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Dejavu: can anyone tell me what's going on?


Dejavu

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  • Moderator Emeritus

 

 

3 hours ago, BreathofAir said:

I have decided to hold off on updosing and will see how I get on this week.

Yay!!! Now you're getting the hang of it. Resisting the temptation to alter your dose every time you feel bad is half the battle, believe me. You are learning to trust the process. 

 

3 hours ago, BreathofAir said:

I was telling my husband that this situation is so much harder than antidepressant start-up, and I thought I felt terrible then.  

Oh, absolutely! Much, much harder. Hopefully, he will start to understand. Early on in my crash, I had to convince a few folks that this wasn't "all due to grief," or a "return of my depression." (I' m still trying to figure out how something you never had before ADs could "return.") I was even told by a particularly smug relative that "happiness is a choice." My God, why would anyone "choose" this? 

 

As you continue to hold your dose, your system will start to sort itself out. That's just the way it works. Once you get your first noticeable window, however brief, you will start to have faith that you're healing and a lot of the anxiety will fall away. Meanwhile, I will again recommend magnesium, either in supplement form or epsom salts baths. It has made a big difference in my cortisol spikes, sleep and anxiety. 

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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Hi again Dejavu, 

 

Thanks for this. You do make me laugh and lift my spirits. I’m cautious with magnesium because I’m on the benzos and they warned me it could “activate” me more because of this.  I will try the Epsom salt baths though. Blast those evil cortisol spikes - they’re so awful.  I was in so much pain last night. Good grief I could have levitated right off the bed! 

 

Can i ask an odd question - when you cried in the early stages did it feel almost like a panic attack, but without the hyperventilating? That’s what it feels like to me - that I bubble over and can’t control it.  My evening anxiety is also creeping up. Blast that as well. 

 

Hope you have a great day tomorrow. Sending you another Yorkshire hug for being so wonderful. 

Bless you. 

 

R xxxx

 

 

 

 

Pantoprazole 40mg 2016 to 2019 Mirtazapine 15mg May to Aug 2017 (Akathisia)

Seroquel and Abilify July 2017 (caused itching and SI) stopped immediately 

Lorazepam July 2017 to February 2018 (up to 3mg daily) tapered to 1mg by Feb ‘18

Escitalopram 20mg Aug 2017 to 18 April 2019 tapered over 13 months from Feb 2018 

Diazepam crossed over from Lorazepam 1mg to 10mg tapered to 1mg by June ‘18

Updosed back to 2mg bad crash June 2018 . Restarted taper Dec 2018 to present

April 2019 reached 0.15mg Diazepam and was holding. 

CRASH 24 April 2019  Severe suicidal feelings, anxiety, akathisia started suddenly.

Updosed Diazepam immediately to 0.5mg x 2, up again to 1mg x 2 on April 30th

Zopiclone 7.5mg 3rd May for 1 week RI Escitalopram at 2.5mg on 6th May, inc to 5mg 9th May then 10mg by mistake on 21st May, red to 7.5mg 27th May Updosed to 10mg per pysch team 5th July. Lorazepam fully switched to Diazepam 11mg 5th July 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

@BreathofAir, oh yes, the crying was hideous! Once I started I was unable to stop. Such intense feelings of hopeless despair. It scared the hell out of my husband, who didn't know how to "fix" it. I finally made him understand that I just needed him to hold and comfort me until the storm passed. And it did, Rachel. It did pass. That's the first important thing for you to know. The second is that it isn't "you" or a "return of your condition." It is withdrawal, nothing more and nothing less. And besides, crying releases endorphins, which is why we often feel better after a good cry. Don't be afraid of it. It will pass. I go days on end now without feeling the need to cry. But when I do feel like it, I just do it. And it doesn't feel so bleak and hopeless anymore. You will get there. Just hang on, sweetie. Healing is already happening.

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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Hi Dejavu, 

It was nice of you to write on my thread recently.  Thank you.  You seem to be doing well all things considered.  I'm happy to see that.  Thanks for being supportive of others here.  ~ Rosetta

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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@Rosetta, thanks so much. I am happy to see that you are turning corners, too!! You'll be writing a success story before you know it!!

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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Hi Dejavu, 

 

I’m so very sorry about all your losses, that must be heartbreaking. I wish I could take away your pain.

 

I was very happy to read though that your symptoms aren’t too bad at the moment. It’s nice to read your encouragement to others  as well. 

 

Sending you big hugs🤗

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

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Hi Dejavu!  What wonderful updates.  You are amazing.    Love, peace, healing, and growth,  mmt

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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@Carmie and @manymoretodays, thank you both so much for the encouragement. Carmie, I was happy to read on your thread that your latest cut is going fairly well. 

