Happy2Heal my Victory statement

[JackieDecides]

13 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

I do feel a certain new level of... I don't know what it is, confidence? knowing that after what I've been thru the past couple of years, I can handle most anything that comes my way;  I think that's what it is?

 

 

I sure hope so, even getting this far without a problem is really good news. 😍

[Happy2Heal]

10 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

 

I sure hope so, even getting this far without a problem is really good news. 😍

thanks Jackie

 

how are you doing?

[JackieDecides]

thanks for asking, very rough week but I am getting through it. 

 

hugs to you!!

Jackie

[manymoretodays]

Just a Bravo Victorious H2H!

Happy to heal along with you.  Love your upbeat and positive!  You wont jinx it by giving the positive updates.

Snow day here after some Springlike weather.

Spring is stressing me(not too bad though).  "I should"(rather would like to be) be reading my plants and garden books. 

Are you de stressfully moving at the end of the month then? 

Impressive.  I'm sad about your no more rat fostering, and happy about your working important family relationships.

I have a new really big, bluejay or bluebird of some type friend.

mmt

And oh my.......your clearance and sale activities!  We're all drooling with envy.

Edited March 13, 2019 by manymoretodays

[Happy2Heal]

thank you mmt!
 

oooh a blue bird friend, how nice!

I hope spring comes soon for you (and for us all! well except the folks on the other side of the earth who are heading into fall, that is lol)

 

I'm still doing ok, I did have some issues with anxiety over the weekend... I was getting really high quotes for the move but I FINALLY just told myself- Look, so it's gonna cost more than you thought, it's gonna be harder than you thought but it's still do-able and it's gonna get done

I tried re framing it, and got some good advice from friends who reminded me to keep my "eyes on the prize"-  the new apt where I'm going to be so much happier.

it's worth it, even if I end up in debt for longer than I'd thought I'd be.

it's all going to work out, no sense stressing about it!

 

 I have learned that I am still sensitive to stress, but the stress was really caused by my own thoughts....

and I've got tools to work on those. I just gotta remember to use them!!

in the next few weeks, I'll be reminding myself to do yoga more and meditate, stay away from negativity, including any negative thoughts that are self generated, etc

 

it's all going to be fine. :)

 

 

 

 

[Priscilla]

would you day that exercise aided in your recovery in any way?

 

[Happy2Heal]

40 minutes ago, Priscilla said:

would you day that exercise aided in your recovery in any way?

 

 

 

very little, if at all.

in acute WD/recovery, it did help my anxiety level somewhat to get in a 20 to 30 min walk each day, but even now, aerobic exercise can cause a sleepless night.

 

I'm gradually working up on the aerobic stuff, making sure my heart rate stays in the low range of target, and right now I'm up to only 5 mins. And that has to be done before noon

 

so, basically, taking it easy but keeping moving, has helped but for me, personally, things like gentle yoga and stretching have been much more beneficial

 

I think maybe I should mention, I don't drive, so there's a certain amnt of exercise built into my life since I typically walk places. And I live on the 3rd floor, so overall, I'm in very good shape aerobically anyway. I just can't yet tolerate any intense exercise

 

I love going to the Y and floating around there, but again I don't do anything intense, I don't really know how to swim but will do a modified doggy paddle sometimes but not for long

Remember, everyone is different. I've read stories here where folks said that exercise helped them a quite a bit

 

Diet has probably helped to help heal me, however.  the better I eat, the better I feel, that's for sure.

 

[RandyJames]

@Happy2HealAfter 43 years of this and you managed to beat it!  Congratulations to you!  You are inspirational!

[noearthlyfamily]

On 3/18/2019 at 8:29 PM, Happy2Heal said:

 

 

very little, if at all.

in acute WD/recovery, it did help my anxiety level somewhat to get in a 20 to 30 min walk each day, but even now, aerobic exercise can cause a sleepless night.

