Tanha Posted December 23, 2018 Author Share Posted December 23, 2018 I only now recall that i have been given zopiclone for some nights in February/March. Cannot remember how much. Less than three weeks. i had bad anxiety in early morning from cymbalta ct. that was before the quetiapine. 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 23, 2018 Author Share Posted December 23, 2018 I am so physically sick (burning inside, extremely sick, restless, weak), cannot distract myself with anything at allI cannot cope any longer. I am in deep constant pain all day. Things seem to get worse and worse day by day. i don‘t know if this is akathisia or hyperarousel or just restlessly burning inside. I can do nothing at all not even lying on a couch. I tighten my belly because I don‘t know what else to do to endure this symptom that I don‘t find words for. the diazepamtaper used to feel like this. 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 23, 2018 Author Share Posted December 23, 2018 23. dec 5 am. woke, 6 am. Severe anxiety until 9 am 7:30 am. Meat, cucumber Vitamin d, magnesium 50 mg quetiapine 1 mg diazepam Lost weight again (muscles) 9 am. burning skin, burning chest, akathisia, muscleweakness, sore throat, depressed, no feelings all day hyperarousel, Slight muscleweakness, impaired vision 9:30 am. Skinburn and Muscleweakness, fluelike sickness and akathisia worse, depression 10:20 am less arousel, nausea, severe sickness 11 am Dizzy, feeling of low bloodpressure fatigue, sore throat brainfog 11am noni juice Noon. Meat, pasta, tomatoesauce Hempprotein, fishoil 55 mg quetiapine 1,5 mg diazepam 12:35. sickness better 1:30 pm hyperarousel worse, akathisia, skinburn worse, heartpounding, anhedoniapain, sore tummy, slight nausea, dizzy, Bad eyesighT 2:30 pm. Vitamine juice Magnesium 3 pm. terrible burning inside, restless, no feelings, agony Cannot do anything, stiffening myself to endure 4:30 pm. everything more bearable, 5 pm. Bad hyperarousel 5:30 pm. Meat, cabbage, salad Oats, Magnesium 1,5 mg diazepam 62,5 mg Quetiapine, Magnesium 6:50 pm. Extreme depersonalization arousel bearable, anxiety chest burning, heart racing 7 pm. hyperarousel real worse, anxiety, chest burning worse, mental akathisia, fluelike sick (very unusual) Fast heartbeat, sore throat impaired vision, mild nausea, feels like I cannot control neckmuscles but I can, Muscletension around neck, sound in ears, headpressure 8 pm. 16 mg mirtazapin, better 9:30 pm. 67,5 mg quetiapine 1 mg diazepam compared to days before: enduring arousel and fluelike sickness throughout most of the day, especially before lunch and at 5 pm (old pattern) and if mentioned above it increased, sickness worse than yesterday, akathisia, no feelings all day but sometimes anxiety, very bad depersonalization experience, like yesterday it is new that it is bad after 7 pm (I used to be always much better after 7pm). Feels like slowly dying. 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 24, 2018 Author Share Posted December 24, 2018 24. dec 3am. Woke, ruminate, blunted feelings, dp extreme, sore throat, bad flue like sickness, depressed, No hunger or appetite, bad eyesight 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 24, 2018 Author Share Posted December 24, 2018 I cannot stop loosing weight. Need help with that, getting weaker and loosing muscles. At least one of my drugs is causing a reduction of muscles. i have no appetite or hunger ever. i eat relatively normal but cannot stop the weightloss which is mainly loosing muscles. I go for a walk daily and attend gymnastic therapy daily if I am able to. My body is very weak. I eat a lot of meat and cooked vegetables and force myself to eat oats and potatoes and fishoil. I take a lot of magnesium and colicalciferol/vitamin d in the morning. I am in hospital and cannot chose my food. What else can I do? getting weaker and weaker. 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 24, 2018 Author Share Posted December 24, 2018 dear @Altostrata had a very severe situation at 6:40 pm today but no panic! very Special! 24 dec 4:30 am. Woke, ruminate 6 am. Bad flue, sore throat 7 am. Bad dp, diarrhea, severe depression 7:30 am. vegetable, apple Hempprotein, oats Vitamin d, magnesium 50 mg quetiapine 1 mg diazepam 8:30 am. arousel, Bad dp, burning skin distress, no feelings, impaired vision 9 am. Less sick, more arousel 9:15 am. akathisia and hyperarousel worse 9:20 am. airhunger, pressure on chest 10 am fatigue, weakness, all too much, slight problem to swallow, slight nausea feeling of Low bloodpressur 11am arousel little better tight belly muscle, muscleweakness 11:30. anxiety worse, less brainfog Noon. Salad, cabbage, potatoe Hempprotein, fishoil 55 mg quetiapine 1,5 mg diazepam magnesium hyperarousel worse, sickness better 12:50 pm hyperarousel better, akathisia 1:45 pm. Hyperarousel worse, bad eyesight heartpalpitations 2:30 pm. Vitamine juice Magnesium 3 pm. sore throat, Muscleweakness, anxiety, bearable arousel, bad anhedonia 5:30 pm. Meat, cucumber, oats, hempprotein, Magnesium 1,5 mg diazepam 62,5 mg Quetiapine, 6:40 pm. sudden Extreme heartracing, extreme Dizzy, Heavy sweating, severe vertigo, shaking badly, like fainting, Most dramatic situation in many months, no anxiety, chest burning, sore throat 7:20 pm. Suddenly better but still very dizzy. slightly flue sick, impaired vision 8 pm. 16 mg mirtazapin, better 9:30 pm. 67,5 mg quetiapine 1 mg diazepam compared to last days: symptoms at 7:20 pm were so severe like I had last time in May during worst lorazepam withdrawl. Scares me like hell. What is this? (The cymbalta ct in March is on my mind recently but could be caused by anything). slight muscleweakness all day. I continue to loose weight/muscles, arousel and anxiety all day barely bearable, sore throat worse, dp and depression severe. 