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Happy2Heal

Happy2Heal my Victory statement

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JanCarol

Hey H2H!

 

Congratulations on your Victory!  

 

15 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

For instance, you can eat poorly for most of your life, but still turn that around by eating better in your later years (I'm so relieved to know that LOL)

 

I'm relieved to know that, too!

 

11 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

I was so confused, found it so hard to believe that the drs were not the gods they put themselves out there to be. It was hard giving up all my crutches and excuses and rationalizations and just getting on with the work I had to do.

 

Yep!  I think the one that so many struggle with is the "work I had to do."  (after we recover from the "drs are not the gods they put themselves out there to be" part....)

 

The pills are given to us as "fixes" - and we're told we cannot be "fixed" we can only be "managed."

 

Well - guess what?  We can manage ourselves!  And as for the drugs, they have no idea how damaging they are.  Still convinced that they are "best protocol" blah blah.

 

Today I have a friend who is being told by her GP to go to hospital...she is afraid of sectioning and ECT...

 

You've come a long way, Baby!

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GirlfromD
On 11/4/2018 at 2:32 PM, Happy2Heal said:

 

 

hi GirlfromD,

thank you so much!

 

hmm when did I first notice that I was functioning better- well, it really was a gradual process.

All of my symptoms improved slowly over time, I don't recall any that just suddenly went away.

 

the thing that bothered me the most, the trouble sleeping, that took the longest to get better and on an "off" day can still be  an issue, but NOTHING like in the past or during acute wd

 

I'd say that about I was over the worst of the symptoms about a year after re instating my lexapro.

the following year, I felt like I was totally healed but learned, as time went by, that there was more healing happening, because things would improve, when I didn't even notice they'd been a problem!
 

it was a nice surprise

 

so I hesitate to say that I'm totally healed, because I don't know- maybe I still have minor symptoms I wont' realize I had, til they are gone.


If you read thru my thread, esp for the past year, you'll see, that happened a lot.

 

how are you doing, GirlfromD?

Thank you very much H2H 😊 

 

I have also struggled a lot with insomnia, and still struggle with it, although it's definitely better now.

 

I still have the waves and windows pattern and many symptoms, even though they are bearable now and less intense, which is a relief.

Things are still tough here, but I still have hopes that one day i'll heal too. Wishing you all the best, and a happy future.   

 

Gfd

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Happy2Heal

I am sorry things are still tough for your GirlfromD

 

From your signature, it seems you were on a very high dose of mirtazapine, and you were given sertraline at the same time? wow

 

then did a rapid taper in just a6 mos.

so yeh, that may be why you're still having symptoms, but you were not on these drugs for very long so I imagine- I hope! that you will finish healing soon.

 

it's interesting to see how the symptom patterns vary from person to person and also from one drug to another. but there is still a lot of overlap.

 

 

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Leo1983

@Happy2Heal

 

Can i ask are you still on medication??

 

From reading you speak of feeling healed 1 year after you reinstated. And then a year after even better. 

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Happy2Heal
On 11/5/2018 at 1:25 AM, JanCarol said:

Hey H2H!

 

Congratulations on your Victory!  

 

 

I'm relieved to know that, too!

 

 

Yep!  I think the one that so many struggle with is the "work I had to do."  (after we recover from the "drs are not the gods they put themselves out there to be" part....)

 

The pills are given to us as "fixes" - and we're told we cannot be "fixed" we can only be "managed."

 

Well - guess what?  We can manage ourselves!  And as for the drugs, they have no idea how damaging they are.  Still convinced that they are "best protocol" blah blah.

 

Today I have a friend who is being told by her GP to go to hospital...she is afraid of sectioning and ECT...

 

You've come a long way, Baby!

thanks so much JC

 

yeh, there was so much to learn, and still more to learn, I"m sure.

 

It was such a shock realizing that what had been drilled into my head for so many years was flat out wrong.
But so much freedom comes with knowing that you can handle your own emotions and you can challenge your faulty beliefs and change self defeating attitudes

 

we have so much more power over our lives than I ever realized. 

