☼ JackieDecides: off Lexapro / escitalopram, tapering omeprazole

[JackieDecides]

I am grateful for the internet, even though there is so much I want to keep up with that if I'm not careful, it doesn't leave time for Real Life. or, life in 3D. 

 

I'm grateful for the fact that I'm not in pain right now.

 

I'm grateful that it's been days since real coffee and it's getting a little easier to abstain, which will make the workday less stressful. 

[Carmie]

Thanks for popping around to my thread to say hi Jackie, 

 

How have you been doing over the last year?🧡

[JackieDecides]

On 1/17/2021 at 1:28 AM, Carmie said:

Thanks for popping around to my thread to say hi Jackie, 

 

How have you been doing over the last year?🧡

 

I'm better. 

still struggle with things but staying with one job/one town for awhile now means I now have my feet under me again. I'm about ready to go looking for a new job and improve my life if I can. 

I get the second shot of the vaccine on Thursday. so grateful! 

[Carmie]

3 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

 

I'm better. 

still struggle with things but staying with one job/one town for awhile now means I now have my feet under me again. I'm about ready to go looking for a new job and improve my life if I can. 

I get the second shot of the vaccine on Thursday. so grateful! 

Glad you feel like you’ve got your feet under you again Jackie, 

 

Are you staying in the same town? Just wanting to change jobs?

 

It’s nice to see some of your gratitude lists🧡

 

[JackieDecides]

thanks, Carmie, I love reading your gratitude lists as they are very inspiring. 

 

I am considering relocating for a better job since there isn't much in this small town. and rents are so high I might as well move to somewhere bigger where there are more options and things to do (because this pandemic WILL end) if I have to pay high rent or have roommates, whatever it takes. 

[Carmie]

5 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

thanks, Carmie, I love reading your gratitude lists as they are very inspiring. 

 

I am considering relocating for a better job since there isn't much in this small town. and rents are so high I might as well move to somewhere bigger where there are more options and things to do (because this pandemic WILL end) if I have to pay high rent or have roommates, whatever it takes. 

Hope all goes well with your plans Jackie, 

 

I was going to write another gratitude list today, but my brain fog is just so thick, tomorrow is another day. Still grateful for the things I have to look forward to.

 

Good night from Australia 🧡

[Carmie]

Hi Jackie, 

 

Thanks for dropping around to my neck of the woods. How have you been doing?🤗

[Carmie]

Hi Jackie, 

 

Hope you’re doing okay🧡

[JackieDecides]

5 hours ago, Carmie said:

Hi Jackie, 

 

Hope you’re doing okay🧡

yes, I'm good.  I still struggle with anxiety and depression but I now do it working two jobs and that's hard but doable. I don't deal with stress very well.

 

I should really do a sucess story thread I think. but like many, I am doing well enough I don't have enough time to come back here and update! 

 

 

On 10/7/2020 at 6:44 AM, JackieDecides said:

I am decaffeinating myself and today I am down to one cup of green tea, followed by one of decaff green tea. this is a struggle so I am Dragon Ass this morning. the workday will be stressful, though, so when that starts happening I will be glad not to be so irritable. 

 

I still struggle with caffeine - I'm drinking coffee now. it's not my friend, but I do it anyway! 

 

thank you for asking, Carmie! 

[Altostrata]

On 7/12/2021 at 6:24 AM, JackieDecides said:

I should really do a sucess story thread I think. but like many, I am doing well enough I don't have enough time to come back here and update! 

 

Well, all right!

 

Because you're feeling better, I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol ☼ to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

[Carmie]

Yay! You got a cheery “here comes the sun symbol.” ☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️🎉🎉🎉

 

Hope you’re coping okay with your jobs, sending hugs🤗

[Carmie]

Hi Jackie, 

 

Just popping in to see how you’re doing. Are you still doing really well? I’m very happy for you🧡

[JackieDecides]

Hi Carmie! 

 

thank you for asking, how well I am doing really depends on ...well, let's just say I apparently get to keep the depression I've had my whole life and the anxiety I developed as an adult. I'm just doing it now without SSRIs, thank goodness. 

 

I can't really tell how well my coping is - not ideal, for sure - due to how complex everything is since the pandemic. I haven't had a job I don't hate for as long as I can remember and I haven't felt at home anywhere for years now - since going off the drugs. I can't find a place to live I can afford, and knowing I'm not alone with that doesn't really help. 

