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FarmGirlWorks
13 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

I will be switching back to herbal, I prefer it but didn't think I deserved to spend the money on it (the price keeps going up)
what I can do, is to use each tea bag up to 3 times, so that will help to cut the cost.

Me too. I like to put a tea bag in room temp water and have a "tea water."

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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Mod note:  link to: Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right (Introduction and update topic)   I was just an 18yr old,  a very confused, naive young woman, er no- more of a child, really-

sorry I didn't see this sooner you are very welcome. I remember in the early days of WD/recovery, how very much I needed to hear hopeful stories so I decided at that time, that if were to ma

This is absolutely true,  a whole day can be changed simply by  the kind, positive  words of others. The world would be a better place if more were able to acknowledge this.  Take care, We CAN Do

16 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Me too. I like to put a tea bag in room temp water and have a "tea water."

oh I"ve never tried it at room temp, do heat it up to drink it or no?
 

to be honest, for me, tea is a warm place to put a sweetener and some soy milk. The tea is just the excuse almost.

When I was little my  mom would have tea parties for us kids with very weak tea that had more sugar and milk than anything else. I find the warm drink comforting, esp first thing in the morning, even in the summer.

I've found I can't really put anything cold into an empty stomach so even if I have no tea nor milk, I will make a hot cup of water to sip.

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • April 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
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JackieDecides
On 7/14/2020 at 7:24 AM, Happy2Heal said:

It is a relief to me to just tell myself, ok this could be my brain still healing from those over 40 years of ingesting toxic chemicals,  and there's nothing I can do but wait it out and take good care of myself.

 

exactly!  and give yourself credit for doing so well despite that 40 years! 

 

On 7/14/2020 at 7:24 AM, Happy2Heal said:

I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else...?

 

yes, the way you explained it makes perfect sense.  whatever works, right? 

 

and if you get green decaf tea it might work for you - at least here, the generic brand is less expensive than herbal tea is. there is a bit of caffeine in it, but not very much. nothing like even regular green tea let alone black tea. 

 

I've experimented with them all!   last summer, if I had 3 cups of DECAF green tea it was too much for me! 

 

and now, it depends on what I'm doing. if I'm home, I can tolerate more caffeine than I can if I'm at work and it is at all stressful. and, of course, I can't always predict when it will be. 

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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hmm

I am in a low level wave of symptoms with the same pattern as most of my recovery: symptoms worse in the morning, getting much better by noon, having a fairly normal afternoon, feeling much much better by evening and going to bed feeling hopeful and even happy-

just to wake up to the dread and anxiety.

 

The odd thing is: the anxiety and dread are entirely mental, all "in my head'- NO physical manifestations at all, no bodily sensations of anxiety, none.

My body is not registering it at all, except for the occasional short cortisol spike. Less than one per week.

 

I'd almost prefer the physical symptoms of anxiety, I could work with those. Exercise and yoga, deep breathing etc all made a big difference

 

but taming my thoughts, getting my mind to get out of the negative space it wakes up in, that's a lot harder

 

I am a bit sad and disappointed that I'm having this kind of a wave.

I accept it and I know it will end, but it's not fun.

 

I know to not make any big decisions during this wave...

so I just wait for it to pass and work on my self care

 


I had originally thought my feelings were PTSD related but the symptom pattern of a troubled morning and a dramatically better evening, day after day, certainly points to this being a wave.

 

oh well.

watcha gonna do??

 

🤔

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • April 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
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Hey

 

So sorry to hear this. You know the drill well. Keep looking after yourself.

 

Im in a wave noe for 1 week and its kicking me against the rocks. Im devastated as its a heavy wave. Making life very difficult 

May 2016 - Aug 2016 - Prozac 20mg

 

March 2017 - June 2017 - Sertraline 100mg. Horrific withdrawal 5 m onths.

 

July 2017 - Aug 2017 - Mirtazapine 15mg. Horrific.

 

August 2017 - December 2017 Fluoxetine 10mg for 2 weeks ghen Escitalopram 20mg for 12 weeks. Never felt normal since this. Or baseline.

 

March 2018 - June 2018 - Escitalopram 5mg for 12 weeks. Stopped and here i am full of symptoms i never had.

 

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21 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

Im in a wave noe for 1 week and its kicking me against the rocks. Im devastated as its a heavy wave. Making life very difficult 

 

Oh I'm so sorry Leo!!
I hope it's over fast

same for mine!