 

An update: I'm still in a bit of a wave, but it has been nowhere near as bad as the initial crash. Yesterday was probably my toughest day so far, and I spent most of the day lying down and relaxing. I got really depressed and had a little crying spell in the evening, but to be fair, I've just had yet another close death in the family and the funeral arrangements are still pending. I will be glad to get it over with. My heart is broken with all the losses that have piled up recently. I know death is a part of life, but I'm hoping that going forward, they will be spaced a little further apart. It's been an awful lot to deal with one right after another, all while going through withdrawal. 

 

One thing I've noticed is that laying low when I don't feel well is not always the best thing. I think I do better when I make myself get up, get dressed and do something productive.

 

Today I was a little stronger. I still have that swimmy headed feeling, odd vision and general increased anxiety. But I think most of the anxiety stems from the fear of crashing again. But it hasn't happened. The other issue is utter and total exhaustion, especially after I wake up. I sleep around 7-9 hours a night, but wake up feeling like I got hit by a truck! No coffee to help me out either. But at least not much morning anxiety, and no cortisol spikes.  Not perfect certainly, but I'll gladly take it.

 

All things considered, this wave is mostly tolerable. My baseline has definitely improved. And I'm talking myself back into a window. I can feel it. Hopefully I can start my taper soon. That would be great. But I'm prepared to hold as long as I need to. I know I'm not ready just yet.

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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Update - well, a bit of a struggle today. Vision is suddenly blurry again. Went out with family to a restaurant. It was loud, noisy and dark. I started to have some dizziness and a bit of visual distortion, which had been gone for a while...rats!! Not nearly as bad as when I crashed, though, so it's still progress. Nevertheless, I passed on socializing after the restaurant and came home to relax instead. We have a 2 day funeral to attend tomorrow and Monday. It will be stressful, so I'm trying to conserve energy before the fact. I am hoping that things will start to calm down in my personal life now, and that I am almost stable. I believe I am close - I can almost feel it.

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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Hi Dejavu, 

 

Just hoping that things went ok today for you. Have been thinking about you. Sending you hugs and blessings and hoping that things calm down for you and the path ahead clears. 

 

Sleep well and heal well. 

Best wishes, 

Rachel 

xxxxxx

🌺🌼🌺🌼🌺🌼🌺🌼🌺🌼🌺🌼🌺🌼🌺🌼🌺🌼🌺🌼🌺🌼🌺🌼🌺

Pantoprazole 40mg 2016 to 2019 Mirtazapine 15mg May to Aug 2017 (Akathisia)

Seroquel and Abilify July 2017 (caused itching and SI) stopped immediately 

Lorazepam July 2017 to February 2018 (up to 3mg daily) tapered to 1mg by Feb ‘18

Escitalopram 20mg Aug 2017 to 18 April 2019 tapered over 13 months from Feb 2018 

Diazepam crossed over from Lorazepam 1mg to 10mg tapered to 1mg by June ‘18

Updosed back to 2mg bad crash June 2018 . Restarted taper Dec 2018 to present

April 2019 reached 0.15mg Diazepam and was holding. 

CRASH 24 April 2019  Severe suicidal feelings, anxiety, akathisia started suddenly.

Updosed Diazepam immediately to 0.5mg x 2, up again to 1mg x 2 on April 30th

Zopiclone 7.5mg 3rd May for 1 week RI Escitalopram at 2.5mg on 6th May, inc to 5mg 9th May then 10mg by mistake on 21st May, red to 7.5mg 27th May Updosed to 10mg per pysch team 5th July. Lorazepam fully switched to Diazepam 11mg 5th July 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

 

 

Thanks  @BreathofAir. The funeral "festivities" are finally over. It was an old school, traditional event beginning with the entire family sitting vigil in hospice last week. Then, after his passing, picking up out of town relatives at the airport, then the viewing, the rosary, and a wake yesterday. Then today, funeral Mass, burial and another wake. The venues on both days were enormous, surreal, cathedral-type churches. A tad overwhelming for someone in withdrawal who is: 1. already experiencing DP, 2. deeply saddened and grieving, and 3. not a particularly religious sort to begin with. To pile on, his burial site is a family plot, so I had to, by necessity, visit my Mom's, Dad's, grandparents' and Sister's graves as well. I definitely could have done without that. Tonight, I am profoundly exhausted, my body aches all over, my eyes are dry, and my vision is blurry. But I made it through. This would have been beyond impossible - absolutely out of the question - for me just a few months ago. 

 

The last 2.5 years have been hell on earth - the death of a very close friend, a catastrophically ill mother, benzo crash and withdrawal, my sister's sudden death, my mother's agonizingly slow death (she suffered so badly!), both of my brothers having heart attacks and major surgeries two days apart, AD crash and withdrawal, the death of my abuser, and finally, the death of this wonderful man who was the patriarch of my family and was like a second father to me. (Gee, wonder why it's taking me so long to stabilize...😂.)

