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Dear Long road,  did you also suffer from intrusive doom thoughts, feeling not wanting to wake up and cannot think of future plans , that's part of ahedonia right, do they fade by time ? I'm so glad to have read your post as ahedonia and loss of life zest is the worst for me , I have 4 kids and rarely engage with them . I want these thoughts to vanish . I'm not sure is it the ahedonia causing these thoughts about death or vice versa . I have faith and believe that's the rope that's keeping me positive although my emotions are totally the opposite. I have only been on medication for 6 month and fast tapered 2 month ago but still on benzo Bec it slows down the rumination . 

 

I'm very hopeful; but in search for answers. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi H2H Thank you. You really are such an inspiration. I’m really in the thick of  it with Lexapro ,CT, Withdrawal. Reading your success story over and over seems to help on the really bad days. Thank you for helping me on my thread. I’m so grateful to have someone so wise with so much experience helping me. 

Take care and enjoy that life. 🧡

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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5 hours ago, Katy398 said:

Hi H2H Thank you. You really are such an inspiration. I’m really in the thick of  it with Lexapro ,CT, Withdrawal. Reading your success story over and over seems to help on the really bad days. Thank you for helping me on my thread. I’m so grateful to have someone so wise with so much experience helping me. 

Take care and enjoy that life. 🧡

Hi @Katy398

I'm sorry you're in the thick of it now! I see you fast tapered a high dose of Lexapro, jumping off at 20mgs which is, you're right, basically a CT

It's infuriating that drs don't know any better, isn't it?


I'm so sorry you're going thru this. It does get better though, and my hope is that it gets better very soon for you.

 

You wrote: "Sometimes  when I’m really struggling all I can do is curl up and 

‘lick’ my wounds. Self indulgent but it’s all I can manage."

 

I hope you don't mind if I gently disagree, this is NOT self indulgent, this is self care. ❤️

you're going thru one of the toughest things ever, something most folks outside of us survivors, can't even fathom.  You need to do whatever it is that helps you get thru it.

 

I wish there was a way to fast forward time and get you to the end, but please know, it's coming! each day you get closer to it.

When you're in a better place, maybe write down how you are feeling and how optimistic and hopeful you are, how strong you feel, and save it somewhere where you can see it, for when a wave hits.

I remember how hard it was to feel better and then to have the awful stuff come back, you wonder if you've ever felt better, and you know that you did, but it all seems unreal when you're in a wave.

Hold onto to what you wrote when you were feeling better.

Nurture it, focus on it, even when you can't remember what it felt like, because it's going to come back. And the good feelings will bond together to bring better, more long lasting good feelings.

 

It's hard to imagine it now but you will get to where I am now, and this will all be more like a bad dream that you know you lived thru. You'll marvel at how strong you are, and  have been, I hope, and you'll feel so proud of yourself. You should feel that way NOW for getting to this point

 

do you have any hobbies? have you been able to engage in any of them?


I kept myself busy hanging out with folks and playing cards, going out to eat and to free concerts and things I actually don't really enjoy that much, but that kept my mind off how I was feelings. I avoided the news, newspapers, and as much as possible, negative people.  

Do you know who Mr Rogers is? if you want to listen to a very kind person with a soothing voice, you can find a lot of interviews with him. Kind of a random suggestion but I know I enjoy listening to him. His focus is on children but he sort of speaks to the inner child in all of us, I think.

 

hang in there, you're doing GREAT!!

your brain is working hard to get back to it's pre drugged state, and that feels awful but it means it's doing what it is supposed to do.

you are healing!! 

 

 

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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Oh my word @Happy2Heal,

Thank you this is so supportive. You really know  exactly what say to ease  the terror and pain that come with these waves.  This could only have come from a true sufferer. It’s so true, remembering how a window feels whilst in a wave, is impossible. It feels like they are the two sides of a coin, describing the details of the underside of a coin seems impossible unless it has been studied whilst in full view. My sister tries to remind me but I struggle to remember or even believe her. It’s as if my brain cannot remember both wave and window at the same time. 

