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Tanha

Tanha: never stabilize under diazepam but want to taper

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Tanha

17th Jan to 22nd Jan

 

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17. jan
9 days since last cut of quetiapine
44 days after last cut mirtazapine
83 days since cutting levomepromazine to zero
11 months since ct cymbalta and promethazine and Wellbutrin
200 mg quetiapine
broken sleep
4 am awake, ruminate, depressed, anxiety
7:30 am meat, cucumber
oats, hempprotein
50 mg quetiapine
1 mg diazepam
150 mg magnesiumcitrat
vitamin d
8:15 am anxiety and depression bad, mild arousel
9 am Suddenly heavy sedation, dizzy, depression, bloodcirculation feels
wrong, weak, little feeling of no musclecontrol,left eye burning
10:20 am most severe depression, anxiety all the time bad
10:50 am more arousel
11 am sedation and Depression through the roof, arousel, weak, very dizzy
chestburn, like loosing consciousness, like fainting
11 am Noni juice
12 potatoe, vegetables, meat
50 mg quetiapine
1,5 mg diazepam
fishoil
12:30 Heavy sedation, difficulty breathing (a little), freezing
1:30 pm bad sedation, anxiety through the roof, brainfog, dry mouth
like loosing my mind, loosing control
1:50 pm hot, like fainting, weak, strong sedation, like loosing my mind
2:30 pm Vitamin juice
150 mg magnesiumcitrate
2:50 pm feeling physically and mentally crappy, bad mental restlessness
like urge to jump out of my mind or do something (mental
akathisia?), depressed
3:30 pm same, dry mouth, utter despair
4:45 pm little better, akathisia (cannot Rest physically), depression
less painful, still feeling crappy (like mental hangover)
5 pm all too much through the roof (no stress/emotionregulation)
arousal, anxiety through the roof, akathisia better
5:30 pm meat, cucumber,
oats, hempprotein
50 mg quetiapine
1,5 mg diazepam
5:40 pm anxiety through the roof
6:30 pm anxiety and feeling crappy better, depression, despair
7:30 pm 150 mg magnesiumcitrate
7:45 pm 16 mg mirtazapine
8 pm little difficulty breathing, depressed, exhausted
8:45 pm 50 mg quetiapine (maybe that I took 100 mg extra)
9:30 pm 1 mg diazepam
bad depression, mild musclecramps, left eye burning
difference to last days
A lot bad anxiety
Most severe depression
Akathisia
feeling like loosing my mind/consciousness
Heavy sedation


18. jan
10 days since last cut of quetiapine
45 days after last cut mirtazapine
84 days since cutting levomepromazine to zero
11 months since ct cymbalta and promethazine and Wellbutrin
200 mg quetiapine
no broken sleep
4 am awake, anxiety
7:30 am meat, cucumber
oats, hempprotein
50 mg quetiapine
1 mg diazepam
150 mg magnesiumcitrat
vitamin d
8:26 am anxiety worse, arousel
9:10 am arousel worse
9:30 am all way too much (no stress/emotionregulation)
arousel, less anxiety
10:25 am vertigo, nausea, dizzy
all too much (no stress/emotionregulation)
10:30 am like loosing control, like loosing my mind, like fainting
10:45 am sore tummy, burning left eye all day
all too much (no stress/emotionregulation)
11 am dry mouth
Noni juice
11:10 am feeling sick
12 potatoe, vegetables, meat
50 mg quetiapine
1,5 mg diazepam
fishoil
12:30 very Dizzy, bloodcirculation feels bad, weak, anxiety,
normal emotions, despair
12:45 little like loosing control over muscles and will
1 pm mind cannot rest, mental akathisia/restlessness, arousel,
feeling mentally crappy, like loosing my mind
2 pm mental akathisia/restlessness, Bad dp/dr
3 pm dysphoria, physical arousel
4 pm all way too much (no stress/emotionregulation),
hyperarousel, less crappy, severely depressed
4:30 pm akathisia (restlessness), depression, hyperarousel
5:30 pm meat, cucumber,
oats, hempprotein
50 mg quetiapine
1,5 mg diazepam
5:40 pm arousal, akathisia, depressed
5:45 pm short but intense anxiety attack, then milder anxiety
6:25 pm 150 mg magnesiumcitrate
6:35 pm hyperarousel, anxiety
6:50 pm severe dp/dr, emotionally crappy, cannot rest (Akathisia)
7:15 pm sweets
7:30 pm like loosing my mind, loosing control, darkest emotions,
like fainting, nausea, feeling really sick, akathisia
7:45 pm 16 mg mirtazapine
8:45 pm 50 mg quetiapine (maybe that I took 100 mg extra)
9:30 pm 1 mg diazepam
difference to days before:
lots of anxiety
Bad dp and dr in the afternoon
loosing my mind/like fainting really intense
slept little
sore tummy
a lot akathisia


