Derealization or Depersonalization (DR and DP)

[Edmunds]

Thanks to TryingtohaveHope for these comments about depersonalization and ACT. My experience, off and on for months or years at a time, has been with derealization, which is probably easier to bear in the way I have experienced it than depersonalization. Since starting to taper ADs 15 months ago, with SA's wonderful support, the feeling of being in a dream, behind a veil, etc. has been more difficult, along with anxiety and blurry vision, all of which are part of the same package. The therapist I had for several years was a great advocate of ACT, and I believe that it has helped me, if not to get relief from the symptoms, but to understand what is going on and how to respond, especially, as you say, by defusing thoughts and by proceeding to live in the ways I value (as best one can during a global pandemic!).

[Jb1378]

On 7/22/2011 at 4:31 PM, Altostrata said:

I had it for several years myself, after Paxil withdrawal. It gradually go better.

 

It can be frightening, but you can look at it as a symptom of withdrawal, know that your brain will heal itself, and keep yourself from adding fear and panic to the symptoms.

Hi I’m Dealing with derealazation which has been constant since I was tapered of Paxil in 8 days. Not sure what to do or if it will go away. It’s affecting everything and I’m scared to do just little things. Do you have any advice. I’m also dealing with mold toxicity just for context of situation. Waves of depression and anxiety 

[Edmunds]

I would be pleased to trade some thoughts and experiences about derealization. I have a history of long periods of derealization extending back to age 19, which was a very long time ago. In those days I had no idea what was happening to me, and if I had gone to doctors they would not have had much of a clue either. I have also had extended periods, one lasting about 17 years, when I had no derealization symptoms at all. I was on Prozac at the time, but I'm less sure now that I can attribute feeling better for that long to that particular med.

 

The derealization started getting worse about 16 months ago following way-too-short tapers from Effexor and Wellbutrin. Last January I started to taper more slowly from Prozac (which I had started again as a sub for Effexor). But I did not go slowly enough, especially in the past several months when my doses were getting down to a few mgs and I was too eager to make a dash for the finish line. With great SA help, I'm now holding at 1.8 mgs. Derealization intertwined with gnawing anxiety (as opposed to panic attacks, which I haven't had), plus somewhat blurry vision, have been much more aggravating since early summer. I also suffer from esphoria, or double vision, and I've had trouble getting the right glasses prescription that corrects it (with prisms) without making my vision fuzzier.

 

For me, derealization is a feeling that can be described in several ways: being in a fog, living in a dream, seeing the world "out there" as if it's on a screen, being disconnected from my surroundings, feeling like my head is heavy, hypersensitivity to light and to just being outside or in, say, a supermarket, where I feel really disconnected. The link between derealization and anxiety is evident. I manage best when I'm in the house, even in front of my computer, where I don't have so much stress trying to sort out and make sense of multiple shapes, objects, and colors. The derealization does not come and go, it's there all the time, though I seem to cope a bit better during the evening, when the anxiety tends to back off.

 

I'm very grateful, however, that I have never experienced  other derealization symptoms or symptoms of depersonalization. Nor do I have insomnia.

 

With SA support and a good therapist (who has some knowledge of dissociative disorders) I'm just moving from one day to the next. I've learned a lot from ACT and CBT literature, which has helped me cope from day to day. And of course my SA moderators keep reminding me that I will recover.

 

Is your experience of derealization similar to mine?

[bheb]

19 hours ago, Edmunds said:

Is your experience of derealization similar to mine?

Yes mine is pretty much the same. I have constant pure DR (no DP), head heaviness, weird visual stuff (my eyes constantly want to zone out/stare into space like they’re really fatigued even absent screen time).

 

I havent heard of ACT. Going to look into it.

 

Oh one difference though is I don’t feel anxious (at least consciously) and DR does not vary with respect to anxiety or stress.

[bheb]

On 4/28/2020 at 2:36 PM, lxjuice said:

Are you saying DP/DR cannot be dealt with in therapy, because it definitely can.

The problem is it can’t if there’s not underlying anxiety/depression attached to it right? My therapist said she was at a loss. Which I respect as it’s increasingly clear to me that this was withdrawal induced. And the only thing to fix that is time I’m guessing. Of course, derealization does happen with MH concerns, but it’s definitely possible have it months post discontinuation/taper. I even asked the therapist to try to approach in the way she would for a regular anxiety client and it was a no go.