 

Nevertheless, I've survived. Tomorrow I will have a relaxing lunch with friends. I'm still here, life goes on, and I fully intend to kick withdrawal's a**!!

 

I hope you are seeing glimpses of improvement. That's how it seems to start - improvements so fleeting that you wonder if they really happened. Spoiler alert: they did, and they will last a bit longer next time, and next time, and next time. I know your nights are rough at the moment. Breathe through it; it's not forever. By the way, the insomnia and cortisol spikes were the first symptoms that improved for me, so take heart. Hug that baby girl tight. She is the reason you must persevere. And you will. Because you can. 

 

Sending healing energy to you for a calm and productive day!!

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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  • Moderator Emeritus
3 hours ago, Dejavu said:

The last 2.5 years have been hell on earth - the death of a very close friend, a catastrophically ill mother, benzo crash and withdrawal, my sister's sudden death, my mother's agonizingly slow death (she suffered so badly!), both of my brothers having heart attacks and major surgeries two days apart, AD crash and withdrawal, the death of my abuser, and finally, the death of this wonderful man who was the patriarch of my family and was like a second father to me. (Gee, wonder why it's taking me so long to stabilize...😂.)

 

Nevertheless, I've survived. Tomorrow I will have a relaxing lunch with friends. I'm still here, life goes on, and I fully intend to kick withdrawal's a**!!

 

Wow, that's unbelievable, I'm speechless.  You deserve something like a medal for surviving all of those stressful events.  And still have such a positive attitude.

2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg

2021   29 Aug 2.4mg   15 Nov 2.3mg

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Dear Dejavu, 

 

I am glad you got through it, but it must have taken tremendous strength and effort.  Please look after yourself. You are doing so very well. You are always in my thought and prayers.  Yes, I am seeing improvement, just keeping on moving and taking my lead from you!  

 

Bless you. Sending big hugs and best wishes. 

Sleep well and heal well. 

R xxxxxxxxxc

🌼🌺🌼🌺🌼🌺🌼🌺🌼🌺🌼🌺🌼🌺🌼

🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

Pantoprazole 40mg 2016 to 2019 Mirtazapine 15mg May to Aug 2017 (Akathisia)

Seroquel and Abilify July 2017 (caused itching and SI) stopped immediately 

Lorazepam July 2017 to February 2018 (up to 3mg daily) tapered to 1mg by Feb ‘18

Escitalopram 20mg Aug 2017 to 18 April 2019 tapered over 13 months from Feb 2018 

Diazepam crossed over from Lorazepam 1mg to 10mg tapered to 1mg by June ‘18

Updosed back to 2mg bad crash June 2018 . Restarted taper Dec 2018 to present

April 2019 reached 0.15mg Diazepam and was holding. 

CRASH 24 April 2019  Severe suicidal feelings, anxiety, akathisia started suddenly.

Updosed Diazepam immediately to 0.5mg x 2, up again to 1mg x 2 on April 30th

Zopiclone 7.5mg 3rd May for 1 week RI Escitalopram at 2.5mg on 6th May, inc to 5mg 9th May then 10mg by mistake on 21st May, red to 7.5mg 27th May Updosed to 10mg per pysch team 5th July. Lorazepam fully switched to Diazepam 11mg 5th July 

 

 

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Hi Dejavu, 

 

I’m really, really sorry for all your losses. You really have gone through a lot.

 

The sadness and stresses we go through can certainly make it hard to stabilise, but I’m glad to read you can see improvements. Did you have a relaxing lunch with your friends? Did you go to their place or a restaurant? I love just chilling with friends, I’ve done that in the midst of waves too. I wasn’t myself, but they take me as I come. 

 

Take care, sending you hugs🤗

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

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@BreathofAir and @Carmie, thanks for checking in on me.  Yes, I'm kind of spent right now. I'm just taking it easy, getting sun, taking lots of breaks from work, meditating and watching some bad TV. 

 

I had a lovely relaxing lunch with my friends. As we were getting ready to leave, my brothers called and invited me to join them for happy hour, and that was nice too. I sure wish I could take a drink - their beer looked so refreshing and it was so hot outside! I've had two drinks since crashing. It didn't seem to negatively affect me either time, but it's probably not worth the risk, so I sipped my lemonade like a good girl. 😇

 

The wave continues, but I'm not letting it stop me. Symptoms come and go - tremors, aching muscles, skin breakouts, blurry vision, dry eyes and a little dizziness. I had a bit of jaw clenching two days ago, but it only lasted an hour or two. I also had a burning mouth and full bladder sensation (they always occur together) for a day and itching skin, which only occurs at night - how weird is that? - which comes and goes. Had a headache last night, which almost never happens. But none of it is very intense, and the best news is NO anxiety, depression, DP, muscle jerks or insomnia. 

