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Derealization or Depersonalization (DR and DP)


squirrel

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Its not panic

or anxiety

just a pressure in my head that builds till my head feels like its floating and i am not connecting with the world around me. my legs are weak and my body feels weak and i feel I am on the outside looking in.

Started Seroxat(Paxil) for panic attacks in 1997 stopped the drug in 2005 tapered over 3 months ( doctors advice)

Suffered severe and protracted withdrawl ever since.

No other medication taken.

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Hey, Squirrel. Seems like depersonification/derealization. One of the most common symptoms. Do you experience it in particular circumstances? How often does it lift?

2000-2008 Paxil for a situational depression

2008 - Paxil c/t

Severe protracted WD syndrome ever since; improving

 

 

“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once”

Albert Einstein

 

"Add signature to your profile. This way we can help you even better!"

Surviving Antidepressants ;)

 

And, above all, ... keep walking. Just keep walking.

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seem to get it mostly during the day it can lift in the evening.

Started Seroxat(Paxil) for panic attacks in 1997 stopped the drug in 2005 tapered over 3 months ( doctors advice)

Suffered severe and protracted withdrawl ever since.

No other medication taken.

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hi Squirrel,

 

Neuroplastic is right maybe

 

depersonalization/derealization is linked to panic or lack of sleep also

 

i know you not feel panic, it is partial chemical symptoms from panic and other unknown

for me :

to simplify

to not have this, you need for example 600 receptors (serotonin , dopamin...), meds have detroyed alot, brain maybe has wrong rebuilt some others,

as long as your brain will not be able to better repair, it will be so,

but there are constantly updates and with time, a day , it can be ok , when the last good needed nerve is update to this function or system

suffering from this stimulate the repairing, alerts the system to correct something

we are updating (homeostasis...) all our life

for anxiety 

12 years paxil - cold turkey 1,5 month - switch celexa 1 year taper; total 13 years on brain meds 

67 years old - 9 years  med free

 

in protracted withdrawal

rigidity standing and walking, dryness gougerot-szoegren, sleep deteriorate,

function as have a lack of nerves, improving have been very little 

 

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I agree with NP that this sounds like DP/DR. Perhaps your w/d-induced low blood pressure also factors in.

 

I also agree it might be helpful to notice when it happens and then try to trace backwards -- did you just do something like go out, walk, get tired; or did you eat something; or have an emotional experience with someone?

 

If you can identify triggers, we might be able to help you brainstorm some things you could do to help.

 

Alternately, it may simply be tied to your daily biorhythm -- for example, when cortisol is higher during the day, you get this. When cortisol is lower at night, it lets up.

 

Have you found anything that helps with it at all -- exercise, relaxation technique, gardening, TV,tea???

1996-97 - Paxil x 9 months, tapered, suffered 8 months withdrawal but didn't know it was withdrawal, so...

1998-2001 - Zoloft, tapered, again unwittingly went into withdrawal, so...

2002-03 - Paxil x 20 months, developed severe headaches, so...

Sep 03 - May 05 - Paxil taper took 20 months, severe physical, moderate psychological symptoms

Sep 03 - Jun 05 - took Prozac to help with Paxil taper - not recommended

Jul 05 to date - post-taper, severe psychological, moderate physical symptoms, improving very slowly

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Indeed, the triggers can be cornucopious. Many folks reported even fluorescent light bring it on. The good news is that it has a tendency to lift for you.

 

To speed up neurogenesis you may want to do some mild physical exercises (plus endorphines also kick in, which helps a lot). Though you need to be careful to not overdo those.

2000-2008 Paxil for a situational depression

2008 - Paxil c/t

Severe protracted WD syndrome ever since; improving

 

 

“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once”

Albert Einstein

 

"Add signature to your profile. This way we can help you even better!"

Surviving Antidepressants ;)

 

And, above all, ... keep walking. Just keep walking.

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execise is difficult because I have balance problems( thanks to withdrawl).

Started Seroxat(Paxil) for panic attacks in 1997 stopped the drug in 2005 tapered over 3 months ( doctors advice)

Suffered severe and protracted withdrawl ever since.

No other medication taken.

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  • 3 months later...
  • Administrator

Yes, it goes away. I had it and I can honestly say I don't feel depersonalization anymore at all.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Many of us have experienced that bizarre and distressing feeling called depersonalization as an antidepressant withdrawal symptom. It exists outside of antidepressant withdrawal as well. This is an article about depersonalization as defined by mental health professionals.

 

Do You Feel Like a Stranger to Yourself?

