Aquarius

[Aquarius]

Thank you RS i really appreciate your reply the feelings ive had coming off this drug is beyond words i could never have imagined such suffering im trying ti work out wether i initiate the crying for feeling so bad again if you see what i mean im sorry you have had to suffer too at the moment i am having stomach issues which even though ive eaten my stomach feels very acidy it doesnt travel ti my throat like acid reflux but stays in my stomach like its being eaten away ...how are you doing now 

[RachelSusan]

Aquarius,

I am doing very well now.  2.5 years ago I went cold turkey and  had to reinstate.  It took me a while to get it worked out, but now I am down to low dose and I am slowly tapering.  The first year and a half were horrible. The worst thing I have ever experienced in life.  The last nine months have been fairly good.  By that I mean I felt like a normal person.  The time between being horrible and the being good was kind a limbo time.  Good days and bad days. I don't think any of us have words to express just had bad this experience can be.  I don't think our loved ones can understand. Be we here on this site understand.  That's why I feel so bad for you. Take care of yourself my friend.  You will get through this.

RS

 

 

[ChessieCat]

1 hour ago, Aquarius said:

im trying ti work out wether i initiate the crying for feeling so bad again

 

You might find this topic helpful:  dealing-with-emotional-spirals

 

And this one:  Acceptance

 

[Aquarius]

Thank you RS it means a lot im sorry you had to go through the suffering but glad you are healing im so pleased for you and wish you all the best and hope you continue to improve you have come through a lot i am proud of you 

A

[Aquarius]

Thank you Chessie cat i will

[Rosetta]

8 hours ago, Aquarius said:

Hi rachelsusan 

Can i ask did you have the anxiety and crying upon waking i absolutely dread it i wake up initially ok then it comes on in a wave cant stop it 

Hi Aquarius.  I'm sorry you are experiencing this.  What you have written in the quote above is the way I experience bad mornings.    It is a normal part of withdrawal.  Nothing bad is actually going to happen.  The way I deal with it is to distract myself somehow, but ChessieCat's suggestion to try Claire Weekes videos or books is a good one.  They don't work automatically.  You have to watch over and over and let it sink in.  

 

Taking warm baths with Epsoms salts helps some.  Taking magnesium by mouth helps, but just be careful to start with a low dose -- much lower than the dose on the container.  Using a heated shoulder pad helps me, and some people use weighted blankets.  Rocking back and forth helps.  Soothing music is useful such as yoga music or meditation music.  Blackout blinds on the windows, using a sleep mask and using a fan for white noise to keep the sounds from outside from bothering you might help to avoid the panic in the mornings from being so intense.  Some people shower every morning -- they get up out of bed and shower to get a warm, soothing experience to help with the feelings that the cortisol has triggered (cortisol hormone wakes us up and they are thought to cause morning anxiety during WD).

 

Its going to take some time before your system calms down and learning how to cope in the meantime is all you can do.  

 

I hope you sleep well and you have a good day tomorrow,  Rosetta

[RachelSusan]

59 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

Some people shower every morning -- they get up out of bed and shower to get a warm, soothing experience to help with the feelings that the cortisol has triggered (cortisol hormone wakes us up and they are thought to cause morning anxiety during WD).

Hi Rosetta and Aquarius,

Such great tips from Rosetta.  I should have mentioned that I spent hours in the shower and in a bathtub.  I would sometimes spend a half hour just standing in the shower and do that over and over again all day long. In the middle of the night too.  Sometimes out of the shower for fifteen minutes then back in again for another half hour.  We have two showers in the house and sometimes I would exit one and go into the other one.  I don't know why.  My water bill was huge.  It was indeed a living h***. I can't describe the physical pain it was beyond anything I ever imagined.  At the time I didn't know why the shower helped but now thanks to Rosetta I do know why.

 

Aquarius, I hear your suffering.  Right now you have a lot of things going on.  I too had other medical issues going on and I never knew if a change in medication would affect the WD or not.  I never knew if a new medication was causing a resurgence in the WD or if the new medication was causing the problem. I had to question everything and go very slowly with any changes.  You will figure it out and you will find your way.  The mods here of fantastic. They will help you with everything WD related.