 

most of the issues I"m running into now, is with the things I have no control over. I guess that's where acceptance comes in, but I'm not so quick to think that a situation is beyond being helped, at least in some way or to some degree, by something I can do

(case in point, there's issues with the Sr Center where I spent a lot of time during the worst of my recovery. I knew I wouldn't be an effective advocate for the members while i was healing and so "all over the place" but now I am getting the strength and mental clarity back... Now I can tackle that job. it's still "fighting City Hall" and you know the saying, You can do that LOL but we're going to try. I"m going to do my best, at least!)

 

yep I"ve come a long way! you've come a long way too! how goes it these days?
I"ve been so busy I"ve not had time to keep up with people here, I hope things are only getting better for you.

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Happy2Heal
5 hours ago, Leo1983 said:

@Happy2Heal

 

Can i ask are you still on medication??

 

From reading you speak of feeling healed 1 year after you reinstated. And then a year after even better. 

 

 

Hi Leo

I am not on ANY medication now.

I took the last tiny dose of lexapro in late Oct 2017

 

I have been completely drug free for just over a year now

 

getting off the lexapro was hard.

I started on it in 2002


My dose went very high for awhile. I felt worse,  so I lowered the dose.

I even tried to just stop taking it several times (I lost track of how many times I did this)

 

I did not know about withdrawal and tapering. All the doctors said I could just stop and I'd be fine. If I had any problems, they said It was a new illness or the old illness coming back

 

They symptoms of withdrawal and the idea that I had a serious illness that needed to be "drugged away" scared me into going back in the drug each time


Finally I was so tired of being sick and tired, and I just knew somehow, that it had to be the lexapro, so I was determined to get off it

 

but again, I went too fast and had problems with strange and horrible symptoms again.
FINALLY I did a google search about getting off of a drug that my dr wanted me to take for the severe insomnia I had when I was going off the lexapro, and I Found this forum

and learned about tapering

 

still, I didn't fully believe that I needed to taper as slowly as I was advised to, and I ignored the warnings and stopped taking the lexapro when I was down to 2.5mgs 

 

that was in May of 2016

by August, I was feeling pretty awful, by October I was in acute severe withdrawal with over 40 severe symptoms

 

at that point, I decided to reinstate a tiny dose of liquid lexapro. I don't recall the exact dose but it was TINY.

 

I then took a full year to taper off that tiny dose. 

 

 

I have continued to heal even more since being off the drug for just over a year now. My sleep is still improving and the tiny waves of mild symptoms that I have from time to time, are happening less often

 

I feel like I am very close to 100% healed.

 

For me, each day I felt better than the day before. I understand it 's not like this for everyone

I was very lucky


but also, every day I was LOOKING for the improvements, I was looking for what was better, even if it was a tiny change

 

that really helped me a lot and gave me the most hope

 

I hope this helps you

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JanCarol

Hi H2H!

 

2 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

(case in point, there's issues with the Sr Center where I spent a lot of time during the worst of my recovery. I knew I wouldn't be an effective advocate for the members while i was healing and so "all over the place" but now I am getting the strength and mental clarity back... Now I can tackle that job. it's still "fighting City Hall" and you know the saying, You can do that LOL but we're going to try. I"m going to do my best, at least!)

 

 

I decided to teach City Hall some tai chi!

 

That's how I've gone with that battle...if I make a spreading warm friendly tai chi bubble (it's still small, but - even the practice of one makes a small peaceful place) - perhaps the peace of that can benefit my world, environment, neighbors.

 

I have one teacher who told me:  you can only pick up the beer cans that are on your path.  You can't get them all, but you do have power with the ones on your path.

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Happy2Heal

thanks eric!!


:)

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bluepm

Great job  that's  all i can say ? 

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Happy2Heal
4 hours ago, bluepm said:

Great job  that's  all i can say ? 

 

thank you

 

it was more of a 'great wait' than a great job

 

the job part, the work, is finding ways to deal with the symptoms while you wait for your brain to do the work of healing

 

I learned a lot along the way so it wasn't all bad

 

but I sure would have preferred an easier way to learn those lessons :P

 

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Happy2Heal

I'm getting a lot of private messages from folks who are dealing with a lot of anxiety and want reassurance

 

I'd like to ask that you post here instead of sending a PM because your questions and my replies will likely be helpful to others

 

also I dont' have as much time as I'd like to respond to all these messages but I do know how important it is for you to have the answers you want.

