Nobody: How did I go from functional to being on disability?

[Nobody]

How did I go from perfectly functional in high school, to being on disability at the age of 24?

 

Now I'm 26. Were medications the culprit? I was diagnosed with chronic schizophrenia, and it took over my brain, can 10 years of meds do that? So many people in the mental health field think meds are the answer, but there has to be an alternative. Never drove a car, had a fulltime job. Concentration is awful, can't follow more than 4-5 sentences spoken to me when my case manager talks to me, then I forget everything and I'm lost. I zone out all the time. Today I sat on the couch for 5 hours after getting an invega shot not moving, listening to music not even hearing lyrics. Then I laid on the floor and couldn't think. I'm too young for all this, not to mention I have cellulite cause I can't gain any muscle mass, but not overweight. How do I get off benzos and antipsychotics? Ive tried before without a doc but always fail since they dont agree with it. Never had a chance to be a productive member of society and I want to be, but people are afraid of me, and they think I have too many issues, or I'm afraid of them. 

 

Edited November 29, 2018 by ChessieCat
added full topic title to post

[ChessieCat]

Hi Nobody and welcome to SA,

 

I'm really sorry to read about your situation.

 

So that we can offer suggestions, we need you to create your drug signature.  Please include how you tried to go off previously.  Please follow the format below.

 

So that it is easy for us to see your history make it nice simple by following these instructions (NO diagnoses or symptoms please - thank you):

• details for last 2 years - dates, ALL drugs, doses
• summary for older than 2 years - just years and drug/s

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

This your own Introductions topic where you can ask questions about your own situation and journal your progress.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Nobody.

 

On 11/28/2018 at 9:52 PM, Nobody said:

Concentration is awful, can't follow more than 4-5 sentences spoken to me when my case manager talks to me, then I forget everything and I'm lost. I zone out all the time. Today I sat on the couch for 5 hours after getting an invega shot not moving, listening to music not even hearing lyrics. Then I laid on the floor and couldn't think.

 

The above are certainly side effects of the drugs. You need to talk to your doctor about reducing your dose of Invega, it's too strong for you.

 

What drugs are you taking now, what dosages, what times of day? Why are you taking Klonopin?

[Nobody]

Hi,

 

I'm taking the invega 156mg a month, and klonopin .5-1mg a night. But I've been sticking with .5mg. The reason I'm taking that is for panic attacks and slow down racing thoughts, plus all my life I've had vivid nightmares and right before I sought help for hearing voices in school, smelling imaginary things, and visual hallucinations that were daily and constant; I had extremely disturbing nightmares that were worse than ever. Then I went on abilify, and I was afraid to fall asleep because they were lucid and that med actually made me sleep so I couldn't wake up from the terror. Abilify never touched my hallucinations during the day, they were getting worse and it was right around Christmas when I went on psych meds. I woke up Christmas morning and couldn't tell if the gloves I got were blue or black. Then my above average ability to do mental math went away, and every thing seemed so much more difficult.

 

But anyways, it wasn't until 2014 when I started taking klonopin, my dreams were more of a movie, rather than living and controlling them to an extent until my brain would fire back and make them horrifying. Now being a movie, sometimes I still get nightmares but it's loopy and my senses aren't effected. There were times where I would hear voices and get unbearable anxiety where I would need the klonopin during the day, but that's rare anymore. My last big panic attack where I needed emergency help was August 2017, I thought my body was shutting down, couldn't taste anything, my toes went numb. Thought a shower would help then my whole body started shaking, and I couldn't see anything to even turn off the shower ran out cause I thought I was going to collapse and called 911. Some how I got dressed and answered the door for the ambulance. They walked in and took my vitals and said I was taking a panic attack and didn't leave until I was better. I had to sign papers, and I laid on the couch, took a klonopin, and watched tv. Even before psych meds, about 2 years before, the floor would sink in, in school while I was standing up, or at home I'd sit in front of the computer and I'd start falling into the floor while sitting at the desk, then I'd start screeming. This happened when I'd play solitaire card games. Also had hallucinations here and there all throughout my life. 

 

So I  know I have a mental illness, but the scary thing is that the intensity is getting worse and I totally get lost in my hallucinations. I was just wondering if there was any other option I can do to be able to at least drive, then work on getting a job. I feel like this invega is ruining me. Thursday night I was pretty coherent with my boyfriend and went to his family's house, a couple hours later I was getting paranoid thoughts, was playing dice, and every time I blinked or closed my eyes, I saw the dice. Then I stood up and was getting glimpses of faces, got something to eat to try to refocus my attention. The family followed me into the kitchen and I couldn't hear what they were saying, instead the devils face was completely clear right above the one family members body. Other experiences like this ever since starting the invega. Yesterday morning, I got lost in a memory and was talking, got up, acted it out, and ran right into the Christmas tree. Tuesday last week, my boyfriend wanted to see me doing something because I was lost in thought, and I ended up leaving reviews for local restaurants that weren't based in reality. I deleted them days later after realizing they were insane. 

 

I know this is a site to go off medications, so what's your suggestions? Can my hallucinations get better without medications? Is there a way to decrease my hallucinations this month while I'm on the injection?