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Santino

Santino made it and stayed sane!!!

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Santino

HI Liamb

You have my tapering schedule in the signature... anyway maybe because you are checking this forum on your cellphone most probably you are missing the details... 

I am copy paste -ing the schedule for you below to check.

 

SINCE 09/06/2016 BENZO FREE - Started Tapering Remeron 04/07/2016

 

04/Jul/16 12.8 Mg, 11/Aug/16 12 Mg, 20/Aug/16 11Mg, 3/Sept/16 10Mg, 11/Sept/16 9 Mg, 30/Sept/16 8.1 Mg, 14/Oct/16 7.25 Mg, 17/Nov/16 6.7, 23/Nov/16 6.5, 2/Dec/16 6.25, 9/Dec/16 6Mg, 25/Dec/16 5.7Mg, 4/Jan/17 5.4Mg, 20/Jan/17 5.2Mg, 07/Feb/17 5 Mg, 15/Feb/17 4.8Mg, 27/Feb/17 4.5Mg, 15/Mar/17 4.2Mg, 23/Mar/17 4Mg, 1/Apr/17 3.7Mg, 14/Apr/17 3.4Mg, 27/Apr/17 3.1Mg, 06/May/17 2.8Mg, 22/May/17 2.6Mg, 31/May/17 2.3Mg 09/Jun/17 2Mg, 20/Jun/17 1.7Mg, 29/Jun/17 1.4Mg, 11/Jul/17 1.2Mg, 20/Jul/17 1Mg, 31/Jul/17 0.8Mg, 11/Aug/17 0.6Mg, 23/Aug/17 0.5Mg, 05/Sept/17 0.4Mg, 13/Sept/17 0.3Mg. 22/Sept/17 0.2Mg, 03/Oct/17 0.15Mg, 10/Oct/17 0.1Mg, 23/Oct/17 0.05Mg, 22/Nov/17 0.025Mg, 06/DECEMBER/2017 MIRT FREEE.



All the best

Santino

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Sunnyday

Hi Santino, I read a little in your introduction thread after reading this one. So happy for you, you're very strong. This is very encouraging. Thank you!

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Santino
On 11/3/2018 at 5:22 PM, Sunnyday said:

Hi Santino, I read a little in your introduction thread after reading this one. So happy for you, you're very strong. This is very encouraging. Thank you!


HI SunnyDay

Thanks a lot for your time to read my intro topic. You wishes are lovely. I hope you soon will be able to write your own success story too...


All the best Santino

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GirlfromD

Congratulations Santino, this is amazing! 😊Everytime someone is healed it brings so much hope and joy. 

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Santino
On 11/10/2018 at 4:14 PM, GirlfromD said:

Congratulations Santino, this is amazing! 😊Everytime someone is healed it brings so much hope and joy. 


Hi GirlfromD

Thanks a lot for your lovely message. It is a pleasure to know that your story might help some people in so much of need of a success story. From your history i understand that you are such a strong person to have gone cold turkey from such high doses of meds. I strongly believe you will be OK...

All the best

Santino

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Hopefull
On 10/25/2018 at 11:29 PM, Santino said:

Dear Friends

For those that do know me and have followed my progress through SA I want to say that since last December I am Mirtazapine Free... so a little bit of one more month and I will be one year free from this terrible drug.

For those that do not know me… before reading this success story just have a look at my initial topic in the link below. Only then you will understand where I was, what I endured and how happy I am that this ordeal has somehow finished and I am able to live, love, work and be there for my family again.

 

 

 

 

I consider myself blessed with the life I have had… ok I am not rich, but I am usually very friendly to people and when you give love you get it back as well. I have been normal all of my life, a bit on the overthinking type of guy which is a characteristic of smart people, and I know that most of the people in SA are the smartest of those who understand that medication is not a way to solve problems. So I am here as many others with a success story and I want to tell you that it can be done. The difference between how I was during medication and how I am now is like day and night.

