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JackieDecides

JackieDecides: off Lexapro / escitalopram, tapering omeprazole

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JackieDecides

the road have been almost 100% better, just icy on the side roads like on my block. but we have more snow predicted before Monday.

 

for years now, I go back and forth over do I need a new job or a new place to live. since health insurance comes with a job (sometimes, anyway) you would think job first, right? but sometimes I think if I only lived somewhere affordable than I could relax about the job and just work anywhere. Starbucks, even.  if I didn't have so much rent to pay I could live on whatever they pay, probably $9 an hour or something. 

 

so I go through spurts where I read and respond to the roommate wanted ads on Craig's List. most places won't work because I have a dog and one, at least, said I could move in but they had three big dogs (my is little and timid and old) and I decided that would be too stressful for her.

 

I also look for and respond to ads for caregivers. I especially would like to find someone who needs a live-in for nights and weekends, then has others for the week days so that I could work. that would be a great way to save money and I would be a good caregiver, I'm sure. I have tons of work experience with all kinds of health issues and just advanced age. but again, those I have contacted aren't willing to have someone with a dog move in. (and who can blame them?)

 

IF this current job works out, the plan was then to find a new place to move into. but after the last two weeks I'm very afraid it won't work and I need to find yet another job, SO stressful. 

 

and what about relocation? I have become more and more sure that the worst thing I have done to myself is relocate so many times I have lost contact with my "in real life" friends and not made any new ones. if I need a new job and a new place to live, I should relocate somewhere one of the old friends live, right? and re-connect? I sent out feelers and got 2 "nice to hear from you" emails back, but it's hard to pick up the pieces. 

 

I do not have a good plan at all. my blood pressure is back up. the weather has been horrible. 

 

in good news, I have now reading Claire Weeks "Self Help for your nerves" - so that's good. 

 

😐

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JackieDecides

since my anxiety seems to be worse - or at least no better and going on ... a couple of weeks? I keep having those thoughts like "I can't stand it anymore" that I have to argue with. of course I can.

 

what is keeping me going is knowing I had those same thoughts - and for weeks - when I had bad insomnia last November (or whenever it was) and then it got better. the insomnia went away and now, when it pops up again, I know I can handle it.

 

so I am looking forward to the anxiety going away and then my knowing when it pops up again I can handle it. I want to get to that place.  I am hoping the Weekes book is inspiring and gives me confidence. 

 

 

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JackieDecides

the last two jobs I took, this Home Health one in December and the nursing home back in July, I had decided that relocating would be too stressful for me and so a full time job with benefits where I already live was the answer.

the nursing home job was so toxic and stressful I can't even tell you. so I rushed to get another and, now, I have this one.

and it's not working out. my benefits haven't even started yet - although they may already be taking money for them out of my check, I haven't looked - and it's not working out.

 

so, now I will have to relocate, I think. so giant stress, is what I'm saying. 

 

but? I keep thinking that "I feel anxious because this job isn't working" and the reality is I haven't had a job that was working for years and years. I feel anxious because I keep freaking out about the job not working. 

I hope I am stronger than I was last summer because I'm going to need to be. 

 

 

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JackieDecides
2 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

it's not working out. my benefits haven't even started yet - although they may already be taking money for them out of my check, I haven't looked - and it's not working out.

 

or maybe it is too soon to say it isn't working out, I really can't tell. but my immediate reaction to everything wrong (I'm not being paid what I was promised, but I just got an email from my manager saying "It needs to be fixed") my caseload is too low (but that is temporary, maybe) and I can't even log into the site where I can see my paycheck stub. (if I go into the office during a weekday, I should be able to call the helpline and get help with it, yes?)  as I say, my immediate reaction is OMG THIS ISN'T WORKING and I have to get another job right now.

 

which is dumb. 

 

 

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Carmie

Hi JackieDecides, 

 

Thanks for coming around to my thread the other day. I hope everything works out with your job, that must be very stressful for you. We really don’t need any extra stress when going through withdrawals, that’s for sure.

 

Our emotions are ramped up too and some things can actually seem worse than they are. Even the smallest of things can become really big in our eyes. Good ol’ neuro emotions. I hope you are able to cope with the stresses in your life at the moment. Don’t forget self care, rest, and getting some good distractions.

 

Sending hugs🤗

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JackieDecides
17 hours ago, Carmie said:

I hope you are able to cope with the stresses in your life at the moment. Don’t forget self care, rest, and getting some good distractions.