 

to make it easier for all of us, please post your questions here from now on, ok?

 

for those of you suffering with anxiety, I found this that was a HUGE help to me when I was dealing with that awful fear and anxiety

 

I would listen to it over and over and over again. It helped

 

 

oh dear I can't figure out how to share it, it's an mp3 file

it's free, I got it thru this link, let me know if this works:

 

https://get.dpdcart.com/cart/deliver?purchase_id=12623283&salt=d002e74407a890e497331ae521949a873f71bb20

 

I still cry each time I hear it, even now! it brought me so much relief

 

very comforting, give it a listen if you can

 

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Peachy

@Happy2Heal

Congrats on your success! so happy for you  How long from the beginning of your taper to now did it take to heal? 

I have been on Lexapro at 20m for 15 yrs. I'm down to 5mg and I'm having a horrible time. 

 

I'm having the worst time with mental issues. Did you have any dark/nasty, negative intrusive thoughts and urges, OCD, irrational anger an irritation, and depressive episodes? I'm having a hard time expressing or wanting to be loved, and I'm constantly agitated mentally and physically. Even the sound of loved ones voices agitates me. I feel like I can't stand them, when they are doing nothing wrong, and that is not my normal state or feelings. I'm a super cuddly person by nature!

 

Did you have this during your taper as well? I have had it since the beginning, but it's been getting worse in some ways, better in others. The symptoms have changed throughout the taper, with some staying the same.

 

I'm worried bc I'm not even off the medication yet, and I'm having really bad symptoms. 

I'm especially interested in your story bc your a female, who has been on the same drugs at high doses for a long time. 

 

Thanks in advance for your help!!!

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Happy2Heal
On 11/12/2018 at 4:42 PM, Peachy said:

@Happy2Heal

Congrats on your success! so happy for you  How long from the beginning of your taper to now did it take to heal? 

I have been on Lexapro at 20m for 15 yrs. I'm down to 5mg and I'm having a horrible time. 

I'm afraid the answer to this question won't help you much since we are all very different

I did not taper properly, as well, so that complicates the picture.

From the time I first started to taper, and then jumped off at 2.5 mgs (FOOLISHLY!!) and then had to reinstated several months later, hmmmm- it was June of 2015 when I did a rapid taper and continued to go down from there. So almost 3 yrs I guess. 

It should have taken much longer, I went too fast and suffered terribly from making that mistake!!

 

be esp careful with the lower doses of lexapro, it is a super strong drug and you'll really feel each drop at the lower doses, moreso than the higher ones.

On 11/12/2018 at 4:42 PM, Peachy said:

 

I'm having the worst time with mental issues. Did you have any dark/nasty, negative intrusive thoughts and urges, OCD, irrational anger an irritation, and depressive episodes? I'm having a hard time expressing or wanting to be loved, and I'm constantly agitated mentally and physically. Even the sound of loved ones voices agitates me. I feel like I can't stand them, when they are doing nothing wrong, and that is not my normal state or feelings. I'm a super cuddly person by nature!

yes I had all of those symptoms and many many more- over 40 severe symptoms at one point.

 

On 11/12/2018 at 4:42 PM, Peachy said:

 

Did you have this during your taper as well? I have had it since the beginning, but it's been getting worse in some ways, better in others. The symptoms have changed throughout the taper, with some staying the same. 

I think this is the case for a lot of us, but it's also individual too.  Some ppl have the same symptoms but in a different order, or a different combination. YOu really can't go by someone else's journey what your's is going to be like. That's why acceptance is such a big part of the process. 

 

On 11/12/2018 at 4:42 PM, Peachy said:

I'm worried bc I'm not even off the medication yet, and I'm having really bad symptoms. 

I'm especially interested in your story bc your a female, who has been on the same drugs at high doses for a long time. 

 

Thanks in advance for your help!!!

