Sertramean: Recovered from 17 years of SSRI's

[Sertramean]

Hello Everyone,

 

I always intended to return when I felt that my recovery was at such a stage as to be no longer the main focus of my existence. For me that was a sign of 'success'. I probably reached that point over a year ago. This was my original thread in 'Intro's and Updates'. 

 

Like others my withdrawal developed in clear stages:-

 

Months 0-3: Nausea, sweating, increased energy etc

 

Months 4 - 12: everything listed in my topic. Hell on earth. My topic doesn't do it justice.

 

Months 12 onwards: The major symptoms (acute anxiety, suicidal ideation, chronic fatigue, intense rage, an inability to function at any level as a human being) are gone. 

 

Residual issues: my sleep is lighter and more broken than it was whilst on the AD's and pre AD's. Memory problems relating to name recall. Neither issue impacts my quality of life to any great degree.

 

Today? I feel well, my pre-drug personality has been fully restored (for better and worse) and I deal with the emotional problems that first led me to the drugs with exercise and a well-practised shrug of the shoulders. If that fails the odd hour of stewing in a pot of my own self-pity never did me any harm! Those days are thankfully rare and are alleviated by a swift kick to my own ample arse😃

 

I always thought I'd write more in my 'success story' but my ordeal feels very much a part of my past now. Things have returned to normal... 'normal' in this case meaning being free from the maelstrom of chemically-induced madness that is acute withdrawal from an SSRI.  Looking back that is the only way to accurately describe it. 

 

My only advice (if I may be so bold) is to never ever think what you are going through will stay the same.  There will be deep despair and flickers of hope. There will be false dawns and genuine improvements. REGARDLESS, YOU WILL GET BETTER. It just takes time.  As a wise-owl once wrote on here 'it takes at least a year' if you cold-turkey from these drugs after prolonged use.  That's pretty much what it took for me to return to a sense of normality. The improvements in the 2nd year off the drugs were immeasurable. 

 

As Claire Weekes once wrote about recovery from nervous breakdown (and which equally applies to withdrawal-induced breakdown IMHO):

 

    "Once you are on the right road to recovery, recovery is inevitable, however protracted your illness may have been" 

 

If anyone has any questions I'm more than happy to answer them. I know how much I needed some perspective and reassurance when I was in the pit of despair. 

 

For those who supported me in my thread you will never know how much I needed and appreciated it. A huge heartfelt thanks. 

 

A huge thanks also to the owners and the mods who do such a selfless and brilliant job. 

.

To everyone else. Keep going. It will come right.

 

xxx

 

[apace41]

Congrats, Sert!  Great news.

 

Thank you for sharing.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Sertramean]

Thanks Andy. You were very much in my thoughts when I wrote that. This withdrawal thing is a very lonely journey. Your messages of support meant the world to me. 

[mirage]

CONGRATULATIONS @Sertramean! Such wonderful news! 

 

I am 15 months into my journey. I have had a lot improve, but I am still pretty far from healed. I would say I am about 65% back. It is amazing to look back, a year ago, and to see how many horrible awful symptoms I had. Can you remember when you started seeing and feeling more like yourself? When you, sort of, turned the corner? 

 

Within the past 2 weeks my waves have become a bit lighter. Still tough but definitely lighter. 

 

Thank you for coming back and telling your story. It gives us hope. 

[apace41]

2 hours ago, Sertramean said:

This withdrawal thing is a very lonely journey. Your messages of support meant the world to me. 

 

If I did anything to help you, I'm pleased.  You've done famously getting to where you are.

 

Enjoy the new season of football, my friend.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Hibari]

Thank you for coming back and updating us.

 

Updates like yours keep me going.

 

Hibari

[Sertramean]

2 hours ago, mirage said:

CONGRATULATIONS @Sertramean! Such wonderful news! 