[Aquarius]

Thank you Rosetta and RachelSusan its so heartwarming to hear other peoples replies woke up at 3.00 this morning felt ok it's 6.30 now and ive had the panic and stomach issue for about an hour couldnt even listem to a meditation had to get up and move eating something now trying to settle my stomach and not be sick ...bless you all

[Aquarius]

Another morning of wakimg with anxiety feeling of hopelessness despair fear pacing the room crying only for it all to die down in the evening and be normal ...how much more of this will it ever end 

[ChessieCat]

Have you reduced your BP drug?  If yes, please add the date and dose to your drug signature.

[Aquarius]

Yes i have will do its only been a couple of days but the wanting to climb the walls have calmed down to be replaced by utter despair hopefully will settle soon any little thing is setting me off at the moment 

[Aquarius]

Yes i have will do its only been a couple of days but the wanting to climb the walls have calmed down to be replaced by utter despair hopefully will settle soon any little thing is setting me off at the moment  sorry still a bit dumb as to this site went to my name and saw my history wasnt able to get to write on it ??

[SkyBlue]

Are you viewing the site on a phone? The signatures won't be visible on a phone. Try using a computer instead; that should work.

[Rosetta]

Follow this link to change your signature

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/settings/signature/

 

You are going to have this pattern of anxiety in the mornings and feeling calmer at night.  You have to learn to tolerate it.  Remind yourself that it will get better as the day goes on.  Gradually, it will become less intense over time.  Sometimes, it will get more intense when you have a wave, but those pass, too.  Remembering that your brain is constantly readjusting to the changes it is undergoing is important.  

 

You will come to see those adjustments as necessary to healing, but they will be very uncomfortable.  Try to avoid being afraid of them if you can.  I know it's really hard, but your feelings can't hurt you, your fear can't hurt you unless you let it.  When you do let it get out of control forgive yourself right away.  None of us are able to control our responses all of the time to this syndrome and the way it affect our bodies and minds.  We simply have to keep trying and keep remembering that this  process will get better, less painful, less frustrating until one day it's over.  

 

It's slow, and the improvements are not perceivable until after they have happened.  It's not like a headache that is gone when you wake up from a nap.  It happens very gradually such that we don't realize we have healed until we look back and notice that we feel better.  For that reason we can't focus on how we are worried that we are not getting better.  We have to record our days in a notebook or here on SA and then look back in a few weeks to see the improvements.  Otherwise, it may seem that we aren't getting better.  You are.  Your calmer evenings indicate that your brain is working to heal.  It's all going to be ok.  I'm proof of that.

 

Hang in there, Rosetta

[Aquarius]

Thank you Skyblue yes i am on my phone 

Rosetta your words are so comforting i hope people on this site realise that when someone replies to them it can mean so much to them and give them a glimmer of light in such a dark world thank you  💚

[Aquarius]

The big thing for me at the moment is the stomach issues it feels like its never settled it gurgles away regardless of food or not i seem to have pain from below navel but to the left and goes to the side my stomach muscles ache im so hypervigilant over it i know im making it worse the split second i focus on it it makes my body go into panic everything tenses up then i get a tight chest and cramping neck and my leg muscles shake its like my body going into shock from just a thought its a vicious circle at the moment i hope it settles i try and lay down and relax but just make myself worse 

[Aquarius]

Just journaling so i can look back on this  after a tortuous day yesterday anxiety and panic all day i had an epsom salt bath with Lavender and baking soda and started to relax before bed unfortunately i still woke at 3.30 but didnt feel the need to jump out of bed move around the house and cry a strange calmness came over me snd and i didnt want to get up in a good way im still here now a few times i have anticipatory thoughts thinking whens it coming which does start my palpatations but again it just calms down i feel a kind of positivity as if i can do this which was very much non existent lately 

[Carmie]

Hi Aquarius, 

 

That’s wonderful you had a calmness after the epsom salt, lavender and baking soda bath, even when you woke up early. Have a few more epsom baths and see how you go. I’d love to hear if they continue to help.

