Tanha: never stabilize under diazepam but want to taper

[JanCarol]

Would you be able to get the seroquel prolong?

 

Anytime you break open the prolong tablets, it becomes immediate release.

Here's what I see:  Nighttime dose is 50 mg seroquel prolong (plus enough broken tablet to make up the rest of your dose), and then we can start tapering the morning dose.

 

Try and negotiate with your doctors - say you are too sedated in the daytime, and would like Seroquel prolong at night, and then you will easily be able to start tapering your morning dose.

 

So you reduced your quetiapine again?  From 235 to 211 mg?  Yesterday?   Spread across all of your doses?

 

Let's hold there for at least 2 weeks, but I would like your next reduction to come off of ONE dose, the morning dose, your first dose of the day.

 

The goal is to eliminate the sedatives from your daytime, so that you can be more functional.

 

Let us know how this reduction goes, please?  And please update your signature - we need to be kept current about how you are dosing.

[Tanha]

I only have my I phone. 

 

How do I get to my Signatur?

 

i am afraid of seroquel prolong. 

Would that really help? 

Did you mean I can also cut that, too? really?

 

i don‘teven know if it is a tablet or capsule.

 

i read so much about it being difficult to taper and bad on the organs.

I am almost terrified by any change. 

 

 

I know that a dose around 200 mg quetiapine is no good for my arousel because I was around that dose for quite a while in early summer. I will have to endure this terrible arousel and hope it will get better at a much lower dose. 

 

Yes I reduced every dose by 10 %.

i thought it was necessary to have an even distributionduring the day to maintain bloodstream levels stable?

Edited January 1, 2019 by Tanha

[Tanha]

I am so sick of not being able to relax a minute during the day due to arousel and akathisia. Now it is even more difficult because of being tired all day.

sorry for repeating myself.

[Tanha]

It is good to hear from people who survived this hel.

[Tanha]

I can get seroquel prolong.

[Tanha]

Dear @Altostrata

do need to separate my drugdose (Diazepam and quetiapine) or can that wait? I am afraid of this of course and addicted to both drugs.

But if it helps reduce fatigue I will make myself go this step. 

 

what do you think of seroquel prolong? I wish we could make it without this for now but sedation is really intense,  during the whole morning worst. Yet it is a very new symptom but severe.

 

What I do not mention in my daily patterns:

 

anxiety is raised throughout every day for a week now and virtually all year a problem. I never had this before wd.

 

Brainfog, bad cognition and akathisia (often more mental) and dp are with me all day for a long time now 24/7.

 

diarrhea is with me since April, never improves.

 

My eysight has gone bad a couple of weeks ago. I cannot focus.

 

i have worst anhedonia and no feelings at all but fear since 262 mg quetiapine and/or16 mg mirtazapin.

 

If I mention them in the daily notes they are particularly worse but in general they persist throughout the day.

 

i cannot stop loosing weight slowly. I am working on that with the therapist but it is getting more and more difficult.

 

i never ever had any hunger or appetite since April.

 

low bloodpressure due to the medication has been diagnosed during levomepromazine taper in autumn.

did not get better since.

[Tanha]

I have a problem

 

we wanted to only reduce quetiapine which I did. 

Now because I went home for the weekend and the nurse prepared diazepam with water in syringes for 2 days with 3 doses (and there might have been made a fault by the nurse in not shaking water and diazepam before putting it into the syringes) i might have gotten four times too less diazepam. But I don‘t know. Only suspecting.

 

problem is that we cannot tell if the symptoms these days are due to the reduction of quetiapine or the possible diazepam mistake. Last cut quetiapine 31.dec. (Is this cut worthless now for the records in order to find out patterns of dymptoms?)

 

i am also very afraid of the diazepam also getting paradoxical because downing and upping doses is no good. 

Since yesterday evening I went back to regular doses. Was that a mistake, too because it might be an updoseevent?

 

I also had reduced magnesium.

 

since an hour ago I have a ridiculesly high anxiety of unknown cause. Unbearable.

 

can I do anything now except trying to survive this? 

 

I react really bad to 0,5 mg cuts of diazepam

 

and I cut quetiapine aggressively every two weeks. 

How can we stabilize things 

 

and how can we get a clean daily pattern of the symptoms caused only by quetiapinereduction ?

[Tanha]

Went for a long walk and could be angry

does that count as „feelings“ are coming back? Grrrrr

whrn i wished to have my emotions back I meant something like pleasure or joy. 

Instead it is more like running away from emotions if they pitch up. No good, I know. 