 

But I am interested in any possible therapies or exercises one can do even if it’s not normal anxiety induced.

 

Or are we thinking that WD-induced DR comes from its own WD-induced anxiety? That may look different? So complicated.

[Edmunds]

Here are two books on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. The first is a general introduction:

 

Russ Harris

The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living

Trumpeter, 2008

 

The second applies ACT and other therapeutic approaches to DP/DR.

 

Fugen Neziroglu and Katharine Donnelly

Overcoming Depersonalization Disorder

New Harbinger, 2010

[Abdullah]

This is one of the best videos I've seen on dp/Dr 

 

[mustafa]

On 3/20/2021 at 8:15 AM, Abdullah said:

This is one of the best videos I've seen on dp/Dr 

 

Thanks for just a great video, it brought alot of relaxation.

شكرا جزيلا

[gardenlady]

I can only describe what I'm experiencing as personality disintegration, separate from depersonalization and derealization, so perhaps I should start a new topic.  I wonder if anyone else has had this and recovered.  I cannot relate to people anymore and am a stranger to the person I once was and the person that my former friends expect to encounter when they see or talk to me.  The only way I know how to express what's happened is to tell them that the person they once knew doesn't exist anymore...she's gone.  They think I'm crazy and have a mental illness whereas I know it's all caused by psych drug withdrawal.  I've been in this disintegrated personality state for over three years now and it seem to be getting worse.

 

I'll complete my Cymbalta taper in September 2021 at which time I'll be 100% psych drug free.  Is it possible to heal from personality disintegration?  I've been on various antidepressants for over 30 years and none of them ever helped which is why I got off as I no longer wanted to be drug dependent on a drug that did me no good and only harm.  My Cymbalta taper has been brutal and agonizing despite going slowly.

[morgana]

i have just watched this video and i didnt realize how bad i have this...i was in a car accident when i was 18years old. one side of my head and face was being crushed betwen the dash board and the roof while i laid upside down in the car...i walked out of the car accident..afterwards i thought boy i was lucky i didnt die...than when i was 26 years old i began taking zoloft and i felt i was in a different reality..things only got worse from than on i remember feeling "dead", and asking nurses if i was alive, i thought i had actually died in that car accident but didnt realize it... started taking zyprexa and because of hallucinating and seeing myself outside of my body like i was observing from a distance, these were constant everyday occurrences which i soon believed was a just part of the schizophrenia i had to just put up with...i felt dead, one time i saw snow falling down on me inside an office room, i feel there is someone else inside my body, alot of the time i do not know who i am anymore, my mind is blank, empty like a shell, especially notice it at night trying to sleep, i feel i am not sleeping in my bed but just "resting in peace" like they say the dead are, they dont sleep they just rest, and the peace is that there are no thoughts...thats me...i find since reducing the medications over the last 3 years or so i am beginning to feel more myself and more connected to reality, to me this sounds more like i have this than actual schizophrenia, i have very few hallucinations now..if any but i still feel i cannot connect with people like i use to..i still feel that people are inside my body..but it lessening..which is a good sign..

[UnfoldingSky]

Morgana, hi & welcome, my Dad had DP/DR after a car accident too.  He also didn't have a name for what was happening.  He said any time he had alcohol after that it got worse, then over time it slowly faded. 

 

[morgana]

hello @UnfoldingSky , its really weird, i had the car accident when i was 18years old, and was not aware of any strange thoughts or feelings or anything wrong until i went on anti-depressants and anti-psychotics at the age of 26 years old, it was than i started getting confused about time, blank mind, thinking i am dead, and pretty much the whole eight symptoms, but i was never diagnosed with DP/DR i was diagnosed with schizo effective disorder, depression and borderline personality disorder which i was forced medicated for...since reducing my medications my symptoms have improved 80%, i very rarely hallucinate now, missing time sometimes only now, feeling dead and not connected to my body still happens but alot less however the empty mind and no thoughts is still really bad and is always there...especially while laying in bed, i remember a buddist i knew says when he meditates he needs to not think. which he really struggled with..he said that the mind needs to be an empty space....well i do not need to meditate to feel like this, i feel like it all the of the time..apart , from thinking about  food which is alot...i thought the reason i lost my ability to think was because they gave me a "chemical lobotomy", and so now i do not know why i have no thoughts...would it be because of the DP/DR or the drugs they have given me....i wonder if other people who are on psychiatric drugs have this problem? only since being on these medications....  i am sure the many head injuries i have had eg falling off horse and hitting my head on a railway line and getting knocked unconscious probably has  caused me alot of symptoms but at the time (very young)  i was never aware of any...as for alcohol i was always a blackouter when i drank alot...its good to know it faded away for your dad...maybe in time it will get even better for me...but at present my anxiety is quite high so probably wont happen for awhile yet....