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 25, 2018 Author Share Posted December 25, 2018 Emotional blunting and the most severe depression and Depersonalisation are getting worse day by day. This is not bearable. I fear that ct cymbalta in March and cutting mirtazapin (fast taper) by half since October has damaged me too much. Tardive anhedonia. This condition is unbearable and all the other symptoms are also worse. I don‘t think am gonna make this. I try very hard to survive every minute. I don‘t want to die or live like this. I am not functioning all. Cannot wash myself or eat. i am also very frightened that I got a very much worse condition yesterday. I thought I am going to die. That I have never had before and it will be with me for longer. 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Mentor FarmGirlWorks Posted December 25, 2018 Mentor Share Posted December 25, 2018 It is so, so hard... so sorry you are going through this. I'm sorry any of us have had to. It does get better, hang on. Just making it one more minute, one more hour, one more day is progress and healing -- invisible -- is happening. Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017 Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017 Quit alcohol May 20, 2017 Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga "If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 25, 2018 Author Share Posted December 25, 2018 12 minutes ago, FarmGirlWorks said: It is so, so hard... so sorry you are going through this. I'm sorry any of us have had to. It does get better, hang on. Just making it one more minute, one more hour, one more day is progress and healing -- invisible -- is happening. Tank you farmgirl. It is getting harder day by day. 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 25, 2018 Author Share Posted December 25, 2018 Time and patience! merry christmas to everybody. 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 25, 2018 Author Share Posted December 25, 2018 i want to share with you a small but important accomplishment of mine: I managed to go home for one night from psychiatry first time in 4 months. Was tough because I am really hospitalized after eight months in hospital. physically I have gained more strength that I thought (last time I went home in August I didn‘t have enough muscles to sit. overall I am weaker now but can manage somehow better. So, fighting the terrible agony during the daily gymnastics here in hospital has been worth it. But I don‘t want to think of this therapy because every minute of it is hell if you are Dizzy, fluelike sick, almost fainting and have nausea. My wife was very happy to be able to cook for two but in the morning she was exhausted because she is not used to see me being in pain and anxiety and restlessness all day. I really tried my best to behave as normal as possible but only the symptom of depersonalization was too scary I could not hide it from her. 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 25, 2018 Author Share Posted December 25, 2018 Die 25 dec 5:30 am. Woke 6 am. severe anhedonia, emotional blunting and do all day, tightened bellymuscle 7:30 am. cucumber, meat, Hempprotein, oats Vitamin d, magnesium 50 mg quetiapine 1 mg diazepam 9 am. anxiety, weakness 10:10 am. hyperarousel feeling of low bloodpressur Dizzy, pressure on chest, impaired vision, more anxiety, muscleweakness, severe fatigue, bad depression, dp, no feelings all day 10:50 am. Less arousel, Suddenly like yesterday evening: like fainting but not as bad, pressure on chest, heat (no panic) 11:45 am. fluelike sick (slightly) feeling spaced out, dizzy Noon. meat, carrots, potatoe Hempprotein, fishoil 55 mg quetiapine 1,5 mg diazepam magnesium 12 pm all better but dp and no feelings, no interest 12:30 pm. hyperarousel worse, Depression less painful 1:30 pm. all better but no feelings slight muscleweakness, mental akathisia worse severe fatigue, tired 1:55 pm. hyperarousel and akathisia worse, brainfog all day, less painful depression 2:30 pm. Vitamine juice Magnesium 1:30 pm. anxiety 4 pm. severe mental akathisia and anhedonia, not connected with anything, no interest 4:20 pm. utter despair, most severe depression, empty, dizzy 5:30 pm. Meat, cucumber, oats, hempprotein, Magnesium 1,5 mg diazepam 62,5 mg Quetiapine, 6 pm. anxiety, all better but no other feelings