 

After every dosereduction of quetiapine i always had two days of honeymoon. So not alltogether a good development. Grrrr 

 

[Tanha]

15 days since last cut of quetiapine

1 month and 2 weeks after last cut mirtazapine

68 days since cutting levomepromazine to zero

9 months since ct cymbalta and promethazine

 

 

1. Jan

211,5 quetiapine

 

5 am.        woke, arousel,

                  fatigue, sick, very unwell

7:30 pm.   50 mg quetiapine      

                  1 mg diazepam

                  150 mg magnesiumcitrate,

                  Vitamine d

                  meat, cucumber, oats,

                  hempprotein,

8:30 am.  dry mouth

9 am.        fatigue extreme all morning, 

                   very sedated, flue,

                   Milder lack of musclecontrol

                   Anhedonia, depressed, ,

                   No feelings, mild akathisia,

                   very dizzy, Stuffed head and

                   brainfog all day, diarrhea 

11:30 am. Mild nausea, flue all day

                   but milder 

11:30 am. Noni juice

noon.        pork, potatoe

                  48 mg quetiapine        

                  1,5 mg diazepam

                  150 mg magnesiumcitrate

12:40.        anxiety, anhedonia, cannot

                   close eyes (panic, akathisia)

2 pm.         eyes bad, dizzy, akathisia,

                   feeling of no musclecontrol     

                   but not as bad, anxiety,    

                   earringing milder, 

                   feeling like low bloodpressure

2:30 pm.   Vitamine juice

                   150 mg magnesiumcitrate

                   akathisia

3:45 pm.   emotionally blunt but anxiety

                   brainfog all day

4:30 pm.    mental akathisia, anxiety

5:30 pm.    anxiety crisis until 7 pm

                    meat, oats, hempprotein

                    sweets

                    54,5 mg quetiapine     

                    1,5 mg diazepam

6:45 pm.    loads of anxiety but no crisis,

                    angry, depressed

7 pm.         150 mg magnesiumcitrate,

                    depressed, anhedonia,

                    akathisia slightly better,

                    less anxiety, eating sweets

8 pm.         16 mg mirtazapine

9:30 pm.    59 mg quetiapine    

                    1 mg diazepam

 

 

compared to days before:

 

(Honeymoon always two days after a cut)

 

fatigue debiliating during whole morning, appetite better, all day more anxiety, at 5 pm unusual anxiety crisis (due to change, mistake with medication or magnesium?), 

not closing eyes during the day is an old symptom from diazepamwithdrawl, 

flue since noon much better, brainfog bad, less feeling of lack of musclecontrol, slight anger, more depressed

[Altostrata]

On 12/31/2018 at 6:10 AM, Tanha said:

....

i cut quetiapine by 10% today from 235 to 211,5 mg.

 

Morning 50 mg

noon 48 mg

evening 54,5 mg

night 59 mg. 

 

Hope to survive this after only two weeks of holding. Don‘t even know how a managed to cut and weight the new doses (maths has been done by my Wife).

 

what do you think of taking quetiapine and Diazepam apart?

how much time inbetween? I have to take diazepam to doctors regime 4 times a day. 

I am very afraid of the fatigue getting worse but also of the possibility to make more mistakes taking the drugs properly at too many different times a day. My brainfog and cognition is really bad.

 

but if taking apart would make things better I would talk to the doctors getting diazepam less often. At the moment I fear that though.

 

Taking quetiapine and diazepam apart might be helpful but you're taking them 4 times a day, so there's not a lot of room to move them around.

 

Since you just reduced to 211.5mg Seroquel,  we need to see the effect for at least a couple of weeks before changing anything else. DO NOT MOVE DOSING AROUND during this observation period.

 

For your next reduction, it may make sense to make each of your 4 Seroquel doses 50mg for a daily total of 200mg, This will be easier for you to measure. Then, you can switch to Seroquel Prolonged, which should come in 50mg tablets. You can gradually move the last 3 to one evening dose. This will separate Seroquel from the diazepam for 3 of your 4 doses.

 

If it looks like you should continue to reduce Seroquel, at daily dose of 200mg, you can reduce the 50mg immediate-release tablet while taking 150mg in prolonged-release.

 

Of course, throughout this process, you must keep daily dosing and symptom notes.

 

11 hours ago, Tanha said:

....

I know that a dose around 200 mg quetiapine is no good for my arousel because I was around that dose for quite a while in early summer. I will have to endure this terrible arousel and hope it will get better at a much lower dose. 

 

Yes I reduced every dose by 10 %.

i thought it was necessary to have an even distributionduring the day to maintain bloodstream levels stable?

 

The condition of your nervous system now is different from your nervous system 6 months ago.

 

Because you take an ascending dosage of Seroquel, your bloodstream level changes throughout the day. Because you take higher doses at night, the level in your bloodstream is HIGHER at night. This may be why it doesn't help you sleep.

 

Cutting 10% across all 4 doses reduces the daily load by 10%. That's okay. You need to monitor the result of this change.

 

1 hour ago, Tanha said:

I have a problem

 

we wanted to only reduce quetiapine which I did. 

Now because I went home for the weekend and the nurse prepared diazepam with water in syringes for 2 days with 3 doses (and there might have been made a fault by the nurse in not shaking water and diazepam before putting it into the syringes) i might have gotten four times too less diazepam. But I don‘t know. Only suspecting.

