Happy2Heal my Victory statement

[Happy2Heal]

8 hours ago, senseless said:

Hi happy2heal,

 

Glad to hear you doing so well. 

 

I was wondering if you could let me know how your sleep is going?

Is it relatively normal now? and how was the progression over the years?

 

Thanks

 

Hi there!

my sleep is pretty darn good for an "older" woman (almost 65) who was on many many medications for over 4 decades, thanks for asking!

(sleep needs decrease as you age, so it's hard to compare how much and how well I sleep now to how I did when I was in my 20's LOL)

I sleep as much as I need to and if I have an off night (not common) I am able to make it up the  next night or take a nap the next day.  

Good sleep was the last thing to really heal, as it seems to be for a lot of folks. 

For me, over the period of withdrawal, it got progressively better rather slowly but I never went back to an earlier period of severe insomnia, 

that is to say, it was always on a positive trend, never went backwards

 

I can't tolerate caffeine at all but that's ok, it's a stimulant and I don't need any of that in my life. I no longer miss the taste of coffee and have some herbal teas that satisfy so it's all good.

 

 

I see you're getting off of seroquel, I was on  high doses (300 to 600mgs per day)  of that for a few years.... but at the same time, I was on ADs so when I CTed off the seroquel, the AD may have buffered the WD. I did have an uptick in anxiety and I did have trouble falling asleep for awhile but that didn't last too long.  

for me, the lexapro was the hardest to get off of.

 

I hope that your recovery goes smoothly and that you're *living your best life*   soon!! 

[Erell]

Just wanted to thank you  : thank you for bringing light, for offering positivity, for showing us healing ❤️

Healing news are so important in our community, I'm really glad you kindly took the time to let us know !

And you just offered me a nice smile and a new feeling of hope !

[Happy2Heal]

On 12/4/2020 at 11:31 AM, Erell said:

Just wanted to thank you  : thank you for bringing light, for offering positivity, for showing us healing ❤️

Healing news are so important in our community, I'm really glad you kindly took the time to let us know !

And you just offered me a nice smile and a new feeling of hope !

sorry I didn't see this sooner

you are very welcome.

I remember in the early days of WD/recovery, how very much I needed to hear hopeful stories so I decided at that time, that if were to make it out the other side ok, I would make sure I stuck around to let ppl know that there IS a light at the end of that very long very dark tunnel.

 

[Happy2Heal]

Happy New Year a few weeks late!

 

things are going well.... but I've noticed some little things that have changed and I wonder now if I had extremely mild WD/recovery symptoms off and on even since feeing totally healed....

 

For instance, I can no only tolerate being alone, I now feel like I need alone time, which is the way I was  I am before WD way back in 2015 or so.

But when acute WD hit, I really could not tolerate being alone, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because that forced me to get something I'd never had: a social life ROFL

 

now, with covid and all, that social life is mostly gone, and I had a hard time adjusting and accepting it, but lately, I have actually preferred being home and working on hobbies and spending time with my pets and cooking and stuff. I have invites to play cards with a few select folks (our "pod") but often prefer to stay home.

I will enjoy going to the Sr Center when it finally re opens but I don't think I'll go back to working there 5 days a week. 

I will be 65 soon and will be able to audit some college classes for free, looking forward to that!

 

in general, I am still enjoying my life very much.

 

Grateful for the mild winter we're having and so many other things...

 

I quit therapy and that was a good decision.

I quit wanting some people in my life to be different, to change, and that was a super good thing to do LOL 
I have to remind myself the only person I can change is ME

I either decide to accept ppl as they are or I don't, and then move on.

 

none of that is related to WD though. 

 

 

sadly, I did not win the recent MEGA million lottery however I did get a free ticket and enjoyed imagining what I would do with all that money so it's a win-win if you ask you me 😂

 

 

 

[JackieDecides]

11 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

in general, I am still enjoying my life very much.

 

I'm glad things are going well.  will you be getting the covid vaccine?

 

I just had my second shot this past week and now I have no excuse not to start job hunting again which I dread, but I really need a new job and that will mean relocating again.

