Sertramean: Recovered from 17 years of SSRI's

[viper73]

Congratulations Sertramean, I am so happy for your success. I have a question to ask you. You said you still get low-level depression that can last a few weeks. How often you get this because I been having windows and wave and each time I get hit by a wave is always depression and crying I get and can last a couple of weeks to months and do you think the intense of the depression is not as strong when you get farther out. Oh I am almost 4 months of off Prozac. Thanks

[Sertramean]

27 minutes ago, musk said:

Hi Sertramean, your story is amazing. I had thought to ask you several things but now I do not know what to ask, I am stunned. Reading your story has been a gift for me.

 

I think my biggest problem is my huge fear of permanent or degenerative problems. This was precisely the reason why I started the medications. All tell me that I will recover (even, no joke, tarot casters have told me 🙂 but I can hardly believe it. 

 

You always knew in your inner self that you were going to recover?

 

Did you experience unusual internal sensations when you stopped still or you lay on the bed, like vivration, internal tremor, throbbing or electricity under the skin?

 

Hi Musk. I can honestly say I've never thought of my story as amazing and this is the only place I've ever told it. (I did post on the precursor to this forum once but it shut down soon after - but I hadn't been through the half of it then) 

 

What do you mean by the highlighted bit? You started these drugs to cure degenerative problems or to cure the fear of degenerative problems? Sorry if i'm being thick!

 

I think what helped me was that I tried to come off these drugs so many times that I was used to the suffering (I don't mean to sound like a martyr there but this was a well worn path for me) . I've literally missed years off work coming off Seroxat, breaking down and having to reinstate. Each time cost me about 6 months of life and work. Moving to Prozac and then Sertraline had the same effect. These drugs never suited me so I knew I had to get off them. By the time I'd gone in to the withdrawal detailed on this forum I had run out of options. I didn't know I would recover, all I knew is I couldn't go back to the drugs. At that point all I had was myself if that makes sense. I felt dreadful for a long time but there was no choice. I just had to get through it. I had days of deep despair as you can probably relate. But I also had days that gave me hope. I read the right books and treated it as a nervous breakdown (as I mentioned in my intro topic). I'd had breakdowns before and recovered. This was just a bigger one and unlike any of the ones before but the principles are the same. Of course some days I just wanted to give up but I just reminded myself if I carry on it will inevitably get better. 

 

I had bad shakes for quite a while in my hands and was struggling typing before I went off  work in my first few months of withdrawal. I also had the internal tremor. I used to say to my doctor 'feel my arms they are shaking' and he couldn't because they weren't. It was all 'inside' my arms. He used to look at me like I was an idiot. I don't think I had the electricity thing ( I didn't have the head zaps either that a lot of people get which must be similar). Don't worry about them. They will go. They won't harm you, even if they last a long time. I don't get the internal tremors or shakes anymore and there was no damage to my arms. I understand your worry though so don't think I'm dismissing it. One day I was where you are. One day you'll be doing what I'm doing have been through it and recovered yourself. 

 

[Sertramean]

13 minutes ago, viper73 said:

Congratulations Sertramean, I am so happy for your success. I have a question to ask you. You said you still get low-level depression that can last a few weeks. How often you get this because I been having windows and wave and each time I get hit by a wave is always depression and crying I get and can last a couple of weeks to months and do you think the intense of the depression is not as strong when you get farther out. Oh I am almost 4 months of off Prozac. Thanks

 

Hi Viper and thank you. 

 

Even before the drugs I got low-level depression. It manifested itself as me being quiet and sad and just 'fed up'. No crying.

 

The depression I got in withdrawal is the one you describe. Huge crying jags, bursting into tears at the drop of a hat. I'd never experienced anything like it before. It even felt 'chemically'. I was once drank Gin and had near enough the same reaction😢😃!! 

