Tanha: never stabilize under diazepam but want to taper

[Tanha]

Dear admins,

 

i am really sorry for my panicky reaction to my mistake. 

i know that you are volunteers. 

 

Please, only help me in a way that is convenient for you. 

I am in bad hyperarousel all day.

I didn‘t mean to stress anybody. 

 

Brainfog sucks.

 

I am really sorry

 

tanha

[Tanha]

3. jan

 

9:30 pm     heartbeating, stiff neck, 

                    arousel, ruminating, airhunger

 night.         broken sleep

 

 

 

4. Jan

 

5 am.          woke, arousel

6 am.          sore throat, flue, severely 

                    anhedonic, depressed

                    diarrhea, disconnected, 

                    anxiety, no will, physically

                    awful, mental akathisia, stiff

                    stiff neck,

7:30.am.    Cucumber, tomatoe

                    50 mg quetiapine     

                    1 mg diazepam

                    Vitamin d

8 am.          burning chest, bad flue, sick,

                    burning skin, feel awful

                    150 mg magnesiumcitrate

                    no normal life possible with 

                    this, sore throat, exhausted, 

                    akathisia, mild nausea, 

                    desperate, arousl, sedated

                    out of my mind

                   meat, salad

 

this amount of sickness, being physically unwell and painful anhedonia and arousel and akathisia is not bearable. 

Honeymoon is over, back to misery. I don‘t know how to survive this.

[Tanha]

Dear @Altostrata

 

i just notice that i was not precise how I wrote down my daily dosages. 

 

Since many weeks the nightdose has been split:

approx. 8:45/50 pm quetiapine 

apperx. 9:20/30 pm diazepam. 

 

Shall i continue like this?

 

today my fatigue and pressure on chest is very severe. 

 

Severe fatigue means for example I go to gymnastics (if I can at all) and the body and the mind are so much like lead that I cannot move or think, yet somehow I can. It is really bad, it really feels like I cannot do anything, not even lying on bed. At the same time I have akathisia and arousel which tears me apart. I am feeling very very debilitated and sick as hell. And like getting out of my mind caused by this.

i call it deathly fatigue. Flu is less intense. 

Brainfog of course.

fatigue tends to get better in the afternoon but I cannot Rest a minute because feel so sick and agitated (mentally).

[Tanha]

How does prolonged qt-interval feel like?

How do heartpalpitations feel?

 

I can only say it feels lifethreatening for 30-45 minutes, severe, physical, Indescribable. 

It might have something to do with arousel and fatigue happening at the same time or switching inbetween

and a numb and tight pressure in/on the whole chest. I don‘t feel sick, no nausea, not heartracing, nothing i could focus on. No panic at all. 

Breathing seems to be difficult but isn‘t. 

 

Is this wd and/or do I need to do something? 

 

My anxiety and arousel is much higher these days. I have fatigue and arousel parallel or switching during the day since the last cut quetiapine. 

 

Since on meds my bloodpressure is constantly too low which gives me great trouble (95/60)

Could also be low bloodpressure!?

I am on three bad breaks!

i am not dizzy. 

It only started after the last cut of quetiapine. It is intense. 

walking makes it a bit easier to bar. 

I drink a lot.

 

I have low bloodpressure but during diazepamreductions (small reductions) I got bad and persistent too fast heartrate. I didn‘t make it so taper failed 5 times inone year always tapering no faster than 0,5 mg diazepam in 10 days. 

 

[Tanha]

Dear @Altostrata

 

I really have to get into gear confronting me with normal life. I am not doing well in doing so after 10 months in hospitals. 

Getting back into emotions is difficult due to anhedonia and arousel alternating and due to hospitalization. Every tiny emotion I have walking back into a real life is much too intense resulting in breakdown or dissociation/Depersonalisation, numbing of emotions. I try hard to go into shops or do anything new.

 

The new symptoms of increased arousel all day, increased anxiety all day, severe fatigue the whole morning, bad anhedonia and now this strange new symptom which feels like dying (chestsensation?) makes things more complicated.i need no easy pill but I cannot „Rest in bed for very much longer“. 