I will take notes and see if it helps. Of course distraction is the best. 

Take care H2H,

and thank you again.

Kx

 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • Mentor

@Happy2HealThank you for sharing your story.What a true inspiration you are. You give me strength. Thank you 🙏 

 

 


1999-2020  20 mg Paxil

Bridged with Fluoxetine to help me get off Paxil.

2022 Fluoxetine 15 mg 12/12 14mg 27/12  13mg jan 12mg feb 11mg mars 10mg, 9 mg 8,5 mg 7.6mg 7.0 mg 6,3 mg 5,6 mg 5,0 mg 4,5 mg 4,0 mg 3.6mg 3,2 mg 2,9 mg 2,6 mg 2,3 mg 2,0 mg

 


I am not a medical professional nor is this a medical advice. I only talk from my own experience.

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On 3/16/2020 at 1:43 PM, phill said:

hi, i saw that u experienced insomnia, what meds did you take and for how long? did you cold turkey or taper? how long did you experience insomnia for? how long are you off all the meds?

hi Phill,

my med history is in my signature

I took all kinds of meds for over 40  yrs, including anti psychotics,  "mood stabilizer", SSRIs, benzos and Z drugs, etc

 

most of my drugs were CTed but usually were replaced with another drug (or several)


the last 2 that I got off of, were the lexapro and a tiny bit of klonopin I was using infrequently as needed

 

I had severe insomnia when I went off the lexapro (which was a combination of several CTs with  full reinstatements, rapid tapers and partial reinstatements ending with a fairly rapid taper down to 2.5mgs, jumping off, getting delayed protracted withdrawal and reinstating a TINY TINY bit 5 mos later (so basically, really, a CT off 2.5ms)

 

once delayed protracted insomnia hit, I had many nites of no sleep, or almost no sleep.

then I'd be lucky and sleep maybe 20 mins at time, once or twice a night

 

gradually my sleep got better, but it took a long time. 
 

I have been completely OFF all drugs since Oct 2017,  so 2yrs and 5 mos now

 

But basically, it got better GRADUALLY over a long period of several years

 

does that help?

 

I am doing very well now, much better than while I was on the drugs. and I am recovered from withdrawal

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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7 minutes ago, phill said:

totally, how much sleep do you get now? how long did it take you to get better?how was your progress like? 

phill

I don't know how many hours, but I do know that is it enough.

 

I typically sleep for 60 to 90-mins, wake up and go to the bathroom, and then go back to sleep til around 3 am, get up for a bathroom run again (unless I've not been drinking much) pet the cat or play with her for a few minutes and go back to bed til it's time to get up (around 7  or so)

so I'd guess I sleep about 6-7 hrs total.

 

I don't keep track of hours anymore because I had such severe insomnia for so  long, I was stressed about the amnt of sleep.

I finally figured out that quality of sleep is a lot more important.

 

I now feel well rested most mornings.

 

as I said, my progress was a slow gradual increase in the time and the quality of my sleep

 

It's hard to say how long it took- do you mean while I was tapering, or once I was totally off?
If I go back to when delayed protracted WD started- that was in Aug/Sept of 2016, so about 3 yrs

HOWEVER my sleep was improving all the time, and except for the very first year (2016 to 2017) I felt like I was getting enough sleep to be mostly ok, just not as much sleep as I WANTED to get LOL

 

it's a long process.

 

I"m curious, what are you hoping to gain from hearing other ppls experiences?

 

I have read a LOT of the stories on here and I can tell you, insomnia is the most common symptom (along with anxiet) and insomnia is the thing that hangs on the longest

 


I read a great book a few years back, though, that explained that sleep is a primary need of our bodies, and even if we don't feel like we are sleeping, our bodies/brains will shut down, even if it's only a partial shut down, and get the sleep that we truly NEED.

so you don't need to worry about that.

