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JackieDecides

JackieDecides: off Lexapro / escitalopram, tapering omeprazole

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JackieDecides

thank you all for the kind thoughts, my house and day and life seem incredibly empty right now. every routine is off, most of the objects here remind me of her. I also keep thinking I hear the jingle her tags made when she shook herself.

 

I'm not making any decisions, just washing dog blankets and kind of making things tidy.  I found out Bunny's end of the couch is actually more comfortable than the one I've been using for years as my weight has made it sag and the footrest doesn't work right. so I am moving down to her end. 

 

again, thank you. 

 

 

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Gracee

Oh god Jackie.  I wish I could give your a hug.   I don't cry but am choking back tears.   

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Carmie

Hi Jackie, 

 

I just read your post. I really am so sorry that you lost your dog, that’s heartbreaking. I want to send you lots of hugs🤗🤗🤗🤗

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JackieDecides

thank you both!  although it's hard, I had been thinking of maybe relocating or at least downsizing and there is no doubt moving is easier without a pet. 

 

I have a couple hard weeks to get through with work but Spring weather should be here by the end of the week and thing are going to get easier, I just know it. 

 

I have considered just renting a room in someone's house and even being a live-in caregiver!  I took care of my Mom at the end of her life and it was the last time I felt consistently useful. you'd think have a job in therapy wouldn't have busy-work but it sure does. anyway, lots to do and think about. 

 

there's times I think I can never have another dog if for not other reason than the vet bills which is heart-breaking BUT someone pointed out I could foster and then the shelter pays the bills, that could work for me. 

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Carmie

Hi Jackie, 

 

I hope all goes well with your downsizing or relocating, and yes, fostering dogs is a lovely idea, but at the same time still a lot of work when you’re not feeling well. There are pros and cons to everything, aren’t there?  I’ve watched YouTube videos where they foster dogs, they always need people to help.

 

Wishing you all the best with your future plans💚

 

 

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Gracee

Hi Jackie,   Fostering a dog is a wonderful idea.   The companionship will be priceless. Wishing you the best if you decide to relocate.   I know you are not happy with weather conditions where you live

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xyz

jacky, i am so sorry about your dog.

i hope that whatever you are feeling right now will pass soon...

sending you hugs!

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neroli

Hello JD

 

So sorry to hear about your dog.  Very sad.

 

On 3/12/2019 at 2:57 AM, JackieDecides said:

I have a couple hard weeks to get through with work but Spring weather should be here by the end of the week and thing are going to get easier, I just know it. 

 

Good, bring on Spring and making driving easier for you.

 

Sending you best wishes

 

xxx Neroli 💜

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JackieDecides

I know I need to update my signature as it's not current but I am too tired and down tonight.

 

I have been having high blood pressure and my doctor increased my Ramipril from 5 mg a day to 5 mg twice a day.  the nice thing is, the anxiety I'd been having (which had gone down some from last month when it was 24/7 😕)    pretty much went away. 

 

but now I am depressed. I was a bit and then lost my dog so that's natural, but it seems to be worse the last two nights. I hope my body adjusts to the new dosage soon.  I just took my BP and it is down to  137/77  which is really good for me. last week I would come home from week, do some relaxation and deep breathing and then take it and it would be 155/95. 😧   I have had it for decades, though, I don't think it's anything to do with going off lexapro. 

 

I have been getting more used to my dog being gone but it's still very hard to come home to an empty house. 

 

 

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RusTW

Hi Jackie I just wanted to say hi and wish you a good day today. It's nice we got warm weather now right. I'm sorry to hear about your dog. Sending you positive vibes I hope you start feeling better soon wishing you some good windows

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JackieDecides

this morning I got anxious because my weight continues to go down, unplanned. when I saw my doctor last week she was a bit worried about it but I said I thought the loss had stopped. but it hasn't.  it might just be the anxiety, don't you think?

 

this afternoon an old friend said yes to my asking if we could be roommates!  this is excellent news, as I think what I need more than anything is to not be living alone. 

 

but this means relocating out of state and I've decided I am just going to take what I can fit in my little car - getting rid of 99% of what I currently own. a bit scary! so I am all wound up about that. 

 

but it's good news, in general. I needed a new job anyway, might as well look in a big city as in this little one where I couldn't find anywhere affordable to live and where I only have acquaintances, not a real friend. 

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Carmie

Hi JackieDecides,

 

Wishing you all the best with your move. I’m happy you will be moving in with your friend. Your spirits sound like they have lifted a bit.

