Tom37: Lexapro taper

[eymen23]

1 hour ago, Tom37 said:

No valium  used either.

 

Well done Tom, please try to remember this wave and what happened with your sleep when you trusted in your body and let things be. 

 

Hopefully the improvements continue. 

[Tom37]

Thanks @eymen23 much appreciated.

[Tom37]

So today as been better since this wave hit but still in it and a way off baseline. Finally got some sleep so hopefully that continues. Did wake twice during the night but that isn’t unusual for me and one time was with a bad stomach so annoyingly had to get up. Just have to watch for any sleep anxiety after the recent issues especially if don’t gave a good night tonight.

 

Just still not feeling too good physically  but its tolerable so worked as normal but just from home. Horrible sense of fear coming and going is the worst. If that can go away then be a lot more comfortable and I’m sure it will as a typical ‘wave’ symptom.

 

Time for a gentle walk on possibly our coldest day so far which is 9c being the high....and yes believe it or not that is cold to us. A very temperate climate here.

 

Hopefully passed the peak of this wave but we shall see. Not sure about others but nearly always reach a peak then starts to ease until back to baseline.

[Dejavu]

I'm very glad to read this. I can pretty much say the same for myself. If this bladder pain would take a hike, I could deal with the rest. I get what you mean about the peak just before improvement. That's how it seems to work for me, too.

 

I sure hope sleep isn't an issue for you tonight, but don't be despondent if you still have a bit of an issue until the wave passes. Not trying to jinx you, just trying to point out that even though you're improving, you're still susceptible to symptoms at the moment, and insomnia had unfortunately been one of your symptoms this time. And, being able to sleep last night proves it IS merely a product of this wave, so no need to worry any further about that. 

 

And maybe if I continue to ramble on, I'll bore you to sleep...lol!!

 

Seriously though, glad we're both starting to see daylight. We need to grab @Vonnegutjunky and @Rosetta and bring them along!

[Vonnegutjunky]

Yes please!!! I’ll go with you guys to some beautiful widows!! 

[Tom37]

Another night of 5 to 6 hours sleep and only one wake up after 5 or so hours. Did admittedly have bit of sleep anxiety but no physical anxiety symptoms or anything more just thoughts about it so did take longer to go to sleep. 

 

Not even out of bed yet as early on a Saturday morning and it’s cold so good excuse for a little lie in but still feel in this wave so shall see how the day goes.

 

Has anyone ever experienced a big wave or what feels like a setback after exercise? Understand exercise can increase symptoms if you do too much but what about an actual setback as in taking away some of the progress you have made?

 

[Songbird]

On 7/4/2019 at 1:25 PM, Tom37 said:

If you have any tips on dealing with nights of no sleep do let me know.

 

What worked for me was relaxation exercises such as progressive muscle relaxation, and a sleep hypnosis CD.

 

On 7/5/2019 at 7:36 AM, Tom37 said:

Finally managed some sleep. Got around 5 to 6 hours so that is very pleasing. Still early where I am but definitely feeling  better for it. Still in this wave but hopefully it’s coming to an end as was actually far more comfortable in bed last night than at any other point during it. No valium  used either.

 

That's great!

 

On 7/5/2019 at 3:24 PM, Tom37 said:

Just have to watch for any sleep anxiety after the recent issues especially if don’t gave a good night tonight.

 

What helped me with sleep anxiety was to repeat to myself "whatever happens, I'll handle it".

[Tom37]

Thanks @Songbird. I know deep down I can handle whatever gets thrown my way I guess it’s more that I’m trying to get through this by staying working and being fully functional so this wave scared me because it rendered me non functional for a few days. But I try to focus on the fact it was a wave and all waves come to an end and eventually this whole process will end too.

 

So, another 5.5 to 6 hours sleep last night. Took a while to go to sleep as still getting over the insomnia phase. Wish I could just see it like I had a headache or something!

 

Felt a bit better again yesterday so slowly coming out of this wave and hopefully that continues. The neuro fear was gone all day so that made everything that much better. Still have a few symptoms but they are reduced but still can tell my ‘body’ isn’t recovered yet. The nervous system still out of whack I guess. 

 

Did wake this morning to quite a lot of waves of tingling going through my body which feels weird but isn’t painful or anything major so just another sign of something trying to fix itself.

 

Sunday here so back to work tomorrow. Little bit nervous you could say about going back to office after this week but it must be done as avoidance only breeds more anxiety.

 

Crazy how long it can take for a nervous system to heal and settle down.

[Danalee13]

On 12/3/2018 at 5:35 PM, Tom37 said:

Hello,

 

So today I woke after about 5 hours sleep which is not bad at all for me. First time since this started I fell asleep quite quickly and then fell back asleep during the night.

 

Decided I needed to try to go back into the office today as avoiding it was only re enforcing negative thoughts about not being capable.

 

Anyway work went relatively fine and while still not well I managed. Today was all about just feeling really unwell again with a little bit of weird anxiety which is nothing like I have ever felt before. Also more tired than have been but I guess that’s to be expected  when your body is going through this.

 

So I’m pleased I went in but until I get some form of stability with symptoms there is always the wonder what will tomorrow/tonight bring which leads to will I be good enough for work tomorrow?....so trying to work on that secondary fear with all the cbt I know plus I guess not being too hard on myself.

 

So day 8 since this started and yes things have improved but still very up and down.

 

Also working on ‘accepting’ my situation and realising that it more than likely will be months and not weeks before I’m somewhere back to where I was.

 

Not sure how long you give an up dose to stabilise before realising it’s failed. And what do I wait for? Symptoms still there but significantly less but consistent every day? Symptoms basically gone? A return to how you were pre symptoms?

 

 

 

Hi Tom and all - so glad I found this website. I feel like I have other people to discuss my own lexapro issues with. To everyone reading - I am feeling exact symptoms as Tom but want to make my own post because I have succumbed to using benzos since I started. I physically could not do it without it. I was prescribed the lowest dose of Valium. I want to explain in s new post what I’m going through. I have been in lexapro for 6-7 years.  I was too afraid to come. And then all  of a sudden I said I’m doing it!!!! 20 mg start of taper mid December of 2018. I quit weed when I used to be s huge weed smoker as well because it was NOT helping. I would greatly beyond appreciate it if you guys would search for my

post and help me out a bit. I am majorly struggling. 

 

I am now on FIVE MG and inside I feel effing amazing because IM DOING IT!!!! But I’m also majorly struggling in pure, pure panic. Please read my post.  I am about to write one explaining my drug issues and everything I am on. Xx to all!

 

Edited July 7, 2019 by ChessieCat
removed obscenity

[Dejavu]

8 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Crazy how long it can take for a nervous system to heal and settle down.

Isn't it though? I'm glad to hear your wave is settling a bit. And very glad you're getting sleep. 

[Tom37]

Another night of 6 or so hours sleep so that was pleasing. Still taking longer to sleep but I’m sure in time that shall improve.

 

Think I’m out of the wave now for the most part and definitely feeling better. Felt really good yesterday afternoon which was great so will see how the rest of the week goes and will see if my baseline has improved.

 

Last wave has really knocked my confidence about this whole withdrawal though. I thought I was at a point where I may have been able to start planning ahead again and committing to do things but don’t think I’m there yet which is so so frustrating and to be honest upsetting.

 

Trying to remain positive that one day life will return to normal but some days that’s just plain hard to do.

[Dejavu]

I'm glad you're almost out of it. Hope I'm right behind you. Understand also about the loss of confidence. But perhaps this wave was the last stop before stabilty. Hang in there!

[Vonnegutjunky]

Your wave sound like mine Tom, the neuro fear and incapacitation, then the next day you feel significantly better. 

 

Crazy how sometimes in just hours we can feel so much different!!!

[Tom37]

@Vonnegutjunky yip it sure is. Have had times when it’s changed like flicking a switch.

 

Sleep continues to be my normal which is 5 to 6 hours a night or sometimes more. Been feeling quite good today so hopefully everything is settling down after this wave. Still have the odd symptom but very low in instensity. The only ones that makes you know your in wd would be the odd myoclonic jerk and just the feeling of not being quite right. 

 

Not much else to say other than hope this improvement continues but it’s wd so who knows.

[Dejavu]

How are you doing Tom?

[sunnysideup69]

Hi Tom,

How are you? Haven't been around much as made some dose changes and not settled yet. Also felt strangely guilty about making that decision, then realised that was odd thinking.

Back now and checking people out.....hope you're feeling better. If you're still waving, sending you support.

Ruth x

[Tom37]

Hey @Dejavu @Ruthmcg

 

Came out of my wave and have been feeling pretty good. Not symptom free but had days when almost like that. Symptoms I have been dealing with are not new ones just ones that have come and gone throughout this whole thing. Been working and doing normal every day things without much issue. At times feel so close to resuming normal life but still so far away. Sleep has been back to my normal over last two weeks - 6 or so hours a night.

 

Although think I may been entering a wave as bad sleep last night. Just couldn’t stop thinking about loads of different and weird stuff when normally not the case and wonderful nausea feeling started overnight and has carried on and just not feeling too good. Hopefully a false alarm but we shall see!

 

Overall just been at my baseline which is ever so slowly improving. Trying to remain positive that I will get there but because it takes so long it’s hard to see your progress despite how others think you have improved.

 

Just can wait to be able to go to bed at night and to wake in the morning knowing that I’m going to be well and not in wd. Something you never think about until you experience something like this.

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Great stuff- it'll happen. Sending you good vibes 

[Tom37]

Still feeling not very good with the nausea feeling and just not well. Woke at 2.30 with bad wd headache but did go back to sleep to 4.30. When ever get a headache always on the left side of my head starting at the back. Weird. Feeling bit scared about things too. Along with total frustrating about this whole thing. 

 

Thankfully it’s friday and only half day at work. If only these stupid waves would stop. Feel like after a wave my baseline improves but by like only 1 percent each time so still along way to go.

[Tom37]

Day over thankfully and a lot more busy and stressful than expected. Relying on others to do things can be a total nightmare at times but got there in the end. Do find these type of days far more challenging especially any form of disagreement or confrontation, just can’t handle it like I use too.

 

Still in this wave which so far has been more tolerable compared to previous ones few. Just the annoying weird nausea feeling, feeling bit shaky like I’m sick, emotionally more sensitive to everything with bit of fear thrown in. Thankfully no proper insomnia, body jerking or feeling flu like.

 

A few days off so hopefully feeling better by Monday.

[Tom37]

Still in this wave even though it’s less intense still frustrating and unpleasant. The sense of being bit scared of certain things is the worst part and wonder if it’s the wave or me scared I won’t be able to handle certain things because of how I feel but in reality it’s probably mainly the wave with a little bit of me.

 

Sleeping ok at 5 to 6 hours a night but bit scared full on insomnia will return as in a wave so trying to  work on not all waves are the same and just because it happened last time doesn’t mean it will happen again.

 

Weekend here and wet so good excuse to rest and take care of the things that need to be done.

[mdwstrx]

Hi Tom.  Sorry you're still in the wave; but happy it's not too bad.  That fear/uncomfortable feeling is so existential, or at least it was/is for me when in wd.  It's like night and day when you're in a window.  Glad to hear you're sleeping ok.  That makes a huge difference. Hoping your recovery continues and this waves washes away quickly.

 

I did a 2.7% reduction for the first time today since my mini may crash. 

So far so good but it takes a few days to register.  Hopefully it will go smoothly.  I've been feeling much better the last week or so.  

 

Take good care. 💜

[Tom37]

Wave still going....actually feeling bit worse this morning so that’s frustrating although did go out last night for a few hours but was still home by 8.30pm but maybe it was just too much. No alcohol or anything. Just the nausea and feeling unwell plus headaches are the problems. Emotionally still bit of fear and getting weird memories and random images of people when trying to go back to sleep......typical weird wd stuff....you would never believe it unless gone through it.

 

Hopefully it starts to ease up in next couple of days as feeling like you want to vomit constantly is no fun but the emotional symptoms are the worse.

 

Still sleeping ok ish but it has been affected. Woke this morning at 3.30am after about 4.5 to 5 hours with a headache and couldnt go back to sleep due to symptoms. If there is one thing I wish could change would be to go back to sleeping like I use to pre SSRI. 7 to 8 hours every night with no wakings. 

[sunnysideup69]

8 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Still sleeping ok ish but it has been affected. Woke this morning at 3.30am after about 4.5 to 5 hours with a headache and couldnt go back to sleep due to symptoms. If there is one thing I wish could change would be to go back to sleeping like I use to pre SSRI. 7 to 8 hours every night with no wakings. 

 

Oh my gosh, tell me about it. I miss that sleep, too.

Hope this wave ends for you very soon x

[Tom37]

@Ruthmcg Annoyingly the only side effect I got from taking the ssri was disrupted sleep. I was hoping sleep would improve the lower I got but think will have to be totally off before it will eventually return to normal. 

 

Anyway.....today was probably toughest day of this wave with how I felt. It’s just this nausea and being unwell feeling that does it. Complete loss of appetite, a headache and emotionally not quite right and it all adds up.

 

Its actually been a very average last month or so with only about a week of feeling ‘better’ so hopefully in a slump period and will soon rise up again. Had periods like this before but just so frustrating how this works as in quite a few ways I feel significantly better yet waves still persists, just cycling along doing there thing until the brain and cns gets back to where it wants to be.

[Tom37]

Been a week since late update.....

 

Starting feeling a lot better last Monday and for the whole of this week was probably feeling the best I’d felt so far. Felt so much better at work, was sleeping 6 to 7 hours of deep sleep. Still wasn’t feeling ‘normal’ but probably between 80 and 90 percent for most of it. Fully functional.

 

Unfortunatly entered into another wave last night. Feels very similar to the last one with same constant headache, nausea, feeling so unwell, going all tingly in my body along with some horrible fear and generally anxiety along with the weird mental images/memories. 

 

Actually hit me pretty hard and after feeling so much better it’s been hard to handle. Also no sleep last night because of the symptoms hasnt helped. 

 

 

[Tom37]

Sunday done....not been the easiest day but not the worst either. Weird anxious thoughts and fear being the worse of the symptoms. Hopefully will actually get some sleep tonight if symptoms allow.

 

Trying to remind myself that a year or two of going through wd is actually a very small part of your life although not easy.

 

One more week to get through then three weeks holiday. Hoping to go away but will see how wd is treating me.

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

@Tom37

Keep going, Tom. This wave will pass again. Good you have some time off coming up. Getting stable really can be 'the long game,' can't it? And not a very fun game, to boot. I hope you do manage to get a holiday away, it can be such a tonic to have a change of scenery.

[Tom37]

Thanks @Ruthmcg

 

I’m sure this wave will pass even though they never feels like they will. Managed a decent sleep last night so that has helped.

 

Just crazy how much adjusting the brain/cns needs to do to correct itself. At least I’m getting decent windows which should be a clear sign of healing and eventual recovery.

 

Really do hope I get to get away for a few says at least just for the change of scenery and to give me an extra incentive to keep carrying on knowing what life will be like once through this.

 

[Tom37]

Hi all,

 

In addition to being in a wave I also have tooth ache which is from an old filling that needs to be replaced. It was fine but after the dental hygienist last week it’s caused a constant ache so have an appointment to get it sorted.

 

My concern is the numbing injection that is used and if that will cause any issues due to wd? Not sure exactly what they use but in NZ it’s commonly xylocaine which I think is another name for lidocaine. If any members have advice on this let me know.

 

Otherwise may just have to tough it out injection free.