I need to be able to bear normal emotions without dissociating all the time in order to learn to get into normal daily situations like cleaning the house or go shopping, watch tv or read news(which all I bearly can only for a few minutes or talk on the phone, washing myself, do some planning of any kind which I am not able to do far - too upsetting). 

I know an do a lot in terms of coping strategies. I know an do dbt very well, have chili and ammonia with me all the time, do calm breathing as far as akathisia allows this. 

It seems anhedonia allows me only a few moments, an hour at longest to have something like emotions to relearn them. It is always too overwhelming.

 

How to go about the new symptoms after last cut of quetiapine:

 

I have my ecg checked every 4 weeks.

But the doctors don’t read them. I am in hospital and they are in my file.

 

Does it make sense to take a picture and send them or the latest to you? I cannot ask a cardiologist about it because I am in hospital! 

Or would it be better to wait and observe symptoms?

i want to do what ever scares me the least in terms of diagnostics.

Too much or too little could be bad.

 

I know that my pulse/heartrate went crazy with the first five attempts to reduce diazepam by 0,5 mg in summer. Total insomnia and feeling like fainting virtually every seconde of the day and Night, constantly keeping eyes open for days. Did not sleep due to this for two weeks at all. Not a minute. Was trying to get from 3,5 mg diazepam to 3 mg a couple of times. These were the worst withdrawals ever for me. 

 

I have a very low bloodpressure since on the meds. 

my heartrate is only slightly out of proportion right now but then for long. But this terrible new sensation minimum twice a day like pressure in chest and dying is really severe. 

Severe fatigue and arousel and anxiety are happening a lot throughout the day since the last cut, parallel or alternating. 

 

I drink a lot.

[Altostrata]

What symptoms have CHANGED since your last reduction of Seroquel?

 

Please don't be looking in your chart for new symptoms to report.

 

If you have changed your drug schedule, please post it WITH THE DOSAGES you're taking.

[Tanha]

I found a study saying that hypokalemia can cause arousel. 

 

And

 

hypomagnesia and hypokalemia can cause qt prolongation. 

 

Well there are other causes of course, many pschymeds, ad‘s, ap‘s,...

 

my potassium is ok, yet (4,1).

[Tanha]

35 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

What symptoms have CHANGED since your last reduction of Seroquel?

 

Please don't be looking in your chart for new symptoms to report.

 

If you have changed your drug schedule, please post it WITH THE DOSAGES you're taking.

Dear @Altostrata

I haven‘t changed drugs or doses, I just forgot to tell you that I have taken quetiapine and diazepam nightdoses approx.. half an hour apart. This has been happening for many weeks. I cannot correct old daily dosages but wanted you to know. 

I will also correct the notes from now on. 

[Altostrata]

Do you feel better or worse after your last quetiapine reduction?

[Tanha]

Dear @Altostrata

 

changes after last last reduction of quetiapine (235 to 211 mg):

 

I fear to say so soon that anything is better (also having diazepammistake in mind) but:

 

better (but could be due to honeymoon directly after each cut):

flue milder, less nausea, midday flue changed timing into the morning,

real window around 10 am since yesterday,

physical akathisia better,

feeling of no musclecontrol worse directly after cut but much better today

more appetite

as before things tend to get better in the evening

Earringing was worse directly after cut (or Diazepam mistake), now better

Longing for life

 

worse:

lightsensitive eyes, 

feeling really physically crappy 6-10 am (flue, sore throat, disconnected, anhedonic, burning chest)

(used to be between 11 am and 2 pm)

 

really severe fatigue and/or extreme hyperarousel during the morning

(fatigue worst around 9:30). Never had fatigue before

fatigue and arousel can happen at the same time or alternate

(but cannot rest at all during the day because of arousel and akathisia,

 

closing eyes got worse again (panic)

 

much more hyperarousel Spikes and overall increase in arousel during the day (even in the evening. New!)

 

overall increase in anxiety almost all day and more anxiety spikes, not always in the morning

 

more heartrate spikes during the day

 

Absolutely new Symptome happening more and more during the day:

difficult to say which organ/bodypart is affected (chest) but it is definitely a physical sensation and extremely severe but not too long at a time (max 40 min), feels fatal like if inside an empty chest a numb terrible exhaustion takes place, pressure on chest, burning chest, no panic!