 

Don't worry, you can somewhat manage how bad the symptoms are by going SUPER SLOW! if you read other stories, and I encourage you to do that, esp the success stories and those of members who are doing a careful and SLOW taper, you'll see that, in general, those going the slowest and paying attention to what their body tells them is the right rate for THEM, 

those folks are having the easiest time. Still not a walk in the park, but you can keep the symptoms manageable a lot of the time by going slowly and keeping things steady and simple- PRobably the best advice you'll ever be given about this process.

You are very wise to go as slowly as you are.

;)

 

 

I am a lot older than you, so I do have an advantage, I think- I don't have the hormonal issues that I had before menopause.

I've got  some stuff that goes with menopause but nothing big

I had a lot of trouble with pms and the like when I was younger and previous attempts to go off the lexapro were a lot rougher due to those hormones still being an issue. 
 

 

 

 

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Peachy
1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

yes I had all of those symptoms and many many more- over 40 severe symptoms at one point.

Hi H2H,

thanks for your response! I have had many many more symptoms, thats just what is plaguing me lately. Did you have any of these daily for an extended period of time? That is what is concerning me....

I'm scared bc I am already 2.5 yrs into the process and it's only slightly easier in some ways, not in others. 

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Peachy
2 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

Don't worry, you can somewhat manage how bad the symptoms are by going SUPER SLOW! if you read other stories, and I encourage you to do that, esp the success stories and those of members who are doing a careful and SLOW taper, you'll see that, in general, those going the slowest and paying attention to what their body tells them is the right rate for THEM, 

those folks are having the easiest time.

that is also what concerns me about my particular case. Bc I have gone so slowly, I don't think it's a good sign that I'm having such bad mental symptoms???

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Happy2Heal
1 minute ago, Peachy said:

that is also what concerns me about my particular case. Bc I have gone so slowly, I don't think it's a good sign that I'm having such bad mental symptoms???

 

 

yes Peachy, I had those symptoms all day, every day for a long time BUT you're missing one important point: I did not taper properly.

I got down to 2.5 mgs VERY fast, in just a few months.
I planned to hold at 2.5mg for a long time to let things settle. But I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I was really in withdrawal, after being brainwashed for so long by Drs who all said there was no such thing.

Plus : 2.5mgs, seems like a TINY amnt, right?

so I went from 2.5mg to ZERO in late May and by sometime in Aug, was having serious troubles and by Oct was in severe distress.

 

so you're basically wasting your time, trying to compare your journey to mine. I did NOT taper slowly. I did not take a long time

I did nearly everything WRONG

 

but I still healed.

 

You can't be looking for bad signs of impending trouble.

all you can do is plan to go very slowly as you are

 

 

if you see you're having more trouble, what do you need to do?

 

answer: go EVEN SLOWER

 

it's the only way to calm down the symptoms and let your brain have time to heal

 

the only thing my story is good for, possibly, is to show that even if you mess up,  and go too fast, you will still heal- EVENTUALLY.

you will cause yourself much unnecessary suffering, as I did myself

 

also, I have a very long "drug history"= over 40yrs on and off many many drugs. 
I have healed from ALL of them

 

so that should give people hope. even though we are all different and no one can predict what your recovery journey will look like, 

even some of the "worst cases" get better and come out the other side , happy, whole and HEALED

 

how about instead of worrying about what might happen, you focus on doing things to ease the symptoms that you do have?

that will be much more productive for you, I think.

 

don't worry, though, all of your questions and your need for reassurance is also a VERY common symptom of WD recovery

I had it too, so I'm trying to be as gentle as I can be, but honestly, you wont' be able to learn anything about YOUR recovery by comparing it to mine

 

You might want to read about someone who went a lot slower and also about those who are taking an extended hold period, I know of at least one other member who had to stop her taper, I'll try find her thread later on.

 

read about how ppl decide when to stop tapering and hold at their current dose, and see if that maybe fits with where you are now.

if your symptoms are very distressing, consider taking a break from tapering.

 

there's no rush.

and worrying about what *might* happen just steals energy away from today, it takes the energy you need to deal with today's problems and for something that probably wont happen at all, you know? ;) why wear yourself out like that?

 

 

are you living alone? do you have any kids or pets?

I have 4 pet rats and 2 adorable gerbils. The gerbils are giving me sad looks, they want to come out to play!

