Jump to content

Happy2Heal my Victory statement


Recommended Posts

JackieDecides
On 9/29/2020 at 1:54 PM, Happy2Heal said:

just a short few weeks til I'm 3 years past zero!! 

 

congratulations!  as always, you are an inpiration to me.  and the way time passes, both slow and fast, makes sense since covid. I find the days draaaaaag and the months fly by. 

 

 

On 9/29/2020 at 1:54 PM, Happy2Heal said:

I've got myself an instant pot, best invention ever!!

 

I need to find out more about this - I have no personal experience but have heard others rave about it. so, it's the opposite of a slow cooker?  the only thing I've used is a "crockpot" - in fact, I own one but haven't used it in a year - and I'm not even sure if it's the same thing as a "slow cooker". 

 

On 9/29/2020 at 1:54 PM, Happy2Heal said:

but it makes me a little sad that I don't appreciate what I have now

 

yes, apparently we all have to work at that as hard as we can. our brains keep re-setting to say, OK THIS is now normal and we don't recall it used to be worse without putting in some effort. 

 

the last time I'd lived through a smoke season (from wildfires) I swore I'd never take clean air for granted and I kept that up for maybe a year - 2 years later, horrible hazardous smoke conditions here for 10 days and I fell apart. I haven't gotten over it yet. 🙄

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...
  • Replies 504
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Happy2Heal

    218

  • JackieDecides

    90

  • Leo1983

    18

  • Cocopuffz17

    13

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

Mod note:  link to: Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right (Introduction and update topic)   I was just an 18yr old,  a very confused, naive young woman, er no- more of a child, really-

This is absolutely true,  a whole day can be changed simply by  the kind, positive  words of others. The world would be a better place if more were able to acknowledge this.  Take care, We CAN Do

sorry I didn't see this sooner you are very welcome. I remember in the early days of WD/recovery, how very much I needed to hear hopeful stories so I decided at that time, that if were to ma

Hello all!
I hope this finds everyone well or at least well on the way to feeling well ;)

 

I totally forgot to celebrate my 3 year post zero day, it's come and gone and life is moving along, a few rough patches here and there (that's life and probably not anything to do with WD recovery) but mostly things are good, calm, peaceful, and content.

 

I almost wonder, sometimes,  if I am too content. I used the energy that I got from the massive anxiety of WD to push me to do things I probably would never have done otherwise. It literally forced me to grow and to change and to find new ways to do things.

Don't get me wrong, it's wonderful not having that anxiety and dread (and often frank panic and fear) Just Wonderful! 

I hate to add a "but"... SO you know what? I won't.

 

What I will say is that for as bad as WD was, I no longer feel angry that I didn't know about how bad it could be, that we were not warned about how hard these drugs are to get off of. I am grateful that it gave me the opportunity to make some much needed changes in my life.

 

I am making better choices now, about what things and what people I have in my life. I pay more attention to what the outcome is of my choices.

I have one bad habit that still needs work, I confuse being respectful of other people's feelings (and my own) with feeling responsible for them (as well as lapsing into thinking others are responsible for my feelings- they are not!) 

I think maybe it's something a lot of people do? 

 

I see folks on social media attacking others and I think that they are coming from a place of being afraid or angry or sad about things that are happening-  but instead of saying what they feel, they lash out at the people or group of people they think are responsible for what is making them afraid or angry or sad.


It would be so good, I think, if we could all get in touch with our feelings, identify them, acknowledge them, express them and move on to solutions instead of blame.

 

yeh sounds like something out of the mid 60s or early 70's doesn't it? hey that was my generation, what can I say?! 🤣

 

anyway I know I need to keep on top of my feelings, now that I HAVE THEM AGAIN! woot woot! now that I am NO LONGER NUMBED OUT ON DRUGS!

It's messy and it's hard sometimes but it is so much better than not feeling anything or only being vaguely aware of feelings and not able to really connect with them or other people

 

This has opened up a whole new world and life for me and I love it.

 

I just love it.  ❤️ 

 

 

even with covid and losing my job and my super wonderful social life, I've adapted, I'm fine, I'm getting thru it and as it says on many of my t-shirts of the same brand:

LIFE IS GOOD!

 

I hope that life is treating all of you well and that you are on the path to loving yours as well, if not already fully immersed in it.

 

 

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Nov. 2020, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post
Share on other sites
JackieDecides
On 11/20/2020 at 1:20 PM, Happy2Heal said:

I confuse being respectful of other people's feelings (and my own) with feeling responsible for them (as well as lapsing into thinking others are responsible for my feelings- they are not!) 

I think maybe it's something a lot of people do? 

 

most of us - maybe all of us! 

 

 

On 11/20/2020 at 1:20 PM, Happy2Heal said:

It's messy and it's hard sometimes but it is so much better than not feeling anything or only being vaguely aware of feelings and not able to really connect with them or other people

 

 

I'm glad.

 

we really can adjust to a lot of BS including our current situation with covid. I'll bet things get better, if not this winter then next year some time.  and if/when you can go back to work imagine how much you will appreciate it! 