 

(not every day) but never before:

incredible disorientation (cannot recognize where I am or how I got here), 

better the last two days

 

no feelings almost all day feeling evermore disconnected yet better today

 

anhedonia more persistent but not as painful

 

Heartbeating Late at Night (not bad)

 

[Tanha]

5 days since last cut of quetiapine

1 month and 2 weeks after last cut mirtazapine

71 days since cutting levomepromazine to zero

9 months since ct cymbalta and promethazine and Wellbutrin

 

 

3. jan

 

9:30 pm     heartbeating, stiff neck, 

                    arousel, ruminating,  

                    airhunger

 night.         broken sleep

 

 

 

4. Jan

211,5 mg quetiapine 

 

5 am.          woke, arousel

6 am.          sore throat, flue, severely 

                    anhedonic, depressed

                    diarrhea, disconnected, 

                    anxiety, no will, physically

                    awful, mental akathisia,

                    stiff neck, diarrhea

7:30.am.    Cucumber, tomatoe,

                    hempprotein, oats

                    50 mg quetiapine     

                    1 mg diazepam

                    Vitamin d

                    150 mg magnesiumcitrate

8 am.          burning chest, bad flue, sick,

                    burning skin, feel awful

                    no normal life possible with 

                    this, sore throat, exhausted, 

                    akathisia, mild nausea, 

                    desperate, arousel, sedated,

                    out of my mind

                    meat, salad

8:30 am.    bad flue, akathisia, mild

                    nausea, arousel, pressure on 

                    chest, burning chest, no

                    feeling

                    anhedonia, sedated, very

                    sick, 

                    airhunger, cannot rest

8:50 am.     no stiff neck, dry mouth,

                     bellymuscle tightens, 

9 am.          difficulty breathing, severe

                    fatigue and arousel,

                    akathisia, airhungeR, 

9:30 am.    severe fatigue

10:15 am.  severe pressure on chest, 

                    like a cannot live any longer

                    physically, difficulty breathing

                    musclecontrol good, less

                    flue,

                    feels like dying, loosing

                    control, empty chest

                    less fatigue, chest burn

10:35 am.   fatigue and flue better but it

                     feels like I am not surviving

                     this day physically,

                     anhedonia 

                     akathisia, no feelings 

11 am.         Noni juice

11-12 am.   All well, feelings too much

noon.           meat, potatoe, eggs,

                     spinache

                     48 mg quetiapine.

                     1,5 mg diazepam

                     hyperarousel too bad, 

12:20 am.   burning skin, bad

                     hyperousel,

                     mild anxiety

1:30 am.     arousel persistent until late 

                     almost bearable, more  

                     anxiety,

                     feelings too intense until    

                      2:30

1:50 am.     exhausted, fatigue and    

                     arousel

2:30 am.     Vitamine juice

                     150 mg magnesiumcitrate

2:40 am.     arousel more bearable, 

                     chestburn

3 pm.           hyperarousel unbearable,

                   again empty chest like dying,

                     pressure on chest

3:10 pm.     better, anxiety

3:40 pm.     much better, arousel

5 pm.           anxiety bad, hyperarousel

                     bad

5:30 pm.     meat, cucumber

                     hempprotein, oats

                     54,5 mg quetiapine              

                     1,5 mg diazepam

                     all bearable

6 pm.           arousel better

6:50 pm.      arousel bad

7-7:15 pm. again empty chest like dying

7:30 pm.      sweets and cake

                     150 mg magnesiumcitrat

8 pm.          again empty chest like dying

                     less intense until 8:30 pm

                     16 mirtazapine

                      heartbeating, arousel

                      heartrate 95 in bed

8:45 pm.      59 mg quetiapine (i have

                      taken this for many 

                      weeks always  at this time.

                      my older posts are wrong.)