19. jan
11 days since last cut of quetiapine
46 days after last cut mirtazapine
85 days since cutting levomepromazine to zero
11 months since ct cymbalta and promethazine and Wellbutrin
200 mg quetiapine
no broken sleep
5:30 am awake, ruminate, Bad dp/dr, depressed,
little anxiety, no emotions, (akathisia?)
7:30 am meat, cucumber
oats, hempprotein
50 mg quetiapine
1 mg diazepam
150 mg magnesiumcitrat
vitamin d
8:15 am anxiety worse, arousel, dry mouth
8:50 am little difficulty swallowing, feels like a terrible self,
fear of death
10:35 am paralyzed will, dp, feeling like no musclecontrol a little
bearly conscious, bloodcirculation feels bad (low/down),
very Dizzy
10:45 am (103/63), anxiety, depressed,
11 am Noni juice
11:10 am feeling mentally and physically crappy, dizzy, dp,
like low bloodpressure, brainfog, difficulty to stay conscious,
tighten belly to stay conscious
12 potatoe, vegetables, salty
50 mg quetiapine
1,5 mg Diazepam
fishoil
mild tremor, akathisia, like bad bloodcirculation (low/down)
Suddenly hyperarousel through the roof, still
feeling like low bloodpressure
all too much (no stress/emotionregulation), earringing
12:30 suddenly arousal better
1 pm heavy sedation,
1:30 pm really like fainting, mind cannot rest, urge to jump out of my mind or
do something (emotional akathisia?) (117/72)
1:45 pm terribly restless and fatigue, mild nausea, little bit like flue
2 pm earringing
3 pm Emotionally numb, terrible dp/dr, despair,
3:30 pm Vitamin juice
150 mg magnesiumcitrate
5:30 pm meat, cucumber,
oats, hempprotein
5:45 pm 50 mg quetiapine
1,5 mg diazepam (might have been tiny bit less by mistake)
6:15 pm all still very bad, anxiety, dp/dr, Bad urge to jump out of my
mind or do somethng (emotional akathisia) all afternoon, cannot eat
6:30 pm all way too much (no stress/emotionregulation)
like loosing my mind, Bad dp/dr, severe depression
150 mg magnesiumcitrate
7 pm physically sick, like loosing control and orientation
urge to jump out of my mind (emotional akathisia?)
7:45 pm 16 mg mirtazapine
8 pm still bad but less urge on my mind
8:30 pm cabbage, meat, sausage
8:45 pm 50 mg quetiapine
all too much (no stress/emotionregulation), left eye burning
9:30 pm 1 mg diazepam (might have been tiny bit less by mistake)
11 pm ruminate, difficulty falling askeep
Difference to last days
Difficulty staying conscious
physically feeling sick
Dp/dr
hyperarousel through the roof
Anxiety
Depression
Fear of death
terribly alienated feeling of self
urge to jump out of my mind (emotional akathisia?)