no interest 7 pm. severe mental akathisia severely depressed, impaired vision 8 pm. 16 mg mirtazapin, better 9:30 pm. 67,5 mg quetiapine 1 mg diazepam compared to previous days: brainfog all day bad, more mental akathisia, milder hyperarousel but all day, anxiety and most severe anhedonia all day, emotionally blunted, less fluelike sickness, only little burning skin, no interest at all, evening milder. Again not functioning at all but longing for a life. I am feeling alienated from my skinny body. noticed that I drank less water today and yesterday. i have problems with the dosages. I have a new scale and the weight is very different from the old one. might have measured differently during the last days (+- 5 to 8 mg of quetiapine). Only noticed that today. grrrrrr. 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted December 25, 2018 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 25, 2018 It's nice that you were able to go home and spend some time with your wife out of the hospital. * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 25, 2018 Author Share Posted December 25, 2018 24 minutes ago, ChessieCat said: It's nice that you were able to go home and spend some time with your wife out of the hospital. It was a really big thing for both of us and after all a small success yet in agony all the time. I have to accept this agony and anhedonia of becoming part of my life which I ran away from all these months. Seeing all the things I used to like doing at home worsenes my Depersonalisation. Sometimes I think being confronted with my old life is unbearable and I have to leave everything behind. I cannot relate to anything from this old life. So I tried to distract myself from it and ignoring friends and details of my home. It is very painful confronting this. But I have no other option. When I tried to visit home in summer it was similar. I have dp 24/7 since cymbaltareduction and updosing in December last year. The new medication helped me to ignore it. Yet I still want to get rid of them because I can only work properly on my dp once I get off medication. I know that from dp survivors. So sad that I can only taper slowly. In in order to work on the dp one needs to have feelings. I don‘t. I know this is due to withdrawl but I cannot wait to get rid of the severe depression/anhedonia. 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 25, 2018 Author Share Posted December 25, 2018 25. dec 10:35 pm. Heartracing, bad hyperarousel, nausea, like fainting, sore throat, sick, very dizzy, sweating 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 26, 2018 Author Share Posted December 26, 2018 (edited) The pattern of middaysickness has changed extremely. Since almost a week I feel terribly sick and have a very painful anhedonia all morning since waking up It is so bad I think I loose my mind. nothing helps not even a bit. Sore throat, fluelike sick, nausea and real painful and strong anhedonia. dp and many other symptoms come with it. This condition is beyond anything bearable. instead of getting bad around lunchtime it gets a little better but then hyperarousel is worse then and anxiety. if this is going to be my wd normal I don‘t make it. I have another new bad condition, too. In the evening. So previous posts. Edited December 26, 2018 by Tanha New 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 26, 2018 Author Share Posted December 26, 2018 Dear @Altostrata things are getting too tough. Anxiety through the roof, I loose all orientation, I don‘t know where I am, depression and dp most severe, utter despair can I do anything to stop this worsening? totally bedridden and hyperarousel i loose all control over anything i don‘t know how to find the toilet cannot prepare my medication anymore brainfog 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 26, 2018 Author Share Posted December 26, 2018 I have had this new terrible symptom for the third time. sudden Heart Racing, feeling as if fainting, hot, dizzy, pressure on chest, burning chest, sudden bad weakness/fatigue, loosing my mind but no panic although the symptom is very frightening and severe. It appeared first two times roughly 1,5 hours after taking quetiapine and diazepam (See notes, do not know if I recall this properly) and meals. second time I was asleep already and it woke me up. had chocolate before. today (now) it is starting just 10 or 15 minutes after taking the Medicationand having had lunch. it is very interesting that this condition appears just after I felt great for a couple of minutes each time. it could also have to do with food I think but don’t know how. The disorientation is slightly better. This is also a new terrible symptom. Anhedonia is the worst. 