 

as far as getting the sleep we want, and that is optimal for us, that's a different story

 

Use good sleep hygiene, it will help.

 

you are well on your way, you're already able to fall back asleep after waking up, I read, so that's great!

it will continue to get better and better

 

I

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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Thank you so much for your story....I am so truly, very happy for you and it gives me so much hope for my own journey. I’m 4 1/2 months off of Lexapro....making progress but very tough. ♥️

1999 Prozac 20 mg for several weeks for situational anxiety. The introduction of the meds caused extreme, catastrophic anxiety. Tried multiple other antidepressants. Could not tolerate any because of low Glutathione levels. Back to Prozac 5 mg....leveled out eventually. Issues in 2010 lead me to try to increase Prozac to 10 mg then 20 mg ...so very difficult to metabolize with decreased Glutathione...Switched to Lexapro 10 mg in 2015 with much difficulty. Started to taper in March of 2019..shaving off dust from the 10 mg pill with a razor blade....Taper, hold, taper, hold all year (very successful) until I thought I could stop at 2.5 mg in August of 2019. Started experiencing withdrawals. Reinstated 2.5 mg of Lexapro to ease withdrawals in liquid form...(again massive anxiety with the re-addition). Tapered completely off November 11, 2019. Using Propranolol as needed. 

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On 3/17/2020 at 5:01 PM, phill said:

sincerely all these big pharma owners and those who supported the development of these drugs and hid the true negative sideffects should recieve life time in prison everyone should gather and make a huge lawsuit against these pharmas, they claim antidepressants use for INSOMNIA depression anxiety and many other things which turns out to be 100% completely bs, just like antipsychotic im not sure if it has any use for schizophrenia however it has absolutely no use for anything else other than that, do you know how an antipsychotic works?

 

On 3/17/2020 at 5:01 PM, phill said:

they do absolutely no research on any drug they sell, they have no idea what it does to your ******* brain, just take benzos as an example, doctors have no ******* idea of anything they used to pescribe benzos for peoiple to take everyday, WTF? just like ******* opioids they will the **** they want  to and if these big owners and people dont start getting arrested for THESE HUGE CRIMES AGAINST PEOPLE,

 

 

I hear how angry you are and believe me I am too! 

it's absolutely disgusting what they've done and continue to get away with.

hopefully the hundreds of stories on this forum and others like it will help ppl see how dangerous these drugs are, and maybe these makers of poisons will go out of business, at least.

But I too, would like to see them in jail.

 

On 3/17/2020 at 5:01 PM, phill said:

Also a question for you, you said u wake up and go do this and that, do you actually sleep and become unconscious or do you just kinda like take a nap but ur still awake

 I have pretty normal sleep now. Is  your sleep still feeling not quite like real sleep?

 

trust me, it's going to get better.

 

then when you are well rested, we can try to fight these jerks in Big Pharma together

 

;)

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Mentor
On 3/21/2020 at 8:09 PM, Bythegrace said:

Thank you so much for your story....I am so truly, very happy for you and it gives me so much hope for my own journey. I’m 4 1/2 months off of Lexapro....making progress but very tough. ♥️

 

you are very welcome

 

getting off lexapro is tough but it can be done. please take your time, it will likely be a lot less stressful if you do!

oh Just checked your signature, is it up to date? according to it, you kind of fast tapered off that last 2.5mgs, if I'm reading it correctly, just a couple of months?

 

how are you doing now? are you taking the propranolol for heart palpitations or high heart rate?

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Mentor

a random post about frustration, this is NOT at all related to WD recovery, I'm doing great and have not had any waves or issues at all ;)

 

I do have normal every day frustrations, though - like everyone does and this is my mini rant about something that is really bothering me, 

regarding the whole covid19 "thing"

 

the news reporting is really annoying me. They keep announcing numbers of positive tests in different areas, then they'll say *for example*, that the number doubled in just one day, or it's up x % or something.

