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Tom37

Tom37: Lexapro taper

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Katy398

Hi Tom,

This will pass, it really will.

I find the  acceptance and distraction  thing  really helps me. But I also find that during sleep  deprivation It is the most challenging  time to practice it. I really feel your pain. 

I try to think, Ho Hum no sleep again, it’ll have to be another sofa day. 

Sorry that makes it sound so easy, I know it’s not, it’s just it seemed to be a turning point with my insomnia. I just got less stressed by it. I read a book now, it may be midnight, 2, 3, 4 I just read. Nothing too taxing just a distraction. 

The intrusive thoughts are by far my biggest challenge. I know exactly what you mean when you say it feels like someone else is controlling it. I feel possessed at times it’s crazy. LexiNO!!

I also try to imagine my brain rewiring during my intrusive thoughts and I imagine the thought as a glitch in the process. Sorting out a store cupboard always looks much worse in the middle of the process. 

I use this as my home page for SA on my phone I read it heaps.  

There is so much support on this site, you’re not alone. 

Take care, and be kind to yourself. 

 

 

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Tom37

Thanks @Katy398

 

Im lucky I only get the thoughts and memories when in waves now. I use to get the random memories all the time but they have generally all been good memories. Intrusive thoughts are absolute horrible though. My partner keeps telling me that this wave will end like all the others and she isn’t concerned at all....good to have someone with perspective when your all over the place but typical wd brain it doesn’t believe her.

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Mimi79

Hi @Tom37

4 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Just need to work on the fear that I may have lost my ability to sleep!

I know this kind of thoughts, this is how I started to take ADs for the first time, 12 years ago. I was convinced that I wouldn’t be able to sleep for the rest of my life! I was so afraid! After, my GP put me on Mirtazapine. 

My sleep improved, but this fear was still in me. And I was now convinced that I would always need pills to get some sleep. 
Last year, I did on my own a CBT based therapy for insomnia, « sleep restriction therapy ». This therapy is the best for insomnia. It works very well! It helped me a lot. Most important, it has helped me to get rid of my fear of « never be able to sleep anymore ». I just don’t believe this thought anymore. I know that even if I have few bad nights in a row, one night I will finally sleep, it is 100% sure! 
There is still few tips that I’ve learned in this therapy:

1. I always wake up at the same exact time everyday, even if I haven’t sleep a lot (this is how we recalibrate our biological clock).
2. I take time to relax and avoid screens 2 hours before bed. 
3. I never take naps during the day, even if I’m tired. And if I really can’t help it, no more than 15-30 minutes.
4. And the most important, if after 30 minutes in my bed I don’t sleep at night, I get up and do some relaxing activities until I feel some sleepiness.

 

I know when WD symptoms are causing insomnia, it could be more difficult to apply those tips. But I think it can still help a bit. And just knowing that there is some ways to naturally recover a normal sleep pattern can lower the insomnia anxiety. 
 

Hope it helps! 
 

Take care and don’t give up! 
Mimi
 

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Tom37

Thanks @Mimi79

 

I’m glad you found cbt treatment so helpful. I did a lot myself and always use it for all situations including this one. It’s just the wd thoughts that are so powerful. When I’m out of this wave I know I’ll look back and think what on earth was I thinking believing those thoughts. Just got to get through it first and appreciate any tips for doing that.

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Mimi79

@Tom37

I understand.

Intrusive thoughts are my worst  WD symptoms. And now, it is almost the only one left. I can be few weeks without them, but when they come back, I still suffer! I have a lot of difficulties to accept them, even if I know I have to. 

My intrusive thoughts are so weird and awful, I can believe my brain is able to create them!

They are totally alien.

I know I have to accept them and avoid what is triggering them. I know that when I’m more stressful or tired, I’m prone to them.

It’s not an easy ride! 
Take care!