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 26, 2018 Author Share Posted December 26, 2018 Thank you SA i find so much support for „holding“ as this is the difficulty for me. It helps best if people describe how symptoms develop during holds as I have no experience with that long enough. this „I need to know if long holds are worth it“ is so crucial for anybody in doubt if „not doing anything“ (holding) is doing any good. many of us can understand how important holding and stabilizing is during wd but i read a lot in SA and sooooo many people are in doubtful ambivalence with holding because one is afraid of prolonging suffering. I know holding means prolonged suffering but also surviving wd at all for so many. This information I cannot get anywhere else but SA! Thank you everybody. the urge to do something if one feels bad for too long is really difficult to counteract with „holding“. Especially if if one is on multiple drugs and has sideeffects or paradoxical reactions. I really don‘t want to prolong this but I understand that there isn’t any other way than stabilizing - as painful as that may be. i for example have to accept a „permanent“ wd-flue if I do the cut and hold properly. Also I have paradoxical reactions of one or more of my drugs and it is sooooooo tempting to rush through that - and doctors tend to be supportive with that (getting rid of the med in order to get rid of paradoxical reactions or sideeffects). But that is not how it works. I am so desperate with all my debilitating symptoms and staying on the drugs for more years to survive a slow taper. That is when SA-case-reports are so vital! i Hope for the best (still being in psychiatry). Today is a particularly difficult day since new symptoms showed up. I am almost out of my mind. How am I going to endure this?! 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 26, 2018 Author Share Posted December 26, 2018 I am so afraid that this terrible flue last longer than a couple of weeks lol a prolongedwithdrawl syndrome. It is extremely debilitating. I ct and tapered many medications too fast during this year and since May I cannot imagen being Once single day without most severe physical and mental symptoms like this wd flue. I feel so sick all the time which is why iam still in hospital. It is more I can take. Any my supportive ideas? 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 26, 2018 Author Share Posted December 26, 2018 I am very afraid of every single day to come. Every single day is pure hell. after fighting through a very ruff day almost being bedridden and really loosing my mind now i have to deal with the long persistent pattern of 5 pm hyperarousel. It doesn‘t go away today and is very intense. I cannot do anything in this Tried to walk it away but got intense. burning my veins. i am so afraid of this pattern because it is the longest enduring pattern for most of this year. It is really debilitating. I fear that this is an underlying „sickness“ which has only been covered by my heavy medication. I think the same about sleep: I fear that the cymbalta ct (120 mg to 0 mg in one week forced upon me in hospital) causes a bad enduring agitation and bad sleep. I know I made many mistakes. yet I have no other choice but to hold from my last cut for longer and hope that this old enduring hyperarousel-pattern gets less. But since it is with me for such a long time I am afraid that it stays. It shows that I have no functioning autonomous stressregualtion any more. Makes me very afraid cause meds do this to you big time. The same with the debilitating flue almost every single day. And i mean agonizing flue that makes you too sick to do anything. Yet I force myself. i am so sick of sitting in bed or forcing me doing things in pure agony while enduring the worst of symptoms every single day since December last year. I lost touch with everything, my dp, anhedonia, akathisia and emotional anasthesia are so bad that i don‘t want to live through this any longer. Holding in this situation is the most difficult task I could ever have imagined. But there is simply nothing else I can do but fighting anxiety and agony as best as I can. I force myself to walk outside, to eat and drink and to stop ruminating about my lost life. Iam 46 and at the moment loosing my job which I loved. I have no feelings but anxiety and sometimes despair. I am weak and exhausted. how does everybody else deal with such bad hyperarousel, wd-flue and emotional anasthesia? 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 26, 2018 Author Share Posted December 26, 2018 (edited) 25. dec (Night) 10:35 pm. while asleep: sudden Heartracing, bad hyperarousel, nausea, like fainting, sore throat, sick, very dizzy, sweating ate two eggs 26 dec 5 am. woke 6 am. severe anhedonia, emotional blunting all day, fluelike sick, restless, sore throat, unbearable situation 7:30 am. cucumber, meat, Hempprotein, oats Vitamin d, magnesium 50 mg quetiapine 1 mg diazepam (101/65) bloodpressure 8:30 am. dry mouth, arousel worse desperate thoughts, severe depression, bellymuscles tighten 9 am. slight swallowing problems dizzy, dp Bad, like fainting airhunger, pressure on chest, impaired vision 9:30 am. panic, utter despair, anxiety through the roof, total loss of orientation 11 am. Noni juice Noon. better chicken, vegetables, potatoe Hempprotein, fishoil 55 mg quetiapine 1,5 mg diazepam magnesium 12:10 pm suddenly Like fainting, heart racing Heat, hyperarousel, pressure