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Derealization or Depersonalization (DR and DP)

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annej

I found Shaun O-Conner's ebook (pdf download and MP3) The DP Manual to be very, very helpful.

 

It is a site of commerce (he charges for the download) so I will post the url without directly linking: http://www.dpmanual.com/

 

I think that anyone suffering from DP might greatly be helped with the information and suggestions that he provides.


My Intro
2000-Effexor and Klonopin
April 2011- C/T Adderall, lithium, Seroquel, Lunesta; Pristiq and Klonopin cut by 1/2 due to med-induced "rapid cycling"
May 2011- Pristiq/Lexapro bridge/taper
June, 2011- K cut to 0.5 mg (doctor)
July 18, 2011 - Lexapro done
October 2011- K taper started
Jan, 2012- Off K, Remeron started -bad idea
March 2012- Horrific Tardive Akathisa/TD (Dx: TA versus withdrawal akathisia secondary to K w/d)
May 2012- Reinstatement of K
Current Psych Meds: Klonopin 2 mg + Propanolol 15 mg and titrating up
As of June 2013: TA gone or suppressed - struggling with tolerance to benzos - beta blocker helping

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Pandora

Thanks so much Annej for the book link and Nadia for your input. So nice to hear it will end! It's worse when I haven't slept, which I often do not, due to the w/d AND menopause hitting simultaneously. It's a cruel irony that the time we need to sleep the most for healing is when our brains are trying to rewire...but can't because with the rewiring comes insomnia!

 

Life seems so backwards sometimes.

 

Pandora


 06/12 - Tapered off Cipralex. 30mg/Lithium 600mg/Epival 500mg

Very difficult time with 3-month taper off all drugs.

11/12 - Doc prescribed clonazepam 1 mg. for insomnia

01/14 - Clonazepan taper from 1 mg to .75 mg, then liquid microtaper to .638 mg. Depersonalization, extreme fatigue, muscle aches off/on.

05/15 - Switched to dry cut at .625 mg. Ok for 2-3 weeks, then same strong symptoms. Holding .625 mg.

06/15 - Switched over to liquid dosing .3125 ml 2x/day, 11 am & 11 pm.  Symptoms mild and no sleep issues.  Holding .625 mg/day.

10/15 - down to .530 mg. clonazepam in 4 months. .265 mg 2x/ day @ 10 am/10 pm. 

11/15 - holding at .528

11/15 - started microtaper to relieve persistent w/d symptoms

01/16 - microtaper not improving things; extremely sensitive to slightest decreases 

02/16 - holding at .524. 

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Nadia

Lack of sleep is probably a major part of it! And yes, it seems cruel that the very thing we need to heal is what we can't get. I think the important thing is not to panic, to believe you'll get better, and to do things actively that over time will help you out (even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment). The big mistake is to wait to feel better to do things like take walks, eat well, interact with other people. You have to take baby steps, but it's important to keep moving forward!


'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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Pandora

Depersonalization really bad the last couple days, and very intense right now. Last week exercise seemed to help alot, this week I feel as if I am existing in some dream where everything I touch feels foreign, numb, food feels strange in my mouth, my own voice sounds like someone else's (whose?) and the people I live with look familiar, but unfamiliar. It's freaking me out, frankly. My feelings range from being on the verge of a panic attack to collapsing from exhaustion or bursting into tears.

 

If anything would make me go back to the toxic ADs this is it. The only thing stopping me is the thought of going through this again, from the beginning.

 

I'm re-reading the posts and trying to take the advice about not panicking and just letting it happen without thinking too much but it's hard. Please reassure that I'm not going insane or that this is the permanent state of my brain from hereon in.

 

 

Thanks.


 06/12 - Tapered off Cipralex. 30mg/Lithium 600mg/Epival 500mg

Very difficult time with 3-month taper off all drugs.

11/12 - Doc prescribed clonazepam 1 mg. for insomnia

01/14 - Clonazepan taper from 1 mg to .75 mg, then liquid microtaper to .638 mg. Depersonalization, extreme fatigue, muscle aches off/on.

05/15 - Switched to dry cut at .625 mg. Ok for 2-3 weeks, then same strong symptoms. Holding .625 mg.

06/15 - Switched over to liquid dosing .3125 ml 2x/day, 11 am & 11 pm.  Symptoms mild and no sleep issues.  Holding .625 mg/day.

10/15 - down to .530 mg. clonazepam in 4 months. .265 mg 2x/ day @ 10 am/10 pm. 