 

I had an appointment with my eye doctor today. My corneal abrasions are healing very well, but my eyes are still very dry. I sensed she would be understanding, so I was honest with her about withdrawal. As I'd hoped, she was completely on board and agreed that withdrawal was likely responsible for my blurry vision and dry eyes. She doesn't want to make any RX changes until I stabilize, to which I agree. We will recheck in 3 months. She did clear me to begin wearing my contacts occasionally, but still doesn't want me in them daily yet. But being able to wear them sometimes, coupled with the fact that my hair has stopped falling at such an alarming rate and has even started growing back, makes me feel a little more like "me" again. And that helps.

 

I've definitely reached the point where distraction and acceptance are possible most of the time. Can full stabilization be much farther behind? I'm ready to get this taper under way, and it's frustrating to know that it's not yet time. 

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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I get so frustrated sometimes! I'm so ready to get my taper underway, but I know I'm not stable enough yet. Every day that I wake up still in this wave, I am so despondent and feel like I'm just stagnating. So, for my own future edification, I'm leaving this list of things I've been able to do in the past 3 months that there's no possible way I could have done right after I crashed. In no particular order:

 

Sleep through the night regularly

Take a shower without fear

Spend time with my grandkids

Clean out my garage

Do housework

Handle stress/conflict without melting down

Resume work

Attend band rehearsals

Write music again

Go to restaurants

Attend a wedding, a funeral & a family reunion

Go grocery shopping

See friends and family

Drive in traffic and at night

Feel love and humor

Participate on social media

 

I am so grateful to get a second chance to do these things again. If this odd, painful journey has taught me anything, it is never to take seemingly mundane things for granted again. I feel as though I was just skimming through life before my crash. I was almost never in the moment. I am so mindful now - appreciating things great and small. I'm not actually ready to call withdrawal a "blessing in disguise" quite yet (it sure as heck doesn't feel like a blessing, does it?), but I can at least see a silver lining in the clouds. I'm going to go ahead and take it!

 

I hope everyone has a peaceful and restful night. Sending healing energy to all who are struggling right now. 

 

 

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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What a great post Dejavu, 

 

I’m so glad you can see the silver lining and all the things you’ve managed to do in the last three months that you weren’t able to do before. Good for you!

 

Yes, I know it can be frustrating when you want to taper and see the numbers go down but the waves seem to go on forever. Been there many a time. This is such a slow process, but we can’t speed it up so we might as well accept that and just live each day the best we can. Again, I’m very happy to read that you’re focusing on the positives in life. We will have those days where nothing seems positive, but when we really look around there are still many things to be positive for.

 

I’m glad to hear that your eyes are healing nicely too. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

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Thank you dear @Carmie!! Everything I know about positivity in withdrawal, I learned from you. You've truly been an inspiration to me and everyone else. Are you feeling any better today? I sure hope so. You're such a giver  and you deserve the very best.

 

Sending healing energy your way tonight!!🌺

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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Try not to get too focused on tapering as it will only create more frustration.

 

Personally I would wait until you have achieved stability and maintained that for a good few months before tapering. At the moment your still getting waves so your not stable yet. I was hoping that stability was around the corner for myself but been hit with another wave so clearly still away to go. I was symptom and side affect free before starting my original taper so that’s where I think I need to get to before I start and it will take however long it takes. 

 

Remember even when you get to stability your cns is still very very sensitive and is just settling down so you need to look after it.

 

Take care and hope that wave is coming to an end for you!

20mg Lexapro 2007

10mg Lexapro 2012

Started tapering approx (October 2017) 12 months ago  from 10mg to 9mg then 8 then 7 then 6 then 5 then 4 then 3.

Held for approx 4 to 6 weeks min on each reduction.

Hit severe symptoms (started 7th Nov) after dropping to 3mg. Dropped to 3mg approx 22nd October.

Back to 4mg (7th November) and stabilising. Current symptoms started 23rd November 2018

Used diazepam (2018) 10mg 10th Nov, 5mg 11th Nov, 2.5mg 12 Nov, 2mg 13th Nov.

Used diazepam 10mg 24th Nov, 7.5 25th Nov and 5mg 26th November 2018

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@Tom37, you must be psychic! I was just reading your latest post. So sorry to see you caught up in another wave. I hope it's the last one, and is very short-lived.

 

Thanks for the reminder about patience. It's never been one of my virtues. I really really really want to start tapering, but I know it's not time yet. Today is a good day for me. Not totally symptom free, but close to it, which makes holding even harder. I'm trying to look at it as an investment in my future healing.

 

Hoping tomorrow is a better day for you. Sending healing energy your way today. You've got this!

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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Haha!.....Thanks....like you I struggle with patience so this has been so difficult as there is no end date to aim for. 