 

problem is that we cannot tell if the symptoms these days are due to the reduction of quetiapine or the possible diazepam mistake. Last cut quetiapine 31.dec. (Is this cut worthless now for the records in order to find out patterns of dymptoms?)

 

i am also very afraid of the diazepam also getting paradoxical because downing and upping doses is no good. 

Since yesterday evening I went back to regular doses. Was that a mistake, too because it might be an updoseevent?

 

I also had reduced magnesium.

 

since an hour ago I have a ridiculesly high anxiety of unknown cause. Unbearable.

 

can I do anything now except trying to survive this? 

 

I react really bad to 0,5 mg cuts of diazepam

 

and I cut quetiapine aggressively every two weeks. 

How can we stabilize things 

 

and how can we get a clean daily pattern of the symptoms caused only by quetiapinereduction ?

 

Exactly how much diazepam did the nurse put in the syringes? I don't understand "four times too less."

 

If your diazepam dosage has varied, that will affect your daily symptom pattern and obscure the results of the Seroquel reduction. You will need to note how much of each drug you're taking every day and track your symptoms throughout the day as usual.

 

Because diazepam has such a long half-life, you may not feel the effects of the dosage variation for several days or a week.

 

Quote

since an hour ago I have a ridiculesly high anxiety of unknown cause. Unbearable.

 

This might be because of the variation in diazepam dosage.

 

My guess is you are physiologically addicted to diazepam, and IN COMBINATION WITH SEROQUEL it may also be an excessive dose causing a paradoxical reaction. We have not suggested reducing diazepam. Do not change the diazepam dosing.

 

As your drug dosage is changed so often, your symptoms will also fluctuate. This postpones stabilization, which means a predictable symptom pattern. You will not stabilize until you get your drug schedule under control.

 

Since you got a look at your chart, did you identify the mystery pill? We need to know about that.

 

 

 

[Tanha]

Dear @Altostrata,

 

thank you for the very detailed and valuable information. It helps a lot to understand what is ahead of me in terms of systematic withdrawl. 

 

To answer your questions:

 

The mystery pill I do not get (yet). 

Is it still of interest? It would have been a sedating ad not going well with Mirtazapin. That is all I know. I cannot find out about it but it seems no issue for the doctors as long as I pretend to get better.

They made it clear that they will never give me the name of it! No chance.

 

i cannot tell what amount of diazepam has been wrong. I only know that it tasted very odd (Mouldy  eggs) (although it was apparently from exact the same bottle of diazepam).

And the nurse that was preparing it told me that she had made the single doses by pouring diazepam and water into a container (which from experience is not sufficient to mix them because the diazepam „falls and sticks“ to the bottom) and then sucked it into the syringe only after a very gentle stirr . (which I know and she knows is too gentle to get an even distribution at all). 

A pharmacist told me diazepam would not evaporate through plastic. I don‘t know if it changes pharmacokinetics being in water over night. It says on the bottle „do not mix with water“ but the nurses always do that (normally freshly). 

I cannot get a prescription while inpatient.

i cannot go home for the weekends if we don‘t solve this properly. The nurses are quite uneasy that I don‘t accept diazepampills for going home because we are not tapering anyway. I cannot switch betwern diazepam pills and liquid all the time. Impossible and i do not switch from the liquid to anything. That was too hard to come from lorazepam to diazepam. I cannot cope with that! 

 

Any any idea how long I can used liquid diazepam? I have a bottle at home but I fear after 9 months not using it staying in the cupboard it could have gone off. 

Anybody knows about this? Would make things easier!

 

 

We are talking about 3 doses on dec 30 and 2 doses on dec 31. (each 1 or 1,5 mg) that might have been partially wrong due to not mixing water and diazepam well enough before. The nurse admitted that this could have Happend. 

 

I absolutely do keep dosages stable now. That’s why I am so angry about the diazepamissue. Usually I make more mistakes than the nurses.

My wife also made the Daily pillpreparing easier (she prepared many containers with single doses and put them into an foolproof order in my cupboard).

. 

 

„if it looks like you should continue to reduce Seroquel, at daily dose of 200mg, you can reduce the 50mg immediate-release tablet while taking 150mg in prolonged-release.“

 

Seroquel prolong:

Did i get it right that this only works until we have reduced seroquel by 50 mg  and then need to switch another prolong-pill back to immediate release in order to cut the dose slowly? Or can one cut the prolonged version also in tiny increments? 

My body hates switching pill-types or brands. I suffered greatly when we converted 8 mg levomepromazine into liquid. I thought I would die. 

... but than again we talk about years to survive withdrawl functioning hopefully better than I do now - with less severe fatigue. Ugh.

 

what do the prolong users tell about fatigue?

Does it help?

 

I read a lot that it is more difficult to withdraw seroquel prolong (is this true?). 

I somehow hope to avoid seroquel prolong 

but all you said about it sounds very sensible. And the fatigue is not manageable. 