 

When I was 4 months off I would have been crying just like you. It is pure withdrawal. Be prepared for it to last a while longer but don't think it's permanent. as the withdrawal gets less intense so will the symptoms like the crying. It will be up and down (waves and windows as it's better described on here) but it will slowly get better.

 

The depression I get now is the one I used to get before the drugs. I don't cry. 

 

Best Wishes, Viper. It will get better in time. 

[musk]

Thanks for your answer!

 

I started drugs for fear of diseases. I began to fear and distrust when my life became "ideal", after that, I fell.

 

I also left the drugs because I did not like to take any pill or depend on anything. Neither can I  go back, in the first place because it gives me panic how my body can react.

 

My doctor also looks at me like an idiot, that's why I no longer go to the doctor.

 

Gracias!

 

 

[Sertramean]

4 hours ago, apace41 said:

Sert,

 

Copied this over from you from my thread:

 

"The mighty Blackburn Rovers are on TV tomorrow evening (not sure if you get all the SKY coverage over that side of the pond?) playing the less mighty Aston Villa. I'll be there. I may even streak if you promise to watch. I'll magic marker 'surviving antidepressants' on my arse so you know it's me 🤣 it'll be more entertaining than watching Jose's rabble!"

 

I did not get to see the game live so I don't know if you did it -- I'm going to guess (pray) not.  

 

I did, however, see that fantastic free kick from Villa to tie it.  Too bad your lads gave up those extra two points in stoppage time, but at least they were tied on a spectacular goal and not on a skirmish in front or, worse yet, an OG.

 

Hope you had a good time.  Is your recovery at a point where you can have a pint at the game?

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

 Haha, no I didn't do it. It would have been a bit cold and I didn't need any help embarrassing myself in that department if you know what I mean😃

 

 Yes it was a cracking free-kick …. there were a lot of gutted Rovers fans trudging off the game at the end.  A draw was a fair result over the 90 minutes in all honesty. After our promotion last year I'll be happy with mid-table stability come the end of the season.

 

I'm just delighted Burnley keep losing (they are our local rivals …. and have 6 fingers on each hand🤣)

 

Drinking is no problem. I had a pint or three before the game last night. I'm not really a big drinker but I can go out and get hammered occasionally without any problems or withdrawal symptoms reappearing. I didn't touch a drop for the first year off the drugs. 

[FarmGirlWorks]

3 hours ago, Sertramean said:

 I was like the Incredible Hulk with a hangover! 

This is my favorite image of today. And I hear you on the rage: mine was spontaneous and scary. At 110 pounds (and probably less then due to WD), I wasn’t that threatening in physique but that crazy gleam was enough. Thanks for coming back and continued healing to you🤞🏻

[Sertramean]

Just now, FarmGirlWorks said:

This is my favorite image of today. And I hear you on the rage: mine was spontaneous and scary. At 110 pounds (and probably less then due to WD), I wasn’t that threatening in physique but that crazy gleam was enough. Thanks for coming back and continued healing to you🤞🏻

Thanks FGW.

 

You're about 18 months off by my shoddy maths? How are you doing now? Symptoms receding?

[Hibari]

1 hour ago, Sertramean said:

Thanks Hibari and Hi!

 

I'm glad someone else has felt like this (well I'm not but you know what I mean!) The feeling that everyone was else was laughing and joking and enjoying life and I was just watching them through a window plagued me for a long time. It came quite early in my withdrawal and was probably one of the main reasons I 'broke'. The intensity was unimaginable and was classic withdrawal depression with hindsight. It isn't really true, it's just a (very strong) emotion right now. Of course I'm 20 years older than I was when I started these drugs so I would be different anyway but in withdrawal it feels like you've lost your whole sense of being and you'll never have fun again. It's just a trick of your nerves so don't believe it!

