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lalala

Feeling lonely / loneliness

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lalala

So I  have been  taken 2 drugs...  That  a Dr.  Prescribed ,,  I was withdrawing  from  an ssri  and they made things worst   then  came to SA,  I  stabilized  for a while,   had to move homes and  the stress has made me depressed and anxious...  The loneliness  of it all...  I live alone and  feel  exhausted  most days and scared...  I haven't  tapered  anything... I don't  have a support  system  so it's hard on top of the wd's.  I don't  know  how to handle  family  because  I  have a sister  which has been helpful  in the practical  side but she stresses  me  as she can be harsh and has no idea  how to be compassionate  my brother  is nice but wants positive attitude  and events which I  don't  have at the moment  to share so he doesn't  want to  hear it... So he doesn't  call.  So I  feel devastating  but that's how they function. 


2007-2016 citalopram 20mg -40mg

tappered and discontinued all of oct 2016 6 month taper  (wd symptom  insomnia and some ocd anxiety)

Nov.2016 -May 2017 cipralex 20mg

June-Sept 2017  xanax 0.25- 0.50mg   3 times a week

June 2017- Sept. 25.2017  Paxil  20mg - last week was 30mg bc of drug feeling reaction

Sept 27 - Oct 12 2017 Fluxatine 20mg

discontinuation Oct 13-18th 2017 withdrawal  from paxil and fluxatine

Reinstated Oct 19- 23 Fluxtine 10mg, Oct 24- 2 2017 Fluxatine 5mg,  Nov 2-19 2017   Fluxatine 10mg Dec-Jan 4 2018 Fluxatine 20mg, Reinstated Feb 18 2018  fluxatine 1mg, didnt work  June 6  Celexa  5mg than 10mg, June 3 Klonopin  .5 - 1mg,    june 11 oxazepam 5-10mg,   zopiclone in june  7.5mg  on and off,    June 24 reduced  to  5mg Celexa 

Nov. 20 2018 titration k  0.02mg reduction from 0.5- 0.380mg,  Nov.  25 2018  mourol 1 dose for cystitis

March started Brassmonkey method   0.30 k   current 0.28 k

celexa 5mg

 

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xyz

all right, someone has to reply to you.

feeling lonely is a very normal feeling. nothing wrong with it.

can you think more about what you mean by "feeling lonely"?

 

sometimes for me, it has to do with being bored or a lack of distraction.

and when i add "there something wrong with this" - i label it Loneliness.

 

it is okay to be bored. that is when you need to work on mindfulness.

notice when you mind start to tell stories about your experience. come back to your breath, do that for 15 minutes, then get up and start to do things.

anything.

 

the more you do, the more distraction you will have, and pretty soon your mind will be distracted by other things very easily.

the worse you can do is to sit home alone and think that the world is having a party while you are not.

they are all made up stories in your head.

 

 

 

 

 

The-opposite-of-happiness-is-not-sadness-its-boredom.jpg


june 2014 to feb  2015- on xanax 0.25 to 1mg/day- then CT - jan 2016 - panic attack, went on 3.75mg remeron to sleep march 2016- CT remeron (because it caused me tinnitus)- deep depression, couldn't sleep because of  intrusive Tinnitus

april to june 2016- valium 4mg, xanax as needed, lunesta 3mg

june 2016 - valium 4mg, lexapro 10mg

oct 2016- valium 2mg, lexapro 10mg- hold

march 2017- started daily micro liquid taper of valium and lex- -taper speed 0.0033mg valium daily and 0.033mg lex daily

may 2018- valium 1mg, lexapro 2.4mg - i had to slow down the rate of my daily micro taper considerably

LAST dose of Lexapro: 0.05mg on 05/17/19

LAST dose of valium: 0.04mg on 08/18/19

April 26th 2020- intense panic attack that lasted 4 days, akatisia, 0 sleep- suicidal, almost hospitalized- took rescue doses over 2 days- total: 1.5mg xanax, 18mg valium, 2x5mg lexapro

 

 

 

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ChessieCat

You make a very good point xyz.

 

The feeling wheel can also be helpful to work out what you are actually feeling:  https://med.emory.edu/excel/documents/Feeling Wheel.pdf


Being very patient.  I'll get there - slowly.  ETA mid 2021

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (caused muscle weakness), Zoloft/sertraline; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (mild Serotonin Toxicity)

Began tapering Oct 2015  Current from 12 Sept 2020:  Pristiq 0.625 mg (compounded)

My tapering program

My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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lalala
22 hours ago, xyz said:

all right, someone has to reply to you.

feeling lonely is a very normal feeling. nothing wrong with it.

can you think more about what you mean by "feeling lonely"?

 

sometimes for me, it has to do with being bored or a lack of distraction.

and when i add "there something wrong with this" - i label it Loneliness.

 

it is okay to be bored. that is when you need to work on mindfulness.

notice when you mind start to tell stories about your experience. come back to your breath, do that for 15 minutes, then get up and start to do things.

anything.

 

the more you do, the more distraction you will have, and pretty soon your mind will be distracted by other things very easily.

the worse you can do is to sit home alone and think that the world is having a party while you are not.

they are all made up stories in your head.

 

 

 

 

 

The-opposite-of-happiness-is-not-sadness-its-boredom.jpg

Hey xyz, I just saw your message I just went to setting as I'm not receiving my messages.... What your saying applies to bordem or inactivity  which makes you  think to much and  get you depressed in our circumstances ... but emotions can happen even when you are active  as you may be hurt or misunderstood by someone...  