on chest, dizzy, Intense fatigue, no panic 13 pm. terrible fatigue, worse mental akathisia, dizzy really sick, impaired vision 1:30 pm. all better but no feelings slight muscleweakness, mental akathisia worse severe fatigue, tired 2:30 pm. Vitamine juice Magnesium 1:30 pm. anxiety 3 pm. hyperarousel better, brainfog all day, impaired vision, less painful depression 4:20 pm. flue better, anxiety 5:20 to 8 pm hyperarousel through the roof, unbearable 5:30 pm. salami, cucumber oats, hempprotein, Magnesium 1,5 mg diazepam 62,5 mg Quetiapine, 6 pm. anxiety, all better but no other feelings no interest 7 pm. severely depressed, impaired vision sore throat 8 pm. 16 mg mirtazapin, arousel only little better heart beating, little dizzy, anxiety, sick, sore throat chicken 9:30 pm. 67,5 mg quetiapine 1 mg diazepam always eat two eggs since summer. compared to previous days: Since a week or so the worst time of day is not around noon anymore but severe anhedonia during morning and bad hyperarousel around 4:30 pm. The morning used to be good until 10. and the evenings were better after taking Mirtazapin. This has changed the last days. Most severe anhedonia in the morning, severe depression after that, new symptom: total loss of orientation (had to get help to find the toilet), new pattern again at different time: (always after feeling great for a couple of minutes!): suddenly very intense Like fainting, heart racing Heat, hyperarousel, pressure on chest, dizzy, bad fatigue, no panic, brainfog all day bad, sore throat all day, flu worse today but no nausea, mental akathisia, unbearable hyperarousel 5-8 pm (old persistent pattern), lots of anxiety, bedridden most of the day if the mood is better then I want to do things but cannot make my body doing so. Thought this was due to anxiety but it is a symptom in itself. Edited December 26, 2018 by Tanha New 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted December 27, 2018 Administrator Share Posted December 27, 2018 You've overdrugged yourself. Have you made any changes in your drugs in the last week? Please summarize them in a couple of lines. I don't have anything else to add. If you don't intend to reduce your drugs, there's no point in continuing to post those daily notes. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 27, 2018 Author Share Posted December 27, 2018 Ich 27 dec 5 am. woke, swallowing problems, sore throat, sick airhunger, diaahrrea 7 am. fatigue, anxiety, despair 8 am. arousel, can not make my body do anything. Fatigue, No musclecontrol-feeling, no will/interest. bedridden. cannot eat or wash myself Dear @Altostrata Thank you for your reply. i didn‘t change anything with the drugs for ten days now. I understood that i have to hold to stabilize for some time now? please, doctors forced me to take all the meds during crisis in August. I didn‘t overdrug myself. I was constantly tapering them too fast ever since with only one crisis updose two weeks ago. I have been coming down from 400 mg quetiapine and 15 mg diazepam. (Couldn’t’t cope with immense hyperarousel and total insomnia then). Tapered too fast too many meds since. i have problems with the scale. Have a new one. Might measure slightly incorrect (variation of 5 mg quetiapine during the day I guess) I cut 100 mg pill quetiapine (weight on scale around 0,35 g) in small pieces of variying sizes four times a day. 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 27, 2018 Author Share Posted December 27, 2018 Dear @Altostrata SA is my last hope. I am very sick. Holding my dose is what i can do now, right?. Never did hold long enough. I hope that this will help. I am totally bedridden sick and severely depressed. things are getting worse day by day though. Hope my method of weighting quetiapine is consistent. I wonder how much air and hand humidity change the weight of the pills which I cut into very small crumbs, some bigger. 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 27, 2018 Author Share Posted December 27, 2018 I am on SA to get a sensible order into my so far chaotic withdrawals. I know this isn‘t done over night. Please stay with me for a while and help me finding a way to have a structured approach to my polypharmacy withdrawl the next years. 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
powerback Posted December 27, 2018 Share Posted December 27, 2018 5 hours ago, Tanha said: Ich 27 dec 5 am. woke, swallowing problems, sore throat, sick airhunger, diaahrrea 7 am. fatigue, anxiety, despair 8 am. arousel, can not make my body do anything. Fatigue, No musclecontrol-feeling, no will/interest. bedridden. cannot eat or wash myself Dear @Altostrata Thank you for your reply. i didn‘t change anything with the drugs for ten days now. I understood that i have to hold to stabilize for some time now? please, doctors forced me to take all the meds during crisis in August. I didn‘t overdrug myself. I was constantly tapering them too fast ever since with only one crisis updose two weeks ago. I have been coming down from 400 mg quetiapine and 15 mg diazepam. (Couldn’t’t cope with immense hyperarousel and total insomnia then). Tapered too fast too many meds since. i have problems with the scale. Have a new one. Might measure slightly incorrect (variation of 5 mg quetiapine during the day I guess) I cut 100 mg pill quetiapine (weight on scale around 0,35 g) in small pieces of variying sizes four times a day. If you believe you have a problem with your scale ,you will need to calibrate the scale . Alcohol free since February 2015 1MG diazepam 4.5MG PROZAC. Link to comment