 

I also spent quite a while grieving my youthful self and regretting all the things I hadn't done. I may well have not done those things anyway but the mind works like that when you're looking back all the time. The drugs did however make me complacent and lazy and the good thing about coming off them is that I've done more in the last two years than I've done in the last 18 before that. I've bought a house for one thing and that is something I never thought I'd do! I have regrets and I do wonder what I would have done if I'd not been on Seroxat all those years because I also lost my ambition. I would have liked to have been a dad but I'm getting to 50 nearly and I don't think I'd have the energy anymore!Those feelings were intense at one time but they are now just thoughts that I can easily dismiss. They don't plague me anymore but they do occasionally rear up. I suppose they would have even if I'd never been on the drugs. I suppose that's the key to all this withdrawal stuff, everything gets magnified - every emotion, every hurt, every worry, every regret.  Life isn't perfect really for any of us. I just resolved to try and make the most of it when I recovered. I haven't always succeeded but I try 😎

 

Like you I feel my 'drugged' life is over. After prolonged use of these drugs things are unsurprisingly different for some of us. But different doesn't mean worse. I think your interests will return when you feel better in yourself. At least that's how it worked for me. Best wishes to you Hibari. I know what you're going through and I know it will change and you will figure it out. 

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply.  I do need to be reminded about how distorted things are right now.  "Trick of the nerves"  As you know so well, it can be tough for my injured brain to reassure the scared person I am in wd.  Yesterday, as I battled to stay calm, I kept saying "this is not who I am".  

 

When I am stable, I fully realize that everyone goes through stuff and in reality, I want others to be happy.  But in withdrawal, my envy and fear rise up. So good to know that this shifts.  

 

I appreciate your encouragement very much.    

 

 

 

 

[FarmGirlWorks]

17.75 months off — but who’s counting? Thanks for asking. The windows and waves  seem to be cycling faster. Like months 7-13ish, I had a deep wave— months! Now I have maybe a few days of “dirty” windows and a week or so of depression/anxiety/head pressure... akasthisia occasionally for a day or two. Good times. The intensity has decreased which is hopeful. I still feel that jealousy @Hibari mentioned— lucky normals. I also don’t have a profession or job now which makes me feel useless. However, I am going to come out of this with coping skills such as kundalini yoga and the life skills I’m learning in AA. All might feel lost but I suspect it isn’t. 

[MMMM]

4 hours ago, Sertramean said:

 

I think I missed the 'loss of personality' symptom when I responded to SuphaSet. Looking back it was probably my greatest fear. I think this is where Claire Weekes books are particularly useful. I had basically lost all my confidence and felt my personality had disintegrated. I've never been a looker or had money but I've always been capable of a **** joke or two to make people laugh😃so that was all I had really. And it was gone. Or so I thought. Weekes talks about this 'disintegration of the self' and how it isn't real but just an exaggerated response to a stressful situation. Basically the nervous system is shot. And when all you think about is suffering the colour and interest goes from your personality.

 

This is normal. It's hard not to end up like this when going through what we all have/are going through. I spent months on my own going slowly bonkers.  I was a shell. Totally broken. The change came when my nerves started to recover and I made it back to work. That was a slow process. Even after returning it was still tough  but I was slowly started to get a bit of confidence back.

 

Sertramean, thank you so much for this. 🙏

 

You describe it so incredibly well. I get sad sometimes thinking about the fun-loving, joking, loving, feeling person I was not that long ago (last year). And like you said, I have such a fear that it's permanent and that I will never be that person again. It's intense that all of this stuff brings up deep questions of identity.

 

I have just ordered the Claire Weekes book and am looking forward to reading it. Thank you for sharing this suggestion.

 

I am slowly learning to put down my fears of permanence around all this... I have come to see how they are really not helpful and are in some ways actually the worst part of all of this.

 

Again, thank you for sharing such a message of hope with us here!

[bhasski]

Hats off for putting it on this board.

 

Its a hope for me and others here.

[mirage]

Hi @Sertramean. THANK YOU for taking the time to answer me. That means so very much. It is so great to hear the reassurance from someone who has been through this.