2007-2016 citalopram 20mg -40mg

tappered and discontinued all of oct 2016 6 month taper  (wd symptom  insomnia and some ocd anxiety)

Nov.2016 -May 2017 cipralex 20mg

June-Sept 2017  xanax 0.25- 0.50mg   3 times a week

June 2017- Sept. 25.2017  Paxil  20mg - last week was 30mg bc of drug feeling reaction

Sept 27 - Oct 12 2017 Fluxatine 20mg

discontinuation Oct 13-18th 2017 withdrawal  from paxil and fluxatine

Reinstated Oct 19- 23 Fluxtine 10mg, Oct 24- 2 2017 Fluxatine 5mg,  Nov 2-19 2017   Fluxatine 10mg Dec-Jan 4 2018 Fluxatine 20mg, Reinstated Feb 18 2018  fluxatine 1mg, didnt work  June 6  Celexa  5mg than 10mg, June 3 Klonopin  .5 - 1mg,    june 11 oxazepam 5-10mg,   zopiclone in june  7.5mg  on and off,    June 24 reduced  to  5mg Celexa 

Nov. 20 2018 titration k  0.02mg reduction from 0.5- 0.380mg,  Nov.  25 2018  mourol 1 dose for cystitis

March started Brassmonkey method   0.30 k   current 0.28 k

celexa 5mg

 

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lalala
18 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

You make a very good point xyz.

 

The feeling wheel can also be helpful to work out what you are actually feeling:  https://med.emory.edu/excel/documents/Feeling Wheel.pdf

Hi CC, thxs for poping by   and the wheel!  

 

 


2007-2016 citalopram 20mg -40mg

tappered and discontinued all of oct 2016 6 month taper  (wd symptom  insomnia and some ocd anxiety)

Nov.2016 -May 2017 cipralex 20mg

June-Sept 2017  xanax 0.25- 0.50mg   3 times a week

June 2017- Sept. 25.2017  Paxil  20mg - last week was 30mg bc of drug feeling reaction

Sept 27 - Oct 12 2017 Fluxatine 20mg

discontinuation Oct 13-18th 2017 withdrawal  from paxil and fluxatine

Reinstated Oct 19- 23 Fluxtine 10mg, Oct 24- 2 2017 Fluxatine 5mg,  Nov 2-19 2017   Fluxatine 10mg Dec-Jan 4 2018 Fluxatine 20mg, Reinstated Feb 18 2018  fluxatine 1mg, didnt work  June 6  Celexa  5mg than 10mg, June 3 Klonopin  .5 - 1mg,    june 11 oxazepam 5-10mg,   zopiclone in june  7.5mg  on and off,    June 24 reduced  to  5mg Celexa 

Nov. 20 2018 titration k  0.02mg reduction from 0.5- 0.380mg,  Nov.  25 2018  mourol 1 dose for cystitis

March started Brassmonkey method   0.30 k   current 0.28 k

celexa 5mg

 

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JackieDecides
8 hours ago, lalala said:

but emotions can happen even when you are active  as you may be hurt or misunderstood by someone...  

yes, they can. but emotions are temporary, they are not facts, and you need to watch how you think about them. for example, when I am lonely I often catching myself thinking "if I wasn't so stupid I wouldn't have moved around so much and I'd have a support system" "it's my fault for making stupid mistakes" and so on.

 

hopefully when you aren't doing that! 

 

love the Feeling Wheel, Chessie Cat


Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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xyz

lalala, i meant to write more but ran out of time.

sorry i didn't mean to be dismissing. i went through what you went through, i immigrated to the US twenty years ago and was really lonely and had panic attack daily.

it was strange to me that some people would feel fine alone and can stay occupied while others would have a hard time.

i think having a job that you like is really important.

 

i also found a meditation group and started to meditate daily and made friends along the way.

try to find a spiritual group to give you support. it is hard enough to go through life alone, let alone if you have to withdraw from psych meds.

also until you develop more coping skills, understand your mind better, it might be best to stay on them for a bit more.

not to scare you, but loneliness is nothing compare to psych med withdrawal.

 


june 2014 to feb  2015- on xanax 0.25 to 1mg/day- then CT - jan 2016 - panic attack, went on 3.75mg remeron to sleep march 2016- CT remeron (because it caused me tinnitus)- deep depression, couldn't sleep because of  intrusive Tinnitus

april to june 2016- valium 4mg, xanax as needed, lunesta 3mg

june 2016 - valium 4mg, lexapro 10mg

oct 2016- valium 2mg, lexapro 10mg- hold

march 2017- started daily micro liquid taper of valium and lex- -taper speed 0.0033mg valium daily and 0.033mg lex daily

may 2018- valium 1mg, lexapro 2.4mg - i had to slow down the rate of my daily micro taper considerably

LAST dose of Lexapro: 0.05mg on 05/17/19

LAST dose of valium: 0.04mg on 08/18/19

April 26th 2020- intense panic attack that lasted 4 days, akatisia, 0 sleep- suicidal, almost hospitalized- took rescue doses over 2 days- total: 1.5mg xanax, 18mg valium, 2x5mg lexapro

 

 

 

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xyz
8 hours ago, lalala said:

Hey xyz, I just saw your message I just went to setting as I'm not receiving my messages.... What your saying applies to bordem or inactivity  which makes you  think to much and  get you depressed in our circumstances ... but emotions can happen even when you are active  as you may be hurt or misunderstood by someone...  