powerback Posted December 27, 2018 Share Posted December 27, 2018 3 hours ago, Tanha said: . I wonder how much air and hand humidity change the weight o Be very careful here of over thinking it ,don't paralyse yourself with over thinking ,I have before myself . Keep on your healing path . Stay safe Alcohol free since February 2015 1MG diazepam 4.5MG PROZAC. Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 27, 2018 Author Share Posted December 27, 2018 Quetiapine/seroquel is really evil. And once on it one has to taper soooo slowly. I cannot believe being on this drug for years just because I cannot taper I fast (I tried, been there, failed). But i guess that is how it is. i am so afraid of these drugs all the time. I also take Valium which I failed to cut even a tiny bit. My hyperarousel goes through the roof. And of course I am also stuck in a ad which does nothing good for my depression. please, never ever start these drugs. 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 27, 2018 Author Share Posted December 27, 2018 40 minutes ago, powerback said: Be very careful here of over thinking it ,don't paralyse yourself with over thinking ,I have before myself . Keep on your healing path . Stay safe Thank you, powerback. i am paralyzed anyway because I have terrible anhedonia and emotional blunting from drugs and wd. I calibrate the scale often. Thanx for the idea. 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus JanCarol Posted December 27, 2018 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted December 27, 2018 Hey Tanha - On 12/21/2018 at 4:44 PM, Tanha said: Eyesight and accommodation of the eye worse What do you mean? Have you seen an ophthalmologist? Have you been checked for cataracts, eye pressure, etc.? Is this blurry vision, difficulty focusing? What? On 12/22/2018 at 1:04 AM, Tanha said: Any idea how when to take quetiapine and diazepam? I don't know. I would like to see about 2 hours between these. You probably don't need to take the diazepam more than 2x per day. Is your quetiapine immediate release or Extended release (often indicated by an SR - sustained release - or XR designation)? If you are crumbling your tablets, they are immediate release. So - quetiapine 4x a day, preferably spaced 6 hours apart. It is 10 hours between your nighttime dose of quetiapine and your morning one. Can you move that back to when you first get up? It's hard to space 6 hours and still sleep, but perhaps taking it earlier will give you a break from the morning shocking wakeup. It may be withdrawal from your nighttime dose. Diazepam 2x per day, taken 2 hours away from the quetiapine. That could be your first change. Do that for a month, and see if you are better. What is your plan to get out of the hospital? It sounds like you do not want to get out. Do you have family to help you if you got out? Do you have an apartment or home to go to? On 12/22/2018 at 1:50 AM, Tanha said: I take magnesium glyzinate. Brilliant. How much? I see 4 doses a day - is that 800 mg? (4x200 mg) How much Vitamin D do you take? On 12/22/2018 at 1:50 AM, Tanha said: how are you doing these days? Thank you! I'm doing very well, nearly 3 years out from my last dose. I still sleep weird. I still get strong feelings of sadness and hopelessness - but - they are only feelings. I don't need to pay much attention to them. Just say to myself, "Oh, that's a feeling of sadness - I wonder what it's about?" sometimes I get an answer, sometimes I don't. I have been living out in the Real World for the first time in nearly 20 years. It's terrifying - but - exhilirating - to commit myself and say, "YES I WILL DO THAT" and then do it. I achieved a black belt this month because of that newfound openness to experience. On 12/23/2018 at 4:36 PM, Tanha said: i am just afraid of the diazepam, too. I cannot Imagen not to have interdosewithdrawl. Diazepam has a half-life of anywhere from 20-200 hours (depending on how you count the metabolites produced, and depending on your own metabolism). You are dosing 4x a day. This is unlikely to be interdose withdrawal. I'm not a benzo expert, but your dose is fairly low. It feels to me like your symptoms are largely from Cymbalta cold turkey. How long were you on Cymbalta? Reinstatement is an outside bet - it's been 9 months since that CT, which is really a long shot. How long has this been going on? Have you been drugged since you were a teenager? Have your drugs been changed a lot? Do you have a plan for getting out of the hospital? On 12/25/2018 at 12:00 AM, Tanha said: I am in hospital and cannot chose my food. Does your wife come