 

I'm glad I have been sleeping OK but I never get any exercise lately, and neither does my poor little dog. 

 

last week I drove in snow conditions that weren't safe, I was afraid to decide not to go because it was giving in to anxiety and it was the wrong decision.

yesterday I didn't go, we have heavy rain (and it's still coming down) and I started driving out of town and seeing the water coming up over the roadway I got very anxious and turned around. I ended up seeing one patient in town and then stayed home the rest of the day. others got around in it just fine, so I may have "given in to anxiety" - just not sure. once this week and once a couple months ago something happened to my car - a short? mechanic wasn't sure - but slushy snow brought it on both times and 3 dash lights (one of them blinking) came on and scared me. so besides driving in the rain I was afraid of the car breaking down or even (and I know this is dumb) I was afraid of looking at those lights again. 

 

and I decided - right or wrong - that I was sick of feeling anxious and I had a glass of wine with lunch and another with supper. it was such a relief not to feel anxious for a few hours!  but what a slippery slope that could be, I am aware. 

 

rain still coming down switching to snow tonight. I will just take it as it comes, see what happens. but plan on NOT having more wine for....today, anyway. 

 

 

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JackieDecides

I have wanted to post here a couple times but then didn't since I feel like I am talking to myself. I have been in a wave for all of February and a bit before then, too, I think.

 

I wish I had been keeping track better so I could say, look, things aren't as consistently bad as they were two weeks ago but I haven't been keeping track.

 

I know that I used to be surprised to read people often have more anxiety (even a spike, that sounds awful) in the mornings whereas I have been used to thinking of myself as a "morning person" and that was when I felt my best.  but in this wave if the anxiety isn't all day long, it tends to wane later in the day and mornings are the worst. so, yay me, fitting in. 😏

 

someone scolded me online for not trying hard enough to socialize by driving to the church I'd been going to last summer. since I read that I have been thinking is it worth it to go back and explain the church is in a city 30 minutes away - that's not too bad - but there is a stretch of road (Washoe Valley) where I am afraid of the freeway even in daylight and with no snow or ice. I have become much, much more anxious driving since a couple bad experiences trying to work these last two weeks and I went to my PRN job for a half day yesterday. on my ONE day off this week I can't force myself to try to drive all that way on the scary freeway and I don't know if I am up for explaining myself. 

 

I am hearing a lot more birdsong these days, despite the cold and snow and clouds. so that's good. 

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mdwstrx

Hi Jackie.

Thanks for popping into my thread and posting.  I'm sorry you're finding yourself in a wave.  Hoping as the weather clears and warmer temps/sunshine arrive, the waves will melt away.  Winter seems so much more difficult the older we get (I'm in my late 50s).  

 

Sorry to hear someone 'scolded' you.  We all have to work things out in our own time and have no right to impose our expectations on someone else.  However, I firmly believe we can't grow if we don't stretch; whatever that means to each one.  :)   To me, it means grasping the days now where I feel better and focusing positively on living.  It's not 100% but it wasn't even before all this happened.   I just read here where someone was lamenting who they would've been without drugs/wd.  But there's no way to know that fully.  There are a million different ways life could have gone.  But drugs/wd was the course it did take.  So, for me, keeping it real and being grateful for the good is where I find peace.  

 

Love the birdsong comment.  I live rural and I can always sense the change of seasons a month or so before those in town.  I hear the birdsong too!  🐦🐤🕊️

 

 

 

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JackieDecides
11 hours ago, mdwstrx said:

Love the birdsong comment.  I live rural and I can always sense the change of seasons a month or so before those in town.

 

lovely, I fantasize about living rural.

 

thanks for your post. 🤗

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Gracee
On 2/17/2019 at 8:59 AM, JackieDecides said:

 

 

someone scolded me online for not trying hard enough to socialize by driving to the church I'd been going to last summer. ........... I can't force myself to try to drive all that way on the scary freeway and I don't know if I am up for explaining myself. 

 

 

Hi Jackie,

That person had no right to scold you and you don't owe him/her any explanations.

I firmly believe our emotional and physical wellbeing comes before everything and anything.  First and foremost we need to take care of ourselves. IMO.

 

 

 

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Carmie

Hi JackieDecides, 

 

I’m sorry you’re in a wave at the moment. Remember to practice self care. It doesn’t matter what other people think, you have to take care of your health. 

