Raelyn: 7 years later - trying to get my life back

[Raelyn]

On September 25, 2011, my universe stopped as I received the news my daughter Raelyn had died. I was in just as much shock that the "professionals" called it PTSD, as I was the moment it happened. I don't remember much of the next two years besides the fact I lost all my friends, career and gained 80 pounds. About March (I think) I had enough and tried to see a therapist. I told her I wanted to get a little bit better. I was very clear from my first visit, I wanted to get "a little bit" better. Since my general doctor was prescribing my Lexapro and Kolinipin, she wanted me to see a psychiatrist. I was absolutely against it because throughout my life, the three times I have seen one, my life came tumbling down. She was convinced I have bipolar and need a mood stabilizer. I stopped seeing her and on July 1 my big effort to FINALLY get this baby weight off went into effect. By the mid-july I was ready to get off Lexapro. I was at 20 mg, reduced 5 mg every week and a half. I was off of it by the anniversary date of my embryo transfer. That was important to me. YEP, then the horrible symptoms started. Vivid dreams went to insomnia went to ABSOLUTELY NO SLEEP. The ringing in my ears is driving me crazy. I smell different and can't seem to make it better. The random zaps of ??? in my body are just weird. Headaches, thirst, etc. That said. I am so proud of myself. This during the seventh year of anniversaries I am functioning at a higher level than ever. The most disappointing thing is that I hired a personal trainer (multiple times Olympian with multiple gold medals who went to college and has degrees in Kinesiology and nutrition), I was told I was not allowed to work out with them if I do not sleep. Now that I am in this no sleep phase I am being accused of "making excuses". It really hurts. Obviously, we are no longer a good fit, and I need to get this person out of my life. So, after another night of just laying in bed, I found this group and I am here. I was disappointed to learn that I did not taper correctly. 

[Gridley]

Welcome, Raelyn,

 

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.  The symptoms you are experiencing are due to withdrawal from a too-fast taper of the Lexapro.  

 

At Surviving Antidepressants, it is recommended that a person taper by no more than 10% of their current dose every four weeks.  

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

To help you understand the symptoms you are experiencing, here is some information on withdrawal.  The symptoms you listed are typical withdrawal symptoms.  Insomnia is one of the most common symptoms.

 

What is withdrawal syndrome.

 

Glenmullen’s withdrawal symptom list.

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

When we take medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.  

 

Youtube video, 4 minutes: Healing from antidepressants

 

To give members the best information, we ask them to summarize their medication history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly.  Please indicate whether you are still taking the Klonopin and the dosage.

 

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

 

Reinstatement of a very small dose of the original drug is the only known way to help alleviate withdrawal syndrome.  The only other alternative is to try and wait out the symptoms and manage as best you can until your central nervous system returns to homeostasis.  Unfortunately no one can give you an exact timeline as to when you will start feeling better and while some do recover relatively easily, for others it can take many months or longer.  Please read:

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms. -- at least the first page of the topic

 

Reinstatement isn’t a guarantee of diminished symptoms for everyone, but it’s the best tactic available.  You’re still in the time period where reinstatement predictably works, up to three months after last dose or dose reduction.  We usually suggest a much smaller reinstatement dose than your last dose.  These drugs are strong, and when updosing/reinstating it is better to start with a small amount and increase of symptoms remain unbearable.  If you take too much it may be too much for your brain and can cause you become unstable.  Sometimes it can be hard to regain stability after this happens.  Please do not start taking your previous full dose.  

 

If reinstatement is something you want to try, I would suggest a reinstatement of 1mg.  Then, after you have stabilized, you can begin a 10% taper of the 1 mg.

 

The following link contains information on how to acquire nonstandard doses, including making your own liquid.

Tips for tapering off Lexapro (escitalopram)

 

It takes about 4 days for a dose change to get to full state in the blood and a bit longer for it to register in the brain.  

 

I'm sorry you are being accused of "making excuses."  Those, including doctors, who have not experienced antidepressant withdrawal have no understanding of it--or even belief that protracted withdrawal exists.  

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Please research all supplements first and only add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems.

This is your introduction topic -- the place for you to ask questions, record symptoms, share your progress, and connect with other members of the SA community.  I hope you’ll find the information in the SA forums helpful for your situation.  I'm sorry that you are in the position that you need the information, but I am glad that you found us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Raelyn]

Thank you Gridley!

[jozeff]

Hello raelyn,

 

What a story... I just feel so sorry for you that you had to go through all this in your life. I have a 7 y old boy and can't even imagine how it must feel to loose a child. 

 

 

You have been really strong the last seven years!

 

If I understand correctly you tapered Lexapro in 6 weeks? That is really really fast. The reinstatement may be a good idea since you have relatively recent come off of Lexapro.

 

I take citalopram myself and you took Lexapro which is twice as strong if I'm right.  

I once or twice decreased 5 my in dose and I must say it's horrible stuff. I hope you get along quite well and your reinstatement will help your symptoms.

 

Take advice really seriously here! 

I listened to people here a few times and I'm glad I did because if it were for the doctor I'd be crawling out of my skin right now because of too fast a taper.

 

I wish you all the best! I admire your courage.

 

Cheers

 

Jozeff

 

 

 

 

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Raelyn.

 

A reinstatement of even 1mg Lexapro might help. It comes in a prescription liquid, see Tips for tapering off Lexapro (escitalopram)

 

Also see Important topics about symptoms, including sleep problems

 

Please let us know how you're doing.

[Raelyn]

Thank you. I want to do more research on reinstatement.

 

Jozeff, I didn’t know I wasn’t tapering correctly, I followed my doctors advice.

 

Now that I am here, I am fearful of drawing out this process longer than it needs to be. So moving forward, I will obviously do more research before taking any steps. 

 

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate your time!

[Carmie]

Hi Raelyn, 

 

Im so sorry to hear about the loss of your child, that must have been heartbreaking. I just want to give you a big hug🤗.

 

Gridley has given you some amazing advice here. This site has been such a blessing for everyone on it. It helps you makes sense of things and gives great guidelines. 

 

I would be a bit careful with your exercise. It’s best to just do gentle exercising as it can ramp up your CNS and make your withdrawal symptoms worse. 

 

Wishing you all all the best in your recovery💚

 

[jozeff]

Hi raelin, how are you doing?

 

 

[Carmie]

Hi Raelyn, 

 

Im wondering the same thing. How are you doing?

 

Sending hugs🤗

[Raelyn]

I seem to be good now. My sleep pattern has changed, but I am ok if it is the new normal.