BlueLight: Improving from being numb emotionally

[BlueLight]

 

Four years ago, I came off 75mg of effexor. After about two weeks, I noticed that I was completely numb emotionally. I couldn't cry, feel pleasure, pain. Anything. I was in the void basically. 

 

About six months ago I started having a day or two per month where I would feel this emotional build up and then release, where I would cry for a day. Then followed by another month of nothing

 

Now, six months after that, almost four years in, I'm crying alot. I've been having very painful realizations. Along with healthy and positive realizations. 

 

These emotions have a way of painting my reality. They influence my perception, and also my thoughts. 

 

My mother is sick. Since finding out, I've been bombarded with painful realizations. Memories. Some good, some bad. Some regrets, shame. Sadness.

 

So things are slowly improving. Life is waking up to me again. It's not all rainbows and butterflies though. Life isn't as easy as some would like to portray or believe. Life can be amazing, and at the same time brutal. The best thing I can do is stay mindful, and find the healthiest perspective. Along with using my pain as a driving force, rather than something that breaks me

 

In a nutshell, life is pain showing us what we take for granted. These painful realizations have shown me reality. And it makes me appreciate the little things once again. Like how I remember when I was a kid

 

I came here at my worst several years ago. Things have changed drastically. But life is still as it has always been. And always will be. 

 

I've found that the good times make room for the bad. And the bad for the good. Without one, there wouldn't be the other. Life would be grey. I feel like alot of people in life have a false sense of reality, and search for Happiness. Without moments to appreciate the bad, along with the lessons they have to teach. 

 

Much love to everyone here. I'm right here with ya. Pushing through. Thank you to the surviving antidepressants team that helps run this website. You guys helped me when I was in a dark place. I don't know what I would have done without this website. Thanks 

 

Edited December 13, 2018 by ChessieCat
removed mod note

[ChessieCat]

Hi BlueLight and welcome back,

 

It's unfortunate that you are unable to recall your previous member name because it would have been helpful for members to see your previous history.

 

Please create your drug signature using the following format. 

 

Please make it nice and simple by following these instructions (NO diagnoses or symptoms please - thank you):

• details for last 2 years - dates, ALL drugs, doses
• summary for older than 2 years - just years and drug/s

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

 

It would be appreciated if you could also post additional information about how you got off your drug/s.

 

This is your own introductions topic where your can ask questions about your own situation and journal your progress.

[BlueLight]

Five years off Xanax

 

My symptoms are still pretty brutal. Exercise intolerance, difficulty walking, ringing ears, wierd feelings in legs.. 

 

 

Edited January 7, 2019 by ChessieCat
added topic title to post

[ChessieCat]

Hi BlueLight and welcome to SA,

 

Are you currently taking or previously taken any other drugs other than Xanax?

 

How is your sleep?

 

Please tell us how you stopped taking Xanax.

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen's Withdrawal Symptoms

 

 

To help us out please create your drug signature.  Keep it simple.  NO diagnoses or symptoms please - thank you.

• details for last 2 years - dates, ALL drugs, doses
• summary for older than 2 years - just years and drug/s

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

 

Here are some links to topics about symptoms you have mentioned in your post:

 

exercise-do-more-do-less-do-nothing-what-worked-for-you

 

tinnitus-what-does-all-that-noise-mean

 

ear-issues-blocked-pressure-tinnitus-congested-eustachian-tube-disfunction-etd

 

asthenia-weakness-muscle-fatigue-in-legs-arms-or-body

 

tension-pain-twitches-excruciating-spasms-in-muscles-and-joints

 

This is your own Introduction topic where you can ask questions about your own situation and journal your progress.

 

 

Edited January 7, 2019 by ChessieCat

[BlueLight]

My sleep is sporadic. Getting restful sleep every other day. Sometimes I'll go a few days without it. Sometimes I'll go weeks sleeping deeply feeling super drained

[ChessieCat]

I've merged the new topic you have just created with the other new topic you created at the end of last year.

 

SA works differently to many other forums.  Each member has only 1 Introduction topic.  This keeps your history in one place.  Please do not start another Introduction topic.  Thank you.

[ChessieCat]

Please create your drug signature.

[BlueLight]

This website has been a waste of my energy. Go ahead and delete my account

[ChessieCat]

I'm sorry that you feel you have wasted your energy.

 

 

[ChessieCat]

You might find these helpful:

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen's Withdrawal Symptoms

 

And healing isn't linear it happens in a Windows and Waves Pattern

 

When we take a psychiatric drug, we are adding chemical/s to the brain.  The brain then has to change to adapt to getting the chemical/s.  It might have to change something to do with A and then once that change has been made it affects B so another change has to be made and so on down the line.  It is a chain reaction, a domino effect.  That's why it's possible to experience such a vast array of withdrawal symptoms, and they can change, and be of different intensity.

 

The same thing happens when we take the drug away.  These explain it really well:

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

On 8/31/2011 at 5:28 AM, Rhiannon said:

When we stop taking the drug, we have a brain that has designed itself so that it works in the presence of the drug; now it can't work properly without the drug because it's designed itself so that the drug is part of its chemistry and structure. It's like a plant that has grown on a trellis; you can't just yank out the trellis and expect the plant to be okay. When the drug is removed, the remodeling process has to take place in reverse. SO--it's not a matter of just getting the drug out of your system and moving on. If it were that simple, none of us would be here. It's a matter of, as I describe it, having to grow a new brain. I believe this growing-a-new-brain happens throughout the taper process if the taper is slow enough. (If it's too fast, then there's not a lot of time for actually rebalancing things, and basically the brain is just pedaling fast trying to keep us alive.) It also continues to happen, probably for longer than the symptoms actually last, throughout the time of recovery after we are completely off the drug, which is why recovery takes so long.

 

AND

 

On 12/4/2015 at 2:41 AM, apace41 said:

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made.