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Kernol

Kernol: was doing well on my sertraline taper but now in hell and doc reinstated

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Altostrata
6 hours ago, Kernol said:

so not such a bad day as day before but very bad night - doesn’t seem to be any pattern?

 

My guess is the 0.5mg decrease in vortioxetine is evening out. My intuition also says your adverse effects from the evening into the morning are from the vortioxetine you're taking at 4 p.m.

 

The 0.5mg decrease was 20% of 2.5mg. It makes sense that it took several days for the withdrawal reaction to settle out. To reduce vortioxetine on a expedited schedule, I might decrease by 0.10mg every 6 days until you get to 1mg, then decrease by 0.5mg every 6 days.

 

Please post daily notes throughout this process so we can see how you do with this expedited taper.

 

How does this sound?

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Kernol

20/10

 

8.00am Trying to sleep as so tired but just going in and out of panic and random memories so get up

9.00 have shower take .2mg diazepam

10.00am restless can’t watch tv I feel dread all the time 

11.30am so tired my eyes are heavy try and nap on couch but every time I drop off I go into random memories and also things I’ve done wrong and ashamed of in my life come with a jolt of fear, have to give up 

12.30pm have sandwich 

1.30pm dread feeling is strong I can’t settle

2.00pm take 1mg diazepam try and sleep again this time I manage to sleep

3.30pm get up but have strong feeling of edginess like a bad fearful feeling something bad is going to happen 

4.00pm take 2mg vortioxetine 

5.00pm manage to watch football with husband but only 20 minutes as dread feeling in stomach is still strong
6.00m ate dinner 

7.00pm read success stories hope that I will be one of them, so tired I can’t keep my eyes open. Take 2mg diazepam

8.00pm take 16mg sertraline, lie in bed with suicidal thoughts but calmer 

9.30pm fall off to sleep

11.30pm woken with my teeth slamming down on my mouth guard 

12.00am - 5.00am waking with very strong teeth clenching, I can feel my face has been grimacing when I wake, head is jerking a lot, arms going numb and lots of panicky wakings no real sleep, hearing noises too people’s voices loud in a semi awake state. Scared by how bad this night was and have woken in a despair

 

@Altostratait doesn’t seem like the vortioxetine is evening out too well yet if it is that or it could still be destabilisation from the sertraline. I feel like I am in one big chemical mess 

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Kernol

When I look back over the last almost 12 months since the high dose reinstatement of sertraline - some of my symptoms started on the reinstatement (burning, electric shock sensations etc)  I have never stabilised from the relentless anxiety and depression which has felt like a struggle to survive each day apart from a 4 day period in April on 50mg when everything went (was my only window I suppose looking back). Things are much worse now over the last 3 months (since going down from 25mg in my ill advised big jump to 16 to 8 then back up to 16)  than the previous 9 months - I dont know whether I never stabilised over the last year because reinstatement didnt work for me and my body rejected it or because I have tapered too quickly and also tapering the diazepam at the same time. I just am filled with fear about what this means for me and the road forward and I feel like I have an impossible decision to make - do I go back slowly up to 25mg or do I hang on with 16mg for even longer for stabilisation that may never come given my history?- Its so hard to hold on to hope when I look at whats happened and I have already suffered so much over the last year, I just want a tiny bit of respite from the emotional hell- just to be able to live a tiny bit, watch tv, listen to music, read a book anything would be nice. Sorry im venting I guess its battle fatigue. I just have no idea what to do for the best...psychiatrists I have no faith in - the last one wanted me to stop the vortioxetine dead and start on lamotrigine. Some days I feel so desperate I half consider it as an option if it would give any relief and then the rest of the time I dont want to touch any more drugs.

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Altostrata
8 hours ago, Kernol said:

9.00 have shower take .2mg diazepam

 

Did you take .2mg or 2mg diazepam?

 

Kernol, nobody knows what's going on. All you can do is change one thing at a time and see what happens.

 

It could be that the symptoms you attribute to withdrawal are drug-drug interactions or adverse effects. Depression is a common side effect of benzo use; it's also probably the vortioxetine is interacting with your other drugs.

 

Did the bruxism start after you started vortioxetine?

 

Please do not blame yourself for your situation.  Read Shame, guilt, regret, and self-criticism

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Kernol

Hi @Altostrata Sorry 2mg diazepam!

