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Happy2Heal

Happy2Heal my Victory statement

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Happy2Heal
3 hours ago, Tweet said:

Is your hair all back to normal now? It was falling out...

 

 

not really, no

 

it stops for falling out and is constantly growing new hairs (I see them most when its humid, they curl up more, little short "baby" hairs lol) 

but then I'll lose a bunch more, it's an ongoing process it seems.

 

BUT it does seem like I'm now growing more than I'm losing, so hopefully in time I'll be back to normal!!

 

how are you doing?

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Happy2Heal
55 minutes ago, JackieDecides said:

:blink:  

banana.gif

 

well, I can copy/paste yours...

 

the roads are only wet, not icy so it's all good. I'm a bit bummed there has been no sun today. I am used to sun darn near every day! 

 

 

oh my I wish we had sun nearly every day LOL  we've had a long run of cloudy showering weather, April showers and all that.

The sun peeks out from time to time, it was just out for about 25 mins and I literally put my shoes on and ran out the door to be outside in the sun LOL


I"m cleaning up the trash around the property here and the whole block really, it's Earth Month after all
Good a time as any to be cleaning up.

 

I'm glad it's not icy there, that's no fun. 

I hope you see the sun tomorrow!!!

 

 

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Happy2Heal
On 4/29/2019 at 2:55 PM, Dreamer said:

Hello H2H,

I went off Zoloft cold turkey 13 weeks ago (was on it for 10 years).  I also was taking tranxene (a Benzo) several times a week for at least that long.  The hardest thing about the wd are the anxiety.  Brain zaps and other stuff is done.  But I feel so uncomfortable mentally and physically.  Tranxene used to just take the edge off and this anxiety is so tough that it doesn't work.  My psychiatrist wanted me to take Xanax and I said no so then he suggested Ativan . But I don't want to addicted to that too. And it doesn't work that well.  My question is, did you suffer from anxiety?  If so, what did you do for it? I feel so panicked most of the time after reading all the awful stories on the internet.  I honestly have thought about going back on something but that scares me too after reading stories of reinstatement attempts.  But this is beyond difficult (I know you know that).  If I could calm the anxiety it would be tons better.  Any advise would be hugely appreciated.

Thankyou so much,

 

I am so sorry I missed seeing your post Dreamer til today.

 

I would strongly suggest that you start your own thread (I didn't see one so I'm guessing you haven't started one yet?) The moderators and administrator are the best folks to answer your questions and get you started off in the right direction.

Did you go off both tranxene and zoloft cold turkey? It may not be too late to reinstate. I can't tell you if you should or not, you'd need the input of the moderators about that.

 

I went on and off lexapro many times, so I don't know if we can even compare stories here. Everyone's journey is different, and what happened during mine can be vastly different from what may happen for you.

 

I did indeed suffer from severe anxiety and panic and dread, so bad that I was unable to sleep and every moment that I was awake was filled with panic, dread and a raw fear that is hard to describe. I tried all sorts of things to get thru it, meditation, relaxation tapes, gentle exercise, yoga, tai chi, etc. I tried different supplements, some made the symptoms worse, some seemed to help briefly but then either stopped or made things worse.  Obviously I got thru it and am fine now, but I "lost" over a year of my life to acute horrendous symptoms that I could probably have avoided if I hadn't been so foolish. 
Looking back now, I wonder if I'd tried to reinstate a tiny bit higher, if things would have gone better, but there's no way to know.

 

I can give you one small bit of advice, please follow the suggestions to go SLOW to keep it SIMPLE and to keep things STEADY! that will save you a LOT of trouble. 
This is why I urge you to start your own thread asap so you can get the advice from the experts on how you should proceed from here. There are ppl who succeeded in reinstating later on, it might be worth a try for you, I just don't know- you really need the input of the mods OK?

 

there are also many people who went cold turkey who have recovered but from what I've read, they had a pretty rough go of it.

 

You need to sort thru all that and figure out what is best for YOU, but you should probably do that sooner rather than later

 

good luck!

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Happy2Heal

a few things I forgot to mention:

 

I drank coffee - twice!! and it didn't keep me up all night! oh it tasted so good!!!

I won't be a regular coffee drinker again but it's so good to know I can have a cup once in a while and be ok

 

I've seen the cardinal that makes a huge racket in the morning, first I spotted the male, than a few days later, the female and now I've seen the happy couple together.


I saw the baby house finch bob and weave it's heavy little head around in the nest yesterday, so adorable.