I hate posting about these blips, esp after all this time but I realized, IF I had done a proper safe taper of 10% instead of the stupid fast taper I actually did,

I would just be finishing up my taper about now!!!

so, considering that I went too fast and was on so many drugs for so very long, this is a tiny inconvenience really

 

and even in the worst of my WD recovery, I was able to do things and make memories that I can now look back on and enjoy.

 

it will pass, it will!!

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • April 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
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I think I need to stop drinking  tea!!!!

I was going to just finish it up but maybe that is the problem

 

 

I've only been drinking non herbal tea with caffeine  for oh, just about 2-3 weeks

 

sheesh, that could be it!!
it hasn't bothered my sleep at all, so I thought it was ok

 

I will have to stop it and see what happens

 

it will be awesome if it's just that simple!!

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • April 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
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Cocopuffz17
1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

I think I need to stop drinking  tea!!!!

I was going to just finish it up but maybe that is the problem

 

 

I've only been drinking non herbal tea with caffeine  for oh, just about 2-3 weeks

 

sheesh, that could be it!!
it hasn't bothered my sleep at all, so I thought it was ok

 

I will have to stop it and see what happens

 

it will be awesome if it's just that simple!!

 

 

Interesting that you mention that. I have to steer clear of caffeine. It really messes with me. I take decaf coffee now. 

I follow The Plant Paradox lifestyle by Dr.Gundry. This lifestyle has given me my life back and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. It has enabled me to finally get off of this medication and truly live my life. Nutrition is the key to health!!!!! 

2008 to 2019  - 20 mg Paroxetine

Attempted 2 CT's around the 5-6 year mark. Were absolutely terrible and reinstated. Was never explained by the doctor the seriousness of the short half life of this drug. 

2017 - Attempted a tapered discontinuation of this drug and reinstated after being unsuccessful.

2019 - Feb. 12 - After a three month taper I am off of paroxetine. The 3 months were terrible, awful withdrawal feelings. I followed the doctors guidelines for the reduction of this drug and now know it was way too fast. 
2019 - Oct. 12 - 8 months off paroxetine. 75% improvement since coming off the drug. Definitely have had tons of challenges along the way. Let’s go!!!! 

2021 - Feb. 12 - 24 months off paroxetine. I have minor challenges now. Tinnitus/Headaches are still around but are reduced by a massive amount. 

 

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2 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

The odd thing is: the anxiety and dread are entirely mental, all "in my head'- NO physical manifestations at all, no bodily sensations of anxiety, none.

You know Happy my symptoms are identical. I’ve had very few physical symptoms throughout my whole 19 months after my 3.5 month CT. (Lexapro 40mgs!!!!). I too find it really hard to tame my mind. Meditation and breathing is all I can do but the random negative memories and catastrophic thoughts just keep coming. I get so frightened when I’m in a wave. 

 

I really feel for you. You’ve come so far and it seems so unfair that in Jan you felt 100% healed. How long is it since your last wave?  Do you think it’s Lexapro?

Hang on in there, this too will pass, you’ve seen it so many times before and it will pass. It’s just so horrid when in the midst of it all. 

Take care, 

Warm Regards K

 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

 

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22 minutes ago, Cocopuffz17 said:

Interesting that you mention that. I have to steer clear of caffeine. It really messes with me. I take decaf coffee now. 

I have been caffeine free for the past 5 yrs except for a rare half cup of coffee or some weak tea

 

It's always caused a problem for me, but I thought that once I was totally recovered, I'd be ok to drink some

 

I recently was unhappy about the cost of the herbal tea I normally drink and decided to go back to some cheap black tea.


I figured since it didn't seem to affect my sleep at all, it was ok, but these other subtle changes and now this less subtle morning dread and anxiety make me think that it might be the tea

 

the timing is just right, I was actually feeling wonderful before I started this tea.

 

Caffeine is a stimulant, and I don't need it or want it, I just wanted to spend less money.

 

this is the tea I love, but it's costs many times what plain black tea costs https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000E63LQU/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • April 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
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16 minutes ago, Katy398 said:

ou know Happy my symptoms are identical. I’ve had very few physical symptoms throughout my whole 19 months after my 3.5 month CT. (Lexapro 40mgs!!!!). I too find it really hard to tame my mind. Meditation and breathing is all I can do but the random negative memories and catastrophic thoughts just keep coming. I get so frightened when I’m in a wave. 

