Tom37: Lexapro taper

[mdwstrx]

Hoping today was a better day for you!  Especially if you got a bit more sleep.  Stay 💪!!

[Tom37]

So have had two far better days so far since I started feeling better on Tuesday night. Think I must have been in a wave as lot of physical symptoms plus mentally probably wasn’t normal.

 

Does it mean I’m now in a window? Who knows as still do have symptoms.

 

Mentally I felt really good today/yesterday. Was even laughing a bit in the office today and making a few jokes etc. Physically though still ‘not right’ as had a few aches and when walking my body still doesn’t feel normal. Probably say 60 to 70 percent physically and 90/95 percent mentally.

 

If I was in a wave then the instensity was less than any of the previous ones as was still able to go to work yet when I was ‘flu like’ last time had to be in bed for couple of days. 

 

Do I feel better after this wave compare to the last? So far I would say yes I am both mentally and physically but who knows what will happen tomorrow. Have also been sleeping a bit better....had three nights of getting min of 4 hours before waking then going back to sleep for another hour or so where before was 2 hours then 2 hours then an hour.

 

So am I making progress? Honestly don’t know. Feels at times like I am but then other times it doesn’t and I think that’s because everything is so inconsistent. 

 

Trying to remain positive that this will end at some point.

[DaveB]

56 minutes ago, Tom37 said:

So have had two far better days so far since I started feeling better on Tuesday night. Think I must have been in a wave as lot of physical symptoms plus mentally probably wasn’t normal.

 

Does it mean I’m now in a window? Who knows as still do have symptoms.

 

Mentally I felt really good today/yesterday. Was even laughing a bit in the office today and making a few jokes etc. Physically though still ‘not right’ as had a few aches and when walking my body still doesn’t feel normal. Probably say 60 to 70 percent physically and 90/95 percent mentally.

 

If I was in a wave then the instensity was less than any of the previous ones as was still able to go to work yet when I was ‘flu like’ last time had to be in bed for couple of days. 

 

Do I feel better after this wave compare to the last? So far I would say yes I am both mentally and physically but who knows what will happen tomorrow. Have also been sleeping a bit better....had three nights of getting min of 4 hours before waking then going back to sleep for another hour or so where before was 2 hours then 2 hours then an hour.

 

So am I making progress? Honestly don’t know. Feels at times like I am but then other times it doesn’t and I think that’s because everything is so inconsistent. 

 

Trying to remain positive that this will end at some point.

 

This is an awesome update, keep it up man, you are doing great!

[mdwstrx]

Good news!!  I think it’s definitely progress in the context of withdrawal.  Stay positive that things will continue to improve!  They will. 

[Tom37]

Feeling very similar to the last couple of days so far today....my ‘baseline’ symptoms still there and while lesser in intensity than before still wax and wane throughout the day. Slept for about 3.5 hours then woke then slept for another 2.5 to 3 hours so an ok night.

 

Im starting to think these two main ‘baseline’ symptoms will be with me all the way through as while they have eased a bit they still persist while all other symptoms always come and go. So frustrating. 

 

If if anyone had a symptom or two that was with them the whole way would be nice to know that they DO go.

 

Mentally feel fine wd wise like yesterday just still have the thoughts at times that this will never end and what will life be like if it stays like this. Plus what if I can’t stablise? What will I do then? How will I handle this for months and months? So annoying having those thoughts but fairly natural I would of thought and natural to have days when fed up with it all.

[Tom37]

Another similar night as the last but managed to fall back asleep till 5.30 I think a couple of cooler nights has helped....still broken sleep but getting at least 3.5 hours before waking instead of two....5 or 6 hours is fine for me.

 

So far feel like I have done the last three days and I’m sure the same symptoms will wax and wane as the day goes on.

 

Actually felt ridiculously like normal in bed this morning mentally and was thinking about what I want to do today and not just today but in the future....then I remembered that while the mind may want to go and do everything the body is far from capable! Then think if I never get better will never be able to do them again and then really feel down.

 

At least i guess I still have interest and enthusiasm about life. Maybe having that though makes going through this harder as cant do much at all.

