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Tom37: Lexapro taper

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Tom37

Thanks everyone....not sure why I posted at 2am but I guess it was just a distraction from how i was feeling for those few moments and when your feeling that bad you will do anything.

 

Actually not at work today so doing a little bit from home and just taking care of myself. Probably the first time in 6 months that I have had to take a day off due to wd. I’m normally able to battle through a work day but at the moment it’s just too much. I’m hoping this monster wave is the end of these symptoms that have be plaguing me for the last 6 weeks.

 

While I know waves do pass a big one like this rams home how bad wd can be and what it potentially can take from you because if I’m like this for another couple of weeks then working could really be over with.

 

Trying to look back at all previous waves and how they passed especially a big wave where I could nt sleep at all for four nights in a row and then when out of it was sleeping normal again. Just hope that this is only at its peak for a few days like that was.

 

Maybe the bigger the wave the bigger the healing.

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mdwstrx

Hi Tom.

First, I'm really sorry to hear that waves continue to persist. It sounds like you've not stabilized fully yet if you've been experiencing waves while holding at the same mg since last year.  Is that accurate? 

Md

 

 

 

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wantrelief
4 minutes ago, Tom37 said:

Maybe the bigger the wave the bigger the healing

I wish I could remember where I've seen this stated but it appears to be true for some folks.  I am hoping it is the case for you!  

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Tom37

Hi @mdwstrx nope not stabilised as yet. Still holding my dose until I do. All my early  symptoms have gone - and there were heaps of them,  I just can’t get to feeling ‘normal’ consistently yet. Think it shows how bad my crash was as I was an absolute mess in the beginning. Definitely wasn’t expecting to still be in this situation a year later but not much I can do about it. I believe I am healing it’s just taking so long. I’m glad your doing good.

 

 Thanks @wantrelief these type of waves have been quite common all the way through for me but was expecting they  would become less intense further along I went but not to be yet. Who knows why waves can be so intense but I hope your right about the healing afterwards.

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Tom37

Half way through the day and it hasn’t gotten any better. Really is a minute by minute day and have spent most of those minutes horizontally on the couch. Can’t even watch tv or anything as just in too much discomfort......every other wave and symptom have gone so have to believe these will too. 

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mdwstrx

You've had some good and long windows so yes, I think you're healing too.  You're wise not to rush a reduction if you're not stable.  After I first started to taper again, I tried a 10% reduction on the BM slide.  It was too much too soon and put me  back into a bad wave for a month.  Take your time. You're body will tell you when if you listen.  💜

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Tom37

Thanks @mdwstrx I shall be waiting for a good while after I’m stable to start tapering as my nervous system clearly took a hammering. Yes I have had good periods and my partner thinks I’m significantly better compared to when this first happened so I know I have healed but must be still a way to go. It’s these big waves that totally knock your confidence and then they trigger my own anxiety a bit. May even be years before I do taper. Your very brave to keep tapering knowing what serious wd feels like. Hopefully it carries on being a smooth ride for you.

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Tom37

Got through the day and probably one of the toughest ones yet and all I did was lie on the couch. Just couldn’t do anything else really and thought why fight it. Plenty of doubts about this ever stopping and being able to resume a normal life.

 

Just wish I knew what my body was actually trying to adjust or heal making me feel like this. 

 

Hopefully I get some sleep tonight if my body allows it.....waves always come to an end!

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sunnysideup69

Yes they do. I've also been very up and down over the last two weeks....just after saying I was stabilising....it's going to level out for you again. I agree, horrible when symptoms seem to come back, or new ones occur. I think you're wise to take the day off and just hit the sofa. I do a lot of that also. Rest is good. I'm hoping to be stable by next August, a year after swapping, but we just never know.

My brain seems to need peace and quiet, are you the same?

This wave will come to an end, Tom. Trust your brain and nervous system. They know what to do and are doing it for you. 

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Tom37

Thanks @sunnysideup69.

 

I think not doing much was the best thing to do. Why push yourself when feeling so bad as can’t be doing you any good. 

 

I’m naturally an introvert so definitely need my piece and quiet, even before withdrawal I needed it. 

 

Try not to put a timeline on stabilising as only setting yourself up for failure as the brain will get there when it gets there. In the beginning I thought I would just have to endure this for max 12 months as that was the longer end of the time it took for a lot of people but here I am. Maybe I was naive in thinking that because I was in such a bad state when I crashed but it was all new to me and it gave me hope and a target to get to. Maybe healing will speed up in the next 6 months for me but somehow I think it’s going to be a long slow slog to get there although apparently everyone gets there eventually.

 

Have a good day.