 

does anyone understand how utterly meaningless these numbers are!?!?!

 

you first have to know, how many ppl were tested!! what percentage of the population.  right now, it's primarily those who are already sick and even then, it's mostly only the sickest of the sick

 

In some situations, depending on where you live or who you are, it's folks who were knowingly exposed that are tested.

 

since they are self selecting a group that is more likely to be infected, these numbers are practically useless- of course there are going to be a lot of positive test results

 

how many of them are not needing any care, and aren't in the hospital? how many have very mild symptoms or NONE at all? these would be good things to know

 

even the numbers of deaths don't tell us a whole lot- we need to know, how old was the person, what other health conditions did they have, and how long did it take for them to get medical attention? at least one person was turned away and later died. 

 

 

Now, I personally am not super great with numbers, they annoy me, so having USELESS numbers tossed out by the  media annoys me even more!
 

and these numbers are being used to ramp up ppls anxiety and fears

 

I'm not saying this is not a big deal, this pandemic, but please, when you hear ever increasing numbers, ask yourself, what do those numbers really mean.

Realize that in densely populated areas, of course there are going to be more ppl infected; there's more ppl *and* they live closer together than in other places!

 

in some places more ppl are tested so of course there are going to be more positive results, in places where few ppl are being tested, there will be few results, so, if you can't tell us what percentage of the population is even getting the test, maybe just don't tell us these numbers!!

they are useless.

 

 

so, try not to get too paranoid, be smart and stay safe but don't let the news media scare you silly

 

that's my rant for the day!!

just once I wish the news media would concentrate on truly useful information 🙄

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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On 3/28/2020 at 1:41 PM, Happy2Heal said:

I do have normal every day frustrations, though - like everyone does and this is my mini rant about something that is really bothering me, 

regarding the whole covid19 "thing"

 

it  is a big, hairy "thing", isn't it? 

 

I'm finding my low work hours tolerable (so far) ) but not having anywhere to go otherwise has been horrible. I had just started to feel like I could be around people on a regular basis with or without anxiety as much as I needed to and now, pretty much,  nothing.  on a sunny day I really want to at least go downtown and sit on the patio of a bar and have a cider - watch the people walk by.  I really miss going to the library, too. and my book club. and church. 

 

after I get home from work today I will up date my own thread. 

 

glad you are doing so well, Happy2Heal!  and it was a good rant! 

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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Hi @JackieDecides

 

Would you tell me a little about not being around people during your recovery?

 

How long before you felylt you could and wanted to see people.

 

Also how did that start happening.

 

Keep safe

 

Leo.

May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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@Leo1983  can you come over to my thread  and talk about this?  this thread is about Happy2Heal's success story.  thank you! 

 

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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Oh apologies, i did not realise it was happys thread. 

May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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  • Mentor
19 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

after I get home from work today I will up date my own thread. 

looking forward to it

 

;)

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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31 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

looking forward to it

 

;)

 

and I really didn't, turns out. I am so scattered! I will this morning BEFORE work. even though I'm only getting 3 hours of work, I'm finding it exhausting! 

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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8 hours ago, Leo1983 said:

Oh apologies, i did not realise it was happys thread. 

no worries - we all go off on tangents.  I just did myself. 

 

and Happy2Heal is a very kind woman with a lot of excellent posts so it's good you are here. 

 

 

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi, Happy!!!

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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  • 5 weeks later...
  • Mentor

copied and pasted from another message cuz I'm tired today LOL

"I'm reluctant to put this down in writing but I think I just came out of a wave. 

I got into a bad emotional spiral with anger and wasn't sleeping, my vision was affected, and I just felt very uncomfortable and ill at ease.

I attributed it to the virus and the lock down and all the stress of the move and such

BUT

In the middle of the day, on Tuesday, all of that was just suddenly GONE and I felt such peace.