 

Take care💚

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neroli

Hello JD

 

Ooooo - a move to another state and being roommate with your old friend.  That sounds so good for you - companionship and the chance to find  work that will suit you better.

 

Good for you.  Lots of best wishes for the move.

 

xxxx Neroli 💜

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FarmGirlWorks

That is awesome news, @JackieDecides -- congrats.

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JackieDecides

I had a rough week, especially Friday where I went to a new dentist and hated everything about them. they took 18 Xrays (WTH?) and I about gagged with maybe 1/3 of them. then they gave me bad news about my teeth: my gums are in terrible shape, some of my old fillings need to be replaced, a couple new cavities are starting and I forget what else. oh, yes, I brush too hard and have brushed some dents into my gums which will never heal.😟  I should have realized this might be a problem, I'd been warned about it in the past and it only makes sense with a lot of anxiety it might get worse. 

 

I was in serious anxiety mode and then I shared with them the fact that I was moving out of state and losing my insurance, not clear exactly when. Now I am about 90% sure I was covered and they could have gone ahead with the cleaning but instead I left, deciding I disliked them all enough that I didn't want them doing the cleaning. but now I have to find someone else to, ASAP. there is one I used to go to and they told me they often have cancellations so they will try to fit me in this week. 

 

and up until Thursday night I was hopeful a company that does estate sales could do one for me, but it's not going to be financially the best plan. The man gave me lots of good advice and was very kind (even offered to put an ad for me on his email list which is huge and that will be helpful) but I'm going to have to have a sale myself and feel more than a little overwhelmed about all that needs to be done.

 

I am so scattered and have been making poor choices - drinking, for example - that today I plan to start doing meditation again as well as Dr. Weil's 4-7-8 breathing and my 30 minute back pain stretching video.

 

I have to do this: self care is vital!!!!  please wish me - not luck, but the ability to DECIDE which is what I need to do. I decided to do these things and now I need to make them happen. 

 

thanks for all the kind words about the move, folks, I do think it's my best option but, oh man, what a lot of decisions to make and strangers to call and  thinking to do! 😳

 

 

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JackieDecides

this weekend wasn't the best - I got to social Saturday but overdid the eating and drinking and I think that's why my anxiety spiked yesterday and then I didn't get much done.

 

I need to relocate in a few weeks and there is a TON to do: I can't stop getting things done just because I am anxious. or short of sleep, or depressed, or anything else. I need to make things happen regardless. 

 

I did do ONE session of my back stretches DVD and that needs to happen every day. I have decided! 

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Gracee

Wishing you peace and comfort during this chaotic time.   Be good to yourself.

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JackieDecides

thank you, Gracee   😍

 

I do much better when I practice basic self care: eat well, stay hydrated, do your back exercises and so on. also started meditating again today. it was only 5 minutes (and it was HARD) but at least I started.

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Carmie

Hi Jackie, 

 

I’m sorry you’re going through stressful times. I hope things settle soon💚

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JackieDecides

thank you, Carmie

I've been having insomnia again but last night - after 3 bad nights - I slept great. what a relief. 

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JackieDecides

who shared this quote someone on SA?  I can't find it now, but I really love it. I started following the woman on twitter who said it.

 

"Mourning is the emotional labor of acceptance"  - I need to stop running from the labor pains, so I can reach acceptance. 

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Carmie

Hi Jackie, 

 

How are you going with the relocating? Have you moved yet? I hope you’re sleeping okay.💚

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JackieDecides

it's barely begun: I have started sorting all my things but feel like I haven't even made a dent in all that needs to be decided and sold, donated, thrown away or shipped.  I've been working just a bit under full time and at the end of the day - and then the weekend - don't get nearly enough done. I just have a few weeks as I have to be out of the house by the end of April.

 

moving somewhere I don't have a job is a bit scary, too. I don't regret the decision but I'm still scared. 

 

thanks for asking, Carmie. 

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Carmie

Moving certainly is a big job Jackie, 

 

I’m sorry you’re feeling scared. Going through withdrawals while doing it certainly doesn’t help, as our emotions are even more heightened. Just picture yourself in your nice new place. Imagine the day when you’re all settled in, and can finally relax. I hope job hunting goes okay. 

 

It’s amazing to see how much stuff we own we have to move, isn’t it? I’m a bit of a declutterer, and I’m always getting rid of stuff though. If I don’t wear certain clothes anymore I pass them onto a friend who is the same size as me. I don’t like owning lots of stuff. 