 

yes the Bruxism started on my 6th week of vortioxetine after I reduced from 10mg back to 5mg however it was also the time I dropped the Sertraline beneath 25mg. The bruxism was not as severe then as it has been over the last 4 weeks though when there have been nights like last night when it is severe and my face is screwed up clenching down very hard when I wake from it repeatedly. 

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Altostrata

Kernol, please hang in there. I experienced bruxism from antidepressant withdrawal myself, I even broke a tooth before using a night guard regularly.

 

My guess is it's the vortioxetine that's causing the excessive activation. It takes 7–11 hours to reach steady-state in your bloodstream. This means after you take it at 4 p.m., it reaches full effect between 11 p.m. and 3 a.m., which is when you get the worst symptoms of muscle tension in your jaw.

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Kernol

Thanks @Altostrata thats very interesting about the timing for the full effect. I had hoped that now I am taking much less Vortioxetine then things would have improved not got worse but there are no guarantees I know. Maybe the vortioxetine reduction is intensifying the destabilisation from the Sertraline. I know some of the symptoms are the same as the beginning of the year when i was destabilised from the high reinstatement such as the burning, the numbness at night, the chemical anxiety but then there are new symptoms in the last 3 months which I never had before such as these daily intrusive memories and the bruxism.

 

21/10

8.00am - get up have shower, distressed because of the bad night,suicidal ideation strong, jaw is sore from the clenching, tired
9.00am - take 2mg diazepam, feeling dread about the future, try and tell myself I will get better than this
10.00am - feel a bit calmer, speak to mother in law on phone she boosts my hope with her hope
11.00am - do some work emails
12.00pm - eat sandwich, still feeling down worried if i will sleep tonight, try and change the channel
1.00pm - head feels tingly and vice like - very similar to first few days of sertraline taper
2.00pm - take 1mg diazepam
3.00pm - do a little bit of work
3.30pm - children walk past house coming home from school, reminds me of being at school and get intense electrical anxiety reaction right through to my head,brain tingling and feels like its on fire - for no reason, I didnt have a traumatic schooling. 
4.00pm - sense of edginess comes over me and also a few random memories with anxiety spikes - pattern seems to be in the afternoon. take 2mg vortioxetine
5.30pm - eat some dinner
6.00pm - feel a bit calmer, play a quiz with husband
7.00pm - take 2mg diazepam
8.00pm - take 16mg sertraline and lie down
10.00pm - fall asleep
12.00am - woken with a burning electric anxiety feeling 
1.00am - 5.00am - woken with teeth clenching and electric anxiety through my stomach and head and arms going numb repeatedly

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Altostrata

Can you move the vortioxetine dose earlier in the day, by an hour each day?

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Kernol

Hi @Altostrata yes I can do that. Is that as well as making the reduction as I only took 1.9mg today as it has been 7 days since the last reduction? 

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Altostrata

No, let's see what the reduction does. It probably won't have any effect for some days, vortioxetine has such a long half-life.

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Kernol


22/10

8.00am - get up have shower, feel the same dread, songs looping
9.00am - take 2mg diazepam, dont really seem to get any noticable relief in the level of anxiety from this. I usually notice a small reduction in anxiety for a couple of hours. Random memory of a road in a town I have not been to in many years
11.00am - put washing on, answer some work emails
12.00pm - have psychology appt, feeling dread still 
1.00pm - walk to corner shop, have strong derealisation, feel very amped up from it. Tell myself I have had it many times and it will calm down
2.00pm - random memory pops coming thick and fast and song looping in my head. take 1mg diazepam
2.30pm - just sitting down doing some work and my eye starts flickering and panic attack happens out of the blue, feel shivery afterwards. Try and calm down tell myself its just energy flowing through
3.30pm - random memories and electric anxiety - same time as yesterday and the day before I think
4.00pm - strong derealisation, feel very peculiar. take 1.9mg vortioxetine
5.00pm - eat dinner, random memory of shopping centre not been to in 20 years with strong fear jolt
6.00pm - feeling a bit calmer, play quiz with husband
7.00pm - take 2mg diazepam
8.00pm - accidentally fall asleep
9.00pm - take 16mg sertraline a bit late
11.00pm - fall asleep
2.00am - woken with pins and needles and numbness in arms
4.30am - teeth clenching starts but later than normal

 

@AltostrataI am so concerned about the increase in random memories these last few weeks, I have had them for more than 3 months but they are getting more frequent and I keep thinking if it is the Vortioxetine causing them then shouldnt they be getting less since Ive lowered the dose so much over this time. I just wish I knew what causes them and why I am getting them more. I just feel like I am going crazy and losing my mind with them they are so alien to me and I am scared they are never going to go away! I try and tell myself that they will. It wouldnt be so bad if they didnt come with a strong fear jolt. I spoke to another lady on here and she has had them on her reinstatement of Sertraline but hers have gone now and she didnt have them for the same length of time. 