 

I do feel like I have hit a point of recovery that is becoming more stable. I use to have to look back 6 months to see some improvement and that improvement was ever so slight. Now, I can look back just a few months ago and see progress. I hit the 1 year mark in June and went into a wave that lasted almost the entire month. I felt like I was going backwards. It was, for sure, the one step forward, five steps back thing. Now I feel like I am going one step forward and maybe three back. 

 

I was able to take my first trip since this all began. I traveled the first week of August and I am leaving again at the end of this month. I am curious to see, how my symptoms are on this upcoming trip, compared to the one just a couple of months ago. 

 

All of that said, a year ago, I was miserable! I have to say there are times I feel to symptomatic to do much but if I go ahead and push through, I usually do pretty well. I can completely relate and understand, everything you said in all of your responses to everyone recently. I feel like I had every symptom, imaginable and unimaginable. I never knew a persons body could get so turned upside down and inside out! I place no blame on anything or anyone. I am a big believer in not saying, would have, could have or should have. I live by faith and that what ever we go through, it is needed and so much is gained. 

 

Bless you, friend, for helping all of us see our healed future. 

[Sertramean]

30 minutes ago, mirage said:

I was able to take my first trip since this all began. I traveled the first week of August and I am leaving again at the end of this month. I am curious to see, how my symptoms are on this upcoming trip, compared to the one just a couple of months ago. 

 

That's a real positive and genuine progress. I remember my first social occasion was about a year into withdrawal.  I mention it in my intro topic. It was scary but I got through. 

 

I hope you have a great time. If you don't feel great don't sweat it and don't compare your symptoms to your earlier trip.  You're doing it and that's what counts. Bon Voyage!

[mirage]

Bless you @Sertramean. When I decided to go in August, I went with the thought that if I feel terrible, the worst thing would be me hanging in the hotel room for a while. I gave no worry to the flight. It was a five day trip and I had one 

day that was rough and we ended up having to cancel our dinner reservations for that evening. However, I managed to get out later for a few hours. All in all, it was a pretty good trip. The thing that helped was, I had to constantly tell myself, "these are only symptoms. None of it is going to hurt me". Over and over again in my head. It worked.

 

 I too, read Claire Weeks book. You brought it up in a response to someone else on SA. I thank you for that. It is a reminder to me that perhaps I should read it again. 

 

Thank you for the support and encouragement. It truly means a lot. 

[musk]

Hi Sert, sorry if my question seems too explicit, I know that this is a tough and delicate issue. But ... did you ever think about taking your life?

 

I also just ordered the book by Claire Weekes, I think it's my last hope to learn to interpret my symptoms in a more constructive way. I believe that, ultimately, our beliefs and thoughts have something to do with what we physically manifest.

[Sertramean]

52 minutes ago, musk said:

Hi Sert, sorry if my question seems too explicit, I know that this is a tough and delicate issue. But ... did you ever think about taking your life?

 

I also just ordered the book by Claire Weekes, I think it's my last hope to learn to interpret my symptoms in a more constructive way. I believe that, ultimately, our beliefs and thoughts have something to do with what we physically manifest.

 

Many times. Suicidal thoughts were a big part of my withdrawal for the first year. I ended up with the Crisis Team for that reason. Did I actively plan it? No. Did I feel there was no other way out? Yes. Did I nearly do it? Yes. The night I got hyponatremia and was frankly delusional.  I instead rung the emergency services. It was a stark choice that night and thankfully I made the right one.

 

I think suicidal thoughts are fairly common in withdrawal (and in depression). However,  if you (or anyone else) ever gets to the ' actively planning it' stage you need to seek immediate help. 

 

I don't get those thoughts anymore. If I had acted on them I'd have left behind some heartbroken people who may never have recovered. My pain was only temporary. 

[mirage]

@Sertramean I went back and read all of your original threads from 2015 and 2016. You, my friend, have a talent in writing! You are so funny! I am having a pretty rough morning, as I usually do, and reading your post gave me some pretty good laughs. The Cake Team...hysterical! 