 

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Tom37

Got 6 to 7 hours sleep so thankful for that. Was shattered last night and symptoms  had calmed down enough to allow sleep. Feeling better than yesterday but still not well but at least should be up and about. Hopefully it’s a good sign but until these current symptoms go then think there is going to be alot of ups and downs.

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sunnysideup69
1 hour ago, Tom37 said:

Got 6 to 7 hours sleep so thankful for that. Was shattered last night and symptoms  had calmed down enough to allow sleep. Feeling better than yesterday but still not well but at least should be up and about. Hopefully it’s a good sign but until these current symptoms go then think there is going to be alot of ups and downs.

Hooray for the sleep! 

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rola

@Tom37

Hi, Tom. Hi. 
I too was struck by insomnia, but I reassure you it doesn't last long. 
I who liked to take naps, I couldn't do any more but now everything is back to normal and I do it almost every day.
glad you could get some sleep. 😉

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Tom37

Thanks @rola and @sunnysideup69. Was definitely a better night so hopefully tonight is the same. 

 

Definitely felt better today and current wave symptoms at about a 5 or 6 compared to 9 or 10 yesterday. Hopefully it means it’s easing but have a feeling I haven’t yet seen the last of this cycle with more bumps to come. 

 

Managed to go into office for couple of hours to get stuff out of the way then a small walk and generally taking it easy has been today. Hoping tomorrow is better even if just a little.

 

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Tom37

But of a restless nights sleep but still got around 5 plus hours. Was wide awake when to bed probably as had 7.5 hours the night before which is unusual for me. A few vivid dreams that woke me but at least not bad ones.

 

Still feeling the same symptoms this morning and similar to yesterday in intensity so should be a doable day although was hoping for better.

 

Have had the thoughts this morning that this will never end and will never be free from symptoms etc so dealing with that. Im sure a period of feeling better will change that but like always it is so hard to believe that it will ever happen.

 

Still breathing so while there is life there should be hope.

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Tom37

Definitely a tough day mentally today. Horrible thoughts keep coming up such as ‘’I’m going to die’’ or ‘’ that’s it I will have to resign from work tomorrow, I’m finished’’ and have a low level horrible restless/agitated physical feeling in me which is out of nowhere as haven’t had something like this for a long time. Also at times when I get these thoughts in my mind I kind of have a reaction like if I was spread up against the wall in fear of my life...like a gun being pointed at me....then I question if it’s me or wd which makes it even worse yet never in all my anxiety/panic days have I ever had thoughts like that or physical feelings like it....hopefully it’s only very temporary.....really need a window to come to give me back some positivity as feels like I’m stuck big time especially after feeling a lot better.

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RuuRee

@Tom37 so sorry you are dealing with this. The way you described what you are feeling is exactly how it feels, like someone is holding a gun at your head. I know it’s hard, but try and remind yourself that it’s just the withdrawal, and it’s only temporary. Heck, you should try laughing at it and say wow this is stupid I feel like this, this isn’t me (this is something my therapist suggested). Don’t know if that’ll work for you but I’ll suggest anything to help. I hope you feel better soon! 

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Tom37

Thanks @RuuRee.

 

Anyway got through the day. Bit of a gentle walk this morning  then went for a drive this afternoon for a few hours with my partner. Good to distract myself if I can otherwise just sit and dwell on symptoms.

 

Still feeling not great but it’s better than Friday that’s for sure. Same set of physical symptoms just lesser intensity but mental ones worse. Definitely the wave causing the mental stuff today but always makes you second guess yourself.

 

Partner thinks once I get through this difficult period there will be good improvement as seen it happen before when I have gone into slumps like this which has waves within the wave. 

 

Sometimes though days are just plain hard. I could read or watch success stories all day today but soon as I stop my stupid brain will still think this wave will never end and will never ever get over this.

 

Also finding acceptance hard at the moment and think that is because I was feeling so much better.

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Tom37

Saw this on us on one of the pages on here and it is so true....feel like I’m on that boat trying to get to the other side to climb back up. Wish I was further along but doubt it.

 

 

2017-06-06-PHOTO-00000315.jpg

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rola
1 hour ago, Tom37 said:

Vu cela sur nous sur l'une des pages ici et c'est tellement vrai ... j'ai l'impression d'être sur ce bateau essayant de passer de l'autre côté pour remonter. J'aimerais être plus avancé mais j'en doute.

 

 

2017-06-06-PHOTO-00000315.jpg

@Tom37

hello ,this pattern is so true... it made me smile this morning.
it represents well what we are living that is why we must keep hope 
have a good day 

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Tom37

Definitely is @rola....just impossible to know where your at.

 

So another 5 or 6 hours sleep last night. Took a while to fall asleep as head was feeling weird. Wasn’t painful but yeah just weird wd feeling. Thought this wave may have been starting to ease as felt better this morning but no such luck as same symptoms came on again on drive in to work. Still at medium intensity so able to function and work but definitely not easy and not performing at my best but doing enough to get by. 