and see you? We had a member who lived on croissants for awhile to keep her weight up during the hardest part (akathisia), perhaps your wife can bring you yummy treats to help you keep your weight up? On 12/25/2018 at 4:53 PM, Tanha said: Tardive anhedonia. This may be a blessing. I was just reading in Best of SA a post from Brassmonkey about how anhedonia protects us from extremes. Extreme sensitivity to temperature, emotions, bodily sensations - when we are in anhedonia, all of this is blunted. We want to feel again, but our system is protecting us from the worst. Please - people are starting to go off your thread. While I hate to tell someone how to think and speak - you will get more support if you focus on the positive, about what you can do. You can change the times of your morning quetiapine, and take your diazepam 2x a day, spaced out evenly (and apart from the quetiapine). You can get your wife to bring you something yummy that you can't get in hospital. You can find ways to appreciate your animal therapy, the forest bathing, the tiniest opportunities you have to help yourself get better. You are breathing, and that means there is more right with you than wrong with you in this moment. (Jon Kabat-Zinn) Instead of posting your fears - let's hear about your wife. Or do you have a pet at home waiting for you? Or did you see a bird in the forest - or a flower in the garden? Did someone smile at you today? I know, this reeks of CBT and "postive thinking," but if you're going to survive this, you need something to hold onto. That something cannot be me, or any of the other members or moderators. Only you can do it. We're here to listen and help if we can - but we are disembodied voices on the internet. We cannot hug you, or gaze into your eyes, or share the sounds of voices with you. So you need to find those hugs, that eye contact, those voices in your life. 7 hours ago, Tanha said: i didn‘t change anything with the drugs for ten days now. This is a good start! I'd like to see another 20 days before you change up your drug times. It takes 3 weeks for neurotransmitters to adjust (that's why we taper monthly), so you may start seeing tiny windows. But they will be so tiny at first that you will miss them unless you pay attention! Look for those tiny windows, little glimpses of the sky. You can get through this, but only you can do it. I hope you see the sun today! "Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again. My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices. A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia. CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013. Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine). Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 - Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years on Lithium). Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made. The tedious thread (my intro): JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium The happy thread (my success story): JanCarol - Undiagnosed Off all bipolar drugs My own blog: https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/ I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016! Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 27, 2018 Author Share Posted December 27, 2018 I looove Jane Austen but cannot read it because of brainfog and anhedonia. I tried so often so hard. It breaks my heart. I have the severe fluelike state since two months now. It makes life almost impossible. Taking quetiapine and diazepam apart from each other is difficult. I do a lot of mistakes due to brainfog already. The doctors said it is vital to take diazepam 4 times a day against interdosewithdrawl. I am very insecure of changing anything at the moment. on the other side: if this helps to find out what causes my paradoxical reaction it is worth a try. I take the normal quetiapine, no extended release version. Dear @JanCarol thanx for your load of information and ideas. i went home on dec 23 over night. It was my first visit home since 4 months. It was hard because I feel so fluelike sick all the time and dp and severe anhedonia gave me the feeling that I am alien to myself and so to my home. Anxiety with it. yet I do it again now coming weekend to give my brain more than being hospitalized. I try to go home no matter how sick I am but I cannot do much at home. I am in real agony all the time. Writing about my cats without any feelings is rather painful. I really hope that a stable dose now improves this terrible state I am in and then i‘d Love to write about cats and home and a lot else. I used to be a very curious person. Non of it is left at the moment. I think it is normal that with severe fluelike symptoms I do not feel like much. It is hard times right now and my task is to remain safe and hope for improvement. sorry to sound discouraging. I would love meditation but akathisia and flue make even the walking-meditation almost impossible. Yet I do it no matter what. My visual problem is I cannot focus all of a sudden. It is not blurry, more like doublevision. Some time during the