9:20 pm.      arousel, heartbeating

                      airhunger, heartrate 95

9:40 pm.      1 mg diazepam (usually at 

                      9:20 pm for the last weeks)

                     

difference to to days before:

 

no morninganxiety

all day arousel until late night (unusual)

severe fatigue 8-10 am (and arousel)

more often the terrible empty chest like dying symptom (no panic)

not dizzy

appetite

longing for life

all day brainfog, akathisia mental, anhedonia

window 10 am - 2 pm with kind of emotions

muscle control better

[Tanha]

5. dec

 

5:30 am.  woke, arousel

6:30 am.  hyperarousel worse

 

 

Dear @Altostrata

the hyperarousel is now with me all day. I hope I survive this. 

Can‘t have a break, not even if I am severely fatigue.

 

this is getting worse.nothing helps.

things develope in a terrible way. 

 

Why is this hyperarousel getting so intense and persistent now? It is terrible. 

 

my situation seems to get close to as before they doubled my quetiapine and diazepam in July.

 

hope for some relief, soon. It is really bad. Cannot find a rest during the day. 

 

I hope the last cut was right.

I must think of getting rid of it all the time. like in July.. 

 

I am trying to ignore it all day but it is so persistent and intense. 

[Altostrata]

My guess is you are still having an adverse reaction to the drugs you're taking, probably quetiapine.

[Tanha]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

My guess is you are still having an adverse reaction to the drugs you're taking, probably quetiapine.

Thank you so much looking into this problem of mine. 

 

That would be a great thing if quetiapine is the cause. That means tapering can 

help.

I hope it is not Mirtazapin or diazepam.

 

I will do my best.

how can we keep this arousel bearable during such a long taper?

 

why is the hyperarousel getting so much as we go down with quetiapine? I was at exact the same point when I entered hospital in June (except akathisia was worse and Mirtazapin on 45 mg, Diazepam on 3,5 mg). I endured this for more than a month or more with no changes.

 

It s just extremely difficult to survive each day with that. 

 

i guess things can‘t get better, soon, because we have to cut slowly?

 

I really want to make this withdrawl work.

[Tanha]

I wish I would have more influence on other patients who start their first medication here in hospital or who get switched a lot from one to another. 

 

It is hard to see this medication-hell happening again and again and everybody gets somehow paralyzed by this. 

 

i see too many patients coming back again and again and it is so obvious that the pill might be there problem. But this context is not being given a thought at all. Why?

 

Not much I can do now.

[Tanha]

Dear @Altostrata

 

what has changed since last cut:

 

depression is going through the roof. 

That made my last cuts fail. 

It always got this severe after day 5 of a cut and last time I didn‘t make it past day 11.

 

I used to be very good at coping with depression before on meds. Had it all my life but this is another dimension.

 

I know it is part of getting my feelings back but I know the meds messed up with my neurotransmitters and hormones leaving me either with too much or too little stress. 

 

Am i wrong if I think that on SA there is a lot of communication about wd/side-effects of medication in a way that I think that people who had depression before taking meds are not so much represented on SA?

i fear that people with severe depression like me cannot make it in terms of withdrawl.

because living without meds was hard and one needs at least a will for wd. With depression like this I don‘t have a will, thus cannot succeed.

 

Peter Breggin would call this spellbinding (believe not to be able to live without meds as a sideeffects of the meds).

 

I know my spellbinding is to hide in hospital until „they made me heal“. I know it is false believe.

Yet I would have never believed depression could get this painful.

 

That is why SA is so important to get over the ill logic again and again during these tediously long withdrawals. 

 

i know that wd makes the depression worse. It is so terribly bad after I reduced mirtazapine and quetiapine since October that I think I don‘t gonna make it. Yet I have no other way but wd. 

[Tanha]

It is but a small step but ....

i feel hunger today first time in 8 months.

I am hungry!!!!

at last!

 

no hunger, no appetite before. I think this is a real good change.

[Tanha]

Grrr

symptom pingpong!

 

It seems one can only alternate between all the terrible symptoms.  

 

hyperarousel and anxiety altetnate with dark depression

 

physical symptoms to wd or meds cover or distract from mental symptoms and emotions

 

anhedonia alternates with depression or hyperarousel and too intense emotions

 

the only good thing in this is that my body is doing extreme things and thus telling me I am alive. 

 

But this is not „the alive“ I have in mind when I hope for improvement.

[Tanha]

Hell, 

my doc put me on 120 mg cymbalta and ct me in March last year.