[UnfoldingSky]

Hi morgana,

 

Everything you describe can indeed happen because of psychiatric drugs.  I also had issues with pills and I had the blank mind issue, too, I also felt like I had died though logically I knew I had not. I also was missing time for years, I was basically "trapped" living in the present moment for about three years time.  Funny you should mention Buddhism I used to be into it before the pills hurt me and know what was meant by seeking a blank mental state but I didn't think it would happen the way it did! This was from a severe reaction to an antidepressant followed by other sorts of pills that just compounded the problem.  It sounds like you have had some really hard situations in life!  I used to know and work with people who had head injuries, I wonder if your past head injuries may have made you more susceptible to ill effects of psych drugs?  

 

Also I was diagnosed as depressed anxious before this happened to me but absolutely the problems I describe above were from the pills (I was diagnosed as having suffered a very severe reaction to the antidepressant and later having withdrawal from another kind of pill, the problems only started after that). 

[UnfoldingSky]

1 minute ago, UnfoldingSky said:

.

 

[morgana]

@UnfoldingSky i am going through now what you are describing what you went through for 3 years...(only noticed this since tapering) but what i have been trying to do is remember good times that i have had in the past try and reminisce times where i knew i was really happy but i cannot do it, i cannot feel those experiences and its the same with bad experiences that have happened to me as well, i cannot put myself back in those situations and experience what i felt...good or bad i just cannot....with the bad experiences i am glad i cannot relive them as i probably wouldnt be able to cope with them but it would be nice if i could relive the feelings and enjoyment i once had in the past, its yeah like just living everyday in the "present", i feel like a buddist monk that has spent decades trying to learn this skill...

 

i feel so empty, i cannot think, i cannot feel, i feel so disconnected from life...however since tapering i feel i am slowly starting to feel more connected to my body which is good, you know...i think this is going to take a long time to get back my humaness  back again...i think its going to be a long difficult road to travel....

[hayduke]

I found trauma therapy really got to the heart of DR, DP and in fact the dissociation that was a direct reaction of my young and overwhelmed brain to the traumatic experiences.  I'd say any unhealthy degree of dissociating just stopped happening after that.  I can also remember clearly how my brain would just start doing it in certain situations, and what a surprise and relief it is to know that's all in the past, and my nervous system's basically set straight again.

 

I also notice DP/DR seems to manifest sometimes just from the drug WDs as well, as others have noticed.  Probably a good cue to hold until it passes.

[UnfoldingSky]

On 8/16/2021 at 3:56 AM, morgana said:

@UnfoldingSky i am going through now what you are describing what you went through for 3 years...(only noticed this since tapering) but what i have been trying to do is remember good times that i have had in the past try and reminisce times where i knew i was really happy but i cannot do it, i cannot feel those experiences and its the same with bad experiences that have happened to me as well, i cannot put myself back in those situations and experience what i felt...good or bad i just cannot....with the bad experiences i am glad i cannot relive them as i probably wouldnt be able to cope with them but it would be nice if i could relive the feelings and enjoyment i once had in the past, its yeah like just living everyday in the "present", i feel like a buddist monk that has spent decades trying to learn this skill...

 

i feel so empty, i cannot think, i cannot feel, i feel so disconnected from life...however since tapering i feel i am slowly starting to feel more connected to my body which is good, you know...i think this is going to take a long time to get back my humaness  back again...i think its going to be a long difficult road to travel....

 

I had such an impossible time trying to connect to older positive memories from before the pills hurt me.  I can totally relate.   What little I could get back seemed so vague and almost like they weren't even my memories. I think you will improve though I know I did.  

 

 

[morgana]

yes i think i will improve with time @UnfoldingSky as i get glimpses from my past that i havnt thought of in over 20 years, and i think wow where did that come from and  sometimes i think of people i once knew from my past without even trying...so they are positive signs...thankyou for sharing your experiences..cheers morgana

[Kat66]

On 7/13/2021 at 10:12 AM, gardenlady said:

I can only describe what I'm experiencing as personality disintegration, separate from depersonalization and derealization, so perhaps I should start a new topic.  I wonder if anyone else has had this and recovered.  I cannot relate to people anymore and am a stranger to the person I once was and the person that my former friends expect to encounter when they see or talk to me.  The only way I know how to express what's happened is to tell them that the person they once knew doesn't exist anymore...she's gone.  They think I'm crazy and have a mental illness whereas I know it's all caused by psych drug withdrawal.  I've been in this disintegrated personality state for over three years now and it seem to be getting worse.