I'd love to get photos but I don't want to disturb the mom, I'd feel awful if something happened to the baby. I think there may only be one. she made her nest in a kinda bad spot, on a porch with stairs that are used all the time, but fortunately not too often nor by too many people. We are all mindful of the nest and take care to not disturb the family.

 

I've seen a downy woodpecker, we've got a noisy pair of robins, oh my goodness the male is SO loud, hahahaha

There's lots of starlings, of course, and sparrows, and a mourning dove couple and a mockingbird, have only seen the male, I'm not sure I've ever seen a female mockingbird-gotta add that to my  list. Saw a hawk but not sure what kind. and I think I saw a white throated sparrow, I'm hoping to see it again to compare it to the bird book to be sure. 

yep having fun with birdwatching  :)


I got a bit more active with the rat rescue doing online stuff and will be supporting the fosters by making cage liners, all they need to do is supply the fabric and I'll supply the labor. 

Also working on making catnip toys for an upcoming auction for a cat charity I've been supporting for years, they help out diabetic cats and their owners. I  had 2 diabetic cats myself years ago.

 

I just feel so alive and happy lately. :D

 

I can see how sometimes my thought patterns can lead me to places I'd rather not be, so I work on that when I need to, but lately I don't really need to that much.

 

it's great. 

Just great! I have so much to be grateful for.  :) :):)

 


While I do feel "fully healed"  I wonder if there isn't more healing going on, because things truly do keep getting better and better.

 

things are not perfect, mind you- I still struggle with some of the issues that I had in the distant past that led me to be diagnosed with mental illness and put on drugs- I have issues with dissociation from past traumas, but I find ways to cope with that.

I was socially isolated for so long, I still struggle somewhat with handling things like conflict in relationships, setting and keeping good boundaries, and recognizing what my needs are and finding the healthiest ways to get them met.

as my therapist points out, I have major trust issues.  I don't know that that is all that bad, better to be more cautious rather than less, is my thinking , lol. but........... It is a huge relief when I allow myself to trust others. It's just extremely hard for me to do. 

but I am also excited to be working on these things.

I am moving forward now and not just trying to get thru that awful experience of withdrawal

 

but even then,  I look back on the past several years and I see that I was moving forward and making progress even while dealing with the horrendous symptoms . So it wasn't wasted time, I did make the best of it and I"m glad I did that.

 

I still have trouble with beginnings and endings, esp endings. I was essentially abandoned twice as a child, so separations from important people in my life are hard, I get anxious about ever seeing them again. I have issues with object permanence, one therapist had a theory that a trauma in early childhood screwed up me learning what most babies learn at  a very young age. this makes sense to me but I don't really understand how to, like, overcome that. I have some issues related to sexual abuse that I won't go into here, but I am finding ways to deal with that stuff too.

I am most proud of the stuff I do on my own, without any help but I also realize that there are times when help is appropriate and needed.

 

I never could have gotten thru WD/Recovery without the help of this forum. I am sure of that, and I am and will continue to be extremely grateful to Alto, the mods and the many folks here who helped me along the way.

 

I feel I can never really thank you all enough.

 

❤️ 

 

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JackieDecides
3 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

I drank coffee - twice!! and it didn't keep me up all night! oh it tasted so good!!!

 

3 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

I just feel so alive and happy lately

 

 

I am so glad for you! 😍

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PH1
6 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

While I do feel "fully healed"  I wonder if there isn't more healing going on, because things truly do keep getting better and better.

So happy to hear this!!    God bless you.

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Happy2Heal

 amazingly a  new milestone:

 I actually "overslept" the other day, something I've been unable to do for over 4 yrs.

I didn't need to be up at any certain time but normally I can't sleep past 6am, it's just not been possible.

I slept til 8:12!!

I was shocked when I looked at the time, I had to check my watch and the clock on the stove too LOL just to be sure it was right.

the other thing is, I fell asleep early that night- I slept for 10hrs, only getting up to go to the bathroom once.  my average sleep per night has been ~6 hrs for the past, er, 2 yrs I guess, and was a lot less during acute WD recovery!!

 

the following day, I slept for 12 hrs and took a nap later in the day. I'm not sick but I have gone thru a lot of changes, moved to a new place and have been very busy otherwise, so-

I am listening to my body. It says it needs extra sleep and so that's what I'll do. 