 

You managed to keep such a great attitude in your writings in a time that was so very difficult. Just wonderful! 

 

Thank you!

[Hibari]

On 9/16/2018 at 4:44 PM, Sertramean said:

 

Hi Viper and thank you. 

 

Even before the drugs I got low-level depression. It manifested itself as me being quiet and sad and just 'fed up'. No crying.

 

The depression I got in withdrawal is the one you describe. Huge crying jags, bursting into tears at the drop of a hat. I'd never experienced anything like it before. It even felt 'chemically'. I was once drank Gin and had near enough the same reaction😢😃!! 

 

When I was 4 months off I would have been crying just like you. It is pure withdrawal. Be prepared for it to last a while longer but don't think it's permanent. as the withdrawal gets less intense so will the symptoms like the crying. It will be up and down (waves and windows as it's better described on here) but it will slowly get better.

 

The depression I get now is the one I used to get before the drugs. I don't cry. 

 

Best Wishes, Viper. It will get better in time. 

I was just going to make a post about how much I am crying lately.   I cry once or twice a day and have huge feelings of regret over how much I am leaning on my husband, how my life is going nowhere, how I have lost my identity as a professional person.   I get scared over how much crying I am doing because it makes me feel like I am super depressed.  I also make a mistake last night and took too much of an herbal supplement for sleep.  It has left me nauseous, dizzy and fearful.  And yes, I want to cry. 

 

This is the only place I can turn to where I feel someone won't tell me to go back up in medication. 

 

I don't mean to  high jack this thread of success but need reassurance on the crying part. 

[Sertramean]

@mirage thanks for that. That's very kind. I'm glad my ramblings helped a bit. I think it helped that I wrote a lot of those posts with a bit of distance from the actual events - probably in a 'window'. If I'd written them as they were happening there would have been nothing funny about my thread! Probably a lesson there about not believing anything the addled withdrawal mind tells us!!

 

Sorry you're having a bad day. I used to live in the 'success stories' part of this forum when I felt like that. There's one by 'lossleader' that I always found comforting for some reason. In fact they were all like a warm blanket on a cold night! 

 

Keep going and look after yourself.

[apace41]

2 minutes ago, Sertramean said:

There's one by 'lossleader'

 

Here is a link for those who want to read:

 

 

[Sertramean]

4 minutes ago, Hibari said:

I cry once or twice a day and have huge feelings of regret over how much I am leaning on my husband, how my life is going nowhere, how I have lost my identity as a professional person.   I get scared over how much crying I am doing because it makes me feel like I am super depressed. 

 

Hi Hibari,

 

I think all those feelings are quite normal with all that you are going through. If I could offer any advice it's not be too scared of the symptoms. (easier said than done) The loss of identity, crying and guilt are huge and predictable parts of withdrawal. When the withdrawal gets better so will they. You won't feel like this forever. Perhaps you could show your husband this site? I'd imagine his support will mean a lot right now? Regardless, time will heal you. 

 

I looked back at my intro thread earlier. I can see my own fear and bewilderment. Andy @apace41 reminded in that thread that what we are going through isn't normal. It's hard to believe that when we are in the middle of it and we can't see the wood for the trees. But it's so very, very true. Withdrawal isn't normal and neither are the emotions and feelings it stirs up. It's only when you come out the other side (which you will) that'll you look back with a sense of disbelief at what you went through. You won't really believe any of this now but you will one day🙂

 

Wishing you some better days in the weeks to come, and assuring you of lots of better days in the years ahead. 

[mirage]

@Sertramean and @apace41 thank you for the info and the link to lossleader.  I will for sure read it. 

 

I do feel like I am recovering and that I will be back to normal, some day. As you both know, when you are in the thick of it, your mind can only focus on how awful one feels. It is one day at a time right now but I am getting through that. Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays are work days for me. I never feel like I can work in the mornings of those days, but I always do and I get through it. 