 

 

 

 

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Hopetobefree

Hi H2H,

 

I just want to say thank you so much for coming back to reassure us all going through this unimaginable pain and suffering that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I tapered way too fast from the 30mg Lexapro that i was on and going though so much mental torment still at 9 months off. I havnt had a window where all symptoms have lifted since about April which lasted maybe 30 mins at the most. The most troubling symptoms for me are the fear which is with me 24/7 restricting from doing so much, horrible intrusive thoughts, anxiety, lack of enjoyment, depressive periods, limited energy and more. I pray to god that one day i can be free from all this like you too. Thank you for recommending the MP3 panic recording ive listened to it now and really like the simple and easy way to respond when the withdrawal panic comes on. 

Kind regards,

 

Hope

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Happy2Heal

hi Hope, 

I'm sorry for all you're going thru. I went too fast too and lived to regret it- the entire year from Oct 1016  to Oct 2017 stands at the absolute worst year of my life.

but yes, I got thru it!

it does eventually end!
I am so incredibly relieved;.

I had a lot of doubts along the way but I could also see small glimmers that things were getting better, so  I held onto those good things, 

held on TIGHT

held on for dear life

and that got me thru.

 

I hope your journey to recover goes faster and that your symptoms subside soon

 

I had all the symptoms you did, and possibly others, but they gradually diminished

 

I love that mp3 for panic

I have PTSD and when I"m triggered, I will listen to it and it really helps ground me.

 

I also discovered that being in water helps me so I joined the Y and I use the pool there every chance I get

 

I hope you have lots of things to distract you from the emotional stuff. it's rough, I know

and the fear, ugh

I recall being afraid of - almost everything!

it lessened over time too.

 

I wrote notes to myself and put them up around the house, things like, it's only a thought or it's just a feeling, it can't hurt you, stuff like that

 

it helped and sometimes made me laugh.

 

laughing is good :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Happy2Heal

just wanted to let you all know I"ve got some bad pain from a spine issue and will be taking a short break from the computer, as being on it aggravates my symptoms

 

if I've sounded grumpy the past week or so, it's because I'm in a lot of pain

 

sorry!

 

be back in a bit

 

 

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jozeff

Hi h2h ,

 

 

Good luck! Hope you will recover soon!

 

 

 

Cheers

 

Jozeff

 

 

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JackieDecides
On 11/2/2018 at 5:32 PM, Happy2Heal said:

I spent over two thirds of my life believing I was mentally ill and *needed* to be on those drugs.

 

 

OMG I am so glad to find and read this thread: THANK YOU for posting it. 

 

one of the things I feel bad about is talking about any suffering I am going through when others are in worse shape, acute WD, but I am into the long term recovery and need hope. reading your thread makes me VERY hopeful. I feel like DECADES of my life were wasted because of taking drugs I was told would help and that I needed as they were gradually making me worse and worse! and I have not found and currently do not have a doctor who believes me when I tell them this. they respond with "you just weren't on the right drug" !!!

 

I'm sorry to hear about your pain and I hope you can figure out a way to still use your computer but not make your back worse. I just "met" you so I'll hold off with trying to help with suggestions for ergonomics, etc (I do therapy for a living) because you likely already know about that stuff.

 

feel better and, honest to god, thank your for this thread. 

 

 

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Happy2Heal
6 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

 

OMG I am so glad to find and read this thread: THANK YOU for posting it. 

you're welcome :)

 

6 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

 

one of the things I feel bad about is talking about any suffering I am going through when others are in worse shape, acute WD, but I am into the long term recovery and need hope. reading your thread makes me VERY hopeful. I feel like DECADES of my life were wasted because of taking drugs I was told would help and that I needed as they were gradually making me worse and worse! and I have not found and currently do not have a doctor who believes me when I tell them this. they respond with "you just weren't on the right drug" !!!

oh yeh I heard that a lot, wrong drug, or when they changed my diagnosis, their reason was that they were improving their methods of diagnosing. I had a laundry list of dx to go with the many diff drugs they kept forcing on me :(

 

6 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

I'm sorry to hear about your pain and I hope you can figure out a way to still use your computer but not make your back worse. I just "met" you so I'll hold off with trying to help with suggestions for ergonomics, etc (I do therapy for a living) because you likely already know about that stuff.

actually I don't know anything about ergonomics and could use some advice!  The drs always want to do surgery or some other intervention. I cancelled the appt for tomorrow due to an incoming storm but I'd love to be able to solve the problem  without having to see a dr. I am so angry at drs in general, my blood pressure goes up just thinking about having to see on and deal with the BS 

6 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

 

feel better and, honest to god, thank your for this thread. 