 

I'm gradually working up on the aerobic stuff, making sure my heart rate stays in the low range of target, and right now I'm up to only 5 mins. And that has to be done before noon

 

so, basically, taking it easy but keeping moving, has helped but for me, personally, things like gentle yoga and stretching have been much more beneficial

 

I think maybe I should mention, I don't drive, so there's a certain amnt of exercise built into my life since I typically walk places. And I live on the 3rd floor, so overall, I'm in very good shape aerobically anyway. I just can't yet tolerate any intense exercise

 

I love going to the Y and floating around there, but again I don't do anything intense, I don't really know how to swim but will do a modified doggy paddle sometimes but not for long

Remember, everyone is different. I've read stories here where folks said that exercise helped them a quite a bit

 

Diet has probably helped to help heal me, however.  the better I eat, the better I feel, that's for sure.

 

 

how many meds did you taper at one time simultaneously?  how many years from beginning to taper until completely off all the meds did it take you ?

 

thank you so much!

[Happy2Heal]

On 3/22/2019 at 5:24 PM, noearthlyfamily said:

 

how many meds did you taper at one time simultaneously?  how many years from beginning to taper until completely off all the meds did it take you ?

 

thank you so much!

hi

in the past, I never tapered off any of these drugs, I either stopped cold turkey or was switched to a different drug or several different drugs. None of this was my choice, in some cases I was forcefully medicated, in most cases I just followed the drs advice which NEVER included any kind of tapering. Drugs were just started and stopped suddenly, with lamictal being the only exception due to the risk of some rare but serious rash.

 

 

I was only taking lexapro and the occasional klonopin when I finally decided to get off the lexapro

I did a too fast taper off of that, before finding this forum and learning about withdrawal

 

then, even after finding out I should go very slowly, I went too fast and jumped off at 2.5mgs, believing that it was a tiny amount. That was a mistake, as you can see from my signature.

 

I had to reinstate the lexapro at a much smaller dose a few months later and then tapered down from there, which took about a year.

 

let's see I started the too fast taper in June of 2016 and was totally off the lexapro by Oct 2017

that was, if you check the dose calculator, WAY too fast. I do not recommend that anyone do this, it was awful.

I strongly urge ppl to do the opposite, use me as a "bad example" as it were, and go VERY slowly.

 

 

 

[noearthlyfamily]

2 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

hi

in the past, I never tapered off any of these drugs, I either stopped cold turkey or was switched to a different drug or several different drugs. None of this was my choice, in some cases I was forcefully medicated, in most cases I just followed the drs advice which NEVER included any kind of tapering. Drugs were just started and stopped suddenly, with lamictal being the only exception due to the risk of some rare but serious rash.

 

 

I was only taking lexapro and the occasional klonopin when I finally decided to get off the lexapro

I did a too fast taper off of that, before finding this forum and learning about withdrawal

 

then, even after finding out I should go very slowly, I went too fast and jumped off at 2.5mgs, believing that it was a tiny amount. That was a mistake, as you can see from my signature.

 

I had to reinstate the lexapro at a much smaller dose a few months later and then tapered down from there, which took about a year.

 

let's see I started the too fast taper in June of 2016 and was totally off the lexapro by Oct 2017

that was, if you check the dose calculator, WAY too fast. I do not recommend that anyone do this, it was awful.

I strongly urge ppl to do the opposite, use me as a "bad example" as it were, and go VERY slowly.

 

 

 

 

wow i appre3ciate your honesty!

 

so you still successfully got off the lexapro and klonopin in a year's time even without slow or microtapering. that is very interestin! 

 

and you're doing great symptoims wise! proof poisitive that one six\ze doesn't fit all. you are inspiring. ; )

[Happy2Heal]

1 hour ago, noearthlyfamily said:

wow i appre3ciate your honesty!

 

so you still successfully got off the lexapro and klonopin in a year's time even without slow or microtapering. that is very interestin! 

 

and you're doing great symptoims wise! proof poisitive that one six\ze doesn't fit all. you are inspiring. ; )

 oops there's a typo in my post, that should say that I started going off the lexapro in June 2015, not 2016, sorry I missed that mistake

 

so no, not a year's time, longer than that, but not nearly as long as it should have been

 

I used klonopin VERY seldom so I didn't feel the need to taper, I literally only took like a tiny chip off of a small tablet maybe once in every 3-4 mos. I was very afraid of benzos. I only kept the Rx for "emergencies" but as it turned out, I was so sensitized to all drugs that I couldn't tolerate even a tiny bit of klonopin and wasn't able to fall back on it for the help with the symptoms of WD. 