 

I'll complete my Cymbalta taper in September 2021 at which time I'll be 100% psych drug free.  Is it possible to heal from personality disintegration?  I've been on various antidepressants for over 30 years and none of them ever helped which is why I got off as I no longer wanted to be drug dependent on a drug that did me no good and only harm.  My Cymbalta taper has been brutal and agonizing despite going slowly.

Your situation @gardenlady strikes such a chord with me, as regards personality disintegration, loss of the person you were. Just wanted to say....

[keogh08]

Hi

 

I am 2 years out of adverse reaction and still suffering with DP/DR it is my main symptom. At this stage are there any supplements i can try to decrease this? This is a daily struggle and making simple tasks extremely difficult. 

[Rusty1]

3 hours ago, keogh08 said:

Hi

 

I am 2 years out of adverse reaction and still suffering with DP/DR it is my main symptom. At this stage are there any supplements i can try to decrease this? This is a daily struggle and making simple tasks extremely difficult. 

You should post your signature so everyone can easily get a better idea of your history with these meds.

 

Not knowing your situation...I had an adverse reaction with 24/7 derealization for 2 years. It started to slowly go away as I stabilized and figured out a slower taper schedule.

Took probably 3 years or so to completely resolve. IMO finally making the jump to 0 helped the last remaining parts of it.

[keogh08]

Thank you for your reply. 

 

I had an instant adverse reaction to 5 doses of citalopram in Sept 2018. No other history of medication. 

 

Did this slowly go away or was it noticeable?

[keogh08]

1 hour ago, keogh08 said:

@Rusty1 Thank you for your reply. 

 

I had an instant adverse reaction to 5 doses of citalopram in Sept 2018. No other history of medication. 

 

Did this slowly go away or was it noticeable?

 

[hayduke]

Working through more trauma as it comes up.  Posting here for reference because as well as waves of anxiety and other suppressed emotions being released around it, there are some considerable waves of derealisation too.

 

From experience these don't persist or hang about long, it's just all part of, or very close to, the muck and emotional release.

 

Self care, relaxation and the usual modes of dispelling anxiety are all good to call on here.

Edited September 3, 2021 by hayduke

[Meeto]

Have your vision issues gotten better?

[Meeto]

On 7/31/2019 at 3:37 PM, Hopefuly1 said:

When i look at lights i see trails/halos, feel pressure in the head, cannot understand human behaviour, no feelings/emotions, imposible to read/watch movies/listen feel music, its like i am brain dead, wathing my phone ot laptop its like i see 2D instead of 3D. Is that derealization? Is it ever going away?  

Warm wishes to everyonet

Has this improved for you?

[Roboroxxy]

On 11/26/2017 at 8:43 AM, Deise said:

Hi everyone.

 

Did the dp/dr got worse to anyone after eating? I find that happens to me and I would like to know if it happened to someone else and if maybe someone knows why that might happen. I found it gets worse after every meal, but worst still if I have a big meal.

This is what is happening to me right now! It becomes so severe after eating! Did you ever figure this out? And could you suggest a list of foods for me to eat? I become disabled by depersonalization an hour after eating 💔 I have lost so much weight as a result as I don't want to eat and trigger it. I also cannot tolerate any other medications or supplements. Not even camomile tea.

[Roboroxxy]

I have dpdr due to tapering off risperidone. I didn't even get 1/4 of the way down in dose when this all began. It is now more severe after trying zoloft for 16 days (been off almost 2 weeks). Should I just stay on risperidone and hope that when I stablize on the dose I'm on that this will go away eventually or should I continue to taper off and hope the withdrawals don't make it worse. I cannot even eat without it making my dpdr way worse to the point I feel like I'm in a dementia like state of fog. It makes me completely disabled after I eat. Mornings are usually better and night time is way worse, cannot even eat at night time or else I suffer really badly. 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

58 minutes ago, Roboroxxy said:

I have dpdr due to tapering off risperidone. I didn't even get 1/4 of the way down in dose when this all began. It is now more severe after trying zoloft for 16 days (been off almost 2 weeks). Should I just stay on risperidone and hope that when I stablize on the dose I'm on that this will go away eventually or should I continue to taper off and hope the withdrawals don't make it worse. I cannot even eat without it making my dpdr way worse to the point I feel like I'm in a dementia like state of fog. It makes me completely disabled after I eat. Mornings are usually better and night time is way worse, cannot even eat at night time or else I suffer really badly. 