By Elena Bezzubova, M.D., Ph.D. Psychology Today Jul 21 2011

 

I am often asked, even by colleagues in the mental health field, "What is Depersonalization Disorder?" For doctors and patients alike, Depersonalization Disorder, or DPD, is somewhat mysterious and difficult to define. And yet, some researchers consider it to be the third most common mental disorder, after depression and anxiety. Several research studies indicate that more than half of college students have experienced elements of depersonalization at one time or another. And many creative people, such as Poe or Sartre, have suffered from it. Deuce Bigelow director Harris Goldberg explored his experiences of depersonalization in the movie Numb.

 

Depersonalization may happen when you first wake up, or while flying on an airplane. You may link it to acute trauma or years of chronic stress, or to nothing at all. Sometimes it happens after smoking marijuana or using "club drugs."

 

The first signs are often felt as a "mental break." Suddenly, inexplicably, something changes --- common objects and familiar situations seem strange or foreign, as if you've found yourself in an unfamiliar world. And at the same time you feel unreal, "not yourself." You close your eyes and turn inward, but the very thoughts running through your head seem different. Patients feel as if they have no self that formerly enabled them to deal with the world around them, and with their inner world.

 

The most clinically true and psychologically sharp descriptions of depersonalization are those given by people with DPD. In his excellent book, Stranger to Myself, medical journalist and DPD survivor Jeffrey Abugel summarizes eight symptoms a person with DPD may experience:

 

  • Feeling panic. When a person first experiences DPD, he often feels as if he is going mad. Patients report feeling panic stricken, trapped "inside oneself" or thrown into an unfamiliar world they can't escape.
  • Lack of emotion. People with DPD describe feeling inhuman, like a robot or a rock. They experience a loss of spirit, "absence" of emotions, and no mood changes.
  • Feeling detached. People with DPD feel distant from others and themselves. Many describe the feeling of watching themselves, as if from above. Once-familiar objects seem strange.
  • Fixation/obsession. People with DPD repeatedly check their sanity. They sometimes fixate on the strangeness or foreignness of a single thought or object.
  • Abstract ruminating. People with DPD often dwell on the ideas of eternity and infinity. They think over and over about the nature of existence or the void and the dark mysteries of life.
  • Lifestyle changes. People with DPD are sometimes afraid to leave their houses or engage in activities that might trigger panic attacks. They stop traveling, talking to others, watching TV, even going to doctors.
  • Feeling possessed. People with DPD in some cases report feeling as if an evil entity has taken up residence inside their head, watching them and making negative comments.
  • Acting "as if." People with DPD suffer from not feeling that they are acting, but instead they have a strange feeling of "as-if acting." They feel that they "imitate" moods and expressions, as if trying to "act normal" around others. But they continue to feel like outsiders who aren't part of ordinary life.
....

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-search-self/201107/do-you-feel-stranger-yourself

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I had one of the worst cases they have seen of DP, caused by the acute withdrawal of klonopin.

It lasted many years after the withdrawal was over and reason for the Effexor.

It slowly faded out over a period of 8 years although when stressed enough, it can,for me, return temporary in a lesser form.

I relate to all of the 8 symptoms described above..if you don't know what this is, it is petrifying which makes the condition much worse.

10 yrs on 37.5 Effexor

came off too quicky June 2011+ at the same time put on 150mg Wellbutrin.

Things not working out and started to taper off Wellbutrin July 21.

Schedule is:

Week 1: 37.5mg 3 times a day ( total of 112.5 mg)

Week 2: 37.5 mg 2 times a day ( total of 75mg)

Week 3: 18.75mg 2 times a day ( total of 37.5mg)

Week 4: 18.75mg once day

Week 5: off

 

As of July 27th...reinstated on Effexor 37.5mg

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I had it for several years myself, after Paxil withdrawal. It gradually got better.

 

It can be frightening, but you can look at it as a symptom of withdrawal, know that your brain will heal itself, and keep yourself from adding fear and panic to the symptoms.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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This is so horrible. The lack of emotion part rings true.

 

Looking back, I experienced this a lot without realizing it, when I came off ssris previously.

Off Lexapro since 3rd November 2011.

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I read a tip recently on an unrelated forum, for depersonalization/derealization/out-of-body types of feelings. The tip was to focus on your sense of touch. I had extreme DP/DR for over three years, and during that time only my sense of touch could be trusted (sense of sight and sound being exaggerated or distorted, and, due to benzos, sense of taste and smell being extremely dulled.) It might not be enough to get you back into consensual reality, but at least it temporarily confirms that you still are in that reality.

 

 

Hope that helps someone.

I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

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That's a good tip, UnfoldingSky.