 

 

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Hi happy2heal,

 

Glad to hear you doing so well. 

 

I was wondering if you could let me know how your sleep is going?

Is it relatively normal now? and how was the progression over the years?

 

Thanks :)

6.01.20 - 6.02.20: Seroquel/Quetiapine 25mg

7.02.20 - 13.02.20: Attempted CT ran into extreme rebound insomnia

13.02.20 - 04.07.20Reinstated and holding Seroquel/Quetiapine 13.5mg, 1mg Circadin 

Began Tapering of Seroquel

04.07.20 - Quetiapine 13mg 12.07.20 - Quetiapine 12.5mg 20.07.20 - Quetiapine 12mg 28.07.20 - Quetiapine 11.5mg

02.08.20 - Quetiapine 11.mg 06.08.20 - Quetiapine 10.5mg 10.08.20 - Quetiapine 10mg 15.08.20 Quetiapine 9.5mg

18.08.20 Quetiapine 9mg 23.08.20 Quetiapine 8.5 27.08.20 Quetiapine 8mg 31.08.20 Quetiapine 7.75mg 02.09.20 Quetiapine 7.5mg 06.09.20 Quetiapine 7.25mg 08.09.20 Quetiapine 7mg 12.09.20 Quetiapine 6.75mg 14.09.20 Quetiapine 6.5mg 19.09.20 Quetiapine 6.25mg 21.09.20 Quetiapine 6mg 24.09.20 Quetiapine 5.75mg 01.10.20 Quetiapine 5.5mg 03.10.20 Quetiapine 5.25mg 05.10.2020 Quetiapine 5mg 09.10.2020 Quetiapine 4.75mg 12.10.2020 Quetiapine 4.5mg 14.10.2020 Quetiapine 4.25mg 17.10.2020 Quetiapine 4mg 21.10.2020 Quetiapine 3.75mg 24.10.2020 Quetiapine 3.5mg 1.11.2020 Quetiapine 3 mg 7.11.2020 Quetiapine 2.5 mgs 13.11.2020 Quetiapine 2 mg 16.11.2020 Quetiapine 1.5 mg 20.11.2020 Quetiapine 1.25mg 23.11.2020 Quetiapine 1mg 26.12.2020 Quetiapine 0.75mg 16.01.2020 Quetiapine 0.5mg 17.02.2020 Quetiapine 0.25mg 17.03.2021 Quetiapine 0.125mg 9.04.2021 Quetiapine 0!!!

Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, senseless said:

Hi happy2heal,

 

Glad to hear you doing so well. 

 

I was wondering if you could let me know how your sleep is going?

Is it relatively normal now? and how was the progression over the years?

 

Thanks :)

 

Hi there!

my sleep is pretty darn good for an "older" woman (almost 65) who was on many many medications for over 4 decades, thanks for asking!

(sleep needs decrease as you age, so it's hard to compare how much and how well I sleep now to how I did when I was in my 20's LOL)

I sleep as much as I need to and if I have an off night (not common) I am able to make it up the  next night or take a nap the next day.  


Good sleep was the last thing to really heal, as it seems to be for a lot of folks. 


For me, over the period of withdrawal, it got progressively better rather slowly but I never went back to an earlier period of severe insomnia, 

that is to say, it was always on a positive trend, never went backwards

 

I can't tolerate caffeine at all but that's ok, it's a stimulant and I don't need any of that in my life. I no longer miss the taste of coffee and have some herbal teas that satisfy so it's all good. :)

 

 

I see you're getting off of seroquel, I was on  high doses (300 to 600mgs per day)  of that for a few years.... but at the same time, I was on ADs so when I CTed off the seroquel, the AD may have buffered the WD. I did have an uptick in anxiety and I did have trouble falling asleep for awhile but that didn't last too long.  

for me, the lexapro was the hardest to get off of.

 

I hope that your recovery goes smoothly and that you're *living your best life* :)  soon!! 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Nov. 2020, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Moderator

Just wanted to thank you  : thank you for bringing light, for offering positivity, for showing us healing ❤️

Healing news are so important in our community, I'm really glad you kindly took the time to let us know !

And you just offered me a nice smile and a new feeling of hope !

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

April 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :  7mg Fluoxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

+ 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

(Toothpick Paroxetine from September 2020 to 17th March 2021)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...
On 12/4/2020 at 11:31 AM, Erell said:

Just wanted to thank you  : thank you for bringing light, for offering positivity, for showing us healing ❤️

Healing news are so important in our community, I'm really glad you kindly took the time to let us know !

And you just offered me a nice smile and a new feeling of hope !

sorry I didn't see this sooner

you are very welcome.

I remember in the early days of WD/recovery, how very much I needed to hear hopeful stories so I decided at that time, that if were to make it out the other side ok, I would make sure I stuck around to let ppl know that there IS a light at the end of that very long very dark tunnel.

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Nov. 2020, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...
Happy2Heal

Happy New Year a few weeks late!