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Altostrata

Yes, I think the vortioxetine is interacting with your other drugs and changing it even a little changes the balance with all of them.

 

My guess is your taking the sertraline a little late might have postponed the vortioxetine - sertraline interaction that manifests in teeth-clenching. Plus, the reduction to 2mg you made 8 days ago is just about be taking effect. (With a half-life of 66 hours, vortioxetine wash-out -- when reduction is fully realized in the bloodstream -- would be almost 18 days. Your 0.5mg reduction is about half-way out of your system.)

 

You are not going crazy, you've got chemicals from the pills running around in your system. Please hang in there. Your notes are excellent.

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Kernol

23/10 

 

8.00am - get up have shower, songs looping
9.00am - take 2mg diazepam, do some work emails
11.00am - I book a train ticket for my dad from my hometown where I grew up and just seeing the name of the town on the screen gives me a huge strong chemical anxiety feeling in my stomach and tingling through my head. I freak out, I dont understand why anything to do with my past makes me react like this. I fear I will never be able to go anywhere again. I tell myself it is just a strange association due to  withdrawal and will go in time 
12.00pm - still very anxious - this new alien chemical feeling in my stomach is very strong, trying to just accept it for now. Its hard
2.00pm - take 1mg diazepam, the anxiety feeling coming in waves, anything seems to set it off
3.30pm - try and do some more work and an online quiz
4.00pm - take 1.9mg vortioxetine
5.30pm - eat sandwich, feel a bit shell shocked at what is happening with these bizarre extreme anxiety reactions to benign places or memories. head feels very electric and tingling.
7.00pm - I notice my skin pain is worse than last few days, feels like I am being burnt by a lighter on areas of my back and legs - it just comes and disappears  (had this before at beginning of year with reinstatement of sertraline) take 2mg diazepam, feel a tiny bit calmer, lie down in bed watching football match on TV with husband
9.00pm - take 16mg sertraline later hoping that it might mean I dont get the teeth clenching as early - not sure if that was right or wrong?
10.00pm - random memories and old dreams come rapid fire, then fall to sleep
11.30pm - woken with panic attack, strange as took me a while to work out where I was
12.30am - woken again with teeth clenching
1.00am - 6.00am - mostly awake and when falling to sleep, panic or teeth clenching wakes me

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Altostrata

When you need to do something out of your routine, it causes anxiety. I experienced this yourself. Do what you can to calm yourself down, you have more capacity than you think.

 

You're using your nightguard? Is it flexible or hard? You may need a more rubbery one, to cushion the bruxism.

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Kernol

hi @Altostrata it is a flexible rubbery one I use. This chemical feeling anxiety is so hard to bear its so strong and all the time there. I am just praying for the day when it goes down a notch - never thought I would pray to feel my own organic anxiety but I am. It is nothing compared to this chemical feeling..I just wonder how much longer can I stand it at this level of intensity

 


24/10
8.00am - get up have shower, same song looping in my head 
9.00am - take 2mg diazepam
10.00am - not able to do any work, feel depressed as well as anxious 
10.30am - lie down to deep breathe. Start getting random memories etc as I start to get drowsy
11.00am - have to get up as having strong depressing feeling as soon as I drift into a half sleep
11.30am - looking out the window, feel like the whole world looks depressing. Feeling scares me. 
12.00pm - try and think of anything to make myself feel better - holidays anything pleasant
1.00pm - tried to sleep, random memories bringing this strong dread feeling, then drop off to sleep
2.00pm - woken with teeth clenching, take 1mg diazepam
3.00pm - try and do some more work, the anxiety in my stomach is so strong it feels like every nerve ending is on fire, I am deep breathing but it is not lessening
4.00pm - take 1.9mg Vortioxetine
4.30pm - still strong electric anxiety at anything and every thought, this is really hard to bear