[Cheeky]

Hey Tom,

how have you been ?

[Tom37]

Almost a month since last update. So here goes.......

 

Haven’t actually been doing that great. Just been feeling not too well and no good windows like I was getting. Symptoms have been coming and going and changing around as they do. The last two weeks sleep as been very average with the odd good night in between. Seem to be getting 4 to 5 hours a night compared to the 6 to 7 I was getting. I’m still functional and doing what I need to do but I haven’t been able to do extra things that I want to. I did try to be positive and attenpted to start doing some swimming but injured my shoulder so been in some discomfort because of that. It also made me feel worse the day after so was a waste of time anyway. Looks like it’s still just walking for me.

 

Been on holiday for last three weeks but haven’t been able to go away other than a couple of day trips as just not feeling up to it which has been disappointing. Don’t like being away from home when not doing too good.

 

No idea why I haven’t been feeling too good after feeling much better. Doesn’t even feel like in a proper wave just a decrease in my overall baseline or maybe just find my current symptoms are harder to deal with. Maybe I’m just going through a slump and things will improve again soon.....who knows but it does get me concerned at times.

 

Because of not doing too good I have been struggling with the whole ‘what’s the point’ thinking so that’s not been great either. Definitely have times when can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. But carry on as best I can and hope for the best.....not much else you can do.

 

So 9 and half months out from my big crash and still trying to stabilise. Sorry it’s not a positive update but it’s where I’m at.

 

[RachelSusan]

Ah Tom, I am so sorry you haven't been feeling very good. This is really the worst thing to try and recover from. This stabilizing thing is like a roller coaster ride. It's a nasty ride that we all want off of. I crashed in 2016 and reinstated then started a slower taper.  It really took until the beginning of 2019 for me to start feeling pretty good. I am only telling you this so you don't feel that you are the only one. I recall how awful it was and I really feel for you. I hope you catch a break real soon. There is lots of good life waiting for you, and you will get there.

[Tom37]

Thanks @RachelSusan

 

Hopefully will see a change for the better soon. 

 

Take care.

[Dejavu]

Tom, good to hear from you. I'm pretty much where you are in terms of how I feel and what I am able to do. 10 months post-crash for me too. My worst symptom is blurry vision (mostly in my left eye) which varies in severity but has been a real bear lately. And now, I have come down with a nasty cold, so I'm nursing that as well. 10 months is not long in the wonderful world of withdrawal. Try to remember that compared to where we both were last November, it's a massive improvement. Keep your chin up. You'll get there.

[mdwstrx]

Hey Tom!  Been wondering how you were doing.  Sorry you're not feeling better but hopefully much, much better than the original crash.  I know as I continue to taper, I'm having ups and downs but nothing like that awful acute wd.  It's a very frustrating process but at some point, I came to accept this is my life and then decided to make the best of it day by day.  I don't know if I'll ever make zero but that's my goal.  Today I am lower than I was months ago.  So It's a success for me, even if the good Lord calls me home today.

 

When I went through a divorce and empty nest at the same time a few years back, I was miserable.  I bought a little plaque to hang in the bedroom that says "Happiness is something you decide ahead of time."  It took me awhile to understand it and put it into practice but... it's a good reminder; that even in our less than good times, we can choose a positive attitude.  That wasn't necessarily so for me in acute wd because the symptoms affected my ability to have a clear perspective.  But now, in tapering, it's kind of become my motto.  Today is going to pass one way or another.  Might as well look at the glass half full.  Now, if I can just employ the above today and every day....  

 

Are you still using the nondrug techniques here on the site?  Maybe they can offer you some relief.  Being on holiday for 3 weeks has to be a good thing since you can relax, even just at home.  Beats having to struggle through work when not 100%.  I don't mean to sound Polyanna-ish or make light of your suffering, but I do know I've found that attitude is a very powerful motivator.   Unfortunately, too often I look at the glass half empty and when I get really low, end up having to kick myself to shift the paradigm.  Wishing you well and praying that stabilization comes quickly.