 

things are going well.... but I've noticed some little things that have changed and I wonder now if I had extremely mild WD/recovery symptoms off and on even since feeing totally healed....

 

For instance, I can no only tolerate being alone, I now feel like I need alone time, which is the way I was  I am before WD way back in 2015 or so.

But when acute WD hit, I really could not tolerate being alone, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because that forced me to get something I'd never had: a social life ROFL

 

now, with covid and all, that social life is mostly gone, and I had a hard time adjusting and accepting it, but lately, I have actually preferred being home and working on hobbies and spending time with my pets and cooking and stuff. I have invites to play cards with a few select folks (our "pod") but often prefer to stay home.


I will enjoy going to the Sr Center when it finally re opens but I don't think I'll go back to working there 5 days a week. 

I will be 65 soon and will be able to audit some college classes for free, looking forward to that!

 

in general, I am still enjoying my life very much.

 

Grateful for the mild winter we're having and so many other things...

 

I quit therapy and that was a good decision.

I quit wanting some people in my life to be different, to change, and that was a super good thing to do LOL 
I have to remind myself the only person I can change is ME

I either decide to accept ppl as they are or I don't, and then move on.

 

none of that is related to WD though. 

 

 

sadly, I did not win the recent MEGA million lottery however I did get a free ticket and enjoyed imagining what I would do with all that money so it's a win-win if you ask you me 😂

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Nov. 2020, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post
Share on other sites
JackieDecides
11 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

in general, I am still enjoying my life very much.

 

I'm glad things are going well.  will you be getting the covid vaccine?

 

I just had my second shot this past week and now I have no excuse not to start job hunting again which I dread, but I really need a new job and that will mean relocating again.

 

but Spring is coming! 

 

 

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Happy2Heal
33 minutes ago, JackieDecides said:

 

I'm glad things are going well.  will you be getting the covid vaccine?

 

I just had my second shot this past week and now I have no excuse not to start job hunting again which I dread, but I really need a new job and that will mean relocating again.

 

but Spring is coming! 

 

 

so good to hear from you Jackie!

 

I'll get the vaccine when it's my turn, but I missed the cut off for the current phase, you have to be 65 and I wont' be 65 til Feb 1st :P

 

the wait list is very long, ppl who are 65 and up,  are being scheduled out into late March and beyond. :( Not enough vaccine and not enough ppl to give the shots. 

 

oh  a new job, how exciting!! have you found an area that you'd like to live in?  

 

Yes spring is coming!! Looking forward to it!

I have gotten a bit chubby during the "lockdown" :P one thing about working every day at the Sr Center, I got out 5 days a week. I wasn't always happy about it, but it was good for my waistline, that's for sure. 

Now I'm a slug. I just don't move around much in the winter 🙄

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Nov. 2020, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post
Share on other sites
Happy2Heal

double post (?) :(

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Nov. 2020, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Moderator
getofflex

@Happy2HealI have read your success story.  I may have read it and responded in the past, but I'm still in significant WD, and my memory is not good.  You are a real inspiration to me!  I, too, am in your age group, and was on AD's 15 years when I decided to get off.  I'm now 98.7% off of them, and still having issues.  So, I come here to read success stories to encourage me and give me hope.  Yours gave me such hope!  It's tempting to worry that I will never recover during the bad times.  I believe this Lexapro is especially nasty stuff - I've heard too many bad stories about it.  Keep up the good work!  Jennifer 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 02 - 10 mg;  Apr 2 20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10 

Trazodone.  used 50 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, stopped

Xanax. used 0.5 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, stopped

Benadryl 50 mg, Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, multivitamin, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 3 mg, calcium

Link to post
Share on other sites
Happy2Heal
37 minutes ago, getofflex said:

@Happy2HealI have read your success story.  I may have read it and responded in the past, but I'm still in significant WD, and my memory is not good.  You are a real inspiration to me!  I, too, am in your age group, and was on AD's 15 years when I decided to get off.  I'm now 98.7% off of them, and still having issues.  So, I come here to read success stories to encourage me and give me hope.  Yours gave me such hope!  It's tempting to worry that I will never recover during the bad times.  I believe this Lexapro is especially nasty stuff - I've heard too many bad stories about it.  Keep up the good work!  Jennifer 

Hi @getofflex

 

I think maybe you have, my memory isn't great either LOL it's that older age thing I guess 

 

yes I have been on dozens of different drugs spanning 4 decades+ 

and lexapro was hands down the most difficult one to get off of-

BUT it most definitely can be done :)

 

 

 

I had those dark days when I thought I might be doomed, that I wouldn't fully recover (although for some reason I was always sure I'd recover to a point)  and now here I am....

and it's great.

