and I've had some bad stomach problems. I have had plenty of days where I got very little done. It's always hard to say what is causing it, but can be useful to think: did you eat something unusual or do anything unusual the previous day? Had you been doing a bit more than you usually do the previous few days? Did anything happen that may have caused stress? Hopefully it is just a wave and you will bounce back within a relatively short period.

The previous day i actually ate two meals that i definitely shouldnt have. Both fast food and extremely unhealthy. Can a food reaction show a day later? I did more than usual too. Tbh I'm leaning more towards the meals I had. I've got a skin rash in various areas of my body and I'm sure its because of my digestive issues so I'm trying to keep my diet bland and didn't stick to it. Other than that my mood has settled very slightly not suicidal right now so that's good. And my physio has said that i wont be needing surgery so that's good news. I just need to strengthen my rota cuff. 

[DataGuy]

How are you doing @trenace?

[trenace]

On 9/11/2020 at 4:07 PM, DataGuy said:

How are you doing @trenace?

Hi dataguy hope your okay. I don't know what to say lol. I've actually had windows I think where symptoms aren't as bad. I've been able to go out and do stuff in short patches. It feels like everything is all over the place with my body and mind. The past few days I've alternated sometimes minute by minute from severely depressed to incredibly upbeat then panicking and scared so it's hard to plan stuff. My sex drive over the past three days has shot up to incredibly high but today I've had bad anxiety and my sex drive has gone down again. Honestly it feels as if everything is misfiring. Everyday and sometimes every hour is totally different. The positives are tho that even tho I've had derealization I've had windows where I can laugh joke and smile and go out.

[trenace]

The sex drive thing was really bad though because I couldn't control it and my thoughts then became sexual too, felt like my own body was violating me, and my penis was literally aching nonstop.

[trenace]

I know I keep rambling but I don't think any symptom has actually left for good in these past four years. Theyre just not constant now. Like I'm in a window now so I might try a little exercise because my energy seems okay. Oh and I forgot, during my windows that I had my video game distractions were just boring to me so I ended up ringing a lot of my friends that I hadn't seen for ages and they were really happy to hear from me. Maybe my brains trying to find a balance. I forget about the good times as soon as the bad times come back. 

[Altostrata]

Hello, trenace.

 

On the plus side, it seems you have had some changes for the better. So there has been some gradual improvement, would you say? AND you reconnected with your friends, that's a bonus.

 

When did your symptoms change from PSSD to PGAD?

 

Have you tried fish oil and magnesium supplements? See
https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Many people find them helpful. You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

 

 

[trenace]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

Hello, trenace.

 

On the plus side, it seems you have had some changes for the better. So there has been some gradual improvement, would you say? AND you reconnected with your friends, that's a bonus.

 

When did your symptoms change from PSSD to PGAD?

 

Have you tried fish oil and magnesium supplements? See
https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Many people find them helpful. You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

 

 

Hey Alto, I'd say I'm more functional during a good period then I've been in the past because in the past my good period consists of not screaming and shouting whereas now I'm more functional and social although on a very small scale, and for short periods. It seems any symptom can crop up at any time though, none have left permanantly and they're still incredibly severe almost acute. My pssd alternates from pssd to pgad constantly but it has only begun in the past two days. Before that it was just pssd. The connecting with friends is great and it's something I try holding onto for encouragement and some kind of progress although alot of the time it feels I've made none. Erm, my plan of action is to pray and hope I see a big change and when I do I'm going to set about healing my gut which is absolutely messed. It behaves however it wants it seems whether I eat the same food or not Ive not touched magnesium since a terrible reaction early last year. And tbh I don't want to go near it again.

[Altostrata]

Well, you've made progress, which is good news.

 

The PSSD-PGAD switch may mean that system is getting organized again.

[trenace]

4 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Well, you've made progress, which is good news.

 

The PSSD-PGAD switch may mean that system is getting organized again.

Yeah I guess that's true although life still feels like a huge battle I'm fighting.

I hope my systems getting organised, because mentally and physically everything just feels wrong. The symptoms are really extreme and when I'm in a good mood i feel amazing and then suddenly I'm suicidally depressed and aroused lol. It's so far beyond ridiculous I can't even explain.

[DataGuy]

Great to hear from you @trenace.

 

You do sound a bit better. I'm glad you are having windows. I have heard of some people who claim to never have them, especially in benzo withdrawal. Also terrific that you have connected with friends. I'm sure they were happy to hear from you. It would be great if you could keep in contact as much as you can, we are social creatures, after all. 

 

I am sorry about your stomach. I know all about that stuff, unfortunately. I lost a lot of weight in my acute phase and thought I might die surrounded by food. My stomach didn't work at all. Sorry if I've already told you this. Anyway, I've gained about 40lbs since then. My stomach is still messed up, no question, but it's a bit more tolerable and works a bit better. Sometimes it feels like it is expanding into my chest and putting pressure on my heart, and that is horrible. Sometimes I will also wake up in the middle of the night and be sick to my stomach, and that is usually when I have eaten too many carbs. It is happening less often, though, and I'm able to eat a larger variety of things now. The part of the nervous system that controls your stomach should return to normal with the rest of the system. When that happens, who knows, but hopefully soon. 

 

The wild fluctuations are annoying. I have had them too. Plenty of days where I would wake up feeling great and then things would start going south by noon, usually because of something I ate. Or I would wake up feeling terrible and then end up feeling better later in the day. Very frustrating when you can't predict how you'll feel in a few hours, but you will at least learn to flow with it and deal with it. As for the increased sex drive, that is a pretty standard fare for SSRI withdrawal, I think. Hopefully it fades as the receptors adapt back to normal. 

 

Keep holding on to those good feelings and I hope the windows get longer and longer!

[trenace]

8 hours ago, DataGuy said:

Great to hear from you @trenace.

 

You do sound a bit better. I'm glad you are having windows. I have heard of some people who claim to never have them, especially in benzo withdrawal. Also terrific that you have connected with friends. I'm sure they were happy to hear from you. It would be great if you could keep in contact as much as you can, we are social creatures, after all. 

 

I am sorry about your stomach. I know all about that stuff, unfortunately. I lost a lot of weight in my acute phase and thought I might die surrounded by food. My stomach didn't work at all. Sorry if I've already told you this. Anyway, I've gained about 40lbs since then. My stomach is still messed up, no question, but it's a bit more tolerable and works a bit better. Sometimes it feels like it is expanding into my chest and putting pressure on my heart, and that is horrible. Sometimes I will also wake up in the middle of the night and be sick to my stomach, and that is usually when I have eaten too many carbs. It is happening less often, though, and I'm able to eat a larger variety of things now. The part of the nervous system that controls your stomach should return to normal with the rest of the system. When that happens, who knows, but hopefully soon. 

 

The wild fluctuations are annoying. I have had them too. Plenty of days where I would wake up feeling great and then things would start going south by noon, usually because of something I ate. Or I would wake up feeling terrible and then end up feeling better later in the day. Very frustrating when you can't predict how you'll feel in a few hours, but you will at least learn to flow with it and deal with it. As for the increased sex drive, that is a pretty standard fare for SSRI withdrawal, I think. Hopefully it fades as the receptors adapt back to normal. 

 

Keep holding on to those good feelings and I hope the windows get longer and longer!

Thank u dataguy, yeh that's what I'm trying to do just hold on to the good moments as much as I can. It's hard to imagine recovery lol, especially when everything's all over the place. I'm gna try stick with it