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Katy398

Fantastic insomnia advice @Mimi79, and yes intrusive thoughts are by far the worse symptom for me too. The fact that you can see them as  improving is wonderful,  mine still seep over me like a dementor quite out of the blue. How weird to think,  that I look forward to them only joining me during a waves!!!! obviously in the long term I look forward to them never joining me again, will that ever happen I wonder? 

Hang on in there folks we’ll get there in the end. 

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Teppo125

@Tom37
Intrusive thoughts all also mine worst symptom. It’s pure torture. Week ago I though that they fade away, but no they didn’t and they came back with avenge. I also have intrusive memories that are not true, they are delusional what my mind creates. They must fade away sometime. 
Hang on!

 

And I was on Escitalopram(Lexapro) only 8 week last year. It’s an evil evil drug. I think that this drug creates most intrusive/obsessive thoughts

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Tom37

Course they will leave you @Katy398 it just takes time and our journeys are all unique. Ive been lucky that anxiety and depression have only happened in waves for me. 
 

Anyway.....got through my day. Work at home till mid day which was a struggle but think I got what I needed done. End of the day can only do my best. Then sat outside in the winter sun for a bit but then hit the wall and felt horrible so up to be on the bed in the winter sun. Almost feel asleep but woke myself up again. 
 

Hopefully tonight is a better night but nothing I can do about it if it isn’t just cope as best I can and it’s Saturday tomorrow so nothing I have to do. Just hope the physical symptoms do start to ease up and at least let me lie there in peace if can’t sleep. I was sleeping pretty ok up until this so once this waves goes should go back to it!

 

 

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sunnysideup69
16 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Yip horrible night alright. Just wish I could lie in bed and be feeling physically ok instead like I do. Night three and I’m struggling all right. Intrusive thoughts and my mind feels like someone else is in control of it. Really  questioning if I will get out of this period especially with the sleep. Feel like a million miles away. Of course then feel like ending it all as only way to stop the suffering. May have to resort to a benzo in another night or two if doesn’t improve to get me through it.

 

Hang in there Tom these are classic WD thoughts. You will absolutely get out of this period again. It's horrible to be whacked with a wave, Lexapro is brutal. BUT, it will go. Your success rate at getting through waves is 100 per cent, remember.

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Tom37

Thanks @sunnysideup69


Hope a good day is ahead for you.

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Johni
hello Tom.
How do you feel? I am also trying to reduce lexapro / cipralex. I wish you all the best.

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Tom37

Another night of the same. Same symptoms keeping me up. Can’t stay in the same place for very long as this stupid restlessness/anxiety feeling makes me move. Listened to my rain on you tube which does help to calm me but I like silence to sleep. Wonderful intrusive thoughts aswell which can’t control. Frustrating thing is I don’t really feel exhausted like I normally would if can’t sleep and I think that’s cause the symptoms are higher over shadowing that part.


Saturday here so day off and thank god for that. Trying to stay positive but it’s bloody hard. But things have to change and this wave has to end cause that’s what waves do but this feels like something different like a permanent setback. Either that or I’ve be given my worse and longest wave at 18 months out.

 

Off to suffer in silence for the day.

 

This must get better!

 

 

 

 

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Johni
I hope the translator translates well. I totally understand you. I am interestingly tired for 2-3 in the afternoon, and I always come to my senses in the evening. I wish you strength and perseverance. Are you doing any training? hello from hungarian.

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Lynnardgirl
On 7/2/2020 at 9:04 AM, Tom37 said:

Yip horrible night alright. Just wish I could lie in bed and be feeling physically ok instead like I do. Night three and I’m struggling all right. Intrusive thoughts and my mind feels like someone else is in control of it. Really  questioning if I will get out of this period especially with the sleep. Feel like a million miles away. Of course then feel like ending it all as only way to stop the suffering. May have to resort to a benzo in another night or two if doesn’t improve to get me through it.

So sorry ! You will come out of it. My prayers and thoughts with you. Stay strong and know this will end. 

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Lynnardgirl

@Tom37 

I have been going in and out of the worse waves 

that bring me to my knees! Sleep maybe 2-3 hrs a night, sweating and anxiety at it’s worse!