20. jan
12 days since last cut of quetiapine
47 days after last cut mirtazapine
86 days since cutting levomepromazine to zero
11 months since ct cymbalta and promethazine and Wellbutrin
200 mg quetiapine
broken sleep
4 am awake,
7 am Bad dp/dr, mentally crappy, anxiety,
little anxiety, no emotions, (akathisia?)
7:30 am apple
oats, hempprotein
50 mg quetiapine
1 mg diazepam (might have been tiny bit less by mistake)
150 mg magnesiumcitrat
10:20 am feel emotionally crappy, anxiety, arousel, akathisia/restless
mild tremor, all too much (no stress/emotionregulation)
10:30 am oatmilk
hyperarousel through the roof
11 am bp 109/68, hyperarousel through the roof
Noni juice
11:20 am bp 104/73, Druck auf den Ohren, Dizzy
11:25 am little better, feeling cold, little feeling of no musclecontrol,
brainfog, earringing,
11:35 am akathisia/restlessness, mild nausea
11:40 am arousel better but still earringing, akathisia/restlessness,
prickling skin, nausea, very dizzy
11:48 am bp 118/74,
12 Cabbage, potatoes
50 mg quetiapine
1,5 mg Diazepam (might have been tiny bit less by mistake)
pressure on ears, mild sedation
12:15 am all too much (no stress/emotionregulation), mild arousel
12:35 feeling sick, very Dizzy, like bloodcirculation is wrong,
like loosing my consciousness, sedated, anxiety
12:50 dp/dr, brainfog, depressed, paralyzed will, numb emotions
1:45 pm Vitamin d
fishoil
sedated, like loosing consciousness, like loosing control
anxiety, dp/dr, sore tummy, no emotions
2 pm all too much (no stress/emotionregulation),
2:25 pm urge to jump out of my mind or do something (emotional akathisia?)
mental restlessness
Vitamine juice
150 mg magnesiumcitrate
2:50 pm hyperarousel worse
3:10 pm all too much through the roof (no stress/emotionregulation),
like loosing consciousness
4:30 pm all too much better,
5 pm all too much (no stress/emotionregulation)
5:30 pm akathisia/restlessness worse,
meat, cucumber,
oats, hempprotein
50 mg quetiapine
1,5 mg diazepam
5:55 pm anxiety through the roof
6:50 pm hyperarousel worse, akathisia/restlessness worse
7:30 pm arousel milder
7:45 pm very Dizzy, bloodcirculation feels wrong, arousel milder
16 mg mirtazapine
7:55 pm mild nausea, mild tremor, like fainting
8 pm feeling like fainting severe, eyes heavy like lead, drowsy,
very Dizzy, mild difficulty breathing, difficulty staying conscious,
arms like lead
8:30 pm better
8:45 pm 50 mg quetiapine
9:30 pm 1 mg diazepam
differences to days before:
Very severe and long symptom „like loosing control/control/my mind“, sedation
less sleep,
Sore tummy
anxiety through the roof
Nausea


21. jan
13 days since last cut of quetiapine
69 days after last cut mirtazapine
87 days since cutting levomepromazine to zero
11 months since ct cymbalta and promethazine and Wellbutrin
200 mg quetiapine
no broken sleep
6 am woke, terrible mental and physical hyperarousel
very tired
7:30 am meat, cucumber
oats, hempprotein
vitamin d
same symptoms
7:40 am paralyzed will, anxiety, depressed, hyperarousel
8 am 50 mg quetiapine
1 mg diazepam
150 mg magnesiumcitrat
severely depressed, anxiety
8:15 am arousal little better but still
8:50 am paralyzed will, severely depressed, normal feelings, no dp
feeling mentally crappy, mental bad akathisia?
9 am bad nausea, dizzy
9:25 am akathisia better, bad nausea
10 am nausea better, hyperarousel through the roof, all way too much,
anxiety, severe depression, feeling normal
10:20 am little better, utter despair, severe depression, agitation
still intense but less painful
10:30 am all better but despair, all too much, agitation less
11 am Noni juice
same symptoms
12 potatoe, vegetables, meat
50 mg quetiapine
1,5 mg diazepam
fishoil
12:20 all too much, hyperarousel, normal interest and emotions
sadness, anxiety, left eye burning, all too much, akathisia
12:30 - 2:30 heartrate doesn’t normalize after sport (90) feels like raging
in the Body (Dysautonomia), no arousel, no akathisia
dry mouth
1:50 pm same symptoms+ arousel
2:15 pm Dysautonomia better but hyperarousel, akathisia, all too much
2:30 pm mental akathisia, paralyzed will, severe (toxic) depression,
utter despair
Vitamin juice
150 mg magnesiumcitrate
3:00-5 pm painful most severe depression through the roof
5:00 pm exhausted
5:30 pm meat, cucumber,
oats, hempprotein
depression still bad but less painful, bad anxiety, arousel
50 mg quetiapine
1,5 mg diazepam
high calorie drink
6:00 pm all better
6:40 pm hyperarousel through the roof, bad earringing
7:20 pm arousel milder
150 mg magnesiumcitrate
7:45 pm 16 mg mirtazapine
150 mg magnesiumcitrat
8:30 pm better but depressed
8:45 pm 50 mg quetiapine
9:30 pm 1 mg diazepam
10 pm difficulty falling asleep, rumination
all day mild akathisia as all days!
difference to days before:
most severe depression
more anxiety spikes
Dysautonomia
feeling incredibly normal late morning
No flue
A lot severe anxiety