 

I can't stress enough how doing it this was was a HUGE mistake, I mean about the lexapro. The year of acute withdrawal symptoms, basically from Oct 2016 to Oct 2017, was THE worst year of my entire life, and I am over 60 now and have suffered all kinds of abuse, but in comparison, that year of WD was the worst thing I've ever lived thru

You sound a little bit too excited about the speed of my taper and how well I am doing now. To be frank, I almost did not survive that horrible year. I was suicidal in mid january and ended up at the ER, where I requested, and got, a powerful antipsychotic that I believed would help me sleep. It didn't really work, but it did give me a few days of hope to get me over the hump and so in that way helped me endure the rest of those terrible months.

 

please read what happens to ppl to CT off their meds, that is essentially the same sort of terrible time that I went thru. It's extremely unpleasant.

 

 

[Leo1983]

Hi not to hijack this conversation. 

 

I jumped off 20mg of Lexapro in 1 week. 

 

Its been almost 10 months and i agree with @Happy2Heal DO NOT CT. Its been hell. 

 

Cheers

 

Leo.

[JackieDecides]

9 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

he year of acute withdrawal symptoms, basically from Oct 2016 to Oct 2017, was THE worst year of my entire life, and I am over 60 now and have suffered all kinds of abuse, but in comparison, that year of WD was the worst thing I've ever lived thru

 

I'm so glad you made it through all this! 🤗  and now are willing to share your experiences and your recovery; thank you!

[Happy2Heal]

8 hours ago, Leo1983 said:

Hi not to hijack this conversation. 

 

I jumped off 20mg of Lexapro in 1 week. 

 

Its been almost 10 months and i agree with @Happy2Heal DO NOT CT. Its been hell. 

 

Cheers

 

Leo.

hi Leo

sorry you've had such a rough time,

thanks for adding your voice and experience to help others to avoid a similar fate

 

I sometimes think that's the only good thing that could come out of that experience, helping someone else to AVOID it

 

it it accomplishes that, then maybe it was worth it, but omg it was sheer hell, I know

 

how are you going now Leo?

[Leo1983]

Hey i think i might have the 10 month wave. It hit 5 days ago and it was very fast and very strong.

 

Strong anxiety.

Strong heart pounding.

Early waking.

Low mood.

Air hunger. 

Severe lethergy.

Bad headaches.

 

 

Im managing but its hard work. Its like i can almost feel my brain healing itself. If i did not have to work i wud manage even better lol. But i take each day.

 

Looking forward to withdrawal zero soon i hope with some good healing from this wave.

 

Hows you anyways? 

 

Good i hope.

 

Lee

[Happy2Heal]

On 3/24/2019 at 10:16 AM, JackieDecides said:

 

I'm so glad you made it through all this! 🤗  and now are willing to share your experiences and your recovery; thank you!

you're welcome

 

I've been very lucky- I've read a lot of the stories here and my heart goes out to the ppl who are going thru a hard time or who have had a much longer journey.

 

 

[Happy2Heal]

well crap, being recovered from withdrawal does NOT mean that no sickness will come my way-

I got an acute URI, not too bothersome but had to go to Urgent care for a strange lesion on my leg.
They tell me it's cellulitis (something I"d never heard of) Rxed an oral (and topical) antibiotic that's making me feel really ill. the oral AB I mean.

 

Tired, sore all over, and in the middle of moving, oh joy HAHAHA

I hired my mover today, so that's done- just gotta finish packing, transfer all the utilities, change address......... and all the other dozens of small details.

 

moving is stressful so it's no wonder that I got run down and caught a virus and got an infection, body is stressed out and immune system isn't working so great.

 

but in 2 weeks I'll be in my new place with a great view of the city and surrounded by friends, and it will all be worth the stress.

 

 

 

[Ather]

Quote

and immune system isn't working so great.

 

Isn't it just a thought ?

 

I pray that your moving goes smoothly by the will of God, Ameen.

[Happy2Heal]

8 hours ago, Ather said:

 

Isn't it just a thought ?