It’s weird how different these evil drugs affect people… I also suffer severe dpdr after tapering Zoloft but in my case it gets slightly better when I eat… I am sorry ur suffering with this, it is a bizarre and debilitating symptom and it’s hard for anyone to advice the best way moving forward . I thought staying off Zoloft after tapering was the best thing to do but I now regret it and I think the best thing would have been if I had stayed on a low dose of Zoloft, stabilize and then quit extremely slowly…. 

[Roboroxxy]

14 minutes ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

It’s weird how different these evil drugs affect people… I also suffer severe dpdr after tapering Zoloft but in my case it gets slightly better when I eat… I am sorry ur suffering with this, it is a bizarre and debilitating symptom and it’s hard for anyone to advice the best way moving forward . I thought staying off Zoloft after tapering was the best thing to do but I now regret it and I think the best thing would have been if I had stayed on a low dose of Zoloft, stabilize and then quit extremely slowly…. 

Sorry to hear. How long have you been suffering with this for?

[JesusSavemefromWD]

4 minutes ago, Roboroxxy said:

Sorry to hear. How long have you been suffering with this for?

My case is rare and severe , it’s a year now but I had an adverse reaction so these take much longer to heal, so please don’t get discouraged by my story. My dpdr has improved over time but still way from normal… I also have visual issues from Zoloft which make the dpdr more intense, I think if I didn’t have the visual issues the improvements I had in DPdr would have been more noticeable….. 

[Roboroxxy]

57 minutes ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

My case is rare and severe , it’s a year now but I had an adverse reaction so these take much longer to heal, so please don’t get discouraged by my story. My dpdr has improved over time but still way from normal… I also have visual issues from Zoloft which make the dpdr more intense, I think if I didn’t have the visual issues the improvements I had in DPdr would have been more noticeable….. 

Sad to hear that. A year is a long time. I've been in this knee deep for 2 months now. I have had a few windows though so I hope that means it's not hear to stay. I think I might just stay on my medication if I stabilize because I don't want to go through this again if I taper off again. Also, something that is strange is during my window, I could eat whatever I wanted and didn't react... it's such a strange illness.

[Roboroxxy]

On 10/15/2021 at 11:16 AM, Meeto said:

Has this improved for you?

Hi, I hope you don't mind but I just read some of your posts. Have you been struggling with dpdr for a while now? I think I have been kindled and my dpdr is due to withdrawal. The dpdr got way worse after taking zoloft to try and help it for 16 days (stopped 2 weeks ago) and I think it sent my nervous system over the edge. I cannot even eat food without it severely triggering my dpdr. Did that happen to you at all? 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

1 hour ago, Roboroxxy said:

Sad to hear that. A year is a long time. I've been in this knee deep for 2 months now. I have had a few windows though so I hope that means it's not hear to stay. I think I might just stay on my medication if I stabilize because I don't want to go through this again if I taper off again. Also, something that is strange is during my window, I could eat whatever I wanted and didn't react... it's such a strange illness.

If I could turn the time back I would have done the same ; stay on the low dose instead of rushing to get it out of my body, so I think ur making the right decision. Yes one year is too long and the suffering is so bad that I am bedridden/housebound, severe dpdr is no joke. But I haven’t had any windows (just intensity fluctuates but never get dpdr free windows), so if you are already getting windows rest assure u ll heal faster than me. It is just insane what these drugs can do even after short use but the brain has neuroplasticity and I remain hopeful of recovery one day…. 

[Lilmizz21]

Hi guys

 

I keep feeling like my brain is disconnected to my body, is this DR??

[julesb]

Hello,

i am very new to depersonalization/ derealizaton, i was wondering i i can get some feedback on my symptoms. I’m having full body numbness , not that i can’t feel my body but the sense of touch isn’t all the it’s like i can barley feel myself touching arm or my leg. My mind is also blank i have lost my inner monologue and free flowing thoughts. i also cannot feel fear or sadness or happiness. I was wondering if i can get some feedback on how you cope with this