 

I really feel for you. You’ve come so far and it seems so unfair that in Jan you felt 100% healed. How long is it since your last wave?  Do you think it’s Lexapro?

Hang on in there, this too will pass, you’ve seen it so many times before and it will pass. It’s just so horrid when in the midst of it all. 

Take care, 

Warm Regards K

 

 

thanks so much Katy

 

oh it's hard to get a handle on things in our minds, isn't it? wow that was a fast taper you did!! from such a high dose too.

So like me, you probably would have not even been finished a "proper" 10% taper by now, right? so it's really quite understandable that we have symptoms.

not fun, but it shouldn't discourage us, is what I mean to say.

 

I am hoping this is just from drinking tea, it would make sense. I  have been drinking more tea the past week or so because I have been more thirsty than hungry.

Gosh I hope it's just the tea!!

 

I went back thru my thread and found this from late May I had a ten day wave then but was under a lot of stress, my symptoms were different though, it was more of an anger spiral: 

~~~I'm reluctant to put this down in writing but I think I just came out of a wave. 

I got into a bad emotional spiral with anger and wasn't sleeping, my vision was affected, and I just felt very uncomfortable and ill at ease.

I attributed it to the virus and the lock down and all the stress of the move and such

BUT

In the middle of the day, on Tuesday, all of that was just suddenly GONE and I felt such peace.

It was very odd.

 

Then I remembered that when I had waves in the past, they were often followed by being at a higher level of wellness and healing afterward.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

THe great thing is that I felt SUCH incredible peace when that 10 day wave ended.

I was doing just great and felt so calm I thought it would be ok to drink reg tea.

 

I'm quitting the tea, and hope that this settles down fast. I don't like waking up with that dread, it makes me reluctant to go to bed at all LOL
I figure, just stay up all night and see if i can avoid it.

It's there when I wake up so if I never sleep...........

ROFL

hey, this actually has helped me in the past, I have stayed up all night and that kind of re set things for me

it works best for depressive symptoms but If I'm not tired tonight, I might give that  a try too

 

I also need to move around more, I have not added back gentle exercise, it's been so hot. I know that will help me, I just have to make myself do it

 

thanks for stopping by, I hope you feel better soon - and stay that way!! ❤️

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • April 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
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Cocopuffz17
6 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

I have been caffeine free for the past 5 yrs except for a rare half cup of coffee or some weak tea

 

It's always caused a problem for me, but I thought that once I was totally recovered, I'd be ok to drink some

 

I recently was unhappy about the cost of the herbal tea I normally drink and decided to go back to some cheap black tea.


I figured since it didn't seem to affect my sleep at all, it was ok, but these other subtle changes and now this less subtle morning dread and anxiety make me think that it might be the tea

 

the timing is just right, I was actually feeling wonderful before I started this tea.

 

Caffeine is a stimulant, and I don't need it or want it, I just wanted to spend less money.

 

this is the tea I love, but it's costs many times what plain black tea costs https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000E63LQU/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Yea, I get that. But I would definitely spend the extra cash so you don't feel bad :) 

I follow The Plant Paradox lifestyle by Dr.Gundry. This lifestyle has given me my life back and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. It has enabled me to finally get off of this medication and truly live my life. Nutrition is the key to health!!!!! 

2008 to 2019  - 20 mg Paroxetine

Attempted 2 CT's around the 5-6 year mark. Were absolutely terrible and reinstated. Was never explained by the doctor the seriousness of the short half life of this drug. 

2017 - Attempted a tapered discontinuation of this drug and reinstated after being unsuccessful.

2019 - Feb. 12 - After a three month taper I am off of paroxetine. The 3 months were terrible, awful withdrawal feelings. I followed the doctors guidelines for the reduction of this drug and now know it was way too fast. 
2019 - Oct. 12 - 8 months off paroxetine. 75% improvement since coming off the drug. Definitely have had tons of challenges along the way. Let’s go!!!! 

2021 - Feb. 12 - 24 months off paroxetine. I have minor challenges now. Tinnitus/Headaches are still around but are reduced by a massive amount. 

 

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JackieDecides

caffeine is a drug that can affect many of us much more strongly than we think it would/could/will. I mean, look at people in TV shows: they are having coffee constantly, why can't we have a tiny bit? 

 

because it's too big a drug, at least for now. back to decaf! 😍  

 

on the plus side, when we do have some again: zippity doo dah! 😀

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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2 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