 

I’m glad you’ve got beautiful birds singing around your place. We have birds on our balcony every day that we feed, including four kookaburras. We go through kilos of mince. They’ve kind of become pets.😁

 

I hope you start feeling a bit better soon💚

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RusTW
On 2/17/2019 at 7:59 AM, JackieDecides said:

I have wanted to post here a couple times but then didn't since I feel like I am talking to myself. I have been in a wave for all of February and a bit before then, too, I think.

 

I wish I had been keeping track better so I could say, look, things aren't as consistently bad as they were two weeks ago but I haven't been keeping track.

 

I know that I used to be surprised to read people often have more anxiety (even a spike, that sounds awful) in the mornings whereas I have been used to thinking of myself as a "morning person" and that was when I felt my best.  but in this wave if the anxiety isn't all day long, it tends to wane later in the day and mornings are the worst. so, yay me, fitting in. 😏

 

someone scolded me online for not trying hard enough to socialize by driving to the church I'd been going to last summer. since I read that I have been thinking is it worth it to go back and explain the church is in a city 30 minutes away - that's not too bad - but there is a stretch of road (Washoe Valley) where I am afraid of the freeway even in daylight and with no snow or ice. I have become much, much more anxious driving since a couple bad experiences trying to work these last two weeks and I went to my PRN job for a half day yesterday. on my ONE day off this week I can't force myself to try to drive all that way on the scary freeway and I don't know if I am up for explaining myself. 

 

I am hearing a lot more birdsong these days, despite the cold and snow and clouds. so that's good. 

Hi JD don't feel so bad for not driving lately. I live in your area and it's horrendous the traffic and the snow. My job requires me to drive doing deliveries in the area and I can guarantee you it's bad driving conditions. Better to be safe.

I get anxiety also having to go into the traffic during this weather.

Russ

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JackieDecides

thank you, Russ, I grew up in Minnesota so I feel like a weather wimp but the older I get the harder it is to tolerate cold and as for driving in snow/ice you really need to keep in practice. also, I lived a lot of my adult life in the Minneapolis area and they also plowed/sanded so well that's what I'm used to. I was appalled to move out west and find out they often don't bother to plow on the theory that the snow will melt soon anyway.  in this town they almost never plow the side streets and right now we have a lot of left over ice mounds all over my street. 

 

 

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JackieDecides
20 hours ago, Carmie said:

We have birds on our balcony every day that we feed, including four kookaburras.

 

omg, that sounds so exotic!  😍

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Gracee
48 minutes ago, JackieDecides said:

thank you, Russ, I grew up in Minnesota so I feel like a weather wimp but the older I get the harder it is to tolerate cold and as for driving in snow/ice you really need to keep in practice. also, I lived a lot of my adult life in the Minneapolis area and they also plowed/sanded so well that's what I'm used to. I was appalled to move out west and find out they often don't bother to plow on the theory that the snow will melt soon anyway.  in this town they almost never plow the side streets and right now we have a lot of left over ice mounds all over my street. 

 

 

Hi @JackieDecides I know you have two big emotional stressors on top of your withdrawal.  Your job requires that you drive in bad road conditions.   For me that combination would be emotionally overwhelming, so I totally understand what you are dealing with.  I think about you every day and also think about the serenity prayer:

  Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the power to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  

Hugs and hang in there my friend❣️

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JackieDecides
On 2/21/2019 at 6:17 PM, Gracee said:

Your job requires that you drive in bad road conditions.   For me that combination would be emotionally overwhelming

 

it has been a rough month. 

 

another thing happened to me, a patient's daughter complained to my manager I was "hurting" her mother when in fact I risked hurting my back to keep her from falling when her legs buckled during a transfer. so I had a hard time and then got slandered because of it! 

 

and for weeks now I have been thinking "this job isn't working out! I NEED it to work!" and not knowing if maybe I am just not working hard enough or what. 

 

this weekend I figured out that I need a different job and not in therapy. I'm going to try to find something else - and it will be entry level so I won't make enough money to live on, and so forth! - but I have decided the stress of looking for YET ANOTHER job at my age will be worth it in the long run. my back doesn't want to do this any more than my brain does!  wish me luck! 

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JackieDecides

Yesterday was extremely stressful and I did not react well to it, I overate to the point of pain and made things worse then I didn't get good sleep.

