Dylanmatthew: Lexapro withdrawal. I'm going through a very tough time and I'm very afraid

[Dylanmatthew]

I stopped taking the vitamins, especially vit d3 because I read on here it can be activating, I assume that means it cause worsen anxiety. I should take them though since it's winter.

[Dylanmatthew]

Work was fine until lunch. The lunch rush freaked me out. My anxiety was overwhelming. Even in my cubicle I felt claustrophobic and trapped. It was quiet down there too. I decided to go spend the rest of the work day with our counselor. I felt better... 

 

Im very worried about so much in my life. It's never been this bad. I am so exhausted of being anxious. I hate the feeling so much. I feel like I'm losing control. Dread washes over me. My heart thumps faster and heavier, I feel the wave of adrenaline go over me. Why is this happening. Is this because of withdrawal, the awful weather, the boring work environment? I'm so unhappy. Would taking another SSRI relieve me of this hell or just cause more trouble? 

I thank God I'm not experiencing as bad of symptoms as the previous weeks. Anxiety is what's my main symptom. Accompanied by its friend, fatigue. 

 

Hope everyone had a great day today. It hasn't stopped raining for me. Not once. 

[eymen23]

Stay strong Dylan, you’re doing well! It doesn’t always feel like it, but you have to try and take pride in any small victory. Even being able to go into work deserves a pat on the back! 

 

Unfortunately, we don’t always have the answers immediately available to us. We just have to take the best guidance we can from those who have knowledge and try things. Listen to the experienced members and mods here and stay patient. 

 

When you are experiencing very negative emotions like fear and sadness most of the time, it’s easy to get obsessed with how to get rid of them. Just remember, they always pass eventually! ALWAYS! Try your best to accept and one way or another, they will pass. 

[Dylanmatthew]

Thank you for the reply, eymen. I'm not a patient person. I still don't understand what's wrong with me and it's frustrating. 

I do take the advice I get here to heart. 

 

I wonder, can the top two molars on each side of my mouth ache from WD? It's odd. Anyways... 

 

Im trying to stay positive. I'm not craving a benzo but I sure would like to take a 0.5mg clonazepam right now to take the edge off. I haven't had one since Dec 2nd at 3am. I never took them regularly, though. 

 

Im trying to accept that the anxiety I feel will pass. The odd tension headaches I am getting along with top molar pain is disappointing. I'm so tired but at least I have been get 7 hours of sleep the past few nights. Hope I didn't jinx myself, ha. 

Eymen, thanks for being here for me. I have theory. What if a lot of my anxiety is caused by the addiction to my phone and the internet. All day at work I'm browsing the net, then I browse my phone at home. That can't be good for me

[ChessieCat]

21 minutes ago, Dylanmatthew said:

Would taking another SSRI relieve me of this hell or just cause more trouble? 

 

Most probably the latter.  Your reinstatement is working.  Stop looking for a quick fix.

 

REMEMBER:  It has only been 5 or 6 days since you reinstated.

 

TIME:  You need to wait it out.  Things will improve but slowly.

 

PATIENCE:  Take one day at a time.

 

NON DRUG TECHNIQUES:  You need to learn and use non drug ways to get through the discomfort.

 

KEEP NOTES:  That way you can be objective about the improvements.  Because there are times when we can always feel horrible we don't always notice the improvements because they might only be small.  Being able to look back on how things have slowly become better can help.  Even read back through what you have written since you reinstated.  You have improved.

 

MAGNESIUM:  You could try some Magnesium .  I have found that it takes the edge off my anxiety.  And you can introduce it now because it is a few days since you reinstated.  Keep it Simple, Slow and Stable

 

29 minutes ago, Dylanmatthew said:

Work was fine until lunch. The lunch rush freaked me out. My anxiety was overwhelming. Even in my cubicle I felt claustrophobic and trapped.

 

This reaction is not unusual when the CNS is busy trying to regain homeostasis.  You are experiencing what is called hyper vigilance, or being on high alert.  You need to learn about it and work out what things trigger the anxiety so that you can find work arounds.  For example, take your lunch to work so you don't have to line up in a queue.

 

1 minute ago, Dylanmatthew said:

I wonder, can the top two molars on each side of my mouth ache from WD? It's odd. Anyways... 

 

You might be grinding your teeth.  Another thing which isn't unusual.

[Dylanmatthew]

Hello, Chessie. Hope you're having a fine Friday. It's still Thursday for me, sadly. 

I apologize for making you repeat yourself. I sometimes just like to write down my thoughts on here, it helps me. I'm using the non-drug techniques. They are helpful. I admit I have been taught to use a quick fix. I blame society. Ha. I mean, that's why I was put on drugs. Quick fix. 

 

I will try magnesium and then omega 3. 