 

At least it’s another day down which is another day less I’ll have to go through this unless of course it’s never ending....yip my stupid wd brain can’t help but think that.

 

Just so bizarre that still getting new symptoms a year out when in waves. Body must have been totally out of sorts at the start to need all this healing. Try to be positive in that all other symptoms have come and gone but they just seem to get replaced by something else so have given up for now to think I’ll be symptom free anytime in the next 6 months.

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thelegend

@Tom37 - I think you may be closer than you think, but if not, I will be here for you as I don’t think I am anywhere close. Still having crazy anxiety every day. Hope this week brings a break from the wave!

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sunnysideup69
5 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Definitely is @rola

 

At least it’s another day down which is another day less I’ll have to go through this unless of course it’s never ending....yip my stupid wd brain can’t help but think that.

 

Yes, when my brain isn't telling me that this is a relapse, it's also telling me that this will never end.

Your poor WD brain is pedalling as fast as it can. Mine too. Another day closer to stability. Gosh, it's hard work, but just gotta keep on keeping on.

One foot in front of the other. Hope you have/ are having/ have had a better day.....good that you were able to function at work. I know it's hard when feeling crap, there are certain people I absolutely have to avoid as they just grate on my nerves.

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Tom37

So the last two days have gotten quite a bit better so I may be transitioning back to baseline from this 6 week wave that I have been going through. Still feeling some of the same symptoms that I have been having but a lot less and sometimes almost not there at all.i

 

Will just wait and see I guess over the next week to see where I end up as after a nasty wave does take me some time to come out of it.....but it’s wd and could be back in hell tomorrow.

 

Thanks 

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sunnysideup69

@Tom37, this is good news, hopefully you are coming out the other side now 😊 

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rola

@Tom37Hi, Tom. 
That's good news. Don't drop anything. 😉

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sunnysideup69

Hi @Tom37, how are you doing? 

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getofflex

Hey Tom just wanted to say your doing a great job of getting off this very powerful Lexapro.  I myself have been on Lexapro for years, and am struggling to get off of it.  I also had a harder time as I got to the lower doses.  Lots of emotions, partly my own emotions and neuroemotions as well.  I'm going to hang in there and keep tapering off.  I am choosing to have faith that my nervous system will gradually heal itself, and I'll become more stable as time goes on.  So, hang in there, and don't give up.  

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Tom37

Thanks guys....so out of that wave that I was in and I guess at current baseline at the moment. Still have symptoms and it’s just how I currently ‘feel’ as in not feeling bad but not normal just somewhere in between. Mentally I’m generally myself it’s just how I feel physically. 

 

Sometimes i I think I feel better after that last big wave and sometimes I don’t as feeling different. It just seems to move from one thing to another. I guess it’s hard to know as improvement is so slow and subtle but looking back 6 months ago then yes I’m definitely doing better.

 

Been working fine as functional but not doing too much more than that and walking mainly as busy with work and try to rest as well. Sleep has been 5.5 to 6 hours with usually no wakings. 

 

Just so frustrating as sometimes I feel so close to being ‘normal’ yet in reality I’m so far away. Plenty more waves to come I’m sure. Grateful im not suffering like a lot of us are or like I have done but still do at times struggle with accepting this situation and believing that I will recover.

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sunnysideup69

Hey @Tom37, it is frustrating, but you are getting there. It's an irritatingly slow process at times. 

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getofflex

Hello Tom37.  I'm in about the same situation you are except I've been in a wave since the 3 day visit from my son.  Any upheaval in my schedule seems to bring on a wave for me.  At any rate, I'm glad you are doing better now that you were 6 months ago.  I'm praying for your healing.  Jennifer

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thelegend

Good to hear you are pulling out of the wave, and better than 6 months ago is still better, even if the difference isn’t what you were hoping for!

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Tom37

And back into a wave I go....wonderful.

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jozeff

Top bad Tom,

 

Die you deel the wave creeping up on you or did it slowly Enter your body?

 

How much lexapro are you taking these days? Still on 4 mg?

 

Keep your head up and hopefully your wave isn't too bad!

 

 

Jozeff

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jozeff

Sorry for my misspelling..... Keyboard problems..

 

 

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Tom37

Felt ok last night but woke at 12.30am after a nightmare and current symptoms were ramped up and couldn’t go back to sleep with annoying thoughts that wouldn’t stop. Had some stress at work yesterday so that may have triggered it.

 

Just seem to be going a period of windows and waves quite close to each other....with similar but slightly different symptoms each time. My stomach seems to always be affected at the moment as the weird nausea is back with terrible taste in mouth along with the other symptoms.

 

Hopefully passes soon.

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