I thought the snow ice and muddy rural driveways was the worst of driving for my job but yesterday I got caught in a dust storm. It was scary and I turned around and didn't see three patients I was scheduled for, so no pay for most of the day!

Last night my computer died and I'm appalled how bad this makes me feel, like I am cut off from everyone and everything. Even though I am here posting on my phone!

I knew my first winter off ssris would be challenging but I really thought it would be just depression and instead it's anxiety.🤪

I've been reaching out to people from my past like crazy and it's not easy, you can't just reconnect with someone from 30 years ago.

I hope my life gets easier than this very soon.

But it's just feelings, right? What's actually happening to me, for example I have to drive today and tomorrow in winds predicted to be just as high as yesterday, is probably not dangerous, but the dread of what might happen and not knowing if I'm making the right decisions, and long-term worry about debt and trying to make a living and what has my blood pressure been I've been afraid to even take it, all of that just feels so awful.

But I went off the pills, so feels is what I signed up for, real feelings. 

I just really hope it gets better soon. 😳

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Happy2Heal
1 hour ago, JackieDecides said:

Yesterday was extremely stressful and I did not react well to it, I overate to the point of pain and made things worse then I didn't get good sleep.

I thought the snow ice and muddy rural driveways was the worst of driving for my job but yesterday I got caught in a dust storm. It was scary and I turned around and didn't see three patients I was scheduled for, so no pay for most of the day!

Last night my computer died and I'm appalled how bad this makes me feel, like I am cut off from everyone and everything. Even though I am here posting on my phone!

I knew my first winter off ssris would be challenging but I really thought it would be just depression and instead it's anxiety.🤪

I've been reaching out to people from my past like crazy and it's not easy, you can't just reconnect with someone from 30 years ago.

I hope my life gets easier than this very soon.

But it's just feelings, right? What's actually happening to me, for example I have to drive today and tomorrow in winds predicted to be just as high as yesterday, is probably not dangerous, but the dread of what might happen and not knowing if I'm making the right decisions, and long-term worry about debt and trying to make a living and what has my blood pressure been I've been afraid to even take it, all of that just feels so awful.

But I went off the pills, so feels is what I signed up for, real feelings. 

I just really hope it gets better soon. 😳

 

aww Jackie!! so sorry things have been so rough lately. it'll sound really lame to say it gets better (It does, but that's not much use to you NOW)

 

Oh I totally understand about feeling cut off if there's a problem w my computer. we had an 8 hr power outage once and I was pulling my hair out, not being able to get online. we get used to it and feel lost without it, I guess. Anyway it's perfectly understandable to feel cut off when you're not able to get online. 

 

well, in spite of all the crap going on in your life lately, there's some good things, some very good things, in there: reaching out to people and trying to reconnect- it's not easy, that's right, but YOU"RE DOING IT!! you are doing the hard stuff. It may not pay off right away but I bet you anything it will if you keep at it.

 

it's not easy building a new life post SSRI's, and you deserve a lot of credit for plugging away at it, day after day, in a job you don't like, with the stress of the weather and debt etc

 

yup, you're right, this is what we signed up for, all the real feelings! aren't you glad you got off the pills? :P 

 

it's gonna be ok though.

 

of course you're feeling stressed and scared due to the driving conditions (snow and then a dust storm?!?! what wild weather you have out there, yikes!!)

 and that person who complained unfairly about you, when you were going above and beyond for your job, geez!! that's just awful.

 

you might want to consider that a good portion of the anxiety and dread is coming from the WD and is not really reflective of how you'll feel in the future in similar situations. At least, I've found that's true for me. In the early stages of WD and healing, I had a hard time making a simple phone call and worried if that was because I was now "un drugged" but it turns out it was just WD/recovery because I don't have that problem now. I have very little anxiety doing things that I was really afraid to do earlier on in WD

 

so don't get discouraged thinking that you're always going to have these feelings, I think you'll find that the dread etc goes away.

Overall you seem like a very positive person, albeit WAY too hard on yourself!! so I think once you're further down the road into recovery, you're not going to be having this hard a time.

 

it sucks to hear it said over and over, it just takes time, but that seems to be the case, unfortunately

You've done a LOT to help yourself during this process which is great.

 

I hope you have a much better day today!!

 

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JackieDecides

Thank you, @Happy2Heal, you are a very wise person.