 I’m close behind you from my last taper a17 months ! 

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Tom37

Tough isn’t it @Lynnardgirl.

 

Well today really was a day of nothing. Really didn’t feel up to much at all and not even interested in watching tv. Bit of time in the sun outside this morning then afternoon on couch.

 

Tough day fighting my thoughts so just let them be as I guess just thoughts after all.

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Tom37

Well bit better last night. Only got approx 2  to 2.5 hours sleep but it was deep sleep and dreams etc. More positive was the horrible restlessness,  anxiety, the intrusive thoughts and the waking myself up basically stopped. Still have this other main symptom/feeling there but that hopefully will also start to ease but others were the worst especially at night. So because I could lie in bed more comfortably spent the whole night in bed without pacing around or going to the lounge etc.

 

I was lying there waiting for those symptoms to start but they didn’t and typically once they do go in waves they don’t come back so fingers crossed.
 

Will still take it easy today but shouldn’t be confined to the couch and hopefully this means have just started to come down the other side of this wave but it’s wd so who knows which is half the problem.

 

 

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sunnysideup69

Sounds like it's heading in the right direction @Tom37.

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Tom37

So today was definitely but better than the last few days. Didn’t do much other than caught up on small bit of work, mowed little lawn (very small) and read/watched some tv which was far better than being on the couch.

 

Still not feeling great but to be expected so dealing with it. Get more afraid of going backwards again or getting stuck where I am. Should trust that wave will end and will feel better like I was but it’s wd so can’t presume anything.

 

Hopefully sleep will be bit better tonight but at least I know I can still sleep.

 

 

 

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mdwstrx

Hi @Tom37

 

Glad to hear that things are settling for you a bit.

Is your signature correct so that you are holding at 4 mg? 

 

This drug is powerful.  For me, every little reduction  seems to have

emotional and some physical impact. Thankfully, so far, the symptoms

fade if I hold long enough. But it's downright scary as we go through it.

Thankful that the folks on this site get it and support one another. 

 

Sending prayers that this wave abates and you begin to feel much better! 

Md 🙏

 

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Tom37

Another night of no sleep. Felt ok in bed symptoms wise just couldn’t sleep. Was tired but no sleep. Never had this before in wd and getting me concerned. Feeling bit avg this morning with symptoms so hopefully still this wave causing it. Like this wave started a switch was flicked and can’t sleep.

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Tom37

Hi @brassmonkey

 

Sorry to bother you but just seeking some reassurance here from someone who has seen it all before.

 

Been hit with a horrible wave out of nowhere. I know bad waves just happen so not too concerned about that but it’s the insomnia that is making this so much harder. Firstly I’m guessing bad insomnia can be an actual symptom of the wave? It sounds logic to me knowing everything else they can create. Then im guessIng once this wave washes out I should be able to return my previous sleep pattern or close to it?  I was sleeping 5 to 7 hours a night without any real issues before got  hit with It.
 

Just not experienced a wave like this before and I really don’t want to take anything to sleep if this will more than likely be temporary even if it lasts a few more weeks would rather battle on and deal with it.
 

I don’t believe my own anxiety is at play here creating the insomnia it’s a way different feeling than that plus have had many sleepless nights during waves caused by physical symptoms but this has gone on longer than normal.

 

Thanks

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brassmonkey

Hi Tom-- insomnia is probably one of the most bothersome symptoms that we run into. It comes and goes of it's own accord and no one really understands why. It can be tied to tapering, other symptoms, life stress, and just about anything else.  It does run its course and clears up, but can take a while. Biggest thing is to try and not let it throw you, the secondary anxiety it can cause just spirals it worse. There is a lot of discussion about it throughout the site, try a site search for more information.

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Tom37

Thanks @brassmonkey for your reply and hopefully it does go shortly along with this nasty wave.

 

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Tom37

Got through my day with some work and that’s about it.
 