 

before you have an emotion, you have a thought.

(some school of psychology would debate on this. whether thought or emotion come first)

 

when you meditate everyday, you can see that your mind is filled with thoughts, they just arise spontaneously. 

if you don;t chase your thought, and stay with your breath or a mantra, you will see that you don;t have to follow the mental shatter.

you come back to the moment present all the time. if someone said something that hurt you yesterday, that was yesterday. it is only a problem if you let yourself pulled by the thought.

then you will add "they don't understand me" " no one has understood me, because i am depressed" etc...

this added layer of thought is what cause emotional turmoil.

depression comes with obsessive thoughts can causes emotional loops and overload the nervous system.

if we beat ourselves 24/7, so yes we will be tired, anxious and depressed.

 

by stopping our entrenched emotional habit, we are rewiring our brain . we don;t have to react the same way, and we can feel more empowered to write our own story.

it is a journey, no doubt.

but we are all here, trying to withdraw from psych med. we all have our own tormenting thoughts that had haunted us to make us start taking these drugs in the first place.

you are not alone

 

 

 


june 2014 to feb  2015- on xanax 0.25 to 1mg/day- then CT - jan 2016 - panic attack, went on 3.75mg remeron to sleep march 2016- CT remeron (because it caused me tinnitus)- deep depression, couldn't sleep because of  intrusive Tinnitus

april to june 2016- valium 4mg, xanax as needed, lunesta 3mg

june 2016 - valium 4mg, lexapro 10mg

oct 2016- valium 2mg, lexapro 10mg- hold

march 2017- started daily micro liquid taper of valium and lex- -taper speed 0.0033mg valium daily and 0.033mg lex daily

may 2018- valium 1mg, lexapro 2.4mg - i had to slow down the rate of my daily micro taper considerably

LAST dose of Lexapro: 0.05mg on 05/17/19

LAST dose of valium: 0.04mg on 08/18/19

April 26th 2020- intense panic attack that lasted 4 days, akatisia, 0 sleep- suicidal, almost hospitalized- took rescue doses over 2 days- total: 1.5mg xanax, 18mg valium, 2x5mg lexapro

 

 

 

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lalala
9 hours ago, xyz said:

lalala, i meant to write more but ran out of time.

sorry i didn't mean to be dismissing. i went through what you went through, i immigrated to the US twenty years ago and was really lonely and had panic attack daily.

it was strange to me that some people would feel fine alone and can stay occupied while others would have a hard time.

i think having a job that you like is really important.

 

i also found a meditation group and started to meditate daily and made friends along the way.

try to find a spiritual group to give you support. it is hard enough to go through life alone, let alone if you have to withdraw from psych meds.

also until you develop more coping skills, understand your mind better, it might be best to stay on them for a bit more.

not to scare you, but loneliness is nothing compare to psych med withdrawal.

 

Xyz  unfortunately the drugs,  are not  doing anything  for me as I have anxiety  I wake up  a few times  with cortisol  or anxiety  it varies...I can't  handle  stress  very  well  lately   I  feel  alone in this process...  I moved homes and there still a lot to do...  The fatigue  is always  there...  I have no live because  of it almost I do the basics but still  feel body aches not always... Never had panic  attacks...  Mostly  anxiety  attacks and that was because  of ssri wd ...  Thxs to benzo as my body  wants more  never  had shortness of breath,  among other symptoms ..  I'm basically  wding  with  out  decreasing anything... I don't know  what will be when  I  start  the process...  I sometimes  wish I  would  have wd after a month...  The feeling  alone coming  from all this  and the unknown 


2007-2016 citalopram 20mg -40mg

tappered and discontinued all of oct 2016 6 month taper  (wd symptom  insomnia and some ocd anxiety)

Nov.2016 -May 2017 cipralex 20mg

June-Sept 2017  xanax 0.25- 0.50mg   3 times a week

June 2017- Sept. 25.2017  Paxil  20mg - last week was 30mg bc of drug feeling reaction

Sept 27 - Oct 12 2017 Fluxatine 20mg

discontinuation Oct 13-18th 2017 withdrawal  from paxil and fluxatine

Reinstated Oct 19- 23 Fluxtine 10mg, Oct 24- 2 2017 Fluxatine 5mg,  Nov 2-19 2017   Fluxatine 10mg Dec-Jan 4 2018 Fluxatine 20mg, Reinstated Feb 18 2018  fluxatine 1mg, didnt work  June 6  Celexa  5mg than 10mg, June 3 Klonopin  .5 - 1mg,    june 11 oxazepam 5-10mg,   zopiclone in june  7.5mg  on and off,    June 24 reduced  to  5mg Celexa 

Nov. 20 2018 titration k  0.02mg reduction from 0.5- 0.380mg,  Nov.  25 2018  mourol 1 dose for cystitis

March started Brassmonkey method   0.30 k   current 0.28 k

celexa 5mg

 

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lalala
9 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

yes, they can. but emotions are temporary, they are not facts, and you need to watch how you think about them. for example, when I am lonely I often catching myself thinking "if I wasn't so stupid I wouldn't have moved around so much and I'd have a support system" "it's my fault for making stupid mistakes" and so on.

 

hopefully when you aren't doing that! 