on the plus side, when we do have some again: zippity doo dah! 😀

 

yeh for me I just don't want to be on any kind of drug at all, tbh

 

I love the herbal tea, it's just expensive- but I ordered a bunch cuz I don't want to run out

 

I used to like the taste of coffee but the last few times I tried it, it tasted oily and gross.

I don't mind the aroma when it's brewing though

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • April 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
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Share on other sites

haven't got the herbal tea yet (mail order) but I have cut down on the black tea, only drinking a few weak cups of it early in the day and I am already noticing a difference

 

I still have the morning dread but it goes away a bit earlier.

so very odd to arrive in the exact same symptom pattern as early WD recovery....

this time there is NO doubt that this is a wave and it really underscores the fact that I need to continue to take good care of myself

 

that needs to be my number one job!!

It probably always should have been my number one job  :P

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • April 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
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Share on other sites

If I had tapered properly right from the start in June of 2015 from the dose of lexapro I was on at that time

RIGHT NOW I would be at 0.03 mgs!!

 

I forget what I jumped off at- All I know is that it was literally a drop in the syringe, so small I could barely get it out.

 

but that was in Oct of 2017!!
 

here it is, almost Aug 2020 and I've been totally off lexapro for well over 2 yrs. I guess I rushed it a bit eh? 

 

I am really rocking this recovery thing for someone who went as fast as I did.

(not to mention how many times I tried to get off lexapro unsuccessfully! my poor brain, up and down and up and down for all those years!! 15 yrs of doses fluctuating from 20mgs UP  to 30 mgs UP to 40 mgs down to zero and back UP again, and down again, and UP again!! I was off it completely for 7 miserable months even.

 

Amazing how our brains are able to heal from this.

 

I am writing this now for two reasons, to make myself feel better about this wee wave I am in, and also to remind anyone reading this, that No I did not do a proper taper so don't be discouraged by reports of issues this far out from zero

I would NOT BE this far out from zero IF I HAD DONE A PROPER TAPER!

I am extremely lucky to have done as well as I have.

 

and this is a TINY TINY wave, too!! ;)

 

love to you all and esp the dedicated volunteers who keep this site going.

incredibly important work that they are doing!

❤️

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • April 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
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just want to document this very odd day

I"ve reduced the black tea more so that I only had 2 cups yesterday and one cup this morning

I took a 30 min walk this morning

then went out with friends for a few hours in the afternoon

 

got home around 5, ate a really nice dinner and was just sooooo tired, I decided to lay down for a bit before taking my pet rats out to play

 

6  hrs later, I woke up!!!

 

wow!

 

I'm very surprised, this doesn't happen often.

 

of course now it's close to my regular bedtime but I'm fairly well rested, not sure if I should try to sleep or stay up for a bit,  LOL


Guess I'll see what my body wants to do.

 

I have no idea if this long nap is related to reducing the tea or what, but it sure was a nice nap!

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • April 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
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JackieDecides
On 7/22/2020 at 3:10 PM, Happy2Heal said:

I am really rocking this recovery thing for someone who went as fast as I did.

 

this is so true and you serve as a good example of what people can accomplish. 

 

sounds like yesterday was an excellent day! 🥰

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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17 minutes ago, JackieDecides said:

 

sounds like yesterday was an excellent day! 🥰

 

yesterday was a very odd day!! 😂
I slept for 6hs when I go home, even had some dreams, so I know I slept well.

 

Got up and puttered around for an hour or so and went back to bed, never expecting I'd be able to sleep after a 6 hr nap LOL

but I did!!!!

 

for another 6+ hrs!!

 

I feel pretty darn good today! :)  Guess I must have needed that extra rest....???

 

how are you doing?

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • April 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
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JackieDecides
10 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

how are you doing?

 

could be worse, I guess. for short term things are going OK but I don't feel like I have a long term. I hate my job and where I live and can't see a way forward, you know? 

 

I try and try to be grateful instead of depressed and it scares me I have depression in the middle of summer - worry a lot about next winter. 

 

but, like I said, trying to be grateful. 

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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18 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