 

Whenever i I think of tapering I think of how I was in the first few months and how I can’t go back to that and while they are not good memories they do the trick.

 

You will get there and it will probably take a longer that we want but it does happen.

20mg Lexapro 2007

10mg Lexapro 2012

Started tapering approx (October 2017) 12 months ago  from 10mg to 9mg then 8 then 7 then 6 then 5 then 4 then 3.

Held for approx 4 to 6 weeks min on each reduction.

Hit severe symptoms (started 7th Nov) after dropping to 3mg. Dropped to 3mg approx 22nd October.

Back to 4mg (7th November) and stabilising. Current symptoms started 23rd November 2018

Used diazepam (2018) 10mg 10th Nov, 5mg 11th Nov, 2.5mg 12 Nov, 2mg 13th Nov.

Used diazepam 10mg 24th Nov, 7.5 25th Nov and 5mg 26th November 2018

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  Update:

 

A couple of pretty good days. Helped hubby clean out our off-site storage unit and haul stuff to the landfill. Lifting and heaving heavy boxes in the summer heat, but it felt good to be active and productive. Symptoms were pretty close to zero. We finished the last bit of it this morning. Then early this evening, I noticed a slight skewing in my vision and some tingling in my feet, which in turn, raised my anxiety a bit. I think its a combination of the strenuous activity of the weekend and the fact that I didn't get as much sleep last night as I normally do. Not due to insomnia, though. A good friend of mine called me at 11pm; he is grieving his late wife (who was also a good friend of mine). He was having a tough night and he really needed to talk it out. He has been wonderful support to me and my hubby through all our recent losses and my withdrawal issues, so I was more than happy to reciprocate. Two hours later, we finally hung up, and two hours after that, I was finally able to quiet my mind and drift off. I've always been a night owl, but while I'm awaiting stabilization, I normally try to get as many hours as possible. But that was not the case last night.

 

Guess my body is trying to tell me its had enough for now, so I'm headed off to bed. On the docket tomorrow: a cup of chamomile lavender tea and a nice easy day working from home. 

 

Goodnight fellow warriors. May everyone sleep well, have pleasant dreams, and peaceful awakenings. 

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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I know the feeling of symptoms popping through when having a good day as if just to remind you that this isn’t over yet!

 

Taking it easy sounds like a good plan. Even though you are feeling better we still need to be careful during windows not to push too hard otherwise we may set ourselves back. Guess we have to walk before we can run and all that.

 

Nothing like giving something back to someone you care about.

 

Thanks for your post on mine.....we started at similar times and while different stories great to see good progress being made with you.

20mg Lexapro 2007

10mg Lexapro 2012

Started tapering approx (October 2017) 12 months ago  from 10mg to 9mg then 8 then 7 then 6 then 5 then 4 then 3.

Held for approx 4 to 6 weeks min on each reduction.

Hit severe symptoms (started 7th Nov) after dropping to 3mg. Dropped to 3mg approx 22nd October.

Back to 4mg (7th November) and stabilising. Current symptoms started 23rd November 2018

Used diazepam (2018) 10mg 10th Nov, 5mg 11th Nov, 2.5mg 12 Nov, 2mg 13th Nov.

Used diazepam 10mg 24th Nov, 7.5 25th Nov and 5mg 26th November 2018

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Hi Deja, just popping in to give you a spontaneous hug 🤗  Hope things are well

Clonazapam:  01/2015 - 03/2015 2mg; 03/2015 Cold Turkey

Lexapro:  07/2007 - 08/2018 10-20mg; 08/2018 - 10/2018 Tapered to 0mg; 10/11/2018 Reinstated 7 days taper up to 20mg (took 3mg xanax/day first 3 days of reinstatement); 17/11/2018 20mg; 2/12/2018: 15mg; 3/12/2018 10mg; 5/12/2018 Developed violent spasms, back to 15mg;

6/1/2019 13.5mg; 27/3/2019 13mg; 2/4/2019 12.5mg; 11/4/2019 10mg; 25/5/2019 9mg; 8/7/2019; 8.75mg; 15/7/2019 8.5mg; 22/7/2019 8.25mg; 5month taper of 10%/month to 5mg on 12/2019;

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I could really use some support right now. I'm having some depression and anxiety tonight. I'm sure its just battle fatigue, but I'm finding this rapid cycling from window to wave to be utterly exhausting. To have a nice window suddenly snatched away feels very cruel sometimes. All I want is to start my taper, but every time I feel close to stabilizing, that hope is taken away. I want my life back. 

 

This evening has brought a return of depression and bladder pain/PGAD, which had been gone for months. This is particularly disappointing and distressful. I also read a post that was highly triggering to me, and I am now feeling anxiety about these symptoms, and fear of them being permanent. This is certainly not rational - I know that intellectually, but it feels very very real tonight. 