 

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh felt soooooooo good lol

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dj2010
3 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

 amazingly a  new milestone:

 I actually "overslept" the other day, something I've been unable to do for over 4 yrs.

I didn't need to be up at any certain time but normally I can't sleep past 6am, it's just not been possible.

I slept til 8:12!!

I was shocked when I looked at the time, I had to check my watch and the clock on the stove too LOL just to be sure it was right.

the other thing is, I fell asleep early that night- I slept for 10hrs, only getting up to go to the bathroom once.  my average sleep per night has been ~6 hrs for the past, er, 2 yrs I guess, and was a lot less during acute WD recovery!!

 

the following day, I slept for 12 hrs and took a nap later in the day. I'm not sick but I have gone thru a lot of changes, moved to a new place and have been very busy otherwise, so-

I am listening to my body. It says it needs extra sleep and so that's what I'll do. 

 

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh felt soooooooo good lol

Well done, doesn’t it feel nice to wake up at a normal time rather than jolt awake at 2am and then no more sleep for the night!

 

continue your path of healing 

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Madeleine
9 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

 amazingly a  new milestone:

 I actually "overslept" the other day, something I've been unable to do for over 4 yrs.

I didn't need to be up at any certain time but normally I can't sleep past 6am, it's just not been possible.

I slept til 8:12!!

I was shocked when I looked at the time, I had to check my watch and the clock on the stove too LOL just to be sure it was right.

the other thing is, I fell asleep early that night- I slept for 10hrs, only getting up to go to the bathroom once.  my average sleep per night has been ~6 hrs for the past, er, 2 yrs I guess, and was a lot less during acute WD recovery!!

 

the following day, I slept for 12 hrs and took a nap later in the day. I'm not sick but I have gone thru a lot of changes, moved to a new place and have been very busy otherwise, so-

I am listening to my body. It says it needs extra sleep and so that's what I'll do. 

 

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh felt soooooooo good lol



Thank you for sharing your positive update! So nice to read it.  Happy to hear that you are sleeping well. I really appreciate that you took the time to share.   
With very best wishes,
M.

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Tweet
10 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

 amazingly a  new milestone:

 I actually "overslept" the other day, something I've been unable to do for over 4 yrs.

I didn't need to be up at any certain time but normally I can't sleep past 6am, it's just not been possible.

I slept til 8:12!!

I was shocked when I looked at the time, I had to check my watch and the clock on the stove too LOL just to be sure it was right.

the other thing is, I fell asleep early that night- I slept for 10hrs, only getting up to go to the bathroom once.  my average sleep per night has been ~6 hrs for the past, er, 2 yrs I guess, and was a lot less during acute WD recovery!!

 

the following day, I slept for 12 hrs and took a nap later in the day. I'm not sick but I have gone thru a lot of changes, moved to a new place and have been very busy otherwise, so-

I am listening to my body. It says it needs extra sleep and so that's what I'll do. 

 

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh felt soooooooo good lol

So happy to hear that you are sleeping well too! Sounds like you are doing so great!🤸 Hooray!

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JackieDecides

I am so glad to hear this! and listening to your body seems like a good plan to me. 

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Longestroadhome

I am so happy to read that you are doing well. You were always a wonderful support to me and gave me great encouragement in my own journey. I pray that you continue to make the most out of life and find joy in every day 😘

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JackieDecides

how are things in your new place?

 

I am still struggling to feel "at home" in mine, but am making some progress I hope. 

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Tweet

Just a question about your healing. Towards the end, did you have bouts of suddenly, overwhelming down emotions?

It seems like I need to cry for a few days and I can't. The emotions just aren't there.  Then after a few days of building up it all suddenly breaks loose, I cry, and then I feel better. 

Aside from some manageable anxiety I otherwise feel normal. Maybe this is "normal" female behavior?

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Happy2Heal
8 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

how are things in your new place?

 

I am still struggling to feel "at home" in mine, but am making some progress I hope. 

 

hi Jackie

things are ok. I've been sick and very grumpy, so the things that aren't perfect bother me more than they normally would and not knowing where anything is, makes me annoyed and wears me out a bit.

 

I am starting to feel a bit more like it's my home, but I think it's just going to take time. I am starting to add things that make me happy- some plants and whatnot.

I got permission to rat sit in July, that's great news- it means I've got my foot in the door to possibly foster rats again. 
I do miss them a lot.

 

I think the past week or so has reminded me that acceptance  of "the way things are" -esp for those things you can't change, is something that needs to be practiced not just during WD/recovery but beyond.