11/15 - holding at .528

11/15 - started microtaper to relieve persistent w/d symptoms

01/16 - microtaper not improving things; extremely sensitive to slightest decreases 

02/16 - holding at .524. 

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Barbarannamated

Pandora,

 

You're not going insane but ~ I know ~ it sure does feel that way when DP/DR are bad. All of your senses are readapting. It left me feeling very ungrounded. There were many times that I thought I was *going crazy* but then realized that if I really was, I would not know or suspect it.

 

Do you have pets? My dogs were able to break through that wall when nothing else did.

 

It does get better.


Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Pandora

Thanks so much Barb. It does help alot that I make sense to someone when I'm like this! I do have a really sweet dog, but when I patted him earlier during my mini freak-out his fur felt strange like everything else, and I think that upset me more than anything.

 

Oh, to be ignorant and blissful and crazy... you're right, I guess I wouldn't know if it were truly happening.

 

I like your explanation of the senses reorganizing. It makes sense. I just wish they would hurry the hell up.

 

Thanks.

 

Pandora


 06/12 - Tapered off Cipralex. 30mg/Lithium 600mg/Epival 500mg

Very difficult time with 3-month taper off all drugs.

11/12 - Doc prescribed clonazepam 1 mg. for insomnia

01/14 - Clonazepan taper from 1 mg to .75 mg, then liquid microtaper to .638 mg. Depersonalization, extreme fatigue, muscle aches off/on.

05/15 - Switched to dry cut at .625 mg. Ok for 2-3 weeks, then same strong symptoms. Holding .625 mg.

06/15 - Switched over to liquid dosing .3125 ml 2x/day, 11 am & 11 pm.  Symptoms mild and no sleep issues.  Holding .625 mg/day.

10/15 - down to .530 mg. clonazepam in 4 months. .265 mg 2x/ day @ 10 am/10 pm. 

11/15 - holding at .528

11/15 - started microtaper to relieve persistent w/d symptoms

01/16 - microtaper not improving things; extremely sensitive to slightest decreases 

02/16 - holding at .524. 

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Nadia

Hang in there, Pandora! It's hell, but you can get through it. And it will go away. Just observe it. Tell yourself things like, I observe myself feeling very strange. Or just, "I observe myself feeling this." It won't make it go away, but it can help you get through it. Try not to engage the thoughts, but don't push them away either. Easier said than done, I know.

 

Don't forget to sit in the sun if you can, or breathe in looking at the horizon, or have a cup of tea. Anything that normally would give you comfort. Even if it doesn't feel like it's helping, it might eventually get you on the right track. Also, hug yourself, and tell yourself that this is a tough thing to be going through and you're doing a good job just living through it. It helps to be kind to yourself. You're still "in there" and you will come back.


'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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Hannah

I'm happy to know I'm not crazy, and that other people have these feelings too. Never knew, until recently, that it even had a name. Thought it was all just in my head, which I guess it is. It's amazing that something so totally abstract can mess you up so bad. I can't even imagine how anyone would ever be able to work with these feelings. Do people work in this state? Have had this problem since I was 14 to some extent, gotten really bad over the past couple of years, no break at all for past 1.5 years. Only flare-ups, where it's almost completely unbearable. The only way I've found to lessen the misery is to distract myself. Stay busy. Focus on other people, do things for other people. Works sometimes during the day, but as evening turns to night and things quiet down, it comes right back full force. Of all the mental health related problems I've experienced, this one is the most discerning. Honestly, if I knew for sure that I was going to feel this way forever, that this was how my life was going to be forever, I would opt out now. I need to get out of this soon, cause I have 2 little kids and a husband who would kinda like for me to stick around.


9-16-12: Lamictal 400, Effexor 150, Wellbutrin 300, Ambien 5, Klonopin 2

 

9-17-12: Lamictal 200, C/T Effexor, C/T Wellbutrin, Ambien 5, Klonopin 2

 

9-21-12: Lamictal 100, Effexor 150, Ambien 10, Klonopin 3

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Altostrata

I don't know if I posted this before -- I had this for several years when my Paxil withdrawal syndrome was worse, it did get better.

 

As a psychological symptom with no drugs or withdrawal involved, I believe it's attributed to an abused or highly stressed childhood.

 

Have you looked into non-drug therapies for your sense of derealization/depersonalization, Hannah?