It was very odd.

 

Then I remembered that when I had waves in the past, they were often followed by being at a higher level of wellness and healing afterward.

Symptoms that I didn't even realize I'd had, were suddenly gone and it was their absence that I felt.

 

this is roughly 2 1/2 yrs post zero. "

 

the wave, if that's what it was, lasted maybe 10 days but with a build up period perhaps of a few weeks. It's hard to say because of all the stuff going on- the  move, the lockdown for the virus, and lots of personal stuff that I don't wish to go into here.

 

I guess after 4 decades on psych drugs, I should not be surprised to have residual symptoms. Esp when under tremendous stress.

 

 

I'm all better now though! ;)

 

❤️

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Mentor

That is great that you feel better now! Thanks for the update :) All the best in continued healing :D 

 

Everyday that passes is one day closer to being healed ! 

I follow The Plant Paradox lifestyle by Dr.Gundry. This lifestyle has given me my life back and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. It has enabled me to finally get off of this medication and truly live my life. Nutrition is the key to health!!!!! 

2008 to 2019  - 20 mg Paroxetine

Attempted 2 CT's around the 5-6 year mark. Were absolutely terrible and reinstated. Was never explained by the doctor the seriousness of the short half life of this drug. 

2017 - Attempted a tapered discontinuation of this drug and reinstated after being unsuccessful.

2019 - Feb. 12 - After a three month taper I am off of paroxetine. The 3 months were terrible, awful withdrawal feelings. I followed the doctors guidelines for the reduction of this drug and now know it was way too fast. 
2019 - Oct. 12 - 8 months off paroxetine. 75% improvement since coming off the drug. Definitely have had tons of challenges along the way. Let’s go!!!! 

2021 - Feb. 12 - 24 months off paroxetine. I have minor challenges now. Tinnitus/Headaches are still around but are reduced by a massive amount. 

 

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  • Mentor

Nice! So great you feel better. And I love the description of how a wave has a "pre-period" and then the actual wave and, for me, a lessening and then it is gone. And, yes, stress def ramps it up.

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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On 5/24/2020 at 9:06 AM, Happy2Heal said:

the wave, if that's what it was, lasted maybe 10 days but with a build up period perhaps of a few weeks. It's hard to say because of all the stuff going on- the  move, the lockdown for the virus, and lots of personal stuff that I don't wish to go into here.

 

 

 

sounds like that's what it was! do you have any real doubt? 

 

whatever personal stuff is going on,  the Time of Covid has been freaking stressful for all of us as individuals and in a more collective way, as a society.  and it's not over, of course. 

 

it would be weird if we weren't having waves. or whatever we are having. 🙄

 

I'm glad it got better. it always does, right? hope so! 

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Mentor
On 5/27/2020 at 9:14 PM, JackieDecides said:

 

 

sounds like that's what it was! do you have any real doubt? 

 

whatever personal stuff is going on,  the Time of Covid has been freaking stressful for all of us as individuals and in a more collective way, as a society.  and it's not over, of course. 

 

it would be weird if we weren't having waves. or whatever we are having. 🙄

 

I'm glad it got better. it always does, right? hope so! 

 

 

I guess I did doubt it because there's been so much stress with the virus and moving but some of the symptoms were just over the top


I feel pretty confident that it was a wave, luckily a short one, because I've arrived, once again, at a  "higher" level of calmness and well being.

It amazes me that this can still happen after all this time, and with me being very satisfied with my life for a couple of years now!
and yet it still gets better!

 

that is so good to know. Each time I think it can't get any better, it does.

 

of course I have hard moments and even days like everyone. Even this week, I learned I've got an eye problem that there's basically no treatment for, that means I will probably need vision rehab for low vision, and already means I need low vision aids.