 

Sometimes, a hug from my friend will make me feel all the more better. It's like being back in reality in some odd way, rather than stuck inside your own thoughts about the world.

 

Sometimes I will just lie on the floor in my flat, feeling the carpet, the texture and so on. It helps.

Off Lexapro since 3rd November 2011.

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  • 2 months later...

can someone explain how this feels? I feel spaced out but think it may be this Depersonalization

Started Seroxat(Paxil) for panic attacks in 1997 stopped the drug in 2005 tapered over 3 months ( doctors advice)

Suffered severe and protracted withdrawl ever since.

No other medication taken.

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HI Squirrel,

 

Depersonalisation is a feeling of watching oneself, while having no control over the situation, you feel like you have changed, and the world around you has become less real and vague and dreamlike, its a feeling of living life in a dream.

 

Incidentally, its also a classic wd symptom of many drugs, not just ads and benzos, and tricyclic antidepressants are usually offered to help with it lol.

Its also the third most common psychological symptom reported after anxiety and depression.

 

Hope this helps you decide wether you do indeed have depersonalisation x

Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011.

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As I understand it, depersonalization is usually described as a feeling of not really being present, or being behind glass, or not living one's life and feeling one's feelings -- being an observer.

 

I had this for quite a while. I guess it very gradually diminished, until one day I realized I felt I *was* present. It was a very different feeling, and a huge relief.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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for me derealization is to not be in reality, as behind a window, as in a dream...

 

depersonalization is personality who has problem, asking who i am, where i go, if i am not mad...

 

they are often a little mixed, i suffer near constantly from derealization, and from time to time some depersonalization

for anxiety 

12 years paxil - cold turkey 1,5 month - switch celexa 1 year taper; total 13 years on brain meds 

67 years old - 9 years  med free

 

in protracted withdrawal

rigidity standing and walking, dryness gougerot-szoegren, sleep deteriorate,

function as have a lack of nerves, improving have been very little 

 

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I had that quite often in the first 6 or 7 months in my wd and occasionally afterwards. For me it was very often combined with anxiety and when I felt safe (for example during my hospital stay) it was completely gone. Though this was more a kind of derealisation.

Depersonalisation I have nearly every day and I attribute it to my malfunctioning nervous system. My body just does not feel right most of the time.

End of 2008: Remeron 15mg for around 2 months. Unorthodox taper, no problems.
End of August 2009: Lexapro 10mg for only 4 days. Panic attack after 3 pills. Severe gastro problems in the morning for 3 days after last pill. 2 weeks later strong w/d symptoms set in.

Acute WD lasted around 3.5 years. I am feeling much better today, 5.5 years out, but still have some symptoms left.

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For me it was very often combined with anxiety and when I felt safe (for example during my hospital stay) it was completely gone. Though this was more a kind of derealisation.

 

yes,it is often the result of permanent panic state(even when we feel quiet but body is not really quiet)

for anxiety 

12 years paxil - cold turkey 1,5 month - switch celexa 1 year taper; total 13 years on brain meds 

67 years old - 9 years  med free

 

in protracted withdrawal

rigidity standing and walking, dryness gougerot-szoegren, sleep deteriorate,

function as have a lack of nerves, improving have been very little 

 

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I've had these symptoms as well. I am wondering, does it also include a feeling of life being a ridiculous idea? Or is that something else? I would feel like it's all so meaningless and stupid as well as unreal. These feelings are so devastating. I have to make a huge effort to cling to the Divine and stay in the Now as I tend to dwell on the future and how gloomy it looks. I'd get a little relief with grounding techniques and rosaries. But it is difficult. Fortunately I'm not experiencing that atm though.

Taper from Cymbalta, Paxil, Prozac & Antipsychotics finished June 2012.

Xanax 5% Taper - (8/12 - .5 mg) - (9/12 - .45) - (10/12 - .43) - (11/12 - .41) - (12/12 - .38)

My Paxil Website

My Intro

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've had these symptoms as well. I am wondering, does it also include a feeling of life being a ridiculous idea? Or is that something else? I would feel like it's all so meaningless and stupid as well as unreal. These feelings are so devastating. I have to make a huge effort to cling to the Divine and stay in the Now as I tend to dwell on the future and how gloomy it looks. I'd get a little relief with grounding techniques and rosaries. But it is difficult. Fortunately I'm not experiencing that atm though.

 

Shanti,

Yes yes yes. IMHO, of course.

 

Also, the comment about DP/DR being alleviated when feeling safe hits home. I can't seem to find any safe place and don't know if it is result of DP/DR and feeling unable to connect w people. I cannot handle anyone else throwing advice my way when they do not understand the universal denial of the issue by a system that is very broken and invested in not allowing the truth to surface. This concept is absolutely impossible to explain to someone who does not have imminent reason or need to consider it may have validity.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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i tend to isolate myself from time to time and this is bad for me. i find that when i pick myself and do something even something minor i feel better.