 

Did I get it right that I must convince my doctors either in hospital or at home after my hospitalstay to prescribe both, immediaterelease and prolong quetiapine?

sounds impossible. They would not do that and using all the (so far) collected „used“ pills is dangerous because they are getting old and I had them in the mouth for a short while and they have not been sealed in a blister for so long. I think one should not use these.

 

actually there are medical guidelines in Germany that do not allow the use of immediateresponse quetiapine for outpatient treatment for depression (only for psychosis which I don‘t have).  I only got it because I pretended that seroquel prolong makes me vomit. That is not convincing if I ask for both versions.

i haven‘t found a doctor helping with withdrawl. They actually get really angry when I start this topic of slow taper. I asked a few of them and had to wait always around 6 months in order to get an appointment. Very difficult, rural area. 

All of them really got angry at me for even asking and then I could even present full blown akathisia!. My wife has been so shocked by this, too. We are two polite, sensible middleaged women! What is wrong with theses doctors? 

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

Because you take an ascending dosage of Seroquel, your bloodstream level changes throughout the day. Because you take higher doses at night, the level in your bloodstream is HIGHER at night. This may be why it doesn't help you sleep.

I believe it does help me sleep, though. But maybe I am wrong. I do sleep a chemical sleep from 10 pm to 5 am. I did not sleep at all in June  (acute diazepamwithdrawl), not even after an updose from 4 to 15 mg diazepam helped. i was on 200 mg quetiapine and 45 mg mirtazapine at that time,too.only the updose from 200 to400 mg Quetiapine and 50 mg Neurocil made me sleep again after weeks of no sleep at all and not being able to close my eyes for even a minute all day and night due to severe vertigo/dizziness and constantly fainting. I had to lay with feet up all day and night. No way going to the toilet, eg. 

That was intense!

 

And I don‘t know if the cymbalta and Bupropion ct and now the Mirtazapin fast taper still mess up my sleep. 

Could be that quetiapine covers this still. We‘ll see.

 

Edited January 1, 2019 by Tanha
New

[Tanha]

How long can I use liquid diazepam?

i have a bottle in the cupboard at home since March and I don‘t know if I can still use it. Unopened one can use it for a year but we used it in summer already. Does it need cooling?

 

as an inpatient I cannot get any prescription but in order to be able to leave hospital I have to have weekendtrainings at home which I just started. 

I cannot take diazepam pills and the nurses keep on making mistakes giving me liquid diazepam as single doses with water in syringes.

 

[Tanha]

How can I convince my doc that I need quetiapine immediate release and quetiapine extended release?

 

they don’t support my withdrawl. 

In germany i am not allowed to have immediate release seroquel for depression as annoutpatient. I could only get it by pretending that the extended release seroquel makes me vomit. Not very convincing if I want both immediate and extended release pills for a slow taper. Or can I cut the extendedrelease seroquel like the immediaterealease version?

 

[Altostrata]

If you can't get the prescription, you might as well stay on Seroquel immediate-release.

[Tanha]

2 hours ago, Tanha said:

15 days since last cut of quetiapine

1 month and 2 weeks after last cut mirtazapine

68 days since cutting levomepromazine to zero

9 months since ct cymbalta and promethazine

 

 

1. Jan

211,5 quetiapine

 

5 am.        woke, arousel,

                  fatigue, sick, very unwell

7:30 pm.   50 mg quetiapine      

                  1 mg diazepam

                  150 mg magnesiumcitrate,

                  Vitamine d

                  meat, cucumber, oats,

                  hempprotein,

8:30 am.  dry mouth

9 am.        fatigue extreme all morning, 

                   very sedated, flue,

                   Milder lack of musclecontrol

                   Anhedonia, depressed, ,

                   No feelings, mild akathisia,

                   very dizzy, Stuffed head and

                   brainfog all day, diarrhea 

11:30 am. Mild nausea, flue all day

                   but milder 

11:30 am. Noni juice

noon.        pork, potatoe

                  48 mg quetiapine        

                  1,5 mg diazepam

                  150 mg magnesiumcitrate

12:40.        anxiety, anhedonia, cannot

                   close eyes (panic, akathisia)

2 pm.         eyes bad, dizzy, akathisia,

                   feeling of no musclecontrol     

                   but not as bad, anxiety,    

                   earringing milder, 

                   feeling like low bloodpressure

2:30 pm.   Vitamine juice

                   150 mg magnesiumcitrate

                   akathisia

3:45 pm.   emotionally blunt but anxiety

                   brainfog all day

4:30 pm.    mental akathisia, anxiety

5:30 pm.    anxiety crisis until 7 pm

                    meat, oats, hempprotein

                    sweets

                    54,5 mg quetiapine     

                    1,5 mg diazepam

6:45 pm.    loads of anxiety but no crisis,

                    angry, depressed

7 pm.         150 mg magnesiumcitrate,

                    depressed, anhedonia,

                    akathisia slightly better,

                    less anxiety, eating sweets

8 pm.         16 mg mirtazapine

9:30 pm.    59 mg quetiapine    

                    1 mg diazepam

 

 

compared to days before:

 

(Honeymoon always two days after a cut)

 

fatigue debiliating during whole morning, appetite better, all day more anxiety, at 5 pm unusual anxiety crisis (due to change, mistake with medication or magnesium?), 

not closing eyes during the day is an old symptom from diazepamwithdrawl, 

flue since noon much better, brainfog bad, less feeling of lack of musclecontrol, slight anger, more depressed

Of course I had arousel all day but less! 