I was pretty upset about it, it seems so unfair because it's a common diagnosis for ppl as they age but the VAST majority of ppl with this same dx have NO problems seeing at all!!  but not me! oh no!!

nope I"m one of the rare folks whose vision went from 20/20 (corrected in both eyes) to 20/80 and 20/40 overnight.

It can hopefully be corrected with new lenses but I've got central vision loss that will never come back and may get worse.

(it's not macular degeneration thank goodness, it's macular pucker aka epiretinal membrane) 

2-3% of ppl my age (or anyone over 50) have it, and up to 20% of ppl over 75 have it, yet most have no symptoms and don't even know they've got it.

but lucky (un lucky) me, I have pretty significant symptoms, since this change in vision happened literally overnight

 

but, It can be dealt with and I'm probably not going to lose my vision entirely. I do need to start learning how to work around it though, just in case it continues to get worse

 

there is a chance that it can spontaneously heal, as well so that's what I'm hoping for!!

 

at first I thought this vision issue was a wave!! because I had vision symptoms during acute WD

but they took a photo of the back of my eye and they showed me the problem and it's a real physical thing you can see, so not WD this time!

 

 

so, to anyone who is a few years past zero, the good news could be that even more improvements are to come!

and if it takes a little wave to get there, that's ok! that's my feeling anyway

 

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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On 6/18/2020 at 6:17 AM, Happy2Heal said:

that is so good to know. Each time I think it can't get any better, it does.

 

I am so glad for you! I believe this is true for all of us. I need to believe that. 

 

 

 

On 6/18/2020 at 6:17 AM, Happy2Heal said:

but, It can be dealt with and I'm probably not going to lose my vision entirely. I do need to start learning how to work around it though, just in case it continues to get worse

 

there is a chance that it can spontaneously heal, as well so that's what I'm hoping for!!

 

I'm so sorry - but glad you are so much better & therefore so much more able to cope. skills, you have them! 🤗

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Mentor

hmm another blast of stress, 

another wave of symptoms? or "PTSD" symptoms, I do not know.

 

got some anxiety 😕  a bit of dread here and there too.

kinda unhappy about this, I've felt so calm and relaxed

but I'll get thru it

 

I just don't like it very much,

I've woken up in a cold sweat, with my heart pounding

 

I haven't been taking the best care of myself, not eating well (not eating hardly at all) staying in so not going on my daily walks, and just not having much interest in this that I usually enjoy

 

I know that this is only temporary though.

 

I am toying with the idea of labelling all of these brief periods of "upset" as waves. It has a calming effect on me

I just accept it and know that it won't last

 

I think if I didn't give it the label of a wave, I'd be worried that it may not be temporary, I don't know

 

anyway, life in general is still quite good and the stressful situation is minor, a first world problem if you will

 

 

take care everyone

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Mentor

Given the situation here in the USA, I think it is natural to feel a bit of hopelessness and dread. Hope you feel better soon, @Happy2Heal

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I'm sorry to hear this, @Happy2Heal, and I'm sure it's just a blip. I think you're right @FarmGirlWorks. It's too easy to devolve into hopelessness when things are trending so badly here. It simply amazes me how spoiled and entitled some people can be about things like haircuts and restaurants. I'm sure we look ridiculous to the rest of the world. I'm in Texas, where we apparently don't believe in face masks and social distancing, so I'm pretty much housebound. I've been very stressed and upset, which I believe contributed to the wave I've been in for the past week. Withdrawal + pandemic = a Control Freak's worst nightmare...lol! May we all stay safe and healthy.

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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On 7/12/2020 at 11:23 PM, Happy2Heal said:
7 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Given the situation here in the USA, I think it is natural to feel a bit of hopelessness and dread. Hope you feel better soon, @Happy2Heal

 

 

yes, I agree. 

 

Last week I realized I was having hypomania for the first time since I was on my highest dose of Lexapro.  I did this to myself by increasing coffee consumption, which I have now given up. again!  and it went away so now I know, the way life is right now I just can't handle coffee. 