day it gets worse. I go to see a doctor about that in January. He is not very good though but eyepressure he can Measure. I live with depression since puberty and could have a normal life. i started ad‘s 9 years ago, sertraline, venlafaxine, cymbalta (3 years 120 mg). They helped with ruminating but not else. I had trouble to sleep because of rumination. I was unhappy at that time about having moved towns. My my emotions got more and more unstable the last three years. I started dissociation but not dp. I started a too fast taper in autumn last year (had my first Panikattacke ever) and updosing to full dose in November. All this didn‘t help worsening depression or caused it. Got married in October and stayed most of the party in bed due to Too much stress. in December suddenly my dp started 24/7 since Then. in feb/March I started being in hospital because hyperarousel started and in order to change my ad to Wellbutrin/bupropion (only for five weeks), then to mirtazapin. To stabilize me docs put me on lorazepam and quetiapine. When i cut lorazepam after fast taper (took it less than two months, also some days zopiclone) to 0 mg i got bedridden because of severe withdrawl (fluelike, then akathisia extremely bad, being out of my mind). Switch to diazepam didn‘t help. in hospital we started to cut 3,5 mg diazepam by 0,5 mg and hyperarousel and insomnia went through the roof. I freaked out. Updose diazepam to 4 mg didn‘t help. I never slept a minute since. In fact after putting me on 1 mg lorazepam once and back to 4 and then 15 mg diazepam didn‘t help at all. After getting again from lorazepam back to diazepam I could not close my eyes one seconds for many days, not at night, never and I had to lie with my legs elevated because I felt like fainting and vertigo nonstop. I went crazy that June/July. Doc had just put me up to 45 mg mirtazapin which made akathisia worse. I could not walk into the hospital I was crawling!. Severe pain. They upped me from 200 to 400 mg quetiapine and 50 mg levomepromazine. This helped. Since then I tapered all these meds all the Time chaotically although I knew of 10% rules. My bloodpressure was and is very low that I had to stabilize it by keeping me in constant withdrawl. Silly. My hyperarousel has gotten a lot worse since reducing my meds and akathisia and anhedonia also. The flue started about two months ago. Sorry again, but this is hell. 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
powerback Posted December 27, 2018 Share Posted December 27, 2018 27 minutes ago, Tanha said: I looove Jane Austen but cannot read it because of brainfog and anhedonia. I tried so often so hard. It breaks my heart. Have you thought of Audio books ,close the eyes and listen ,when I'm bad I like to listen to documentaries under the covers . Alcohol free since February 2015 1MG diazepam 4.5MG PROZAC. Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 27, 2018 Author Share Posted December 27, 2018 dear @powerback good idea closing eyes is a Problem. I panic. I cannot even listen to music. brainfog and akathisia. i‘d love To read or hear Jane Austen miss it all so much. this fluelike state is really bad, same the anhedonia. I go for walks in nature if possible. watching tv is not possible. I get totally stressed but I try it again and again if one day ... My my wife used to read to me. We both loved that a lot. 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
powerback Posted December 27, 2018 Share Posted December 27, 2018 Just now, Tanha said: dear @powerback good idea closing eyes is a Problem. I panic. I cannot even listen to music. i‘d love To read or hear Jane Austen miss it all so much. this fluelike state is really bad, same the anhedonia. I go for walks in nature if possible. My my wife used to read to me. We both loved that a lot. Itl come back to you some day ,ive had severe noise sensitivity on and off for more than 2 years . Love my nature walks also ,they've stopped the last 6 months during my sickest. External health issues have exacerbated my situation hugely . Take care. Alcohol free since February 2015 1MG diazepam 4.5MG PROZAC. Link to comment
Tanha Posted December 27, 2018 Author Share Posted December 27, 2018 I dearly hope that holding doses for a while will make the terrible flue go away. I hope anhedonia lessens soon. 2010-2018 sertralin, venlafaxin, cymbalta 120 mg, march bupropio, Lorazepam 4 to 0,5 mg qetiapine 200-400 mg Apr mirtazapin 30 - 45 mg, lo tapered, to 0; Apr switch to diazepam 3 mg; jun/jul 15mg, taper to approx. 4,5 mg, Aug: 200 to 400 mg q, 50 mg levomepromazine, m 45 to 30 mg; since tapered q 400-230 mg, m 30 to 15 mg, 1dez m to 16 mg, 4dez 250 mg q, 31. dec 200 mg q March 1, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,5 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 3, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,0 mg diazepam, 16 mg mirtazapine March 4, 2019 - 200 mg quetiapine, 4,2 mg diazepam,16 mg mirtazapine, june 5, 2019 - 100 mg quetiapine, 3 mg Diazepam, 12,185 mg mirtazapine Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now