 

I am 15 months into my journey. I have had a lot improve, but I am still pretty far from healed. I would say I am about 65% back. It is amazing to look back, a year ago, and to see how many horrible awful symptoms I had. Can you remember when you started seeing and feeling more like yourself? When you, sort of, turned the corner? 

 

Within the past 2 weeks my waves have become a bit lighter. Still tough but definitely lighter. 

 

Thank you for coming back and telling your story. It gives us hope. 

 

Hi Mirage. I think my turning point came at about where you are now. It's all a bit of a haze and without my topic I'd be struggling to recollect. All I really remember was my first year was hell. Apart from medical professionals and my Mum I hardly saw a soul for the 12 months. I'd go weeks without leaving my house. I started to gain confidence when my physical symptoms started to disappear. The DP/DR, the shaking, the head pressure, the dizziness, the kaleidoscope vision, the fatigue had all mainly gone by then, or at least greatly reduced. 

 

It was in the 2nd year that the psychological symptoms also started to disappear. Going back to work really helped. I was still really fragile mentally in my 2nd year but my mind started to calm and my confidence return. The anxiety reduced and the chemical depression started to abate.  Both these things could still rear up but the intensity was gone.

 

I still get depression now, but it is a low-level sadness than can last a few weeks. I've always had it and it never stopped me functioning (other people don't even really notice).  The chemical depression on the other hand was intense and would just floor me. The crying and the despair were unreal. The Crisis Team in my first year off classed me as having 'severe' depression.  The anxiety was also beyond description. 

 

'65%' resonates. I was probably at that point when I returned to work. The rest came when I was integrated back in a normal environment. I still had my moments and I think it's the emotional difficulties that stayed with me the longest. Especially being mad at the world, but that got better: the chemical rage turned to chemical anger which then became a seething resentment for what had happened to me. Even that has now subsided. I just look back with a sigh, a little shake of the head and a shrug of the shoulders these days, if I look back at all. That will eventually happen to you. 

 

The fact you're seeing improvements is a sure sign you are on your way. I'm guessing the intensity of your symptoms has lessened over time and some symptoms have just faded away completely? If so that's exactly what happened to me. Timescales are obviously different for everyone (I learnt never to compare my recovery to others because we're all very different) but from reading on here the pattern seems to be the same: Symptoms lessen in intensity and then eventually disappear. Some take weeks to go, some take months, some take years. I think I'm just left with a few sleep and memory problems now after 3.5 years off. Not ideal but a million times better than I ever imagined.

 

You've got a lot of improvements to come Mirage. Like you say you now look back in amazement at the horrible symptoms you had a year ago. I did the same. In another year you'll look back to where you are now and notice other things have improved. The improvements may change in focus (I don't think anything compares to that first year for sheer intensity) but they will still be noticeable and measurable. Then again your greatest improvements may come at 18 months or 3 years. Everyone recovers at a different speed . 

 

Your last line means a lot to me, so thank you. I read this forum ( and especially the success stories) over and over again when I was at my worst. I too wanted hope. I was desperate.  I thought recovery would never happen to me. That's why I've come back. Recovery did happen in the end.

 

I look forward to reading your recovery story. It will happen.

 

[Lloyd]

Congrats on the recovery and thanks for coming back and posting, its great to read these as they give us all hope!!

[Shep]

14 hours ago, Sertramean said:

Today? I feel well, my pre-drug personality has been fully restored (for better and worse) and I deal with the emotional problems that first led me to the drugs with exercise and a well-practised shrug of the shoulders. If that fails the odd hour of stewing in a pot of my own self-pity never did me any harm! Those days are thankfully rare and are alleviated by a swift kick to my own ample arse😃

 

 

This is beautiful, Sertramean, and shows a great sense of humor shining through.  You no doubt will go on to have a great drug-free life.

 

14 hours ago, Sertramean said:

As Claire Weekes once wrote about recovery from nervous breakdown (and which equally applies to withdrawal-induced breakdown IMHO):

 

    "Once you are on the right road to recovery, recovery is inevitable, however protracted your illness may have been" 

 

This is one of those posts that screams - "print out!" to read over and over when it's needed.