 

but Spring is coming! 

 

 

[Happy2Heal]

33 minutes ago, JackieDecides said:

 

I'm glad things are going well.  will you be getting the covid vaccine?

 

I just had my second shot this past week and now I have no excuse not to start job hunting again which I dread, but I really need a new job and that will mean relocating again.

 

but Spring is coming! 

 

 

so good to hear from you Jackie!

 

I'll get the vaccine when it's my turn, but I missed the cut off for the current phase, you have to be 65 and I wont' be 65 til Feb 1st

 

the wait list is very long, ppl who are 65 and up,  are being scheduled out into late March and beyond.  Not enough vaccine and not enough ppl to give the shots. 

 

oh  a new job, how exciting!! have you found an area that you'd like to live in?  

 

Yes spring is coming!! Looking forward to it!

I have gotten a bit chubby during the "lockdown"  one thing about working every day at the Sr Center, I got out 5 days a week. I wasn't always happy about it, but it was good for my waistline, that's for sure. 

Now I'm a slug. I just don't move around much in the winter 🙄

 

 

[Happy2Heal]

double post (?)

 

[getofflex]

@Happy2HealI have read your success story.  I may have read it and responded in the past, but I'm still in significant WD, and my memory is not good.  You are a real inspiration to me!  I, too, am in your age group, and was on AD's 15 years when I decided to get off.  I'm now 98.7% off of them, and still having issues.  So, I come here to read success stories to encourage me and give me hope.  Yours gave me such hope!  It's tempting to worry that I will never recover during the bad times.  I believe this Lexapro is especially nasty stuff - I've heard too many bad stories about it.  Keep up the good work!  Jennifer 

[Happy2Heal]

37 minutes ago, getofflex said:

@Happy2HealI have read your success story.  I may have read it and responded in the past, but I'm still in significant WD, and my memory is not good.  You are a real inspiration to me!  I, too, am in your age group, and was on AD's 15 years when I decided to get off.  I'm now 98.7% off of them, and still having issues.  So, I come here to read success stories to encourage me and give me hope.  Yours gave me such hope!  It's tempting to worry that I will never recover during the bad times.  I believe this Lexapro is especially nasty stuff - I've heard too many bad stories about it.  Keep up the good work!  Jennifer 

Hi @getofflex

 

I think maybe you have, my memory isn't great either LOL it's that older age thing I guess 

 

yes I have been on dozens of different drugs spanning 4 decades+ 

and lexapro was hands down the most difficult one to get off of-

BUT it most definitely can be done

 

 

 

I had those dark days when I thought I might be doomed, that I wouldn't fully recover (although for some reason I was always sure I'd recover to a point)  and now here I am....

and it's great.

 

You'll make it too. and I will celebrate with you and for you when you write your success story!! 🌞

 

 

 

 

[getofflex]

@Happy2Healthank you for your kind words!  Your support means a lot, because no one in my real life gets this at all.  But that's OK I don't think you could understand it unless you went through it. 

[Krisseyb]

4 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

lexapro was hands down the most difficult one to get off of-

@Happy2Heal This is what I've been reading on this site. I have just recently started my BMS taper.....I don't know what the future holds for my symptoms, but I am very thankful there are other people that "get me" and are going through (or have been through) the same thing! 

[JackieDecides]

On 1/25/2021 at 7:32 AM, Happy2Heal said:

oh  a new job, how exciting!! have you found an area that you'd like to live in?  

I'd like to live in a desert climate, but the jobs are west of here where it's even cloudier! well, I lived through last winter and I guess I will make it through this one so I can do it, it's just not ideal. 

 

On 1/25/2021 at 7:32 AM, Happy2Heal said:

I have gotten a bit chubby during the "lockdown"  one thing about working every day at the Sr Center, I got out 5 days a week. 

you are not alone! I heard someone call it the "covid 15" and I got it, too. I just recently got off sugar (again) and stopped gaining. 