 

Hugs to both of you for your inspiration. 

[Sertramean]

16 minutes ago, apace41 said:

 

Here is a link for those who want to read:

 

 

Thanks Andy. I think it's a fantastic story of survival. I used to read it regularly. Some brilliant stuff in there. I hung on to last paragraph for long, long time:-

 

"And all I have to say to anyone who's currently going through long-term, heavy withdrawal symptoms: just hang on. You don't have to do anything... just hang on. So long as you don't let it beat you, in the end this stuff will just melt away. It really will. There'll be a bit of mental "tidying up" to do afterwards, as though a hurricane has passed through your house. But you'll be so glad you survived, so glad to see the blue skies again, you won't care too much about that. If it ever seems like everything's hopeless... well, it's not. It's really not. Honestly, it's simple as that"

 

Still brings a tear to my eye. 

 

[apace41]

1 minute ago, Sertramean said:

Still brings a tear to my eye. 

 

You being such a softie remains inconsistent with the image of you streaking across the pitch at Blackburn, face painted, etc., but I digress.

 

Seriously, Sert, thanks from all of us for coming here to provide such continuous support for those in the throes of it -- really very kind of you.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[mirage]

Just read lossleaders success story. Thank you both for posting the link! I will grasp those words..."just hang on". 

[Hibari]

1 hour ago, Sertramean said:

 

Hi Hibari,

 

I think all those feelings are quite normal with all that you are going through. If I could offer any advice it's not be too scared of the symptoms. (easier said than done) The loss of identity, crying and guilt are huge and predictable parts of withdrawal. When the withdrawal gets better so will they. You won't feel like this forever. Perhaps you could show your husband this site? I'd imagine his support will mean a lot right now? Regardless, time will heal you. 

 

I looked back at my intro thread earlier. I can see my own fear and bewilderment. Andy @apace41 reminded in that thread that what we are going through isn't normal. It's hard to believe that when we are in the middle of it and we can't see the wood for the trees. But it's so very, very true. Withdrawal isn't normal and neither are the emotions and feelings it stirs up. It's only when you come out the other side (which you will) that'll you look back with a sense of disbelief at what you went through. You won't really believe any of this now but you will one day🙂

 

Wishing you some better days in the weeks to come, and assuring you of lots of better days in the years ahead. 

Thank you for responding and for saying that I won't feel like this forever.   My husband has been on this site and I've had him read certain stories.  I guess it's my lack of self-esteem right now that makes me wonder, why he is sticking it out?  As if these past 4 years define our 23 years of marriage.  But that's what it feels like these past days. 

 

Fear and bewilderment, yes those are my companions along with a deep worry that I will be left behind and everyone else will heal.    Withdrawal thinking at its worst. 

 

I'm sure I will be back here again for reassurance.

 

Your words from the other side of this experience, mean so much. 

 

Hibari

[waves12]

A great story of success so happy for you.  Its great when people are happy to drop back and answer questions as it is so helpful for those still suffering.

 

I have read through your thread a few times over the time I have been on here and it is very witty at times as others have mentioned!!

 

I am over two years off now and also was a CT case which turned me into a basket case for sure, not the smartest thing I have done but thats the way it went.

 

I still suffer a fair bit and relate to loads of your symptoms particularly the mental ones, the feeling of not being able to converse well or be with people very easily and generally most of the symptoms you described through your thread.

 

I have at times thought that maybe my symptoms wont resolve because I am now very mentally unwell and need help from outside and or live in a special ward for the rest of my life, do you relate?

 

Did you have any outside help in getting better or did it just happen without this?  I get a bit scared that what I am feeling is for the rest of time and that is not a very pleasant looking future.

 

I used to be so busy and have various things on the go and not ever consider ' how am i today?'.  I only have one subject on my mind now usually and that is ' when will I be recovered from this, or will I ever be recovered from this?'