 

6 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

This reaction is not unusual when the CNS is busy trying to regain homeostasis.  You are experiencing what is called hyper vigilance, or being on high alert.  You need to learn about it and work out what things trigger the anxiety so that you can find work arounds.  For example, take your lunch to work so you don't have to line up in a queue.

This makes a lot of sense to me. I'd like to leant more about this hyper vigilance. I feel like I get so easily anxious and over stimulated. I work in a government building with a few thousand people. I didn't bring lunch so I wanted a hot lunch upstairs. Right when I got in line there was a lot going on. People. Smells. Lights. Movements. I started to lose it. I finally paid and forgot a fork. Had to go back and then the panic attack hit until I got to my cubicle. I haven't felt completely calm and relaxed since and that was 8 hours ago. (it's 7pm now). 

 

I'll start writing down more detailed notes. Thanks chessie. 

[ChessieCat]

1 hour ago, Dylanmatthew said:

I sometimes just like to write down my thoughts on here, it helps me.

 

That's what your Intro topic is for, journalling your progress.

 

What might be a good idea is if you split up your post so we know what are your thoughts and what are things you need help with.  That way we will know what needs a response.  Type the thing/s you need help with at the top and then type JOURNAL and then type below that.

 

Sensitivity to light, sound etc

[ChessieCat]

19 minutes ago, Dylanmatthew said:

At least your doctor doesn't try to make you feel stupid. I wouldn't even try to convince any doctor, especially a PCP about SSRI WD. They won't listen. 

 

 

How do you talk to a doctor about tapering and withdrawal?

What should I expect from my doctor about withdrawal symptoms?

[Dylanmatthew]

Is 5,000 IU vit D daily too much?

[ChessieCat]

Is that what you were taking before?

[ChessieCat]

There are many existing topics on this site.  You can either use the site search or use google and include survivingantidepressants.org in the search term, eg:  survivingantidepressants.org vitamin d

 

vitamin-d3-cholecalciferol-or-calcitriol

[Dylanmatthew]

Thanks. I haven't been taking it everyday. A few times earlier this week I got out in the sun around 1pm but idk if I absorbed vit d. I was bit d deficient last February. I need to get my blood tested. I'm worried I'm deficient and that's why I have no energy and I could be getting cancer for low vit d 

[ChessieCat]

From this website:

 

Some studies have suggested a link between low vitamin D levels and cancer risk and progression, but others have not.

[Dylanmatthew]

You're so helpful, chessie. I am really exhausted with how on edge and anxious I feel most of the time lately. When I'm home alone it's not so bad. I have been sleeping fine. But when I drive to work I'm anxious, when I get to work I'm anxious except when I'm at my cubicle, when I'm at my families home I'm on edge. I hope this isn't my default for awhile 

[Dylanmatthew]

It's my CNS being sensative. I which it would dull out. 

[ChessieCat]

24 minutes ago, Dylanmatthew said:

But when I drive to work I'm anxious

 

Maybe listen to some background music that you like whilst you are driving.  I have an audio Bible playing when I'm driving and find that helpful.  I have learned, but sometimes it's hard to remember to do it, that if I have had a stressful drive that it is a good idea to just sit in the car for a few minutes and do some deep breathing and positive self talk.

 

It will improve.  However, you also need to recognise what triggers the anxiety, which you seem to be doing, and work out ways to eliminate it, make it less anxiety producing, how to cope during it and/or how to settle yourself down afterwards.

 

Some of the things that I tell myself are:  I'm okay, it's only for a short while, it's not going to hurt me, I've managed it before, I've done it so now I can relax again.  Something which you need to be aware of is "anticipatory anxiety" which is when you know that you have to do something later but you start to get anxiety about it earlier.  That's when I would tell myself to settle down, I don't need to do it now so don't worry about it, you'll be okay.

[Dylanmatthew]

Those are good tips. I'm going try them on Monday. 

JOURNAL

It's Saturday at 12PM. I've taken 0.5mg Lexapro for 7 days now. I still have symptoms but I admit they aren't as severe. Today I took my Lexapro and 5k IU vit d3. I have a slight headache, I feel very fatigued, no motivation, no energy. I feel anhedonia. Nothing brings me joy. Anxiety is triggered very easily. Today just feels bad. 

It's either withdrawal or there is a hormone/vit deficiency. Either way I'm miserable today. But at least it doesn't feel like my head is being squished and I feel like i have the flu. 

[WantoffVen]

Dylan, you might want to google Vitamin D3. I read 4,000 is the maximum dose you should take and my doctor told me 2,000 so just thought I would throw that our there for your consideration.

[Dylanmatthew]

That worries me. I have a headache. Wonder if I'm toxic... I don't even take them daily 

[Dylanmatthew]

I Googled it. Seems like 5k is fine since I don't get sun often. Since I'm white and pale it can only take 15min to make 20k iu

[Dylanmatthew]

I'm so jealous of people who can enjoy things. 