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Excellent suggestion, jake. Being as active as possible can help in a lot of ways.

 

See "Change the channel" -- dealing with cognitive symptoms.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Also, the comment about DP/DR being alleviated when feeling safe hits home. I can't seem to find any safe place and don't know if it is result of DP/DR and feeling unable to connect w people. I cannot handle anyone else throwing advice my way when they do not understand the universal denial of the issue by a system that is very broken and invested in not allowing the truth to surface. This concept is absolutely impossible to explain to someone who does not have imminent reason or need to consider it may have validity.

 

I'm the same, Barbara. I tried to explain to my friend yesterday how I feel my problems are so bad and he was giving the conventional advice you would give to someone upset, but because I know my problems are much deeper, I felt like I had to keep a lot in or risk appearing irrational.

It seems like my reality caused by withdrawal is an alternate universe that everyone denies exists.

 

Because of this it seems like I cannot "get over" my upset/trauma over this problem. There is nowhere to turn to. But still, I appreciate that people care enough to try and help, I guess its the best one can expect.

Off Lexapro since 3rd November 2011.

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Phil.

'Twilight Zone' feels like an apt description for me. I find myself wondering how others perceive me--do they see how odd I feel? Do they feel the barrier between us? I know I'm not psychotic in the traditional sense of the word. However, I've heard psychosis defined as 'a break with reality' and that begs the question "whose reality??"

No, I am not labeling any of this as psychosis but acknowledging that it is an altered perception or state, similar to any drug that effects CNS. I will go out on a limb and compare it to a dissociative state (sometimes induced by LSD or psilocybin for medical reasons), not that I know what that feels like!

That just triggered more theories that I will keep to myself for now.

Have you read some of the discussions in the Finding Meaning section? Kundalini experience, etc. I think you will be able to relate.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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  • 3 months later...

This is SUCH a horrific symptom, from the way I've experienced it. I have literally had it 100% of the time for about 4 years now. It's basically a perceptual disturbance where objects look flat, even 2-dimensional if you have it really badly. It also makes other people seem like they're far away, and when you see an image of yourself its hard to recognize it as yourself. For a better description sans brain fog, here's a wikipedia page on it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derealization

Does anyone have experience with it?

I've always been convinced it's just a side-effect of the psych meds. But there used to be an entire forum similar to this one just on the subject of dp/dr (not sure if still on the net), but no one ever mentioned it being caused by meds, mostly only generally traumatic events or weed. So if anyone knows of a possible treatment or cure that's safe during withdrawal, please share..

Goldy's (18yr old) history:

07-08: Lexapro, Wellbutrin, Effexor, Cymbalta--All withdrawn abrubtly. Only had bad w/d symptoms from Cymbalta. 08-'11- Prescribed Geodon, took until October '11, gradually withdrawn randomly from 120mg-70mg , naturopath helped w/d the rest with GF diet and neuroscience :/.

09-now: Lorazepam, doctor ct'ed from 3mg in Oct '11 until Dec '11 [HORRID!], reinstated to 3mg.

Zoloft: overstimulation effects on dec 20th '11, naturopath ct'ed it, reinstated to 25mg

Now: Suffering terrible symptoms continously from 08-now, now on 20mg Zoloft, 3mg Ativan.

-PLEASE HELP ME FIND A DOC! PM ME.-

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1601-goldy-reduced-zoloft-too-fast/page__gopid__15777

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Goldy,

There is another thread on this. I'll try to find.

YES this is one of the worst, disorienting, and anxiety-producing feelings for me. I feel some paranoia, too, wondering if others notice how flat I feel.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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  • 5 months later...

yes, I just feel like I dont want too ask my family for help. but I do. feel as if nothing I see is what it is. like it takes me a minutes too understand what I was doing or like this is a nightmare. like nobody around thinks this is real, what I feel is beyond what wordso too somebody can fix.

"Before God, We were all equally wise and equally foolish."-Albert Einstein

Paxil(paroxetine) 20mg prescribed in april 2012

C'T paxil after 30 days.

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  • 1 month later...