could be worse, I guess. for short term things are going OK but I don't feel like I have a long term. I hate my job and where I live and can't see a way forward, you know? 

so sorry you're not happy with your job and where you live

 

do you mean the town/state or your apt?

18 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

 

I try and try to be grateful

sometimes, who knows, it might be good to just feel dissatisfied and unhappy.... idk

 

19 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

it scares me I have depression in the middle of summer - worry a lot about next winter. 

 ah next winter is so far away, maybe let's not borrow trouble, there's enough to deal with in the present, right?

 

kinda makes it seem unlikely that you've got SAD from lack of sunlight if you're feeling down in the summer...

but what do I know.

I know sunlight helps me in the winter but for me, I'm starting to think it's more the social isolation, maybe.......

 

but anyway!! 

for TODAY I hope you have a better day than yesterday and I hope you find something to do that brings you pleasure and I hope your stresses decrease and that in general, things just improve all around

 

if you were to guess, how much of how you're feeling seems to be from WD recovery/

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • April 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
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Share on other sites

some days I forget how bad acute withdrawal was (this amazes me because it was so so bad) and I almost wish I had that to deal with (!!!) 

because at least it gave me a focus.

 

now, dealing with regular life, I find myself unsure what to do from one day to the next...  (the "lockdown/shutdown is certainly a factor!!) 

 

I am discovering that for a long time, in the past, I just kept doing the same things over and over again, regardless of whether or not I found them satisfying,

regardless of whether it seemed like a good use of my time, 

it was just "familiar"

 

now, in uncharted and unfamiliar territory, I struggle with figuring out what I do want to do, what things do bring me satisfaction and what things feel like a good use of my time.

 

 

so far, for today,  binge watching SuperNanny on You Tube has distracted me from the difficult task of making better choices

 

 

🙄😂🤣

 

 

better luck tomorrow, eh?

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • April 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
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Share on other sites
  • Mentor
FarmGirlWorks
On 7/22/2020 at 3:10 PM, Happy2Heal said:

I am really rocking this recovery thing for someone who went as fast as I did.

(not to mention how many times I tried to get off lexapro unsuccessfully! my poor brain, up and down and up and down for all those years!! 15 yrs of doses fluctuating from 20mgs UP  to 30 mgs UP to 40 mgs down to zero and back UP again, and down again, and UP again!! I was off it completely for 7 miserable months even.

 

Amazing how our brains are able to heal from this.

Totally agree with you: it is amazing that our brains can heal so much from tremendous abuse and insult. I was on Zoloft for 5 years but same up and down with dosages and 7ish months off. Dear lord, my poor brain. 
 

Hope your wave ends soon @Happy2Heal. I’m doing well at present but have a strong fear of a wave now. In a new relationship and if that ended — whoah! 

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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JackieDecides
On 7/25/2020 at 1:01 PM, Happy2Heal said:

do you mean the town/state or your apt?

 

I love the state and find the town charming, often. so it's just the apartment.

 

I found an old manufactured home I tried to buy (got my brother to say he's loan me money for a downpayment) but because of covid my hours fluxuate too much and the mortgage lender told me they would need to see "4 weeks of full time paychecks". it might be for the best, I don't know, and I am impressed I actually tried to buy a home! 

 

for now I am back to reading the "roommate wanted" ads on CL searching for a way to both have a bit more privacy (from the neighbors here, not all of whom are non-crazy, you know?)  and yet pay less for rent. my theory is, whatever else is happening I am still working on getting out of debt. I hope to be up to broke by the time I am 60, how's that for a plan!  😁

 

 

On 7/25/2020 at 1:01 PM, Happy2Heal said:

kinda makes it seem unlikely that you've got SAD from lack of sunlight if you're feeling down in the summer...

 

I know I have had SAD before and this climate makes it very likely I will again. on top of the depression I have anyway, it's something I can't help worrying about. 

 

 

On 7/25/2020 at 1:01 PM, Happy2Heal said:

if you were to guess, how much of how you're feeling seems to be from WD recovery/

 

it's so hard to say - the big picture! unlike so many, I wasn't fine before taking SSRIs I had serious depression from when I was 11 and hit puberty. I'd like to think without all those drugged years I'd be further along in dealing with it, but who knows.

 

my best bet is I still have much bigger mood swings than I will further out (please, please) - last spring was 2 years off. and I am pretty sure I'd be better now if it wasn't for covid! 

 

but, overall, I try to take ownership of all the bad decisions I've made (financial and otherwise) rather than just tell myself it's outside factors. it's both, of course. 

 

 

On 7/26/2020 at 11:01 AM, Happy2Heal said:

now, in uncharted and unfamiliar territory, I struggle with figuring out what I do want to do, what things do bring me satisfaction and what things feel like a good use of my time.

 

 

all the thoughtful people I know are re-evaluating priorites since covid. those of us who already had mood issues should really really REALLY be proud of ourselves for just plugging along - however that looks - during the pandemic. and this fall's election and the aftermath is looking to be ugly, too!  so whatever we manage to do, good for us. 

 

and  -  getting back to you, H2H, in your own thread!  -  I'm glad you found Supernanny to watch and I'm glad you are here updating us and that we can connect this way for now.

 

I found it was really hard on me being on SA regularly so now I don't. but that may change. I do still think up a Grateful List every day, just aren't posting it for now. 

 

love and blessings to us all!  🥰

 

and feel free to update us with kitty pix, K? 😊

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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Dear JD, so sorry you're not happy with your new apt. I can relate to that. Just wasted a ton of money and effort moving out of one place just to move back in again. 

Feel really stupid about that, but can't change it so ....

 

 

That's great that you are working to get out of debt and to maybe buy a house. 
I'm a little confused about how looking for a roommate situation would give you more privacy....

or do you mean, you'd be out of a situation where you have no privacy from ppl you don't care for, and would be hopefully living with someone more respectful?

 

 

yeh as far as current events and the election go, UGH! just trying to stay away from it, everyone is being so mean to each other.  I have had to take a break from some ppl, they insist on trying to bait me into political discussions and I just got tired of being on guard all the time. I honestly wonder if I should be friends with some of these folks at all, but with the radically decreased outlets for socializing.... May not be a good time to burn any bridges, ya know? :P

 

Kitty is doing well, she's such a love! let me see if I can attach a photo of her. I also have 3 rats of my own now, all girls. I have a mom and daughter and another girl from a different rescue who is older and is like the gramma. they all get along great together ❤️

 tried to upload a photo, it was too big,

will have to try later, when I've got more time to mess with photo editing

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • April 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
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Share on other sites
JackieDecides
7 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

you'd be out of a situation where you have no privacy from ppl you don't care for, and would be hopefully living with someone more respectful?

 

 

yes, exactly that.

 

and hopefully in a house with at least a small yard or somewhere to be outside. here, there is a tiny spot on the porch but I can't be left alone to read because there are two men in the building and one or the other wants to talk at me. not converse, you know, back and forth, but basically make a speech at me. I have no tolerance for that and yet I don't seem to have it in me to just tell them to stop it. 

 

7 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

I have had to take a break from some ppl, they insist on trying to bait me into political discussions and I just got tired of being on guard all the time. I honestly wonder if I should be friends with some of these folks at all, but with the radically decreased outlets for socializing

 

that is unfortunate!  I admire you if you can tolerate people with radically different ideas and maybe keep politics separate. I guess for each person you have to decide if needing to socialize is worth dealing with the "being on guard" feeling. I hate that too! if you can't relax with people it doesn't feel worth it. but I realize I am more able to get out what with having a job and a car and so that's easy for me to say! 

7 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

Kitty is doing well, she's such a love! let me see if I can attach a photo of her. I also have 3 rats of my own now, all girls. I have a mom and daughter and another girl from a different rescue who is older and is like the gramma. they all get along great together

 

 

I am so glad! 🥰

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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quick update, got off the reg tea, drinking only herbal now and it IS helping

 

starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • April 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
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Share on other sites

another quick update, I wish I didn't write such long posts LOL

I'm trying to count how many possible waves I've had since getting to zero and I think this would be just the 3rd one

 

they've all been very mild, with mainly a single dominating symptom and have also been very short 

YAY for that!

 

this one seems to have been brought on by caffeine :(

 

no more of that stuff!

I'm 2 yrs and 10 mos past zero so this is pretty damn good, esp considering that IF I had done a proper taper, I would actually just be getting to zero around NOW!

 

so, hang in there folks, go slow and it'll be over before you know it.