 

Thank you for coming back and posting a success story and giving us all a much-needed ray of hope. Best of luck to you in the future. 

[moodyblues78]

19 hours ago, Sertramean said:

 

As Claire Weekes once wrote about recovery from nervous breakdown (and which equally applies to withdrawal-induced breakdown IMHO):

 

    "Once you are on the right road to recovery, recovery is inevitable, however protracted your illness may have been" 

 

Yay! Weekes knew what she was talking about.

[bubble]

Sertamean, thank you for coming back and sharing great news with us. It means a lot.

 

Yesterday I had a very bad day and an even worse night. I came across your post and read through the whole thread. And I laughed, in the middle of the night, like I haven't in ages. You didn't lose your humour even in the worst of nightmares. Very happy for you!

[SupahSet]

@Sertramean It's so awesome to hear of your recovery!

 

What was the scariest symptoms you faced along the way, and how did you cope with those?

[gigi63]

Sertramean, congratulations to you!!!!  Oh the deep joy you must be feeling.  I am still recovering and at 28.5 mos in. It is a very slow process and I have wondered , “ will I ever get there? “.  Yes, thankfully there are improvements!!!  The process , the journey it can feel so long.  I have both the physical and the emotional difficulties but their intensity has improved overall. Thank you for coming back to give even more testimony that yes, healing does come!!!!  Thank you so much!!!  God Bless you.  

[bgoggles1]

Congrats on your recovery!! So glad to hear another positive success story. We so need more of those. I was just wondering if you dealt with pretty bad head symptoms such as dizziness, brain pressure, severe pains in the head such as migraines, brain zaps, Etc. When did those lesson in intensity for you if you had those? These are my main symptoms and are very hard to deal with. thanks again for coming back and writing your success story. It means so much to us that are going through the thick of things. 

[Scotty]

Hi Sertramean

I came upon your story for the first time this morning, after a wretched night of virtually no sleep, in a state of absolute despair. I’ve been completely off Zoloft since June 1...those first months were hard but tolerable so I was getting a bit smug, thinking I might be a lucky one, destined to escape the worst horrors described on this site. Then on September 1 a wave hit me - a tsunami of terrifying symptoms including severe toxic anxiety and insomnia along with deathly fatigue. They have since shared my life and barely let up. 

So I came to your story utterly drained with suicidal thoughts lurking. Your humorous turn of phrase appealed immediately, but when I read your descriptions of your undignified exit from the hairdresser and then the ambulance encounter with your old acquaintance I burst out laughing and just roared for about 10 minutes. It has done me so much good - I’m really feeling better now. Perhaps therapeutic laughter should be explored as a healing technique.

Thank you so much for that - and of course for your success story. So heartening and wonderful to read that - you have really helped me. Every good wish for your continuing recovery - and for great haircuts in the future! Cheers.

[Scotty]

Hi again Sertramean - just a quick postscript by way of apology if my reaction to your traumas seemed a bit insensitive. I realise how distressing those episodes must have been for you - it’s just that you seem to have a gift for humorous writing and showing the funny side of things. Maybe there’s another career path there?....In any case, best wishes and thanks again.

[gentlehermione]

That you, Sertramean, for this hope inspiring story. Your optimistic and humorous nature in the face of adversity came shining through 😍

 

Well done!

[thecowisback]

It's so good to hear stories like this- Thank you for hanging around and posting 😁 you mention kaleidoscope vision - how long did you have that for and when did it go?

[Kozak70]

Thank  you  sertramean  , you have us hope,  I m now living daily hell , it's my third time of  trying , to wean off SSRIs , and I m kindled  & probably damaged since I reinstated Prozac  ,I went through  adverse reactions ! It's been  6,5 years now  , neurotoxicity, paws, adverse  effects , kindling ! Brain damage , even if I m 35  days ( 5 weeks  clean & off) symptoms are horrific ( tapered  lexapro for a year at 5 mg ) I have 21 years on these poisons  : anafranil  3 years,Prozac  15 years  & lexapro 2 , it's  too far to do it, but I keep  hoping, & by reading success  stories I feel a window !thank you

[MMMM]

Congratulations and thank you for posting your stories. It's very helpful to hear about how others get through this.