 

as usual, I struggle with using caffeine to deal with depression and lack of energy and alchohol/overeating/etc  to deal with increased anxiety and not currently doing very well.  

 

also, fairly overwhelmed just trying to keep up with texts and emails, don't time for all places to talk to people on the internet, like here for example. 

 

since I have been off SSRIs a long time now, I know I should post my a "sucess" story but am I sucessful? unclear! how much struggle is normal? I really don't know, but less than this I'm pretty sure. 

 

I wish I had better news to report. 

[Carmie]

On 10/29/2021 at 12:09 AM, JackieDecides said:

Hi Carmie! 

 

thank you for asking, how well I am doing really depends on ...well, let's just say I apparently get to keep the depression I've had my whole life and the anxiety I developed as an adult. I'm just doing it now without SSRIs, thank goodness. 

 

I can't really tell how well my coping is - not ideal, for sure - due to how complex everything is since the pandemic. I haven't had a job I don't hate for as long as I can remember and I haven't felt at home anywhere for years now - since going off the drugs. I can't find a place to live I can afford, and knowing I'm not alone with that doesn't really help. 

 

as usual, I struggle with using caffeine to deal with depression and lack of energy and alchohol/overeating/etc  to deal with increased anxiety and not currently doing very well.  

 

also, fairly overwhelmed just trying to keep up with texts and emails, don't time for all places to talk to people on the internet, like here for example. 

 

since I have been off SSRIs a long time now, I know I should post my a "sucess" story but am I sucessful? unclear! how much struggle is normal? I really don't know, but less than this I'm pretty sure. 

 

I wish I had better news to report. 

So sorry to hear about all of your struggles Jackie, 

 

I’m sorry your anxiety and depression are so bad, but I’m glad you got off your medication successfully. Are you getting any help with that, do you see a counsellor? They might be able to help you with the overeating/ drinking/ too much caffeine etc. 
 

I’ve always found FasterEFT really good to help deal with emotions, you can do that on your own at home. I haven’t done it for ages, but it’s one of those things that’s always really helped.
 

Journaling is fabulous too. I always feel good when I get all of my thoughts out of my head and down on paper.

I’m sorry that you don’t like where you live now, it can certainly be hard making ends meet at times. I hope you manage to find a place that feels like home one of these days.🧡

[Carmie]

Hi Jackie, 

 

How has your anxiety and depression been lately?🧡

[JackieDecides]

On 11/26/2021 at 2:46 PM, Carmie said:

Hi Jackie, 

 

How has your anxiety and depression been lately?🧡

 

thanks for asking, Carmie, and for your suggestions. I've known for a long time I could benefit from a councellor, but have only tried once (I mean recently) and didn't have a good connection with the person I ended up seeing. and money is such a big issue. 

 

journaling is a good idea!  

 

also, practice at being grateful for what I already have - a "graditude" journal specifically - is a good idea. 

 

It's very hard to be objective, but I used to feel these emotions but at a much lower level of functioning that I do now. for example, in 2019 I could barely tolerate music: if it wasn't very gentle classical music it stressed me out. now? I can and do drive down the road with Rock & Roll blasting at me and enjoy it. as long as I can choose the song! 

 

my life was already pretty challenging and then the pandemic started and made it harder for everybody, no question. but I go lurching onwards, towards what I hope is a new normal. 

 

 

[Carmie]

On 11/30/2021 at 12:39 AM, JackieDecides said:

 

thanks for asking, Carmie, and for your suggestions. I've known for a long time I could benefit from a councellor, but have only tried once (I mean recently) and didn't have a good connection with the person I ended up seeing. and money is such a big issue. 

 

journaling is a good idea!  

 

also, practice at being grateful for what I already have - a "graditude" journal specifically - is a good idea. 

 

It's very hard to be objective, but I used to feel these emotions but at a much lower level of functioning that I do now. for example, in 2019 I could barely tolerate music: if it wasn't very gentle classical music it stressed me out. now? I can and do drive down the road with Rock & Roll blasting at me and enjoy it. as long as I can choose the song! 

 

my life was already pretty challenging and then the pandemic started and made it harder for everybody, no question. but I go lurching onwards, towards what I hope is a new normal. 

 

 

Hi Jackie, 

 

I’m sorry for your struggles, but I’m happy to hear that there are some improvements. How great you can tolerate music again. That’s definitely a bonus. Good ol’ loud music blasting on road trips. Love it!