5.00pm - try and watch TV, a programme about holiday homes in the sun but it brings strong dread  and my brain feels like its on fire when I look at the lovely sunny places with nice scenery - I get upset that this is the only emotion I can feel at things that would normally look pleasant. I switch it off and feel desperate.
5.30pm - cant eat so husband makes me a meal replacement drink. Head feels like its in a vice, electric tingling
7.00pm - take 2mg diazepam
8.00pm - tiny bit calmer, listen to some binaural beats sounds 
9.00pm - take 16mg sertraline
9.30pm - fall asleep
11.30pm -woken with teeth clenching and strong stomach dread feeling, also burning on stomach and back is strong
12.00am - 4.00am - woken quite a few times with teeth clenching and anxiety but no panic attacks
5.00am - strong cortisol rushes

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Altostrata

Really sorry this is so hard. Please be aware that a sense of depression is a common side effect of diazepam, a CNS depressant.

 

While you're waiting for the 0.1mg vortioxetine reduction to take effect, could you move vortioxetine a half-hour earlier each day? Given vortioxetine's half-life, this should have little effect, but my sense is the farther it is away from your nighttime sertraline, the better for your nighttime symptoms.

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Kernol

25/10

 

8.00am got up had shower

9.00am took 2mg diazepam 

9-15am anxiety is so strong electric and burning nerves in stomach I deep breathe, walk around 

9.45am - it has lessened a tiny bit but still strong

10.30am - try and do some work 

12.00pm - manage a sandwich

1.00pm - strong dread some of it is me thinking of never getting better I try and change the channel

2.00pm - take 1mg diazepam 

2.30pm lie down deep breathing for 1 hour, feel tiny bit calmer

4.00pm husband asks me if I want a pizza takeaway for dinner, random memory of pizza place in town I used to live in causes extreme bizarre anxiety reaction so strong I feel like I want to vomit. Why??? There is no logic to it I despair this bizarre phenomenon of my memories of totally benign places causing this extreme chemical anxiety is not letting up its only getting worse. take 1.9 vortioxetine

5.00pm - lay in bed I’m so distraught 
7.00pm take 2mg diazepam, listen to binaural beats for anxiety but it doesn’t help

9.00pm take 16mg sertraline 

10.00pm fall asleep

12.00am woken with loud bang noise that was not actually there

1.00am-3.00am - I must have slept

3.30am teeth clenching and strong cortisol rushes until dawn 

 

@Altostrata I am fearing that this strong chemical anxiety and these bizarre memory things are actually the sertraline and not the vortioxetine and that makes me despair more because I feel like I can’t do anything with the sertraline and yet I can’t carry on enduring this indefinitely. Its overwhelming and I don’t seem to get any respite. 

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Altostrata

I do think the sertraline is involved, it's interacting with vortioxetine. Can you try moving the vortioxetine a half-hour earlier each day?

 

Moving the sertraline earlier is an option, but then it's closer to the vortioxetine.

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Kernol

Hi @Altostrata I can move the vortioxetine earlier. Just so I understand what would be the benefit of moving the sertraline time? 

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Altostrata

If the sertraline is causing the activation at night, resulting in bruxism in a regular pattern, taking it earlier might help you sleep better. However, if it's interacting with vortioxetine, moving it closer will bring on an adverse reaction earlier in the evening.

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Kernol

Hi @Altostrata terrible day yesterday but the bruxism was less intense in the night 

 

26/10

8.00am got up, lots of random memories of places giving me this overwhelming anxiety 

9.00am take 2mg diazepam, it’s a dark miserable day outside, mood is low and my mind is filled with all these random memories and same song looping through my head

10.30am - try and lie down and deep breathe, keep telling myself these bizarre reactions are just the chemicals they won’t be there forever

12.00pm - very down because of the anxiety being so strong and overwhelming, back and stomach burning, brain feels like it’s on fire.

2.00pm take 1mg diazepam, lie down again I don’t know what else to do with myself I can’t settle today I feel so scared of what’s happening but I try my best to accept and that it isn’t permanent

4.00pm take 1.9mg vortioxetine 

5.30pm -  manage some dinner 

6.00pm - try and watch tv but makes the anxiety worse which upsets me more

7.00pm take 2mg diazepam, read some success stories, play short quiz with hisband

8.00pm listen to binaural beats

9.00pm take 16mg sertraline 

11.30pm - wake to strong burning back and stomach and night sweat, think I had a nightmare 

12.30 - 5.00am - slept with bruxism there but not as strong 

5.00am - awake with cortisol rushes but with strong burning and tingling in my head/brain, stomach and back 

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Altostrata

Let's hold on to the possibility that bruxism is decreasing, a good sign. Are you able to move the vortioxetine earlier? When did you reduce to 1.9mg?