 

 

you're very welcome


I know how much I appreciated the success stories when I was in the thick of things, So I try to keep this thread up as best I can

I did some stretches earlier and tried a different pillow last night, and my neck pain is not quite as bad today, thankfully so i'm checking email and messages 

 

;)

 

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JackieDecides
4 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

actually I don't know anything about ergonomics and could use some advice! 

 

here is some very basic advice for sitting  but some of the best advice is never stay in one position too long. "sitting is the new smoking" - is why

suddenly they are selling a lot of desks where you stand to use them.

whatever you do, frequent moving/stretching is important.

 

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JackieDecides
16 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

I am so angry at drs in general, my blood pressure goes up just thinking about having to see on and deal with the BS 

this is so true and really sad!

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Happy2Heal
On 11/15/2018 at 7:36 AM, JackieDecides said:

 

here is some very basic advice for sitting  but some of the best advice is never stay in one position too long. "sitting is the new smoking" - is why

suddenly they are selling a lot of desks where you stand to use them.

whatever you do, frequent moving/stretching is important.

 

THANKS!

I need to remember this. I do tend to stay in one place too long. Going to set a timer to remind me to get up and MOVE

 

 

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Happy2Heal

Reading a book called Lost Connections by Johann Hari

 

subtitle: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression and the unexpected solutions

 

(He also wrote "Chasing the Scream"  - haven't read that yet, and did a Ted talk about addiction, I need to see that too)

 

I"m only about 40 pages into the book but like it so far. The author was prescribed Paxil as a teenager and was on it for 13-14yrs

 

he chronicles in detail how he felt on it as well as his BELIEFS about the the chemical imbalance myth, and his belief that the drug was a miracle cure for him,  in spite of how ineffective the drug was (as his therapist kept pointing out) and how he slowly came to realize that there were questions neither he nor his prescribing drs ever asked. Things that were never done.

I'm very interested to see how the book unfolds.

 

 

 

 

 

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Happy2Heal

tried to  put just a link to the Ted talk, didn't work

will try later

 

 

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gentlehermione
3 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

Reading a book called Lost Connections by Johann Hari

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I read this book recently in a couple of days - just couldn't put it down! Some of Hari's theories make good sense.

 

Enjoy 😀

 

Btw congrats on your victory!

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Happy2Heal
3 hours ago, gentlehermione said:

 

I read this book recently in a couple of days - just couldn't put it down! Some of Hari's theories make good sense.

 

Enjoy 😀

 

Btw congrats on your victory!

 

thank you gentlehemione

 

Just curious, did the book offer any solutions to the problems of disconnection?

I find I am still sensitive to things I read or even hear, and if it's all about the problem without any suggestions for making things better, than it's something I probably should put aside for now.

I have moments, even days, when I feel a little fragile and want to avoid anything with a negative tone, you know? (like the news!!)

 

the book isn't organized in such a way that skipping ahead might reveal suggestions/solutions and I"m afraid I'm going to get to the end of it feeling depressed and possibly hopeless about the problems of society. 😕

 

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PH1

I happen to be reading Lost Connections too right now.   I'll give my thoughts after I finish but I'm finding it rather insightful so far.   

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JackieDecides
23 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

I need to remember this. I do tend to stay in one place too long. Going to set a timer to remind me to get up and MOVE

 

setting a timer is an excellent idea, you should  do this and then come back and post about if/how it's working. 

 

15 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

Just curious, did the book offer any solutions to the problems of disconnection?

I find I am still sensitive to things I read or even hear, and if it's all about the problem without any suggestions for making things better, than it's something I probably should put aside for now.