[Leo1983]

Welcome to the jungle.

 

We all feel the same.....

 

Do your homework and start learning to surf the waves. You will be a pro surfer soon. 

 

Heres a new 1 for you....

 

RELAX 

 

R - Research

 

E - Educate

 

L - Learn coping strategies

 

A - Accept

 

X - Xpect it to last a while but NOT forever!

 

Im getting good at these lol. 

[Dylanmatthew]

Leo, my man. Love the creativity. How's your anhedonia? Bet it's better than mine. It's 5pm Saturday and I've basically just sat at my families watching TV lmao. I've got no energy for life. 

[Leo1983]

My mood is shite. Simple as that. One of my worst symptoms. 

 

But hey.

 

My memory is better.

 

My balance is better.

 

My sleep is better.

 

I have stopped sweating.

 

I can think about things i need to do.

 

So i must be improving. You will too with time. 

 

[Dylanmatthew]

I'm on my phone so I can't see signatures. Are you drug free or low dose of Lexapro? 

I hope I feel better. Feeling anxious at working is ruining my life. Then when I'm home I'm fatigued and very depressed. 

[Dylanmatthew]

Leo

What do you find joy in everyday 

[Dylanmatthew]

New symptom. My right ear seems sensitive. When I'm listening to people talk on my blue tooth speaker in my car it's like my ear is breaking in and out with fuzzy noises!! Then randomly my right ear will start ringing loudly for 1 min or so. Then when my family member is talking a lot it stresses me and my ear feels too stimulated...what the heck

[ChessieCat]

Yes, we can be sensitive to many things.  The best idea is to think, oh yes, I know what that is, it's a withdrawal symptom and then try to ignore it.  It can be annoying and frustrating but it's important to learn Acceptance so that you don't add stress.

[Dylanmatthew]

Okay chessie. I just don't want to lose my hearing or be on pain from the tinnitus. And I've been having jaw pain in the corners of my mouth... Could all be related. It's like a dull ache in the bottom and sometimes top parts of my mouth corners. Very concerning. I'm tempted to check WebMD but I fear it will just drive me mad. 

I go to the dentist Monday do I guess all I can do is wait. 

 

I will teach myself acceptance 

[ChessieCat]

It's better to search on SA.

 

face-jaw-tongue-muscle-tension-and-pain-bruxism-teeth-clenching-tics-tmj

[Dylanmatthew]

I'll do that for now on. I think my aches are from WD! I Feel better already. 

So when do you think I will be in a good place to taper? 

[ChessieCat]

Ummmmmm.  You've only just reinstated.  Being realistic it might take a few months before you should even consider tapering.  You'll need to listen to your body.  It's better to hold for longer than to risk tapering too soon.  And when you do start to taper it might be worthwhile doing a "test" taper of a small amount to make sure that you are stable.  For example a 2.5% or 5% reduction.

 

One thing that hasn't been done yet, and you said that you are on a phone so when you get a chance and are able to use a "real" computer please create your drug signature.  You can get it organised now by writing it on paper.

 

Please create a drug signature using the following format:

 

Please make it nice and simple by following these instructions (NO diagnoses or symptoms please - thank you):

• details for last 2 years - dates, ALL drugs, doses
• summary for older than 2 years - just years and drug/s

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

[Leo1983]

Dylan keep reading my thread...

 

Its all normal. 

 

Read Aeroman and Happy to heal each time you feel panic. 

 

I dont find alot of pleasure but i try and go through the motions. I read it is common in WD Anhedonia and does lift at some point. 

[Dylanmatthew]

JOURNAL 

Day 9 from reinstating 0.5mg Lexapro. I have symptoms. I don't know if they are WD related. My eyes feel like they are straining, my right eye bottom eyelid sometimes twitches and tickles, I get mild headaches behind my eyes and forehead. My head feels odd sometimes. I still get anxious very easily. I actually went to the dentist on my own. Found out I have gingivitis. I was anxious the whole time it was awful but I did it. My fatigue is only slightly tolerable. I can't enjoy anything still. I slightly enjoy sleeping except early mornings when I get restless. 

 

To sum it up. I'm still not well and unsure why that is... Life feels pointless. If I can't feel joy, excitement, or event contentment then why I am alive? Because I'm too afraid to considering suicide and I have a sliver of hope I will feel human one day. 

[ChessieCat]

Don't compare how you are feeling now with how you want to be feeling.  Compare it with how you felt before you reinstated.

[Dylanmatthew]

Before I reinstated I definitely felt worse. This is an improvement and I can function a little easier. I don't feel like I'm suffering all day. My body felt like it was very sick before. I just want to enjoy something so bad, Chessie. It's the holidays. Xmas is right around the corner and I just can't help but feel left out. Everyone seems happy and can laugh and smile. This is the hardest time of year for a depressed person.