Forgot to mention this!

[Tanha]

Suspected diazepam incidence, quetiapine reduction and unusual change in sleeping and fatigue during the last days:

 

30.dec

Dates of

Suspected unknown amount of diazepamreduction:

 

30. dec. 

 

diazepam:

noon 1,5 mg ?

evening 1,5 mg ?

night 1 mg?

 

sleep was very different, not waking in the night, did not wake up by myself in the morning (normally always at 5 with slight arousel)

severe fatigue and sedation during whole morning and little better in the afternoon.

 

31. dec

diazepam:

morning 1 mg? 

Noon 1,5 mg?

evening: normal dose again

 

Reduction of quetiapine 235 to 211mg, start at noon 31.dec

 

Woke at 7 am by alarm only (very unusual, no broken sleep, also unusual)

7:30 am mild arousel and bad sedation and fatigue all morning

 

1. Jan

221 mg Quetiapine 

 

woke at 5 am (no broken sleep)

Arousel

severe fatigue and sedation all morning, little better in the afternoon

little more anxiety all day 

at 5 pm terrible spike of anxiety

 

2. jan

211 mg Quetiapine 

 

woke at 5 am (no broken sleep)

arousel, 

6:30 am terrible hyperarousel for longer

sore throat

[Tanha]

I have diarrhea all the time

 

do I have to be concerned about malabsorption of my medication?

 

i cannot stop loosing weight, too.

[Tanha]

I cannot find anyone insanely dealing with hyperarousel.

 

Hyperarousel is the worst.

one cannot do anything against it and any distraction except for walking/pacing isn‘t possible. 

I am so afraid that this will last due to braindamage. it is terrifying. 

I wish this is a paradoxical reaction of quetiapine but actually it doesn‘t look like it these days. 

Not much I can do about it but survive. 

To not know the cause is bad. Feels like I am not going into the right direction with quetiapine taper.

this is definitely no healing.

the hyperarousel got slowly worse during December. That worries me. 

hoplessness all around.

 

i read that the body cannot „rebuild“ normal stressregulation after being on these heavy meds like 120 mg cymbalta for years.

That’s why I got this load of more meds like diazepam Mirtazapin and Quetiapine because in summer we couldn‘t cope with this hyperarousel. 

It also made all my attempts to reduce diazepam fail and fail and fail again. 

I am scared like hell. 

If this is not acute withdrawl and gets any better within days or a few weeks I don‘t know what to do. I cannot live with this as wd normal or normal normal.

[Tanha]

I need help. 

I got a strange feeling today and I need to know what it is.

it feels like if i cannot bear another minute with this body. It is no feeling like depression, just that I very intensely feel (not think) I cannot breath any longer (yet it doesn’t feel like it has to do with breathing problems).

more like the heart will stop but no real fear or direct heart sensation.

 

Like I physical depression.

yet this is so intense that I need to know what it is in order to survive this. 

 

Do i need to to some diagnostics done or just biting through it?

 

It is very physical!

Like numbed hyperarousel. And being intensely irritable but numb.

Like exploding.

like loosing control of the mind also. 

what is this? 

 

Is this too severe withdrawl and means I must stop tapering quetiapine and hold or push on because it is a sideeffects?

[Tanha]

I go to the optometrist next week.

i have problems focussing badly 

 

and severe lightsensovity of the eyes. 

 

What test can I ask for to find out if I am damaging my eyes with uv light?

 

do sunglasses help? 

[powerback]

Hi Tanha ,you are in an extreme wave, the anxiety and panic is trough the roof .keep focusing your mind on something else .

your tests will come back fine but there's no harm entertaining yourself ,it will be diagnosed as health anxiety but I know all of this is a very real feeling .

the first year my  eyes  would go blurry and scary sometimes ,all to do with the meds and withdrawl ,keep the mantra of this is withdrawl ,im in the throws today myself of a nasty wave  and constantly changing the channel in my head .

[Tanha]

dear altostrata, 

 

i just read your post about adrenals causing indirectly emotional anaestesia. 

 

I do really feel and think that my anhedonia (which is severe) is similar to dissociation and thus safes me from too intense emotions (not only anxiety) grossly overpowered by 120 mg cymbalta and co. over years although it feels like the opposite - a painful void of emotions, being not only disconnected but really void.

 

But how do I get them back in bearable proportion if even listening to music or simple movements are too much for me?

 

I feel this painful void and I can only imagine that my body/mind is actively creating It every day again and again to save me from hyperarousel (and too intense emotions).