 

I pray that your moving goes smoothly by the will of God, Ameen.

great point Ather!

I have a fortune cookie that I've saved and kept on my fridge that says:
"we are what we think"

 

this is so true.

 

thank you.

 

[JackieDecides]

10 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

I got an acute URI, not too bothersome but had to go to Urgent care for a strange lesion on my leg.
They tell me it's cellulitis (something I"d never heard of) Rxed an oral (and topical) antibiotic that's making me feel really ill. the oral AB I mean.

 

I'm so sorry!  ☹️

 

I'm glad you made a decision on the mover and I can't wait to hear about you being "on the other side" of the move! then the unpacking can take as long as it needs to.   🤗

 

and I'd love to see a photo of your new view! 

 

 

[Happy2Heal]

thanks so much Jackie

 

so tired, but it's all going smoothly

 

 

 

[Ather]

20 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

great point Ather!

I have a fortune cookie that I've saved and kept on my fridge that says:
"we are what we think"

 

this is so true.

 

thank you.

 

 

I wish more and more patients here can understand this very enlightening term "we are what we think".

 

For psychological patients, the basic ABC works better then a PhD.

 

God bless you !

[Happy2Heal]

a little update:

Tomorrow I move to a new apt. after almost 23 yrs in the same place, and over 27 yrs in the same neighborhood.

I'm still not moving that far away, just about 3 blocks, hahaha, but it's a whole different atmosphere where I am going.

Here, the other tenants consist of the landlord and his 2 good friends, who treat me like an enemy.

There, I have 2 friends living in the building and the others are nice people, polite but I hear they keep to themselves. 

 

I went thru the worst year of my life in this apt (roughly Oct 2016 to Oct 2017) I'll be leaving behind all those bad memories, and taking only positive energy to my new home.

I know the memories are not "in" this place but as I leave here, I am going to imagine that all the bad energy stays behind.

Just as a kind of cleansing mental exercise I guess. 

 

 

Some hobbies and interests of mine from years ago are returning!  I've ordered a nice pair of binoculars because I am going to  be birdwatching again. I have a nice porch to sit on at my new apt where I can look out over the entire city, as well as several stands of trees where birds and squirrels hang out. I hear that we even get a cardinal from time to time.

 

I've renewed my interest in cooking from scratch, both to save money and to have less processed homemade foods available. My new apt has a much bigger fridge and freezer!!

I'm going to be growing some exotic houseplants, my new apt is sunny and bright. It's been my hobby to try to grow difficult and unusual plants from seed.

 

and I'm going to branch out and find new friends, and others with similar interests. I want to get more involved in issues that are important to me (animal welfare, homelessness) and I'd like to find a part time job.

so many plans! and I've got the energy and the clear head to do all these things now.

 

 

I have done incredibly well with all the details of moving.(yup I'm patting myself on the back here LOL) I had only one short period of time where I felt overwhelmed but I pulled out of it fairly quickly. I still have to watch where my thoughts take me, but I no longer have any of the physical issues and neuro emotions associated with withdrawal/recovery-  I think all of my feelings are now genuine ones. And now I have the tools to deal with any intense emotions I might have. I'm no longer afraid of my feelings.

life is good.

So good. I am so grateful to have gotten to this point and most esp grateful to Alto and all the moderators and members here who have helped me along the way. I don't think I could have made it without your support.

 

[Leo1983]

Was oct 2016 - 2017 your first year of wd? You said it was awful. 

 

You have done so well. 

 

Well done 

[JackieDecides]

1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

I know the memories are not "in" this place but as I leave here, I am going to imagine that all the bad energy stays behind.

Just as a kind of cleansing mental exercise I guess.

 

what a wonderful idea!

 

I'm glad things are going so well for you. 😍

[myndfull]

Happy -- Change is good. I hope you enjoy your new home.

 

Myndfull

[neroli]

Thank you H2H

 

On one of the many days I feel hopelessness, your story has given me some hope.  I'm 62, similar age to you, and feel like life has ended and all I have to look forward to is more struggle and pain as I try to taper off 3 drugs.  You are an example of life developing and getting better even through very tough times and long-term drugging.

 

I'll try to remember this when I feel like I can't go on.