 

Sending sunshine your way☀️☀️☀️

[Aquarius]

Thank you Carmie i will definitely let you know never tried it with the baking soda before so maybe that was the magic ingredient ha ha 

[Aquarius]

Well the good feeling lasted until about 4.00 then the tell tale signs came on the ear ringing first then the head pressure and stiff neck and thoughts so negative if i need any more proof this is withdrawal today has been it the difference in how i felt physically and mentally in one day is extreme i have a sore throat and body aches the usuall flu like symptons extremely tired as well though there is a difference rather than overreacting to this as i normally do i feel more at peace with it a sort of acceptance where before i would go into a downward spiral 

[Aquarius]

I rested for a while with eyes closed put a heat pad on my neck and stayed there for about half an hour then i had something to eat its now 8.20 and most of my symptons have gone and i feel normal again there us no rhyme or reason but im certainly not complaining !

[SkyBlue]

Definitely! Sometimes there doesn't seem to be a rhyme or reason, but our systems are definitely healing. 

[Aquarius]

Well honeymoon well and truly over woke with the usual worries overthinking and working myself into a panic pacing and wanting to be sick stomach feels delicate added stress of worrying about christmas its so exhausting having a ginger tea that usually helps witb the nausea .The hardest bit if this is that people say sit down and rest or just relax i just look at them and smile ...if only they knew ...

[Aquarius]

Stomach issues still with me a kind of burning behind navel area stiff hot neck all day and head feels full tingling in hands and feet sore throat dry lips and eye strain may try another bath and see if it was just a fluke !

[Aquarius]

Didnt have the bath ...woke at two was fine woke again at six slightly anxious no panic eased off fairly quickly and feeling ok now it seems like the clouds are breaking up ...nearly 9 months off a extremely fast taper and taking no supplements ...

[Aquarius]

Was doing ok i know i like to make connections but after eating something midday i have got my stomach issues back it feels like all my muscles in that area are cramping up and all around rib area at back and sides and like a burning sensation can anyone relate ? 

[ChessieCat]

The best way to try and work out if something is affecting you is to keep a diary.  If you think it might be a particular food or type of food, don't eat it for a while, see how you are and if the symptom doesn't return, try it again.  We sometimes have to be our own detectives.  I had to do that when I became glutamate intolerant after becoming hooked on Pringles Sour Cream and Chives which contain MSG.  This is an example:

 

6 a.m. Woke with anxiety
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Stomach is upset
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Feel a bit better
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Feeling dizzy
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke but got back to sleep

[Carmie]

Hi Aquarius, 

 

Thanks for popping around to my thread. Yes, the only way you’ll know what foods affect you is to keep a diary. It can change all of the time too. One day you may be able to tolerate something, but then a while later it may not agree with you. 

 

I eat a pretty healthy diet, but in the last year I’ve figured out that high histamine foods don’t agree with me as I end up breaking out in pimples and get an itchy face and head. I still eat some foods with histamine in them but I try and eat more low histamine foods. It helps. 

 

Only you will will be able to figure out what kinds of foods don’t agree by trial and error. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

[Aquarius]

Thank you Chessie Cat and Carmie ...really bad morning after a bad night awake every two hours on verge of panic and dry heaving which in turn hurts my stomach cant settle moving all over house thoughts are dark feel utter despair i would say its the worst i felt and it was after a fairly good day my legs are shaking and cant quiet mind was on phone to sister and calmed down now ive finished its all back ..this is so hard 

[Aquarius]

Just been for a walk feel worse than ever cant stop crying feel tired but cant sit still at a complete loss so close to taking a diazepam !

[Aquarius]

Im so scared now and convincing myself this is how its going to be 

[manny03]

Were in the same boat. Only with time it will settle down. I'm still having my g.I issues.  

 

slight nausea

insomnia

chest palpitations

slight random electric shock pain around my diaphragm 

slight burping 

Though funny thing is that it calms down after I have a bowel movement. Then, the symptoms shift back to my head with a bloated head pressure feeling. This last symptom reveals that it's my brain and stomach trying to communicate with each other, though its of the whack. My anxiety tells me it's something else, though seeing the random shift to chest and head symptoms just shows how W/D can be one crazy monster. 