 

I know you had posted in your original thread about feeling like you lost your personality...

 

Do you feel like this has been restored, in terms of your ability to feel and to joke/laugh, etc?

 

Very happy for you!

[Hibari]

I just was reading your original thread more fully and I can't believe what you have been through. 

 

It sounds grueling and the fact that you are on the other side and healing gives me hope.  I know from your own perspective you have more healing to do and I respect that. 

 

A part in your story that I relate to right now is the envy I have of other people seeming to lead happy, normal lives.  I feel that acutely right now I have not been able to do what I used to do.  I shared with my new therapist that I have kept trying to get back to my old life and that I realize now, that life is over.  I don't mean that in a bad way but the things that used to drive me and hold my interest, no longer do or at least for now.  I have to let go of trying to make it work the old way and besides the terror of this journey, realize that more will be revealed when I am healed.

 

Wishing you a gentle steady healing over the next days and months. 

[apace41]

Sert,

 

Copied this over from you from my thread:

 

"The mighty Blackburn Rovers are on TV tomorrow evening (not sure if you get all the SKY coverage over that side of the pond?) playing the less mighty Aston Villa. I'll be there. I may even streak if you promise to watch. I'll magic marker 'surviving antidepressants' on my arse so you know it's me 🤣 it'll be more entertaining than watching Jose's rabble!"

 

I did not get to see the game live so I don't know if you did it -- I'm going to guess (pray) not.  

 

I did, however, see that fantastic free kick from Villa to tie it.  Too bad your lads gave up those extra two points in stoppage time, but at least they were tied on a spectacular goal and not on a skirmish in front or, worse yet, an OG.

 

Hope you had a good time.  Is your recovery at a point where you can have a pint at the game?

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Sertramean]

On ‎9‎/‎14‎/‎2018 at 6:21 AM, Lloyd said:

Congrats on the recovery and thanks for coming back and posting, its great to read these as they give us all hope!!

 

Thank you LLoyd.  It was the success stories on here that kept me going. Hope is absolutely vital during withdrawal. 

[Sertramean]

On ‎9‎/‎14‎/‎2018 at 12:37 PM, Shep said:

 

This is beautiful, Sertramean, and shows a great sense of humor shining through.  You no doubt will go on to have a great drug-free life.

 

 

This is one of those posts that screams - "print out!" to read over and over when it's needed.

 

Thank you for coming back and posting a success story and giving us all a much-needed ray of hope. Best of luck to you in the future. 

 

Thanks Shep. I read your posts quite often when I was only here a lot 2-3 years ago. How are you doing now?

[Sertramean]

On ‎9‎/‎14‎/‎2018 at 6:50 PM, bubble said:

Sertamean, thank you for coming back and sharing great news with us. It means a lot.

 

Yesterday I had a very bad day and an even worse night. I came across your post and read through the whole thread. And I laughed, in the middle of the night, like I haven't in ages. You didn't lose your humour even in the worst of nightmares. Very happy for you!

 

 Hi bubbles, was it you and I that discussed light boxes way back when? I must say the cloud has rolled back with a vengeance these last few weeks after a glorious summer in northern England. I still 'feel' the winters but bizarrely not as badly as when on the SSRI's. I think I just obsess less about them now. I hope you're well. You always seemed to be quite busy when we communicated. I found that admirable despite all the rubbish you were going through. A big hug for you.

[Sertramean]

On ‎9‎/‎14‎/‎2018 at 9:13 PM, SupahSet said:

@Sertramean It's so awesome to hear of your recovery!