 

love the Feeling Wheel, Chessie Cat

Thxs Jackie decides,  it's  true,  I feel  the drugs  have weaken me physically and mentally...  Anxiety  wakes me up 3-4am

Takes time if I do go back to sleep... So sleep  deprivation  brings depression  too.  Not on my best 


2007-2016 citalopram 20mg -40mg

tappered and discontinued all of oct 2016 6 month taper  (wd symptom  insomnia and some ocd anxiety)

Nov.2016 -May 2017 cipralex 20mg

June-Sept 2017  xanax 0.25- 0.50mg   3 times a week

June 2017- Sept. 25.2017  Paxil  20mg - last week was 30mg bc of drug feeling reaction

Sept 27 - Oct 12 2017 Fluxatine 20mg

discontinuation Oct 13-18th 2017 withdrawal  from paxil and fluxatine

Reinstated Oct 19- 23 Fluxtine 10mg, Oct 24- 2 2017 Fluxatine 5mg,  Nov 2-19 2017   Fluxatine 10mg Dec-Jan 4 2018 Fluxatine 20mg, Reinstated Feb 18 2018  fluxatine 1mg, didnt work  June 6  Celexa  5mg than 10mg, June 3 Klonopin  .5 - 1mg,    june 11 oxazepam 5-10mg,   zopiclone in june  7.5mg  on and off,    June 24 reduced  to  5mg Celexa 

Nov. 20 2018 titration k  0.02mg reduction from 0.5- 0.380mg,  Nov.  25 2018  mourol 1 dose for cystitis

March started Brassmonkey method   0.30 k   current 0.28 k

celexa 5mg

 

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xyz
1 hour ago, lalala said:

Xyz  unfortunately the drugs,  are not  doing anything  for me as I have anxiety  I wake up  a few times  with cortisol  or anxiety  it varies...I can't  handle  stress  very  well  lately   I  feel  alone in this process...  I moved homes and there still a lot to do...  The fatigue  is always  there...  I have no live because  of it almost I do the basics but still  feel body aches not always... Never had panic  attacks...  Mostly  anxiety  attacks and that was because  of ssri wd ...  Thxs to benzo as my body  wants more  never  had shortness of breath,  among other symptoms ..  I'm basically  wding  with  out  decreasing anything... I don't know  what will be when  I  start  the process...  I sometimes  wish I  would  have wd after a month...  The feeling  alone coming  from all this  and the unknown 

 

lalala, re-read yourself. this wishing things to be different is part of your distorted thoughts.

after one month, i told you to withdraw, do you remember this? and you said that you were still unstable, and didn't want to get off the benzo.

 

when we look back, it is really easy to wish for things to be different. but the reality is that you were not ready.

accept things at they are right at this moment. 

today you are just tired, live for one day at a time. leave the worries for tomorrow.

and again, you are young, you have no kids, try to exercise.

 

what if today is the last day of your life? how would you like to live it?

would you worry about tomorrow? and withdrawing from meds?

 

what i usually do to focus on what I CAN DO is to make a list of what i would like to accomplish. and everyday, I do a little bit of it.

try it. don't focus on what limits you.

 


june 2014 to feb  2015- on xanax 0.25 to 1mg/day- then CT - jan 2016 - panic attack, went on 3.75mg remeron to sleep march 2016- CT remeron (because it caused me tinnitus)- deep depression, couldn't sleep because of  intrusive Tinnitus

april to june 2016- valium 4mg, xanax as needed, lunesta 3mg

june 2016 - valium 4mg, lexapro 10mg

oct 2016- valium 2mg, lexapro 10mg- hold

march 2017- started daily micro liquid taper of valium and lex- -taper speed 0.0033mg valium daily and 0.033mg lex daily

may 2018- valium 1mg, lexapro 2.4mg - i had to slow down the rate of my daily micro taper considerably

LAST dose of Lexapro: 0.05mg on 05/17/19

LAST dose of valium: 0.04mg on 08/18/19

April 26th 2020- intense panic attack that lasted 4 days, akatisia, 0 sleep- suicidal, almost hospitalized- took rescue doses over 2 days- total: 1.5mg xanax, 18mg valium, 2x5mg lexapro

 

 

 

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lalala
21 minutes ago, xyz said:

 

lalala, re-read yourself. this wishing things to be different is part of your distorted thoughts.

after one month, i told you to withdraw, do you remember this? and you said that you were still unstable, and didn't want to get off the benzo.

 

when we look back, it is really easy to wish for things to be different. but the reality is that you were not ready.

accept things at they are right at this moment. 

today you are just tired, live for one day at a time. leave the worries for tomorrow.

and again, you are young, you have no kids, try to exercise.

 

what if today is the last day of your life? how would you like to live it?

would you worry about tomorrow? and withdrawing from meds?

 

what i usually do to focus on what I CAN DO is to make a list of what i would like to accomplish. and everyday, I do a little bit of it.

try it. don't focus on what limits you.

 

I do that I focus,  maybe  I  will  feel  better  once  I'm settled  and start titration,  excerise   mindfulness... Regarding  the benzo I was recommended  to stabilize...  It did help the problem  was the setback of looking  for a home moving and I had to deal with alot of  setbacks. 


