Tom37: Lexapro taper

[Tom37]

Everything still pretty much the same. I seem to have better days emotionally but physical symptoms stay pretty much the same. Seriously feel like I have taken a giant step backwards which is making the mental part of it so much harder. Have days like today where just can’t see it getting better. Can’t see any reason to carry on if it’s going to be like this forever. Not a life anyone should have to live yet here I am. I try to remind myself that in 6 months time this phase should have ended but the longer it goes on the more you lose hope. 
 

I should be grateful I can still work and do what needs to be done, but if it wasn’t an office based job I would have had to stop along time ago. 

I just wish the physical symptoms would stop, they have always been my biggest issue and make everything so difficult.

 

Clearly a bad day today, hopefully feeling more positive tomorrow.

[Katy398]

HiTom,

how are you feeling today? I’ve just realised I can’t remember if you still take the dreaded Lexapro or whether you held at a low dose. Thinking of you take care X

[Tom37]

Hi @Katy398 , I’m still holding at a low dose….I was in a very bad state when I crashed so it’s taken a long time to to heal but I’m getting there. 
 

I’ve actually just starting feeling significantly better from what was an almost three month wave but it’s early days so will give it a few weeks and post a better update then.

 

Thanks

[Dejavu]

Hey, Tom, I just popped on and caught up on your thread. I'm so sorry about this long wave and glad you're starting to come around. I've just slipped into a nasty wave myself and hoping for a quick turnaround. Keep us posted on your progress!!

[sunnysideup69]

Hey @Tom37, how are you now? Hopefully that wave has buggered off.

[Tom37]

Hi all,

 

Just bit of an update.

 

The long wave I was going through when I last posted did finally end. Think it was about 4 months long. It wasn’t a really horrible wave and I could still function but it was the length of it that was the hard part. Once it ended I did notice a shift in how I was feeling which was good and unexpected. 
 

Unfortunately though my journey continues and still dealing with symptoms. When I’m at baseline I’m pretty good and able to do most things apart from proper exercise which still can ramp up whatever symptoms I’m experiencing and I do have times during the day that I feel ‘normal’ but I definitely  feel ‘normal ish’ a lot of the time. I’ve managed to have a few weekends away and got into a bit of hiking but that’s dependant on how I’m feeling.
 

Currently in a horrible wave at the moment. Felt it brewing and then after five or so days it hit full force. Far more intense that my recent long wave so I’m hoping it means its shorter. Just that flu like feeling that leaves me just lying on the couch, keep going all hot and mental stuff as well, although sleeping ok which is a bonus.

 

This has all been going on for three years now and being honest it just doesn’t feel like it’s ever going to end. Do I feel better than the beginning? Yes I do significantly, but I wasn’t expecting waves to hit me hard this far out. Definitely still feels like I have a way to go as it’s been such a slow process and the worst part of it for is it’s not linear at all. Even after doing better you can then have a tough six months which makes it so hard to deal with and you question why you keep going.

 

I don’t come on here often anymore as it’s not nice to see people suffering and it’s good to distance yourself from it all when doing better.

 

All the best to everyone.

[Tom37]

Just noting…..

 

Still in this latest wave. Intensity has eased to be probably half of what it was but it’s still there. Get concerned it’s going to last like my last one did which was months long but not much you can do other than do the best you can. The only positive was after the last one did see a big shift forward.

 

Im definitely functional and working is ok but just not pleasant at times, but have worked through far worse. While the physical symptoms are annoying and means I don’t feel up to doing much the emotional ones are always the worse. Thinking and feeling about all sorts of weird things along with random memories coming and going. Mental stuff always harder as you think it’s ‘you’ where physical stuff you always know it’s wd.

 

Sleeping ok which helps a lot and hopefully things will improve soon. One thing about wd is things will always change, it’s just when and to what next. I feel like I’m a classic example of my body repairing itself one bit at a time and then just keeps moving to the next part until everything is working as it should.
 

 

[Tom37]

Tough day today.

 

Thought I may have been coming out of the wave when I woke but not to be. It’s just changed on me. Struggling emotionally. The thoughts of this whole process will never ever end are very strong which means you lose hope and just don’t want to do this anymore.

 

Can’t remember feeling good and feels like I’ve not improved one bit.

 

Hopefully tomorrow is better as back to work.

[Tom37]

Just an update to keep track……..

 

Last wave came to an end as the always eventually do but frustratingly don’t feel like my overall baseline has improved or if it has it’s only very small.
 