 

Just feels like I’m sitting in a waiting room waiting for my name to be called to rejoin life. 

[DaveB]

23 minutes ago, Tom37 said:

Another similar night as the last but managed to fall back asleep till 5.30 I think a couple of cooler nights has helped....still broken sleep but getting at least 3.5 hours before waking instead of two....5 or 6 hours is fine for me.

 

So far feel like I have done the last three days and I’m sure the same symptoms will wax and wane as the day goes on.

 

Actually felt ridiculously like normal in bed this morning mentally and was thinking about what I want to do today and not just today but in the future....then I remembered that while the mind may want to go and do everything the body is far from capable! Then think if I never get better will never be able to do them again and then really feel down.

 

At least i guess I still have interest and enthusiasm about life. Maybe having that though makes going through this harder as cant do much at all.

 

Just feels like I’m sitting in a waiting room waiting for my name to be called to rejoin life. 

 

Totally know this feeling, like waiting for life to begin again.

[Tom37]

You got it....since I’m feeling ‘better’ I’m thinking about trying to do more things but I’m also very afraid of ruining any progress I may have made.

 

Saturday here so day of a few easy jobs (mowing lawn etc) outside then out to the beach for a walk I think. Meant to be bit of a heatwave coming from tomorrow from Australia so best to get anything done today.

 

Just need the physical symptoms to ease up a bit and then I will know recovery and stabilising is around the corner.

 

 

[mdwstrx]

Good news that you can see some improvement!  Know what you mean by feeling ‘better’. I was sleeping and woke early this am feeling snug and comfy -until ‘it’ came back within seconds, slowly flooding over me. Totally ruined my moment. But it’s the first time I recall feeling snug and comfy waking in almost 3 months. Healing is happening. 

 

Getting outside to do yard work and walk on beach sounds super!. 🌞 We’re all staying inside with little desire to get out in the frigid temps.   Hoping we get a ‘heatwave’ soon. 🥶

 

 

[JLex1981]

I remember that feeling, that nice window when you wake up and feel a little groggy and relaxed/ refreshed. So nice 👍🏻 

[Tom37]

That is great you got that small feeling of lying in bed if no anxiety. I remember when I first crashed and my legs where shaking uncontrollably for about two full days and when it stopped it was like heaven! 

 

Yes healing is happening.....slowly and frustratingly but surely it is.

[Tom37]

Another Saturday almost done.

 

Got the lawns done, but if weeding as everything growing so quick after recent but if rain. Didn’t go to the beach hut went for a walk along the marine parade close to home instead.

 

Actually felt quite good today and probably the best day out of the last 4 since having better days. The ‘aching’ symptom that has has been ever present was significantly weaker today even when it flared up like it always does. Also it didn’t really effect my head for a change which was really good. Mentally felt really good to...just like my normal self I think or closest it’s been to it since this started.

 

Would be nice if the aching symptom stayed like today but it may have just shown it’s weakness? maybe it’s calming down on its way to going away?🤷🏻‍♂️.....time will tell....not getting too excited as this is wd but gives a bit of hope.

 

 

[Tom37]

Apologies for my terrible spelling!😩

[Tom37]

Another similar night although woke after about an hour or so but then back to sleep for 3.5 then another 45 mins or so then another 45mins or so till 5.30.....So another 5 to 6 hours which is fine. Think the vivid dreams wake me up even when sleep for 45mins or so.

 

If anyone that crashed had their sleep change did it return to pre crash state once stabilised? Never slept through the night beforehand but always got 4 to 5 hours then another hour or so.

 

For me anyway sleep is harder if physically not comfortable or bit restless like last night where was aching just a little....minor compared to where it’s been. Plus it’s middle of summer here and couldn’t get comfortable with ear plugs (normally fine but stupid right ear wasn’t) as a concert was on so could hear bit of noise....Fatboy Slim was attempting to bring back the 90’s.

 

Feeling very similar so far today to yesterday so see how it goes and hopefully when the aching rears its ugly head it will be like yesterday.

 

Definitely off to beach today as expecting 34 degrees from this Australian heat wave....was 42 degrees in Melbourne the other day so shouldn’t really complain. May even go for a swim...I’m sure an easy swim will be for this healing body...although water so warm will feel like a bath.

[Tom37]

Sunday nearly over.......another day similar to yesterday although the ‘aching’ symptom was probably a little more there but still stayed away from the head so that makes it far more tolerable. Think both these main symptoms are related as when the aching goes dormant the out of sync/wobbly feeling comes out. It’s mainly the knees, the neck and upper back. 

 

They are both reduced from at their worst and different than the original aching that stopped so hopefully seeing some progression with it but does wear you down. Those are the only real symptoms dealing with at the moment so if they just reduce by half then would feel so close to normal!

 

Mentally felt really good again today so hopefully that continues. 

 

Got to the beach and even got a swim in but swell was decent so just played around in shallow water but was nice to do something I normally would do without thinking about it. 

 

Has hit 34 so now inside for evening the air con.

 

So a good weekend all considering....a small part of me is excited to see where I will be in a months time.....and tomorrow a wave will probably hit to teach me to stop being optimistic!

 

 

[Tom37]

Just a quick question.....is taking pain medication like paracetamol or ibuprofen going to set you back when trying to stabilise?

 

I know that there is a possibility either one may now not ‘agree’ with me like before since in wd but it’s more about setting me back in this process in the long term and ruining the 10 weeks ive done so far.

 

Thanks

[ChessieCat]

You could try taking a 1/2 dose to see how it affects you.  painkillers-in-withdrawal-aspirin-ibuprofen-paracetamol-acetaminophen-naproxen-codeine

 

[mdwstrx]

Hi.  I've taken Tylenol (paracetamol) a couple of times for headaches during this wd and didn't notice anything but wasn't looking for anything.  Just my experience.   Glad to hear you had a better day.  

 

[Tom37]

Thanks......

 

Another similar night to last night....woke after about an hour then back to sleep for about 3 to 3.5 hours then back for another hour then back for another 30mind so getting 5 to 6 hours but in stages.....plenty of quite vivid dreaming going on. Was a very warm night after such a hot day so thought did well.

 

Have women feeling like I have done past two days so hopefully it’s another ‘better’ day. Just would love 1 day where the aching was significantly reduced all day then that would really give me hope it will go.

 

Another 34 degree day today so office will be good place to be then probably going for another swim if feeling ok.

 

Bit frustrated morning about how slow this recovery is and questioning weather I can mentally get through it without spiraling into an anxious state but I guess I should have more confidence in myself....just can’t wsit for the day I don’t have to either deal with this or even think about it. Use to use the ‘this to shall pass’ thought about the aching but after it going on so long given up on that phrase.

 

 

[RachelSusan]

I wanted to second what mdwstrx said.  I also took Tylenol (paracetamol) during withdrawal with no problem. Good luck.

[Tom37]

Thanks Rachel.

 

Tough day mentally today....struggling to see that this will ever end.

 

Think it’s because symptoms are different today plus general wd probably affecting me.....woke to the the body feeling free from the aching and really relaxed and have a sense that it just wants to sleep...totally the opposite of aching....but that also brings out the out of  sync/wobbly weird feeling and while reduced still kinda there.

 

I guess as it’s almost been three months of this and still no sign of stabilising as symptoms still up and down....this just wears you down so much. Everyone says stabilising happens but today is a day when could be told a million times and still wouldn’t make a difference. Can handle the mental issues that wd creates it’s the constant physical things that always get me.

 

Its only 11am too so long day ahead. Great.

[RachelSusan]

Hi Tom,

Some days you just have to live through it.  You get up and are so uncomfortable you can't wait for the day to end and to find relaxation in sleep.  But then you can't sleep through the night.  I had primarily physical symptoms and so I do understand. Just get through the day and then the next... I never thought I would heal, but I did.  Good thoughts that you heal as soon as possible.

RS

[Tom37]

Thanks Rachel....I hope your doing well with your taper and everything is well with you. 

 

Its definitely wd causing most of these mental symptoms today.....became very obvious earlier on....it’s like I’m two different people and some of the thoughts are just ridiculous. 

 

That’s the way it goes I guess....nothing I can do apart from cope the best I can and wait this thing out.

[Tom37]

Well got through the day. 

 

Went for another swim after work as really hot again...34 degrees. Didn’t really feel like going but better than coming home and doing nothing which would just have confirmed how I felt.

 

Thought how I felt this morning it might have been an aching free day finally but of course that can’t happen.Wd just likes to totally mess with you by stopping areas that were aching but new of course new areas have started....wonderful and thanks.

 

Mentally felt bit better this arvo but at times still think this whole stabilising thing is a lost cause.....but I will stay the distance.

[Tom37]

Horrible night....slept in lounge as hot as 37 degrees here yesterday so could have air con but that was too loud, fridge was too loud...even with air plugs.....plus add going hot then cold plus normal physical symptoms plus thinking horrible thoughts. Only got about two hours sleep.

 

I don’t know how long I can keep going with this if things don’t improve.....battling really hard at the moment.

 

Mind keeps thinking the only way this will stop is if I’m no longer here as nothing can be done. Terrible thoughts.

 

In the middle of wd in a heat wave is absolutely no fun especially at night when hate noise and being hot.

 

 

 

 

[DaveB]

36 minutes ago, Tom37 said:

Horrible night....slept in lounge as hot as 37 degrees here yesterday so could have air con but that was too loud, fridge was too loud...even with air plugs.....plus add going hot then cold plus normal physical symptoms plus thinking horrible thoughts. Only got about two hours sleep.

 

I don’t know how long I can keep going with this if things don’t improve.....battling really hard at the moment.

 

Mind keeps thinking the only way this will stop is if I’m no longer here as nothing can be done. Terrible thoughts.

 

In the middle of wd in a heat wave is absolutely no fun especially at night when hate noise and being hot.

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry man, we will get through this, remember it wasn’t too long ago you were doing really well. Just windows and waves, it will turn around for you!

[Tom37]

Definitely now in a wave.....feel absolutely unwell....it’s horrible....hopefully be feeling better in a day or two as that is how it’s gone last few times....think the going hot and cold are the new symptoms for this wave along with the feeling of just being so unwell.

[Tom37]

To any moderators out there....i know it seems I’m seeking reassurance and I guess I am but just making sure that these waves I’m still getting are to be expected even after almost three months of trying to stabilise.....just I guess hoping they would be further apart if they did keep coming but that isn’t happening.

 

Should I also keep getting new symptoms like I am this far out? That I find is the hardest part to deal with.

[mdwstrx]

I'm sorry it's bad today; especially the horrible thoughts.  But they're only thoughts; note them as such and let them pass.  We all have them when we feel so bad and it's very normal.  This is temporary   Find your inner source of strength and turn 'It' over.  Mine has NEVER failed me and I am praying for you too. 🙏

 

I've had the hot flushing last week or so and it's no fun, especially for sleeping.  Have you tried the fish oil they recommend on here so highly?  I started taking one each night before bed and have slept well since.  I gave a few to a friend who has trouble sleeping.  She took them three nights in a row and slept 8 hrs each night.  She ran out and the 4th night didn't sleep well.  She's ordered her own now.  It's call RX Omega 3 EPA 400 mg/DHA 200 mg by Natural Factors.  You can find them here assuming you can access the same Amazon page I do.  You can also take one during the day.  They are calming.

 

[RachelSusan]

Hi Tom,

It is brutal.  I am not a mod but I can tell you I am always getting new symptoms.  I am two and a half years in and for the most part the tapering is going well, but I still get a few symptoms and while most are some of my old favorites (that's a joke) I do sometimes get new symptoms.  I think it is just to keep me on my toes and paying attention. Again, I make l light of my situation but none of it is lighthearted. Your situation is difficult and I hate to see you suffer so.  I think you mentioned the air conditioner doesn't reach to the room you sleep in. Is there anyway you can change rooms or is there anyway you can invest in something for just that one room?  Withdrawal is a roller coaster ride that is for sure. But yes, in my experience ups and downs and new symptoms are very par for the course.

[Tom37]

Thanks guys....

 

Just feeling like this will never end at the moment which means you lose hope.

 

Stabilising seems to be a cruel joke. 

 

If I had windows that were symptom free then could take the waves but that doesn’t happen. 

 

Also feel like it’s never going to end as still on the medication so if I don’t stabilise then I’m totally screwed.

 

It’s no way to live that’s for sure.

 

 

[Tom37]

Well survived another work day.

 

Definitely back in another wave which I should have seen coming yesterday but ignored how i was feeling and was hoping for just an ‘off’ day.

 

This flu like feeling is absolutely nailing me this afternoon. Also going bit hot and cold then tingly. No appetite and occasionally when it’s bad feel like want to be sick. Weird that aching has been far less today and so far it’s three days with no neck aching. Hoping that after this wave my general condition improves and the deep neck ache stays away.....although I’m sure wd will kindly replace it with something else which makes me wonder if making any progress if one symptom is just replaced by another....if they are not replaced then will feel like getting somewhere.

 

Definitely not been easy on my relationship. We do talk about it and I hate putting her through this and she hates seeing me like this. I often just want to be left alone to deal with it so not really much of a relationship at the moment. Which really does annoy me as I need to be there for her but I also need to make sure I’m doing what I need to get through this. She is so supportive though and don’t know where I would be without her.

 

Never thought three months later would still be in the thick of this.

[jozeff]

Hi Tom I'm sorry you are still struggling so much. It is unbelievable how strong these medications are.

 

I know it's hard to have a fulfilling relationship while in withdrawal or a feeling depressed. one moment you need an arm around your shoulder but the next you want to be left alone. This is pretty hard to understand for someone not in that position.

 

I've had my share of arguments about that at home......

 

I just checked out your tapering and you must be having some success sooner or later. I think you did a very reasonable taper and you just hit a wall and you have to wait. From what I have read this is just an obstacle and you will jump over it anytime soon I guess.

 

I hope you have a better day and get some energy to fight with WD

 

Good luck!!!

 

 

Jozeff

 

[Tom37]

Bit of a better night last night...about 5 hours in stages...wasn’t as hot but quite humid.

 

Still in this wave this morning so will be another day to just get through as best I can.

 

Periods like this when feel so unwell physically where would happily swap for some wd anxiety or depression instead to just give me a break from it always been physical suffering.

 

In bit of ‘should stop taking medication completely as not getting anywhere on it etc’ phase but should pass when feeling better....which hopefully isn’t far away but nothing is certain in this.

[mdwstrx]

Glad to see you got better sleep and i'm hoping this wave passes quickly.  I'm sorry it's so difficult.  As you know, I found that after a pretty bad wave, the next 'window' saw things settled down considerably.  Not perfect and some times are worse than others (even during the same day) but manageable. I don't know if another bad wave is coming but the length of this 'window' was not expected.  I am hoping the same for you as I imagine this is how 'it' will resolve slowly.  

 

Also, I'm pretty sure going off med totally at this point would make matters far worse....  so, as I'm sure you would, please seek advice from those in the know here before even considering. 

 

[Carmie]

Hi Tom, 

 

Thanks for dropping over to my thread. I’m sorry you’re having a rough day, but I’m glad you slept okay. 

 

It can take a long time to stabilise sometimes, but you will be get there. I remember going through a shocker a couple of years ago where I couldn’t get out of bed for more than three months, the withdrawals played havoc with my illness. At the time I actually thought I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed again until I was off the meds, but I did stabilise. I was even telling my friends that I’d be stuck in bed until the end of this journey.

 

It’s so easy to think we will never stabilise again when we are going through waves. Our brains play tricks on us and we go into the ‘this is never going to end’ mode. Last year I went into a some really long waves that lasted for many months, I always stabilised eventually though. You will eventually get there too. We all wish it would happen quicker though. Come on windows, arrive a little quicker!

 

Sending hugs🤗