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Pandora

Hannah, I feel for you with little kids to look after. How distressing it must be, as the job is hard enough when you're feeling well. I agree with Alto, in fact I can attest to the stressed childhood as a factor and this strange out-of-self place we go to escape.

 

I am looking into cognitive-behavioral therapy with help for the anxiety/depression and from what I've learned through my research it is an amazing tool to help get through this. I also came across a book called The Stranger in the Mirror, which deals with this little-known disorder. I haven't bought it yet, so I can't give a review on it but it might help you to know you are certainly not alone.

 

I've been feeling really badly out of myself for the last few days but today I am a bit better. Nadia's advice in her post from yesterday has really helped. Check it out.

 

Pandora


 06/12 - Tapered off Cipralex. 30mg/Lithium 600mg/Epival 500mg

Very difficult time with 3-month taper off all drugs.

11/12 - Doc prescribed clonazepam 1 mg. for insomnia

01/14 - Clonazepan taper from 1 mg to .75 mg, then liquid microtaper to .638 mg. Depersonalization, extreme fatigue, muscle aches off/on.

05/15 - Switched to dry cut at .625 mg. Ok for 2-3 weeks, then same strong symptoms. Holding .625 mg.

06/15 - Switched over to liquid dosing .3125 ml 2x/day, 11 am & 11 pm.  Symptoms mild and no sleep issues.  Holding .625 mg/day.

10/15 - down to .530 mg. clonazepam in 4 months. .265 mg 2x/ day @ 10 am/10 pm. 

11/15 - holding at .528

11/15 - started microtaper to relieve persistent w/d symptoms

01/16 - microtaper not improving things; extremely sensitive to slightest decreases 

02/16 - holding at .524. 

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NoMeaning25

I have been dealing with severe DR/DP for 14 months straight and i am very very scared it wont fade and go away. Has anyone ever seen it not go away or get better? I am really scared :'(


Was on Citalopram 20mg since Feb 2008 - switched to Paxil 20mg in August 2010

Tapered way too fast in April 2012 by skipping days. Taper completed in 6 weeks

Tried prozac 20mg for 3 days - felt spaced out, not better.

Tried 30mg Cymbalta for 2 days. SEVERE ADVERSE REACTION

Antidepressant free since 14 August 2012

Birth control on and off during this time - Last taken 18 June 2017 - Morning after pill 

Started mainly using 0.5mg Xanax beginning 2016 for severe panic attacks and anxiety due to trauma

Xanax on and off never more than 0.5mg at a time, never taking it 3 days in a row - used sparingly 

 

6 Years antidepressant free - Still in severe withdrawal with over 60 symptoms

Severe setback started May 2018 with no let up to date. Developed many new symptoms like tremors, inner vibrations, insomnia, visual distortions and dr/dp are 100x worse, i have severe sensitivity to movement, My dizziness and vertigo got worse and it now feels like im constantly rocking on a boat, my anxiety is sky high, suicidal idiation is back, i feel extremely brain damaged 

 

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NoMeaning25

This is the worst symptom i have and i am scared it wont lessen and go away. I have it very very severe. Everyone says give it time but i have fought for a long time. Please anyone who had it years and get better/went away?

 

Thank you


Was on Citalopram 20mg since Feb 2008 - switched to Paxil 20mg in August 2010

Tapered way too fast in April 2012 by skipping days. Taper completed in 6 weeks

Tried prozac 20mg for 3 days - felt spaced out, not better.

Tried 30mg Cymbalta for 2 days. SEVERE ADVERSE REACTION

Antidepressant free since 14 August 2012

Birth control on and off during this time - Last taken 18 June 2017 - Morning after pill 

Started mainly using 0.5mg Xanax beginning 2016 for severe panic attacks and anxiety due to trauma

Xanax on and off never more than 0.5mg at a time, never taking it 3 days in a row - used sparingly 

 

6 Years antidepressant free - Still in severe withdrawal with over 60 symptoms

Severe setback started May 2018 with no let up to date. Developed many new symptoms like tremors, inner vibrations, insomnia, visual distortions and dr/dp are 100x worse, i have severe sensitivity to movement, My dizziness and vertigo got worse and it now feels like im constantly rocking on a boat, my anxiety is sky high, suicidal idiation is back, i feel extremely brain damaged 

 

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UnfoldingSky

Hi Medfree, I had really severe DP/DR for about three years and it did go away. Keep hanging on, it will get better.