 

I really thought I had turned a corner, and indeed, my overall baseline is much improved. My biggest fear is that I'll regress to the condition I was in when I first crashed and RI'd. Not sure I could survive that a second time.

 

It's just such a letdown to be back here. My previous waves have been mostly physical, and my overall state of mind has been very good, but I'm feeling so low and fearful tonight. This hasn't happened in quite a while. 

 

Anybody up for a little pep talk? Thanks!

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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Hi Dejavu, 

 

I’m so sorry  you’re struggling. It can be disheartening when some old symptoms come back. Windows and waves are just the way things go, I’m in the same boat.🚣‍♀️ I woke up in a window today, but I’ve pretty much been in a wave since then. I’m just distracting myself as usual. I’ve got that down to a fine art.😁

 

I can see you know that some of your thoughts aren’t rational, but I’ve been there too, I think everyone on this site has. When we are in the midst of massive waves we feel we will be like this forever. When we are in windows we can see light at the end of the tunnel. You said you had a couple of good days recently, your brain is healing, it will get there eventually. Someone on here didn’t have a window in four years, and now they’ve had their third window in two months, so our brains do heal no matter how severe the symptoms are. 

 

Every time I go through the big waves I always think of the fact that the windows always come again, and they do. I’ve had old symptoms come back and go again too, like you. Just because you get old symptoms back doesn’t mean they will last a long time. One of the physical symptoms that keeps coming and going for me are earaches, also a lot of pressure in my head. I don’t have those symptoms at the moment. 

 

On 6/30/2019 at 11:57 AM, Dejavu said:

Thank you dear @Carmie!! Everything I know about positivity in withdrawal, I learned from you. You've truly been an inspiration to me and everyone else. Are you feeling any better today? I sure hope so. You're such a giver  and you deserve the very best.

 

Sending healing energy your way tonight!!🌺

 

Thanks for your kind words here, I really appreciate it. I do try and stay as positive as I can, I don’t always succeed though.😂

 

No, I’m not feeling any better today, I’m in bed and I’ve been doing a little bit of reading and watching YouTube videos. Just had a yummy salad so my tummy is happy. I’m in fairly good spirits. I hope I end up with a tiny bit of strength by next week as a friend wants to take me to Australia Zoo. I loooooove Australia Zoo!🦘🐅🐊🐍🦜🦒🐘🦏🐢💚

 

Sending hugs🤗

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

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Thank you @Carmie, for propping me up. I try very hard to stay positive. This last window was my 3rd since November of last year. I think the more I get, the more confident I will become that they will always return. The depression came on so suddenly that I was shocked and surprised, but it has already started to subside. Nevertheless, I should know better by now than to be surprised by anything withdrawal-related...lol!!

 

Glad for your morning, but so sorry for the rest of your day. Hoping you get to the zoo next week. I love the zoo too, although it makes me sad sometimes to see all those beautiful creatures in captivity. 

 

Thank you again for talking me off the ledge. Sending you healing energy tonight!! 💗

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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3 minutes ago, Dejavu said:

Thank you @Carmie, for propping me up. I try very hard to stay positive. This last window was my 3rd since November of last year. I think the more I get, the more confident I will become that they will always return. The depression came on so suddenly that I was shocked and surprised, but it has already started to subside. Nevertheless, I should know better by now than to be surprised by anything withdrawal-related...lol!!

 

Glad for your morning, but so sorry for the rest of your day. Hoping you get to the zoo next week. I love the zoo too, although it makes me sad sometimes to see all those beautiful creatures in captivity. 

 

Thank you again for talking me off the ledge. Sending you healing energy tonight!! 💗

 

Glad to hear the depression is starting to subside Dejavu, 

 

You would love Australia Zoo, the animals aren’t in cramped little quarters, they’ve got tonnes of room. The zoo is all about conservation and taking care of animals. They have an animal hospital too where they help injured wildlife. It’s a lovely place!

 

Again, I’m glad your spirits have lifted a bit.💚

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

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Hey Dejavu,

 

In exactly the same boat right at this moment and for me it’s the increase in physical symptoms that I thought were gone plus a few others that have made an appearance for the first time when I thought all new symptoms where gone. Add in some ridiculous thoughts and it’s not a great place to be. Then add in the realisation that stabilising feels like a distant dream and it really gets you down.

 

Try to look at the positive in that your body is still busy sorting things out which means in time you will feel even better than you have been. How awesome is that going to be!.....sit tight and know that this too shall pass....just like it has every other time....time for me to go and believe my own advice!....waves - definitely the cruelest thing I’ve ever experienced.

 

 

20mg Lexapro 2007

10mg Lexapro 2012

Started tapering approx (October 2017) 12 months ago  from 10mg to 9mg then 8 then 7 then 6 then 5 then 4 then 3.