honestly, it seemed like so long when it was happening but here I am and I have a hard time remembering it

You'll get to this place too, if you're not there already

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • April 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
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JackieDecides
10 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

quick update, got off the reg tea, drinking only herbal now and it IS helping

 

starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel

 

excellent! 

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 7/31/2020 at 8:17 PM, JackieDecides said:

quick update, got off the reg tea, drinking only herbal now and it IS helping

 

starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel

 

I'm an idiot!!! seriously, after having trouble with plain ol black tea, what did I do??? I had a cup of decaf COFFEE

brewed coffee!

even in my coffee drinking days, I only drank instant, a half cup of decaf brewed coffee would have me so buzzed it wasn't funny

 

so I had recovered totally from the tea issues and I'm out with a friend and the coffee smelled so good and I was feeling good and I totally forgot about the trouble with the tea, and I order a cup of coffee!

 

I was awake for 2 days straight and even now, 4 days later, I am only sleeping maybe 20 mins or so at a time. I have a hard time believing that the caffeine is still affecting me this far out, but it apparently destabilized me, I don't know, I'm too tired to think straight

 

I only have myself to blame and I'm not really that upset with myself, I mean I know I'll be ok, eventually.


I do worry about my memory though ROFL
 

 

otherwise life is good, as good as it can be in this "time of uncertainty"


There's some talk of the Sr Center opening, that's good to hear.

I am busy with some new pet rats and will be rat sitting for 3 mos

I have my sweet kitty keeping me company thru the long sleepless nights, she's just thrilled that I will play with her at 2 am and at 3 am and again at 4 am LOL

 

I still get together about once a week to play cards with some friends and we've had some cooler weather so I'm getting out more to walk, which I really need to do. I put on over 10lbs since March. :P

 

guess that's about it.

 

;)

 

NOTE TO SELF! YOU CAN NOT CONSUME ANY KIND OF STIMULANT!!

 

I wonder what would happen if I were to take, say, a half an ativan? not that I would, mind you, but if caffeine can do this to me, I really do wonder if I'd sleep for like 2 days or what?

a long time ago, I had an Rx for klonopin but rarely took it, and after bouncing around wildly in my dose of lexapro,  some 5-7 years ago, I  think I was actually having a paradoxical effect from the tiny bit of klonopin that I  did take.

 

 

Well I"m not about to find out but I do wonder if I might need to warn my dr, just in case, that I may be extremely drug sensitive.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • April 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
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JackieDecides

it's so hard when caffeine is everywhere and most people don't understand what a big deal it can be to some of us. 

 

I can tolerate some caffeine but have to be mindful of when. and even when I eliminate it completely, I still have occasional insomnia. 

 

so I let myself enjoy it but keep very careful track of what I'm consuming. 

 

I love coffee! the smell, the taste, talking about it.....🥰

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

speaking of caffeine, here is a link to a Terry Gross/Fresh Air interview with Michael Pollan talking about  Caffeine

 

as with all the Fresh Air podcasts, you can read the "highlights" but listening to the entire interview is so much better. 

 

I got off coffee again easily because I am so anxious since the horrible air quality/smoke started last week. I can't even imagine wanting it, frankly. but the craving is bound to come back! 

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

just a short few weeks til I'm 3 years past zero!! 

it hardly seems possible!
 

the time has gone by both very quickly and very slowly, if that makes sense

:P 🤣

 

during the worst of WD recovery, time crept by at a snails pace

but now, a month goes by in the blink of an eye, it seems

I guess this is normal, eh? the bad days seem long, the good ones fly by fast!

 

 

 

I have reached the place where I take my recovery for granted, something I swore I wouldn't do, but had a feeling I might.

I guess this is a good thing...?

but it makes me a little sad that I don't appreciate what I have now, the calm and the ability to fall asleep easily (and sleep a long time,too! recently slept for 10 hrs straight, it was wonderful! I even had some good dreams)

and all the other good things that recovery has brought me.

 

still frustrated with the changes caused by the covid virus, but then, aren't we all?  🤥

it will get better eventually.... 

 

in the meantime, I've got myself an instant pot, best invention ever!! and I am cooking all sorts of neat things, can make a split pea soup in under 10mins! it's awesome!
I put on a few pounds but what the heck!

I am doing some rat sitting and a little sewing

My kitty keeps me company- she is a snuggler and very playful and sweet

 

I get together with friends at least once a week to play cards, that's always fun.