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Kernol

Ok will do @Altostrata I reduced to 1.9mg on Tuesday. I will update my signature. So far today is better than yesterday... thank you for all your help 

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Altostrata

Do you feel you can reduce vortioxetine to 1.8mg? As it has a very long half-life, it's unlikely you'll feel this right away.

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Kernol

Yes I Think so - will reduce to 1.8mg 

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Kernol

27/10 
8.00am - got up had shower, feel slightly calmer than yesterday
9.00am - have smoothie, take 2mg diazepam sit down to do crossword with husband
11.00am - do some cleaning in the house, some intrusive thoughts coming - what if I end up in chemical terror? what if I never stabilise?
2.00pm - take 1mg diazepam. Attempt to leave house on my own to walk around the block. Anxious but do okay until I walk past the post office, I have been in there this year and felt very anxious so it triggers me to feel very nauseated with anxiety and dread and this sets off the burning in the head and stomach. I have to turn back after that
3.00pm - attempting to calm myself and not be disappointed that the strong reaction came whilst out, at least I tried
4.00pm - a few random memories of old dream snippets come in. I take 1.8mg vortioxetine. sit to watch football with husband, getting quite strong dread and anxiety watching it, as I am always checking to see how I feel. I continue to watch it regardless.
6.30pm - lay down, I play a quiz game
7.00pm - take 2mg diazepam, try and listen to binaural beats but tonight they make me feel a bit edgy so stop listening
9.00pm - take 16mg sertraline, notice quite a lot of burning on stomach tonight
11.30pm - have had a nightmare so wake in cold sweat
1.00am - 4.00am - keep waking up because of the intense emotions in my sleep, dread anxiety and doom in my sleep, not restful
5.00am - awoken by strong teeth clench
5.00am - 7.00am - the half wake half sleep strong emotions continue and my head is on fire, tingling and electric. I get up and feel nauseated and vomit.


@Altostrata a bit of a mixed bag. I am still concerned that most of what I am suffering is the sertraline reduction/updose that i made. I am wondering if my brain simply cannot cope with being beneath 25mg - it feels like something broke when I cut below that point and all this random memory stuff and the extreme anxiety when I think about places, events, people for no apparent reason. Its been 4 months nearly and they seem to be getting worse not better. What hope do I have of them abating now? I had so hoped that they might have lessened a bit now I have been back on 16mg for 7 weeks but the tell tale side effects/withdrawal effects of sertraline  that I have had for a couple of weeks on each taper before I got down to 25mg are also not getting any better ie the burning stomach, back, skin pain and tingling burning head/brain so this leads me to believe it is the sertraline that is causing most of what I am suffering.

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Kernol

also have noticed a definite pattern that mid afternoon 2-4pm there is a definite spike in electric feeling chemical anxiety and also random memories. Is this just because my main doses of diazepam are morning and evening and it has worn off at this midpoint of the afternoon- I have noticed this for a week or so now every day around the same kind of time?

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Shep
On 10/28/2019 at 5:38 AM, Kernol said:

I am wondering if my brain simply cannot cope with being beneath 25mg - it feels like something broke when I cut below that point and all this random memory stuff and the extreme anxiety when I think about places, events, people for no apparent reason.

 

19 hours ago, Kernol said:

also have noticed a definite pattern that mid afternoon 2-4pm there is a definite spike in electric feeling chemical anxiety and also random memories. Is this just because my main doses of diazepam are morning and evening and it has worn off at this midpoint of the afternoon- I have noticed this for a week or so now every day around the same kind of time?

 

Kernol, I went back to what you posted when you returned to the forum in September. 