Tough day to be honest emotionally with the fear of losing everything I’ve worked for because of this new stage of wd. You go through so much in acute withdrawal and keep your job etc and get to this point where you start to see a future post withdrawal as your doing ok then feels like it’s all about to go. I can suffer till this ends I know that but to possibly be about to lose what you have fought so hard to keep is very hard.
 

Hopefully tomorrow will give me a better outlook but some days are just HARD.

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sunnysideup69

Indeed @Tom37, some days are just tough. But you're doing the right things. You're holding until you're level and you're also having some good long windows. Healing is happening.

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Tom37

So got 4 to 5 hours of deep sleep last night so that is a step in right direction.and hopefully will start being consistent again. Not feeling the shaking like I’m sick symptom either this morning so hopefully that is now done. Still very much in this wave but hoping it continues to slowly ease or maybe this id where I’m at for a while....who knows.

 

Aim to get for a small walk this arvo weather allowing as mid winter here but main focus will be to catch up on some work.

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sunnysideup69
On 7/6/2020 at 8:44 PM, Tom37 said:

So got 4 to 5 hours of deep sleep last night so that is a step in right direction.and hopefully will start being consistent again. Not feeling the shaking like I’m sick symptom either this morning so hopefully that is now done. Still very much in this wave but hoping it continues to slowly ease or maybe this id where I’m at for a while....who knows.

 

Aim to get for a small walk this arvo weather allowing as mid winter here but main focus will be to catch up on some work.

 

How are ya?

You mentioned knowing a couple of people on here who'd taken about three years to stabilise.....was wondering if you'd mind sharing who they are so I can read their threads?

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Lynnardgirl
30 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

 

How are ya?

You mentioned knowing a couple of people on here who'd taken about three years to stabilise.....was wondering if you'd mind sharing who they are so I can read their threads?

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Lynnardgirl

Reach out to @Anthony75 

He has been trying to stabilize for over 

3 years ! He has helped me out 

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sunnysideup69
3 hours ago, Lynnardgirl said:

Reach out to @Anthony75 

He has been trying to stabilize for over 

3 years ! He has helped me out 

Thank you buddy xxx

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Dejavu

Tom, I've been away from the forum for a while. Checked back in and saw that you're having a hard time. I'm so sorry. Of course, this too shall pass, but that's cold comfort when you're in the thick of it. I hope you get some sleep tonight and that this waves eases for you very soon.

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Tom37

Just bit if a little update....

 

So my wave ended about a week ago so back to sleeping as I have been, 5 to 7 hours a night. Was the worst wave I’ve had in a very long time so glad it’s over.
 

Bit reluctant to say this but since it ended I’ve been feeling the best I’ve felt in this journey and nearly symptom free to the point where I don’t really even feel like I’m in wd at the moment. It’s actually been weird feeling this good. Hopefully it continues but it’s wd so bound to have more waves but do feel like I’ve gone up another level in my recovery after a good few months of standing still.

 

Will probably enter a wave now after the above! But thought would document feeling this good and it may even give some hope to others going through this that it does get better.

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Dejavu

That is so great to hear Tom! I've heard it said that after big waves come big gains. Sending you healing energy today. 

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Lynnardgirl

So happy to hear you finally came

out of the awful wave!

Healing is happening 

 

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Katy398

Great news Tom, yet another wave that you weathered. You did it, One more ticked off the recovery list. I’m now in a shocking wave intrusive thoughts and terrible neuro-emotions. 

Tom I hope you don’t mind  but I’m going ask a question on your thread. There seem to be lots of folk on here who know a lot about Lexapro. I know it’s one of the strongest ADs but I’m looking for a source of  information that states this, that I can give to my Dr. She has told me unequivocally that this is not true.  I was prescribed double the registered dose 40mgs and sadly I know she will not take a peer support group seriously. Does anyone know of another source for this information.  I have to go for some routine blood tests soon and I want to give her some information about Lexapro. It’s so dangerous that GPs do not know it’s strength. 

Take care Tom, slowly but surely we’ll get through this. 

 

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