 

What was the scariest symptoms you faced along the way, and how did you cope with those?

 

HI SuphaSet.

 

Thanks for your kind words.

 

Scariest symptom is hard to say. All of them probably! I first knew I was in trouble when my vision went fractured and the sweat poured out of me at work and I had to go to hospital. That was about 3 months after CT. From that point on it was brutal. I could handle the nausea, head pressure, shaking and even the insomnia up to a point but it was the constant anxiety and pacing round my house that frightened me. I felt wired for a long time. Also the 'rage' I felt. That was totally alien to me. I was like the Incredible Hulk with a hangover! It never manifested itself physically, I just felt like a wild animal at times. It's very strange to look back at the person I was then without a sense of shame at how I was thinking. If I was prone to acts of aggression I dread to think what would have happened during those times. Fortunately I'm a bit of a softie who would run a mile rather than have a fight. 

 

Then when all that had played out the chronic fatigue started! And then the DP/DR!! The scariest actual day was when I got hyponatraemia from vomiting after the Mirt withdrawal. The hours before I rang for an ambulance I would not wish on anyone. I remember sitting down on my kitchen floor utterly broken and thinking 'I've finally gone mad'. I was pretty delusional and couldn't really remember who I was or where I lived. I remember looking in the mirror and my eyes were just black holes. I hate to think what I would have done if I hadn't summoned the energy to ring the ambulance. That day will stay with me forever. Pure fear. 

 

None of that stuff affects me now. I'm only really telling you because no matter how bad it gets it will always get better. 

 

How did I cope? Simply put I didn't. I just carried on and enough time eventually passed that things got better. I'm not a strong person by any stretch and I genuinely have nothing practical advice to offer. I bought a few pills (Omega 3 and some others I can't remember) that I'd read could help but they didn't. I just slept when ever my brain allowed. Blacked out my windows during the worst of the insomnia and tried to get rid of the excess energy by walking. When the fatigue hit I just led on my bed reading the internet. Nothing scary mind, positive stories of recovery and other unrelated things I was interested in that made me happy. Distraction can really help, more than anything else IMHO.

 

Looking at your signature it appears you have a lot of the symptoms I had. They will all go eventually, be sure of that. The jolting awake plagued me for quite a while. Even that went eventually. 

 

 

[Sertramean]

On ‎9‎/‎15‎/‎2018 at 12:42 PM, thecowisback said:

It's so good to hear stories like this- Thank you for hanging around and posting 😁 you mention kaleidoscope vision - how long did you have that for and when did it go?

 

Hi Cow 😀 Thanks for your kind words. 

 

As mentioned above I first got the KV about 3 months after I CT'd when I was in work. I mention it in the opening post of my Intro topic linked at the top of this page. I got it again when I was on my high street a few weeks later I think. It only happened two or three times as I recall and I think it was a reaction to the intolerable stress of being out and about and around people. It felt like a brain overload and my senses crashed. Or maybe it really was just pure drug withdrawal.

 

Whatever it was it didn't happen often and was one of the first symptoms to go. 

 

Are you experiencing this symptom?

 

 

[Sertramean]

20 hours ago, Kozak70 said:

Thank  you  sertramean  , you have us hope,  I m now living daily hell , it's my third time of  trying , to wean off SSRIs , and I m kindled  & probably damaged since I reinstated Prozac  ,I went through  adverse reactions ! It's been  6,5 years now  , neurotoxicity, paws, adverse  effects , kindling ! Brain damage , even if I m 35  days ( 5 weeks  clean & off) symptoms are horrific ( tapered  lexapro for a year at 5 mg ) I have 21 years on these poisons  : anafranil  3 years,Prozac  15 years  & lexapro 2 , it's  too far to do it, but I keep  hoping, & by reading success  stories I feel a window !thank you

 

Hi Kozak, I'm really sorry for your suffering. You've been going through this for a long time. I think I've read success stories before where people have recovered after many years. I don't believe whatever damage your brain has suffered will be permanent. I had all the same fears myself and things eventually resolved. I wish you all the luck and hope in the world. 