 

I have the notion that feelings will never

come back in bearable proportion but as bouts of unconscious anxiety and unbearable arousel. I can really sense how „I don‘t wan‘t to have them“ because my body says they are too intense. Dp works similar and I have bad dp 24/7 for a year now. 

 

i have the idea my body is going to continue shutting/saving me from having emotions because he is still in cymbaltamode and Saying I am not ready for it, too intense. 

 

There is definitely no quick fix to this. 

 

Besides

I think I got the (very unusual) diagnosis of emotionally unstable personality disorder at the age of 44 and, yes, i started dissociating all of a sudden at 44 two years ago. I was on cymbalta at that time! Now I see the connection between the strange diagnosis and the grossly overpowered snri. 

[Tanha]

16 days since last cut of quetiapine

1 month and 2 weeks after last cut mirtazapine

69 days since cutting levomepromazine to zero

9 months since ct cymbalta and promethazine

 

 

1. Jan

211,5 mg quetiapine 

 

9 pm.       airhunger, uneasy, can close

                 eyes 

                 (Which I couldn’t during the

                 day)

                 no broken sleep (as before)

 

2. jan

211,5 quetiapine

 

5:30 am.   woke, arousel,

6:30 am    extreme hyperarousel

7:30 pm.   50 mg quetiapine      

                  1 mg diazepam

                  150 mg magnesiumcitrate,

                  Vitamine d

                  meat, cucumber, oats,

                  hempprotein

8:30 am.   arousel little better,

                  sore throat, diarrhea 

9:15 am    Heartracing, arousel worse,

                   mental akathisia worse and

                   all day, all day mildly sick, 

                   depressed

10:40 am. arousel much better

11:30 am. Noni juice

                   mild nausea, mild flue

noon.         chicken, potatoe, salad,

                   vegetable 

                   48 mg quetiapine        

                   1,5 mg diazepam

                   150 mg magnesiumcitrate

1 pm.         eyes very lightsensitive,

                   severe feeling of uneasy, 

                   cannot go into shop (stress)

 2 -4 pm    chestburn, bad urge of 

                   jumping out of my body,

                   extremely painful

                   depression,

                   like loosing my mind,

                   akathisia

2:50 pm.   Vitamine juice

                   150 mg magnesiumcitrate

                   akathisia

4:45 pm    emotionally blunt gets less 

                   painful, sweets

                   brainfog all day

5:15 pm.   severe hyperarousel until

                   5:50

5:30 pm.    meat, oats, hempprotei

                   cucumber, bread,

                   cannot stand tv

6 pm.         54,5 mg quetiapine     

                   1,5 mg diazepam

6:30 pm.    hyperarousel, akathisia, 

                    chestburn, heartracing

                    sudden bad pressure on

                    chest

7 pm.         150 mg magnesiumcitrate,

                    arousel little better

                    meat, puffpastry,

                    sweets/chocolate

7:45 pm.    all less stressing, better

8 pm.         16 mg mirtazapine

                    heartpalpitations, earringing

9:30 pm.    59 mg quetiapine    

                    1 mg diazepam

 

 

compared to days before:

 

All day physically very unwell, disconnected from everything outside

numbed feelings, dp bad

more akathisia (stronger, longer), fairly good appetite, extremely lightsensitive eyes (had to wear sunglasses in winter, many afterimages in the eye), diarrhea, brainfog and feeling mildly sick all day,

debiliating sensation I cannot describe other than painful void and numbed arousel and urge to jump out of my body (extremely intense, like loosing my mind),

painful depression (like I could have emotions but my body is numbing them painfully)

no fatigue, no sedation, all day arousel and mild anxiety,

had to pace during meals.

 

cannot wash myself or change clothes for two weeks now but brush teeth and pace around the building, went into a shop which actually i could not bear (bad akathisia and void). 

 

But i managed to buy myself sunglasses with the help of another patient. A task mentally not bearable. I rushed through it with loads of stress and agitation and akathisia.

Didn‘t buy anything since November when I bought the hempprotein.

 

Attended all therapies today although I felt awful all the time.

 

i am longing for good feelings and calmness and will to be able to read a book or watch tv or talk with friends. I miss this so much and feel I am very far away from it. 

 

I don‘t know how long i can bear this.

 

i don‘t know what is going on and dearly hope I’m doing things right. Everything is incredibly „painful“ mentally from dusk till dawn. 

[Tanha]

Please, let this debiliating condition be withdrawl and selflimited at some time in the near future. 

Every day I tell myself it cannot get worse.

Yet it can. 

 

only thinking this could be withdrawl helps me through these months and years of pure hell. 

 

I have developed very lightsensitive eyes today that I am blinded by any light touching my eyes. It is really bad. 

 

I had that some weeks ago also.

[powerback]

5 minutes ago, Tanha said:

Please, let this debiliating condition be withdrawl

it is withdrawl.