Seem to be struggling a bit more with mental symptoms of late as seem to be all over the place with how I feel about certain parts of life and these feelings can change multiple times a day…..or maybe it’s just my normal self….who knows.

 

I do still have physical symptoms everyday but usually it’s just one symptom which is more of an overall feeling which seems to slightly change and morph around every week or so. This though does sometimes scare me as I’m not currently getting proper waves like I use to so it feels like I’m going to be stuck with this forever.

 

 

Overall though I’m significantly better but still frustrated that I’m still dealing with it and life still feels like it’s on hold. Try my best to keep living but I’m still restricted in what I can do and being an active person that is difficult,

 

Hopefully healing is still happening and this one day will be over but the longer it goes on the harder to believe that will happen.

[Johni]

Hello @Tom37. I will feel your situation and send you strength. what mental symptoms do you struggle with? perseverance on the road.

[sunnysideup69]

Hey @Tom37

How are you?

[Tom37]

Hi @sunnysideup69

 

Im doing really good withdrawal wise and feeling really good. Best I’ve felt so far and almost feel ‘normal’ and often don’t even feel in wd anymore. Hopefully it continues.

 

Unfortunately I have injured my shoulder so haven’t been able to enjoy feeling this well…just my luck.

 

Thanks

[sunnysideup69]

9 minutes ago, Tom37 said:

Hi @sunnysideup69

 

Im doing really good withdrawal wise and feeling really good. Best I’ve felt so far and almost feel ‘normal’ and often don’t even feel in wd anymore. Hopefully it continues.

 

Unfortunately I have injured my shoulder so haven’t been able to enjoy feeling this well…just my luck.

 

Thanks

Hey Tom, sorry about the shoulder, but that's SO good to hear!

Well done xxxxx

[RachelSusan]

@Tom37 Hi Tom37, Glad to read the update about withdrawal. Sorry about the shoulder.

[Tom37]

Thanks @RachelSusanand @sunnysideup69.

 

Taken along time to get to this point and even though I have feeling so good I’m sure in 6 months time will feel even better. Bit down about the shoulder after going through everything I have with wd but hopefully in a month or two it will be behind me so I can then really start to enjoy life again.

[RachelSusan]

@Tom37

 

Thanks for updating us Tom.

[Moonpie]

On 3/22/2022 at 12:32 AM, Tom37 said:

Im doing really good withdrawal wise and feeling really good. Best I’ve felt so far and almost feel ‘normal’ and often don’t even feel in wd anymore. Hopefully it continues.

So happy to hear you are doing so well.  It feels weird to feel normal when it happens doesn't it!  Thank you for your update!

[Dejavu]

Tom, I'm so glad you're doing well. I think of you often and wonder how you're doing. I'm glad you updated. 

[Vasherr]

Ho, @Tom37,

 

I was reading the Windows and Waves topic, and had seen that You were having some problems with stabilising in 2018, I see it was a longer problem but hopefully it has resolved, how are You feeling?

 

I am curious, because 2 days ago I was taken by the first true wave, and I am trying to get some info on what I can expect from the whole process, please tell me, was the first wave worst?

 

Wishing You a lifelong window!

V.

[Tom37]

Hi All,

 

Its been quite some time since I posted on here and that has been a good thing as been busy with life.

 

I can’t say I’m fully recovered yet but have made significant improvements over last 12 months or more. Have periods where I feel basically normal but still get the odd minor symptom come up which usually doesn’t cause any problems. I’m almost able to live a full life apart from intense exercise.

 

So overall I thought I was almost done until now!

 

Started feeling a bit off with minor symptoms early last week then a really bad wd headache on Thursday lead to feeling not great at all on Friday. Then since Friday been feeling terrible. Worst wave I’ve had in over a yea easily. Getting this horrible nervousness type feeling in me and internal type shakes, headaches, weird mental stuff and other physical and mental stuff. Going two days without sleep just because the feelings make it hard to stay still so constantly up in the night. Not akathesia.

 

Being honest it has really scared me so anyone out there had a bad wave after feeling so so much better? Is this considered normal to get bad waves over 4 years out?  I just can’t see how it can get better. Have I got it in me to keep going feeling like this?

 

Did experience some stress on Friday but was already not feeling well.

[Tom37]

Update….still struggling along in this wave. Same symptoms so far and do wax and wane. Had last two nights of actually being able to stay in bed which was good but only getting 2 or 3 hours sleep.

 

So frustrating to be dealing with this again after being so good for so long.