[JackieDecides]

On 1/25/2021 at 8:12 AM, getofflex said:

 I'm now 98.7% off of them, and still having issues.

I don't understand how it works, but reductions at low doses are much worse than at higher doses. somehow! so don't be discouraged. the last part is the hardest! 

[Cocopuffz17]

14 minutes ago, JackieDecides said:

I don't understand how it works, but reductions at low doses are much worse than at higher doses. somehow! so don't be discouraged. the last part is the hardest! 

The occupancy rate it much higher at the lower mg. So you are dropping lower amounts but changing more in your neurotransmitter. This is why 10 mg and below are the hardest. Check out neurotransmitter occupancy rates for paxil. It should show the curve for mg to %occupancy. 

[Believer]

Happy, thanks for coming back and giving us your awesome updates. I was humming along with taper, managing my symptoms pretty well until

about three weeks ago, due to life stressors, I think, I am now back in that horrible withdrawal place. I’ve been reading success stories to give me hope. Your story definitely does. Thank you!

[Happy2Heal]

On 2/20/2021 at 2:18 PM, Believer said:

Happy, thanks for coming back and giving us your awesome updates. I was humming along with taper, managing my symptoms pretty well until

about three weeks ago, due to life stressors, I think, I am now back in that horrible withdrawal place. I’ve been reading success stories to give me hope. Your story definitely does. Thank you!

hi there Believer

so sorry you hit a rough patch!! how are you doing now?

it's a long journey to be sure

 

I hope that you're feeling a lot better now!
 

spring is just around the corner

it always lifts my spirits, I hope it does yours as well

[JackieDecides]

On 3/4/2021 at 4:02 PM, Happy2Heal said:

spring is just around the corner

 

here in Oregon it feels like Spring already, even if we do end up getting more cold or snow. daffodils are coming up, even if they haven't bloomed yet they are close. 

 

the days getting longer is such a relief! 

[rupa]

@Happy2Heal

Your Signature is like, WOW!

[Ripley]

Hi Happy2Heal

 

Congratulations on being free from drugs after all those years and I'm pleased to read that you're living well!

 

I saw elsewhere on the site that you had a problem with physical exertion giving you a night of insomnia. I currently have the same! I'm hoping you might have some words of encouragement for me as it's a real worry.

 

Are you able to live your life normally and not worry about this now? How long did this problem last for you? I'm sorry if you've talked about this elsewhere and I've not seen it.

 

Like you, I've had dreadful insomnia in WD and there must be a connection between extreme fatigue and this struggle with physical exertion now. And by exertion I just mean walking for more than 10 minutes!

 

I have a young family so this isn't a situation that we can easily manage. I'm not sure what to do. Were you able to gradually increase your activity levels or perhaps it was more the passing of time, like so much of this? 

 

I hope to hear from you as your experience most closely resembles my own.

 

Thank you

Ripley

[Ripley]

Hi @Happy2Heal

 

Congratulations on being free from drugs after all those years and I'm pleased to read that you're living well!

 

I saw elsewhere on the site that you had a problem with physical exertion giving you a night of insomnia. I currently have the same! I'm hoping you might have some words of encouragement for me as it's a real worry.

 

Are you able to live your life normally and not worry about this now? How long did this problem last for you? I'm sorry if you've talked about this elsewhere and I've not seen it.

 

Like you, I've had dreadful insomnia in WD and there must be a connection between extreme fatigue and this struggle with physical exertion now. And by exertion I just mean walking for more than 10 minutes!

 

I have a young family so this isn't a situation that we can easily manage. I'm not sure what to do. Were you able to gradually increase your activity levels or perhaps it was more the passing of time, like so much of this? 

 

I hope to hear from you as your experience most closely resembles my own.

 

Thank you

Ripley

[Happy2Heal]

46 minutes ago, Ripley said:

Hi @Happy2Heal

 

Congratulations on being free from drugs after all those years and I'm pleased to read that you're living well!

 

I saw elsewhere on the site that you had a problem with physical exertion giving you a night of insomnia. I currently have the same! I'm hoping you might have some words of encouragement for me as it's a real worry.