[Aquarius]

It certainly can trouble with me when i feel ok im very rational but when in a bad wave like this morning i just lose all sense and my mind convinces me im going to be stuck like this like you i have random things that move around its so annoying i hope this is all behind us soon and wish you well thank you for your reply 

[manny03]

1 minute ago, Aquarius said:

It certainly can trouble with me when i feel ok im very rational but when in a bad wave like this morning i just lose all sense and my mind convinces me im going to be stuck like this like you i have random things that move around its so annoying i hope this is all behind us soon and wish you well thank you for your reply 

You're welcome. We're in it to the end. 

[Prevail]

Aquarius, I took my last dose of Lexapro  on April 1, 2018, around the same time period as you got off yours. Nearly reaching 9 months drug free.

 

This journey hasn’t been easy.  Since mid November, I’m in a phase very similar to you.  Tough mornings, better evenings at times. Up Down Up Down. Anxiety is so tough.  Irrational fears.  My stomach is in knots, I know this is not me, I know this is recovery.  We have to separate ourselves from the negative emotions and feelings and focus on the real us, the person who exists when we have a good moment.  

 

The last two weeks have been the hardest since this journey began.  The journey in the last 8 months was tough, I’ve only been existing, not living.  My bowels are a mess.  I am dry heaving in the mornings, probably as a result of all the silly anxiety.  This tells me though, that changes are happening.  Each time I started Lexapro (3 times) I would feel incredibly worse for a long while? ... Why? Because changes in my body were occurring, by the drug.  I like to view what is happening to me lately, as part of the same process, changes in my body happening.  I trust in my body.  I trust in myself.  It’s sooo incredibly difficult to ignore, so I try to accept.  And it’s so reasurring that there are others on the same journey.  

 

I ordered “Hope and Help for Your Nerves” by Claire Weekes, it arrived yesterday and I will begin to read today.  Apparently it’s a very useful tool for Anxiety sufferers. (the reason I’ve ended up on AD’s in my life)  I am hoping it helps me develop the skills I need to cope better with life challenges for now and my future. 

I view this as recovery.  How can it be so painful?  Well, I think it’s because I believe at a serotonin  level, changes are happening.  Maybe our bodies are making copious amounts of serotonin right now, which is affecting other neurotransmitters.  Who knows.  We’ll never know exactly why the feeling is so awful. We do however know that our bodies can heal.  Better days ahead.  This is a phase.  We have to wake up each morning and face the gut wrenching feelings and be assured that this is a temporary state. Our bodies heal.  Also this time of year is tough.  Even the healthiest of happiest people find this time of year tough, for us right now it’s just tougher.

 

Keeping busy and occupied is very important right now in this phase.  No matter how awful we feel, we must get up, and go.  We have to distract our minds.  

 

We will heal.  This is a phase. 

 

Edited December 22, 2018 by ChessieCat
added space

[Tanha]

On 12/17/2018 at 5:54 PM, Rosetta said:

Follow this link to change your signature

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/settings/signature/

 

You are going to have this pattern of anxiety in the mornings and feeling calmer at night.  You have to learn to tolerate it.  Remind yourself that it will get better as the day goes on.  Gradually, it will become less intense over time.  Sometimes, it will get more intense when you have a wave, but those pass, too.  Remembering that your brain is constantly readjusting to the changes it is undergoing is important.  

 

You will come to see those adjustments as necessary to healing, but they will be very uncomfortable.  Try to avoid being afraid of them if you can.  I know it's really hard, but your feelings can't hurt you, your fear can't hurt you unless you let it.  When you do let it get out of control forgive yourself right away.  None of us are able to control our responses all of the time to this syndrome and the way it affect our bodies and minds.  We simply have to keep trying and keep remembering that this  process will get better, less painful, less frustrating until one day it's over.  

 

It's slow, and the improvements are not perceivable until after they have happened.  It's not like a headache that is gone when you wake up from a nap.  It happens very gradually such that we don't realize we have healed until we look back and notice that we feel better.  For that reason we can't focus on how we are worried that we are not getting better.  We have to record our days in a notebook or here on SA and then look back in a few weeks to see the improvements.  Otherwise, it may seem that we aren't getting better.  You are.  Your calmer evenings indicate that your brain is working to heal.  It's all going to be ok.  I'm proof of that.

 

Hang in there, Rosetta

Thank you so much for these helpful information. It helps me, too.