[Sertramean]

19 hours ago, MMMM said:

Congratulations and thank you for posting your stories. It's very helpful to hear about how others get through this.

 

I know you had posted in your original thread about feeling like you lost your personality...

 

Do you feel like this has been restored, in terms of your ability to feel and to joke/laugh, etc?

 

Very happy for you!

 

Hi MMMM,

 

I think I missed the 'loss of personality' symptom when I responded to SuphaSet. Looking back it was probably my greatest fear. I think this is where Claire Weekes books are particularly useful. I had basically lost all my confidence and felt my personality had disintegrated. I've never been a looker or had money but I've always been capable of a **** joke or two to make people laugh😃so that was all I had really. And it was gone. Or so I thought. Weekes talks about this 'disintegration of the self' and how it isn't real but just an exaggerated response to a stressful situation. Basically the nervous system is shot. And when all you think about is suffering the colour and interest goes from your personality.

 

This is normal. It's hard not to end up like this when going through what we all have/are going through. I spent months on my own going slowly bonkers.  I was a shell. Totally broken. The change came when my nerves started to recover and I made it back to work. That was a slow process. Even after returning it was still tough  but I was slowly started to get a bit of confidence back.   I think I went out for the first time in about 18 months not long after returning to work with some old colleagues and that helped. It was all about feeling 'normal' again. 

 

Today all that stuff isn't even an issue. I probably feel better than I did on the drugs in that respect. I'm more natural now if that makes sense. I always felt a bit drunk on Seroxat and acted like a giddy idiot at times. Now I'm just a drug-free idiot 🤣 who can have a laugh most of the times, but can also a bit of a grumpy git too. So, like most people really! 

 

If you're going through the 'personality disintegration' feelings then I would really recommend Claire Weekes books like 'Self Help For Your Nerves'. She is brilliant at putting your mind at ease and explaining things logically. Regardless, those feelings will eventually pass as your nerves recover.  Best Wishes to you.

[bubble]

1 hour ago, Sertramean said:

Hi bubbles, was it you and I that discussed light boxes way back when? I must say the cloud has rolled back with a vengeance these last few weeks after a glorious summer in northern England. I still 'feel' the winters but bizarrely not as badly as when on the SSRI's. I think I just obsess less about them now. I hope you're well. You always seemed to be quite busy when we communicated. I found that admirable despite all the rubbish you were going through. A big hug for you

Add cognitive abilities to the list of your improvements!

 

Since mine seem to be on the decline (temporarily!) I cannot say for sure but I do remember discussing light boxes (with somebody so chances are it was you. Super happy to hear that the sensitivity to winters lessened together with the other symptoms!

 

I was lucky (due to unlucky event of my husband working in Asia) to spend the worst winter months there. It sure made a difference!

 

After almost 5 years of tapering I'm (only) half way through and even this slow taper causes borderline bearable symptoms. But connecting with the community and reading stories like yours helps me stay afloat in a big way. Big hug back!

[bubble]

12 minutes ago, Sertramean said:

I've never been a looker or had money but I've always been capable of a **** joke or two to make people laugh😃so that was all I had really. And it was gone. Or so I thought.

 

This is very interesting for me. One of the first things I noticed when reading through your thread was your great sense of humour. And the description of the lowest point is actually brilliant. Humour came to rescue.

 

Your reflections are super useful! Loss of personality is a big thing. After all these years I'm not even sure who I am. Just remember how my father said at one point: you don't resemble yourself...

 

I just love it how you put it: how did I cope? I didn't. I just carried on.

 

That's my mantra too: we just need to stick around and let time do its thing.

[Sertramean]

On ‎9‎/‎15‎/‎2018 at 3:22 AM, Scotty said:

Hi again Sertramean - just a quick postscript by way of apology if my reaction to your traumas seemed a bit insensitive. I realise how distressing those episodes must have been for you - it’s just that you seem to have a gift for humorous writing and showing the funny side of things. Maybe there’s another career path there?....In any case, best wishes and thanks again.