 

You'll make it too. and I will celebrate with you and for you when you write your success story!! 🌞

 

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Nov. 2020, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Moderator
getofflex

@Happy2Healthank you for your kind words!  Your support means a lot, because no one in my real life gets this at all.  But that's OK I don't think you could understand it unless you went through it. 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 02 - 10 mg;  Apr 2 20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10 

Trazodone.  used 50 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, stopped

Xanax. used 0.5 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, stopped

Benadryl 50 mg, Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, multivitamin, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 3 mg, calcium

Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

lexapro was hands down the most difficult one to get off of-

@Happy2Heal This is what I've been reading on this site. I have just recently started my BMS taper.....I don't know what the future holds for my symptoms, but I am very thankful there are other people that "get me" and are going through (or have been through) the same thing! 

2005-2017 started on AD for sleep then on and off Paxil, Zoloft, Lexapro, and others that I can't remember

2017 Lexapro 10 mg

2018 Jan-Tried getting off lexapro. (within about a 4-6 week period) 

2018 March- Got back on Lexapro 10mg

2018 June Switched to Wellbutrin. (don't remember dosage)

2018 August Switched to Sertraline. 25 mg, 50, 75, then back down to 50 

2019 December...back on Sertraline 25 mg 

2020 January-switched back to Escitalopram 5 mg

2020 March-December Escitalopram 10 mg

2021 Jan-started BMS taper w/2 wk hold (using liquid form)

2021 March 7.97mg

Occasionally .25mg Melatonin (as needed)

Link to post
Share on other sites
JackieDecides
On 1/25/2021 at 7:32 AM, Happy2Heal said:

oh  a new job, how exciting!! have you found an area that you'd like to live in?  

I'd like to live in a desert climate, but the jobs are west of here where it's even cloudier! well, I lived through last winter and I guess I will make it through this one so I can do it, it's just not ideal. 

 

On 1/25/2021 at 7:32 AM, Happy2Heal said:

I have gotten a bit chubby during the "lockdown" :P one thing about working every day at the Sr Center, I got out 5 days a week. 

you are not alone! I heard someone call it the "covid 15" and I got it, too. I just recently got off sugar (again) and stopped gaining. 

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
JackieDecides
On 1/25/2021 at 8:12 AM, getofflex said:

 I'm now 98.7% off of them, and still having issues.

I don't understand how it works, but reductions at low doses are much worse than at higher doses. somehow! so don't be discouraged. the last part is the hardest! 

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Cocopuffz17
14 minutes ago, JackieDecides said:

I don't understand how it works, but reductions at low doses are much worse than at higher doses. somehow! so don't be discouraged. the last part is the hardest! 

The occupancy rate it much higher at the lower mg. So you are dropping lower amounts but changing more in your neurotransmitter. This is why 10 mg and below are the hardest. Check out neurotransmitter occupancy rates for paxil. It should show the curve for mg to %occupancy. 

I follow The Plant Paradox lifestyle by Dr.Gundry. This lifestyle has given me my life back and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. It has enabled me to finally get off of this medication and truly live my life. Nutrition is the key to health!!!!! 

2008 to 2019  - 20 mg Paroxetine

Attempted 2 CT's around the 5-6 year mark. Were absolutely terrible and reinstated. Was never explained by the doctor the seriousness of the short half life of this drug. 

2017 - Attempted a tapered discontinuation of this drug and reinstated after being unsuccessful.

2019 - Feb. 12 - After a three month taper I am off of paroxetine. The 3 months were terrible, awful withdrawal feelings. I followed the doctors guidelines for the reduction of this drug and now know it was way too fast. 
2019 - Oct. 12 - 8 months off paroxetine. 75% improvement since coming off the drug. Definitely have had tons of challenges along the way. Let’s go!!!! 

2021 - Feb. 12 - 24 months off paroxetine. I have minor challenges now. Tinnitus/Headaches are still around but are reduced by a massive amount. 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...

Happy, thanks for coming back and giving us your awesome updates. I was humming along with taper, managing my symptoms pretty well until

about three weeks ago, due to life stressors, I think, I am now back in that horrible withdrawal place. I’ve been reading success stories to give me hope. Your story definitely does. Thank you!

1998-2015 Zoloft. 100mg

6/21/19 5.05 mg

9/6/19 4.8 mg

4/24/20 4.57 mg

Supplements: Natural Calm magnesium 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
Happy2Heal
On 2/20/2021 at 2:18 PM, Believer said:

Happy, thanks for coming back and giving us your awesome updates. I was humming along with taper, managing my symptoms pretty well until

about three weeks ago, due to life stressors, I think, I am now back in that horrible withdrawal place. I’ve been reading success stories to give me hope. Your story definitely does. Thank you!

hi there Believer

so sorry you hit a rough patch!! how are you doing now?

it's a long journey to be sure

 

I hope that you're feeling a lot better now!
 

spring is just around the corner

:)

it always lifts my spirits, I hope it does yours as well

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Nov. 2020, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post
Share on other sites
JackieDecides
On 3/4/2021 at 4:02 PM, Happy2Heal said:

spring is just around the corner

 

here in Oregon it feels like Spring already, even if we do end up getting more cold or snow. daffodils are coming up, even if they haven't bloomed yet they are close. 

 

the days getting longer is such a relief! 

Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

@Happy2Heal

Your Signature is like, WOW!

Cold turkeyed risperidone (1m.g)and trihexyphenidyl combination drug out of ignorance,In August 2016 after one month use.

Withdrawal symptoms settled at dreamful,disturbing sleep.

Thus introduced to olanzapine for sleep.Started using olanzapine out of ignorance.

Tapering olanzapine 10 m.g from February 2017.

May 2018 :Still suffering dreams,Still tapering olanzapine at 0.625.100ml water+2.5 mg olanzapine. June 2018 22.5ml=0.57mg.July 2018 20ml,August 2018-17.5ml,September 2018-15ml,October 2018 10 ml,December 2018 7 ml, BrassMonkey slide method so far at lower doses.2 nd December cold turkeyed , only to reach minure doses as reinstatement to cutshort endless tapering process.4rth December started 1ml.

Almost no symptoms and sleep is better,So started 0.5 ml from 17-12-2018.

"0"from31-12-18.Re birth happened from 10- 2020,as rejuvenation took whole2019.Completely recovered now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Happy2Heal

 

Congratulations on being free from drugs after all those years and I'm pleased to read that you're living well!

 

I saw elsewhere on the site that you had a problem with physical exertion giving you a night of insomnia. I currently have the same! I'm hoping you might have some words of encouragement for me as it's a real worry.

 

Are you able to live your life normally and not worry about this now? How long did this problem last for you? I'm sorry if you've talked about this elsewhere and I've not seen it.

 

Like you, I've had dreadful insomnia in WD and there must be a connection between extreme fatigue and this struggle with physical exertion now. And by exertion I just mean walking for more than 10 minutes!

 

I have a young family so this isn't a situation that we can easily manage. I'm not sure what to do. Were you able to gradually increase your activity levels or perhaps it was more the passing of time, like so much of this? 

 

I hope to hear from you as your experience most closely resembles my own.

 

Thank you

Ripley

▪︎2000 - Seroxat (25mg?) 6 months C/T

▪︎2015 - 7.5mg Zopiclone 1 month C/T

▪︎ 2016 - 2018 - Diazapam and Phenergan occasionally

▪︎2017 June to Oct - Mirtazapine 7.5mg C/T

▪︎2018 April - 2019 Oct Mirtazapine 7.5mg tapered to 1.5mg.

▪︎2019 October - Mirtazapine 1.5mg (Skipped alternate doses on doctor's advice then stopped - Insomnia.) Phenergan

▪︎2020 Jan 6th - Mirtazapine 1.5mg

▪︎2020 Jan 13th - Mirtazapine 7.5mg

▪︎2020 - Feb - May, holding 7.5mg

▪︎2020 1st June, 7.35mg. 27 June, 7.2mg. 7 July, 7.05mg. 18 July, 6.9mg. 28 July, 6.75mg. 27 Aug, 6.6mg. 7 Sep, 6.45mg. 17 Sep, 6.6mg. Holding

 

Fish oil and vitamin E capsules.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi @Happy2Heal

 

Congratulations on being free from drugs after all those years and I'm pleased to read that you're living well!

 

I saw elsewhere on the site that you had a problem with physical exertion giving you a night of insomnia. I currently have the same! I'm hoping you might have some words of encouragement for me as it's a real worry.

 

Are you able to live your life normally and not worry about this now? How long did this problem last for you? I'm sorry if you've talked about this elsewhere and I've not seen it.

 

Like you, I've had dreadful insomnia in WD and there must be a connection between extreme fatigue and this struggle with physical exertion now. And by exertion I just mean walking for more than 10 minutes!

 

I have a young family so this isn't a situation that we can easily manage. I'm not sure what to do. Were you able to gradually increase your activity levels or perhaps it was more the passing of time, like so much of this? 

 

I hope to hear from you as your experience most closely resembles my own.

 

Thank you

Ripley

▪︎2000 - Seroxat (25mg?) 6 months C/T

▪︎2015 - 7.5mg Zopiclone 1 month C/T

▪︎ 2016 - 2018 - Diazapam and Phenergan occasionally

▪︎2017 June to Oct - Mirtazapine 7.5mg C/T

▪︎2018 April - 2019 Oct Mirtazapine 7.5mg tapered to 1.5mg.

▪︎2019 October - Mirtazapine 1.5mg (Skipped alternate doses on doctor's advice then stopped - Insomnia.) Phenergan

▪︎2020 Jan 6th - Mirtazapine 1.5mg

▪︎2020 Jan 13th - Mirtazapine 7.5mg

▪︎2020 - Feb - May, holding 7.5mg

▪︎2020 1st June, 7.35mg. 27 June, 7.2mg. 7 July, 7.05mg. 18 July, 6.9mg. 28 July, 6.75mg. 27 Aug, 6.6mg. 7 Sep, 6.45mg. 17 Sep, 6.6mg. Holding

 

Fish oil and vitamin E capsules.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Happy2Heal
46 minutes ago, Ripley said:

Hi @Happy2Heal

 

Congratulations on being free from drugs after all those years and I'm pleased to read that you're living well!