22. jan
14 days since last cut of quetiapine
70 days after last cut mirtazapine
88 days since cutting levomepromazine to zero
11 months since ct cymbalta and promethazine and Wellbutrin
200 mg quetiapine
broken sleep
5:30 am woke, most severe depression, clear mind until 8:25 am
7:30 am meat, cucumber
oats, hempprotein
vitamin d
same symptoms, diarrhea
8 am 50 mg quetiapine
1 mg diazepam
150 mg magnesiumcitrat
8:15 am severely depressed, anxiety, arousel, paralyzed will
8:25 am clear mind gone, arousel, estranged self (dp?) feeling crappy
like mental hangover all day, no will
9 am anxiety worse, severely depressed, estranged self, Dysautonomia
(heartrate doesn‘t normalize after sport)
9:25 am extremely Dizzy, mild arousel, bloodcirculation strange,
bad diarrhea, severe depression, mental hangover,
eyes lightsensitive
10 am mental hangover bad, severe depression, feeling normal
all too much
12 potatoe, vegetables, meat
50 mg quetiapine
1,5 mg diazepam
fishoil
arousel, akathisia, mental hangover, depressed, fall asleep
for seconds and get adrenaline rush, panic
1 pm severe dr, anxiety
2 pm severe mental pressure through the roof (mental akathisia, arousel)
until 5
Vitamin juice
150 mg magnesiumcitrate
3 pm same symptoms+ dr, severely depressed
4:00 pm depression through the roof, dr
5 pm little less intense akathisia
5:30 pm cucumber,
oats, hempprotein
50 mg quetiapine
1,5 mg diazepam
6:00 pm fear, mild depression and mild mental akathisia
high calorie drink
meat
6:40 pm hyperarousel, akathisia
Noni juice
7 pm 150 mg magnesiumcitrate
intrusive thoughts of fear
7:45 pm 16 mg mirtazapine
150 mg magnesiumcitrat
akathisia, arousel
8 pm akathisia, mild tremor, intrusive thoughts
8:45 pm 50 mg quetiapine
9:30 pm 1 mg diazepam
difference to days before:
most severe depression
feeling incredibly normal in the morning
terrible mental akathisia most day and evening
less arousel
physically strong
eyes lightsensitive
bad dr
mental hangover feeling all day
diarrhea more
59,2 kg (58 before)
Intrusive thoughts of fear
severe anxiety

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Daily symptoms notes copied and pasted from:  Second file schedulesSurvAntid17.bis22.01.pdf

 

Edited by ChessieCat
pasted info from PDF

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Altostrata

I prefer to see the notes posted rather than having to download a pdf.

 

Have you discussed the trouble breathing with your doctors, as I recommended before? That's a sign of too much benzodiazepine.

 

As I have said before, my guess is you are taking too many drugs and the anxiety and depression you complain about all the time are side effects of the drugs.

 

If I were you, since you're taking 5mg diazepam per day, I'd reduce the noontime diazepam by 0.5mg to 1mg. That should reduce some of the afternoon symptoms.

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Tanha

Dear @Altostrata

 

thank you for getting through my symptoms. Reducing diazepam is what I also had in mind.

 

Could you say anything about my most pressing symptoms (since they get worse), the hyperarousel/akathisia/craving/urge to jump out of my mind/cannot calm myself?

 

Akathisia is definitely playing a role as is lack of stressregulation and this very new „feels like physical drug craving“ could also be akathisia. 

I had this the worst yesterday afternoon (until i took quetiapine evening dose) and i woke with it this morning. Took Diazepam at 7 am which only helped a little and now at 8:15 I took the quetiapine and see how that helps. My nerves are burning, I am physically restless in a way that makes me think of physical drug craving.

 

Any idea how to get a perspective with that is welcome. 

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Altostrata

As I've said maybe a dozen or 20 times before, my guess is it's a paradoxical reaction from taking too many drugs.

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Tanha

Thank you so much, altostrata! I thought you were only referring to depression and anxiety.

 

 

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Tanha
12 hours ago, WantoffVen said:

I'm sorry, Chessie. When I had a question about my benzos I was told to post in the Benzo forum so that's the only reason I said that.

Thank you wantoffVen. 

 

I am glad you responded to my post although we finally did the wrong thing (posting on the benzo forum).

 

It is really helpful to read people are caring and offer help.

have a good day.

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Tanha

Thinking this paradoxical reaction over and further reading is an eye opener. Although we cannot tell for sure that Diazepam adverse/paradoxical reactions are the cause of my debiliating symptoms 

and i am furthest away from being stable it really seems worth a try to reduce it a bit.

My body and soul are desperate for some calm. Hope I make this next step of 0,5 mg. I really fear that experience since I tried so often before and failed traumatically. But this is my next step! 0,5 mg diazepam sounds so little but I know better.

 

And actually I need all the resilience left to get myself home. 

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Ryder

You need to take the medicine and play their game while you can. Then, you will slowly build yourself up to get out of hospital that you can do which has nothing to do with medicine. Do what you can do.