I suffer from DR more than DP. I had it really bad for the first time when I was 14, related to anxiety. It almost went away, but has always been there. For the past year and a half it has been chronic. Really bad, no reprieve at all. Began before I had ever even thought about weaning off anything. Had been telling every psych I saw the same thing, "stuck in a dream," "nothing feels real," blah blah blah. They just kind of ignored me. I would try to describe it to my husband, but for someone who has never experienced it, it's very difficult to understand. After trying to explain this horrible feeling to the therapist I have now, she told me it was DR, induced by anxiety. My husband researched it on the internet, the exact phrases and descriptions that I'd been saying for a year and a half were mentioned on the sites. It seems like if I weren't stuck in this disoriented, dream-like state the other issues I'm trying to deal with wouldn't be so bad. The smallest things are just overwhelming. I just want out.

9-16-12: Lamictal 400, Effexor 150, Wellbutrin 300, Ambien 5, Klonopin 2

 

9-17-12: Lamictal 200, C/T Effexor, C/T Wellbutrin, Ambien 5, Klonopin 2

 

9-21-12: Lamictal 100, Effexor 150, Ambien 10, Klonopin 3

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A lot of people find this to be their most distressing drug-related symptom.

 

I suffered from it for about 3 years after quitting Paxil, but it did very gradually lighten and then go away.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Yes... this is very distressing. It feels for me really dreadful, not just a neutral derealization or depersonalization. Like everything is distant and hostile.

 

I still get it occasionally, but I have to say this is the major thing I've seen improvement with. DP/DR were the first symptoms to start to resolve themselves. So, courage! The best thing is not to try to fight it, but just observe yourself going through it and try not to "think" through it too much.

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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In my 3rd month off Cipralex these feelings of detachment and altered perceptions started kicking in. I remember those same feelings pre-antidepressants, in my childhood and young adulthood and can now connect them with pretty intense anxiety - sort of like an ongoing panic attack without the physical symptoms of alarm. How grateful I was when they disappeared with antidepressant therapy - but along with that so too did all my other emotions.

 

Approaching my 4th month drug-free I still feel like this alot of the time but I started exercising and it really, really helps. I'm talking swimming and walking, nothing too strenuous but wow, what a difference. I highly recommend it for anyone suffering with this frightening, distressing symptom.

 

Pandora

 06/12 - Tapered off Cipralex. 30mg/Lithium 600mg/Epival 500mg

Very difficult time with 3-month taper off all drugs.

11/12 - Doc prescribed clonazepam 1 mg. for insomnia

01/14 - Clonazepan taper from 1 mg to .75 mg, then liquid microtaper to .638 mg. Depersonalization, extreme fatigue, muscle aches off/on.

05/15 - Switched to dry cut at .625 mg. Ok for 2-3 weeks, then same strong symptoms. Holding .625 mg.

06/15 - Switched over to liquid dosing .3125 ml 2x/day, 11 am & 11 pm.  Symptoms mild and no sleep issues.  Holding .625 mg/day.

10/15 - down to .530 mg. clonazepam in 4 months. .265 mg 2x/ day @ 10 am/10 pm. 

11/15 - holding at .528

11/15 - started microtaper to relieve persistent w/d symptoms

01/16 - microtaper not improving things; extremely sensitive to slightest decreases 

02/16 - holding at .524. 

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Interesting, Pandora... I too remember those feelings pre-meds, though they were a lot more manageable and a bit different. I used to call it being "homesick" when I was a kid, even when I was at home. Sleep was my remedy, or getting lost in a book. But the kind of DP/DR I got when quitting meds was way beyond that. It was like that Sunday feeling magnified by 1000 and on acid. I thought of it as limbo... like being in a nightmare that had no end, with the nightmare not just outside, but in my own psyche so that I had no recognizable sense of self.

 

I realize being off meds, though, that I have to accomodate and accept that I'll feel a bit of detachment, homesick feeling, distance... whatever, now and then. I wish I had learned to deal with it before without meds, because it WAS to a large degree "treatable"... I know I'd feel better if I got active, was distracted. While at the worst of my withdrawal, absolutely nothing helped. Not sunshine or puppies or nice smells or a hug or anything. It's the closest I've felt to being absolutely crazy. But Alto recommended doing the things that would normally make me feel better anyway: a cup of tea, fresh sheets on the bed, a shower, sunshine, plants. It didn't seem to make a difference at the moment, but I think it helped.

 

I remind myself of that when I hit a ditch now, too. The past few days I've been feeling awful, and I can't seem to snap out of it, but I'm just going through the motions and over the days I think I'm slowly improving. First and foremost I'm trying to accept and even embrace where I'm at now. No use in digging in my heels.

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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"Limbo" is a good word. Reminds me of the song (Katy Perry, I think)... feeling like a plastic bag ... drifting through the wind.

 

Unsettling, ungrounded. Freefall. Unable to connect to anything or anyone.

 

Even now, it's often only my animals who "get through".

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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