This weekend I went apple picking with some friends. The place was gorgeous! with the fall colors coming in all around and the smell of apples and cinnamon (they were baking apple crisp at the Farm) Got a big pumpkin to carve for the rats to play in (hope to get some good photos to share of that)

 

yep, lots of blessings in my life right now.

 

 

 

how are things in your life?

 

 

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • April 2021, loving life ❤️ 
 
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3 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

just a short few weeks til I'm 3 years past zero!! 

it hardly seems possible!
 

the time has gone by both very quickly and very slowly, if that makes sense

:P 🤣

 

during the worst of WD recovery, time crept by at a snails pace

but now, a month goes by in the blink of an eye, it seems

I guess this is normal, eh? the bad days seem long, the good ones fly by fast!

 

 

 

I have reached the place where I take my recovery for granted, something I swore I wouldn't do, but had a feeling I might.

I guess this is a good thing...?

but it makes me a little sad that I don't appreciate what I have now, the calm and the ability to fall asleep easily (and sleep a long time,too! recently slept for 10 hrs straight, it was wonderful! I even had some good dreams)

and all the other good things that recovery has brought me.

 

still frustrated with the changes caused by the covid virus, but then, aren't we all?  🤥

it will get better eventually.... 

 

in the meantime, I've got myself an instant pot, best invention ever!! and I am cooking all sorts of neat things, can make a split pea soup in under 10mins! it's awesome!
I put on a few pounds but what the heck!

I am doing some rat sitting and a little sewing

My kitty keeps me company- she is a snuggler and very playful and sweet

 

I get together with friends at least once a week to play cards, that's always fun.

This weekend I went apple picking with some friends. The place was gorgeous! with the fall colors coming in all around and the smell of apples and cinnamon (they were baking apple crisp at the Farm) Got a big pumpkin to carve for the rats to play in (hope to get some good photos to share of that)

 

yep, lots of blessings in my life right now.

 

 

 

how are things in your life?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi Happy. I love this post, and it's also relatable in the sense that time goes by a lot quicker when feeling better. Thank you for congratulating me,  I do the same to you but on your 3 year mark instead. Amazing. 

2011-2015: Escitalopram (Cipralex) 20 mg, Voxra 300 mg (quit Voxra in late 2015, no issues)

2016: Started tapering Escitalopram 5 mg at a time, every fourth week

July 24th, 2016: Escitalopram 5 mg

April 2nd, 2017: Quit last dosage (WD worsened a lot)

Ca 6 last months of 2017: Taking Diazepam 15-25 mg irregularly, less than once a month

Ca Dec 2017: Out of Diazepam, i.e free from all prescribed drugs

Now: Still drug free

Supplements: Irregular intake of Omega-3, magnesium, vitamin D.

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I LOVE this post! So full of happiness and hope! It’s contagious...I’ve read it over and over. I’m a person who looks for the simple blessings as you do....A pot of soup, a good night’s sleep, a snuggle with a kitty, picking apples, the safe and comforting smell of apples and cinnamon baking. On the surface they seems like “small” blessings but truly after having been through WD Recovery you understand that they’re really big blessings....To appreciate and enjoy the small, simple things in life is in and of itself a big blessing. Thank you for sharing. I couldn’t be more happy for you. 🐱🍁🍎🎃

1999 Prozac 20 mg for several weeks for situational anxiety. The introduction of the meds caused extreme, catastrophic anxiety. Tried multiple other antidepressants. Could not tolerate any because of low Glutathione levels. Back to Prozac 5 mg....leveled out eventually. Issues in 2010 lead me to try to increase Prozac to 10 mg then 20 mg ...so very difficult to metabolize with decreased Glutathione...Switched to Lexapro 10 mg in 2015 with much difficulty. Started to taper in March of 2019..shaving off dust from the 10 mg pill with a razor blade....Taper, hold, taper, hold all year (very successful) until I thought I could stop at 2.5 mg in August of 2019. Started experiencing withdrawals. Reinstated 2.5 mg of Lexapro to ease withdrawals in liquid form...(again massive anxiety with the re-addition). Tapered completely off November 11, 2019. Using Propranolol as needed. 

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What a wonderful update, H2H!    I am very happy for you.

2010:  Escitalopram (Lexapro) 10 mg.   Mirtazapine (Remeron) 15 mg. 

2011:    Tapered Mirtazapine: 5 month successful taper.  Then tapered Lexapro:  4 month successful taper

May 2011 to August 2017:   No medications, full recovery

September 6, 2017:  started Mirtazapine (Remeron) 15 mg  - due to severe sudden insomnia (I believe caused by statin use)

November 16, 2017:   started Escitalopram (Lexapro) 10 mg

January 1, 2018 to October 30. 2020 -- 34 month taper off of Mirtazapine 15 mg to 0.00 mg

June 16, 2018:  Started slow taper of 10 mg Escitalopram (Lexapro)

Current (mgai):    1.46 mg  Escitalopram

Supplements:  Fish Oil, Curcumin, bio active B vitamins, zinc, magnesium glycinate, Vitamin D, Vitamin C, saffron, citrus bergamot

 

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."  Matthew 6:34

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