 

Take care🧡
 

 

 

[Ariel]

Hello @JackieDecides

Just stopping by to say hi and thank you for your posts here. I've been reading through your thread and am moved by your honesty and perseverance. I appreciate how you share your gratitude lists. 

I can relate to some of the struggles you describe in terms of societal structures and logistics of daily life. Civilization can seem so stupid and unforgiving and random. When I read about what you're going through, I'm impressed with your fighting spirit and willingness to feel, even when it hurts. To me that's part of the healing journey -- learning how to cultivate sensitivity in the face of adversity, and how to practice drawing strength from that. I admire your courage!

Thinking of you and sending good vibes, thank you for being an inspiration.

A.

[JackieDecides]

On 4/8/2022 at 8:03 AM, Ariel said:

Civilization can seem so stupid and unforgiving and random.

 

Hi Ariel, thank you for your post - I appreciate the kind words. 

 

someone just sent me a PM asking how I'm doing and so I think I will also post my answer to them.

 

I have never gone back on antidepressants (so called!) and I never will, but I do have a good deal of both depression and anxiety. What I need is a job where I'm paid for all the hours I'm expected to be available for work, affordable housing, and a society that provides healthcare for everyone based on need rather than profit. 

 

In other words, it's not me!  thank you for asking! 

 

Jackie

 

[Ariel]

Hi @JackieDecides 

Thanks so much for coming back to post an update! It's really good to hear from you. 

 

54 minutes ago, JackieDecides said:

I have never gone back on antidepressants (so called!) and I never will

 

Congratulations! Hats off to you for sticking with it and making it this far. That's a big deal. I hope you give yourself credit! 

 

50 minutes ago, JackieDecides said:

What I need is a job where I'm paid for all the hours I'm expected to be available for work, affordable housing, and a society that provides healthcare for everyone based on need rather than profit. 

 

I hear you.

Sigh. 

Oh I do wish I could fix this for all of us. 

 

57 minutes ago, JackieDecides said:

I do have a good deal of both depression and anxiety.

 

57 minutes ago, JackieDecides said:

In other words, it's not me!

 

Wow! It sounds like you are navigating challenging circumstances with grit and grace, living your life while remaining drug-free. That's amazing! It's so cool that you don't blame or doubt yourself or turn against yourself in the face of adversity. 

 

Thanks again for taking the time to come back and update. It would be awesome to read your success story in the recovery forum someday, if/when you ever feel like sharing. I can't tell whether you consider yourself "recovered" (whatever that means to you), but even if not, it seems clear you are well on your way. 

 

Remember we are still here to support you. You may be farther along on your healing journey than some others, but that doesn't mean you are alone. I can imagine coming out of withdrawal there might often be a complex transitional phase of building a new life. I don't know where you're at with that, but I just want you to know, this community is here for you, whatever you are going through, wherever you are in your process. 

 

I'm grateful for you <3

A.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Altostrata]

Hello, @JackieDecides, how are you doing?

[JackieDecides]

On 5/15/2022 at 6:45 AM, Ariel said:

Wow! It sounds like you are navigating challenging circumstances with grit and grace, living your life while remaining drug-free.

 

On 5/15/2022 at 6:45 AM, Ariel said:

Remember we are still here to support you. You may be farther along on your healing journey than some others, but that doesn't mean you are alone.

 

 

thank you for asking @Altostrata and for the kind words, @Ariel I am doing about the same, I think, it's hard to keep track. 

 

But I just got a new driver's lic and the photo looks like a woman who aged more than a year since the last one. which was a year ago! the same challenges, and the same fear of the coming short/dark days. 

 

But I am taking a vacation coming up and it will be my first real one in a long time, so that will be nice. 

 

 

[RachelSusan]

@JackieDecides I have been following you for a long while now. I watched as you moved to Colorado and then to Oregon. I read about your upstairs neighbor, the vet that had a squeaky floor, and I read about your various jobs.  While you struggled you seemed to also find witty and funny things to say, at least I read them that way. You said you were out of debt and up to broke. That made me smile. You made other little comments as well that I could relate to, comments that gave me a lift.

 

It's been a while since you posted. I don't know if you have the inclination or the time, but if you are willing I would really love to know how are you. How is your anxiety? Did you ever find the job that paid you fairly? Are you still in the same small town in Oregon? 

 

You've been through so much. I hope for the very best for you.

[Carmie]

Hi Jackie, 

 

How have you been?🧡

[andy96gr]

Hello @JackieDecideshow are you doing now 🙂?