 

i am so afraid that my body cannot heal from this and all the other meds

or that healing will be unbearable.

[Tanha]

i have a new terrible sensation that I cannot put into words. 

Can anybody help identify what this is?

 

it is physical but I cannot locate it in the body. It affects me mentally also.

I am not sure if is painful anhedonia, don‘t know if it is mental akathisia. 

I don‘t think it is depression. 

 

It feels like a pressing urge to do something to get relief from this (physical) symptom but don‘t know how.

 

I notice that during this sensation I dare not to put my smartphone aside and stop reading anything, desperately. 

I cannot cope with this not distracting my mind every second. I cannot confront me with this sensation by not doing anything. Sounds like bad akathisia? Or a mix of akathisia with some unknown physical emptiness and pain?

 

cannot close eyes or rest for a second. 

 

it feels like numbed hyperarousel and dying, like an empty-chest-pain,

strangely numbed emotions

 

It is stroooooong. It is baaaaad. It is new. 

 

Sometimes it comes with severe desorientientation and severe disconnectedness. Sometimes it comes with chestburn or fatigue. 

It can last for hours or much shorter.

 

it definitely has nothing to do with panicattacks.

No emotions with it, not consciously.

 

It started after the last cut of quetiapine or I didn‘t notice it before. I would say it just started. I have it several times a day and nothing can distract me except pacing helps a bit. 

 

Normally nature distracts me. Not with this. This is very deep inside me and feels like killing me from deep inside. 

 

Is this mental akathisia?

 

i am really afraid of this in combination with stronger feelings coming back.

[Tanha]

I had a window from 2 pm to 3:20 pm. 

Feel really crappy but had no dp! This is rare. 

This happens after and before the most severe depression and disconnection.

 

we have to endure so much. Grrrrr

[eymen23]

5 minutes ago, Tanha said:

I had a window from 2 pm to 3:20 pm. 

Feel really crappy but had no dp! This is rare. 

This happens after and before the most severe depression and disconnection.

 

we have to endure so much. Grrrrr

 

I’m glad you are having some small signs of relief Tanha. I follow your posts here and I’m really praying you get more of it soon. 

[Tanha]

20 minutes ago, eymen23 said:

 

I’m glad you are having some small signs of relief Tanha. I follow your posts here and I’m really praying you get more of it soon. 

Thank you so much.

 

it will be such a Long way, though.

 

you and everybody on SA mean so much to me 

 

do you know baylissa frerick? She helps people in the uk with encouragement being a survivor herself.

Edited January 5, 2019 by Tanha
Baylissa

[eymen23]

2 minutes ago, Tanha said:

Thank you so much.

 

it will be such a Long way, though.

 

you and everybody on SA mean so much to me 

 

You will get there, I believe it. I know you’re going through so much, but I’m honestly inspired by your resolve to hang in there and get better! 

[Tanha]

2 minutes ago, eymen23 said:

 

You will get there, I believe it. I know you’re going through so much, but I’m honestly inspired by your resolve to hang in there and get better! 

Do you know baylissa frerick? She helps people in the uk with encouragement being a survivor herself.

 

[eymen23]

10 minutes ago, Tanha said:

Do you know baylissa frerick? She helps people in the uk with encouragement being a survivor herself.

 

 

I’ve watched some her videos. I believe she came off of Benzos and now helps others. She’s also very motivating, and it just proves that we can heal! 

[Tanha]

11 minutes ago, eymen23 said:

 

I’ve watched some her videos. I believe she came off of Benzos and now helps others. She’s also very motivating, and it just proves that we can heal! 

She did not only come off bento and has been bedridden (without being able to even lift her head due to dizziness). 

 

Yes, she believes in healing also because she has been and is in contact with soooo many slowly healing people. 

[Tanha]

Dear @Altostrata

 

i am sorry about my post about Communication about Depression on SA. I read so much on SA for so long and thought i could say something like „not-wd-induced depression“ is not happening enough on SA.

 

I actually can only say that I am scared that my doctors opinion is true that my depression is treatment resistant. I do not believe this crap, never did, but it scares me. And that i am searching SA to fuel this fear. 

No good! 