 

I saw elsewhere on the site that you had a problem with physical exertion giving you a night of insomnia. I currently have the same! I'm hoping you might have some words of encouragement for me as it's a real worry.

 

Are you able to live your life normally and not worry about this now? How long did this problem last for you? I'm sorry if you've talked about this elsewhere and I've not seen it.

 

Like you, I've had dreadful insomnia in WD and there must be a connection between extreme fatigue and this struggle with physical exertion now. And by exertion I just mean walking for more than 10 minutes!

 

I have a young family so this isn't a situation that we can easily manage. I'm not sure what to do. Were you able to gradually increase your activity levels or perhaps it was more the passing of time, like so much of this? 

 

I hope to hear from you as your experience most closely resembles my own.

 

Thank you

Ripley

Hi @Ripley 

so sorry to hear you're having these difficulties, esp with a young family. that's tough!

 

I am able to live mostly normally (it's hard to say for certain, as I'm much older now and probably have issues related to aging, being that I'm 65 now and was 18 when I was first drugged/medicated)

 

I was always able to do some walking (up to half an hour a day) What I had a problem with was aerobic exercise, the kind that raises your heart rate, you know? It seemed silly to me because I had so much anxiety my heart rate was up from that, but if I purposely raised my heart rate by walking fast on a treadmill or the like, I would have some difficulty getting to sleep that night


I did find that doing any kind of physical exertion before noon made it less likely to cause insomnia that evening.

 

I honestly can't recall how long this went on, for me everything gradually got better, so slowly sometimes that i I hardly  even noticed when things were getting better.

One day I would just be like, oh wow, I haven't woken up in the middle of the night for a while now, this is great!

that kind of thing.

 

What I did notice early on is that as much as I hated the insomnia, it didn't really have a huge effect on me during the day. I was mostly able to go about my business and not feel sleepy etc. 

 

I did a LOT of self care, which for me was taking it easy as much as possible. I was able to nap sometimes during the day and feel that was a good thing for me to do, to avoid becoming over tired
I Don't know if that might help you?

I know some folks can't sleep if they nap during the day. Mine were short naps, generally 20 mins, sometimes as much as an hour

 

I can assure you, the insomnia does go away! I am now able to over sleep,  I'm able to go back to sleep easily if I wake up in the middle of the night and I often fall asleep when I'd rather be up (which fascinates me more than annoys me)
there was a time when I thought I'd never need an alarm clock again, because I was wide awake so much of the time, and would wake up super early and not be able to get back to sleep.


I did use some meditation recordings that helped sometimes, and I did listen to podcasts ( I prefer soothing voices to music, too many memories attached to most music) I basically thru trial and error, figured out what worked for me

This would change over time, for example, relaxation tapes stopped helping so I tried something else.

 

You're going to be ok. BE kind and gentle with yourself

You should see improvements or maybe like me, you wont' notice them at first because they are small, but rest assured they are happening.

try to focus on the things that are going well, it really does help, I think.

even if it doesnt' help, it never hurts to think of pleasant things

 

maybe some friends or family can step up and give you a hand sometimes, You dont' need to tell them what you are going thru, if you don't want to, you could just say you've hit a rough patch or had a bad intestinal bug or some such thing and ask for a bit of help.

 

People enjoy helping others, it makes them feel good. So don't be shy about asking if you need to.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Just took a quick peek at your thread, oh I had the regrets too! plz try not to waste too much time on that, it only upsets your fragile nervous system more. ok? 

I would have had a much easier time if I'd tapered properly I'm sure, but I made mistakes and I suffered for them

I didnt' need to add to my suffering by beating myself up about it, you know?

 

I hope that you sleep well tonight! 

gentle hugs

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Nov. 2020, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you @Happy2Heal for taking the time to write such a kind response. I appreciate it.

 

Are you able to tolerate aerobic exercise now and raising your heart rate without insomnia? 

 

All the best,

Ripley x

▪︎2000 - Seroxat (25mg?) 6 months C/T

▪︎2015 - 7.5mg Zopiclone 1 month C/T

▪︎ 2016 - 2018 - Diazapam and Phenergan occasionally

▪︎2017 June to Oct - Mirtazapine 7.5mg C/T

▪︎2018 April - 2019 Oct Mirtazapine 7.5mg tapered to 1.5mg.

▪︎2019 October - Mirtazapine 1.5mg (Skipped alternate doses on doctor's advice then stopped - Insomnia.) Phenergan

▪︎2020 Jan 6th - Mirtazapine 1.5mg

▪︎2020 Jan 13th - Mirtazapine 7.5mg

▪︎2020 - Feb - May, holding 7.5mg

▪︎2020 1st June, 7.35mg. 27 June, 7.2mg. 7 July, 7.05mg. 18 July, 6.9mg. 28 July, 6.75mg. 27 Aug, 6.6mg. 7 Sep, 6.45mg. 17 Sep, 6.6mg. Holding

 

Fish oil and vitamin E capsules.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Happy2Heal
17 minutes ago, Ripley said:

Thank you @Happy2Heal for taking the time to write such a kind response. I appreciate it.