 

Many thanks

 

Neroli

[JLex1981]

Yay H2H, You're rocking it girl... Do you :-)

[Dreamer]

Hello H2H,

I went off Zoloft cold turkey 13 weeks ago (was on it for 10 years).  I also was taking tranxene (a Benzo) several times a week for at least that long.  The hardest thing about the wd are the anxiety.  Brain zaps and other stuff is done.  But I feel so uncomfortable mentally and physically.  Tranxene used to just take the edge off and this anxiety is so tough that it doesn't work.  My psychiatrist wanted me to take Xanax and I said no so then he suggested Ativan . But I don't want to addicted to that too. And it doesn't work that well.  My question is, did you suffer from anxiety?  If so, what did you do for it? I feel so panicked most of the time after reading all the awful stories on the internet.  I honestly have thought about going back on something but that scares me too after reading stories of reinstatement attempts.  But this is beyond difficult (I know you know that).  If I could calm the anxiety it would be tons better.  Any advise would be hugely appreciated.

Thankyou so much,

 

[Tweet]

Congrats!! Hope you have lots of new exotic plants going by now in your bright, happy new home. 

Well done🙂

[Happy2Heal]

just a quick update, been in my new place since April 11th,

still getting adjusted to the change but feel so much happier here!

the move went great, the moving company was wonderful!
I was too excited to sleep much for a few days but am now settling in pretty well. I still have a few days when I want to pinch myself, like, am I really here? is this really happening? but overall I'm much more comfortable and very happy. 

 

I feel like a whole new world of possibilities has opened up to me. I can't even explain it.

 

realizing I could get off the drugs and that I could take control of my health and my life, that was a huge revelation to me.

It's had a ripple effect on every facet of my life

I now no longer see the limitations and the problems (only) I realize I have a LOT more choices about what I want my life to look like. 

it's exciting and a little scary but so much better than sleepwalking thru my life the way I was when I was on the "medications" (that I now refer to as neurotoxin chemicals)

 

oh Tweet, I've not gotten many plants yet, they're not for sale yet but I did start some seeds. and ordered some air plants! and bought some soil and pots, so I'm getting ready for "greenie babies"

 

oh and a house finch made a nest on a wreath on the porch here, and the eggs just hatched! I can see one baby bird, all fuzz and eyes and a beak, kinda homely actually but so exciting to see!

 

I have a cheap but nice pair of binoculars and I'm doing some birdwatching, seen a lot of cool birds. 
Just did a big neighborhood clean up with a new group, that was fun! 

Been to Veg Fest with a friend and working on volunteering for the next one.

Gotta fill in for my friend who is going to be away for a month or two, taking over the Meals on Wheels congregate dining.

I'll be back at the Y swimming this week.

and my friend from the west coast comes out to visit for 2 mos in June and my brother may visit too, from out of state

 

so yeh, I'm not bothering to look back, no regrets here, just looking ahead and living each day to the fullest!

I have days when I want to jump out of bed, the way I did when I was a child, eager to see what the new day has to offer.

Iife is good! ❤️

[JackieDecides]

oh, fantastic, I am so glad you got your move done and the new place is so much better. 

1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

I now no longer see the limitations and the problems (only) I realize I have a LOT more choices about what I want my life to look like. 

 

this is such an inspiration to me!! 

 

🌈   but if we had a dance banana emoji I would put that in! 

[Happy2Heal]

 

 

 

 

ooh I love the dancing banana, added the code, I hope that works

 

If it makes you feel any better we might get light snow today, and we've got more than 3/4 of the days ahead with rain and cooler than normal temperatures

I'd be a bit upset to see 2" of snow this late in April, you've got a great attitude about it!

yeh, take a walk in the snow

get a selfie too

 

I gotta do my stretches n stuff, so I"m not too upset about the rainy days, gives me time to get indoor stuffs done

 

 

[Tweet]

Is your hair all back to normal now? It was falling out...

 

 

[JackieDecides]

  

 

well, I can copy/paste yours...

4 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

'd be a bit upset to see 2" of snow this late in April, you've got a great attitude about it!

 

the roads are only wet, not icy so it's all good. I'm a bit bummed there has been no sun today. I am used to sun darn near every day!