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Tom37

Tom37: Lexapro taper

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sunnysideup69

@Tom37, of course, take your time, hoping you get some good rest today and that your mind eases. Sorry it's rough right now, has all the signs of a tough wave what with thinking you won't recover. You will, even if it doesn't seem so right now. Rest well, eat well, sleep, gentle movement.

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Tom37

Definitely a tough wave but managed to make it through a work day. A few meetings as well where I was the lead and everything seem to go well. No idea how i managed so pleased with myself.

 

Wave still hitting hard so no let up as yet. It does wax and wane but that’s about it. Wish the harder the wave meant the bigger the healing but doesn’t seem to work like that. Only positive is that I’ve lost a couple of kg’s since it started as only eating enough to get by due to nausea and zero appetite. Have a terrible taste in mouth and lovely breath so something happening in my stomach.

 

Hopefully a better night ahead.

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Tom37

Better sleep last night at 5.5 hours without waking but as usual struggle to go back to sleep especially now the birds are going hard from 4am. Have felt a bit better physically today in some ways but how I feel each day seems to slightly change as this wave continues. Emotionally a bit better but still can change from wd emotions to ‘me’ quickly although seems to be worse in the morning. One thing I don’t think I will ever forget is how you can feel ‘fear’ over such stupid things. If you didn’t experience it you would never believe it.

 

Work has been more manageable which is always good.

 

Usually my waves ease over a few days but this doesn’t have that feeling yet so expecting it to carry on.

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sunnysideup69

Hey Tom, did your wave abate in the end?

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thelegend

Hey Tom, how you doing? hopefully your wave ended and you are doing much better!

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Tom37

Yip wave ended....feeling a bit average at the moment but I’m had this ‘feeling’ before and it will pass...might be a mini wave but who knows.....was feeling really good before it started so hopefully will get back to that soon.

 

Thanks 

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Tom37

Think I have now lurched back into a wave. Very similar to the last one a few weeks ago but not as intense....same symptoms but slightly different. Feel that I could be on a ‘cycle’ of the same type of waves at the moment. Have had them before where I get three or four almost the same waves yet slightly different with a week or two in between and they then stop......maybe it’s the brain attempting to repair something and not getting it right so keeps doing it until it does then it moves on to something else...but who knows as it’s wd.

 

Summer down here now and getting hot so another thing to deal with.

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Tom37

Still in this wave....better sleep last night but still not like when out of a wave but to be expected. Same very vivid dreams which thankfully aren’t bad ones or anything. Weekend here so a few days to rest up and look after myself. Bit frustrated after feeling so much better for a couple of months to be back in a cycle of waves and windows fairly close to each other but I guess it’s just part of this process. 

 

Mental/emotional symptoms not as bad compared to the last wave but still not pleasant. Random memories are coming back like I was getting earlier but instead of being from when a child it’s more now from when I’m older....weird. Also getting random thoughts about weird stuff that are completely not related to what I’m doing of thinking about which is weird. If you mentioned this to anyone they would think your going crazy!

 

Hope everyone is doing ok snd doing the best they can.

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Tom37

Still in this latest wave. Actually felt better on Sunday so was expecting that it was coming to an end but was not to be as woke up feeling like I did through most of last week. It’s not enough to make me non functional or anything but it’s definitely not pleasant especially when getting through the work day and I find it harder to sleep when I feel like this. 

 

Hopefully over the the next week or two will be back to feeling better but definitely feels like I’ve gone backwards after feeling a lot better. I know my ‘healing’ that has happened so far hasn’t gone away but you really do question if you are making any progress and if it will ever end. Thought this summer would be significantly better than the last but so far it’s not much better.

 

 

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sunnysideup69
33 minutes ago, Tom37 said:

Still in this latest wave. Actually felt better on Sunday so was expecting that it was coming to an end but was not to be as woke up feeling like I did through most of last week. It’s not enough to make me non functional or anything but it’s definitely not pleasant especially when getting through the work day and I find it harder to sleep when I feel like this. 

 

Hopefully over the the next week or two will be back to feeling better but definitely feels like I’ve gone backwards after feeling a lot better. I know my ‘healing’ that has happened so far hasn’t gone away but you really do question if you are making any progress and if it will ever end. Thought this summer would be significantly better than the last but so far it’s not much better.

 

 

 

What a pain but, as you already know, this is common. I think previous cuts can take ages to catch up and then resolve. Plus, you've had a change of temperature. I posted something from 'The Lovely Grind' in success stories....don't know if you've seen it. It /he is very reassuring, gives me hope when I am feeling like this is never ending. Hang on in there, you've been doing really well and you will again.

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Tom37

Thanks @sunnysideup69 ....i have watched a few videos from him and they definitely did help me. 