 

I know many say that it is time and only time that will help, I would do anything to get ahead.  Has it been your experience that it was just time or did you have a lot of therapy or similar to get you really well?

 

Thanks you in advance for any help 

 

Waves12

[Ather]

Love you man ! Your words give us hope, keep posting here

 

[ButterflyHope]

Hi,

 

I just wanted to express my gratitude for you taking the time to share the fact that you have now recovered. I have been looking everywhere to find people who have had long term use of these drugs who can reassure me that there is an end and I may not have irreversible damage. Also to reassure me that this isnt 'the original symptoms that have been masked for so long' or 'underlying anxiety,' god knows if it was I'd be back on the drugs as there's no way I could live like this forever. I am currently near the end of a citalopram taper after 14 years use and I relate to all the symptoms you refer to, particularly the crying spells, so to know that at some point they may end gives me hope which is all I need right now.

 

Thank you

[thecowisback]

it's great to read stories like this and they give me the confidence to believe i will heal one day. i'm starting to get my head round the fact that it won't happen anytime soon, but it will happen one day. 19 months out and my ruminations/intrusive thoughts are as bad as ever but i must believe that there will be better days ahead.

[India]

On 9/13/2018 at 10:30 PM, Sertramean said:

Hello Everyone,

 

I always intended to return when I felt that my recovery was at such a stage as to be no longer the main focus of my existence. For me that was a sign of 'success'. I probably reached that point over a year ago. This was my original thread in 'Intro's and Updates'. 

 

Like others my withdrawal developed in clear stages:-

 

Months 0-3: Nausea, sweating, increased energy etc

 

Months 4 - 12: everything listed in my topic. Hell on earth. My topic doesn't do it justice.

 

Months 12 onwards: The major symptoms (acute anxiety, suicidal ideation, chronic fatigue, intense rage, an inability to function at any level as a human being) are gone. 

 

Residual issues: my sleep is lighter and more broken than it was whilst on the AD's and pre AD's. Memory problems relating to name recall. Neither issue impacts my quality of life to any great degree.

 

Today? I feel well, my pre-drug personality has been fully restored (for better and worse) and I deal with the emotional problems that first led me to the drugs with exercise and a well-practised shrug of the shoulders. If that fails the odd hour of stewing in a pot of my own self-pity never did me any harm! Those days are thankfully rare and are alleviated by a swift kick to my own ample arse😃

 

I always thought I'd write more in my 'success story' but my ordeal feels very much a part of my past now. Things have returned to normal... 'normal' in this case meaning being free from the maelstrom of chemically-induced madness that is acute withdrawal from an SSRI.  Looking back that is the only way to accurately describe it. 

 

My only advice (if I may be so bold) is to never ever think what you are going through will stay the same.  There will be deep despair and flickers of hope. There will be false dawns and genuine improvements. REGARDLESS, YOU WILL GET BETTER. It just takes time.  As a wise-owl once wrote on here 'it takes at least a year' if you cold-turkey from these drugs after prolonged use.  That's pretty much what it took for me to return to a sense of normality. The improvements in the 2nd year off the drugs were immeasurable. 

 

As Claire Weekes once wrote about recovery from nervous breakdown (and which equally applies to withdrawal-induced breakdown IMHO):

 

    "Once you are on the right road to recovery, recovery is inevitable, however protracted your illness may have been" 

 

If anyone has any questions I'm more than happy to answer them. I know how much I needed some perspective and reassurance when I was in the pit of despair. 

 

For those who supported me in my thread you will never know how much I needed and appreciated it. A huge heartfelt thanks. 

 

A huge thanks also to the owners and the mods who do such a selfless and brilliant job. 

.

To everyone else. Keep going. It will come right.

 

xxx

 

Thank you. I needed this.Had a difficult afternoon.

[ChessieCat]

Hi there,

 

The staff at SA are wondering how you are.  We'd love to hear how you are doing now.   Would you mind dropping by and giving an update?