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Tanha

Thank you Ryder.

You found the Perfect words for the perfect moment.

this hospitalization is stressing me a lot.

Thanks for caring. It is so damn hard. Dp/dr is hitting badly are anxiety and depression. Puh.

 

reading your post makes me feel a bit more like human, like be someone although I don’t feel myself right now.

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Tanha

I really cannot believe that such a condition as I am in now is really possibly happening. Beyond anything one can imagine. 

 

Feeling extremely dead (and sick) all day, most severe dp/dr, almost unbearable, am fully incapacitated mentally.

 

Where does this come from?

It terrifies me. I have dp/dr 24/7 for a year now but this is another level.

 

I did cut diazepam noon dose from 5 to 4,5 mg yesterday and had very good reasons to do so.

 

I hope this condition won’t last long. It is so intense as are anxiety and depression and feeling really unwell/sick and like loosing control/orientation. Like I have no self.

 

This is pure torture as was the whole of last year every single hour of the day.

 

Emotions are more normal than before but too much anxiety.

 

I really hope that my body knows how to heal this.

 

Has anybody experience this and healed to a normal self?

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Tanha

Dear @Altostrata

 

Akathisia (physical and mental restlessness) is getting really bad today since 12:30 h. The restlessness was more during the whole day than before. I am terrified.

 

Any ideas that help to find the cause are welcome. 

 

Is it worth waiting a couple of days/weeks and see how it developes (which is very very difficult and scary) or can one say now (after I reduced diazepam by 0,5 mg two days ago on Sunday - I reduced the 12 h dose).

that the diazepam covered up the akathisia and another one of my meds is the cause?

 

How are my chances that this is wd-akathisia or something else than akathisia and that it goes away soon? It is terrible. Pacing all day like a maniac.

 

What else could we rule out as a cause?

 

Is it still the ct cymbalta in March?

 

Akathisia was much better (only) with 400 mg quetiapine (in July) and worse with 30/45 mg Mirtazapin and 3,5 mg Diazepam (and 200 mg quetiapine).

It started and has been the worst after cutting lorazepam to zero and/or starting diazepam in March. Do i have to find out that from my notes if it started only after I took Diazepam or before? Is this helpful? Around that time i started all my new meds and stopped cymbalta and Wellbutrin just before that.

 

Now I am on 200 mg quetiapine, 16 mg mirtazapine, 4,5 mg diazepam. Dp/dr is really intense almost painful since yesterday (today a little better) and I feel sick and crappy. I am oversensitized to all stimuli, too, since we reduced quetiapine 4 weeks ago.

 

It is not all bad. I am much clearer although Bad brainfog since yesterday. Mood is not too bad. 

 

(How can I cut my meds and keep this akathisia/restlessness at bay?)

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Tanha

There is also a burning sensation with the terrible restlessness now at 2 pm.

 

I was on 120 mg cymbalta until almost a year ago. It feels like this has damaged my nerves so badly.

 

It is now 3 pm and the akathisia/restlessness got a bit less intense or my exhaustion/weakness/mental impairment dampens it. The burning sensation ist still bad. My will is paralyzed and I feel a bit like loosing control/orientation. I was so much clearer this morning despite of Bad dp/dr and feeling  sick.

 

„For some reason everything is different, my feelings I cannot recognise - they are new, the sufferings are different and new in a bad way, everything in life just seems loose from attachments.“ (quote from @erers post which exactly describes my situation yesterday and today.) Erer, do you think now this was the withdrawl or the olanzapine? This symptom is dreadful! I feel braindead in a painful way.

 

I really try to stay as calm as possible, yet distraction is very difficult but desperately needed.

 

What I really need is a glimpse of hope that I can successfully reduce my adverse drug reactions by reducing the causing med. 

And i need to be able to go home tomorrow.

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Tanha

10.feb

33 days since last cut of quetiapine

89 days after last cut mirtazapine

107 days since cutting levomepromazine to zero

11 months since ct cymbalta and promethazine and Wellbutrin

Cut diazepam from 5 to 4,5 mg today

 

10. feb

 

200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam (cut today)