6 minutes ago, Tanha said:

I have developed very lightsensitive eyes today that I am blinded by any light touching my eyes. It is really bad. 

 

get into the dark and wait it out ,wear tinted glasses if necessary .

I was stuck in an airport in September for 10 hours and I made sure when night time approached I had my tinted shades on because of the bright lights. 

[Tanha]

10 minutes ago, powerback said:

it is withdrawl.

get into the dark and wait it out ,wear tinted glasses if necessary .

I was stuck in an airport in September for 10 hours and I made sure when night time approached I had my tinted shades on because of the bright lights. 

Thanx powerback.

 

i wear sunglasses now in winter in Germany. But lights indoors are also difficult. I won‘t wear sunglasses indoors, though. 

[ChessieCat]

1 hour ago, Tanha said:

But lights indoors are also difficult. I won‘t wear sunglasses indoors, though. 

 

I wear blue light gaming glasses when I'm inside and the lights are too bright.  light-sensitive-try-blocking-out-blue-light

[Altostrata]

2 hours ago, Tanha said:

16 days since last cut of quetiapine

1 month and 2 weeks after last cut mirtazapine

69 days since cutting levomepromazine to zero

9 months since ct cymbalta and promethazine

 

^ Please update the information about quetiapine -- you just made a reduction, didn't you? Please put in the date of your last dosage change.

 

Your symptom pattern continues to show an adverse reaction after you take diazepam and Seroquel, but it seems it might go away sooner. 

 

When do you take the mystery pill? What is it?

 

You need to tell the staff you have developed sensitivity to light, and you'd like to wear dark glasses in the brightness.

 

 

[Tanha]

10 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

^ Please update the information about quetiapine -- you just made a reduction, didn't you? Please put in the date of your last dosage change.

 

Your symptom pattern continues to show an adverse reaction after you take diazepam and Seroquel, but it seems it might go away sooner. 

 

When do you take the mystery pill? What is it?

 

You need to tell the staff you have developed sensitivity to light, and you'd like to wear dark glasses in the brightness.

 

 

I am afraid to tell the staff about my lightsensitivity because then they take away the quetiapine all at once and switch to something else.

that is what usually happens and then I cannot taper quetiapine anymore. 

 

why should I tell them?

 

I have an appointment with the optometrist. He is not good but will measure my eyepressure.

should i ask him anything?

 

the mystery pill has not been mentioned again for weeks. I think doctors don‘t want to give it to me anymore. 

I do not dare to ask. 

I am not taking a mystery pill at the Moment or soon.

They don‘t tell me the name. Why are you asking for it? 

Must i bring up this topic with the doctors? 

They said it is part of the treatment that I don‘t know it and that they won‘t change their mind. 

 

2. Jan

 

8:45 pm      pressure on chest, hot,

                     airhunger, sore throat

9 pm.           fast heartrate

10:25 pm.   airhunger, restless legs a  

                     a little, 

                     pressure on chest, bad

                     rumination, heartracing

                     broken sleep

 

3. Jan

 

5. am.          woke

6:30 am.      bad hyperarousel for long,

                      but also sedated, anxiety,

 

 

What do you think about this terrible morning hyperarousel and the one at around 5 pm the last days? It is too intense. I had this for months 

until we updose did quetiapine 200 to 400 mg and diazepam 4 to 7,5 mg, now I am at 5 mg. 

What do you think of sore throat and permanently feeling fluelike sick and this new bad feeling of anhedonia and disconnectedness?

Distraction is what I try but 

virtually impossible. I am burning up inside by the one or another terrible condition. 

 

i am in such a severe condition. I am biting through every minute of the day. 

 

I don‘t have a chance to relax a minute throughout the day. As I said I used to have small windows but not anymore. 

[Tanha]

I saw yellow special glasses helping against reflections in the shop. Is that what you mean by amber tinted? 

[ChessieCat]

These at the ones I have.  I wear prescription glasses so had to buy over glasses.

 

They don't have to be the really dark or bright yellow coloured ones.

 

They call them by different names - blue light blocking, anti blue light, gaming, computer

[Tanha]

I don‘t know how to survive this agony. 

 

What is this permanent sick feeling I have all day? 

I am in the darkest place.

 

Every single movement is a hellish effort.

Brain and body don’t want to move. is withdrawl but a dream? 

It doesn’t feel that I am going to cope with these symptoms. Feeling fluelike sick, void and in hyperarousel and anxiety, akathisia and darkest depression is nothing one can survive.

I feel obsessed to jump out of my skin/body all the time.

 

nothing I can do. Everything is way too much. Virtually everything.

[Tanha]

I just had a one hour window. I am not easy with it in that it is so unstable. It sends me into shock mode. I could use the window to connect with normal feelings but my anxiety and arousel is too high to really be able to do it. 

Yet i notice that distraction is possible. Not fully but only for seconds at a time. 

This is too much to cope with. Almost no dp for half an hour and this is too much. I am in dp since dec 2017 24/7 and do not cope with being myself for only 25 minutes. 