2007-2016 citalopram 20mg -40mg

tappered and discontinued all of oct 2016 6 month taper  (wd symptom  insomnia and some ocd anxiety)

Nov.2016 -May 2017 cipralex 20mg

June-Sept 2017  xanax 0.25- 0.50mg   3 times a week

June 2017- Sept. 25.2017  Paxil  20mg - last week was 30mg bc of drug feeling reaction

Sept 27 - Oct 12 2017 Fluxatine 20mg

discontinuation Oct 13-18th 2017 withdrawal  from paxil and fluxatine

Reinstated Oct 19- 23 Fluxtine 10mg, Oct 24- 2 2017 Fluxatine 5mg,  Nov 2-19 2017   Fluxatine 10mg Dec-Jan 4 2018 Fluxatine 20mg, Reinstated Feb 18 2018  fluxatine 1mg, didnt work  June 6  Celexa  5mg than 10mg, June 3 Klonopin  .5 - 1mg,    june 11 oxazepam 5-10mg,   zopiclone in june  7.5mg  on and off,    June 24 reduced  to  5mg Celexa 

Nov. 20 2018 titration k  0.02mg reduction from 0.5- 0.380mg,  Nov.  25 2018  mourol 1 dose for cystitis

March started Brassmonkey method   0.30 k   current 0.28 k

celexa 5mg

 

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xyz

so you acknowledge that it was helpful for you to say on the benzo?

good! i am glad that you can look at it this way.

just take it easy.


june 2014 to feb  2015- on xanax 0.25 to 1mg/day- then CT - jan 2016 - panic attack, went on 3.75mg remeron to sleep march 2016- CT remeron (because it caused me tinnitus)- deep depression, couldn't sleep because of  intrusive Tinnitus

april to june 2016- valium 4mg, xanax as needed, lunesta 3mg

june 2016 - valium 4mg, lexapro 10mg

oct 2016- valium 2mg, lexapro 10mg- hold

march 2017- started daily micro liquid taper of valium and lex- -taper speed 0.0033mg valium daily and 0.033mg lex daily

may 2018- valium 1mg, lexapro 2.4mg - i had to slow down the rate of my daily micro taper considerably

LAST dose of Lexapro: 0.05mg on 05/17/19

LAST dose of valium: 0.04mg on 08/18/19

April 26th 2020- intense panic attack that lasted 4 days, akatisia, 0 sleep- suicidal, almost hospitalized- took rescue doses over 2 days- total: 1.5mg xanax, 18mg valium, 2x5mg lexapro

 

 

 

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lalala
57 minutes ago, xyz said:

so you acknowledge that it was helpful for you to say on the benzo?

good! i am glad that you can look at it this way.

just take it easy.

Yes and like you said I can't look back , I had setbacks which stopped me from taper... But now feels like im back to square one  with bad sleep, exhaustion hope it can improve, maybe getting off the drug can help me feel better? also have been going to  a gov. clinic for therapy but its not really helping me... expect for distraction.


2007-2016 citalopram 20mg -40mg

tappered and discontinued all of oct 2016 6 month taper  (wd symptom  insomnia and some ocd anxiety)

Nov.2016 -May 2017 cipralex 20mg

June-Sept 2017  xanax 0.25- 0.50mg   3 times a week

June 2017- Sept. 25.2017  Paxil  20mg - last week was 30mg bc of drug feeling reaction

Sept 27 - Oct 12 2017 Fluxatine 20mg

discontinuation Oct 13-18th 2017 withdrawal  from paxil and fluxatine

Reinstated Oct 19- 23 Fluxtine 10mg, Oct 24- 2 2017 Fluxatine 5mg,  Nov 2-19 2017   Fluxatine 10mg Dec-Jan 4 2018 Fluxatine 20mg, Reinstated Feb 18 2018  fluxatine 1mg, didnt work  June 6  Celexa  5mg than 10mg, June 3 Klonopin  .5 - 1mg,    june 11 oxazepam 5-10mg,   zopiclone in june  7.5mg  on and off,    June 24 reduced  to  5mg Celexa 

Nov. 20 2018 titration k  0.02mg reduction from 0.5- 0.380mg,  Nov.  25 2018  mourol 1 dose for cystitis

March started Brassmonkey method   0.30 k   current 0.28 k

celexa 5mg

 

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xyz

setbacks are only temporary.

your brain will heal as long as you help it.

just don't add more fear and negative thinking whenever you are aware of doing that.


june 2014 to feb  2015- on xanax 0.25 to 1mg/day- then CT - jan 2016 - panic attack, went on 3.75mg remeron to sleep march 2016- CT remeron (because it caused me tinnitus)- deep depression, couldn't sleep because of  intrusive Tinnitus

april to june 2016- valium 4mg, xanax as needed, lunesta 3mg

june 2016 - valium 4mg, lexapro 10mg

oct 2016- valium 2mg, lexapro 10mg- hold

march 2017- started daily micro liquid taper of valium and lex- -taper speed 0.0033mg valium daily and 0.033mg lex daily

may 2018- valium 1mg, lexapro 2.4mg - i had to slow down the rate of my daily micro taper considerably

LAST dose of Lexapro: 0.05mg on 05/17/19

LAST dose of valium: 0.04mg on 08/18/19

April 26th 2020- intense panic attack that lasted 4 days, akatisia, 0 sleep- suicidal, almost hospitalized- took rescue doses over 2 days- total: 1.5mg xanax, 18mg valium, 2x5mg lexapro

 

 

 

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I suffer from bone crushing loneliness. My husband is not the warm fuzzy type either. I am often alone with hardly anyone except cashiers, waitresses, etc. to talk to. My husband just wants to lecture me on letting my mind run away when I want to talk and share my feelings.

I am surviving on talk therapy as my social life. 

Any thoughts or encouragement?

Is this Neuro loneliness? 

Is there such a thing?