Held for approx 4 to 6 weeks min on each reduction.

Hit severe symptoms (started 7th Nov) after dropping to 3mg. Dropped to 3mg approx 22nd October.

Back to 4mg (7th November) and stabilising. Current symptoms started 23rd November 2018

Used diazepam (2018) 10mg 10th Nov, 5mg 11th Nov, 2.5mg 12 Nov, 2mg 13th Nov.

Used diazepam 10mg 24th Nov, 7.5 25th Nov and 5mg 26th November 2018

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  • Moderator Emeritus

@Tom37, looks like we posted on each others' threads at the same time! Great minds think alike, eh?

16 minutes ago, Tom37 said:

Then add in the realisation that stabilising feels like a distant dream and it really gets you down.

Yes, this. Soooo very much this!!!

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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Not sure about me being a great mind but definitely two people along with everyone else suffering through this who deserve a lifetime of good health afterwards!

 

Hopefully I can get some sleep tonight if this stupid nervous system let’s me and hopefully you wake to your pgad gone.

20mg Lexapro 2007

10mg Lexapro 2012

Started tapering approx (October 2017) 12 months ago  from 10mg to 9mg then 8 then 7 then 6 then 5 then 4 then 3.

Held for approx 4 to 6 weeks min on each reduction.

Hit severe symptoms (started 7th Nov) after dropping to 3mg. Dropped to 3mg approx 22nd October.

Back to 4mg (7th November) and stabilising. Current symptoms started 23rd November 2018

Used diazepam (2018) 10mg 10th Nov, 5mg 11th Nov, 2.5mg 12 Nov, 2mg 13th Nov.

Used diazepam 10mg 24th Nov, 7.5 25th Nov and 5mg 26th November 2018

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Hey Dejavu,

 

Sorry to hear your still suffering today with this wave. I can’t even imagine what pgad must be like to live with but the main thing is that it went before so it will go again. I read on a recovery thread that once one of their symptoms showed a weakness it was only a matter of time before it went away for good and that was true in all their symptoms. So your pgad has shown it’s weakness in going the first time so it will be going for good soon.

 

Im lucky that I don’t deal with depression or crying spells anymore🤞 but have been there don’t worry about that. Nothing like bursting into tears in the office over nothing. My current emotional issue im dealing with this wave is fear. Over the weirdest most pointless things so i definitely know it’s wd and not me. As I write this the fear decides to rear it’s ugly head☹️. Crazy thing is out of a wave I have zero fear about anything, I’m almost fearless.

 

I guess the only positive of these waves this far out is it’s stopping us from tapering too soon. Just imagine how you would be feeling if you had started. Tapering while being unstable only means one thing and it’s not pretty.

 

Hope you feel better soon and just remember it’s all part of the recovery process as means our bodies are still not happy and unfortunately they couldn’t careless about how uncomfortable they make us feel.

 

I must make a note to read the above in the morning if I have another horrible night again!

20mg Lexapro 2007

10mg Lexapro 2012

Started tapering approx (October 2017) 12 months ago  from 10mg to 9mg then 8 then 7 then 6 then 5 then 4 then 3.

Held for approx 4 to 6 weeks min on each reduction.

Hit severe symptoms (started 7th Nov) after dropping to 3mg. Dropped to 3mg approx 22nd October.

Back to 4mg (7th November) and stabilising. Current symptoms started 23rd November 2018

Used diazepam (2018) 10mg 10th Nov, 5mg 11th Nov, 2.5mg 12 Nov, 2mg 13th Nov.

Used diazepam 10mg 24th Nov, 7.5 25th Nov and 5mg 26th November 2018

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  • Moderator Emeritus

@Tom37, I'm not sure it actually is PGAD. Its more like a constant feeling of full/overactive bladder. Whatever it's called, it sucks.

 

I hear you about the fear during waves, and the fearlessness during windows. It's like I'm two different people. It's really mind-boggling.

 

This is a particularly nasty wave, and what scares and disappoints me is the return of symptoms I haven't had in months. I'm afraid of descending back into non-functionality. I have no doubt you feel the same way.

 

Do any of the guided sleep meditation audios on YouTube help you much? My tried and true sleep formula these days is 1mg melatonin, 300 mgs magnesium and a Lauren Orstrowski sleep meditation. I have yet to stay away to the end of any of them. Her voice is hypnotic. My fave is the Progressive Muscle Relaxation. Maybe that would help. At any rate, please don't fret. Your body will eventually exhaust itself to the point that you will sleep. 

 

I am praying for you to get some sleep tonight. And that we both pass this wave very soon!

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

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Glad it’s not pgad in the traditional sense. But I’m sure it’s still very uncomfortable.