I have moments, even days, when I feel a little fragile and want to avoid anything with a negative tone, you know? (like the news!!)

 

I read and enjoyed the book and now I  can't remember if it had a lot of solutions - seems to me it did have some, at least. I read a lot of non-fiction/self help books they start to blend together when I try to remember which was which.  - finish the book and tell us!

 

and then if you need something that is (more?) uplifting try A Mind of Your Own or The Nature Fix. I wonder if there is already a thread about "uplifting" books...? 

 

also Spontaneous Happiness, which really should be called Lifestyle Choices for managing depression and anxiety, but I guess that doesn't grab you and make you buy it. I was very inspired because Dr. Andrew Weil had major depression when young and then long periods of dysthymia, which is what I have had. 

 

and I TOTALLY avoid the news! used to watch it every day, telling myself I need to get the weather at least but I find the less I watch the better I feel! I also got off facebook for some of the same reasons. 

Edited by JackieDecides
make writing less bad! add stuff!

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WarriorWomanLV

Hi Happy2Heal!! Congratulations and thank you so much for coming back and telling us about your VICTORY! It's stories like yours that i hold onto when I'm having a hard time with withdrawals. I have also reinstated to a tiny dose of .30mg Lexapro like what you did. I believe it has helped cushion my withdrawals and I plan on tapering for a year. I'm just waiting to stabilize even further. Can I ask a few questions on how you did your taper of the .30mg? Did you do the 10% reduction every 3-4 weeks or 5% reduction every X weeks? Also, how did you feel during the taper (does it get better as the dose gets tinier) and how were the months after last dose ? I'm guess i'm scared of experiencing another crash even after a slow taper.  Thank you so much, and once again, congratulations on being AD free! And it's more than just being antidepressant-free, i believe it's the skill it has forced us all to learn on how to cope with anxiety/depression/stress. You are now a stronger version of you! 

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Happy2Heal
17 hours ago, WarriorWomanLV said:

I have also reinstated to a tiny dose of .30mg Lexapro like what you did. I believe it has helped cushion my withdrawals and I plan on tapering for a year. I'm just waiting to stabilize even further. Can I ask a few questions on how you did your taper of the .30mg? Did you do the 10% reduction every 3-4 weeks or 5% reduction every X weeks? Also, how did you feel during the taper (does it get better as the dose gets tinier) and how were the months after last dose ? I'm guess i'm scared of experiencing another crash even after a slow taper. 

 

hi WarriorWoman

thanks for your kind words.

 

I'll tell you what I did, but please keep in mind that we are all different. You could do the exact same thing and have very different results. There's no way to know.

I tapered off the 0.3 using a 10% reduction every 4 weeks, give or take. I think there were times when I may have gone a wee bit faster or slower, but I don't have those records anymore. 

I'm guessing I must have gone a bit faster than recommended, since I was off in 12 mos. and I think the chart I used to use had me getting off completely in ~15 mos and not 12. 

I took my last tiny dose, literally just a drop, in late Oct 2017

 

my path has been fairly linear, although you will see it mentioned over and over here  on the forum that healing is not linear. I just gotta be different, I guess LOL

as time went on,  all of my symptoms slowly lessened in intensity, duration and frequency.

 

but they were quite severe in Oct 2016, so I'd have to say the entire year I was tapering was really awful. 
I might have saved myself some of that distress *if* I'd not messed up and gone off CT at 2.5mgs or if I'd reinstated at a slightly higher dose, or.......... I don't know what. It doesn't matter, I did what I did, and I got thru it.

but it was rough.

The year from my last dose was much better, I felt like I'd healed completely but I see now that there was more healing to be done. I'd have symptoms so mild I wasn't even aware of them, until they were GONE and then I could see/feel the difference

 

so even now that I say I"m 99% healed, I can't say for sure that's true, because I could still have such mild symptoms that I don't notice them.

but I feel pretty close to normal, whatever that is, hahaha

 

 

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Rosetta

It's lovely to see you feel back to yourself, Happy.  Thank you for writing here and on your introduction thread about how well you have recovered.  It's good for all of us to see that we will heal.  I'm so happy for you!! -Rosetta

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