 

Wishing you all the best with your move💚

 

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JackieDecides

This week I finally got scared about my unplanned/unexplained weight loss. I've been losing for a long time now, but it made sense last year after going off Lexapro and then I've had so much anxiety at times. and I didn't want to talk about "anxiety" with my doctor (instead I would say "stress") so I was kind of avoiding the whole issue. she tried to talk me into a colonoscopy and I didn't take it seriously.

 

but I keep losing and was increasingly uneasy about it, this past weekend I had spent the week actually eating more than I wanted to, kind of thinking I would actually gain a bit and put that worry to rest and instead I still lost. 😮  suddenly I was terrified, sure that I have colon cancer and I'm dying. 

 

that was Monday and now I remember that I have no other symptoms so I need to just calm down. but both my doctor & I tried to get me scheduled for a colonoscopy before Friday when my job and my insurance ends but we were not able to. I did get a mammogram, which was fine, and today I am getting labs done. not sure what to hope for: I don't want diabetes (and was fine last August) but at least it would explain my weight loss! 

 

otherwise, I have to just keep plodding on and once I get to Colorado sign up for COBRA so I am covered again while looking for another job. 

 

my last week of work has slowed down so not as stressful and a friend has agreed to help me with the moving sale, which is a week from Saturday. so much to do! 

 

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JackieDecides

I  feel really anxious.

 

my moving sale is Saturday and I've been working all week but not getting nearly enough done. Today was stressful as my landlady was working in the yard all day with two teenage boys she hired and it's very awkward and tense when she is around for various reasons I'd explain if they weren't dull. and she is going to be here tomorrow, too, I am sorry to say. 

 

 I have that feeling of being overwhelmed and can't do anything. Like when you were in school and have a paper due and can't even START writing it. I feel sick because I was already full and then ate a bunch of cookies. I didn't sleep well last night.

 

I'm not looking for advice, just wanted to vent. it will all be over noon on Saturday. I hope I get at least some sleep Friday night. and tonight. 

 

WOE is me. 😟  kind of wallowing in self-pity, here. not useful at all. 

 

 

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Gracee

Venting is good.   Ignore your landlady and other distractions.   Just focus on what you need to do with your imaginary blinders on.  You will be fine.

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JackieDecides

thank you, Gracee.

I actually slept until 3 this morning and that's a lot better than it could be!  one more day to prepare and the sale itself will be a breeze compared to this. one more day, I can do it. 😉

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Gracee

Sleeping till 3 a.m. is such a gift to us insomniacs.     You can do this.   One step at a time.   Focus on what is at hand and zone out on everything else.   Use the power you have to get through today.   

G.

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JackieDecides

I only got 2 hours of sleep last night and am feeling pretty wiped out but got the sale well-organized finally. it was busy - lot of people but only one major sale and a lot of small ones. I was disappointed more didn't go. It did add up to soemthing good, just amazed at all the good things I had nobody wanted. hardly anybody bought books. :huh:

 

but I am very, very glad it's over and I think I would not do it again it was so hard. live and learn! I'm going to rest for what's left of the holiday weekend and then deal with how to get rid of the stuff on Monday. 

:)

whew! I'll bet I sleep like the dead tonight. 

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Carmie

Have a good rest JackieDecides, 

 

All the best with getting rid of the rest of your stuff. Moving is such a big enterprise, isn’t it?

 

Take care, sending hugs🤗

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Gracee

Glad you got that sale over with.   Keep moving forward.   I am absolutely positive  all will be good.

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JackieDecides
On 4/20/2019 at 5:52 PM, Carmie said:

Moving is such a big enterprise, isn’t it?

 

whew, it sure is.  

 

I was wildly anxious yesterday and it's at least partly my fault: after only sleeping 3 hours I had real coffee which felt and tasted great but then I stressed like crazy all day. 

today will be much better: I slept all night long and now I'm waking up with herbal tea. 

 

self care, DO IT!  😋

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Gracee

Hi Jackie, I am so happy to hear your sleep is better.   Getting a good night's sleep on alternate nights is not bad at all for us insomniacs.    

Best to you.

G.

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JackieDecides
17 minutes ago, Gracee said:

Getting a good night's sleep on alternate nights is not bad at all for us insomniacs.    

 

one way I get through the night and the next day is telling myself I'll sleep great the following night. and I do, usually.

 

thank you, Gracee

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Carmie
15 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

 

whew, it sure is.  

 

I was wildly anxious yesterday and it's at least partly my fault: after only sleeping 3 hours I had real coffee which felt and tasted great but then I stressed like crazy all day. 

today will be much better: I slept all night long and now I'm waking up with herbal tea. 

 

self care, DO IT!  😋

 

So glad you got a good night’s sleep Jackie🛌😴😴😴💚

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