 

[Tanha]

Dear @Shep

dear @JanCarol

dear @Carmie

 

i did a huge mistake

 

i told my doctor about this forum. 

Now they can easily find out about my posts in which I say that I do not take drugs as being prescribed.

They will throw me out of hospital if they read my daily dosages in the posts. 

 

I guess it would not help to change my name because 

The posts show exactly who i am. 

 

i am so silly. I cannot believe I did this.

 

everybody can read my posts, right? 

 

[Tanha]

Hyperarousel is going through the roof for hours now.

hasn‘t been that bad since my diazepamwithdrawl in June/July. 

 

It scares me that the hyperarousel gets more and more and longer during the last weeks. 

this is a very bad sign. 

 

I never had such long hyperarousel since my darkest hours in diazepam withdrawl in July. And back then i could not live with this. I endured it for more than three months without updosing meds (on 200 mg quetiapine and 3,5 mg diazepam and 30 mg Mirtazapin.). 

I really fought hard and did surrender to more medicated sedation only because i became suicidal. I don‘t want to do this again.!

 

i had the hope that reducing Mirtazapin to 15 mg makes these looong arousel go away. But it didn’t as I can say now. 

 

It is definitely no normal arousel. It is bad hyperarousel, very painful, very long during the day. I guess it is still the cymbalta ct and all the subsequent cuts of medications that cause an underlying persistent condition of hyperarousel. Like a damage of the stressregulation system of my body.

I did 10 minutes of mild running at 1pm and my body cannot calm down until 2:30 Pm. Still on 110 although I am in bed since 1:30 pm. 

This is autonomous (neurophatic) disregulation!?

 

meditation and other calming procedures except pacing are not possible due to akathisia.

boy am I afraid to get back into the state of June/July since I am getting close to the dosages then. 

 

I cannot say goodby to withdrawl and take meds again. I simply can‘t. This is too bad and too long.

 

does anybody survive constant hyperarousel? 

[Tanha]

4 days since last cut of quetiapine

1 month and 2 weeks after last cut mirtazapine

70 days since cutting levomepromazine to zero

9 months since ct cymbalta and promethazine and Wellbutrin

 

2. Jan

211,5 mg quetiapine 

 

8:45 pm.  pressure on chest, hot, 

                 airhunger, sore throat

 9:20 pm. heartrate in bed 95

10:20 pm airhunger, bad pressure on 

                  chest, mild rls, bad rumination,

                  Heartracing

 

3. jan

211,5 quetiapine

 

5:30 am.   woke, arousel,

6 am         extreme hyperarousel until

                  11:45 am, again all afternoon

7:30 pm.   50 mg quetiapine      

                  1 mg diazepam

                  150 mg magnesiumcitrate,

                  Vitamine d

                  meat, cucumber, oats,

                  hempprotein

                  akathisia, unwell, disconnected,

                  unbearable arousel

9 am.        nature doesn‘t distract, 

                  depressed, exhausted,

                  really unwell, bad akathisia

9:30 am    chestburn, arousel milder,

10 am       feeling terrible, mild flue

                  painfully depressed, 

                  anhedonia, mental akathisia,

                  exhausted, arousel and  

                  sedation

                  thinking ob movement makes

                  me sick, disconnected

10:40 am. less sick, void, arousel

11:30 am. Noni juice

11:45 am  window: almost no dp, 

                   (a bit numb), all great

noon.         Meat, dumpling, vegetables 

                   48 mg quetiapine        

                   1,5 mg diazepam

                   150 mg magnesiumcitrate

12:30 .       bad hyperarousel, anxiety

                   heartrate 110  

1 pm          bad hyperarousel, anxiety 

                   until 6 pm

2:30 pm.   Vitamine juice

                   150 mg magnesiumcitrate

                   Hyperarousel, anxiety

3:40 pm    hyperarousel, anxiety, 

                   heartrate 120 in bed

4 pm.         got very sad information

5 pm.         no feelings, 

                   hyperarousel

5:30 pm.    meat, oats, hempprotei

                   cucumber, bread,

                   54,5 mg quetiapine     

                   1,5 mg diazepam

6:30 pm.    hyperarousel bearable but

                    bad                    

                    heartrate 95 in bed,

                    pressure on chest,

                    No feelings, earringing

                    cannot Rest my mind at all

7 pm.         150 mg magnesiumcitrate

7:30 pm     arousel strong,

                    heartbeating

8 pm.         16 mg mirtazapine

9:30 pm.    59 mg quetiapine    

                    1 mg diazepam

 

 

compared to days before;

 

persistent bad hyperarousel all day (only during acute diazepamwithdrawl this was similar),

slightly faster heartrate during the day, 

heartrate didn‘t normalize after a very short run (four 2 hours almost the same) 

1 hour window with everything being great

bad anhedonia and no feelings most of the day, disconnected, 

exhausted, 

anxiety all day,

almost no flue, no sore throat,

physically more stable in the afternoon