 

So during my life due to mental sensitivity I have had 1-2 situations which have put me down for short periods of time but they would always resolve and life would go on. But for the last time it was different, my wife was pregnant (my second kid), I acquired a property to start a small business for which I applied for a loan which was delaying, had (and still have ) a job which I did not like anymore, and I carelessly I found my self drinking 1-2 doubles of alcohol per night at least. People say alcohol has the same mechanism of acting on gaba receptors like the benzos, so soon I started finding myself ruminating even more the next day after alcohol. Sleep started deteriorating and I thought I could be ok if I used some small quantities of Xanax to sleep. I had used Xanax before on on and off basis and I knew that it was really addictive but anyway I did not think much and started with very small quantities of it 0.065Mg. As my system seems to have been kindled by the usage of it before I started to create an addiction into a matter of days, and I would find myself terrified during the work day of very simple situations. So to cut things short, during this time I visited more than 4 doctors who gave different solutions and all included medications in various quantities. The last doctor I went in gave me a combination of Amitriptyline and Bromazepam (a benzo) which went up to 6Mg but I never stabilized. I had a good day and then would get hit by 3 bad ones… and so on. After 2 months of visits every 2 weeks and being nowhere near a normal life I decided not to go to the doctor anymore and take my own life into my own hands.

So due to what I was reading I did a fast taper of Bromazepam while taking 15Mg of Mirtazapine. Fast tapering of the benzo was terrible, anxiety and depression on unimaginable levels. I closed myself almost totally and was like a zombie in both at work at home… and the only good periods of the day were 1-2 hours at night when I could be available for my just born daughter. All the people around me would not believe that I was doing the right thing. I know it happens to most of you all the time. Just do not blame them. They do not understand what you are going through… but they still love you a lot. They just believe that going to a doctor and get medication is the best thing to do, which we know now it is not.

 

Anyway I tried to continue to live…even though on my very bad days I would just go around a lake near by my home and think to end it all. I continued to read in internet during all these time, and I realized that I was not accepting my situation. If you read my main topic you will notice how terrified I was on specific days, due to the thoughts of not being able to make it. So at a point of time I started to accept my situation and that was good. I knew that I had no other way out of this apart from the conviction of my heart that I would wake up from this bad dream if I continue to follow my plan.

 

After I finished with benzos than it was the Mirt turn. In the beginning I would just cut it by hand, and take approximate doses which now I know it was not good. I was still into the no acceptance phase. Any small problems would terrify me, any task would require out of this world trials from me to complete. At work I was a dumb, avoiding everybody, just closing up and not being able to discuss things due to my crazy emotions. My manager started to go against me and played a very negative role by fighting in many dishonest ways. On the other side I needed the job as I started paying the loan, and some more the new business that I started was a lot of extra stress for me as well. I also visited at this time two Psychotherapists and both of them were telling me that I would finish the tapering but I would be worse. They were also pushing me to listen to the psychiatrists and take the meds… which I was convinced was not an option.

 

So I continued to live my life by learning to ride the waves. Pushing the time in the bad days until evenings when I started to experience windows. My symptoms were crazy since the start but they kept changing. I am trying to make a list below from what I remember.

·         Terrible anxiety.

·         Terrible rumination.

·         Tinnitus.

·         Out of this world Akathisia (I remember driving to work in the morning in a terrified state with hands that could not hold still at the wheel)

·         Lack of Sleep.

·         Flu state after each drop of Remeron.

·         Full Brain (not able to think at all or argue with people).

·         Inability to smell aromas (I was not able to feel my little daughter aroma when I would hold her up and that would bring me tears in my eyes)

·         Devastating Tiredness.

·         Anhedonia.

·         Many physical problems, allergy, loose stools, hair fall and so on.

….. and many many more which I can not remember now. The good thing would be that at some point of time they would come all together but at some other some them started to lessen and disappear very slowly.  Every symptom that would go away would give me hope to stay the course even in the very bad days. I remember that after two months of no feeling taste or smell due to the antihistaminic mess of mirtazapine suddenly I noticed that when I would kiss my baby daughter would feel her nice baby smell. I had tear in the eyes and could not enjoy more the feeling… J So that moment gave me hope even I would know that after some days that symptom would reappear again.

 

Every wave would set me back. I would start to act normal and than suddenly out of nowhere I would experience 2-3 nights of no sleep, terrible anxiety in the morning, stuffed up brain in the afternoon and so on. I kept some contacts with some members of SA as well as some other friends from a FB group. Their messages were the ones who kept me going. Push push push until the wave goes away, and certainly that goes away. I still experience waves now here and there once in a month but they normally last 1-2 days and are mild compared to the ones during WD.

