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Happy2Heal

Happy2Heal my Victory statement

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Happy2Heal
23 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

have had a relaxing day. My mother came to visit for a half hour and i walked the dogs. I have just ate some takeaway food which was ok however im fussy lol. 

 

Im watching xfactor and lost my bet who would win

 

hahaha, oh well, did you put any money on that bet?

 

it's great you can have a relaxing day, so nice to spend time with your mom and walk the dogs too.

animals are wonderful stress relievers (sometimes, anyway LOL)

 

 

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Leo1983

My time spent as an addictions nurse taught me not to gamble. 

 

It was a verbal bet.

 

Aww yes - some mornings i want to lock the outside. They can be hard work. 

 

I did nothing much. I could bot sleep today... i miss a power nap. 

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Happy2Heal

regarding that 1%- it seems like I just went thru a bit of a wave.

very mild, but def not pleasant

but I'm ok now

 

if I had done a proper taper, I'd actually still be on lexapro now, at a dose of 0.16 I believe, so considering that, I'm doing pretty darn well I'd say

 

so, I guess that was my 13 1/2 month post zero wave.....? LOL 

I had the 10 month wave, are there others?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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JackieDecides

I'm glad you feel better; how long did it last? I feel like I've been in a wave for, I don't know, a week? 10 days?

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Happy2Heal
12 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

I'm glad you feel better; how long did it last? I feel like I've been in a wave for, I don't know, a week? 10 days?

 

aw sorry to hear that. 

I'm not sure how long the wave was, because I didn't see it as one til it suddenly ended and for no apparent reason, I felt 1000 times better

 

that's when I think it's gotta be WD/recovery related, when the change is sudden and dramatic like that

 

if I had to guess, I'd say it was about 10 days to 2 weeks long....?

 

If I had tapered the way you're supposed to, 10% of current dose, I would have been at zero around the middle of 2019, I think (I should write the date down, so I don't keep forgetting)

 

so in my mind, the fact that I'm doing so well this "early" is a major bonus

and the fact that I may still have waves is to be expected, really and something I shouldn't worry about nor freak out about

 

I also had tried to get off this med, the lexapro, many times!!  I was off once for 7 mos, but I'd gone off CT and was so miserable I went back on it. And felt immediately better.

funny thing is, each time I got to a lower dose and then had the symptoms relieved by reinstating, it just reinforced the idea that I "needed" the drug and wouldn't do well without it.  that I had a biologically based or chemically based "illness" that was being "corrected" by this drug, these chemicals

 

now I know the truth: the drug caused a  chemical imbalance in my brain and now my brain is trying to get back to it's "factory settings"  

 

this is the first time in my journey that I can say that healing is no longer linear.

I have very long, super good windows with the rare wave (so far since getting to zero, this is the second one, the first one was at 10 mos off)

 

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WarriorWomanLV

Happy, what did your recent wave look like? What were the symptoms? I hope you feel better by now. 

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JackieDecides

Happy, it's so wonderful to read your posts as  I am always enormously encouraged. 😍

can you tell us more about what it means when healing is non-linear? 

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JackieDecides
Quote

I'm not sure how long the wave was, because I didn't see it as one til it suddenly ended and for no apparent reason, I felt 1000 times better

 

this is my experience, too, don't know I am in a wave at the beginning of it.

 

I think one is receding for me just lately, and it's "going away" is more obvious. 

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Happy2Heal
4 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

Happy, it's so wonderful to read your posts as  I am always enormously encouraged. 😍

can you tell us more about what it means when healing is non-linear? 

 

on the forum it's usually said that healing is non linear, meaning that you get better and then you have symptoms that seem to put you behind, sort of like one step forward, two steps back, I guess?

 

it's up and down.

my symptoms over the course of the past few years *were* actually linear,  in contrast to what most say is the pattern.

I did get better and better, very slowly mind you, but I never went backwards.
 

Now I'm feeling mostly healed but I have had the non linear pattern of symptoms that were from a long time ago, symptoms I"ve not had in a long time.

 

does that explain it ?

 

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Happy2Heal
3 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

 

this is my experience, too, don't know I am in a wave at the beginning of it.

 

I think one is receding for me just lately, and it's "going away" is more obvious. 

 

yes when this wave hit, I didn't know it was a wave- I just thought I was having a couple of bad days.

the symptoms were mostly cortisol spikes around 5 am and some anxiety and odd fears, that come out of no where...

no physical issues, it was mostly just feeling bad and having odd thoughts that were disturbing

 

I did the wrong thing, I tried to deny these feelings and thoughts and run away from them, and that of course didn't help

I kept thinking, I'm OFF the drug, it's been over a YEAR since I took any at all, this should not be happening

 

but I had to accept that I was having symptoms and that they were very much like WD recovery symptoms and when I did that,

I felt a rush of relief

I was like, ok, WD symptoms? been there, done that! I can handle this, it won't last long, and then I'll feel better

 

shortly after acknowledging and accepting the wave, it abated.

 

it's weird that it goes that way for me.


I get stuck in this expectation that things are primarily really good now and so I don't expect anything that's "not good" LOL

when something not good comes along, it doesn't fit into the picture I have in my head of how my life is supposed to be now

so i kinda reject it, I guess

 

I'm kind of a mess when it comes to accepting reality sometimes I guess you'd say LOL

 

how have you been going?

 

good I Hope!!

 

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Happy2Heal
5 hours ago, WarriorWomanLV said:

Happy, what did your recent wave look like? What were the symptoms? I hope you feel better by now. 

hi WW
i just posted above with the symptoms

 

I am feeling better now, thanks

:)

 

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JackieDecides
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I'm kind of a mess when it comes to accepting reality sometimes 

me, too! and I totally understand your non-linear explanation.

 

I think AD are the ultimate in covering up/running from feelings - if nothing else, they train us not to care about the bad ones. instead of facing them or just feeling them.

 

whatever healthy people do.  but then, that's us - healthy people, on the road to even more healthy. 

 

good for you for accepting the wave. ❤️

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