I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

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ladybug

I'm with you, Medfree. DR is my most distressing symptom right now. It never goes away, only gets slightly better. It makes everything around you seem strange and menacing. I am frequently freaked out by my own arms! WTH? I don't know how DR is this bad when I have been tapering so slow, but it is what it is. I pray it gets better somehow for the the both of us. At least you are off the drugs and truly healing. Have you ever had your thyroid tested? I have heard that low thyroid function can contribute to derealization symptoms. My thyroid has been wonky so that could be part of the problem in my case.


a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

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NoMeaning25

Thanks UnfoldingSky, i am hanging on and praying everyday that it will get better.

 

Hi Medfree, I had really severe DP/DR for about three years and it did go away. Keep hanging on, it will get better.


Was on Citalopram 20mg since Feb 2008 - switched to Paxil 20mg in August 2010

Tapered way too fast in April 2012 by skipping days. Taper completed in 6 weeks

Tried prozac 20mg for 3 days - felt spaced out, not better.

Tried 30mg Cymbalta for 2 days. SEVERE ADVERSE REACTION

Antidepressant free since 14 August 2012

Birth control on and off during this time - Last taken 18 June 2017 - Morning after pill 

Started mainly using 0.5mg Xanax beginning 2016 for severe panic attacks and anxiety due to trauma

Xanax on and off never more than 0.5mg at a time, never taking it 3 days in a row - used sparingly 

 

6 Years antidepressant free - Still in severe withdrawal with over 60 symptoms

Severe setback started May 2018 with no let up to date. Developed many new symptoms like tremors, inner vibrations, insomnia, visual distortions and dr/dp are 100x worse, i have severe sensitivity to movement, My dizziness and vertigo got worse and it now feels like im constantly rocking on a boat, my anxiety is sky high, suicidal idiation is back, i feel extremely brain damaged 

 

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NoMeaning25

Hi Ladybug. Sorry to hear you are also experiencing this horrible symptom. Yes, i had my thyroid checked and it is apparently normal...

 

I'm with you, Medfree. DR is my most distressing symptom right now. It never goes away, only gets slightly better. It makes everything around you seem strange and menacing. I am frequently freaked out by my own arms! WTH? I don't know how DR is this bad when I have been tapering so slow, but it is what it is. I pray it gets better somehow for the the both of us. At least you are off the drugs and truly healing. Have you ever had your thyroid tested? I have heard that low thyroid function can contribute to derealization symptoms. My thyroid has been wonky so that could be part of the problem in my case.


Was on Citalopram 20mg since Feb 2008 - switched to Paxil 20mg in August 2010

Tapered way too fast in April 2012 by skipping days. Taper completed in 6 weeks

Tried prozac 20mg for 3 days - felt spaced out, not better.

Tried 30mg Cymbalta for 2 days. SEVERE ADVERSE REACTION

Antidepressant free since 14 August 2012

Birth control on and off during this time - Last taken 18 June 2017 - Morning after pill 

Started mainly using 0.5mg Xanax beginning 2016 for severe panic attacks and anxiety due to trauma

Xanax on and off never more than 0.5mg at a time, never taking it 3 days in a row - used sparingly 

 

6 Years antidepressant free - Still in severe withdrawal with over 60 symptoms

Severe setback started May 2018 with no let up to date. Developed many new symptoms like tremors, inner vibrations, insomnia, visual distortions and dr/dp are 100x worse, i have severe sensitivity to movement, My dizziness and vertigo got worse and it now feels like im constantly rocking on a boat, my anxiety is sky high, suicidal idiation is back, i feel extremely brain damaged 

 

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GiaK

mine went away too...meditation and yoga helped...yoga and other body modalities of therapy are really important for me...I think derealization is often a sort of unwillingness to really and deeply be in the body (because it's so damn horrifying in there in so many ways)

 

hang on and be gentle and kind...yoga, walking (mindfully) and any other movement meditation (chi gong, tai chi etc) might be helpful. 


Everything Matters: Beyond Meds 

https://beyondmeds.com/

withdrawn from a cocktail of 6 psychiatric drugs that included every class of psych drug.
 

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Ellen042

Please excuse me for not being familiar with the term derealization, but if it's that unreality feeling- like you're observing life and yourself rather than participating in life and being yourself, I've experienced it, and it did go away.  I don't know what triggered mine other than the stress of a divorce with my ex attempting to take my kids away, but it went on for over a year and has now completely resolved.  It resolved so slowly that I don't even remember it getting gradually better.  I just noticed one day that it was gone, completely gone.  Don't lose hope.  Oh, and if I recall correctly, you too are in a very stressful environment.  That can mess with your mind too.  How about addressing the stressful environment (with help) first, and maybe the DR could improve too. 