 

Thanks.

CC

[RusTW]

  Sertramean thanks for writing your success story for us. I was just curious at what point did you notice you were getting your biggest improvements. I'm tapering Zoloft gradually currently at 37.5 mg going through a taper right now with mild to moderate withdraws

I've noticed as I've reduce my dosage my symptoms get Milder.

Was there anything or any time during your recovery that was significant where you really felt like you were improving and didn't look back.

Thanks Russ

[Sertramean]

On ‎1‎/‎6‎/‎2019 at 11:36 PM, ChessieCat said:

Hi there,

 

The staff at SA are wondering how you are.  We'd love to hear how you are doing now.   Would you mind dropping by and giving an update?

 

Thanks.

CC

Hi there,

 

Thanks for asking. Haven't logged on for months but happy to say I'm doing well. Had a promotion at work recently and now have more responsibility than I've probably ever had. For someone who felt permanently damaged by these drugs I have come a long way. I still have issues (sleep and memory) which could be attributed to the drugs but at nearly 50 years young it could just be ageing😢😃. I regularly go to the gym and the AD weight is gradually shifting. Cycling is my passion now (as long as it isn't windy or cold - I'm still soft😃). 

 

Physically and mentally I'm light years away from withdrawal. After a while things become more and more nuanced and the progress less obvious, but importantly it is still happening if I take the time to reflect. An example of this is I'm returning more and more to my old, pre-drug personality in very subtle ways. I'm a lot less reactive these days. If someone offends me I shrug my shoulders and don't react. In withdrawal (and to a less extent on the drugs) my reactions were quick. I guess that's a sign of a destabilised nervous system. Even compared with a year ago I'm a lot calmer, and I thought back then I was back to my old non-reactive self. 

 

Of course, I have bad days, but so does everyone. If I think about the past it can still haunt me. The memories of what I went through are still a bit raw but the difference is they are not at the forefront of my mind anymore. I plan for the future now, instead of being trapped by the past. That is my favourite thing about recovery - I got my sense of perspective back.

 

Hope you are well yourself CC, and best wishes to you.  

[Sertramean]

On ‎2‎/‎21‎/‎2019 at 10:50 PM, RusTW said:

  Sertramean thanks for writing your success story for us. I was just curious at what point did you notice you were getting your biggest improvements. I'm tapering Zoloft gradually currently at 37.5 mg going through a taper right now with mild to moderate withdraws

I've noticed as I've reduce my dosage my symptoms get Milder.

Was there anything or any time during your recovery that was significant where you really felt like you were improving and didn't look back.

Thanks Russ

Hi Russ,

 

How are you doing now?

 

I think time is the great healer in all this. There is no magic wand, you just have to persevere. Your withdrawal journey sounds a lot more sensible to mine because you seem to be reducing slowly.

 

If I had to be specific I think the one-year mark was a turning point for me. Things got a lot easier after that. I'd never compare though, all our brains and bodies are different. Keep going and you'll get there in the end.

 

Best of luck Russ. 

[jiswell]

Hi, I want to thank Sertramean for posting this success story, as it was quite pivotal for me last Fall 2018 when I was at the start of withdrawing from both Benzodiazepines and ADs. I was on them for 25 yrs, pretty much continuous since I was 22. Your story gave me a benchmark since there are so few who take the plunge after over a decade. It’s been 6 months for me at zero. Some residual symptoms but nothing close to the first 4 months. 

I am still on zopiclone for sleep since the Fall. I could not handle the insomnia & horror. I figure it won’t be as hard to remove that after getting off AD after 25yrs. I hope. 

I also wanted to share something that might give more light to all of this suffering: Eckhart Tolle. And Byron Katie. Key spiritual speakers who themselves pulled themselves out of severe depression, and also became enlightened to boot. I am planning to go back to work in 2 months after being off for over a year.  

-Jt