 

no broken sleep

6:30 am.          woke,, feeling of physical    

                        drug craving

                       (akathisia?) intense

7:15 am.       dp/dr bad, mental hangover

                         and feeling alienated

                         meat, cucumber,

                         hempprotein, oats

                         1 mg Diazepam 

                         Vitamine d

                     craving and restlessness not

                         better by 8 am

8:15 am.          50 mg quetiapine

8:30 am.          feeling cold, bad diarrhea, 

                         150 mg magnesiumcitrate

9 am.               only tiny bit better

11 am.             all better but feeling

                          intensly loosing 

                         consciousness/

                         control/orientation,

                         Bad dp/dr

                         Noni juice

12                     meat, vegetables 

                         50 mg quetiapine 

                         approx. 1 mg diazepam

                        still restless

12:15.             most severe feeling of

                        loosing control/

                       orientation/consciousness,

                        Bad dp/dr

                        hr 95

12:20.             Arousel worse, other    

                        symptoms remain

1 pm.              mild tremble/tremor,

                        restlessness little better,

                        badly loosing

                        control/consciousness/,

                        very weak, exhausted,

                        fatigue, not tired,

                        vision problems, paralyzed

                       will, Bad brainfog

                        no ability to

                 focus/concentrate on anything 

2:30 pm.        150 mg magnesiumcitrate

2:45 pm.         anxiety, arousel

3:15 pm.         anxiety through the roof,

                        fear of death, arousel

                        after smallest stimuli

3:30 pm.        no orientation/control little

                        better, Bad brainfog,

4:15 pm.         hr 95, 

                      feel terrible/sick, loosing my

                        mind, physical craving,

                      anxiety, Bad dp/dr, brainfog,

                        restlessness, dp/dr bad

                    survival mode, paralyzed will,

                        terribly disconnected

4:45 pm.        almost bearable, paralyzed

                        will, dp/dr badly

                        any small stimuli puts me

                        into arousel

5:30 pm.          meat, cucumber, oats,

                         hempprotein

                         50 mg quetiapine 

                         1,5 mg Diazepam

6 pm.               about to panic although  

                         physically better

                         hr 90

6:30 pm.          bad panic (had this never

                          before)

7 pm.                much less distressing,

                          longing for life

                       every small stimuli puts me

                          into arousel

7:30 pm.          same, cannot do anything

                         without freaking

                         150 mg magnesiumcitrate

7:45 pm            16 mg mirtazapine 

                         150 mg magnesiumcitrate

8:45 pm.           50 mg quetiapine 

9:35.  pm.        1 mg Diazepam

 

 

difference to days before:

 

Bad dp/dr

feeling of bad physical drugcraving (or akathisia? 

      ... urge to jump out of skin?)

Restlessness all day, severe most of the day

most severe and long feeling like 

   .... loosing consciousness/control

terrible panic (as never before)

arousel after every small stimulus

Bad brainfog

estranged/split self or no self

A lot anxiety

fear of death

 

11.feb

33 days since last cut of quetiapine

89 days after last cut mirtazapine

107 days since cutting levomepromazine to zero

11 months since ct cymbalta and promethazine and Wellbutrin

1 day since last cut diazepam

 

 

11. feb

 

200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam (cut yesterday)

 

no broken sleep

5:30 am.         woke, painful

                      self/emotions, severe dp/dr

7:30 am.       dp/dr bad, mental hangover

                         and feeling alienated

                         meat, cucumber,  

                         hempprotein, oats

                         50 mg quetiapine 

                         1 mg Diazepam 

                         Vitamine d

8 am.                bp 97/69, Bad dp/dr,

                         no/painful self/emotions

                         horrible disconnectedness

                         150 mg magnesiumcitrate

8:30 am.          fear of death, anxiety

                        Physical therapies give me

                         bad hyperarousel

10:20 am.        hr 110, physically and

                          mentally sick, weak,

                         exhausted, terrible dp/dr,

                         feeling fluelike sick,

                         distressing alienated self,

                         depressed, 

                         painful emotions

11 am.             Noni juice

11:50 am.        mild nausea,

                         sick/physically

                          unwell

                         hr 86, little less painful

12                     meat, vegetables 

                         50 mg quetiapine 

                         approx. 1 mg diazepam

12:30.               physically better,

                       arousel/restless, terrible dp

                         hr 95 in bed

1:45 pm.          terrible anxiety, dp/dr,

                        weak,  fatigue, brainfog

                         depressed, paralyzed will, 

2:20 pm.          hr 115, anxiety through 

                         the roof, Bad dp,

                     terrible fatigue, hyperarousel

                         (cannot calm myself)

                         cannot rest mentally

2:30 pm.         150 mg magnesiumcitrate

                         Vitamine juice

3:10 pm.      same, no feeling of self, less

                        anxiety

4 pm.              fishoil

                        terrible dp/dr, not

                        functioning, Bad brainfog

                   hr 90, badly feeling of loosing

                        control/mind

                        feeling dead

5 pm.              same with same intensity

5:30 pm.         meat, cucumber, oats,

                        hempprotein

                        50 mg quetiapine 

                        1,5 mg Diazepam

5:45 pm.         panic!!!!