Hey Scotty, no need to apologise in the slightest I wasn't offended😉Your post was really kind. If I can make someone roar with laughter I'll take that all day. So thank you for telling me!

 

Anyway I didn't quote the post from you I meant to but I remember that feeling of smugness before the tsunami of despair hit me. I thought I'd got away with it too. How very wrong huh!? If you can still see the funny side of stuff then keep that close. It will really help. I tended to post on here a while after the events happened. I wasn't capable of posting when it was all going on. I tried to post in the 'windows' when I could see a bit of hope.  I hope you can take comfort from some of my ramblings and find yourself to a better place as time moves forward. I'm always here for questions even if I don't answer immediately. Good luck and enjoy the Aussie summer!!

[Sertramean]

On ‎9‎/‎14‎/‎2018 at 9:59 PM, gigi63 said:

Sertramean, congratulations to you!!!!  Oh the deep joy you must be feeling.  I am still recovering and at 28.5 mos in. It is a very slow process and I have wondered , “ will I ever get there? “.  Yes, thankfully there are improvements!!!  The process , the journey it can feel so long.  I have both the physical and the emotional difficulties but their intensity has improved overall. Thank you for coming back to give even more testimony that yes, healing does come!!!!  Thank you so much!!!  God Bless you.  

 

Hi Gigi, thanks very much! From my experience once the intensity starts diminishing then you are well on your way to getting better. It can take a frustratingly long time. I think even now I have improvements to make but I don't think 'am I there?' because I got 'there' as soon as I had my life back and my brain had recovered to the point I could function. You'll do fine, cross off the symptoms as they disappear and you'll see things are improving even if you get stuck in a rut for a while. Best wishes to you. 

[Sertramean]

On ‎9‎/‎14‎/‎2018 at 11:56 PM, bgoggles1 said:

Congrats on your recovery!! So glad to hear another positive success story. We so need more of those. I was just wondering if you dealt with pretty bad head symptoms such as dizziness, brain pressure, severe pains in the head such as migraines, brain zaps, Etc. When did those lesson in intensity for you if you had those? These are my main symptoms and are very hard to deal with. thanks again for coming back and writing your success story. It means so much to us that are going through the thick of things. 

 

Hi Bgoggles1, thanks for checking in. 

 

The head pressure was a nuisance! I don't think I ever got the zaps (isn't it weird how we all get a different selection of the same symptoms!) but I've read a lot about them on here. I got pressure on the top and front of my head mainly. I was once sat with a nice member of the  crisis team (December 2015-ish ) and the pressure on the top of my head was excruciating. I sat there going 'ahhhhh' quietly whilst holding the top of my head. I looked at her and she was nodding as if to say   'I'm trying to show you I understand but I really want to get away from you, you massive lunatic' 😃 I don't blame her. I'd love to see her again to see if she remembers. That was the worst it got and that would have been about 7 months off. After a time it was just in my sinuses on the bridge of my nose really. It was more of an annoyance than painful, the top of my nose just felt heavy. It was pretty persistent but it had gone with in a year I think. Occasionally even now I get an odd twinge if I'm stressed but it only lasts a few minutes. It's harmless and will slowly go to the point where you no longer notice it much. 

 

The dizziness I didn't like at all. I used to only go out food shopping at night because the daylight made my eyes hurt and you look like Bono if you go out in sunglasses during the daylight in the middle of winter....and no-one wants that! I think I mention the dizziness quite a lot in my 'intro' topic at the top of this page. I used to complain about it a lot to my mum because she used to get dizziness form an inner ear thing when she was younger so she kind on understood. I think she got bored of hearing me and probably wished for another ear infection!! Anyway, it went eventually. Not sure how long it took but I messed around with Mirt and Sert when I should have been getting better so probably delayed the recovery. I think it was probably mostly gone after 12 months. Thus may not happen to you. I was on this junk a long time.

 

I don't want to bang on about Claire Weekes and I'm not her agent (she has no need for one these days!) but she mentions the head pressure and dizziness in her books. In my intro topic I wrote this:-

 

'Ordered the Claire Weekes book 'self help for your nerves' and it arrived today. All the symptoms listed in there are exactly the same as from SSRI Withdrawal. So this 'thing' is getting treated like a nervous disorder, no more, no less. Accept the symptoms, don't recoil in fear and let time heal' - Oct 13th 2015.

 

One of my more lucid moments and it is completely true. Don't fear the symptoms, they aren't permanent and they won't do you any harm. 

 

 

 

 

 

[musk]

Hi Sertramean, your story is amazing. I had thought to ask you several things but now I do not know what to ask, I am stunned. Reading your story has been a gift for me.

 

I think my biggest problem is my huge fear of permanent or degenerative problems. This was precisely the reason why I started the medications. All tell me that I will recover (even, no joke, tarot casters have told me :-) but I can hardly believe it. 

 

You always knew in your inner self that you were going to recover?

 

Did you experience unusual internal sensations when you stopped still or you lay on the bed, like vivration, internal tremor, throbbing or electricity under the skin?

 

[Sertramean]

3 hours ago, Hibari said:

I just was reading your original thread more fully and I can't believe what you have been through. 

 

It sounds grueling and the fact that you are on the other side and healing gives me hope.  I know from your own perspective you have more healing to do and I respect that. 

 

A part in your story that I relate to right now is the envy I have of other people seeming to lead happy, normal lives.  I feel that acutely right now I have not been able to do what I used to do.  I shared with my new therapist that I have kept trying to get back to my old life and that I realize now, that life is over.  I don't mean that in a bad way but the things that used to drive me and hold my interest, no longer do or at least for now.  I have to let go of trying to make it work the old way and besides the terror of this journey, realize that more will be revealed when I am healed.

 

Wishing you a gentle steady healing over the next days and months. 

Thanks Hibari and Hi!

 

I'm glad someone else has felt like this (well I'm not but you know what I mean!) The feeling that everyone was else was laughing and joking and enjoying life and I was just watching them through a window plagued me for a long time. It came quite early in my withdrawal and was probably one of the main reasons I 'broke'. The intensity was unimaginable and was classic withdrawal depression with hindsight. It isn't really true, it's just a (very strong) emotion right now. Of course I'm 20 years older than I was when I started these drugs so I would be different anyway but in withdrawal it feels like you've lost your whole sense of being and you'll never have fun again. It's just a trick of your nerves so don't believe it!

 

I also spent quite a while grieving my youthful self and regretting all the things I hadn't done. I may well have not done those things anyway but the mind works like that when you're looking back all the time. The drugs did however make me complacent and lazy and the good thing about coming off them is that I've done more in the last two years than I've done in the last 18 before that. I've bought a house for one thing and that is something I never thought I'd do! I have regrets and I do wonder what I would have done if I'd not been on Seroxat all those years because I also lost my ambition. I would have liked to have been a dad but I'm getting to 50 nearly and I don't think I'd have the energy anymore!Those feelings were intense at one time but they are now just thoughts that I can easily dismiss. They don't plague me anymore but they do occasionally rear up. I suppose they would have even if I'd never been on the drugs. I suppose that's the key to all this withdrawal stuff, everything gets magnified - every emotion, every hurt, every worry, every regret.  Life isn't perfect really for any of us. I just resolved to try and make the most of it when I recovered. I haven't always succeeded but I try 😎

 

Like you I feel my 'drugged' life is over. After prolonged use of these drugs things are unsurprisingly different for some of us. But different doesn't mean worse. I think your interests will return when you feel better in yourself. At least that's how it worked for me. Best wishes to you Hibari. I know what you're going through and I know it will change and you will figure it out.