 

Are you able to tolerate aerobic exercise now and raising your heart rate without insomnia? 

 

All the best,

Ripley x

you're very welcome

 

hmm I'm not sure, since the pandemic I've  not had access to the fitness class I used to attend and with bad knees, I'm not able to walk fast enough to get my heart rate up :P


 

when I was last able to do aerobic exercise, I did still need to limit it to before noon or it could affect my sleep but not with insomnia, It would just be harder for me to wind down at night, whereas normally I am too sleepy to stay awake. But once I was asleep I slept well and in fact may have had deeper more restful sleep


I would notice having trouble falling asleep because that was almost never an issue for me- I'd be able to get to sleep but would not sleep for long.

 

I am about 3 yrs out from zero however I did a very bad taper, having gone on and off the lexapro multiple times in a short period of time as you can see from my signature. So I do think it's reasonable that I might be still quite sensitive to things, but not to the point of going back to acute WD

I just might rock the boat a bit for a day or two if I were to say, drink coffee, which I dont even attempt to do anymore. I'm caffeine free now and it's working great for me,  I don't miss it at all!!

 

Generally I sleep the best, even now, if I am able to get out and walk in the morning. I can still walk in the afternoon or later but I try my best not to do anything strenuous too close to bedtime, or even dinner time, because it can throw things off a bit. But only just a bit, and only very temporarily. and generally it just means I have a harder time getting to sleep but sleep well once I've fallen to sleep

 

the thing that will still mess me up, to be honest, is worrying about things being bad, or when things are not great, worrying that they won't get better fast enough (or ever, if I'm in a catastrophizing mood :P) 
It's easy to get anxious about it because  we remember how bad things could be in early WD but we just have to keep "talking ourselves down" so to speak

 

I hope this doesn't make it sound like WD recovery is going to be a lot of work even once you're completely off the drug,

it's not really, I think I think I just learned to respect my body a lot more and listen to it, and do what works the best 

and really, if I had done that in the first place so many decades ago....

but that's water under the bridge now (or over the dam or whatever the proper saying is LOL I'm not sure)

 

I've gained some wt and need to get out and do some exercise but I'm waiting for less windy weather

I will def update with what happens when I *do* get out and get moving some more


I anticipate that my sleep will be deeper and more restorative, to be honest, and as long as I don't over do it, I really think I'll be fine

 


Just as an aside, I have discovered and this is actually backed up by science, if you've got the time to google sleep and wake cycles and depression etc as treatment for both depression and mania

 

I have found that pulling an "all nighter|"- that is, intentionally staying up all night, has done wonders for me any time I've fallen into a funk. I hesitate to use the word depression because it's been so overused. But if I've been down for a few days and do this, it immediately  lifts my mood.  

 

I hope I've been able to help. let me know how you go ok?

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Nov. 2020, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi @Happy2Heal

 

Gosh, I know for sure I won't intentionally pull an all-nighter after all the unintentional ones I've had! But it's interesting you find that it lifts your mood!

 

You make some interesting points and I do agree that worry compounds the problem. It can be hard to stop it though.

 

I'll be interested in how you get along with exercise when you're able to do it again and I'll let you know if I have some improvement! I can also imagine never having caffeine again or alcohol for that matter as I wouldn't want to risk upsetting the apple cart again.

 

Rx

▪︎2000 - Seroxat (25mg?) 6 months C/T

▪︎2015 - 7.5mg Zopiclone 1 month C/T

▪︎ 2016 - 2018 - Diazapam and Phenergan occasionally

▪︎2017 June to Oct - Mirtazapine 7.5mg C/T

▪︎2018 April - 2019 Oct Mirtazapine 7.5mg tapered to 1.5mg.

▪︎2019 October - Mirtazapine 1.5mg (Skipped alternate doses on doctor's advice then stopped - Insomnia.) Phenergan

▪︎2020 Jan 6th - Mirtazapine 1.5mg

▪︎2020 Jan 13th - Mirtazapine 7.5mg

▪︎2020 - Feb - May, holding 7.5mg

▪︎2020 1st June, 7.35mg. 27 June, 7.2mg. 7 July, 7.05mg. 18 July, 6.9mg. 28 July, 6.75mg. 27 Aug, 6.6mg. 7 Sep, 6.45mg. 17 Sep, 6.6mg. Holding

 

Fish oil and vitamin E capsules.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Thelongestroadhome

Hi @Happy2Heal

i just wanted to stop by and say Thank You! Your words of encouragement during my own journey withdrawing from lexapro were much appreciated. Sometimes I don’t think people realise how just a few positive words can make such a positive impact on someone’s day. I am so happy to hear that you are doing well ❤️🙏

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
Happy2Heal
On 3/23/2021 at 2:38 AM, Thelongestroadhome said:

Hi @Happy2Heal

i just wanted to stop by and say Thank You! Your words of encouragement during my own journey withdrawing from lexapro were much appreciated. Sometimes I don’t think people realise how just a few positive words can make such a positive impact on someone’s day. I am so happy to hear that you are doing well ❤️🙏

you are very welcome! how are you doing now?