And reading your words makes me feel better 😍

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JackieDecides
Posted (edited)

I still have anxiety but my situation has been pretty horrible, February was a terrible month including Monday I got caught in a dust storm trying to get to patients out in the country and I'm going to need a new windshield now! Currently my dog has a flare-up of pancreatitis and, well I don't think it will come to this today, euthanasia is not out of the question. It's such a painful condition and frankly the vet care has been spotty, I changed my current vet because the last one wouldn't fit my dog in when she needed to be seen and since then I've been to the ER vet in Reno once, and yesterday my current vet wouldn't fit her in when she needed to be seen. I like them in general but was really angry yesterday and they are not open on the weekends at all. This is not good when your dog needs to be seen!

 

So I'm still anxious but I have reasons to be anxious plus my new job is not going at all well and I've already told them I don't want to keep doing it full-time if it means driving way out in the country, so we are negotiating about whether I can do it part-time or not. But it means I need to do another job hunt for the third time since last July.

Give it all that I feel like I'm actually dealing with things fairly well. 

But maybe I'm kidding myself , I Don't have the best track record with thinking clearly! 😉

Edited by JackieDecides
Typos

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Carmie

Hi JackieDecides, 

 

Thanks for popping over to my thread. I’m sorry to hear your dog is so sick, it’s heartbreaking when our animals get so sick. My cat has got lung problems.

 

I hope things work out job wise. I’m sorry February was such a horrible month for you. We can’t change the past though, we just have to close the book on the old chapter and start a new one 📖.  I hope this month is better for you. 

 

Take care, sending hugs 🤗

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JackieDecides

Thank you, Carmie, I appreciate it.

Sorry to hear your cat is poorly; I don't think I've heard of a cat with lung problems before, does she have to take medication?

My dog got

Various medications at the vet today and tonight ate a small amount about an hour ago and so far it's staying down so that's very good news!

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Carmie

Glad to hear your dog is keeping the meds down JackieDecides, 

 

My cat occasionally takes medication, but it doesn’t really do much. She’s doing okay though. Hope you’re coping okay💚

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neroli

Hello JackieDecides

 

Thank you so much for sending me an encouraging message yesterday.  That was so lovely.

 

I can see from your recent posts that you have been having to deal with a lot.

 

I do hope your situation eases soon and you can sort out your job.  It's so hard at times but hopefully there will be some better days not too far off.

 

With you in thought.

 

Neroli 💜

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Gracee

Hi Jackie,  You and your doggy have been on my mind.  Hope you are both OK.    I  think about you in a job that's not working out for you.   I spent a year in a job I hated and honestly wasn't suited for.   I'd wake up queasy most mornings just thinking about going into work.     

Things improved when I moved on to another line of work.   Hoping you find a suitable solution soon.

HUGS,

G.

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JackieDecides
Posted (edited)

ugh, very anxious morning. trying to float, float.....

 

my blood pressure has been too high again and one of the things stressing me out is the thought of talking to my doctor about it. I use phrases like "I've been stressing" and so far she hasn't figured out I am having anxiety but she's not dumb and sooner or later it will come up and she will want to use AD! 

 

currently taking 5 mg Ramipril once a day but i have some left over Metoprolol 25 mg and have taking them PRN and it works. I mentioned this to my doctor a few months ago and she was against it for some reason. but i have the Meto here and I know I have no problems with either taking it or stopping taking it so....I don't remember why she was against it. wanted to try something else, I guess. 

 

in case I talked about not having health insurance (which I do now, in theory, since March 1 - but haven't done anything about signing up with a new doctor) the one I'm talking about is a concierge doctor I pay $100/month to have, plus $50 for a visit. 

 

is it a chicken/egg situation with anxiety and high blood pressure? god knows that I worry about it, along with everything else.

 

@Altostrata

I tried to search here about it (searched on SA and high blood pressure) but ended up on Kelly Brogan's site reading about gluten and now am worried because I have been making so many sandwiches - like 5 days a week and all that gluten....!!!!

 

what I mean is, am I anxious because my BP is high ( I mean it's 140/90 right now) or is my BP high because I am having anxiety? or is it both? 

Edited by JackieDecides
try to clarify

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JackieDecides

well, at the very least I'm going to track my BP so as to face it, which I have been avoiding doing. 

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Altostrata

Hi, Jackie.