 

so we have the pandemic, which is making people who formerally had NO issues depressed and anxious!  and then we have our actions, which we can control. 

 

go back to walking again, not because you "should" but because it is a way to care for yourself. 

 

we all deserve good care. 😍

 

 

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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  • Mentor
1 hour ago, JackieDecides said:

I did this to myself by increasing coffee consumption, which I have now given up. again!  and it went away so now I know, the way life is right now I just can't handle coffee. 

 

 

sorry to hear you can't have coffee, but I am so glad you mentioned this!! 
I usually drink herbal tea but the price of it keeps going up and up, so I switched to regular tea recently.

It didn't seem to be effecting my sleep, but I have started having cortisol spikes and a lot of anxiety. Not severe anxiety but considering I was sooo calm before, it's very noticable.

 

I better find something else to drink!

1 hour ago, JackieDecides said:

go back to walking again, not because you "should" but because it is a way to care for yourself.

 

 

I am, I did yesterday!
it's hard for me when it's hot, I hate the heat. I need to get up earlier and get out before it gets too bad.

and I will!!

I felt so much better yesterday after being out walking.

 

yeh the pandemic is wearing on us all. I was overly optimistic about it, I honestly thought it would fizzle out like some of the other things that came our way, like zika and the like.

and now it's just looking worse and worse. very discouraging.

 

1 hour ago, JackieDecides said:

we all deserve good care. 😍

 

 yes, yes we do!! :)

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Mentor
9 hours ago, Dejavu said:

I'm sorry to hear this, @Happy2Heal, and I'm sure it's just a blip

thank you so much Dejavu

I'm sure it is too. 

9 hours ago, Dejavu said:

I'm in Texas, where we apparently don't believe in face masks and social distancing, so I'm pretty much housebound. I've been very stressed and upset, which I believe contributed to the wave I've been in for the past week. Withdrawal + pandemic = a Control Freak's worst nightmare...lol! May we all stay safe and healthy.

 

oh I am so sorry to hear this! I've got family in Texas and of course we are worried for them. I'm in the northeast, where things are not too bad, and have been steadily improving, but who knows if that will continue.

I really despise uncertainty! I know I have to learn to handle it better.

I think sometimes I tend to be too optimistic and that may lead to me feeling worse if things don't go as well as I'd hoped, I don't know...

but I'm thinking that may be part of my problem.

 

I still prefer to call these blips "waves" because to me, that's something I can't control, so it helps me to relax and gives me breathing space to figure out what might be going on.

I had most of my experiences labelled as signs and symptoms of the supposed "mental illness" that I was wrongly diagnosed with at an early age, 

so now, If I have uncomfortable feelings, I start to see myself in the ways I was brainwashed to see myself: as defective, as flawed, as "chemically unbalanced", as lacking something or needing something, esp some sort of intervention from the outside.

 

It is a relief to me to just tell myself, ok this could be my brain still healing from those over 40 years of ingesting toxic chemicals,  and there's nothing I can do but wait it out and take good care of myself.

 

and often, as soon as I settle into acceptance, my head clears and I can see where maybe my self care has not been that great lately, and maybe the way I am thinking about things, needs to be adjusted (CBT type stuff) 

a lot of times, it's a combination of things, but calling it a wave helps me not feel judged as defective.

Thinking of it as possibly signs of an illness immediately makes me feel defensive.

 

I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else...?

 

I worry that people who have been following my story will think that "oh my goodness, she's been off drugs for over 2 yrs and is still having waves"

and I don't want ppl to lose hope because of that.

I don't know for sure that these are waves, but I choose to call them that.

and if they are waves, they are SO so minor compared with acute withdrawal, and so short lived and have almost no real effect on my daily life-

so I can honestly say that I still "feel" totally healed, even if there's some tiny tweaking going on.