This is the best of my recollection.

20 mg Prozac 3-4 days per week until May 2018.

Beginning May 15 I began to drop doses. 

I dropped 1 dose per week for the next 4 weeks.

It was not systematic at all. I don't have which days I took what.

so the week of May 13 I took 4 doses, which was pretty normal for me.

Then the week of May 20 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The week of May 27 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The 1st week in June l took 2 doses 20 mg.

The week of June 10, 2018 was my last dose 20 mg.

I had been on Prozac only. No other medications.

 

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On the other hand, I guess anyone would be lonely in my situation😪

I have been so miserable for so many months.

Maybe I should reinstate even though it has been about 11 months. 

So much going on. House destroyed in Harvey, living w husband and boys in a cheesy 12x36 building.

Have to go outside in the cold/rain to do #2.

dismal weather, longest winter in memory  when I have s.a.d.

empty nest syndrome....

 

 


This is the best of my recollection.

20 mg Prozac 3-4 days per week until May 2018.

Beginning May 15 I began to drop doses. 

I dropped 1 dose per week for the next 4 weeks.

It was not systematic at all. I don't have which days I took what.

so the week of May 13 I took 4 doses, which was pretty normal for me.

Then the week of May 20 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The week of May 27 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The 1st week in June l took 2 doses 20 mg.

The week of June 10, 2018 was my last dose 20 mg.

I had been on Prozac only. No other medications.

 

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needhelpguy

Hang in there Tweet, how about joining volunteer corps? It can make you evaluate life in positive way


Prozac 10 mg December 2016

Prozac 20 mg January 2017 - October 2017

Prozac 20 mg March 2018 - April 2018

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India

We all share a collective loneliness here. 


1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse manic reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     

2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante

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Stormstrong

bone crushing loneliness, yes.....


2000: Paxil, low dose. 2001: Paxil, quickly tapered off. 2006: Zoloft, 25mg. 2007: Wellbutrin, low dose, discontinued after a week or a month. 2007-2009: Zoloft, increasing dose (up to 75mg). 2009-2011: Zoloft, failed withdrawal attempts (cold-turkey; fast tapering). 2009-2011: Trying out Cymbalta, Celexa, Prozac, Lexapro, Ambien, Ativan, and Xanax. 2012-2015: Zoloft, 100mg to 200mg. 2013: Trazadone for Zoloft-induced insomnia, 25mg to 50mg.  2015: Trileptal, dose?, withdrew; Bupropion, up to 200mg. 2016: Zoloft, 137mg, Bupropion, 150mg, Trazodone, 25mg.

05/21/16: Began Zoloft taper - 10% from 150mg - 137ish mg

06/23/16: Zoloft taper - 125mg

08/03/16: Bupropion XL taper - cut 150mg pill in crude half (mistake)

10/31: Zoloft successfully down to 100mg. Staying on 100mg for 2-3 months to let my brain rest.

11/09: Wellbutrin SR prescribed, 150mg once a day, for withdrawal.

12/11: Wellbutrin SR, twice daily - minus 18ishmg = 112.50mg

09/30/17: Off Wellbutrin SR successfully. Zoloft taper: 90ish mg (shaving it off). Trazodone: still at 50mg.

June 2018: Zoloft: 80ish (shaving off). Trazodone: 6mg. End of 2018: Off Trazodone.

01/20: Zoloft: 70ish?

08/20: Still around 80 or 70. Tapering by only 15 shaves each month.

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thecowisback

no wonder you're struggling tweet after what you've been through and battling withdrawals on top! it's hard not being able to share our feelings with loved ones. they can't understand what withdrawals are like unless they've been there themselves. come on here and vent as we all know how it feels. i hope you find a permanent home soon xxxx


Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg

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Thanks so much for the words of comfort, all!

My emotions are so unreliable right now.

Some days I'm fine with husband, living situation, etc. Other days I feel like my house is a prison and my husband is the evil jailkeeper. I hate his looks, his sounds, his presence, I don't feel love or trust, and feel so smothered and anxious and alone,  I think I'm going to have a heart attack. I just want OUT 😭!! Then boom the next day or hour I'm like what is the big deal about living situation, I love my husband and feel bad for all those ugly thoughts about him and bad feelings, the sun and butterflies come out again, and I am like who was that person?? So scary.!! Is that withdrawal or am I truly losing my mind???

Does anyone else do that???

Am I NUTS??

Split personality?

Or paws???

Neuro emoting?

 


This is the best of my recollection.

20 mg Prozac 3-4 days per week until May 2018.

Beginning May 15 I began to drop doses. 

I dropped 1 dose per week for the next 4 weeks.

It was not systematic at all. I don't have which days I took what.

so the week of May 13 I took 4 doses, which was pretty normal for me.

Then the week of May 20 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The week of May 27 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The 1st week in June l took 2 doses 20 mg.

The week of June 10, 2018 was my last dose 20 mg.

I had been on Prozac only. No other medications.

 

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thecowisback

paws. i was happy in my life before all this started. now i hate where i live, hate everything about my home and area. i can't be bothered with my house - cleaning and diy have just gone by the board for the last couple of years. i do what's necessary and no more.the whole house needs decorating but i can't do it and don't want to do it as i'm convinced i'm not staying here, even though i have nowhere else to go and was perfectly happy with my home before all this. it's completely crazy and makes no sense whatsoever.

i guess my feelings about my home are like those for your husband. we know it doesn't make sense and will hopefully all go back to normal when this crap is over and done with 🙏🙏🙏


Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg

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Definitely 🙏🙏🙏

Yes! I used to love diy for my home, even this Lil cabin! I had no problem with it before withdrawal. I was like, it's a fun challenge to get by in this tiny house!