 

Yip becoming non functional is definitely the worst outcome and one that scares me the most when like I am. I had kind off gotten to the point of not thinking like that as was continually getting slowly better and was able to work through all my previous waves but this one is another level. I’m fortunate that if I stop working that financially will be ok but that’s not the point. 

 

Pre wd I was bit of a fussy sleeper but now even worse so any type of music just keeps me up although sometimes fall asleep with tv on but not in waves☹️

 

My partner is not concerned at all and thinks it’s just another wave and I’ll get through it like all the others and the insomnia is just part of the wave so that will resolve too. I wish I had her confidence!....it is good to have someone viewing the situation logically from outside compared to our neuro compromised selves!

 

You got through everything until now and you’ll get through this. Just have to back to wd mode and do what is needed to get through it. Just remember that’s it’s all just temporary.

20mg Lexapro 2007

10mg Lexapro 2012

Started tapering approx (October 2017) 12 months ago  from 10mg to 9mg then 8 then 7 then 6 then 5 then 4 then 3.

Held for approx 4 to 6 weeks min on each reduction.

Hit severe symptoms (started 7th Nov) after dropping to 3mg. Dropped to 3mg approx 22nd October.

Back to 4mg (7th November) and stabilising. Current symptoms started 23rd November 2018

Used diazepam (2018) 10mg 10th Nov, 5mg 11th Nov, 2.5mg 12 Nov, 2mg 13th Nov.

Used diazepam 10mg 24th Nov, 7.5 25th Nov and 5mg 26th November 2018

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Update for my edification:

Okay, Day 4 of this wave. Sleep issues last night - perhaps due to the 3 hour nap yesterday afternoon - caused me to awaken after about 1.5 hrs of sleep. Doubling down on melatonin helped, but caused nightmares. All in all, I got about 7 hours with 3 awakenings. Not great, but not horrible either. Symptoms which were intense last night, but a little less so today are: full bladder sensation; and twitching and throbbing of extremities. The tingling and itchy  skin sensations continue, however. The crushing fatigue I feel upon awakening when in a wave resolved more quickly than usual this morning, so there's that. I also don't feel the inexplicable need to cry as I did yesterday.

 

Perhaps slightly improved overall today. Hope this wave is short-lived. I really want to get back to my newly-reacquired life.

2016 - Zoloft 50 mg for klonopin w/d

Approx. Nov 2017 - successful taper of klonopin; Approx. Jan. 2018 - rapid taper Zoloft over 2 wks - no w/d symptoms; May 2018 - Reinstate 50 mg Zoloft per doctor; Aug 2018 - Rapid taper Zoloft over 3-4 weeks - no w/d symptoms for 1 mo.; Late Oct 2018 - pdoc rx'd 5mg lexapro -took for 1 wk; Early Nov 2018 - Reinstate 25 mg Zoloft; updose to 37.5 on Nov 28, 2018; Nov 30 2018 - returned to 25mg Zoloft upon mod. advice; Dec 9 - Dec10 2018 - 12.5mg zoloft liquid+12.5mg zoloft pill; Dec 11 2018 - 25mg zoloft all liquid; Feb 14 2019 - updosed to 26.25 mg liquid; Mar 6 2019 - updosed to 26.88 mg liquid - new symptoms; Mar 13 2019 - back down to 26.25 mg per mod suggestion

Dose Changes: Dec 2 2019 - 5% to 25mg; Jan 14 2020 - 10% to 22.5 (increase in sxs all month); Mar 10-15? 2020,  accidental updose to 25mg; Mar 22 2020 - back down to 22.5mg; Apr 12 2020 - 2.5% to 21.94mg; Apr 19 2020 - 2.5% to 21.375mg (symptom increase); May 17 2020 - 2.5% to 20.625mg; May 24 2020 - 2.5% to 20.1mg - Jun 14 2020 - noticed uptick in symptoms settled 2 days later - July 10 2020 - onset of wave

Link to comment

Hey,

 

Sounds like you may be slowly coming out of the wave. Better watch those naps though especially 3 hour ones!

 

Try not to be concerned if it’s a false dawn on it ending though because it will end as all waves do. At least you should be having a better day emotionally which will help deal with the symptoms easier.

 

20mg Lexapro 2007

10mg Lexapro 2012

Started tapering approx (October 2017) 12 months ago  from 10mg to 9mg then 8 then 7 then 6 then 5 then 4 then 3.

Held for approx 4 to 6 weeks min on each reduction.

Hit severe symptoms (started 7th Nov) after dropping to 3mg. Dropped to 3mg approx 22nd October.

Back to 4mg (7th November) and stabilising. Current symptoms started 23rd November 2018

Used diazepam (2018) 10mg 10th Nov, 5mg 11th Nov, 2.5mg 12 Nov, 2mg 13th Nov.

Used diazepam 10mg 24th Nov, 7.5 25th Nov and 5mg 26th November 2018

Link to comment

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