 

When I read the stories of others who, like myself, were on psych drugs for at least 20 yrs ( in my case, over 40) I see that they report some issues well past getting to zero and that reassures me that I'm doing ok

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Mentor
9 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Given the situation here in the USA, I think it is natural to feel a bit of hopelessness and dread. Hope you feel better soon, @Happy2Heal

thank you so much FarmGirlWorks

 

I am already feeling better and have realized that drinking reg tea is probably causing some of the anxiety.

I will be switching back to herbal, I prefer it but didn't think I deserved to spend the money on it (the price keeps going up)
what I can do, is to use each tea bag up to 3 times, so that will help to cut the cost.

 

oh the situation here with covid is really frustrating, isn't it? I had so hoped this would be over sooner and we could all go back to living semi normal lives.

 

it's distressing to hear that it's affecting younger ppl, and that there can be long term consequences to having it, and all that. I don't usually watch the news but sometimes end up seeing some at a friends house.

Then I wish I could go back into my own little safe bubble.

 

how are you doing?

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Mentor
13 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

I will be switching back to herbal, I prefer it but didn't think I deserved to spend the money on it (the price keeps going up)
what I can do, is to use each tea bag up to 3 times, so that will help to cut the cost.

Me too. I like to put a tea bag in room temp water and have a "tea water."

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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  • Mentor
16 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Me too. I like to put a tea bag in room temp water and have a "tea water."

oh I"ve never tried it at room temp, do heat it up to drink it or no?
 

to be honest, for me, tea is a warm place to put a sweetener and some soy milk. The tea is just the excuse almost.

When I was little my  mom would have tea parties for us kids with very weak tea that had more sugar and milk than anything else. I find the warm drink comforting, esp first thing in the morning, even in the summer.

I've found I can't really put anything cold into an empty stomach so even if I have no tea nor milk, I will make a hot cup of water to sip.

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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On 7/14/2020 at 7:24 AM, Happy2Heal said:

It is a relief to me to just tell myself, ok this could be my brain still healing from those over 40 years of ingesting toxic chemicals,  and there's nothing I can do but wait it out and take good care of myself.

 

exactly!  and give yourself credit for doing so well despite that 40 years! 

 

On 7/14/2020 at 7:24 AM, Happy2Heal said:

I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else...?

 

yes, the way you explained it makes perfect sense.  whatever works, right? 

 

and if you get green decaf tea it might work for you - at least here, the generic brand is less expensive than herbal tea is. there is a bit of caffeine in it, but not very much. nothing like even regular green tea let alone black tea. 

 

I've experimented with them all!   last summer, if I had 3 cups of DECAF green tea it was too much for me! 

 

and now, it depends on what I'm doing. if I'm home, I can tolerate more caffeine than I can if I'm at work and it is at all stressful. and, of course, I can't always predict when it will be. 

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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  • Mentor

hmm

I am in a low level wave of symptoms with the same pattern as most of my recovery: symptoms worse in the morning, getting much better by noon, having a fairly normal afternoon, feeling much much better by evening and going to bed feeling hopeful and even happy-

just to wake up to the dread and anxiety.

 

The odd thing is: the anxiety and dread are entirely mental, all "in my head'- NO physical manifestations at all, no bodily sensations of anxiety, none.

My body is not registering it at all, except for the occasional short cortisol spike. Less than one per week.

 

I'd almost prefer the physical symptoms of anxiety, I could work with those. Exercise and yoga, deep breathing etc all made a big difference

 

but taming my thoughts, getting my mind to get out of the negative space it wakes up in, that's a lot harder

 

I am a bit sad and disappointed that I'm having this kind of a wave.

I accept it and I know it will end, but it's not fun.

 

I know to not make any big decisions during this wave...

so I just wait for it to pass and work on my self care

 


I had originally thought my feelings were PTSD related but the symptom pattern of a troubled morning and a dramatically better evening, day after day, certainly points to this being a wave.

 

oh well.

watcha gonna do??

 

🤔

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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