 

Like you I suffered from severe depression since my youth. Before starting meds at age 38 i accomplished quite a bit to get myself out of this terrible anhedonia and depression in a way that made life really being full of enjoyable moments. It took me many years. I made myself an extremely positive person living still with depression.

And that fuels my fear not being able to get back to this state also because I could only develope it by hard work over 30 years. I fear that this accomplishment having gotten me out of deep darkness and anhedonia by myself very successfully is being destroyed by unnecessary meds and subsequent withdrawals. 

 

Cbt and dbt are extremely effective coping strategies (I really do believe in these very much) but for me at the moment I cannot get in touch with these although I have been trained in dbt thoroughly. 

Emotional anesthesia and year long wd are a totally different story than being able to work on natural emotions. 

One needs a certain level of functionality for therapy and ct and wd made this impossible for a full year now. 

One needs a minimum of stresstolerance for therapy which I have to gain back before and during therapy. 

I am really coming from scratch now barely existing in a hospital bed with fresh sheets every week.

 

I am sad because I know now that I did not need these meds but a good therapist. Now I fear that ruminating insomnia is coming back once I free myself of these meds. 

 

Accomplishment 2.0:

i made it home again today. Tough but i made it again. I hope the „getting an appetite while you are eating“ is paying off a little sooner than i expect.

i feel nothing for my home but fear, alienation and emptiness so far.

It is terrible to see my cats or the fireplace and not feeling anything at all. Yet I must learn to be thankful to be able again to stand having a cat around. During summer I wasn‘t even able to endure this, nor could I touch them. And in early summer I could not have my wife even visit me. Too much, then.

It scares me that I can only think of meds all the time.

 

i am in a phase where I am stunned every minute how deeply these meds have impacted me. 

 

And i am soooo afraid that my stressregulation will not normalize enough to live at home again.

 

i cannot believe that I cannot watch tv at all. 

[powerback]

11 hours ago, Tanha said:

I wish I would have more influence on other patients who start their first medication here in hospital or who get switched a lot from one to another. 

 

It is hard to see this medication-hell happening again and again and everybody gets somehow paralyzed by this. 

 

i see too many patients coming back again and again and it is so obvious that the pill might be there problem. But this context is not being given a thought at all. Why?

 

Not much I can do now.

We can not control others ,worrying about other people that aren't even aware this mess we find ourselves in [not our fault] is harmful for you .stop all this thinking until you get yourself well .think you for know .

Use the compassion on yourself to be well.

give yourself permission to relax .

Take care.

[Altostrata]

"Depression" is a fairly common side effect of benzodiazepines.

 

Improvement in appetite is a good sign, your overdrugged state is decreasing with the decrease of Seroquel.

 

You will have to decide for yourself if you have perhaps developed a compulsive cell phone habit. Many people have this.

 

It is possible you didn't notice "depression" and had this interest in your cell phone before because you were so stupified with Seroquel.

 

Your daily notes in a list format, with time of day on the left and notation on the right, are more helpful than the stream-of-consciousness posts. When you have a question, please re-read your Intro topic again, I believe I've already answered them.

 

In 2 days, I might reduce to 200mg quetiapine per day.

[powerback]

On ‎1‎/‎4‎/‎2019 at 3:27 PM, Tanha said:

drink a lot.

Keep a log of how much .is it thirst why you drink so much or another reason .

If urine is clear its usually a sign you've enough fluids .

 

A long time ago I stopped drinking excessive  fluids for my dry mouth and got sugar free gum instead.

[Tanha]

Dear @Altostrata

 

thanx for help and honesty.

 

my arousel is going through the roof and yet I may taper? 

I am kind of glad to hear that.

 

I will stop the stream of conscioussness style. I know this is too much for anyone. Ulysses i did read years ago. Was tedious, of course, still much more entertaining than what I produce.

[Altostrata]

Please post in Relationships and social life for discussion of your relationship problems.

[Tanha]

6 days since last cut of quetiapine

1 month and 3 weeks after last cut mirtazapine

72 days since cutting levomepromazine to zero

10 months since ct cymbalta and promethazine and Wellbutrin

 

 

4. jan

 

7:30 pm     milder: numb pressure on

                    chest like dying, empty

                    chest

 9:50 pm.   heartrate 95, strong. 