 

I hope because it’s intense it doesn’t last too long but you never know….day 6 today.

 

Am able to work and get by but it is difficult.

 

If any long termers out there have had a big wave hit them after feeling so good for months and months please let me know how it went.

[Tom37]

I came out of my big wave above after about 14 days. No idea why it hit me so hard but it really tested me. After being so well for so long it was a big shock. I guess because I wasn’t fully recovered more waves had to happen and probably still do.

 

Since I came out of it I got about a week and then got Covid for the first time which I’m still dealing with. Currently at day 9 and while feeling a lot better it’s still there in me causing a few symptoms. Thankfully I haven’t had any breathing issues or fatigue.  Still testing positive but the line is very faint. Hopefully after two weeks will be over it.

I have been concerned about how it may affect my wd but so far I haven’t felt any wd symptoms during it. I can only hope that afterwards I’m ok.

 

Certainly been a very difficult month and can only hope things get better.

[Crochet]

You've had quite a month! Hoping you can put it behind you now.

 

[Tom37]

Still dealing with covid after 12 days.

Feeling better than I was but still not feeling well. 
 

I’m lucky I didn’t and still don’t have fatigue or breathing issues but still feeling not too well.  I’m able to function and working from home but it’s not pleasant and does have me a bit worried.

 

I don’t think it’s affected my withdrawal but that may come later on.

 

Just wondering if anyone else has taken three weeks or longer to get through it and got back to normal?

 

Thanks

 

 

[Tom37]

Update,

 

So I got through covid but took me approx a month to get over the main part of it and then another month or so for nearly all symptoms to go, still left with a bit of nasal congestion which comes every night.

 

Withdrawal wise I’ve been feeling really good, no particular symptoms other than just not quite feeling 100 percent but was unsure if that was post covid or withdrawal. 

 

Anyway I started feeling a bit off almost two weeks ago and then about 4 days ago symptoms picked up then eased up over the weekend but yesterday and today feel even worse. I did go away for the day on Sunday for a walk so that may have contributed to now feeling bad. Have this feeling of just been unwell inside me…sort of flu like but not the flu, makes me have zero appetite, dry mouth, some sweats/feeling hot and quite sensitive emotionally. I’m sleeping ok which is a positive. Was meant to go skiing today but just couldn’t do it and I know if I do too much I’ll just feel worse.

 

I’m hoping this is just a wave and not long covid kicking in. I can handle a wave but I really don’t need anything else. If I had shaking legs or needing to pace etc I’d know it was a wave so makes it hard not knowing.

 

So frustrating though after feeling so good…the best I’ve been feeling.

 

Thanks

[Tom37]

Had a tough day yesterday and tough night. Haven’t had a bad night like this since last wave about 5.5 months ago. Got about 3.5 hours sleep but then woke feeling terrible.

 

This unwell feeling is not pleasant and makes everything hard. Sort of feels like the flu but it isn’t. Had it or variations of it consistently through withdrawal.

 

A few mental symptoms too, seeing images of random people from the past come into my mind out of nowhere and just other weird stuff.

Can’t imagine I’ll ever feel better and I just hope that this too shall pass.

I may have been feeling heaps better and withdrawal was hardly on my mind, but clearly not recovered and deep down I knew that so was expecting more waves but when they hit after so long it’s very hard.

 

Thanks

[Tom37]

A difficult night with no sleep. Symptoms just too strong at the moment to allow me to sleep. Try to lie there and rest but difficult when it’s so uncomfortable.

 

Symptoms are just the same. If they could just ease by half.

 

When you feel so bad you always think it’s impossible to feel good again…I just hope that this does pass as everything is over if it doesn’t.

[manymoretodays]

Hi Tom37, @Tom37

Where are you at with tapering?  Current meds/drugs and doses?
Can you update your signature?  AccountSettings/signature updates/edits

  

1 hour ago, Tom37 said:

Hi all,

 

Coming up 5 years since my journey started and have lurched into a pretty horrible wave starting 5 days ago but looking back the signs where there the week before I was on my way into one.

 

My windows or being at baseline now goes for months, think it was 5 months between waves this time. Can’t say I’m 100 percent normal during it but have very minor symptoms or none.

 

Im assuming what im experiencing is normal but if anyone can reassure me please go ahead.

 

It's a Wave!  Boy, I went through them......and those lengthy Windows you describe are good!  So reassuring you this is a pattern of stabilization that we see often.......Windows and Waves.  This too, this Wave, will pass.

 

Insomnia, or decreased sleep will amp up all the other symptoms too.  It's a very common WD symptom.

Have you seen this topic?

Tips to help sleep: so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

 

Sending sleep and Windows.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt 🧙‍♀️

[Tom37]

Thanks @manymoretodays for taking the time to post, I appreciate it.

 

Will update my account but haven’t changed my dose at all. Just taking an extra long time for me to recover.

 

I know the wave will pass, and thanks for reassuring it’s normal for them to happen after doing so well.

 

The sleep issue for me is because of the physical symptoms. I’ve never found anything that can help other than the symptoms easing. I sleep relatively well for wd, approx 6 hours, when not in a wave.

 

Thanks

 

 

[Tom37]

Hello,

 

Seemed to have past the peak of this wave.

 

The main couple of intense symptoms have eased a lot or gone so have been able to sleep ok last two nights.

 

Still not feeling as good as I was before this so I can only hope I’m still in this wave and coming down the other side.

 

Still get afraid that how I’m feeling is the new normal for me so hopefully I’m wrong and I’ll get better over the following days. 
 

Can’t remember once the wave passes it’s peak if that is it or takes a few days to go back to normal.

[checco]

Things seem to be improving and this is a good thing, I'm in the same situation as you after having spent some very hard nights even with a fever of 40 degrees and a lot of pain that prevented me from closing Look, today I slept better, not well but better than the previous one. I understood that covid has at least doubled the symptoms I had before and now it seems to fade with the course of the diseaseI try not to focus on the worsening but on the improvements, even minimal ones, although it is very frustrating to go back so far after an improvement.

[Tom37]

Hello,

 

Have slipped back into a wave which is so frustrating. 
 

Since I’ve been feeling a lot better I’ve started doing more things and got into skiing this winter. Problem is it’s very demanding on your body and the four times I’ve gone I’ve pretty much gone into a wave afterwards.

 

Last couple of days and have had this aching all throughout, going hot then chilled, weird nausea and just other wavy symptoms. Not sleeping well because it’s hard too when feeling like this. 
 

On annual leave for next two weeks so that will be a good break. 
 

Brain keeps saying this won’t end etc.

 

These last 6 months I’ve been more wavy than the last 6 months which is frustrating but when I’m feeling well I feel really good.

[getofflex]

Hello Tom.  Your drug sig states

"Hit severe symptoms (started 7th Nov) after dropping to 3mg. Dropped to 3mg approx 22nd October.

Back to 4mg (7th November) and stabilising. Current symptoms started 23rd November ".

 

What year is this?   Please add this to your signature, along with any other tapering or drug changes you've done in the past couple of years.  Thank you. 

 

5 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Since I’ve been feeling a lot better I’ve started doing more things and got into skiing this winter. Problem is it’s very demanding on your body and the four times I’ve gone I’ve pretty much gone into a wave afterwards.

 

Intense exercise will tend to put us in a wave when we have a destabilized nervous system.  I'm 16 months off Lexapro, and I have to be careful not to overdo it, or I will go into a wave myself.  

5 hours ago, Tom37 said:

Brain keeps saying this won’t end etc.

Yes, this is really common.  This is because it takes a super long time for our brains to fully heal.  

 

Check out this link: 

 

Are We There Yet?  How Long is Withdrawal Going to Take?

 

[Tom37]

Thanks @getofflex.

 

It’s just frustrating as I was doing a lot of hiking and that didn’t put me in a wave. Might have felt a bit more symptomatic a for few days after but that was it.

Feels like I have gone backwards these last few months. Maybe covid did set me back.

 

Wave definitely still getting me today. Managed to get three or four hours sleep which is always better than none but haven’t been able to do much other than the essentials.

 

Wave days are the longest days as well. Seem never ending. 
 

Hopefully start to feel better in a few days.

[getofflex]

I we still need you to update your signature with the years as previously requested.  Please respond to moderator requests. We can’t help you if we don’t have the information we need.

[Tom37]

Hi,

 

Nothing has changed, I’m still holding the same dose and still not recovered.

 

Being in a bad wave it feels like I’ve never felt better but I have improved. I use to feel bad all the time with waves even worse which were one after another. But over time that has changed to feeling pretty good and waves generally further apart and can go months without one. 

 

Clearly I still have some way to go before my nervous system is where it wants to be.

 

I’m not really looking for advice as such as nothing can be done. I just have to be more patient and wait it out. 
 

I guess I post as helps me deal with a wave and reassurance is always nice.

 

Thanks