 

On 9/23/2019 at 5:50 AM, Kernol said:

Sertraline: 5 Feb 100mg 23 Feb 75mg 18 Mar 50mg 23 Apr 37.5mg 1 Jun 25mg 3 July 16mg 3 Aug 8mg 1 Sep 16mg - taken at night 8pm

 

vortioxetine: started 1 Jul 5mg 10 sep 3.75mg 18 Sep 2.5mg
 

diazepam: 10 March 20mg dropped every 2/3 weeks by 1mg until 5mg reached then 0.5mg drops. Now at 3.5mg. Split morning lunch and evening 

 

You were reducing the diazepam and the sertraline at the same time. It's possible that the random memories are related to the earlier diazepam reductions, as well as the sertraline. 

 

I'm not sure it's related to the diazepam wearing off, though. Diazepam as a half-life of up to 200 hours (8 days) and you're dosing twice a day. So I think you're okay with your current diazepam schedule. 

 

Also, you posted a pattern of chemical anxiety and random memories between 2 - 4 PM. You're taking the vortioxetine at 4 PM now. Do you feel better after you take the vortioxetine? 

 

 

On 10/26/2019 at 5:20 AM, Kernol said:

12.00am woken with loud bang noise that was not actually there

 

Does this happen a lot? This is called "exploding head syndrome" and occurs during benzo and / or SSRI withdrawal.

 

Exploding head syndrome or SSRI withdrawal?

 

Sometimes it can help to know that these odd experiences are quite normal for someone going through withdrawal. 

 

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Kernol

Hi @Shep I don’t seem to feel better after the vortioxetine no. I just noticed they seem to come more around that time of the afternoon and also a lot on going off to sleep and waking.

 

The Loud bangs happen sporadically. I also hear music but it’s actually the bathroom fan and I smell things that aren’t there. 
 

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Kernol

28/10

 

8.00am got up had shower, feel dread in my stomach and a background sense of fear

9.00am take 2mg diazepam, fear lessens slightly 

11.30am strong stomach dropping sensation when thinking about going anywhere or pretty much thinking anything. This particular sensation was removed whilst on vortioxetine I couldn’t physically manifest it and is now returning so I guess a sign the drug is leaving me

12.30pm - eat sandwich 

1.00pm - 3.00pm mainly feeling the stomach dropping sensation which has been my most long lasting symptom and why I was put on sertraline all those years ago. Starting to obsess a bit that even if I get out of the chemical withdrawal I will still have to conquer this and because I couldn’t conquer it 11 years ago without meds, feel depressed about my future. Try and tell myself that I can do it and therapy will work. take 1mg diazepam at 2pm

3.30pm random memories of old dreams, half formed -try and ignore them. Take 1.8mg vortioxetine 

4.30pm have Epsom salt bath

5.00pm - a feeling of intense fear comes I lie down I feel really scared. Burning on stomach gets very strong 

6.00pm - monthly period has arrived. Maybe this is connected

7.00pm - still feel very edgy and depressed too. Take 2mg diazepam 

8.00pm - try and play quiz game but hard to play concentrate with this fear feeling

9.00pm take 16mg sertraline 

11.00pm - wake up burning and very hot, also really irritable 

11.30pm - wake up after very real feeling nightmare of me having a seizure - had to wake my husband to see if it had actually happened. Terrified 

1.00am - 4.00am - restless sleep with feelings of fear. Teeth clenching happening but not as hard biting down

4.00am - 6.00am - cortisol rushes but feel much more like a deeper intense fear than usual

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Kernol

28/10
8.00am - got up had shower, very strong anxiety, feel derealisation and dread and feel very nauseated
9.00am - take 2mg diazepam, anxiety lessens slightly, am able to do some work emails
11.30am - anxiety starts to spike, feel strong dread in stomach, start pacing, head tingling, back burning, stomach burning
12.30pm - psychologist comes, very anxious, stomach churning over but lessens a bit by the end 
2.00pm - do some work emails, take 1mg diazepam. Feel edgy, not as electric as some days
3.00pm - take 1.8mg vortioxetine
4.00pm - do some deep breathing, thoughts of going anywhere filling me with dread, try and tell myself I wont be like this forever
5.00pm - starts to get dark outside, feel the fear rising, feel strong derealisation and panicky, head is tingling, brain feels on fire
7.00pm take 2mg diazepam, things calm down a bit, derealisation lessens, dont feel as scared
8.00pm - listen to binaural beats
9.00pm - take 16mg sertraline
11.00pm - random places causing anxiety as usual as I drift off.  fall asleep
12.00am - nightmare but manage to fall back to sleep. teeth are clenching but not as strong, wake a few times disorientated not sure where i am what day it is etc
4.00am - wake with strong dread, song looping, cortisol rushes but same as yesteday where they feel different much more of a deep fear feeling as opposed to just energy rushes. This continues until 6.00am