 

Are you able to live your life normally and not worry about this now? How long did this problem last for you? I'm sorry if you've talked about this elsewhere and I've not seen it.

 

Like you, I've had dreadful insomnia in WD and there must be a connection between extreme fatigue and this struggle with physical exertion now. And by exertion I just mean walking for more than 10 minutes!

 

I have a young family so this isn't a situation that we can easily manage. I'm not sure what to do. Were you able to gradually increase your activity levels or perhaps it was more the passing of time, like so much of this? 

 

I hope to hear from you as your experience most closely resembles my own.

 

Thank you

Ripley

Hi @Ripley 

so sorry to hear you're having these difficulties, esp with a young family. that's tough!

 

I am able to live mostly normally (it's hard to say for certain, as I'm much older now and probably have issues related to aging, being that I'm 65 now and was 18 when I was first drugged/medicated)

 

I was always able to do some walking (up to half an hour a day) What I had a problem with was aerobic exercise, the kind that raises your heart rate, you know? It seemed silly to me because I had so much anxiety my heart rate was up from that, but if I purposely raised my heart rate by walking fast on a treadmill or the like, I would have some difficulty getting to sleep that night

I did find that doing any kind of physical exertion before noon made it less likely to cause insomnia that evening.

 

I honestly can't recall how long this went on, for me everything gradually got better, so slowly sometimes that i I hardly  even noticed when things were getting better.

One day I would just be like, oh wow, I haven't woken up in the middle of the night for a while now, this is great!

that kind of thing.

 

What I did notice early on is that as much as I hated the insomnia, it didn't really have a huge effect on me during the day. I was mostly able to go about my business and not feel sleepy etc. 

 

I did a LOT of self care, which for me was taking it easy as much as possible. I was able to nap sometimes during the day and feel that was a good thing for me to do, to avoid becoming over tired
I Don't know if that might help you?

I know some folks can't sleep if they nap during the day. Mine were short naps, generally 20 mins, sometimes as much as an hour

 

I can assure you, the insomnia does go away! I am now able to over sleep,  I'm able to go back to sleep easily if I wake up in the middle of the night and I often fall asleep when I'd rather be up (which fascinates me more than annoys me)
there was a time when I thought I'd never need an alarm clock again, because I was wide awake so much of the time, and would wake up super early and not be able to get back to sleep.

I did use some meditation recordings that helped sometimes, and I did listen to podcasts ( I prefer soothing voices to music, too many memories attached to most music) I basically thru trial and error, figured out what worked for me

This would change over time, for example, relaxation tapes stopped helping so I tried something else.

 

You're going to be ok. BE kind and gentle with yourself

You should see improvements or maybe like me, you wont' notice them at first because they are small, but rest assured they are happening.

try to focus on the things that are going well, it really does help, I think.

even if it doesnt' help, it never hurts to think of pleasant things

 

maybe some friends or family can step up and give you a hand sometimes, You dont' need to tell them what you are going thru, if you don't want to, you could just say you've hit a rough patch or had a bad intestinal bug or some such thing and ask for a bit of help.

 

People enjoy helping others, it makes them feel good. So don't be shy about asking if you need to.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Just took a quick peek at your thread, oh I had the regrets too! plz try not to waste too much time on that, it only upsets your fragile nervous system more. ok? 

I would have had a much easier time if I'd tapered properly I'm sure, but I made mistakes and I suffered for them

I didnt' need to add to my suffering by beating myself up about it, you know?

 

I hope that you sleep well tonight! 

gentle hugs

 

[Ripley]

Thank you @Happy2Heal for taking the time to write such a kind response. I appreciate it.

 

Are you able to tolerate aerobic exercise now and raising your heart rate without insomnia? 

 

All the best,

Ripley x

[Happy2Heal]

17 minutes ago, Ripley said:

Thank you @Happy2Heal for taking the time to write such a kind response. I appreciate it.

 

Are you able to tolerate aerobic exercise now and raising your heart rate without insomnia? 