I must hop on over to your thread and see

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Nov. 2020, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post
Share on other sites
Katy398
1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

Sometimes I don’t think people realise how just a few positive words can make such a positive impact on someone’s day.

This is absolutely true,  a whole day can be changed simply by  the kind, positive  words of others. The world would be a better place if more were able to acknowledge this. 

Take care, We CAN Do This! 

 

Lexapro Fast Track/ Cold Turkey

Last dose end Dec 2018 

Tapered 1/2 a daily dose a week (20mg) for  14 weeks, last dose was a 20 mg pill!!  

 3.5 times slower than Psychiatrist recommended, I felt proud of myself!! Little did I know!!!!Got too scared to reinstate because I’d left it too long.

On ADs for 20 years (Prozac approx 10 years/ Pristiq approx 3 years/ Citalipram approx 2 years/. Lexapro a approx  5 years/. Last two years 40mgs Lexapro day.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Happy2Heal

just a little note that while recovery is wonderful, real life has it's up and downs and I've hit a bit of a downturn.

 

like everything else in life, this too shall pass

 

 

in the meantime I'm pretty discouraged and trying to remember how to float thru the bad parts 

 

actually, in all honesty, today I am too exhausted by pain (physical and emotional) to even try to think of what to do

so I think I will wallow for today

and idk, maybe take a nap 

 

 

 

some days you just cant' force yourself to put on a happy face I guess  🥴

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Nov. 2020, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post
Share on other sites
Thelongestroadhome
8 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

just a little note that while recovery is wonderful, real life has it's up and downs and I've hit a bit of a downturn.

 

like everything else in life, this too shall pass

 

 

in the meantime I'm pretty discouraged and trying to remember how to float thru the bad parts 

 

actually, in all honesty, today I am too exhausted by pain (physical and emotional) to even try to think of what to do

so I think I will wallow for today

and idk, maybe take a nap 

 

 

 

some days you just cant' force yourself to put on a happy face I guess  🥴

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is life and honesty is important. People would like to think that healing from these drugs means a life of utopia but that’s not true. We still have good and bad days. 
Take care 🙏❤️

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Cocopuffz17
8 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

actually, in all honesty, today I am too exhausted by pain (physical and emotional) to even try to think of what to do

so I think I will wallow for today

and idk, maybe take a nap 

 

 

 

some days you just cant' force yourself to put on a happy face I guess  🥴

 

These days come. I did exactly what you are doing, just relax and rest. The next day will be better :) 

I follow The Plant Paradox lifestyle by Dr.Gundry. This lifestyle has given me my life back and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. It has enabled me to finally get off of this medication and truly live my life. Nutrition is the key to health!!!!! 

2008 to 2019  - 20 mg Paroxetine

Attempted 2 CT's around the 5-6 year mark. Were absolutely terrible and reinstated. Was never explained by the doctor the seriousness of the short half life of this drug. 

2017 - Attempted a tapered discontinuation of this drug and reinstated after being unsuccessful.

2019 - Feb. 12 - After a three month taper I am off of paroxetine. The 3 months were terrible, awful withdrawal feelings. I followed the doctors guidelines for the reduction of this drug and now know it was way too fast. 
2019 - Oct. 12 - 8 months off paroxetine. 75% improvement since coming off the drug. Definitely have had tons of challenges along the way. Let’s go!!!! 

2021 - Feb. 12 - 24 months off paroxetine. I have minor challenges now. Tinnitus/Headaches are still around but are reduced by a massive amount. 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Mentor
FarmGirlWorks

@Happy2Heal, well put:

On 4/2/2021 at 9:05 AM, Happy2Heal said:

some days you just cant' force yourself to put on a happy face I guess

 

It is so true. Me too the last week or so. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other no matter how slowly. I hope your days get brighter and brighter.

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Happy2Heal

thanks guys

 

been up and down the past couple of weeks but overall not bad

I am just listening to my body and resting when needed, trying to stay busy to give myself a feeling of accomplishment which helps ward off feeling down

 

I did get the covid vaccine on the 6th, it went well but did feel a bit dizzy and out of it for maybe 48 hrs

 

Since then I have noticed that my days start out with me feeling some doom and gloom, not wanting to get up, and feeling just blah til around noon, when I start to get some motivation and feel lighter and better

 

that's the pattern of symptoms I had during recovery so it's possible that the covid shot has caused a tiny tiny TINY bit of a wave, but I'm not stressed about it

I was ready for whatever happened and i"m just taking it easy

 

feeling good that I got the vaccine, hoping enough folks get it so we can get back to something more like "normal" whatever that may mean lol

 

best wishes to you all

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
  • Nov. 2020, loving life ❤️ 
 
Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy