Kernol: was doing well on my sertraline taper but now in hell and doc reinstated

[Kernol]

19/4

 

8.00am wake with much less intense cortisol again and sneezing! Derealisation minimal
9.00am having a cup of tea in bed feeling ok. Some nausea and hypersalivation. Take 2mg diazepam 
10.00am have breakfast in bed 

10.30am have shower. 
11.00am cleaning and rearranging the kitchen 

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam. Have oat smoothie for lunch. Still nauseous 

1.30pm paint some skirting boards In bedroom

2.00pm take 15.67mg sertraline 

2.30pm sit in garden. A few spikes of chemical anxiety but not too strong 

3.30pm do vacuuming and look At house accessories online

5.00pm Help prepare dinner. Still nauseous 

6.00pm take 2mg diazepam

6.30pm eat dinner

7.30pm nausea bit stronger 

8.00pm watch tv programme and start to get some derealisation and peculiar feelings. Start to panic that it’s all coming back

9.00pm deep breathing and calming myself down 

10.30pm lights out

12.00am restless very hot in bed. Teeth clenching bad 

1.30am - 6.00am Restless sleep with some panics and nightmares. Much reduced cortisol rushes on waking 

7.00am awake Very fatigued (i expect this is a hormone drop) and start to worry that I feel chemical depression 

8.00am feel a bit better as I rise

 

20/4

 

8.30am have shower. Still some nausea but maybe little less than in previous days? Derealisation low 

9.00am take 2mg diazepam 

9.30am have oatbran for breakfast 

10.00am do work emails feel ok 

11.00am work video call - do fine feel quite good. Still nausea 

12.00pm hungry for lunch 

12.30pm have tuna bagel 

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam 

2.00Pm take 15.67mg sertraline 

2.30pm-5.00pm working and feeling ok with just a few chemical spikes at sounds like lawnmowers and children walking past but not as strong as previously 
6.00pm take 2mg diazepam 

6.30pm have salad for dinner. Nausea and hypersalivation 

7.00pm dial into Baylissa’s q&A session. Get a few stronger spikes now as I hear other people’s stories and start to worry when the symptoms will intensify again 

8.00pm calming myself down and deep breathing 

9.00pm looking online at home accessories 

10.30pm lights out 

12.00am too hot can’t sleep. Teeth clenching strong 

1.00am-3.30am sleep ok but wake with strong panic cortisol rush

4.00am-6.30am sleep in and out. not so strong cortisol rushes now 

7.00am wake and feel very fatigued (hormonal I would guess). Worry if I feel ok. Derealisation still low. 

[Altostrata]

That seems a lot better.

[Kernol]

Hi @Altostrata much better. Feels exactly like the week when I stopped the vortioxetine at the beginning of December. That window lasted a week so I don’t know how long this will last. But the respite is so good. 

[Altostrata]

Theoretically, the reduction of sertraline has eased the logjam in your liver so the sertraline can be processed faster.

 

When you feel up to it, I would make another very small decrease, as discussed above.

[Terry]

Hi Kernol,

 

I am so glad that you're getting a bit of relief.  Hope it lasts a good long while!  👏

 

Best wishes,

Terry 

[Kernol]

21/4

 

8.00am have shower - derealisation low. Mood ok.

9.00am take 2mg diazepam and have oat bran 

10.00am do work emails 

11.00am work zoom call. Still ok 

12.00pm eat lunch

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam 

2.00pm more work. Take 15.67mg sertraline 

3.00pm work until 6pm

6.30pm take 2mg diazepam 

7.00pm have Dinner. Few spikes of chemical anxiety 

8.00pm watch tv - few more spikes find it harder to watch tv - have to do some deep breathing 

10.00pm lights out 

11.00pm can’t sleep

1.00am get to sleep

2.00am wake with teeth clenching 

2.30am-6.00am restless sleep wake with cortisol but not too strong. Some depression on waking 

 

22/4

 

7.00am get up have shower

7.30am-9.30am have zoom work conference 

take 2mg diazepam 

10.00am have wholemeal toast. Doing ok 
11.30am-1.30pm another zoom conference. Take 1mg diazepam at 1pm. Get a few strong spikes of chemical anxiety during the call 

2.00pm take 15.67mg sertraline and eat lunch 

2.30pm anxiety a bit higher now

3.00pm do some work emails 

5.00pm notice anxiety is bit higher than recent days. Some feelings of derealisation and a couple of intrusive memories happening 
6.00pm eat dinner. some nausea and hypersalivation but not earlier in the day 

6.30pm take 2mg diazepam 

7.00pm try and watch tv but too much anxiety so turn it off

9.00pm lights out 

10.30pm -3.00an sleep ok big restless and panic n waking with strong teeth clenching 

4.00am-7.00am same as above. feel some depression on waking and strong fatigue 

 

23/4

 

8.30am have shower. Feel bit better now up. Derealisation is a little bit higher than previous days 

9.00am take 2mg diazepam. have oat smoothie

10..00am-12.00pm working 

12.30pm have lunch. Not feeling too bad except a few spikes of chemical anxiety and a couple of intrusive memories of dreams 

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam 

2.00pm take 15.67mg sertraline 

3.00pm feeling very fatigued and bloated. Period is due so hormonal.

5,30pm have dinner. A few chemical spikes of anxiety and feeling a bit more edgy than previous days but still not too bad 

6.00pm take 2mg diazepam

6.30pm-8.30pm zoom work webinar 

9.00pm feel ok. Try and watch tv but start to get some derealisation and distorted reactions so turn it off

10.30pm -2.00am sleep restless with teeth clenching

2.30am wake from very bad nightmare with night sweats. Have to wake my husband up as so scared 

3.30am-6.00am restless sleep and wake with teeth clenching and some depression 

 

 

[Altostrata]

You may consider reducing sertraline again. I believe the blockade of diazepam may have reasserted.

[Kernol]

24/4

 

9.00am get up. Extreme fatigue. Teeth hurting from clenching. Take 2mg diazepam. Have smoothie 

10.00am period starts. 
11.00am do work zoom call 

12.30pm very tired. Nausea has totally disappeared Today (believe the nausea all month may have been hormonal)

1.00pm have lunch. Take 1mg diazepam 

1.30pm do some work emails 

2.00pm take 15.67mg sertraline. Feel very fatigued due to period and look deathly pale 

3.00pm feel some spikes of chemical anxiety and derealisation. A few intrusive memories of dreams come in
3.30pm do some baking And feel pleased with being able to do this 

4.30pm do some work emails 

5.30pm watching tv but get some strange strong reactions so stop 

6.30pm  take 2mg diazepam and eat dinner 

7.00pm lie down in bed. Notice my feet do not have inner vibrations for several days now. 
8.30pm watch some tv chat shows. Feel ok a few spikes but bearable 

11.00pm lights out 

11.30pm -3.00am restless sleep, some nightmares and very strong teeth clenching 

4.00am-8.00am restless sleep but much lower less intense cortisol. Sneezing on waking again which happens every day for last 10 days that my morning cortisol anxiety has been lower - so weird!

8.30-am feel some depression on waking and a bit of derealisation but I tell myself it is possibly due to hormones so feel a bit better

9.00am take 2mg diazepam. Teeth are hurting from clenching. Have breakfast in bed and watch some cooking programmes. very fatigued still due to period 

10.30am get up and do some painting of walls in bedroom. Some intrusive memories but ok 

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam and have lunch outside in garden

2.00pm take 15.67mg sertraline and Resume painting. 
3.00pm some spikes of derealisation and intrusive memories come with intense bursts of anxiety. The houses st the back remind me of house I grew up in and feel some strong anxiety at the past. I just breathe through 

5.00pm still painting and feeling some spikes of anxiety but nearing end of day so I feel slightly better 

6.00pm have dinner 

6.30pm take 2mg diazepam 

7. 00pm watch football talk on tv with husband. Feel ok although concerned about slight uptick today in the chemical anxiety and strange memories etc

8.30pm go to lie down. 
9.00pm Start looking at things to buy for the house online 

10.30pm still looking online doing some quizzes and reading. Even though fatigued I can’t switch off to sleep 

11.30pm lights out 

11.30pm-5.00am sleep in and out some very  strong teeth clenching and some panicky dreams but cortisol on waking is again lower and sneezing starts! 

 

*’no burning skin for maybe a week

*inner vibrations in feet not present for several days 

*lower morning cortisol And overall anxiety Less for 10 days now 
 

hi @Altostrata I will do a further cut I  just want to get my period out of the way first. What should I cut to - 15.5mg? 
 

 

 

 

 

 

[Altostrata]

15.5mg is a good round number, I think, and a tiny decrease that will help you gain confidence in the process.

 

Are you wearing  a bite guard at night?

[sunnysideup69]

Hey @Kernol, I don't comment very often, but do check your thread - seems like you are making some noticeable improvements. This is wonderful! Also, I love your kitty cat profile pic  xxx

[Kernol]

On 4/27/2020 at 6:57 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

Hey @Kernol, I don't comment very often, but do check your thread - seems like you are making some noticeable improvements. This is wonderful! Also, I love your kitty cat profile pic  xxx

Thank you @sunnysideup69 I hope you are doing  ok and thanks about the kitty photo - it’s a Charlie he is 18 this year but still thinks he’s a kitten  x 

[Altostrata]

Charlie is a beautiful cat.

[Kernol]

25/4

 

9.00am take 2mg diazepam.able to watch tv in bed 

10.00am feel ok very tired due to period but apart from that able to sit in garden 

11.00am make pasta salad doing ok few spikes but ok 

12.00pm clean around house

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam. Eat lunch 

1.45pm help husband decorating in the bedroom. 
2.00pm take 15.67mg sertraline 
2.30pm some intrusive memories come in 

3.00pm stronger derealisation and spikes of Chemical anxiety then I have had in many days. Have to breathe through them 

4.30pm lie on bed breathing 

5.30pm get up and prepare dinner. Feel a bit less derealisation 

6.00pm have dinner 

6.30pm take 2mg diazepam 

7.30pm lie on bed. Put tv on but nothing I fancy watching 

9.00pm do some internet shopping buying things for the house. Feel better than earlier 

11.00pm lights out 

11.30pm - 6.00am sleep ok bit restless due to period pain and teeth clenching bad. Still lower cortisol on rising. Bit of initial depression but ok once awake 

 

26/4

8.00am have croissants in bed as treat. Feel ok

9.00am Take 2mg diazepam. watch tv show in bed - able to watch it with only a couple of spikes of chemical anxiety 

10.30am get up have shower.

11.00am - do some painting of woodwork on a couple of doors in house 

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam. Doing ok. A few spikes of anxiety coming but not unbearable 

2.00pm take 15.67mg sertraline 

2.30pm do some weeding in the garden. Feeling generally ok. 
5.00pm prepare dinner 

6,00pm eat dinner

6.30pm take 2mg diazepam 

7.30pm watch a bit of tv but getting some chemical anxiety and strong dread so leave it

9.00pm lights out as very tired from period 

10.30pm-5.00am some bad nightmares wake me and teeth clenching is bad 

6.00am wake with racing heart and panic - first Time in at least a week - 

7.00am heart still racing - am concerned now that the window has gone but try and calm myself that it’s been a lot worse than this in past 

 

27/4

 

8.00am get up and have shower. Feel a definite change. More anxious. Try and ignore it

9.00am take 2mg diazepam 

10.00am do some work emails. Feel bit better but still nauseous n edge and some intrusive memories are coming in 

11.00am have conference call with work - goes ok 

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam. Starting to get more intrusive memories and general sense of anxiety and unease

2.00pm take 15.67’mg sertraline. Have psychologist call.

3.30pm feel ok but getting some stronger spikes of chemical anxiety and some time travelling and derealisation. Also intrusive memories of dreams. Getting worried now

5.30pm prepare dinner 

6.00pm Eat dinner 

6.30pm take 2mg diazepam 

7.00pm dial into Baylissa’s q&a. Feel a bit worse after listening to the others struggles and length of suffering 

9.00pm go to bed 

10.30pm-5.00am restless sleep with nightmares and panic with racing heart and cortisol rushes on waking. Also extreme heat in the night. Teeth clenching very severe.

7.00am wake up and feel different. More depressed more anxious, heart racing. Try and deep breathe 

 

28/4

 

8.30am watch tv football show but getting strange distorted dread at looking at it. Feel upset I could watch this much easier a few days ago 

9.00am take 2mg diazepam and have shower

9.30am have oatbran

10.00am do some work emails but can feel Lots of dread and strong reactions to things. Houses out the back makes me time travel back to childhood, feel depressed

12.00pm have lunch 

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam 

1.30pm do some more work but finding it hard having to deep breathe through the strong spikes 

2.00pm take 15.67mg sertraline 

3.00pm dial into webinar for work. Feel ok. Do get a few strong spikes I have to breathe through but manage 

5.00pm tv is on advert is on about cancer charity. Triggers strong doom and dread that o have to breathe through. Get intrusive memories of people who have died. Random places and deja vu that I can’t even make sense of

6.00pm eat dinner 

6.30pm take 2mg diazepam 

7.30pm try and do online pub quiz but the compere woman gives me a strong feeling of dread and doom so we have to abandon it. Feel a bit disappointed 

9.00pm lights out. Very fatigued 

10.00pm-5.00am sleep in and out with lots of nightmares and teeth clenching wake with pounding heart and some cortisol rushes. I am scared it is getting stronger again each morning 

 

29/4

 

8.00am get up and feel anxious and full of stomach churning dread
8.40am have shower and oat bran 

9.00am take 2mg diazepam 

10.00am do some work emails - calmed slightly but still getting spikes 

11.00am have work conference call / ok but am more anxious and less focused than I have been 

11.45am getting stronger spikes of dread and doom and having to breathe through them 

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam. Eat lunch 

1.40pm slightly calmer able to do some work emails and focus more 

2.00pm take 15.5mg sertraline

3.00pm spikes getting strong again and having to deep breathe through 

5.00pm still working but spikes happening frequently and some intrusive memories 

6.00pm eat dinner 

6.30pm take 2mg diazepam 

7.00pm feel a bit calmer. Able to browse internet without being triggered by everything 8.00pm do some more work and feel I want to 

9.00pm off to bed 

[Altostrata]

It appears you get spikes of anxiety a couple of hours after you take sertraline, which makes sense because it's ramping up with metabolism blocked by diazepam. Let's hope this gradually declines with sertraline decrease.

[Kernol]

30/4

 

12.00am-5.00am restless sleep waking with strong rushes of dread and doom. Cortisol rushes stronger on waking with racing heart. 
7.00am tried to get back to sleep but keep waking with strong feelings of doom and panic

8.00am get up. Feel much more anxious than previous days and a definite feeling of depression in my stomach heavy. Have no interest in anything and get sharp terror feelings of dread across my chest.

9.00am have shower and take 2mg diazepam. 
10.00am manage some work emails. Have oat bran but no appetite 

11.40am depression is getting stronger and i am feeling more anxious and agitated with it. Can’t focus on anything 

12.00pm lie down try and sleep but keep waking in panic 

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam. Dry crackers for lunch as no appetite 

1.40pm feel awful strong depression and doom and dread everything triggering me and constant feeling of emotional anguish in my stomach 

2.00pm notice the inner vibrations in my feet are back. Take 15.5mg sertraline 

3.30pm do some work emails still feel same as earlier

5.00pm go to bed 

6.30pm take 2mg diazepam 

7.30pm in and out of sleep but toxic sleep and weight of depression is still there 

9.30pm -4.00am sleep in and out but depression is there on waking. Teeth clenching strong.

4.30am wake with strong cortisol rushes and racing thumping heart. Can’t calm down 

5.30am just lay in a thick depression with racing heart and anxiety 

[sunnysideup69]

On 4/29/2020 at 8:24 PM, Kernol said:

Thank you @sunnysideup69 I hope you are doing  ok and thanks about the kitty photo - it’s a Charlie he is 18 this year but still thinks he’s a kitten  x 

 

Hey  I'm ok. Been through some bereavement recently and as a result, have consumed too much sugar. Feb until now have been a bit wavey. Am hoping now I'll settle a bit. Was doing better back in January but life stressors/ bad diet have caused some waves. Overall, though, doing okay.

 

18 years! I think it's adorable Charlie still thinks he's a kitten. Am seriously thinking about getting a kitten, at the moment. Had a cat before, and loved her to bits.

[Kernol]

On 5/1/2020 at 12:41 PM, sunnysideup69 said:

 

Hey  I'm ok. Been through some bereavement recently and as a result, have consumed too much sugar. Feb until now have been a bit wavey. Am hoping now I'll settle a bit. Was doing better back in January but life stressors/ bad diet have caused some waves. Overall, though, doing okay.

 

18 years! I think it's adorable Charlie still thinks he's a kitten. Am seriously thinking about getting a kitten, at the moment. Had a cat before, and loved her to bits.

Hi @sunnysideup69 sorry to hear of your loss. I Hope that things do settle for you now and your healing continues. Yes cats are a lovely companion although of course only on their own terms 😅

[Kernol]

1/5

 

6.00am cortisol is strong and heart is pounding 

7.00am just laying trying to breathe but I can’t seem to get the heart racing down. Feel strong anxiety in my chest and dreading the day 

8.30am get up have shower. Feel strong dread and anxiety and some depression too. I have no interest in anything like I had in my little window and I have no appetite 

9.00am take 2mg diazepam 

9.30am have oatbran smoothie. Feel quite fatigued and my legs are shaking. 
10.00am-11.30am do work emails and deep breathe through the strong anxiety 

11.45am major spike in the intensity and I have to walk around breathing and pacing. I cry out when it’s very intense - almost like a primal thing.

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam. No appetite cannot face any food

1.30pm do some work emails 

2.00pm take 15.5mg sertraline 

3.00pm still same - heart still racing all day 

4.00pm manage to do a work conference call ok 

5.00pm eat some crisps - not v nutritious 

6.00pm take 2mg diazepam and lie down

6.45pm heart is still thumping away, feet vibrating, some mild skin burning and general overall dread 

7.30pm feel a tiny bit better so I can eat dinner 

8.30pm manage to watch tv show

9.30 lights out 

10.30pm-5.00am sleep ok a few night sweats and nightmares wake with teeth clenching and strong cortisol rush with heart thumping 

5.00am-8.00am in and out of cortisol rushes toxic sleep. Try and stay awake as it’s so bad the minute my eyes close. I notice I’m hallucinating on waking - not had this for a while . feel strong dread depression anxiety and some derealisation 

 

[Kernol]

2/5

 

9.00am get up and take 2mg diazepam. Notice my legs are shaky and feel very depressed and strong emotional anxiety and fatigue But heart racing 

9.30am feel tiny bit better so do some vacuuming. Get very hot do lie down my heart Racing. Feel strong anxiety in my chest and strong depression

10.30am sit in garden but feel very disconnected. Have oat smoothie 

11.30am starting to feel extremely bad now pacing vey agitated, legs shaking and extreme depression and dread and doom. Heart is racing. Don’t know what to do with myself except pace. Can’t focus to do anything 

12.30pm have to go to bed. Can’t bear to be awake in this state. Lie and deep breathe trying to get heart racing down. 
1.00pm take 1mg diazepam -manage to fall asleep 

2.00pm wake up with cortisol rush. Take 15.5mg sertraline and go back to sleep

4.00pm wake up with strong cortisol rushes and get up

5.00pm just want the day to end. Very scared by the intensity of the depression and the agitation.

6.00pm take 2mg diazepam Back in bed

7.30pm manage to Eat some dinner 

8.00pm Tiny bit calmer only because day is nearly over

9.00pm spikes of strong chemical dread and doom when looking on Pinterest. Feel despair 

11.00pm sleep

4.00am wake with strong cortisol rushes and heart racing with back and front sizzling nerve burning. Intense depression on waking. Feel totally disconnected and don’t know how I will get through the day. Lie awake 

[sunnysideup69]

18 hours ago, Kernol said:

Hi @sunnysideup69 sorry to hear of your loss. I Hope that things do settle for you now and your healing continues. Yes cats are a lovely companion although of course only on their own terms 😅

 

Thanks Kernol. Really hope healing begins an upward trajectory again now, I know it will, but it's hard to hold onto that when things feel tough. We will improve, though.

Haha, totally, cats definitely want things their own way. 

[Altostrata]

I'm sorry, Kernol. I do believe this push-pull between sertraline and diazepam is what's causing your problems. Hang in there, please.

[Kernol]

3/5

 

6.30am go back to sleep 

7.30am cortisol rushes and depression waking me 

9.00am get up take 2mg diazepam

9.40am have shower feel a bit better. Have oat smoothie

11.00am can feel the anxiety Doom dread starting to rise. Try and keep busy putting laundry away and tidying 

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam. Feelings of doom and dread still there but manage to sit in living room 

2.00pm take 15.5mg sertraline 

3.00pm feel a little better looking on my phone at photos I have taken over past few months which reminds me there have been pockets of feeling slightly better

3.30pm get the urge to finish the decorating. Manage 45 minutes but then start to get very strong dread and intrusive Random  memories come in so I have to stop 

5.30pm have Epsom salt bath 

6.00pm take 2mg diazepam and lie on bed. Feel some burning skin. Feel ok til 7.15pm

7.15pm start to get strong emotional anguish I don’t even recognise the feeling - pretty barbaric in and out of it

9.00pm try and watch a film - still getting very powerful surges in stomach of strong emotional reactions so give up 

10.00pm lights out 

11.00pm-5.00am restless sleep teeth clenching, nightmares, night sweats and wake with cortisol rush, pounding Heart and sizzling nerve pain on back and front.

6.00am in and out of toxic sleep seeing and hearing hallucinations on waking 

 

4/5

8.00am get up have shower. Very shaky legs. Depression not as horrific as Saturday. Feel very hot in the house. Strong spikes of dread. 
9.00am take 2mg diazepam have oat smoothie

10.00am work emails

11.30am work conference call. Some anxiety but manage ok

12.00pm starts to ramp up with spikes of strong dread and some intrusive memories. no appetite for lunch

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam 

2.00pm doing some work and take 15.5mg sertraline 

3.00pm feel a bit better so eat some toast 

4.00pm still feeling bit calmer 

4.30pm do some work emails doing ok 

5.00pm start to notice a rise and my thinking goes to dark thoughts

5.30pm lie on bed. Get strong ocd thought which triggers a panic not had one of these in a while 

6.00pm take 2mg diazepam. Calm a little. Have oat smoothie as no appetite. Notice Some skin burning 

7.00pm dial into Baylissa’s q&a - feel worse when I hear of others length of suffering 

8.00pm Watch nfl show with husband. Getting odd intrusive random memories and strange emotional reactions strong strong dread pumping out of me. 
9.00pm tired so lights out 

[Kernol]

5/5

 

12.00am-6.00am sleep restlessly but not too bad. Some night sweats and waking with bad teeth clenching 

6.30am  wake with strong cortisol rush and racing thumping heart with some sizzling burning back skin 

7.00am in and out of toxic sleep with some hallucinations. Very powerful emotions second my eyes close and straight into dreaming.

8.30am get up feel high anxiety but depression is better. Have shower. Notice my eyes look glassy and drugged. Feel quite shaky especially my legs are shaking 

9.00am take 2mg diazepam 

9.30am have oat smoothie 

10.00am do work emails. Still medium to high anxiety but not extreme

11.30am get powerful intrusive memory of and old dream which sets off strong chemical anxiety. Feel a bit disconnected 

12.30pm no appetite for lunch so just some oat cakes and fruit 

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam 

2.00pm do work. Take 15.5mg sertraline 

4.00pm still working some spikes of anxiety but not too extreme

5.30pm get v strong intrusive memory of school. Comes with strong chemical anxiety 

6.00pm take 2mg diazepam 

6.40pm lie in bed watching tv but getting very strange intrusive memories again and strong chemical anxiety with it so give up

7.30pm have sandwich no appetite

9.00pm lights out 

11.00pm-6.00am very bad sleep with nightmares and extreme teeth clenching waking me

6.00am cortisol rush with pounding heart and hallucinations on waking 

7.00am in and out of sleep. Extreme depression and dread the second my eyes close so have to wake up

 

6/5

 

8.30am get up have shower. High anxiety but depression ok. Vision blurred when trying to read 

9.00am take 2mg diazepam have shower. Notice my eyes look glassy and drugged. 

10.00am have oat smoothie and do work call ok

11.00am working some spikes of anxiety but able to work 

12.00pm start to feel some strong derealisation and hearing the lawnmower outside makes me town travel and feel deranged. Very anxious and feel disconnected 

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam and have oat cakes as no appetite 

2.00pm working. Take 15.5mg sertraline and work till 4.30pm ok feeljng spikes of anxiety but not extreme

4.45pm massive spike in anxiety so extreme I have to lay down the dread and chemical doom so strong the world is distorted. 

5.00pm lie down deep breathing trying not to panic that I am getting stronger waves day by day 
6.00pm take 2mg diazepam. Try and look at nice pictures of places on phone but everything triggers the feeling of utter doom and stomach wrenching dread 

7.00pm calmed a little. Strange intrusive half formed memories coming but gut wrenching bit less. Eat sandwich. Notice my skin is burning on stomach and back 

8.00pm try and look for birthday card online - the strong chemical dread and doom escalate so I have to give up. Strong electric emotional pain anxiety in stomach. Try and read my notes on phone but my vision is so blurred I can’t focus. 

9.00pm deep breathing and lights out 

[Altostrata]

Do you feel you can reduce the sertraline by 0.25mg?

[Kernol]

Hi @Altostrata I am scared to drop more in this state but I will definitely consider it over the weekend and see how the symptoms go over the next couple of days. One thing I am starting to get concerned about is if I get these windows immediately on a drop ( one on finishing vortioxetine and then the one a couple of weeks ago) but then things get really bad when my nervous system notices the drop - is that common and if so I am worried how the tapering is going to go the lower I get. I had hoped the window was a good sign but historically I seem to have only had such short windows and then very long waves. 

[Altostrata]

I have also observed this pattern. I believe that your micro-tapering sertaline every 4 days may stay ahead of the curve. Theoretically, at some point, the diazepam-sertraline balance will be such that the sertraline is metabolized better and you won't get this bad reaction because it backs up.

[Kernol]

7/5

 

12.00am-6.00am relates sleep lots of feelings of depression when waking and teeth clenching 

7.30am get up feel lots of painful emotional anxiety and I feel some disconnection like I’m living in the past 

8.30am have shower 

9.00am take 2mg diazepam 

9.30am have oat smoothie

10.00am do some work but very hard to focus. I’ve got non interest in anything feel emotionally disturbed. 
11.30am still same continuing to try and work 

12.00pm feel a bit better little less emotional pain 
12.45pm spikes massively with weird strange memories and strong bursts of chemical anxiety

100pm take 1mg diazepam 

1.30 eat sandwich 

2.00pm take 15.5mg sertraline

2.30pm still getting spikes but I am able to sit

3.00pm dial into work webinar - some strong spikes but manage ok 

4.30pm feeling it all rise again just everything feels distorted and I am Tom travelling with the sound of lawnmowers and birds and just generally feel very strange 

5.30pm lie down

6.00pm take .2mg diazepam 

7.00pm have another smoothie as no appetite 

9.00pm lights out 

 

8/5

 

12.00am-5.00am waking with lots of heavy depression and painful anxiety feelings during night and extremely hot with night sweats and teeth clenching 

8.00am get up and feel strong derealisation and depression but the time travelling is the worst and strong emotional pain thinking avoid anything in the past

9.00am take .2mg diazepam. Feel very dosconnected. keep thinking about my mum being dead and get the feeling of horror run through me

10.00am walk to shop don’t feel too bad

11.00am feeling bad but manage to sit outside 

12.00pm walk to shop again but feel more doom this time but still not worst 

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam 

1.30pm feeling time travelling very strongly and diazepam not helped feel so deranged and disconnected 

2.00pm take 15.5mg sertraline 

3.00pm feel same as earlier strong time travelling and derealisation and emotional pain is strong 

4.30pm gets worse have to go and lie down 

6.00pm take 2mg diazepam can feel depression and strong emotional pain

7.00pm manage to eat dinner 

9.00pm lights out

 

9/5

 

The pits from the minute I opened my eyes

8.00am feel strong time travelling like I’m in the past emotional pain and depression 

9.00am take 2mg diazepam 

10.00am feel tiny bit better but doesn’t last

12.00pm just strong emotional pain and time travelling into the past feel deranged

1.00pm take 1mg diazepam and lie down cannot stand it

2.00pm take 15.5mg sertraline 

2.30pm go to sleep

4.00pm wake up in a panic from nightmares 

5.00pm feel totally depressed disconnected and disturbed 

progressively deteriorating emotional symptoms and mental symptoms over last 2 days with no moments of respite 

[Altostrata]

Kernol, how are you doing? Did you reduce sertraline by 0.25mg?

[Kernol]

Hi @Altostrata I am doing better last few days thanks. Things continued to be bad until May 15th and then last 4 days have been a semi window. I reduced by 0.25mg to 15.25mg on May 13th and then reduced by 0.25mg to 15mg yesterday May 18th.  
 

I seem to do better towards the end of my menstrual cycle - same window happened last couple of months at same time. 

 

 

[Altostrata]

Good to hear, Kernol.

 

Is there a way to alleviate your pre-menstrual symptom pattern? I used to take ibuprofen when I felt it coming on, that helped.

[Terry]

Hi Kernol,

 

I'm glad to hear that you've had a bit of respite the last few days.  I was getting concerned about you since I hadn't seen any posts recently.  It's good to see that you're making some cuts to sertraline.  Let's hope you'll have this window for a while.

 

Warm wishes,

Terry

[Kernol]

Bless you thank you @Terry i have had some short windows which I have been enjoying the respite. It’s amazing how you appreciate the small things. I hope you are doing ok too? ❤️

[Kernol]

20 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Good to hear, Kernol.

 

Is there a way to alleviate your pre-menstrual symptom pattern? I used to take ibuprofen when I felt it coming on, that helped.

Thanks @Altostrata bizarrely my windows are actually coming from Day 20 onwards in my cycle - so premenstrual is ok it’s the rest of the time from Day 3 onwards it ramps back up and unfortunately I can feel it escalating today. Will see if the pattern is the same again  this month.

 

should I continue to drop by 0.25mg every 4/5 days do you think? 

[Altostrata]

39 minutes ago, Kernol said:

should I continue to drop by 0.25mg every 4/5 days do you think? 

 

Yes, I would do that. Please let us know of big changes in symptoms.

 

The female cycle involves the production of prostaglandins prior to menstruation. For many women, it's these hormones that cause the more disruptive symptoms. Ibuprofen dampens down prostaglandins. If you take it in advance of menstruation, it can lessen cramps and other symptoms. For you, the prostaglandin rise may start 10 days ahead of menstruation. A few days of ibuprofen at that time of month might help.

[Terry]

1 hour ago, Kernol said:

I hope you are doing ok too?

Thanks for asking Kernol.  I think I'm doing pretty well.  I could use more sleep, but then I've had problems with sleep for many years.  I do experience a bit of anxiety, nervousness, and weakness.  I've started walking the halls everyday in our building for about 15-20 minutes.  I know it's probably not enough exercise, but it's a start.  I am so de-conditioned that it'll take some time to get in better shape.

[Kernol]

On 5/20/2020 at 8:04 PM, Terry said:

Thanks for asking Kernol.  I think I'm doing pretty well.  I could use more sleep, but then I've had problems with sleep for many years.  I do experience a bit of anxiety, nervousness, and weakness.  I've started walking the halls everyday in our building for about 15-20 minutes.  I know it's probably not enough exercise, but it's a start.  I am so de-conditioned that it'll take some time to get in better shape.

hi @Terry that’s good you are doing 15-20 minutes of hall walking I am not even doing that! I am trying to at least do some stretches and gentle yoga. I am so unfit!