I had so much I wanted to do, but being sick and tired and having to do things I didn't want to do, just put me in a bad mood. My friends haven't seen me like that before....they were a bit startled LOL 

 

I must hop over to your thread and see how you are going

 

 

 

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Happy2Heal
47 minutes ago, Tweet said:

Just a question about your healing. Towards the end, did you have bouts of suddenly, overwhelming down emotions?

It seems like I need to cry for a few days and I can't. The emotions just aren't there.  Then after a few days of building up it all suddenly breaks loose, I cry, and then I feel better. 

Aside from some manageable anxiety I otherwise feel normal. Maybe this is "normal" female behavior?

hi Tweet

I have had, and actually continue to have, bouts of fairly intense emotions, both down ones and up/happy ones.

 

I think my brain may still be working on "leveling things out". I recall as a teenager, being told that I had very "labile moods" (which I always thought was the very definition of being a teenager, but what do I know? they told me it was a mental illness)

 

I have some high moods and low moods and recently some very grumpy moods LOL - earlier on, when I was first totally off the lexapro, I had more down periods and as time has gone by, I have more up happy ones.

Most of the time, I am just mainly content.

 

I don't know what is "normal" for an undrugged person, If there even is such a thing as normal but I see myself as no different from any of my friends and others who were never on these meds (A few of my friends  are on these terrible drugs & they appear to have their feelings blunted- they never seem happy or sad or anything- but they express a lot of discontent with their lives. That makes me sad)

 

so yeh, Tweet, I would say that having down moods and feeling like you want to or need to cry is pretty normal for WD recovery.

 

if you are still menstruating or near menopause, mood changes could be hormonal. 😕

 

 

where are you at in your recovery? are you off drugs now?

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Rosetta

Hi Happy,

 

I'm glad your move went so well and you are pleased with your new place.  The fact that you feel healed is wonderful.  I'm sure the mood thing will clear up.  I'm still bumping along.  

 

Rosetta

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Tweet
5 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

hi Tweet

I have had, and actually continue to have, bouts of fairly intense emotions, both down ones and up/happy ones.

 

I think my brain may still be working on "leveling things out". I recall as a teenager, being told that I had very "labile moods" (which I always thought was the very definition of being a teenager, but what do I know? they told me it was a mental illness)

 

I have some high moods and low moods and recently some very grumpy moods LOL - earlier on, when I was first totally off the lexapro, I had more down periods and as time has gone by, I have more up happy ones.

Most of the time, I am just mainly content.

 

I don't know what is "normal" for an undrugged person, If there even is such a thing as normal but I see myself as no different from any of my friends and others who were never on these meds (A few of my friends  are on these terrible drugs & they appear to have their feelings blunted- they never seem happy or sad or anything- but they express a lot of discontent with their lives. That makes me sad)

 

so yeh, Tweet, I would say that having down moods and feeling like you want to or need to cry is pretty normal for WD recovery.

 

if you are still menstruating or near menopause, mood changes could be hormonal. 😕

 

 

where are you at in your recovery? are you off drugs now?

Thanks for the reply. Yes, the question remains: what IS normal? I tapered off of 20 mg Prozac over 6 weeks beginning May of 2018.  Basically CT. Totally horrific nightmare of a year it has been.

Did not know about reinstatement. Totally determined to get off if it killed me. Went down in a pit for a year but am improved greatly by now and by God's grace. Just having these ultra deep emotions I told you about.

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JackieDecides
18 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

I am starting to feel a bit more like it's my home, but I think it's just going to take time. I am starting to add things that make me happy- some plants and whatnot.

I got permission to rat sit in July,

 

this is excellent, I'm so glad to hear it

 

 

18 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

acceptance  of "the way things are" -esp for those things you can't change, is something that needs to be practiced not just during WD/recovery but beyond.

 

 

I struggle with this and feel I haven't been doing well at all. I find myself usually (constantly? maybe not but too often) fighting the way things are - oh, why can't I go back and change the past, why can't I have back what is lost. 

 

so I am working on it.

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Happy2Heal
On 5/18/2019 at 5:57 PM, Rosetta said:

Hi Happy,

 

I'm glad your move went so well and you are pleased with your new place.  The fact that you feel healed is wonderful.  I'm sure the mood thing will clear up.  I'm still bumping along.  

 

Rosetta

thanks so much Rosetta

I am sorry I am just seeing this post now, not sure how I missed it before

:P

 

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