 

All the best,

Ripley x

you're very welcome

 

hmm I'm not sure, since the pandemic I've  not had access to the fitness class I used to attend and with bad knees, I'm not able to walk fast enough to get my heart rate up

 

when I was last able to do aerobic exercise, I did still need to limit it to before noon or it could affect my sleep but not with insomnia, It would just be harder for me to wind down at night, whereas normally I am too sleepy to stay awake. But once I was asleep I slept well and in fact may have had deeper more restful sleep

I would notice having trouble falling asleep because that was almost never an issue for me- I'd be able to get to sleep but would not sleep for long.

 

I am about 3 yrs out from zero however I did a very bad taper, having gone on and off the lexapro multiple times in a short period of time as you can see from my signature. So I do think it's reasonable that I might be still quite sensitive to things, but not to the point of going back to acute WD

I just might rock the boat a bit for a day or two if I were to say, drink coffee, which I dont even attempt to do anymore. I'm caffeine free now and it's working great for me,  I don't miss it at all!!

 

Generally I sleep the best, even now, if I am able to get out and walk in the morning. I can still walk in the afternoon or later but I try my best not to do anything strenuous too close to bedtime, or even dinner time, because it can throw things off a bit. But only just a bit, and only very temporarily. and generally it just means I have a harder time getting to sleep but sleep well once I've fallen to sleep

 

the thing that will still mess me up, to be honest, is worrying about things being bad, or when things are not great, worrying that they won't get better fast enough (or ever, if I'm in a catastrophizing mood :P) 
It's easy to get anxious about it because  we remember how bad things could be in early WD but we just have to keep "talking ourselves down" so to speak

 

I hope this doesn't make it sound like WD recovery is going to be a lot of work even once you're completely off the drug,

it's not really, I think I think I just learned to respect my body a lot more and listen to it, and do what works the best 

and really, if I had done that in the first place so many decades ago....

but that's water under the bridge now (or over the dam or whatever the proper saying is LOL I'm not sure)

 

I've gained some wt and need to get out and do some exercise but I'm waiting for less windy weather

I will def update with what happens when I *do* get out and get moving some more

I anticipate that my sleep will be deeper and more restorative, to be honest, and as long as I don't over do it, I really think I'll be fine

 

Just as an aside, I have discovered and this is actually backed up by science, if you've got the time to google sleep and wake cycles and depression etc as treatment for both depression and mania

 

I have found that pulling an "all nighter|"- that is, intentionally staying up all night, has done wonders for me any time I've fallen into a funk. I hesitate to use the word depression because it's been so overused. But if I've been down for a few days and do this, it immediately  lifts my mood.  

 

I hope I've been able to help. let me know how you go ok?

[Ripley]

Hi @Happy2Heal

 

Gosh, I know for sure I won't intentionally pull an all-nighter after all the unintentional ones I've had! But it's interesting you find that it lifts your mood!

 

You make some interesting points and I do agree that worry compounds the problem. It can be hard to stop it though.

 

I'll be interested in how you get along with exercise when you're able to do it again and I'll let you know if I have some improvement! I can also imagine never having caffeine again or alcohol for that matter as I wouldn't want to risk upsetting the apple cart again.

 

Rx

[Happy2Heal]

On 3/23/2021 at 2:38 AM, Thelongestroadhome said:

Hi @Happy2Heal

i just wanted to stop by and say Thank You! Your words of encouragement during my own journey withdrawing from lexapro were much appreciated. Sometimes I don’t think people realise how just a few positive words can make such a positive impact on someone’s day. I am so happy to hear that you are doing well ❤️🙏

you are very welcome! how are you doing now?

I must hop on over to your thread and see

[Katy398]

1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

Sometimes I don’t think people realise how just a few positive words can make such a positive impact on someone’s day.

This is absolutely true,  a whole day can be changed simply by  the kind, positive  words of others. The world would be a better place if more were able to acknowledge this. 

Take care, We CAN Do This! 