Now it is a grim and scary place and it feels dark and oppressive most of the time. No desire to clean, fix up. Just a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I return to it. Very weird!

And the loneliness consumes me even when my sons and husband are home with me too. So crazy. 

I have thought, maybe the house thing is because such suffering has taken place there. Kind of a paws PTSD reaction?

 


This is the best of my recollection.

20 mg Prozac 3-4 days per week until May 2018.

Beginning May 15 I began to drop doses. 

I dropped 1 dose per week for the next 4 weeks.

It was not systematic at all. I don't have which days I took what.

so the week of May 13 I took 4 doses, which was pretty normal for me.

Then the week of May 20 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The week of May 27 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The 1st week in June l took 2 doses 20 mg.

The week of June 10, 2018 was my last dose 20 mg.

I had been on Prozac only. No other medications.

 

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thecowisback

could be. i can't get my head round it. before this is something needed doing i'd just get the drill or hammer and nails out and fix it. now i'm terrified to tackle anything as i'm convinced the job will go badly wrong. i have no idea how i ever put up shelves or decorated before all this happened as the thought of doing these things now fill me with horror.

my family get sick of me moaning about how much i hate this house and nagging them to move. they day i'll still have the same thoughts in my head wherever i move to and i know they're right because i loved my home before all this started.

i'm sorry you're going through the same thing 😧 none of it makes any sense at all 😭


Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg

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That's what my husband says too! And he is right, and I know he is! I can't be happy living anywhere and when I think about that my anxiety skyrockets! Anyway I feel better knowing it is probably paws and that you know what I am taking about.😊


This is the best of my recollection.

20 mg Prozac 3-4 days per week until May 2018.

Beginning May 15 I began to drop doses. 

I dropped 1 dose per week for the next 4 weeks.

It was not systematic at all. I don't have which days I took what.

so the week of May 13 I took 4 doses, which was pretty normal for me.

Then the week of May 20 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The week of May 27 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The 1st week in June l took 2 doses 20 mg.

The week of June 10, 2018 was my last dose 20 mg.

I had been on Prozac only. No other medications.

 

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thecowisback

💙


Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg

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Adili13

My girlfriend of almost 3 years left me a few months ago. That combined with withdrawal has given me the most profound loneliness I’ve ever experienced. Sometimes, when I’m with friends, I’ll just put my arm on them or something to feel less alone. They’re ok with it and know it serves a purpose. 


2008: start Lexapro 10 mg which is quickly upped to 20 mg. 2008:2013 try at least four individual times to get off Lexapro, never get lower than 5mg, settle at 15 mg. 2015: again, attempt to get off Lexapro and get to 5 mg. After 6 months, feel i'm stabilizing but go back on a higher dose because of one stressful event. 2016: go to 20 mg from 15 mg due to work stresses, hit severe tolerance for the first time and become very suicidal. 2016-2017: try viibryd and cymbata in an attempt to feel better. Also add Lamictal 150 at some point. 2017: eventually land on paxil 37.5 and Lamictal 150. January 2018: cut paxil to 25. April-July 2018: reduce Lamictal in 50 mg increments till im off August. 2018: reduce paxil to 20 mg. december 2018: dropped Paxil to 18 mg, SEVERE CRASH. March updosed to 20 mg April 11: dropped to 19.4 mg due to akathsia (still experiencing akathsia symptoms from updose) April 20: 19 mg Paxil May 4: 18.7 Paxil July 5: 18.2 July 12: 17.8 Aug 19: 17.5 Aug 26: 17.3 Oct 20: 17.1 Nov 3: 16.9, 8/17/20: 16.6 after nine month hold, 8/24/20: 16.4, 8/31/20:16.2, 9/14/2020: 16.0, 9/21/20: 15.8

 

Medication signature.docx

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So sorry to hear about your having a break-up during withdrawal. 

It is good that your friends are understanding. 

A new life awaits you on the other side of your suffering and loneliness.

I personally can feel intensely lonely even in my husband’s arms.

Like so many other horrific symptoms it makes no sense at all.

But it will probably fade and then disappear with time like all the others. 

 


This is the best of my recollection.

20 mg Prozac 3-4 days per week until May 2018.

Beginning May 15 I began to drop doses. 

I dropped 1 dose per week for the next 4 weeks.

It was not systematic at all. I don't have which days I took what.

so the week of May 13 I took 4 doses, which was pretty normal for me.

Then the week of May 20 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The week of May 27 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The 1st week in June l took 2 doses 20 mg.

The week of June 10, 2018 was my last dose 20 mg.

I had been on Prozac only. No other medications.