Ellen

___________________________________________________

insomnia, anxiety, depression- since childhood

lyme disease, dysautonomia, chiari malformation- dx 4/1997

 

nortriptyline- 75mg since childhood

clonazepam- 3mg since 4/1997

trazodone-100mg since 4/2013, now tapering

 

rotating antibiotics and antimalarials for lyme disease

midodrine- 10mg for dysautonomia

repeated skull surgeries for chiari malformation

 

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Petunia

Merged several similar topics.


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Cberg

Hello everyone. I'm a newbie so I hope I'm in the appropriate section to write this.

 

I am having a lot of trouble with 'depersonalization.' I notice that different people give different meaning to it but I personally like this definition from Webster's. Depersonalization is the feeling that you are observing yourself from outside your body or you have a sense that things around you aren't real, or both."

For me personally, it's like I am constantly looking inward. It's very weird and if you have had it you know what I mean. I'd like to ask if anyone else has experienced this during tapering? Also, I just started having a throbbing/pulsating in the back of my head. It just pounds and pounds.

 

I would appreciate knowing if others have had experienced these symptoms. Thank you!

 

Cbergens

started Paxil withdrawal 10 months ago at 15 mg

Now down to 4.75 mg.

Had panic disorder for 15 years back in the 1970's - under control for many years now

Currently experiencing symptoms of morning nausea, throbbing/pulsating in head, lack of motivation and ambition.


Cberg

15 years of panic disorder back in the 1970's. Under pretty good control now.

Started Paxil two years ago for nightmares and depression after many eye and back surgeries

Started slow taper two years ago

Started at 15 mg. now down to 2.35 mg.

Symptoms during w/d included severe nausea in the morning, headaches, pulsating/throbbing in back of head

lightheadedness, depersonalization, lack of ambition or motivation to do anything

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Cberg

I came across this as a post on a social anxiety website and I really think it sounds like a really good way to deal with Depersonalization/Derealization. It turns out, I was already doing a lot of these things in an attempt to cope with it but did not know that this can actually lead to a cure for this awful malady. Then with some more research on-line I found that there is actually a book on this disorder that teaches you how to overcome it and it seems that the 'method' is what this person summarized in his post. The person who wrote this post uses some offensive language which I wish was not there, but it is.

 

Here is the URL for how to overcome Depersonalization/Derealization

 

http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/20892-the-holy-grail-of-curing-dpdr/

 

Cbegens


Cberg

15 years of panic disorder back in the 1970's. Under pretty good control now.

Started Paxil two years ago for nightmares and depression after many eye and back surgeries

Started slow taper two years ago

Started at 15 mg. now down to 2.35 mg.

Symptoms during w/d included severe nausea in the morning, headaches, pulsating/throbbing in back of head

lightheadedness, depersonalization, lack of ambition or motivation to do anything

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Petunia

Similar topics merged

 

For me personally, it's like I am constantly looking inward. It's very weird and if you have had it you know what I mean. I'd like to ask if anyone else has experienced this during tapering? Also, I just started having a throbbing/pulsating in the back of my head. It just pounds and pounds.

I would appreciate knowing if others have had experienced these symptoms. Thank you!
 

 

I've experienced both DP and DR since going into withdrawal.  I didn't taper properly, so I didn't get it as part of tapering. For me its been one of my many symptoms and I haven't had it all the time, it comes and goes. It seems to be getting better as I recover although when I'm in a wave DP/DR usually get pretty bad.

 

For me, the DP is like I have lost my sense of self and I'm desperately searching inside for something of my old self that I can recognize.  There are memories of the person I used to be, but its like I'm looking at someone else, there is no emotional recognition or connection, its very frightening.  This loss of a solid sense of self causes me to feel very vulnerable, especially when I go out, I just don't know who I am or how I'm going to behave or what I like or don't like. 


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Spring

Today I am on day 35 off mirtazapine. Two weeks ago I had one day with terrible depersonalisation along with anxiety. Today it is more derealization. I watch the tv but it is like I am a jar. I see and hear the tv but it does not come through really. Today is the fist day I really feel low. I am very cranky. Is it just two symptoms occuring today or do they relate to each other? I thought depersonalisation/derealization was more related to anxiety.