[Happy2Heal]

just a little note that while recovery is wonderful, real life has it's up and downs and I've hit a bit of a downturn.

 

like everything else in life, this too shall pass

 

 

in the meantime I'm pretty discouraged and trying to remember how to float thru the bad parts 

 

actually, in all honesty, today I am too exhausted by pain (physical and emotional) to even try to think of what to do

so I think I will wallow for today

and idk, maybe take a nap 

 

 

 

some days you just cant' force yourself to put on a happy face I guess  🥴

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Cocopuffz17]

8 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

actually, in all honesty, today I am too exhausted by pain (physical and emotional) to even try to think of what to do

so I think I will wallow for today

and idk, maybe take a nap 

 

 

 

some days you just cant' force yourself to put on a happy face I guess  🥴

 

These days come. I did exactly what you are doing, just relax and rest. The next day will be better  

[FarmGirlWorks]

@Happy2Heal, well put:

On 4/2/2021 at 9:05 AM, Happy2Heal said:

some days you just cant' force yourself to put on a happy face I guess

 

It is so true. Me too the last week or so. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other no matter how slowly. I hope your days get brighter and brighter.

[Happy2Heal]

thanks guys

 

been up and down the past couple of weeks but overall not bad

I am just listening to my body and resting when needed, trying to stay busy to give myself a feeling of accomplishment which helps ward off feeling down

 

I did get the covid vaccine on the 6th, it went well but did feel a bit dizzy and out of it for maybe 48 hrs

 

Since then I have noticed that my days start out with me feeling some doom and gloom, not wanting to get up, and feeling just blah til around noon, when I start to get some motivation and feel lighter and better

 

that's the pattern of symptoms I had during recovery so it's possible that the covid shot has caused a tiny tiny TINY bit of a wave, but I'm not stressed about it

I was ready for whatever happened and i"m just taking it easy

 

feeling good that I got the vaccine, hoping enough folks get it so we can get back to something more like "normal" whatever that may mean lol

 

best wishes to you all

 

 

[Believer]

On 3/4/2021 at 4:02 PM, Happy2Heal said:

hi there Believer

so sorry you hit a rough patch!! how are you doing now?

it's a long journey to be sure

 

I hope that you're feeling a lot better now!
 

spring is just around the corner

it always lifts my spirits, I hope it does yours as well

Hi H2H,

yes spring definitely lifts my spirits too. It is sunny and windy here today. 
 

So glad you are doing well! I’m still trying to figure out my next next step. Having some big waves and little windows, so that gives me hope. 

[JackieDecides]

On 4/13/2021 at 10:32 AM, Happy2Heal said:

I did get the covid vaccine on the 6th

yay! I'm glad for you. 

[Happy2Heal]

10 minutes ago, JackieDecides said:

yay! I'm glad for you. 

yep 

 

of course it was the J&J shot so I wasn't thrilled with the recent news but then  they said the odds of having a serious reaction were still incredibly low so it is what it is. Not gonna worry about it

 

I did something daring yesterday, I bought some black tea and had 3 cups after 5 pm at night and guess what?

absolutely no problem sleeping afterwards!!

 

YAY!
I can finally tolerate a little bit of caffeine.

I don't need or necessarily even want caffeine, but the herbal tea I've been drinking is about 20 times more expensive than plain black tea, and I love my tea, so I'm really happy that I don't always have to drink herbal.

Saves me some $$ and that's always good

 

how are you doing Jackie?

 

 

[JackieDecides]

On 4/15/2021 at 8:39 PM, Happy2Heal said:

how are you doing Jackie?

pretty good! I'm getting a second job and hope to find a new place to live in the area soon. 

[Happy2Heal]

On 4/17/2021 at 11:30 PM, JackieDecides said:

pretty good! I'm getting a second job and hope to find a new place to live in the area soon. 

sweet!!

 

are you still not getting sufficient hours where you've been working?

 

I hope you find a sunny place!! 

 

 

[Rosetta]

I’m happy to see you are doing so well, Happy!!

 

🦋Rosetta