 

Still not feeling too good today but its doable. Do stress about about wd stopping me from working. Even though I know I got through it in the depths of early withdrawal my mind still can let that thought go. Try to cbt it but it still comes back in waves.m yet when I’m out of a wave hardly think about it.

 

Definitely been a tough last month since the last big wave so hopefully this cycle eases soon and will allow me to have another extended period of feeling better.

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thelegend

Sorry to hear this Tom, I keep telling myself like you did, “next summer will be much better than this one”, or “next christmas I will be much better,” I hope when I get there these things are actually true!

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sunnysideup69
5 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Thanks @sunnysideup69 ....i have watched a few videos from him and they definitely did help me. 

 

Still not feeling too good today but its doable. Do stress about about wd stopping me from working. Even though I know I got through it in the depths of early withdrawal my mind still can let that thought go. Try to cbt it but it still comes back in waves.m yet when I’m out of a wave hardly think about it.

 

Definitely been a tough last month since the last big wave so hopefully this cycle eases soon and will allow me to have another extended period of feeling better.

 

Yes, I have that thought, too. As you say, it's a bit of a returner, like a boomerang. Wishing you another extended window...you've made such good progress.

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Tom37

Was feeling slightly better today but not by much.

 

Going through a period where just absolutely had enough of withdrawal. Just can’t see that it’s ever going to end. How it makes life a constant battle. Even when your feeling better it’s still like a noose around your head because you know what’s to come. Then take into account the things that you have lost or could lose because of it and it just makes it even worse. I had so much hope in the first 6 months that this would be done with soonish and normal life would resume and that really kept me going but that hope has been fading and fading over the last month or so to today where just feeling totally hopeless and it’s a lost cause. It’s ridiculous as well that in the last year since wd started I’ve had the most life stressors happen in that period than in the ten years previous...you just wonder if it’s all worth it.

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thelegend

I know @Tom37 I am right there with you! Think of how far you have come, how much better you are now than in the beginning. It won’t be like this forever, you got this, keep the faith and keep on plugging!

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sunnysideup69

@Tom37, I second what @thelegend says. Your brain is still healing. I'm sure you do this already......but look at this past year in the context of your whole life. I KNOW it FEELS like an eternity that will never end, but one day, you will look back on it as a blip....albeit an intense and painful one.

You will recover, keep looking forward.

.

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Tom37

Thanks @thelegend and @sunnysideup69

 

Just one of those periods we all go through during this journey. I’m sure I’ll start to be more positive when I get out of this slump I’m in. 

 

May not always post on your threads especially when I’m doing better but always following you and a few others who are in similar situations to us. We will all get there one day.

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rola

@Tom37

hello tom

 I hope this wave will pass fast you all have my support even though it is not easy

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Tom37

Thanks.....another tough day ahead...not much sleep and feel rubbish plus mentally struggling.

 

To go from feeling so much better to struggling for the last month is so hard to deal with. Earlier on the better periods weren’t that great and didn’t last for too long so the fall wasn’t as big. Now just trying to get through the day but I always have the fear about not being able to cope at work and that I won’t be well enough to handle what comes my way. But then also wonder how I would cope with not working☹️.

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RuuRee

Hey Tom,

 

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone as I am currently going through the same thing. I stopped taking Lexapro in August and things went down hill pretty fast in the beginning of October, and I’ve been drowning in the waves ever since (even after introducing Prozac). I also have the same fears that you do with work and such so I completely understand what that’s like and I also know how hard it is to have any hope at all that things will get better. I hope this wave of yours passes soon. Try to stay positive!

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rola
41 minutes ago, Tom37 said:

Merci ..... une autre journée difficile à venir ... pas beaucoup de sommeil et se sentir des ordures plus mal mentalement.

 

Passer de se sentir tellement mieux à se battre pour le mois dernier est si difficile à gérer. Plus tôt, les meilleures périodes n'étaient pas très bonnes et n'ont pas duré trop longtemps, donc la chute n'a pas été aussi importante. Maintenant, j'essaie juste de passer la journée, mais j'ai toujours peur de ne pas être capable de faire face au travail et je ne serai pas assez bien pour supporter ce que je vais faire. Mais aussi me demande comment je faire face à ne pas travailler ☹️ .

@Tom37

Hello
tom tries not to think too much about work, it's not easy but does not think about it.
you will inevitably be anxious even more.
let things come and everything will be fine.
even if it's hard to hang on

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Katy398

I too fully understand, I CTed on lexapro.

I totally identify with concerns about working and concerns about not working.

Take each day as it comes and try to be kind to yourself.  You will get through this, you really will. We have to stick together and support each other.  

Waves are times of healing. 

Take care my thoughts are with you,

Kx

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Tom37

Thanks you guys for your posts today. Really appreciate it. Hope your all doing ok considering what we are dealing with.