 

When did this blood pressure sitch start? Is high blood pressure constant or does it come in waves and windows? Are there any triggers? Withdrawal syndrome can cause high blood pressure. This is a temporary condition that goes away when your nervous system stabilizes.

 

Many people are not sensitive to gluten. If you are, you can usually feel the effect shortly after eating gluten. You might try going gluten-free for a few days and see if your symptom pattern changes.

 

Please keep daily notes on paper with times of day for when you take your drugs, their dosages, and your symptoms. You may also wish to keep a food diary. You can post your daily notes in this topic with a simple list format with time of day on the left and notation (symptom, drug and dosage) on the right. Post your notes here in your Intro topic.

 

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JackieDecides
8 hours ago, Altostrata said:

When did this blood pressure sitch start?

 

I've had high blood pressure for 20 years or more, it was untreated for awhile twice now.  it's been controlled at times for long stretches, but in the last 2 years only when I am not working or working only part time. I go up to full time and it goes up. and the more stressed I am, the worse it gets. 

 

so it feels like it's constant, meaning I don't think it's windows and waves. 

 

Quote

Are there any triggers?

 

the weather, for sure, just since the beginning of February. 

I was caught twice in bad snow conditions and also slid around on bad rural driveways. I was only actually stuck once but got very nervous about snow in general, all though February. then a week ago today I got caught in a dust storm that terrified me. I still need a new windshield. 

now they forecast snow or high wind and I start getting nervous. 

 

 

8 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Please keep daily notes on paper with times of day for when you take your drugs, their dosages, and your symptoms.

 

I will give this a try. but it sure seems like it's the same every day.  do you want me to post my blood pressure, too? 

 

 

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neroli

Hello JD

 

I do sympathise with you having anxiety - it is such a difficult one to deal with.  The driving conditions certainly don't help and I would get anxious just driving out of my suburb at the moment (used to love driving).

 

I hope you can have some rest and the anxiety will drop.  As well as your blood pressure.

 

With you in spirit

 

xx Neroli 💜

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Altostrata

If you track your symptoms, your blood pressure, and keep a food diary, you will be able to see if any foods are causing your symptoms. Histamine intolerance can cause high blood pressure, for example.

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JackieDecides
On 3/5/2019 at 3:57 PM, Altostrata said:

If you track your symptoms, your blood pressure, and keep a food diary, you will be able to see if any foods are causing your symptoms. Histamine intolerance can cause high blood pressure, for example.

 how did I miss this yesterday?

thank you, I will look in to it. 

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JackieDecides

I just had my dog euthanized and so today will spend a lot of time just crying*. will also do laundry, guess I can do both at once.

 

what is more lonely than coming home to a house with no dog in it?   and all these dog supplies to sort out and give away or trash. I hate to think what I spend in medicine just in the last week, hate to throw it away. guess I won't make any decisions today. 

 

poor Bunny, but now you will never be in pain again. 

 

I made an appointment with my doctor for monday about my BP. easiest thing is just take more pills, right? I know, lifestyle changes are better but for right now I think I need more pills. 

 

 

*just remembered, all those decades on Lexapro? I could barely ever cry. now, it's a flood.  

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jaxlin

oh no Jackie just saw your post so sorry and crying along with you, as will everyone on this site who has ever loved and lost a dog I'm sure. It's so painful but you're free of the worry at least, now that he's not suffering any more.

 

You're right about the crying or lack of it when on AD's  I think that is a big part of the problem when withdrawing, all the years of supressed sadness hits like a tsunami as you recall all the losses on a continuous loop.

 

Will be thinking of you!

take care

jaxlin  

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Gracee

Jackie, 

My heart is breaking for you.   For me there is nothing more painful than the loss of a beloved pet so I know you are hurting now.   We often morn our pets more deeply than people.  Please give yourself time to heal.   Please don't make any decisions for the time being.   Self-care is most important.   Feel free to PM me, OK?

Hugs,

G.

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Happy2Heal

oh I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with Gracee, you don't want to make any major decisions while you are grieving, it's such a vulnerable time

 

I had to euthanize my cat when I was early into my tapering, my beloved cat that I'd had for 18 yrs and just adored and I was horrified that I was unable to cry, I was still under the effects of the AD.  Now I have delayed grief, and when it hits, it seems that other losses are "bundled" up together and I grieve several at once.

 

be especially kind to yourself during this difficult time ok?

 

holding you close in thought

❤️

 

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