The depressive feelings scare me more than the derealization because I am really afraid of going into a deep depression.


'96 - sept 2006 Paxil 20 mg > Sept 06 - feb 07 paxil 10 mg

Feb 07 C t Paxil because liquid solution to taper interfered with anti-acids and no-ne knew

Major depression after 6 weeks

May 07 - spring 08 Lexapro

Spring 08 - sept13 mirtazapine 15 mg, later 7,5 mg, most time 4 mg

Due to interactions upped to 7,5 mg

Dec 13 - april 13 because of interactions 15 to 60 mg a day depending on withdrawal symptons

April 13 1 week Trazodone

April 13 back mirta, 15 mg was too much, looking for the right dose, down to 7,5 - 6 - 4,5 - 3,75

Bloodlevel was below therapeutic. Down to 3 mg, could not bear the effects and stopped

Clonazepam 3- 8 drops since 2008

Desloratadine 1/2 or 1 mg

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NoMeaning25

It sure looks permanent to me. Its now 25 months with this non-stop severe symptom and it has not even let up one bit.

 

Im trying not to panic and freak out, but its hard. Im really stuck. I dont know what to do. Please i need reassurance that this will go away :(


Was on Citalopram 20mg since Feb 2008 - switched to Paxil 20mg in August 2010

Tapered way too fast in April 2012 by skipping days. Taper completed in 6 weeks

Tried prozac 20mg for 3 days - felt spaced out, not better.

Tried 30mg Cymbalta for 2 days. SEVERE ADVERSE REACTION

Antidepressant free since 14 August 2012

Birth control on and off during this time - Last taken 18 June 2017 - Morning after pill 

Started mainly using 0.5mg Xanax beginning 2016 for severe panic attacks and anxiety due to trauma

Xanax on and off never more than 0.5mg at a time, never taking it 3 days in a row - used sparingly 

 

6 Years antidepressant free - Still in severe withdrawal with over 60 symptoms

Severe setback started May 2018 with no let up to date. Developed many new symptoms like tremors, inner vibrations, insomnia, visual distortions and dr/dp are 100x worse, i have severe sensitivity to movement, My dizziness and vertigo got worse and it now feels like im constantly rocking on a boat, my anxiety is sky high, suicidal idiation is back, i feel extremely brain damaged 

 

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andy

i had it for over 18 months very very bad,it effected my every move ,thought and interaction with people 24/7.I am now nearly drug free and its gone,I overcame it by simply ignoring it and carrying on with whatever i was doing.This helped it lose its power and it slowly very slowly started to subside.

 

I hope this gives you hope,I am sure you can also overcome this as I did  :)


2012 put on Citalopram and diazepam for 3 months for "depression" after filling in a 3 minute form at the doctors, had a massive reaction with panic attacks and extreme anxiety,never suffered panic attacks or anxiety before citalopram.Told to quit cold turkey which led to two hospital admissions during 2012/2013

December for 6 months Seroquel dosage adjusted up and down 50mg ,150mg ,100mg, caused severe tinnitus ,told to quit cold turkey

2013 January for 12 months Lorazapam given to me like sweets,told to quit cold turkey

2013 May Zoloft for 6 months ,told to quit cold turkey, reinstated 50mg tapered 2nd time over a month (to fast but I survived)messed up my sleep

Zyprexa April 2103 5mg until august 2014 ,dropped by doctor down to 2.5mg for one month went well but sleep was very poor for 3 weeks

End of 2015 I had to reinstate back up to 5mg due to constant insomnia that wouldnt go away Started a slow taper and found an understanding doctor who listened to me while I reduced
May 2016 drug free, sleeping and doing well in life again, it can be done http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12078-finally-off-zyprexa/

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UnfoldingSky

I had it for about three years, and it was very severe. Many people talk about windows, but aside from the very early days after my drug reaction, I actually had almost no windows at all.  For about three years I had severe withdrawal symptoms of various sorts that almost never let up. 

 

I'd usually though have maybe one or two days in the middle of winter where I had a window of sorts.  That was it, otherwise I'd be in a "wave".

 

So it can be really severe, and long-lasting, but it will go away.

 

Anything you can do to lessen stress that is safe might make it more likely to fade sooner.  I agree with Andy's strategy, don't give it power.  Tell yourself it WILL go away, and come here as much as you need to get reassurance that that is the case.  I've read on boards like this one for years and I don't think I've ever seen a case that was permanent.  The time frame for healing will be different for everyone though, and it's this reality I think that can start to mess with you (it surely did for me, I remember insisting to people I knew around me that I'd never get better, I was convinced I was doomed for those three years. )  But do not lose hope, it WILL go away, even if it does not seem like that right now.