6 pm.          nausea suddenly, feeling sick

                        hr 125, bp 130/75 (very high

                        for me)

6:30 pm.         hr 70

7:45 pm         16 mg mirtazapine 

                       150 mg magnesiumcitrate

                       all less painful

8:45 pm.         50 mg quetiapine 

9:35.  pm       1 mg Diazepam

 

 

difference to days before:

 

Bad dp/dr

restless all day

weakness/exhausted all day

anhedonia all day

longing for life

no feeling like drug craving

feeling of bad physical drugcraving (or akathisia? 

      ... urge to jump out of skin?)

Restlessness all day, severe most of the day

severe and long feeling like 

   .... loosing consciousness/control

terrible panic (as never before)

arousel after every small stimulus

Bad brainfog

estranged/split self or no self

A lot anxiety

fear of death

feeling sick/crappy like hangover

 

12.feb

34 days since last cut of quetiapine

90 days after last cut mirtazapine

108 days since cutting levomepromazine to zero

11 months since ct cymbalta and promethazine and Wellbutrin

2 days since last cut diazepam

 

 

12. feb

 

200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam (cut yesterday)

 

no broken sleep

5:30 am.         woke, feeling of Bad

                         physical drug craving

                         agitation

7 am.                same (little less)

                         dp/dr, depressed, tired,

                          paralyzed will

7:30 am.          meat, cucumber,

                         hempprotein, oats

                         50 mg quetiapine 

                         1 mg Diazepam 

                         Vitamine d

8:30 am.         arousel, Bad dp/dr but not

                        as bad as yesterday

                        feeling mental hangover

                        (dead inside, crappy)

                        craving, weak, exhausted,

                        Bad brainfog

9:20 am.        very weak/exhausted, 

                        mildly sick, Bad dp/dr

                        depressed

10 am.            all little better but Bad dp,

                        mental hangover

                        (extremely distressing),

                        naturally depressed,

                        sensations too intense, no

                        emotions

10:30 am.       Noni juice

11 am.            same

11:30 am.       sickness/mental hangover

                        less painful,

                        dp and dr distressing,

                        Bad brainfog ,

                        oversensitized 

                        restless all day 

12                    meat, vegetables 

                        little lightsensitive eyes, 

                        Bad brainfog,

                        paralyzed will, Bad dp/dr,

                        hangover milder

                        hr 76, depressed 

12:25.             restlessness worse

                        50 mg quetiapine 

                        approx. 1 mg diazepam

                        weak, exhausted,

                        restlessness bad/akathisia

                        hr 115, anxiety

1 pm.              restlessness/akathisia

                        much worse!!!!!!!!

2:40 pm.         same, burning inside

3 pm.              restlessness/akathisia 

                        little     better or 

                        dampened by

                    exhaustion/disconnectednes

                        hr 78

3:15 pm.         like loosing

                        control/orientation/

                        consciousness 

                        very disconnected, terrible

                        Bad dp/dr, 

                        paralyzed will/dead inside

                        hr 85, not functioning, feel

                         hangover/sick again

                        150 mg magnediumcitrate,

                        depressed

5:30 pm.         meat, cucumber, oats,

                        hempprotein

                        50 mg quetiapine 

                        1,5 mg Diazepam

5:45 pm.         panic!!!! Fear of death, Bad

                         dp/dr, all distressing

6:40 pm          panic, fear of death,

                        anxiety,

                        Bad dp/dr

7 pm.          intense anxiety, restlessness

                        really worse/akathisia

                      150 mg magnesiumcitrate

7:45 pm          16 mg mirtazapine                        

                     still panic, anxiety, akathisia

 7:55 pm.        all a bit better!

8:45 pm.          50 mg quetiapine 

9:35.  pm        1 mg Diazepam

 

 

difference to days before:

 

Bad dp/dr

restless all day

weakness/exhausted all day

anhedonia all day

feeling like drug craving

feeling of bad physical drugcraving (or akathisia?)

      ... urge to jump out of skin?)

most severe akathisia after noon

severe feeling like 

   .... loosing consciousness/control

terrible panic (as never before)

arousel better (due to dp)

Bad brainfog

estranged/split self or no self

A lot anxiety until late!!!

fear of death

longing for life very intense and distressing

 

 

 

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Tanha

Can mirtazapine cause akathisia regarding my symptoms pattern?