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RuuRee

Katy is right, we have to stick together! It is not easy to find people who understand what you are going through - this website gives me hope. Today has been extremely rough - worst day of the week. I have a lot going on with work started a new project as the Project Manager so I am TERRIFIED. Also new to the role so that doesn’t help. I’m just hoping I can at least get through the next two weeks. @Tom37 do you have any suggestions for getting through stress at work? 

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Tom37

@RuuRee....sorry to hear you had a tough day but if you got through that then be proud of yourself and remember it for future bad days.

 

Depends on what you find stressful I guess. For me I can’t handle any confrontation or even a normal argument so I avoid them as much as possible and avoid certain people who I find hard to deal with. Try to break tasks down to small bits as easy to get overwhelmed especially when your questioning if your well enough to actually work. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself as your dealing with a dreadful condition so performance naturally won’t be as good as when your well. Try to remember bad days don’t last forever and when you have good days maybe do a bit more if you can incase you have a period of struggling around the corner. 

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RuuRee

@Tom37 breaking down tasks is a great idea. I do like making lists so maybe that will help. Or maybe start each day with a list of things that need to be done and add on throughout the day if necessary. I hope your day tomorrow is better...you CAN do this and are capable of whatever is thrown your way. 🤗

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Tom37

Things you use to get through this will only help you when you recover....life will be so easy!

 

Hopefully tomorrow is better as today has so far been horrible but is what it is I guess. 

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thelegend
7 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Now just trying to get through the day but I always have the fear about not being able to cope at work and that I won’t be well enough to handle what comes my way. But then also wonder how I would cope with not working☹️.


I have these exact thoughts all the time. Like “what if I can’t keep working?” What will my family do? And also, how could I cope without working.

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Tom37

Managed to survive the day. I’m lucky I’m not stuck at a desk all day and have a company car so was able to get out of the office for an hour and just park up and not have to put on the act of feeling ok. Hard to describe how I feel but just feel so unwell and it kind of pulsates inside me at different levels along with bouts of nausea but the nausea doesn’t come from my stomach if that makes sense. Keep having  weird feelings of going hot in certain parts of my body. Have a horrid taste in mouth and food taste like cardboard so hard to eat. Not sleeping much with weird dreams and nightmares. Mentally I’m very sensitive to everything and just saying goodbye to my partner my eyes welled up....she was just going to work....definitely not normal!.....plus feel scared about things I normally wouldn’t.

 

The above is how I have been feeling the last month or so with some days it’s at a 3 or a 4 and others it’s 8 or a 9 but it doesn’t ever completely go. Haven’t felt at my ‘baseline’ since it started.  Feels like a long wave with higher intensity waves in amongst it which I’ve not had before so I think that is why I’m struggling more. Has anybody else experienced periods like this and then felt a lot better again?

 

Try to distract myself to get through it and think about all sorts of things to take my mind of it but it’s a constant battle.

 

My my partner keeps telling me it’s just some serious healing going on and will feel a lot better when this phase ends...I can only hope she is right.

 

 

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sunnysideup69
22 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Thanks @thelegend and @sunnysideup69

 

May not always post on your threads especially when I’m doing better but always following you and a few others who are in similar situations to us. We will all get there one day.

 

We will. When we are doing better, I think it's also important to spend time offline, so no worries there. I do the same thing.

Wishing us all a smoother new year 😊

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Tom37

Toughest night in a long time. 2am and no sleep just trying to rest but the symptoms are too high. Doesn’t matter what I do nothing helps. The mental symptoms are horrible too...scared of most things I start thinking about.....this is awful.

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sunnysideup69

@Tom37 what are your mental symptoms? If it helps to share...

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thelegend

@Tom37, I am really sorry! I am right there with you, don’t know what changed, but my last 3 days have been absolutely horrific! You will get through this and have the best window yet, it is just time.

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RuuRee

@Tom37 so sorry you are dealing with this, I am right there with you. Have you ever considered taking Melatonin at night to help you sleep? Or maybe adding a daily Magnesium supplement? Maybe talk to your doctor as those could help. And maybe invest in a weighted blanket as well, I have one and use it from time to time. I hope your day gets better! 

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Tom37

Zero sleep and while that is annoying it’s how terrible I’m feeling that is the concern. I feel so bad it won’t let me sleep.  It did give me a bit of a break for about an hour but came right back. Feel like I have the flu but I don’t and it comes over constantly, cold sweats and then really hot, weird nausea and mentally scared of weird stuff and just totally not well. Can’t see it easing either anytime soon. Thank god it’s Friday here and if I can just get through today hopefully it will start to ease by Monday.

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sunnysideup69
1 hour ago, sunnysideup69 said:

@Tom37 what are your mental symptoms? If it helps to share...

Sorry Tom, ignore this question, just read all your replies properly. If you're at work today, which am guessing you are, sending you strength and support!

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