I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

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Muddles

I have this and have done for 9 months. It's bloody awful and wouldn't wish it on anyone.


2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription.

Severe adverse reaction

Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on.

Poop out - December 2013

15mg

Currently on 13.5mg,

April 12mg

May 10th - 11mg

June 10th - 10mg

July 8th - 9mg

September - 0mg

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Muddles

I had it when I had anxiety when I went to the docs....highly stressed. Nothing like this though...totally different and disturbing, feel like I'm living in a cartoon world - nothing seems real or have no connection to anything.


2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription.

Severe adverse reaction

Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on.

Poop out - December 2013

15mg

Currently on 13.5mg,

April 12mg

May 10th - 11mg

June 10th - 10mg

July 8th - 9mg

September - 0mg

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arwen

I had various degrees of derealization the last 3 years. I could go to work but I was all the time afraid of a new episode.

 

There were many meetings after which, returning to my desk I had to stop and lean on the wall to keep my balance. And I was not dizzy, I was just out of the reality. My eyes, my ears were not doing their job properly anymore. Touching the wall helped. It felt real.

 

Higher my Paxil dose, or more abrupt the dose drop ( like dropping from 2.5 to zero), worse the DR. But it was getting better after I stabilized on a lower dose.

 

I cannot even imagine how horrible it is to feel this every day, all the time. This was the worst symptom I had from the pills.

 

Now, 2 months after stopping it is completely gone. Lower I was going with the dose, better it was.

 

I think everybody heals sooner or later, if given enough time. It looks permanent and an eternity when you are in the middle of it, but it will pass.


July 2011 - nasty anxiety crisis (lost job, became not functional, couldn't exit the house alone)

August 2011 - started 10mg Paxil  and October 2011 - 20mg (one month on 20mg)

November 2011 - starting slowly to decrease the dose at the pace my body supported. Down to 2.5 mg in January 2013 (17.5, 15, 12.5, 10, 7.5, 5, 3.7, 2.5) - at least one month at each step. Unpleasant, but functional, got a new job almost immediately

April 2013 - stopped completely, crashed after 2 weeks, and reinstalled 2.5mg, recovered fast.

September 2013 - started decreasing again, slower, down to 1 mg in December 2013

December 2013 - free of Paxil

March 2014 - another crash, exactly 3 months after stopping, after 2 weeks of horrors, reinstalled 1 mg - feeling better after one week.

March 2014 - July 2014: going slowly down: 1mg, 0.9mg, 0.77mg, 0.64mg

end of July 2014 - Paxil free, hopefully forever this time.

.

 

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Petunia

Similar topics merged


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Patoski

Thank you all so much reading through this site as helped me so much today and it as also shed a lot of light on my past history well done very grateful


I was originally on 350 mils doxepin started in1975 through the years I tapered down to 100 mils

I stayed on this dose for many years

I have now been off for 7 months ago

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alizarin

I first experienced this witnessing my mother's death, which was too instantaneous to grasp (the death, that is). So I do believe it can occur not only necessarily in the clutches of withdrawal, but during times of severe stress. Afterwards, during actual withdrawal, I began experiencing both DP and DR, and they've been a constant symptom for me since then. I'm inclined to believe that insomnia intensifies this, for me at least.


Current Meds:

Klonopin 1.9 mg (anxiety /insomnia) 10 years, began taper then stopped. Currently forced to drop to 1.5 mg.

Remeron 7.5 mg (insomnia, nausea, GI issues) stopped taper

Propylthiouracil 25 mg (for Graves')

 

Past Meds:

Lexapro 10 mg, CT 1.5 years ago without researching. Taken for 9 years.

Trazadone 300 mg (insomnia), lowered BP, suffered vasovagal syncope, a fall required surgery for dental trauma.

Propranolol, 10 mg, during hospitalization for hyperthyroidism, 3.5 weeks, then switched to Cartia for 3 weeks. Dr C/T both.

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degen12

I have not read this thread as reading about DP/DR is my #1 trigger. Sorry if I have repeated anything. For me it happened like this:

 

Self-perception ≠ Feelings and actions = DP/DR, leading to a 24/7 partial symptom panic attack, repeat vicious cycle.