                    Heartracing, heartbeating 

night.          No broken sleep

 

 

 

5. Jan

211,5 mg quetiapine 

 

5:30 am.     woke, hyperarousel 

6 am.          bad arousel, 

                    diarrhea, desperate

                    no flue, no sore throat

                    only little anxiety

7:30.am.    Cucumber, meat,

                    hempprotein, oats

                    50 mg quetiapine     

                    1 mg diazepam

                    Vitamin d

                    150 mg magnesiumcitrate

8:50 am.    no flue, no sick,

                    feel  physically crappy

                    hyperarousel                   

9:18 am.    no fatigue, mental akathisia,

                    Little less arousel,

                    bad eyes, eyes lightsensitive,

                    despair, irrational thoughts,

                    severe negative physical  

                    pressure (not depression)

10:20 am.  Depression through the  

                    roof (really bad bad),

                    less arousel (or no)

11 am.       Noni juice

11:30 am.  Depression better, hungry 

                    (new)

noon.           vegetablesoup

                     48 mg quetiapine.

                     1,5 mg diazepam

                     akathisia worse, arousel, 

                     negative emotional/physical

                     pressure/urge to do

                     something for relief 

                     empty chest like dying but

                     less intense

12:50 am.   akathisia worse, pressure

                     on chest, physically feeling 

                     crappy, bad vision

1 pm.           badly want to jump out of

                     my  skin, like numbed 

                     arousel

                     heartbeating 

1:05 pm.     more hyperarousel, mental

                     akathisia bad, severe urge 

                     to  get physical relief (don‘t

                     know

                     from what but unbearable),

                     cannot Rest my mind for

                     a minute

1:45 pm.     little better, bad anhedonia, 

                     eyes bad, dp, disorientation,

                     disconnected (intense)

1:55 pm.      better but no emotions,

                     anhedonia

2 pm.           Vitamine juice

                     150 mg magnesiumcitrate

2:30 am.     feeling physically really

                     ugly, intense, 

                     less dp

2:45 pm.     no dp! almost feeling normal

                     emotions,  physically  really

                     crappy (no flue, no nausea)

3 pm.           disconnected, no interest

                     sweets, chocolate

3:25 pm       hyperarousel, heartpoundng

                     feeling really crappy

                     mild pressure on chest

4:20 pm.     more arousel, anhedonia,

                     no feelings

5;30 pm.     fried fish

                     54,5 mg quetiapine              

                     1,5 mg diazepam

                     arousel just bearable 

                     (looking at cats stresses)

                     no feelings

6 pm.           arousel bearable but doing 

                     anything feels like too much 

                     stress all day, want to jump

                     out of my skin, less

                     akathisia, less crappy

6:50 pm.     urge to jump out of my skin,

                     heartpunding, could rest  

                     some minutes! 

                     arousel

7 pm.           raw beetroot salad, spicy

                     arousel

7:40 pm.     heart is jumping out of body

8:30 pm.     16 mirtazapine

                     heartpounding, hyperarousel

                     still too much

9 pm            arousel better

9:30 pm.     59 mg quetiapine

10 pm.        1 mg diazepam,

                     150 mg magnesiumcitrate

                     egg, hempprotein

                     chocolate

                     mild arousel, heartbeating

 

difference to the days before:

 

no morninganxiety

all day arousel until late night

no fatigue 

often but much less intense empty chest like dying symptom (no panic)

not dizzy

hungry first time since May

worse akathisia mental, anhedonia

window 11 am - 1 pm with kind of emotions but physically crappy

muscle control better

very severe depression spike

feeling physically very crappy

want to jump out of skin often 

less dp

no interest/will at all

severe urge to get physical relief from something

mild anxiety all day

lightsensitive eyes, impaired vision

no sore throat

no nausea

[Tanha]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

In 2 days, I might reduce to 200mg quetiapine per day.

which of the Daily doses may I cut best

by 11,5 mg?

 

morning 50 mg

noon 48 mg

evening 54,5 mg

night 59 mg

[Altostrata]

evening and night. Please put times of day on your drug schedule.