 

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Kernol

30/10

8.00am - get up feel really disorientated like im still in a dream I just had, also didnt know what day or month it was on first waking. I have a shower
9.00am - take 2mg diazepam, calm slightly, do some work emails
10.30am - my dad comes, able to converse okay 
12.30pm - making soup for my dad, thought comes in of kitchen where i grew up and he still lives, strong chemical anxiety reaction, brain burning, back burning. I tell myself not to try and work out why these bizarre reactions are happening to places  - there is no answer but still upset as feel like i am never going to be able to go to his house again - its ridiculous
1.30pm - very very tired, want to sleep but I can't as fear jolts me as soon as my eyes close

2.00pm - take 1mg diazepam
3.00pm - strong panicky electric anxiety surges come on. Take 1.8mg vortioxetine
4.00pm - have epsom salt bath
5.00pm - deep breathing on bed, speak to mother in law on phone
6.00pm - see a photo of a shop I used to go to on my facebook and think of being there, gives me the most overwhelming feeling of dread, head tingles, stomach burns, feel nauseated
7.00pm - very upset by the strong reaction of the shop, feel like Im never going to be able to have a life again. Take 2mg diazepam, fall asleep
9.00pm - take 16mg sertraline
10.00pm - slept okay until maybe 3am, teeth clenching much less

 

@Altostrata still no change to the unbearable anxiety levels,  in fact they feel worse. I am also having this confusion/disorientation in the night and on waking which is a bit scary. The only positive is that the last 2 nights the teeth clenching has lessened. I feel so trapped, I am not sure if I will ever stabilise on this low dose of sertraline? I know the vortioxetine withdrawal may be making things worse. 

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Altostrata

Lessened teeth-clenching is an improvement. Please hang in there while you decrease vortioxetine. As the blood level of this drug decreases, it's changing the effect of the other drugs.

 

Are you ready to decrease vortioxetine to 1.7mg?

 

 

 

 

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Kernol

@Altostrata Sure I’m ready. Unfortunately teeth clenching was a bit more last night but I guess these things aren’t linear 

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Kernol

31/10

 

8.00am got up feel disorientated like I’m living in my past as so many memories hitting me 

9.00am feel depressed, take 2mg diazepam

10.00am do some work emails

11.00am still feeling Weight of depression heavy in my chest, I know it’s because I’m feeling like this is never going to end and I’m scared

12.00pm have smoothie 

1.00pm try and do some work 

2.00pm lots of strong anxiety over past memories that were neither happy nor sad 

take 1mg diazepam

3.00pm take 1.8mg vortioxetine

5.00pm have Epsom salt bath lay down, feel sick with anxiety over the rapid fire memories just of streets or places or people 

7.00pm take 2mg diazepam - sleep 

9.00pm take 16mg sertraline 

sleep in and out until 3am woken with teeth clenching, disorientation again don’t know what day it is or where I am 

4.00am in and out of dreams Teeth clenching and strong anxiety and depression until 6.00am

 

1/11

8.00am got up had shower again feeling of disorientation as so many past memories keep hitting me

9.00am take 2mg diazepam

10.00am do some housework feel very heavy with depression as well as anxious 

12.00pm cry when my husband comes home as I’m so scared with all these bizarre memory things getting more frequent and the anxiety seems to be even stronger when they come 
2.00pm take 1mg diazepam go to bed

3.00 take 1.7mg vortioxetine

4.30pm slept a bit but some teeth clenching And strange old dreams from years ago coming rapid fire. Also when I wake up the houses outside look like where my grandmother lives and I feel scared because it feels like I’m there

5.30pm try to read about random memories to make myself feel better that they do go away eventually. 
7.00pm take 2mg diazepam - sleep as I don’t want to be awake

9.00pm take 16mg sertraline 

10.30pm sleep until woken with teeth clenching at 3am and then strong anxiety and depression feelings in and out of half sleep random memories jolting me awake on fear until 6.00am 

 

@Altostrata seems to be an uptick in these random memories and disorientation feeling. Anxiety is worse and now I have a lot of depression. I am just trying to accept as best I can but it’s really hard. I feel like I am losing grip on reality and I’m terrified 

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