 

After I lost my ego, I spent a few years in DP/DR, but once I built something of a personality with a value system and so forth, my symptoms eased off.

 

That was my case. It my be different in SSRI withdrawal, but I can see how long-term SSRI use could foster these incongruences. Everyone is different.


April / 2016: Cipralex 10 mg, Mirtazapine 30 mg, Lyrica 600 mg, Diazepam 20 mg, Bystolic 5 mg

2018: Lots of polypharmacy which is undocumented here. Started and stopped several drugs and changed doses of existing ones

August / 2018: Back on track! Cipralex 15 mg, Mirtazapine 7.5 mg, Diazepam 15 mg

September 2018: Cipralex 15 mg -> 12.5 mg

October 2018: Cipralex 12.5 mg -> 10 mg, Mirtazapine 7.5 mg -> 3.75 mg -> Stopped, Diazepam 15 mg

November 2019: Cipralex 5 mg, Diazepam 10 mg

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NoMeaning25

28 Months with Severe DR/DP and counting............... No let up 24/7

 

Holding On


Was on Citalopram 20mg since Feb 2008 - switched to Paxil 20mg in August 2010

Tapered way too fast in April 2012 by skipping days. Taper completed in 6 weeks

Tried prozac 20mg for 3 days - felt spaced out, not better.

Tried 30mg Cymbalta for 2 days. SEVERE ADVERSE REACTION

Antidepressant free since 14 August 2012

Birth control on and off during this time - Last taken 18 June 2017 - Morning after pill 

Started mainly using 0.5mg Xanax beginning 2016 for severe panic attacks and anxiety due to trauma

Xanax on and off never more than 0.5mg at a time, never taking it 3 days in a row - used sparingly 

 

6 Years antidepressant free - Still in severe withdrawal with over 60 symptoms

Severe setback started May 2018 with no let up to date. Developed many new symptoms like tremors, inner vibrations, insomnia, visual distortions and dr/dp are 100x worse, i have severe sensitivity to movement, My dizziness and vertigo got worse and it now feels like im constantly rocking on a boat, my anxiety is sky high, suicidal idiation is back, i feel extremely brain damaged 

 

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degen12

28 Months with Severe DR/DP and counting............... No let up 24/7

 

Holding On

 

As corny as it sounds, try embracing it. I know it is hard to embrace nothing, since nothing does not exist, but you get the idea. This book "Overcoming Depersonalizing Disorder: A Mindfulness and Acceptance Guide to Conquering Feelings of Numbness and Unreality", was a great asset to me.

 

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/8292060-overcoming-depersonalization-disorder

 

I can send it to you, if you like.

 

Try starting with simple, "I am statements". Write them down. Who are you? What do you value/what is important to you? What do you want to be? Writing these statements and creating a road-map of sorts helped me to a great degree.

 

Rediscovering a sense of yourself means relearning much of which you thought you knew. I came out a better man from the challenge. I was in DP/DR 24/7 for 3 years. The first "window" I had was when evening struck, and I realized that "evening" has a distinct feeling associated with it. It was beautiful to experience "evening" all over again, and while I can't guarantee it, the odds are on your side that you will experience lost things again as well.

 

Intense psychodynamic-based psychotherapy was essential to my recovery, but it doesn't have to be to yours.


April / 2016: Cipralex 10 mg, Mirtazapine 30 mg, Lyrica 600 mg, Diazepam 20 mg, Bystolic 5 mg

2018: Lots of polypharmacy which is undocumented here. Started and stopped several drugs and changed doses of existing ones

August / 2018: Back on track! Cipralex 15 mg, Mirtazapine 7.5 mg, Diazepam 15 mg

September 2018: Cipralex 15 mg -> 12.5 mg

October 2018: Cipralex 12.5 mg -> 10 mg, Mirtazapine 7.5 mg -> 3.75 mg -> Stopped, Diazepam 15 mg

November 2019: Cipralex 5 mg, Diazepam 10 mg

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LoveandLight

That a beautiful way to describe it..evening has a certain feel to it. In my ok days since starting to taper, that it exactly how I felt things to be - the wind has a certain feeling to it ( not just the obvious), the scene of an autumn day comes alive with a certain feeling as well. So nice to be able to feel again - I've experienced this to an almost constant extent for 6/7 years now but hang in there Olivia that was whilst I was on ad,s switching doses, stopping, starting so I'm sure it won't be that long for you.


2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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