Things get better always after taking it for a few hours but being on higher doses last summer made akathisia definitely the worst.

 

Is there anything in my drug regime that we can rule out as a cause?

 

I know that any dosechangeevent with any of my drugs can theoretically cause this.

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eymen23

Tanha,

 

It will be best for one of the more experienced moderators like Shep or Alto to provide their thoughts, but trying to be logical, if the akathisia and DP/DR increased in severity after dropping to 4.5mg of Diazepam, it could perhaps be a withdrawal type reaction to the cut in dose. I know you are trying to piece together the impacts of the various drugs, but this seems a tall order given your drug history. 

 

Please try to stay as calm as possible and if you can, avoid spiralling into thinking things will become unmanageable again. 

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Tanha

Thank you @eymen23

 

i dearly hope it is wd akathisia even if that means I will have it with the next cuts, too. At least there would be a chance that i Could „manage“ it. 

 

Let all this be healing!

 

To get response from the world of fellow fighters is soooo helpful.

 

My wife is trying to find an outpatient doctor knowledgeable with these problems or at least tolerated slow tapers. Difficult.

 

She is really desperate about all this. 

 

I am angry and sad. I also have another agitation which derives from being overly sensitive to any stimulus at the moment. I cannot do much to distract myself. No music, no tv, no gardening, no cooking, no cat patting or bathing. Grrrr. I try and try but it is all too much for my nervous system. Yet this might have improved a bit after the cut (but could also the dp be that numbs it!)

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Altostrata

My guess is, as it has been over 14 pages, that your symptoms are due to taking way too much diazepam with Seroquel 4 times a day.

 

I perceive your dramatically worsening symptoms in the afternoon as being the cumulative effective of the drugs you've taken previously in the day and in prior days, diazepam having a half-life of more than 4 days. Withdrawal symptoms would not show up like that.

 

Any diazepam doses you take today are overlapping with the diazepam doses you took a week ago. And so forth.

 

That's my best guess. If you believe that decreasing diazepam or Seroquel is making you worse, I have nothing more to add. Please discuss your overdrugging and paradoxical reactions with your doctors.

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ChessieCat

Rhiannon is another member with a success story.  She has a very detailed drug signature.

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Tanha

Dear @Altostrata

 

thank you for all the help. I really see the work and knowledge you put into this.

 

I do know my drugs are my problem as you say. Reducing them is right. I see improvement, definitely.

 

I am just worried about the akathisia, anxiety and dp/ dr spiking up suddenly. 

And today the fluelike symptoms are back after they had been gone for two weeks.

Akathisia started and has been really extreme in summer when I cut lorazepam (my only benzo at that time, i had just started quetiapine and mirtazapine a few weeks before) to zero and that is what makes me think.

 

I dearly hope this is acute withdrawl or a reaction to the dosechange.

 

How fast to cut bearing the paradoxical reaction in mind is so difficult to decide in the midst of withdrawl.

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Tanha

Today no akathisia!!!!!! 

Instead severe depression and baaad anxiety flooding over me all day like I never had it before ...

and the dreaded flu is back with nausea. 

 

I can see how I get more restless after taking my daily doses and that the feeling of „loosing consciousness/control“ intensifies to the same pattern, but that is not the whole story. 

 

Something makes me really fluelike sick all day again (little less in the morning, yesterday, too) after a break of only two weeks. Eating is a real challenge. Bedridden most of the day. 

 

My mind is restless all the time, though. No break.

 

Please, let this be healing.

 

Anything less intense is very welcome.

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Altostrata
2 hours ago, Tanha said:

I can see how I get more restless after taking my daily doses and that the feeling of „loosing consciousness/control“ intensifies to the same pattern, but that is not the whole story. 

 

Would you be surprised to find the overdoses of drugs have effects in other parts of your body?

 

The only thing I can suggest to relieve symptoms of overdosing is a fairly continual gradual tapering of your drugs. I believe you have received full instructions about how to do this for both your benzos and Seroquel.

 

As you're in a hospital, you'll need to take responsibility for this as best you can. I'm very sorry, I don't have time to speculate about your symptoms with you.

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Tanha

I decided to reduce the diazepam a bit trying 10% or a little less a month to see if this does any good (fearing the quetiapine most though but won’t touch that now). 

 

I am REALLY sorry for my longish daily schedules and posts.

This is me in full blown crisis mode and being bounced around by so many terrible symptoms changing by the hour that I cannot think straight.

Me and my wife were in such terror the other day that we calmed ourselves a bit by hacking in all the terrible details into the daily schedules not really bearing in mind how tedious it is to read through these.

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