 

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Adili13

Thanks tweet! I couldn’t agree more. I think your feelings will come back for your husband. That kind of numbness is so common both on the drugs and in withdrawal. Pretty much every story I’ve read says it goes away with time. Patience for all of us :)


2008: start Lexapro 10 mg which is quickly upped to 20 mg. 2008:2013 try at least four individual times to get off Lexapro, never get lower than 5mg, settle at 15 mg. 2015: again, attempt to get off Lexapro and get to 5 mg. After 6 months, feel i'm stabilizing but go back on a higher dose because of one stressful event. 2016: go to 20 mg from 15 mg due to work stresses, hit severe tolerance for the first time and become very suicidal. 2016-2017: try viibryd and cymbata in an attempt to feel better. Also add Lamictal 150 at some point. 2017: eventually land on paxil 37.5 and Lamictal 150. January 2018: cut paxil to 25. April-July 2018: reduce Lamictal in 50 mg increments till im off August. 2018: reduce paxil to 20 mg. december 2018: dropped Paxil to 18 mg, SEVERE CRASH. March updosed to 20 mg April 11: dropped to 19.4 mg due to akathsia (still experiencing akathsia symptoms from updose) April 20: 19 mg Paxil May 4: 18.7 Paxil July 5: 18.2 July 12: 17.8 Aug 19: 17.5 Aug 26: 17.3 Oct 20: 17.1 Nov 3: 16.9, 8/17/20: 16.6 after nine month hold, 8/24/20: 16.4, 8/31/20:16.2, 9/14/2020: 16.0, 9/21/20: 15.8

 

Medication signature.docx

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Yes, patience. 

Sure could use some neuro-patience right now lol.

So glad to hear that encouragement about the feelings.

Thank you!🙂


This is the best of my recollection.

20 mg Prozac 3-4 days per week until May 2018.

Beginning May 15 I began to drop doses. 

I dropped 1 dose per week for the next 4 weeks.

It was not systematic at all. I don't have which days I took what.

so the week of May 13 I took 4 doses, which was pretty normal for me.

Then the week of May 20 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The week of May 27 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The 1st week in June l took 2 doses 20 mg.

The week of June 10, 2018 was my last dose 20 mg.

I had been on Prozac only. No other medications.

 

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powerback

Hi @tweet I read your post about your "meltdown".my own thoughts never leave me alone but im getting better very slowly at not reacting ,its so hard what happens to us.you need to work on the guilt and shame part  in this.we get so hard on ourselves because we are living with an invisible condition .maybe educate your family so they can understand whats going on .because we are constantly worrying how we affect our loved ones.

Anxiety is a big thing here .maybe it be good to plan out your days so as you have no surprises ,I used to enjoy cooking ,these days its a chore .if someone else is in the kitchen it distracts me so when im bad I do my cooking around everyone else's .

Maybe sandwiches made the night before to have ready ,its all about relieving pressure on yourself and lets not forget you have 2 sons also ,maybe its time to give yourself credit .[I find this hard to find myself a lot].

Take care.

 

Sorry I thought this was your thread. 


Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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Raindrop

4/27/19

Loneliness and anger in withdrawal:

I isolate myself from family because I don't want them to know how depressed and negative  and intolerant I really am.  I tried to tell them about withdrawal, but they do not understand.  They do not want to hear anything negative.  So, this forum is the only place I have to talk about withdrawal.  I have become this angry, short-tempered person because of paxil.  I am depressed.  I went back on paxil at 5 mg and it's not doing any good.  I'm scared.  It's hard to feel the warmth of sunshine, the birds singing and seeing the beautiful flowers this spring.  The paxil numbs my feel good feelings for everything and only leaves hatred and bitterness.  I constantly worry about how I affect my loved ones, so I isolate and in doing so, I know I'm ruining my relationships with my loved ones.   I tell them it's not them, it's the withdrawal, but they do not understand.  Some of them trigger me and I have to stay away from them.  They want me to "just get over it."  

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Thanks, Powerback. Glad to know I am not the only one. I am like that in the kitchen, too. 

I do need to work on the guilt and shame. For me the hardest person to forgive is myself, and especially

for the past year I am far from perfect. Hope your day is good, and again, thanks. 


This is the best of my recollection.

20 mg Prozac 3-4 days per week until May 2018.

Beginning May 15 I began to drop doses. 

I dropped 1 dose per week for the next 4 weeks.

It was not systematic at all. I don't have which days I took what.

so the week of May 13 I took 4 doses, which was pretty normal for me.

Then the week of May 20 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The week of May 27 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The 1st week in June l took 2 doses 20 mg.

The week of June 10, 2018 was my last dose 20 mg.

I had been on Prozac only. No other medications.

 

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Raindrop

April 28,2019

Only by the grace of God I am here today.  I ruined by relationship with my adult son whom I love.  We have always had a good relationship.  I got angry and intolerant of his family issues concerning me.  I can't be around his family as they trigger my rage.  My gut hurts and I cry deep inside.  I hate this life.  How did I get here?  I wasn't like this before.  What happened to the love I once had for others.  How does a person go on from here.  I feel like I'm in my own hell that I made for myself and feel very stuck.  I'm not asking anyone to feel sorry for me.  I'm expressing this so that anyone who comes off paxil and goes back on it is aware of the severe depression that they may get every day. 

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Raindrop, I have been where you are.

The deep pain in my middle depths because I could never cry hard enough to express my suffering. It got better for me. And I lived through it. You will too.

You will most likely be ok by your son at some point. But don't give up!

This is a no holds barred fight for our souls. 

 


This is the best of my recollection.

20 mg Prozac 3-4 days per week until May 2018.

Beginning May 15 I began to drop doses. 

I dropped 1 dose per week for the next 4 weeks.

It was not systematic at all. I don't have which days I took what.

so the week of May 13 I took 4 doses, which was pretty normal for me.

Then the week of May 20 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The week of May 27 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The 1st week in June l took 2 doses 20 mg.

The week of June 10, 2018 was my last dose 20 mg.

I had been on Prozac only. No other medications.

 

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