 

Life is good my friends… Now I know what’s going inside me and the thoughts do not scare me any more. How I learned to understand that my problem was mainly biological and medically induced was simple. I would notice one day that a simple problem would drive me crazy and anxious, and it would look like the end of the world. I would try to calm down and if I had a good sleep the next day the same problem would not scare me any more… So in this way I learned that the problem was not the cause of my rumination but the WD was the culprit. Living without meds started slowly to give me back my lost confidence, I started talking to people again, get involved, not being scared of planning things for the next day bcs I did not know how I would wake up. I know, I know…. Most of you have been there and still are…. And I swear it is just WD playing tricks on you.

 

So do not give up guys… my problems started early 2016 and the last 2.5 years have been the most terrible in my life, but still when I look back I have realized quite a lot during these two years. How can I not be proud while during this period I was able to:

·         Preserve my integrity.

·         Hold my job.

·         Handle the birth of my little daughter (My wife was the actual one who gave birth but I was always there).

·         Start a new business and have only 2 off days per month.

·         Continue to payback my loan.

·         Keep my family together.

·         Helping other people while in WD.

·         Having fun and having waves… 🙂

·         …….

·         …….

·         ……. Above all writing this success story… 🙂


So that is a short sum up of my situation. There is a lesson in Withdrawal… just do not give up. Even on your worst moments pull up the strength and push forward. Anxious …??? Take a walk, listen to an hypnosis video, watch a movie, just avoid going to the drawer looking for meds for a short cut solution. Currently I am only taking a soluble magnesium before sleep and a vitamin B and Omega 3 fish oil in the breakfast…. Nothing else. OK my life is not the best that it can be, i still have problems, i still get sad, i still get worried for things but now things do not blow out of proportion. I still do not know how would i do if hit the jacpot... 🙂 but even if i don't, never mind i will do my best with what i have. The blessing of God with two lovely children, a good family and life is the best someone can ask from.

 

I would like to thank from my heart Altostrata, Shep, karenB, AliG, Brassmonkey, Hibari, JanCarol and all the other people in the forum that I might not recall now who have commented into my topic and kept me convinced that this was the true way. I am sooo much indebted to you guys.

 

Anyway I will be around in the forum to help people time after time and I know I can not explain everything that happened to me during this time. If you read my topic and than this success story you will definitely know the difference. You can also ask on certain issues and I will gladly answer to each of you same as the people that I thanked above have done for me. To all the guys who are tapering you are doing right. You have nothing wrong with your brain. It just needs the time to adopt to a life without stimulants.

YOU WILL ALL MAKE IT FREE SAME AS ME GUYS…. Just stay the course….

 

LOVE YOU ALL

SANTINO

 

Well done Santino.  Wishing you all the best in your life.  Thank you for your support. 

Do you experience any symptoms now or are you symptoms free?

Best wishes,  Hopefull. :)

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Santino
6 hours ago, Hopefull said:

Well done Santino.  Wishing you all the best in your life.  Thank you for your support. 

Do you experience any symptoms now or are you symptoms free?

Best wishes,  Hopefull. :)


HI Hopefull

Thanks a lot for your comment and interest my friend. 
I am almost symptoms free nowadays. Life is back to normal with just simple bumps here and there... let's say once in 1-2 months when i overdo something or try any simulant like alcohol. Normally i have bad sleep for o 1-2 days and after that things go back to normal. How about you my friend??? Hope you are good tooo.

All the best

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Hopefull
On 11/13/2018 at 8:27 PM, Santino said:


HI Hopefull

Thanks a lot for your comment and interest my friend. 
I am almost symptoms free nowadays. Life is back to normal with just simple bumps here and there... let's say once in 1-2 months when i overdo something or try any simulant like alcohol. Normally i have bad sleep for o 1-2 days and after that things go back to normal. How about you my friend??? Hope you are good tooo.

All the best

Hi Santino,

That is great. 

I am good . Still tappering.

I made a cut last half of 0.125mg last night and it will be my last cut before I stop. I have meds until March and after that no more as it has been discontinued. 

I am happy to know that life has pretty much returned to normal for you. 

I hope that will be the case for me.

Take care, 

Hopefull.

 

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xyz

Santino,

i like your positivity! please visit my thread when you have time. i need some of it lately!

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